Chapter Text
Earth was the warmth of the sun on her face, the evening breeze flowing through her hair, the scent of dew and grass and flowers drifting lazily through the air. Of course, that warmth was the sun’s infrared radiation beaming to her from just a hundred million miles away. And that gentle gust of wind was simply carrying fragrant particles to her olfactory system. Earth was, so far, a collection of interrelated systems that built up to something good , something she would protect at all costs. Because this planet was certainly complex, for sure, but it was also surprisingly comprehensible .
Well, with a few exceptions.
Exhibit A. Earth humor. Peridot would often catch the Earth locals giggling at the most puzzling things. When Peridot wore her favorite shorts to the city one day, for example, they wouldn’t stop laughing. Steven and Amethyst even joined in for a little while. But there was no shame in having good taste. The pair of shorts was clearly the optimal article of clothing, exhibiting its intimidating army of little green soldiers for all the world to fear! Plus it was incredibly soft. Aesthetically pleasing with a practical purpose!
Exhibit B. Earth emotions. This planet seemed to have the unique ability to induce strange and incomprehensible emotions in Peridot. For example, when spotting her new barnmate gliding back home through the clouds, Peridot couldn’t help but break into an uncontrollable grin, an impulse apparently reserved for nearly no one else. If she had to guess, she was feeling a mix of empathy for her fellow earthbound gem and excitement at the prospect of having a new assistant to work with. But even this rational explanation felt off. Peridot was determined to solve the puzzle on her own during her time on Earth.
And speaking of which, Exhibit C was none other than Lapis Lazuli herself. The blue gem rarely smiled, and when she did, it seemed wistful and distant. And it was almost impossible for Peridot to rationalize some of Lazuli’s behavior! Lazuli never seemed to give up her side of any argument, even if she was clearly wrong. She insisted on sleeping with the door open, despite the very real threat of being caught by one of Yellow Diamond’s scanners. Furthermore, she seemed just so… distant all the time. Who did she think she was, walking around with that razor-sharp glare, wearing that supremely bored expression on her face? Who was she with her haughty, monotone, mysterious voice?
In fairness, Lazuli would occasionally crack a genuine smile at Steven, and her tone could sometimes become bright and sweet and clear and wonderful. And in those rare content moments, Peridot felt like she truly understood how much Earth meant to Lazuli. But Lazuli never looked that way for Peridot. And that made Peridot feel quite irritated.
Whenever Lazuli opened her wings and soared through the skies, there was a certain rare glint in her eyes. She seemed so content and satisfied in the air, wearing a tranquil expression reserved (well, mostly reserved), for the birds around her and the clouds by her side. It was a most fascinating expression indeed.
So naturally, during those moments, Peridot liked to stop what she was doing to observe her barnmate more closely. She carefully studied the way Lazuli’s wings fluttered to slow her descent, the way her slender arms were skillfully moved to just the right positions for balance, the way her fingers twitched slightly as she hit the ground. Lazuli always had the purest expression of joy on her face, her gemstone glowing a faint, contented blue, her eyes tightly shut to savor the moment. Peridot would listen for the soft pit-pat of Lazulis’ feet touching the ground, and on breezy days, if she stood just close enough, she could smell the lingering scent of an ocean breeze-
“Peridot.” Lazuli’s voice appeared out of nowhere, and her faithful observer jumped where she stood.
“Y-yes?” Peridot squeaked.
“You’re staring. Again.”
Peridot smacked her own forehead with her palm. “Sorry.”
Lazuli glared at her for a second before sighing, cracking a slight smile, and moving past her into the barn. “That’s okay,” Lapis said, waving her arm to the gem behind her.
Gah! The blue one was such a mystery. An enigma! It was only logical that Peridot would want to carefully observe this enigma of a gem. But was she taking too close a look? At least Lazuli seemed to be okay with it. Peridot might have to adjust her approach a little. Lazuli was quite a sight to behold (well, as powerful Era One gems often were). But, as Peridot held her hand to her pounding heart, she had a sinking feeling that the effect Lazuli had on her was something else, something entirely new to her. Ugh. It was probably something incomprehensible to a gem like her, something utterly irrational .
This strange physiological effect must be related to some sort of Earth disease , Peridot guessed. She would have to do more research on this phenomenon. Hmm… with some Camp Pining Hearts , perhaps.
She was staring at her again.
Peridot was sneaking quick glances towards Lapis’ corner of the barn.
Lapis stuck her nose in a magazine and pretended not to notice. What did Peridot want from her? Was she trying to conduct some sort of horrible experiment on her? Just thinking about the possibilities sent chills down her Lapis’ spine. But Peridot was Steven’s friend, and Lapis trusted Steven, so she took a deep breath and tried her best not to think about it.
She didn’t quite know what to make of her new roommate, honestly. The little gremlin was strange and impulsive, often blabbering on and on about things that Lapis had never even heard of. But Peridot seemed sincere and honest enough for the time being; she was at least making an effort. It was all a lot to think about.
The blue gem sighed, swept her skirt beneath her legs, and lay down on the ground. She liked sitting directly on the cold, wooden floor, smelling the earth and dust in the air. It reminded her that she was grounded. And she was safe on the ground. Safe and sound. It had been a while, huh.
Lapis yawned and stretched out her limbs, dropping the magazine over her eyes. Nowadays, flying took so much out of her. But she loved to use her wings as much as possible. It really had been a while since she had felt the wind in her hair. Or any wind at all. Maybe tomorrow, she would go out again. Or maybe learn more... about the little green one…
And as Lapis eventually gave in to the irresistible embrace of fatigue, she drifted off into the darkness.
It was just her.
Just like it always had been, and just like it always would be.
Just her and the darkness, the darkness and her.
She would panic for the first few days. She was anchored to nowhere with nothing at all she could do. The fear, the unbridled rage, the loneliness, the overwhelming despair would set in, weighing her heart down and dragging her further into the depths of her prison. These feelings would overtake her, one after the other, and then they would overlap with each other, and she would feel them all at once, and then she would feel everything . A hint of cynical happiness at the sudden peace and quiet. At least she was safe, tirelessly safe, endlessly safe. She would scream out into the darkness, lashing out at herself for hours and hours, doing anything just to break the inescapable silence. And over time, she would recognize something dark beneath it all, something terrifying , something that had been growing inside her the whole time, and she would never quite know what exactly, but it would slowly sneak its tendrils around her, painfully gnawing at all the little surfaces of her soul, until it felt like every fiber of her being was being torn open a trillion times over, until every single part of her would screech out for days in soundless agony, until anything she could think about was utterly meaningless, until there was nothing left of her that she could call Lapis for hundreds and hundreds of years.
And everything would be gone.
But nothing wouldn’t last.
Her mind would fragment over and over unto infinity, shattering to the furthest corners of her endless prison. And in her weakened state, the wicked and furious creature that had made it into the cell with her would begin to spread its influence again. Everything she felt before she would feel once more, a trillion times at once, from a trillion miles apart. The same emotions, raw and visceral and desperate and helpless, would race through her mind again and again and again and again, the same sensations painfully disassembling her piece by piece, until each and every feeble little fragment of her soul faded into the greedy darkness to await her cycle born anew.
And everything would be gone.
But nothing wouldn’t last.
A flicker of warmth.
“Lazuli?”
Because in the briefest moments of calm, a part of her would still try to whisper a faint reminder of who she once was.
“Lazuli-”
She could struggle all she wanted to remember, but she had already struggled for forever, and at her core she knew nothing would bring her back.
“WAKE UP--”
She remembered. She was all alone. Just her, and the darkness, and...
“P… Peridot?” Lapis whispered.
Lapis squinted into the dark and found a familiar green head nodding fervently back at her. Peridot’s eyes were wide open, an expression of sheer concern on her face. “I’m here, Lazuli! Wh- what should I do?”
What was this goofy little gem doing here?
Lapis felt a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I’m right here. Are you awake?”
It took her a second, but Lapis closed her eyes tightly and focused on the warmth on her own shoulder. And she could once more feel the cool wooden floor beneath her, smell the faintest hint of earth and dust in the air, and hear the soft taps of raindrops hitting the floor.
Peridot hadn’t noticed Lazuli’s nightmare at first, because in the episode she was rewatching, Percy had dove to the bottom of the lake to retrieve Paulette’s friendship bracelet and it was all very exciting. But eventually, Peridot saw the faintest movement out of the corner of her eye. Lazuli was shivering in her sleep again. Yeesh, if she was cold, why did she always sleep with the door open? Peridot hopped down from the loft to take a closer look at her unconscious roommate, who was now thrashing around on the floor. Better not scratch your gem like that , thought Peridot. Note to self: be far away from Lazuli when she sleeps. Peridot giggled and crawled a little closer.
Upon closer inspection, though, there seemed to be tears pooling beneath Lazuli’s eyelids. Interesting. Perhaps her lacrimal glands were reacting to an external irritant. Or she was dreaming of an emotionally distressing situation?
Before Peridot could investigate further, she flinched as Lazuli’s eyelids burst open. But Lazuli’s eyes were clouded over, showing no signs of those striking navy blue irises. Instead, her dull gray sclera seemed to be glowing faintly, her eyes empty and unnerving. Oh no. “Lazuli?” Lazuli’s teardrops began to quiver, slowly making their way across her long, thick eyelashes. “Lazuli-” Peridot stopped. The teardrops began to slip off of Lazuli’s lashes, hovering in midair. Lazuli sat up in her sleep, a collection of shimmering droplets suspended all around her expressionless face. She’s using her power? In her sleep? If she keeps this up she might bring the whole barn down, or... or something! “WAKE UP--”
“P… Peridot?” Lazuli whispered.
Lazuli was responsive! But how could Peridot help now? Was there anything she could… “I’m here, Lazuli! Wh- what should I do?” Peridot carefully reached her arm out and held on to Lazuli’s shoulder. “Look, I’m right here,” she whispered pleadingly. “Are you awake?”
Lazuli closed her eyes, let out a sharp gasp, and opened them again. Her dancing teardrops splattered to the floor, as if suddenly remembering their own weight, and she looked around with wide, frantic eyes. Blue irises. Good.
“Peridot…” Lazuli said, gasping for breath. Hyperventilation, perhaps. Lazuli should take deep, conscious breaths. Gems didn’t have to breathe, per se, but maintaining steady control over her respiratory rate would be good for her mental state. She should--
“Peridot,” Lazuli repeated. She placed her slender blue fingers over Peridot’s hand, and Peridot was suddenly conscious of the fact that her own arm was quivering under the touch. She quickly tried to steady herself, staring concernedly at her roommate. “Lazuli, are you okay?”
Lazuli looked to the side and nodded slightly. “I’m alright. Just… Just give me a moment.”
The pair stayed like that for a little while. Lazuli’s breathing eventually slowed down, which was a good sign. Peridot continued to cling on to Lazuli’s shoulder, faintly aware of Lazuli’s hand lightly grasping her own. Faint droplets of perspiration began to form around Lazuli’s neck, her top becoming saturated with moisture. Her breath was deliberate and steady now, her chest gently rising and falling with the sound of every faint breath. And at the back of her mind, Peridot realized that they were very, very close at the moment. Which was, ahem , of course, only because it was what Lazuli needed right now-
“Oh, PERCY! I will never let you go!”
As if on cue, Paulette’s passionate voice burst from the TV set, making Peridot jump. “Ah!” Peridot pulled back her hand, her cheeks flushing with color. Th-the timing! Lazuli took her hand back as well, opting instead to rub her own arms.
“Thank you. Peridot.” Lazuli looked back down at Peridot and gave her a faint smile, a smile that looked like it was miles and miles away. “I’m okay now. I’m sorry if I ruined your episode.”
Peridot gulped. “It’s okay. Can I interest you in a cold shower?” She winced. Water? Seriously? Stupid. She sighed. “I’ll just. Go get Steven, or Amethyst. They’re usually the ones to cheer me up.”
Lazuli shook her head earnestly and looked directly at Peridot. “Please don’t tell Steven. I don’t want him to worry. I don’t want to get anyone else involved.”
Peridot averted the sight of her soft blue eyes and nodded. “Alright. Do you want to… talk about it?”
Lazuli let out a deep sigh and leaned back. “I don’t think I want to even think about it. At all. And I’m definitely not going back to sleep.” She tilted her head for a second, likely listening to the ambient sounds of the television. “How about we just watch that show instead? You can try to explain those squiggles you drew.”
Peridot grinned, nodded, and puffed out her chest. “ Squiggles ? That is a complex analysis of the compatible characteristics between the main campers! It’s a rational, effective, data-driven chart composed by yours truly!”
Thankfully, Lazuli snorted and stood up. “What’s the point of a chart if it makes it even harder to understand? Come on.”
As Lazuli walked towards the TV, Peridot stared at the blue gemstone affixed between her elegant shoulder blades. I’m glad she’s okay for now , Peridot sighed. And I’ll have to personally make sure she gets HEAVILY invested in Camp Pining Hearts, as it’s clearly the best form of entertainment on this planet. “We’ll start from the first episode!” she declared, running forward to catch up with her roommate. Peridot had a new mission to complete! And maybe, just maybe, the excitement could help her own scorching cheeks finally cool down.
Lapis curled up into a ball and squished into the corner of the couch, resting her head on the armrest. Her body ached all over, as if it were begging to lie very still and never move again. But she knew she didn’t want to sleep at all.
This feeling was starting to get uncomfortably familiar, wasn’t it? She remembered the day she finally escaped the mirror, taking in her first breath of ocean breeze. The moment she stepped out, she had promised to never let herself be trapped again. And then this one brought her back to Earth, and she had no choice but to imprison herself once more. She locked herself in the cage of her own mind with a wounded animal, thousands of feet beneath the ocean’s surface. But it should have gone differently, shouldn’t it? Didn’t she have something to fight for that time around? She shuddered and closed her eyes. It had gone the same way it always did. She had dragged herself into sunless depths again, only she was changed, powerful, monstrous . And the darkness had invaded her mind once more, only this time, it was a part of herself from the very beginning, and it had a mind of its own. It was stronger, and it was angry . And-
“Lazuli! Hey!” Peridot pouted. “Don’t you dare drift off in the middle of my explanation!”
Lapis opened an eye and glanced back to Peridot. The smaller gem was now standing right in front of her, animatedly waving a few pieces of paper in her face. “Pierre’s an ‘absolute unit’, Lazuli! Pierre never loses . He’s objectively the strongest human in the entire camp. He’s the optimal candidate for the kissing ritual!”
Lapis slowly sat up and snorted. “Just because he’s strong doesn’t mean he’d make a good partner. What about Paulette? She’s been messing around, flirting with Percy for, like, a while now.”
“LAZULI.” Peridot’s jaw dropped in disgust, and she tossed her convoluted diagrams into the air. One of them landed right in Peridot’s hair. Like a mother bird returning to its nest, thought Lapis, letting out a quick giggle. Peridot’s cheeks flushed a deep, olive green, and she dropped onto the couch beside her.
“Hmph. Haven’t you been listening to me at all? Paulette may have had some fun moments with Percy, but ultimately, Pierre and Percy would be undefeatable in every terrestrial, aquatic, and intellectual event. They’re much better for each other.”
Lapis burst out laughing. She’s so sincere about this. I wonder if she knows that she’s a massive dork. Peridot puffed out her cheeks indignantly and crossed her arms and waited for the laughter to subside.
“Thanks, Peridot.” Lapis wiped a tear from the corner of her eye and grinned at the gem beside her. “Actually, I’m sort of glad. You know, for giving you a chance back when I first got here. Maybe you have changed.”
Peridot averted her roommate’s gaze, leaning her cheek into her palm. I can still see that smile, you know, Lapis thought to herself. But that’s fine by me.
The pair fell silent for a moment, listening to the quiet static emanating from the television set. The gentle flicker of the screen illuminated Peridot’s bashful expression against the darkness. A peridot and a lapis lazuli, alone on a couch in a barn far into the night. There was always something new going on in this planet.
The grin eventually fell off of Peridot’s face, and she turned to face Lapis. “Mmm. About that. Earlier, on the ship. I’m... I mean. I have come to the conclusion that what I did was... Highly regrettable.”
Lapis sighed, leaned back into the couch, and reached out to ruffle her roommate’s hair. “Yes, it was. You were kind of a prick, and I’m still not sure if I should forgive you for that. But either way, I’m happy you’re here now.”
Peridot’s shoulders tensed up from Lapis’ touch, but the little green gem was positively beaming. I didn’t know her smile could go even wider , Lapis mused. She lifted her hand off of Peridot’s head and rested her arm atop the backrest of the couch.
“And Peridot?”
“Yes?”
“Put in the next tape. I want to see if Percy and Pierre get better for each other next episode.”
Peridot looked up at Lapis with stars in her eyes. “Yes! I’m sure you’ll see what I mean! Let’s see here...”
Earth had always seemed so strange and distant to Lapis. But even in the darkest hours of the night, it could be more vibrant and lively and colorful than she had ever imagined. And just maybe, for once in thousands and thousands of years, she didn’t have to be alone.