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“What do you mean he's...gone? Just like that?”
“He's-”
“But he was just here!”
“Wait, we just saw him, how-”
Anxious and confused voices filled the dead air. So different from the laughter that was just echoing over the island only moments ago.
Naminé felt the same things they did but she couldn't get her voice to work. She couldn't take her eyes off the separated island. She couldn't fully comprehend what she just saw but the pain in her chest told her that once her head accepted what was tearing at her heart, she would break.
Yet all she could think right now was 'she can't disappear, too!' as she made out the way Kairi's shoulders shook.
It took all her will power to make her feet move. She brushed past everyone else, everyone trying to get answers from the King to explain what just happened, why it happened-
She caught a glimpse of Riku's expression. The silent tears that ran down his cheeks, his expression twisted in grief. Something hit her then. Riku must have known, must have had a feeling this would happen. She didn't know if she should be upset that he never confided about this or pity the denial he must have been in until now.
She grabbed his hand and pulled. He gave her a stunned, confused look. She wondered what was going through his head right now. If anything was.
“Go to Kairi.”
“Wha-what-”
“Go to her. You two need to be together right now. For Sora.”
Saying his name seemed to be what knocked some clarity into his head. Slowly, Riku's steps picked up as she lead him to the stairs until he was soon running past her. Naminé watched as he disappeared through the door only to reappear seconds later higher up. She watched until she knew him and Kairi were together.
She looked back over to the group of people, who were slowly falling quieter and quieter as small cries and confused murmurs started to replace shouts. She searched for one person specifically, afraid-so afraid-of what she would see.
Finally, she spotted him off to the side. Her view was slightly blocked by Axel and Xion but she could make out enough. She could see the way his hand was clenched into his shirt, his expression twisted much like Riku's was but more raw and she knew right away.
Roxas had felt it.
Whatever remained of the connection was enough for him to feel the moment it happened.
Naminé wanted to go to him, be there for him but she couldn't move anymore. Her strength was gone. All she could do was focus on the sand against her legs and how it covered her hands that were braced on the ground in front of her.
She's felt lost before but never as painful as this.
Naminé ran as fast as her feet could carry her. The click of her shoes were drowned out by the clacking of metal behind her. She looked over her shoulder to see her pursuers slowly gaining on her.
'Soldiers and...Shadows' were the names she recalled. Not that it mattered much in the moment.
Just as she turned the next corner, there was a shout of “NOW!” and Naminé quickly stopped in place, crouching down with her hands on her head as something whirled passed right above her then again into the direction it came from.
She remained like that until she was given the all clear.
“There we go. Thanks for helping out, Naminé.” Yuffie said happily. She swung her giant shuriken in one hand as she approached, grinning widely. “You sure lead them on a good chase there, so we were able to get a lot at once.”
“It's no problem,” Naminé stood up straight, patting at her clothes to get rid of any dirt that stood out against the blue and white material. “I know I can't fight but the least I can do is play as bait for you.”
“Shhh, don't say it like that! Leon would have my head if he hears that!” Yuffie looked around. When she didn't spot the man in question, she let out a relieved sigh and tugged at the strap that went over her blue top. “You're not bait. You're just...helping corner them for me. You're my assistant, not bait.”
“I guess that works.” Naminé laughed lightly.
“Hopefully it won't have to happen again for awhile. Cid should be done the adjustments of the security system he's started with that Even guy so things will get back to getting calmer around here.”
“It's a good thing to have.” Naminé looked around the area. With so much ground to cover, the system they developed was a wonderful thing to create. She could only imagine how the improvements would change things even more.
“Yeah. I mean, it's not like we have any Keyblade wielders here to take care of things now so-” Yuffie stopped. Her hand started to cover her mouth as a guilty panic crossed her face as she glanced at Naminé. “I mean...sorry, I didn't mean it like-”
“It's okay, Yuffie. Really.” Naminé said, maybe a little too quickly. “I know what you meant.”
The was an awkward silence. Naminé was trying to figure out what to say to make it better or slip away when Yuffie spoke up first.
“Seriously, I'm sorry. That wasn't very tactful of me,” She scratched the back of her head. “But hey, that's why you're here right? To find something that'll change that?”
“...yeah,” Naminé gave a small smile, staring at the ground. “But I don't now how long it'll take for us to find any kind of lead. If one even exists, that is.”
A pain hit her chest just from saying the words out loud. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to push it aside.
“There is one. Not only do I believe in you guys, but I also believe in Sora. He'll find his way back. He's always helped us out so we'll do what we can, too. So don't forget to rely on us, Naminé. Say the word, and me and Leon and Aerith and the others will be in that lab in a heartbeat to do what we can!”
Yuffie grinned brightly at her and Naminé found herself unable to resist returning it. She had a bright and bubbly personality that was infectious and Naminé admired.
“I will. Thank you, Yuffie.”
“Radiant Garden?”
“Yes. I think...there might be things I can do there. Something to help Ienzo and Even and Ansem the Wise...”
“Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, after the whole DiZ thing...”
Naminé looked down at his hands in time to see them clench briefly before relaxing again. She understood why it made Roxas wary. She couldn't deny she was, too.
“I'm sure. I can't say I fully trust them right now just yet but...I trust they're sincere in wanting to make things right. And Ienzo has already helped everyone so much since he got his Heart back. I want...I really want to give them a chance. And help, if I can. I'm used to always having something to do so if I can be of use...maybe even find a way to understand my powers a bit more, I want to take that chance.”
Silence fell between them. It wasn't strained but it was heavy. Naminé knew it was because of her and couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.
“....So you're not staying on the Islands or coming back to Twilight Town.”
There was something in his tone that made her wince. It wasn't anger but she knew he was trying to hold back on showing whatever he was feeling right now.
“I'm sorry...I know you thought I might-”
“Don't be. Ah, what I mean is...I'm glad you've decided. On finding a way to help.”
Naminé had to force herself to look at him then and part of her wish she didn't. The other part of her had to stop herself from asking if that was how he really felt.
It's only been a few weeks since Naminé came to Radiant Garden. A few weeks since that evening when Sora disappeared. Her memory of that time was slightly blurry. She remembers Aqua being the one to finally get Kairi and Riku to leave the paopu tree. To take them home with Terra and Ventus. She does remember briefly thinking that it'll be awhile before those three are able to handle being apart.
During that time, King Mickey had explained the Power of Waking to them. Why Sora disappeared. The exchange for using a power like that the way he did again and again.
Logically, it made sense. She understood the why and the how. She understood the reasoning behind his sacrifice. She understood the kindness and love that would drive Sora to do it without a second thought. She understood all of that, and yet...
“What's the point of having a Heart when it just brings pain like this?” She remembers Axel saying bitterly.
“Because that's what he gave up for everyone else.” She recalls Isa retorting almost coldly. She would have thought he were indifferent to it all if weren't for his own remorse over the situation betraying him.
Naminé knew he was right. They both were.
She just can't think too much into it. She won't regret this life Sora fought so hard to give her and the others but it was hard when everything in her screamed that she didn't want it if this was the price it took.
“-and these are a necessity for you?” Ienzo questioned.
“Yes. In a way,” Naminé pushed the papers aside. On the table in front of her were some vague sketches. Nothing with too much detail, just shapes and colours mixing together. If she had to guess what they resembled most than she'd have to say water or the sky. “I was able to find the connection to Terra without having a form yet myself but drawing out the connections makes the chain clearer for me.”
“Hmm. I recall something about that from back at Castle Oblivion. At the time, I wasn't sure how strongly the connection between the drawings and you're power was.” Ienzo brought his hand to his chin, looking thoughtful as he stared down at the papers. “I had also seen that while some were quite detailed, most of them were not. Do you think you could explain to me how it works exactly? Then I can relay the information to Even once he returns.”
“Let's see...it's like..” Naminé pressed her hands together as she thought over her words. The sleeves of her lab coat were a bit too long and she made a mental note to fold them back later. “Back then, I had to help guide Sora to the castle, a place he had never been to before. Even though Marluxia got him to that world without him noticing, I still had to make sure that Sora and the others got to where they were supposed to be. Because of that, I had to make the drawing detailed enough that he would be able to get there. So that when they saw it and stepped foot inside, Castle Oblivion would feel as familiar and welcoming as any other place they went to.”
“So that familiarity is why they trusted the place so much.” Ienzo commented. Naminé nodded.
“When I changed his memories, I was covering up Kairi's image with my own and then rearranging how they played out. I didn't erase anything. It was the concept I was changing and breaking apart, not the whole memory itself. That's why I only needed vague stuff for what I needed. So when I was fixing his memory, I had to draw out the original concepts to prompt his heart into remembering them. The concepts are a guide which is why I don't need too much detail.”
“Does it matter what memory you choose to draw out?” Ienzo asked curiously.
“Somewhat. It needs to be a strong enough memory that it makes the heart slowly start to connect on it's own,” Naminé starred down at the papers. “No memory is exact. Not really. I couldn't detail them out exactly as they played out for Sora, but the concepts were enough for the chain to connect themselves for him.”
“So when trying to implant a memory, like Castle Oblivion, you need to detail it but when covering up or fixing a memory, you only need a vague concept of it...how interesting...” Ienzo looked off to the side, lost in thought over what she's told him. Naminé wondered how much he understood and how well she was explaining something she wasn't exactly sure of herself. “But how were you able to speak with Terra?” Now he looked confused. Naminé smiled, a little uneasy.
“That's a little more...complicated. I'm not really sure how our hearts connected but...” She put her hand to her chest, closing her eyes as she thought back. “When I was resting within Kairi, I could still feel the strong connections around her. I don't now how much of it was because of my ability or how much was because she was a Princess of Heart. But I could feel a pull. A heart with strong, vivid and warm and anguishing feelings. Terra's will was fierce enough that I could feel it, even with how I was at the time.” She opened her eyes, her voice quieting down. “Maybe it's because he once went to Destiny Islands. He had a memory there that meant a lot to him for two different reasons. But I think it was because of that, that I was able to reach out to him.”
“So then, does that mean you can use Sora's connection to Destiny Islands or another world that he has strong enough memories with to guide his Heart back?” Ienzo leaned up against the table. He had a calculated look in his eye and Naminé could already see the idea's building in his mind.
“In theory.”
“Only in theory?”
“I...I don't know where Sora ended up. Not exactly. And I don't know how to make the connection to guide him back.” Naminé stared at the floor, that twisted feeling coming back to her chest. She glanced at the papers, the vague sky and ocean like shapes and something told her she should know it but she couldn't figure out what it meant. “Technically...Technically, Sora sacrificed his life. His whole being. It wasn't like when he saved Kairi that first time and cast his body aside to set her own Heart free. Sora is...the worlds he's tied to, they're all within the realm of light and the living. They won't work.”
A brief silence fell. Then-
“What about the Underworld where Olympus is?”
“I don't think that would work. The type of connection I need is a place that is for the dead but still gives him the second chance he needs. Besides, Hades would make the price too high of a risk if it meant bringing Sora back even if I could guide him there.” Naminé closed her eyes again, this time against the pounding that was forming in her head. “If I knew I could guide his heart to a place like that or know for sure he'd end up there on his own, then I could form the connections needed but...”
“But you are uncertain,” Ienzo sighed. It was instinct in Naminé to apologize but Ienzo waved it off. “The information you've given is helpful enough on it's own. It at least gives us an idea on what we can do once we're able to get further along with everything else.”
“It does?” Naminé couldn't help but ask. She wasn't prepared for when Ienzo suddenly smiled at her.
“It's good to understand better how your abilities work. Even if we can't use them the way we'd like to now, maybe there's something we can do to see what else you're able to do with them. Maybe there's a way to make your ability stronger so it can reach out to Sora without needing so many connections.”
Naminé smiled a little and nodded but a part of her started to fill with doubt. She wasn't sure how she could make her power stronger or how she could do it without harming someone else. Would it really work out like Ienzo was hoping for?
“This place is nice. Lots of space.” Riku commented.
“Yeah. Leon said Aerith and Yuffie picked out everything” Naminé smiled as she looked around the room. It was slightly smaller than the room she used at the mansion but still plenty of space. The floor was a light hardwood. Three of the walls were white but one was a light blue. The bed was a queen size she was told and covered with a starry sky blanket and white pillows. The desk in the corner was made of a dark wood and had brightly coloured flowers in a vase on it. She picked up a giant bird plush that was on the floor and gave it a confused look. “I'm not sure what this is though.”
“It's called a Chocobo,” Riku smiled. “I've seen them around. I guess guess they picked that over a Cactuar toy.”
“Cactuar?” Naminé tipped her head to the side but Riku shook his head.
“I'll bring you one if I come across a toy,” He chuckled. He looked around the room, a soft look in his eye. “This room has a lot of colour. I'm glad.”
“The one at the mansion was rather bland,” Naminé looked up at him. “You know you didn't have to stay after bringing me back, right?”
“I know. I just...wanted to make sure. That everything was okay here for you,” Riku rubbed the back of his head. Naminé had a feeling she knew the reason behind that.
“Because of him, right?” She asked. Riku looked surprised for a moment before smiling awkwardly.
“That's part of it,” He admitted. “The other me...all he wanted was to make sure you were okay. So I'd like to carry that wish on in his place when I can. But it's also hard right now...staying at the islands...”
“...how's Kairi doing?”
“She's managing. I know she's feeling guilty. Doesn't really know what to do and I don't know how to reassure her.” Riku stared down at the floor. “I don't know how to comfort her without making the pain worse. I don't know what to say. What to do. Sora was always best at that kind of thing. I want to do more for her, but being on the islands right now is...”
“You both lost someone you love,” Naminé said quietly. “You'll grieve in your own ways. Handle it all differently. But you can't forget to be there for each other.”
“I know. It's just...so much right now,” Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He turned to face her, taking something out of his pocket. “Before I forget, here.”
Naminé held her hands out as he handed her a rectangular object. It took her a few seconds to realize what it was.“A...Gummiphone?”
“You need your own. You can't forget either that other people will be there for you, too,” She looked up to see Riku smiling softly. “I gave one to Roxas and the others, too. All our numbers are programmed into it so you can talk to us whenever you want.”
“Roxas has one?” She stared down at it.
“Yeah.”
So she can talk to Roxas whenever she wants to, even from here? The thought made her smile.
“Before I leave, are the clothes the fairies made okay for you?”
The question made Naminé look down at her outfit. A long sleeved white shirt that ended around her elbows with a checkered pattern straps around her shoulders. A blue skirt that had a longer piece of fabric on the one side and a blue and white bracelet.
It was simple but just the blue shades made her feel lighter. She was so used to the same white dress that this made her feel like she really was moving forward.
“I like it. It feels...right.” She reassured.
“I'll pass that along to them then. They added a protection spell that the rest of us have, just a precaution since you said you didn't really want to fight.”Riku explained.
“I don't think fighting like you guys is really my thing.” Naminé pressed her hands together.
“I understand. But if you change your mind, Yen Sid said you can come to the tower any time to talk about training. It doesn't hurt to learn how to defend yourself, even if you don't plan on fighting battles.”
"Got it,” Naminé nodded. She wasn't sure if she really would change her mind but it was nice to know that option was available to her.“Ah, before I forget, can I ask you something before you go?”
“Sure.”
“...um, how exactly do I call everyone on this?”
“Didn't you transfer feelings and memories into data for the journal?”
“That was data. I know I messed with the stuff at the mansion but I don't really understand how this is similar to that.”
It felt ridiculous to admit but it seemed enough for Riku. For the first time in a while, he gave a sincere laugh as he agreed to help her.
The headache that hit her felt like her head was bashed against the floor. A feeling she unfortunately knew very well.
With a low groan, she put down the pencil crayon and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.
She had gotten similar pains when she was back at the mansion in Twilight Town when trying to dig into Sora's memories to find more of that 'hurt' so she could grasp pieces of the memories of those memories that weren't his. Trying to grasp at anything that felt connected to him was like searching for a black stone in the dark.
Twilight Town...
She glanced at the Gummiphone near the edge of the table. She reached over for it then hesitated. Maybe she should wait until another time...
What would she even say if she called Roxas right now? Would it seem strange for her to suddenly call without anything to talk about? What if she tried calling Kairi and somehow messed it up? She wouldn't be able to give her any answers about how things were going. No good answers at any rate. It's been awhile since she's talked to any of the others but maybe it was best for now. Until she knew for sure she could tell them they were on to something.
The sound of a light knock took her from her thoughts. She looked over to see Ienzo standing in the door way, looking concerned.
“Is everything alright? You look tired.”
“I'm...I'm fine. I'm just...hitting a wall, so to speak.”
“You mean about Sora?”
“...Yes.” That was part of it anyway. “There's no...there's no connection,” Naminé wrapped her arms around herself. “It feels like I should know where to look but I can’t seem to grasp it. Every time I look, there's nothing there. Even the ones that should be easy to hold onto feel distant...”
“There could be a chance that your power is weakened right now.”
Naminé jumped at the deep voice. Even Ienzo seemed a little startled, quickly looking over his shoulder.
“Master Ansem,” He stood straighter as he greeted him. “What do you mean her power could be weakened?”
As Ansem The Wise entered the room, Naminé couldn't help but think his walk seemed off somehow. It took her a moment to figure out why. He carried himself differently now compared to when he was DiZ. She hadn’t seen much of Ansem since coming here. If they were in the same room together, it would only last for a short while before he would excuse himself. Naminé wondered if he was trying to make her more comfortable by not being around her for very long.
“It’s only a theory, however I suspect that you’re still getting used to you’re new body. You’re ability is to see the connections of the Heart. I’ve wondered if the way you do that it by extension, connecting your own Heart to whoever you’re reaching out to to grasp the chains you’re looking for. If that’s how it is, then it wouldn’t be surprising if you’re Heart is restricting itself so it can ease into your new life.”
“My heart is...restricting itself?” Naminé repeated.
“That would be understandable,” Ienzo nodded. “If that's the case, maybe we shouldn't push you to keep trying to reach out. For now, anyway.”
“But I-”
“You have rushed into this. Though that is partially my fault, too,” Ienzo frowned. “I apologize, Naminé. I should have been more considerate.”
“No, that's...that's okay,” Naminé held up her hands. The sudden turn of things was throwing her off a little. “I wanted to help right away. I should apologize for not being able to do anything yet.”
“You've helped out much already.” Ansem walked up to the table, smiling softly. “You should take this time now to rest. Give yourself time to adjust to this new life. Then you can start over with what you feel you need to do.”
“I think I want to come to Radiant Garden soon.”
Caught off guard by the sudden declaration, Naminé could only blink at first. Kairi was looking off to the side so Naminé couldn't see her expression very well on the screen. From her tone though, she sounded tired and uncertain. Like she wasn't exactly sure of her own words.
“You do?”
“Yeah...I just...I don't know when. It feels a little weird when I think of the place but I...I think I want to go there.” Kairi took a deep breath and finally looked at her through the screen. “Would you...would you be okay with that, Naminé?”
“It's not really my decision,” Naminé smiled awkwardly. “You should come if you want to.”
“I know, I just...you've been busy with research, right? I don't want to take you or the others away from that. Have you guys made any progress yet?”
“...no. I'm sorry, there hasn't really been any leads yet.”
“I understand. I just thought...” Kairi trialed off then shook her head. “Anyway, how are you? Are you getting rest?”
“I am. I try to, anyway.”
“That's good.” Kairi gave a small smile. “Hey, can you tell me about the place? Where do you like to go when you're not doing research?”
Naminé returned the smile best she could. While grateful for the change in subject, she still felt her chest tighten. She wished she could give Kairi the answers she was looking for but she had nothing that could ease her worries.
She hated seeing her down like this but she wasn't sure what to do to help her.
Walking around Radiant Garden was a strange feeling. Almost like déjà vu. Naminé knew she had no memories of this place. Not until recently when she came to stay here. She couldn't tell if these feelings came from being a part of Kairi or from looking through Sora's memories.
It was a mixture of nostalgia and confusion that felt off and made her head feel like static trying to figure out what was hers and what was Kairi's or Sora's. Maybe she should go back to her room and get some rest.
She was just starting to wonder if there was a shortcut she could take when she noticed Aerith come into view. She was pushing a small cart and as she got closer, Naminé realized it was full of flowers.
Aerith noticed her at the same time and clapped her hands together.
“Naminé! I was just going to look for you.”
“You were?”
“Yes. I wanted to ask what kind of flowers you liked.”
“Flowers?” Naminé was confused for a moment before realizing. “Oh! Those flowers were from you, right?”
“They were. It's been awhile with everything happening but now that it's a bit calmer, I've been trying to grow different kinds so I wanted to know what you liked.”
“I've never really thought about it before.” Naminé shrugged lightly.
“Really? Well, if something comes to mind let me know, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I know it hasn't been long since you came here, but I really want you to feel comfortable. I find bright flowers can really bring out a mood for a room.”
“I am. Comfortable, I mean. It's...different from what I usually used to,” Naminé rubbed her arm, rocking back slightly on her feet. “Being around so many people, being able to go where I want...it's a little strange. But I like it.”
“It hasn't been easy for you, has it?” Aerith's smile softened. Not for the first time, Naminé was a little struck by how compassionate she looked. It was like she just radiated sincerity. “Have you been able to talk to your friends since you've been given a break from researching?”
“I...I haven' really talked to them. Now for awhile. It feels weird if I try calling them and end up backing out.” Naminé fiddled with the ends of her hair, trying not to meet Aerith's concerned gaze. “If they ask for updates, I can't tell them anything to give them hope about Sora. And right now, I...I don't know what to do. My ability...feels off right now. I don't want them to worry. And since they haven't called, I guess everything is going fine so...I don't want to bring them down if that's the case.”
“hm...” Aerith turned away. She went back to her cart and gathered some flowers, wrapping a band around them to hold them together. Naminé wanted to ask her what she was thinking but didn't think she should interrupt her thoughts. Finally, Aerith said, “Don't you think they want to talk to you just because you're their friend? I understand not wanting to make them worry but having people worried about you means they care about you, right? Maybe they're in the same place as you. They might be just as worried but might think calling first might bring you down. So someone should take that first step to break any akwardness.”
“I...” Naminé felt her throat close up. What Aerith said wasn't wrong. For all she knew, Roxas or Xion or anyone could be feeling like she does. Trying to make that call but too afraid to make them worry.
She found herself briefly wondering what Sora would do in this situation but quickly pushed the thought away. She couldn't think about that. Not now.
“Riku explained some things before you came here but he didn't go into it because he wanted to respect your privacy. I won't push either if you're not ready to talk about it,” Aerith wondered back over with the small bouquet of flowers in her hands. “But Naminé, if you ever need someone I'm here. Or Yuffie, if you'd rather talk to her. Leon's not much of talker but he's good at listening and Cloud sometimes stops by, too. Anyone one of us will be around. I hope you know that.”
Naminé's eyes widened. She took the bouquet from her and brushed her hand lightly over some of the petals. Pinks and yellows and whites. Taking a deep breath, Naminé found herself smiling softly at the sweet smell that came from them.
“...I know. Thank you, Aerith.”
She wasn't sure what she would even begin talking about if given the chance but she was still grateful to hear her out. Knowing Aerith and the others were was a small comfort that she was glad to have.
Sometimes she had strange dream. She'd gotten used to restless sleeps but she didn't dream often. Yet lately it seemed to happen more often than not.
At times, she thought she was dreaming of Radiant Garden but the place didn't seem right. It was similar but so different at the same time. There was a fountain that she remembers sitting on it's ledge and just watching people go by. Sometimes she's in a dark lit room with different books and glass containers lying around. Sometimes she's running down paths at night and the fear in her dreams is enough to wake her up.
What stands out the most, though, that she remembers no matter what are the colours she dreams of. Shades of pink and white and soft purples. Yellow and gray. There are blues and beige and lots of black and strange masks that she can never make out the details of.
Naminé wasn't sure what brought on these dreams. She could never figure out what they were even about. She'd all but completely forget them until the next time they happened.
Still, they never failed to add more confusion to her already strained heart.
“I...I had a strange dream last night.”
“Was it a nightmare?”
“Not really...I don't really remember it but something felt...off.”
“What do you mean?”
Naminé shifted her hold on the Chocobo plush she held against her chest so she could hold the Gummiphone better. On the screen, she could see Roxas move around also. A moment later and a small light came on after reaching for his lamp.
“It feels like a memory but...it doesn't feel like any of the others I've seen before.”
“How does it feel?”
“I'm not sure. Like...ice?”
“Ice?” He huffed out a small laugh. “I don't really understand what that means.”
“I don't really know how to explain it either.” Naminé smiled awkwardly. “It's hard...finding the words for it.”
“Take your time. I'm here all night if you need it.”
The reassurance helped. She was glad he didn't mind she ended up calling at this hour. But she could see how messy his hair was and how his tone betrayed his exhaustion and just a guilt hit her chest.
So she told herself not to make a habit of this. Not for something as little as a bad dream.
Naminé blinked. She couldn't be seeing what she thought she was seeing. Maybe she didn't get enough sleep. That had to be it. She'd been in a daze when stepping out of her home that she forgot to grab something to hold her hair back.
Maybe Ventus stopped by and Aqua and Terra were somewhere nearby. Or he came alone. That had to be it, because-
Then he turned and she realized it really was him.
“Roxas...”
Her feet moved on their own accord. It was like her body was making her she wouldn't over think was to do right now. She just ran forward until she crashed into Roxas. Until she felt his arms around her and how he stumbled back several paces so they wouldn't fall over.
“What-Why are you-”
“That person...Aerith I think? She got a hold of me. She was getting worried and thought you might need a familiar face to lift your mood.”
Naminé looked up at him.
“So you came?”
“As soon as I could find a way,” Roxas brushed some hair back that had fallen into her face. “It's...it's been way too long since we talked, don't you think?”
“...yeah.” Naminé ducked her head. She took a deep breath and realized all she could smell was the person holding her right now. “Way too long.”
“I'm sorry I haven't been staying in touch very well.”
“I'm sorry I haven't either,” Roxas shook his head. They were sitting at the fountain now. Roxas reached down from where he sat on the ledge and flicked at the water. “Everyone's been out of it but...Aqua said it best. Being separated won't solve anything.”
“You've been talking to Aqua?”
“And Terra. And Ventus. They...they've been a big help with a lot of things,” Roxas scratched the back on his head. “So...how is it? Being in Radiant Garden?”
“I like being here. Even with the rare Heartless, this place still manages to feel peaceful. Everyone has been so nice.” Naminé started fiddling with her bracelet. “And I like working with Ienzo. Being able to trade ideas and while also finding a way for Sora to return...it makes me feel not so...”
“Useless?”
“Yeah.”
“I understand. We've been fighting, trying to decide what the best course of action is.”
“Fighting?” Naminé repeated in concern.
“Ah, well...a lot of us have some kind of temper so...” Roxas looked away, taking a deep breath. “We just can't decide what to do. Is training enough for now? Where do we even start if we went looking? Would searching do anything? How long do we just sit around and wait doing nothing? Stuff like that.”
“I didn't know it was getting like that.” Naminé frowned.
“Well, we didn't want to worry you. We managed to keep it from Riku until he got Xion to spill why everyone was so tense. Then he got a hold of Aqua and suggested we train with them. Go to The Land of Departure to figure things out since they have a lot of old books. She's been going through them a lot trying to find something. Isa was the first to head there, help her look for something.”
Naminé felt her breath catch. So Aerith was right...
“What about Axel and Xion?”
“Went to Merlin. Axel wants to focus on more magic based stuff. He thinks learning different spells other than fire stuff will help him better. Xion wants to work on her speed. She said she'll do some training with Ventus after she relearns some basics.”
“...what about you?”
“...I don't know.” Roxas looked down. “I really...don't know at this point.”
Suddenly the water running in the fountain seemed too loud. Now that she was really looking at him, Naminé realized how shaggier Roxas's hair seemed. Dark mark were starting to appear under his eyes, like he was having a hard time sleeping also. She remembered that day on the island when everything changed. The pain he seemed to be in. Was it still haunting him in his dreams?
“You know...when you first said you wanted to come here, I was a little jealous.”
“Jealous?” Naminé repeated in confusion.
“I couldn't even get my thoughts in order after what happened with Sora. I still can't, really. I was feeling so many things at once and all I could think about was how unfair everything was. Why him? Why does everyone else get a happy ending and he doesn't? After everything he's done, why do I get a chance at the expense of his life? I didn't know what to do. Then there was you, already deciding on what you can do to help. A part of me was jealous you could think of such a big decision like that. Putting aside the stuff with Ansem and the Organization to help in any way you can. I wanted to be like that. Be like you and just be of use somehow. I couldn't really understand how you could keep a clear head enough with all of this.”
“Roxas...” Naminé didn't know what to say. Roxas shook his head. He kept his eyes on the ground, almost looking ashamed.
“Riku told me something though. It made me feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner on my own,” Roxas smiled almost bitterly. No, not bitter, more...self-deprecating. His eyes were distant, like he was back to whenever that interaction took place. “He said that since he met you, you've always tried to put other people first. Always wanting to help. Him, Sora, Kairi, Xion, Terra...me...you never take time for yourself. That's why you were able to decided on this path so quickly. Because you wanted Sora to be with everyone that cares about him and didn't want everyone to grieve longer than they should. It made sense when I heard it. And I felt horrible for ever feeling jealous. I should have paid more attention to how you felt after everything. I should have reached out to you more. Talked to you more to find out how you were handling all of this.”
“Roxas, you don't have to-” Naminé's voice caught in her throat. It was like something was choking her, making it hard to speak. Her breath was growing quick. Her head was hurting again. She didn't know how she should react but felt the need to reassure Roxas he didn't need to worry about her. That he didn't need to feel bad for not checking on her since she hadn't either. She needed to let him know that she wasn't hurt, she was okay, she was-
“Yeah, I do. I haven't been a good friend. Not like I should be and I'm so sorry for not saying this to you sooner, Naminé.” Roxas took her hand in a firm grip. It was amazing how that touch seemed to ground her a little better to what was going on. Hesitantly, Naminé met his gaze, not feeling sure how to handle how serious he looked.
“You're allowed to cry, too, Naminé. You're allowed to grieve. If you don't know how to say it, just get upset. Get angry. Yell how unfair everything is. Scream if you have to. Just...don't keep it bottled in. Sora was important to you. You cared a lot for him. There's no reason why you're shouldn't express how much you're hurting, too.”
Naminé opened her mouth but no sound came out. It was like she lost her voice. She already knew everything he told her...didn't she?
So many people have told her it was okay to reach out. To talk to them. It was okay to talk about her feelings and that they are there for her. So why was this so different?
Maybe because...she didn't know how to express these constant twisting feelings inside her. She didn't know what to do with it, didn't know how to tell someone about the pain in her chest, the crushing feeling it gave her and how much it hurt to even breathe sometimes. How just pushing it away to deal with later was all she could think to do because she couldn't give in, she had to keep going, to had to help somehow and...
Naminé ducked her head, staring down at her lap. Roxas's words ran through her head again and again until she was finally able to force her voice out.
“It's...it's not fair...”
Beside her, Roxas hummed quietly. His thumb stroking the back of her hand.
“It's not fair...it's not fair...it's not fair, it's not fair!”
Her voice didn't even sound like her own anymore. When was the last time she shouted like this? When was the last time she let go of her composure like this? Let the tears freely flow without trying to hold them back with every fiber of her being?
“He was...he was supposed to be here...Sora loves everyone...he-he wanted so badly to-to go home...he wan-wanted to be with everyone...so why...why does he have to...why-why does Kairi and Riku have to...they should all be to-together...” she swallowed, trying to force down the lump in her throat that was choking her. “I...I wanted to talk...more with him...he promised...he-he promised to thank me...that we-we could be fr-friends for real...he remembered his promise so why...why did he have to die like that...why can't...why can't Sora be with us...why him...it's not fair...it's not...”
Roxas let go of her hand and put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her against his side. Naminé turned her head, pressing against his shoulder. His grip became stronger when a sob escaped her lips.
She wasn't sure how long they were there for. She didn't know if anyone passed by, seeing them like this. All she could focus on was how the pain inside her and how it slowly but surely eased while Roxas held her as she finally let out everything she'd been trying to hold in since that sunset on the beach that changed everything.
“I'm...”
“Don't you dare apologize.”
“...I won't,” Naminé smiled softly. The sky was bright today. With not even a single cloud in sight, it was as if the gloomy night never happened. “Thank you. For being there for me.”
“I'll always be there for you. I can't say I won't mess up sometimes but I'll do better. I promise.”
“I promise the same thing, too. To do better.” Naminé shifted her weight and lightly tapped her toes on the ground. “Are you sure you can't stay longer?”
“Yeah. I stayed a day longer than I planned. I still have things to sort out but I wanted to see you first.”
“Was I one of the things you needed to sort out?”
“I, uh, I wouldn't put it...that way...” Roxas ran a hand through the back of his hair. Naminé couldn't help but laugh a little at his awkward expression. “More like...um...”
“It's okay. I understand,” Naminé cut in gently. “You wanted to make sure I was doing okay for yourself. I'm really glad you came.”
“...I'm glad I did, too.” Roxas dropped his hand with a look of relief. His eyes suddenly widened. “Wait, I almost forgot-”
Naminé tipped her head to the side as she watched him go through his pockets. Soon enough, he found what he'd been looking for and held out his hand to her.
“Um, I wasn't sure when to give this to you but...here.”
It wasn't until Naminé took what he was holding that she realized it was a silver hair clip. The X it formed with the pointed tips was similar to the one on Roxas's vest.
“A hair clip?”
“I just thought...we won't be seeing each other as often. So something to keep me in mind. So if you're having an off day or something, you'll remember you can call me. Or one of the others.” He rocked back slightly, his foot scuffing the ground. “And you mentioned before that your hair was growing fast so I...I thought it might help.”
That must have been from one of their earlier conversations. Back when she was still able to use the Gummiphone without too much anxiety. She couldn't believe he remembered that.
“...I love it. I'll wear it everyday,” Naminé held it close to her chest. “And I won't forget. I...I know I can call you guys whenever I need you.”
“At lease once a week,” Roxas smiled. “If not, I'll call. And next time I come, it'll be with the others. I know Xion really wants to spend time with you.”
“I'll try to visit, too. I'll probably have to ask Riku to take me though.”
“Yeah, Riku...” Roxas muttered quietly. “Well, maybe Mickey...I mean, the King can arrange getting a ship for Twilight Town. Since it's not good to use the Corridors too often.”
“Riku can teach you drive it, too.”
“Yeah...” Roxas's expression twisted for a moment before giving a hopeless smile. “Well, I'm sure he'll be a good teacher. He seems to know what he's doings. I'll ask him when he gets here.”
Naminé shook her head with a small laugh but part of her was grateful to see that there wasn't any actual lingering bitterness between the two of them. It was foolish at this point but the worry had lingered at the back of her mind. She smiled softly and stepped closer. “That sounds like a good plan. And next time, I'll give something to you to keep me in mind also but until then...”
Moving to the very tips on her toes, her lips just managed to brush against Roxas's cheek. When she was back on even footing, she wondered if her face was as red as his. It felt like it, if not more so.
“Even if we're not physically together, our thoughts will always be with each other. And we can see each other whenever we want to now.”
Roxas touched his cheek where she had kissed him, his expression a little dazed but soon was smiling softly.
“Always together in our thoughts,” He said quietly. “And meeting whenever we want to.”
“On our own terms.” Naminé smiled, remembering their words from before. With the way Roxas laughed, she knew he was remembering the same thing.
In the distance, they could hear the familiar rumble in the air and soon enough, they could a streak in the sky as the Gummiship came within view.
“Guess that's my ride.”
“Looks like it,” Naminé reached for Roxas's hand and squeezed it. She couldn't stop her smile from growing bigger when she felt him squeeze back. “Take care of yourself, Roxas. I know you'll find your answer soon.”
“I will. You look after yourself, too, Naminé.”
While saying goodbye for now to Roxas did leave a small disappointment in her, Naminé felt lighter than she had in a long time. A burden she'd been carrying for so long that she thought was a permanent part of her had finally been lifted. It took awhile for her to understand it better but now she understood what she needed. She needed to rely on her friends more. She didn't have to keep everything in and hidden away anymore.
It was a scary thought and she was sure she will still have her struggles at times, but she thinks she's ready to let more people in.
She can truly say now she felt safe enough to do that now.