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Oh you should’ve just broken up with me
Did you want to be remembered as a good guy until the very end?
They said an ending is a new beginning.
Yuna will trust what they said, because it seems the most comforting words to hear, especially right now. Honestly, she doesn't know where this courage to call him out. Perhaps it has to do with something he said over the phone during their last conversation -which is like a week ago- and the way it made her want to see him and beat the shit out of him. Excuse, excuse, excuse. Yuna knows her worth better than for receiving his empty excuses.
Sorry, busy with school. Meeting for students' night event. I have exams tomorrow. I'm sorry Yuna.
Yuna was understanding. She's also busy with school and all. But she also wanted to see him, to spend a day or two with him like the other couples. He no longer called first, never sent texts first. His reply grew short and shorter. It feels like they aren't dating anymore. It feels like she was dumped after all.
Seokmin's face is a blank paper against colorful neon signs and flickering light. He drinks his coke in silence, looking away from Yuna. She traces her gaze on his bony face, his severe lips. His curls of hair which Yuna loves to tangle her fingers in there.
The cold autumn wind brushes over her, swaying her hair behind her back. She tightens her jacket and breathes to warm up her body. She hears her heart hammering inside her ribcage, as if telling herself it's now or the other way around. I miss you. I miss your face. I miss you. Miss you. Oh, how much Yuna wants to scream it out, right in front of his face.
She holds it.
Seokmin lets out a heavy sigh. They've been in this state of silence for a while, the air of awkwardness hangs thick around them. Neither wants to say it first, the goodbye.
But Yuna has made up her mind. She will be the one who ends this mess. She has to put it to an end. She will hurt him, just like how he hurt her.
Nah. He won't be hurt at all.
Suddenly that thought makes Yuna even sadder. The coke can in her hand has given away its cold that Yuna cannot distinguish which one is colder; the coke or her hands.
"You know...."
Yuna clears her throat. She has practiced her break-up speech many times, but at this very time the words aren't coming out as she planned.
"We should end this."
Seokmin's hand freezes in the air. His pupils are shaking, like he's angry. Like it's him who is betrayed. Like he's surprised that one day their relationship would end.
"Why?"
Yuna cannot stomach it, to watch his expression. Is it relief there? Yes, relief. Sorry. Anger. Yuna doesn’t know what else is on Seokmin's face because it's the first time she sees it.
"Just... well, just because."
Seokmin drops his empty can then kicks it. Yuna watches the can rolling to the gap of road railings, then stops before it falls.
"I don't understand." Seokmin shakes his head. Yuna swallowed her tears. She won't cry. Nah. At least not in front of him.
"You make me look like a very weird person, you know?"
Seokmin sighs once, then nods. "Okay, if that's what you want."
He pats Yuna's shoulder, lightly. She flinches at his touch, but quickly lifts her eyes to find his.
"Take care."
Yuna watches as he walks away, turning his back to her. She has pictured this scene a thousand times in her mind, brushing it off that she would be okay when it actually happened. But Yuna isn't okay at all. It hurts way more than she expected.
He doesn't turn back even for once.
-
Yuna sips her drink slowly. She doesn't remember what she ordered. Alcohol tastes all the same for her. Bitter. Burning in her throat. And a tang of sweetness. Like a relationship, Seokmin once joked. Ah, should've just bought soju or beer from the convenience store after all. Less expensive. She doesn't even remember how in the name of holy God she ended up in this club. Everything was a blur chain of events after she left the bridge where she and Seokmin broke up.
A guy bumps her back. Yuna narrows her eyes and notices the most striking silver hair she has ever seen. He mutters a sorry and Yuna nods, not wanting to make it a big deal.
"Wanna go for a drink... together?" He suddenly says.
Yuna lets out a wry laugh. He's pretty cute. Darn, he's handsome. Do people do this kind of thing after they broke up? Picking up guys at the club, she means. Because Yuna doesn't feel like she wants to do it.
"Nah, I'm good." Yuna brings her glass and clicks it with the bottle he holds in his right hand, then drinks it up.
"Well, I'm not. I broke up with my girlfriend." His tone is calm, not quite broken.
Yuna shrugs. "That's awful."
He smiles and waves his hand lazily, then walks away to the bar. The guy approaches a petite girl who sits on one of the stools and starts to pour a drink for her.
Yuna chuckles at the sight. Guys are useless after all. She shakes her head and continues to drink her martini-she remembers it now. Damn, she could buy a new set of watercolors with the money she paid for that drink - until a curious voice greets her.
"Yuna? Choi Yuna?"
Yuna turns around and finds a familiar face in front of her. Unkempt hair and fair face and tired eyes. She knows the boy; he's in the same major as Seokmin. Yuna met him once when she went to their department's event. His name? Yuna doesn't remember.
"What are you doing here?"
Yuna laughs and raises her glass. "Enjoying the night."
He casts a suspicious look at her.
"Alone? What about Seokmin? He went to see you."
Yuna shuts her lips tight. He apparently can sense the tension in her face, now he shifts uncomfortably in his place.
"We broke up," Yuna says after a long pause.
"No shit."
Yuna chuckles at his disbelief tone. "Yeah. Sucks."
"Uh, sorry."
Yuna shakes her head. "Nah. It's good and all," she murmurs. Jaehyun --Yuna suddenly remembers. His name is Jaehyun. Ah, how come she forgot so many things? -- heaves a sigh and runs his fingers through his already tousled hair.
"I really don't know how to console people. Sorry."
"You, what are you doing?" Yuna changes the topic. Jaehyun leans on the bar, next to her, to avoid people who go through before them. Looking at his face, Yuna notices the dark circles under his eyes. Does he drink all night or what?
"My cousin is a DJ here."
Well, your cousin has a bad taste, Yuna wants to drop that commentary but Jaehyun continues.
"Today's his day off, though. I'm here to meet his colleague, got some equipment to fix," he explains.
Of course, Yuna thinks. He's an electrical engineering major after all, just like Seokmin.
"You're pretty busy, huh?"
He smiles. When he smiles like that, a dimple appears on his left cheek.
"Not really. I like to be busy."
"Ah, then I won't be a bother."
A frown spreads across his face. "No, you're not a bother. I'm done with it, and I'm going home now."
Yuna mouths an o then nods. "See you around then."
Jaehyun gives her a quick pat on her shoulder and starts to walk away. Then, quiet. Yuna grunts at the sudden void. She glances at her wristwatch, and feels her head dizzy when she sees where the hands are.
Past midnight. Damn, surely no bus still running, right? Taxi is good, but she quickly discards that thought because, well, she had spent her money on the drinks.
Yuna doesn't care anymore. She puts her glass on the table and slices through the swarm of people until she gets out of the club. Her eyes search the road and surroundings, to the parking area, and she surprises herself that she relieves at the sight of Jaehyun approaching his motorbike.
She rushes towards him in long strides. Jaehyun raises his eyebrows, questioning.
"What's wrong?"
Yuna just doesn't care anymore. Yes, she is hurt and sad. No, she's absolutely not picking up on this boy. She just wants to go home safely, and for some reason going home with Jaehyun is the safest way.
"Can I hitchhike? Like, I'm out of cash and you're the one that I know around here so..."
"Where's your home?" he asks. Yuna says her address and he scratches his head.
"That's the opposite direction. Besides, I only have one helmet."
Yuna's heart sinks at his answer. She murmurs "okay" and "nevermind" and turns around. That's when Jaehyun suddenly grabs her hand.
"Here. Get a taxi with it." He thrusts two hundred won bills into her hand. Yuna blinks.
Jaehyun smiles, then go back to his motorbike. Yuna watches him quietly, her hand holds the money he gave tightly.
She doesn't know, yet. It's the beginning of something after all.