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Kitty Wilde was in love with Marley Rose.
That, of course, didn’t mean she particularly liked it, just that it was a matter-of-fact to deal with—an inconvenience at best. But being in love with Marley Rose was so irritating sometimes, like how Kitty couldn’t concentrate in class because someone had decided to wear a certain skirt that day, o-or straighten her hair or something . Frustrating, like how she was failing economic science because she-who-must-not-be-named sat in front of her this quarter or how Kitty was always, constantly, continuously stressing about anyone finding out she was...y’know...one of those. It was all her fault, really, sickeningly sweet her. So Kitty Wilde supposed, in a way, that she actually hated Marley Rose for being so damn pretty and making her fail school. A fine, fine, line between lesbianism and salt, right? It was probably not even likeness, she figured, just misunderstood hate, because hate was something familiar. Hate was something she could definitely do.
At least that’s what she told herself, because this didn’t feel like any kind of hate she’d felt before.
øøøøøøøøøøøø
Today, Marley Rose was wearing a light violet cardigan, skinny jeans, white and blue converse, and a flower-printed blouse with chrysanthemums. Kitty knew they were chrysanthemums because she’d spent most of class staring at them and shooting their beautiful bearer dirty looks for having such a contagious smile.
Dirty looks, Kitty thought, that’s all it is. Or just getting lost in thought...coincidentally...in her direction. No way did Kitty Wilde, captain of the Cheerios, like that goody-two-shoes discount Sandra Dee.
Bree nudged her shoulder. “Hey, check out Puckerman.”
Kitty wrenched her eyes over to a hunched-over Jake taking notes. She shrugged. “Yeah?”
“Come on, admit it, he’s hot...If only he wasn’t dating that skinny little biatch.”
Jake whispered something to Marley, and her face brightened into a smile. Kitty’s stomach tightened, but she managed to smirk at Bree. “He’s okay . I’ve seen hotter.”
“Ooo, Kitty, you like someone?”
One of Bree’s eyebrows was piqued. Shit, her cheeks must be burning scarlet. Shit . “No way, I’m not a loser,” she managed, “I just thought you might be able to do better than, you know…Jake Puckerman.”
Right on cue, there was a clatter as Jake fell over in his seat, a note (from Marley, presumably) crumpled in his hand.
Kitty turned back to Bree and made a very obvious point of looking her from head to toe. “Then again, maybe not.”
Class ended and she caught a glimpse of Marley fussing over Jake’s bruised elbow and hooking an arm around his as the two of them walked out of the room. Kitty closed her eyes. At least she had the image of Bree’s overly-offended face for comfort.
She hadn’t meant to, really. Honestly. School was over and Kitty was supposed to stay at the library for another couple of hours and study for a history paper. And then, on her way down the stairs, right as she was turning the corner—
“Ryder, stop.”
Kitty froze as Ryder’s voice growled back, “Come on, Marley. I know it’s you.”
A locker rattled, and she instinctively knew Marley had backed up against it. Her voice was shaky. “I don’t know what you’re talking ab—”
“Cut the shit. I know, okay? I know you’re Katie, I know you’ve been playing with me this whole time, everything! Just—just at least have the guts to tell me!”
Kitty didn’t even dare to move an inch, forcing herself to listen to Marley’s rapid breaths. “Ryder, I—”
“Don’t ‘Ryder’ me, you don’t know what I’ve been through these past weeks, okay? I can’t sleep! ”
“Just calm down o-or something , okay? I swear, I’m not her!”
He let out a shout and something large and wooden—most likely a now-overturned table—crashed against the floor. Marley shrieked and dropped to the ground, books falling out of her arms. “Are you going to admit it or am I going to make you!”
It was quiet, other than the sound of muffled sobs and hard panting from Ryder’s side. The locker slammed again like someone had kicked it and Marley let out a whimper. “Ryder, please, you’re scaring me.”
Kitty shut her eyes. This was wrong. This was so wrong and it needed to be stopped now , and without asking herself if it was a good idea, she rounded the corner, plastered a smile on her face, and let out her bitchiest sigh. “Hey duckface, stop crying. Come on, we need to practice our duet, so whatever problems you and Bieber have, work them out ‘cause I’m not dealing with your stupid little tantrums in Glee club. Let’s go.”
She watched Marley’s eyes swivel from her to Ryder as she shakily began collecting the fallen books. Kitty’s throat tightened, and she knelt down to help.
Picking up her trig textbook, their fingers brushed and Kitty recoiled, tingles travelling up her arm. No, no, no no no, why was it such a big deal? It wasn’t a big deal, and she definitely hadn’t liked it. Ryder was still watching them, god, Ryder was still watching them, he was watching her make a fool out of herself. They needed to leave.
Kitty curled her fingers around Marley’s arm, pulling her to her feet. “Choir room, now. I’ve picked out the perfect song and we barely have any time to practice it!”
Marley collapsed into a chair as soon as they entered the choir room, barely registering Kitty closing the door. Her whole body was trembling, and tears still gathered in her eyes, but she wiped them away with a badly disguised hand running through her hair. The furious, betrayed expression on Ryder’s face was etched into her mind, it wasn’t big, he’d just yelled...but all the warnings her mother said about boys had echoed with each shout to the point where she was absolutely sure he would pull out a switchblade and try to--to rape or kill her.
She covered her mouth to stifle a sob.
Marley.
Oh god, she was supposed to be practicing her duet. Couldn’t Kitty just leave her alone, really, at least when she was a total mess?
Hey, Marley...
Kitty.
Kitty was saying her name.
Marley, take a breath with me okay?
No, Kitty wasn’t supposed to be here. She was supposed to be pushing Marley over during dance rehearsals and commenting on her figure, supposed to be the bitchy head cheerleader with a personal vendetta.
But Kitty was staring at her, eyes hard and lips set. She was going to say something to make her cry more and then tease her about it and Marley wouldn’t be able to take it because maybe, just maybe, Kitty was right again. But her hands still shook so much from being so damn scared in the hallway that Ryder would snap and she’d be alone and defenseless and she felt stupid because nothing had happened but what if it had and Kitty was here to make her feel worse and nothing happened nothing happened so why did it feel like something had—?
“Marley?”
Despite everything, she managed to nod. “Y-yeah.”
“What was that about?”
“Nothing.”
Kitty was quiet. Too quiet. Probably preparing the perfect remark or judging her silently and staring, why was she always staring what was she thinking, oh god, what did she think??
“Just make fun of me already!” Marley suddenly burst out, “That’s why you’re here, right? Look, just humiliate me and call me a crybaby ‘cause I deserve it—he didn’t actually do anything! I’m probably j-just making a huge deal out of everything, god, I’m such a l-loser—”
“Marley!”
“—I’m so dumb, okay? I don’t even know why I’m acting like this! I just heard s-stories about all these things happening with h-high schoolers and I don’t want that to happen to me—”
“Listen—”
“—and the way Ryder was acting I was just so s-scared he was going to pull out a lighter or a knife o-or something like that and now you’re going to say something and it’ll all be so much worse—”
“No, that’s not—”
But the world was spinning and words were coming out without a filter as her mind desperately played back those terrifying moments, preparing for whatever would happen, accepting it, (deserving it) but nothing happened nothing happened she was fine so why couldn’t she stop thinking about it what was wrong with her she was fine nothing happened but this wasn’t fine at all, this was so much worse than fine she was being a baby about this Ryder just yelled and Kitty was there and—
...And somewhere in the real world, she felt a tug in her stomach because suddenly Kitty Wilde’s hands were grasping her quaking shoulders and forcing her to look up. “Breathe, breathe,” Kitty whispered, running a hand through Marley’s hair and tracing circles across her cheeks, catching tears with her fingertips, “Just—just breathe Marley, it’ll all be okay…”
But Marley’s thoughts refused to obey and she was trying, really trying but they kept drowning and suffocating her. Even Kitty was close, too close and claustrophobic and her words lost all meaning; nothing was going to be okay how could it when it felt like she was going to die this was going to kill her because she just couldn’t get any air —
The world dissolved around her and all at once, she could breathe again.
All at once, she was melting.
All at once, Kitty’s lips were pressed against hers and Marley’s face was cupped in two warm hands. It was a life jacket in the roaring, crashing sea of her head that dragged her into reality and she was leaning into it because god she just needed anything to hold on to.
So she grabbed onto the life jacket in the ocean and began to climb until she was no longer in the depths of the ocean, but on the shore, not quite in or out and still locked in the kiss.
The kiss.
She was kissing Kitty.
Kitty was kissing her.
Marley pulled backwards, breaking the contact and leaving her lips buzzing and chest heaving. Kitty’s face was flushed scarlet and she clapped a hand over her mouth, stumbling back a few steps. “Oh no,” she breathed, “Oh no…”
Marley stared, gaping, unable to process.
“No, no no no no no!” Kitty desperately tried to find something to lean against and decided on the doorframe. “This...um...this never happened,” Kitty pleaded, “Ever. I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m so sorry Marley, I didn’t mean to…” Her words disappeared behind the door as she stumbled out of sight, leaving Marley’s head reeling.
... That’s what it felt like to be kissed by a girl?