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To Jake and Amy vacation used to be the equivalent of time off and away from the daily stress, meaning seeking a temporary hideaway in a foreign city or even country. They’d align their respective vacation days in order to leave behind the 9-9, perps, evidence, late nights and paperwork for a week or two. And yes, this was somewhat still true. They’d still abandon the 9-9 and work life in Brooklyn yet their newly founded family of four wasn’t to be left behind.
It definitely wasn’t, Jake thought as he carried his and Amy’s 4-year old and also first born daughter on one arm through the deep sand of some beach in the famous state of California. His other arm was weighed down by carrying a quite huge, hard plastic cooler filled with provision for the little family’s day at the beach. Fitness and whatnot. Because of his job, which required exactly this, Jake thought he was in decent if not even good shape. That was until he’d come face to face with a new kind of physical requirement: the parent-stamina. A stamina that would still occasionally beat his ass even after 4 years of trying to crack its code. A small cry from behind him immediately and on instinct caught his full attention.
“You doing okay, Ames?” He barely managed to breath out, so out of breath with a heaving chest. Slightly worried would be an understatement when his wife was trailing behind, carrying a beach bag with towels and other necessities along with their 2-month old daughter.
“Yeah, but lets not waste any more time looking for a ‘perfect spot’,” she breathed obviously exhausted from the complicated mini-hike from the car featuring small children. “Holly (Yes, Jake did indeed convince his wife to name their daughter after a Die Hard-character) is getting fussy. She’s probably hungry by now.”
Knowing that a hungry 2-month old daughter of his was no joke Jake hurried his waddle through the sand to an open spot amongst many other people, marking it as theirs by planting their first born’s bare feet in the sand. “There, Marcy. Could you please help mommy by grabbing the beach bag, so she can feed Holly? Show me how strong you are!”
The 4-year old’s high pony-tail swayed in the beach breeze as she with much effort ran a few feet back to grab her mother’s bag from her shoulder. “You sure it’s not too heavy, baby?” Amy couldn’t help but worry as she carefully let the bag slide off her shoulder and towards her daughter’s outreached yet tiny arms - all whilst balancing the infant on her other arm.
“It’s okay. I’m strong, you know? Like you and daddy.” With a muted thud the beach bag hit the ground obviously too heavy. Yet before either Amy or Jake could help out, their oldest was struggling yet managing to drag the bag through the sand. The parents’ eyes met under the warmth of the sun, shining with amusement and some weird sentiment of pride as they silently observed their oldest daughter’s admirable willingness to always find a solution.
“Here… Daddy,” the little one breathed out heavily as soon as she was within an arm’s length of her dad.
Within milliseconds Jake reacted to his daughter’s implicit call out for help and grabbed the bag from her, leaving behind the parasol he’d previously been fiddling with in order for his wife and youngest to rest in its shade.
“Thank you, baby,” he swiftly placed the bag as to mark more of their territory for the day before pulling out the colourful beach towels which none of them had seen since last summer. New York, work and the colder seasons didn’t exactly call for beach towels or just… anything beachy in general. After folding out a few towels and soft plaids, the little family quickly settled down for a day in the sun and water.
“Lets go into the water, mommy!” Marcy gleefully screeched, jumping on the spot in excitement meanwhile Jake struggled to blow air into the arm floaties on her tiny arms.
“First of all: mommy can’t come right now. She’s giving Holly her lunch. Secondly: you can’t go anywhere at all before these are fully inflated, so stay still please.” Jake Peralta was an overall very patient dad, but he did have his limits. Especially when it came to the safety of his children… and getting into the water as fast as possible! Gosh, he’d missed the beach!
“Shhh, Holly. Give me a second.” Besides him Amy was sitting beneath the red sunshade, discreetly pulling up the oversized NYPD-shirt she’d borrowed for the occasion before shrugging off right side of her bathing suit. Merging with the crashing waves and screaming seagulls was the sound of Holly’s hungry wails, calling out for attention and more importantly food.
A sudden contrasting silence crashed onto the shore and Jake didn’t have to turn his head to know that his youngest had finally latched onto her mother’s breast which meant the world was once again at peace. Yet, after having fixed Marcy’s second arm floatie he did throw a glance over his shoulder for the sole reason of taking in the beautiful sight of his wife cradling their baby in her arms whilst looking down on her with at ease and loving eyes. Both Jake and Amy knew from experience that being a newborn’s parent was hard work; they’d been there before. Yet there were no hesitations or doubts when Amy one October evening, after putting Marcy to bed, had put aside her crossword to tell him the big news; they were going to be parents for the second time. Now, on a warm August day at the beach, she was here and whilst it had its ups and downs, the little family seemed more complete than ever.
“All good, Ames?” he momentarily kept his eyes on his wife as his supersonic parent-ears paid attention to Marcy and her giggles as she ran the last few feet down to the water’s edge.
Amy looked up from her infatuated dazing at her youngest daughter to send Jake a reassuring smile and nod. “Yeah. Except for the fact that you just let our oldest off without sunscreen.”
“Damn it,” Jake mumbled before throwing a glance in Marcy’s direction where she was currently squatting, still by the water’s edge, in order to touch the cool water. She knew better than to run into the water without her parents presence.
“But besides that you’re really nailing this beach-dad act,” Amy chuckled lovingly before running a free hand through her husbands wind-swept curls immediately earning herself a smile in return. After a few beats of silence it was bound to break and Jake knew the exact the words that would follow. “That said: no way we’re letting her off without sunscreen, so you should probably go get her.” Her voice was firm with its order yet there was a slightly cocked eyebrow and guilty smile that let Jake know that she tried to be suggestive rather than bossy though Jake was the last person on earth to care. Her A-type personality was first and foremost endearing and respectable to him. Then, secondly, slightly intimidating and sexy.
“On it,” he pushed himself off the towel before jogging down to the water’s edge, where he playfully attacked his distracted daughter from behind before lifting and swinging her around in his arms. “I’m the sunscreen monster!” He roared along in what would be the horrible impression of a monster, as he carried her over his shoulder back towards their base. “I’m going to bring you back to my dungeon and keep you locked up until you’ve got your sunscreen applied!”
Gleeful and loud giggles were carried back with the breeze to the mother who couldn’t help but chuckle with sparkling eyes and wonder how she’d gotten this lucky.
“Noooo. It’s sticky and gross!” Marcy whined from where she was lying on his shoulder whilst also trying to fight her way out of his grip - hopelessly, that is.
“It’s upon order from mommy-sunscreen monster, princess,” Jake chuckled slightly out of breath from walking in the deep sand as he grabbed the little girl and sat her down on her towel. “… A-and daddy-sunscreen monster too, of course,” Jake corrected himself upon earning a disapproving glare from his wife that let him know she wasn’t about to let him get away with the blaming.
Quickly with no time to spare before Marcy (generally a prankster with talents when it comes to getting away with quite literally anything) could escape, Jake grabbed the bottle of sunscreen and started applying it to the little human. Usual he found a lot of pride and entertainment in the fact that his daughter was similar to himself. Yet sometimes (times like these) Jake hated that fact that his oldest was much more like him than like her mother.
“Ughhh, daddy. Noooo.”
“The sooner you lie still the sooner you’ll be free,” Jake sighed as he continued the task, chosing to straddle his daughter’s legs in order to keep her somewhat still - whilst making sure not to crush her with his weight, of course.
Impatience was a trait that grew on Jake along with his time as a parent. He would rarely get really upset or yell but Marcy (just like himself) had a tendency to test people’s willingness to put up with anything. “Marcia Santiago-Peralta, you’re going to be the death of me.”
Another breathy giggle escaped his daughter’s lip as she felt herself suddenly lack the power to fight anymore and suddenly lied still. Jake smiled as he finished off her upper body before moving off her legs to quickly apply the last bit of sunscreen in the palms of his hands to her them. “There you go! You’re a free woman now.”
Within seconds Marcy is up and clinging onto her still nursing mother’s shoulder. “I’m all ready now, mommy! Come into the water with me! Please!”
Knowing that her oldest daughter could definitely feel the slight switch in the family dynamic ever since Holly was born, Amy didn’t blame Marcy for seeking her attention. More than ever before, Amy at times felt like she was neglecting her oldest now that 90 percent of her energy was poured into taking care of a still very dependent Holly. This even considering the fact that Jake was an amazing dad who did everything within his power to help whichever way possible. Jake sending her a knowing, reassuring smile from across Marcy’s shoulder did help her feel slightly better, when she had to give the girl a sad smile and break the sad news. “I can’t right now, Marcipan. I’m so sorry.” She reached out and stroked the obviously disappointed daughter’s pouty cheeks. “Holly needs to go to sleep. But later, okay?”
Not liking the response she got, but more or less understanding, Marcy turned on her heels and took heavy steps towards the water. All running, bouncing and joy suddenly seemed to be somewhat sucked out of the little body which caused the mother to feel even worse. A guilty twist automatically formed in her gut only to be followed by her upper teeth digging into her bottom lip.
“I feel bad…” A quiet confession slipped off her lips. Out of the corner of her eye she could see her husband’s head snap in her direction, immediately revealing his concerned yet as always endearing eyes.
“Babe…” He sighed scooting in closer on the wide beach towel. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, Marcy might be a little disappointed right now but trust me; she knows that Holly needs a lot care and deep down she’s not holding it against any of us. We explained that to her even before Holly was born.”
“I know…” Her frustrated sigh was pressed against the child in her arms' forehead as she was placing a kiss to it before looking back up at her husband. “And I love them both so much it hurts, but having two small children is so hard, Jake. I want to give both of them my full attention, but there’s only so much I can do! And I miss work so much… ” Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill.
This automatically drew Jake even closer, an arm wrapping around her back and a tender, long peck to her already sweaty temple. “I know and honestly, Ames?” He pulled back directing his gaze into hers, radiate the need to comfort his wife. On one hand he knew that the last few months had been the biggest joy in their lives. Having not only one but two amazing daughters was truly something Jake had never imagined possible; yet now couldn’t imagine being without. On the other hand, life had never been more chaotic. While they were a good team, dividing tasks between them, there was only so much Jake could do with Holly. He couldn’t physically feed her even if he wanted to… And even if it had nothing to do with breastfeeding, Holly seemed to be a total mommy’s girl who’d sometimes straight up scream-cry and refuse to be held by anyone else but her mother - even her father. Hence Jake taking care of Marcy a lot of the time.
“… You’re doing an amazing job. I know I usually get up with Marcy in the morning and take her to daycare, but even then and on the days that I don’t? You’re such a super-mom. You have two children beneath the age of 5 in your care, and while you might be exhausted by the time I’m off work, you still nail it and I wish I could do the same for you…”
The few tears that had spilled had dried into her cheeks, allowing her smile to replace them. “You would go crazy, Jake… So long at home with them?” They both had to chuckle at that, before Jake’s expression was suddenly tinted with sincerity again.
“Honestly? I don’t think so. Sometimes I actually wish I had more time with them.” Now it was Amy’s turn to rest her head on her husband’s shoulder, letting him know that she was there to listen. “I barely see Holly during the day because I leave and come home when she’s asleep. I always hate dropping off Marcy at daycare, because honestly? I would much rather just hang out with her and do fun stuff. She’s such a smart, cool kid and I feel like I’m neglecting that because of work. Kinda like my dad…”
Red flag. Amy knew that once Jake started comparing himself to his dad, then whatever he was saying was causing him the strongest sense of insecurity and distress. It was truly something that was eating him up inside. “Don’t you dare think that, Jake Peralta.” If her arms hadn’t been cradling their now sleeping 2-month old, Amy would’ve reached out and cradled his heartbreakingly insecure face to let him know he was more than okay. “Look at me.”
From where his eyes had been staring at the static sand for way too long now, switching between that and keeping an eye on their daughter who was now enjoying herself as well as her beach toys by the water’s edge and staring numbingly at the sand, Jake listened to Amy and turned his head to meet her sincere, almost pleading, eyes. “You are not like your dad.” She couldn’t hold him in her arms or hands, but at least he was close enough for her to plant her forehead comfortingly against his. “The only reason why I haven’t gone absolutely mad during these 2 months is because I have the best co-parent to take some of the weight off of my shoulders. The fact that I don’t have to ask you to do things, because you know it’s a natural part of the job as parent and it comes to you instinctually? Makes it so much easier for me. Even the little things… Like helping Marcy put on a DVD, grocery shopping on your way home from work or getting up in the middle of the night when Holly cries to see if it’s something you can solve so I can sleep just a bit longer. All of those little things amongst many others are the reason why we actually enjoy our kids and each other. Without the balance it would be hell and I love you so much for that. Thank you.” She finished off her point by pecking the tip of her nose before pulling back to see a smile plastered across his face. Mission accomplished, she thought to herself.
“While it makes me feel kind of sad that you have to thank me, since apparently co-parenting and equality still isn’t a matter of course in today’s society…” He leaned down to peck the top of his daughter’s head before redirecting his lips towards his wife’s for a peck as prior to straightening back up to look sincerely into her eyes. “Thank you for saying all that. I never expected a thank you, but it’s nice to now that me doing my best is helpful, because I love you and our little family so much, Ames. More than anything. And if I wasn’t giving it 200% effort? I would hate myself.”
“I love you so much too. And I hope I never come across as taking anything or you for granted - even when Holly is throwing up all over me, Marcy is screaming for something and the pasta is burning.”
They both had to laugh at the horrible yet recognisable situation. “I’m a white, cis male. Please, be my guest and take me for granted. I could use the humbleness.”
“Jake,” Amy had to roll her eyes.
“Too political?”
“For a day at the beach with our family after a heart-to-heart talk? Yes.”
“Sorry. Emotions make me uncomfortable?” He smiled sheepishly.
“I know, dork. But you’re doing fairly well,” she had to recognise with a teasing smile. “Now go have fun with our oldest, and I’ll join you as soon as Holly is done napping.”
After a last smile and peck to his wife’s warm, soft lips, Jake shot up from his spot on the beach towel. As by instinct and also the fact that his mentality immediately shrunk to the one of a playing 10-year old, he jogged in the direction of his oldest daughter whilst letting out a roar and immediately earning a scream from her. Amy laughed upon watching him grab her, throw her over his shoulder and run into the waves as she screamed playfully. Soon enough they both dropped and were swallowed by the clear water, earning a giggle from Marcy who had the playfulness of her father.
Amy could not (even if she wanted to) help but smile and giggle along from a distance, because nothing was more wholesome than knowing that she’d picked the perfect father for her perfect children. Especially now that said perfect father was throwing said perfect daughter into the air and letting her drop into the water with a joyous scream.