Chapter Text
Despite what you might think, Virgil hated the dark. He didn’t fear it, per say, but the voices in his head got louder when he was surrounded by it, making it impossible to hear anything else, forcing him to believe in their lies. So maybe he feared it, just a little. He was no baby, however, or he also liked to believe that. He didn’t sleep with the lights on, and he wasn’t going to start doing that now. No matter what anyone told him about his room, he wasn’t going to ruin the atmosphere he had worked so hard on with the light blue lamp his dad- Patton had given him. He wasn’t going to do it!
Alright, maybe he could consider the possibility. If he could stop panicking for once in his miserable life. You see, our dear Virgil had just woken up from a nightmare, on a fairly good day, may I add. He had no reason to stress over the usual issues in Thomas’s life and was actual giving him a day off so they could both relax. So why? Why did he just have that dream?
No matter where he looked, the darkness kept creeping closer. Even under the safety of his weighted blanket, he could feel it’s cold, long claws slipping inside his warm cocoon. No matter if he kept his eyes closed or not, he could still sense it, approaching, inch by inch. When the shadow of his nightmares finally managed to touch his ankle, he snapped. Suddenly, he kicked the blanket off from on top of him and quickly ran out of him room, panting as he leaned his back against the closed door.
He could hear his ragged breathing, his heart pounding in his chest. They shouldn’t need any of Thomas’s bodily functionalities, or whatever Logan called them, but they still had them, for some reason. It was weird and annoying, in Virgil’s opinion. Giving the embodiment of anxiety all the tools to panic was definitely a flaw in the system. He did eventually calm down, managing to focus on his breathing exercises for long enough to tame his emotions. He still gripped his throat lightly out of habit, the usual scratchiness post-attack bothering him to no end, but he didn’t dare move any more than that. Nightmares always had this power over him. They made him feel small, worthless, powerless. He could barely feel his own body from the adrenaline still kicking in his veins. He could see his hands shaking, but he was ignoring that fact. He needed to put himself together, and fast, before his function accidentally started manifesting in Thomas. Not being able to move definitely wasn’t helping that, though.
He looked down the hall, sensing the other’s doors rather than seeing them. He could feel their individual energies, soothing and flickering ever so slightly. They seemed to all be sleeping, just like Thomas. That’s how that’s supposed to go, anyways. The mind space was dark at least, so unless something was terribly wrong, their host should be asleep too.
“No, don’t add to the stress”, he promptly beat himself up, closing his eyes and slowly taking in a breath. He would feel if something were wrong with Thomas; they all would, for that matter. He just shouldn’t be thinking about it right after- “No, don’t think about it either”. His hands had made his way up to his hair, gripping the purple strands tightly even if he couldn’t feel any of the movements he was doing. Perks of being anxiety, he supposed.
He needed a plan of action, Virgil realized, since it was probably really early in the morning. Not that that had ever stopped him from doing anything, but none of the others were awake. He usually would just go up to Logan. They had slowly but surely gotten closer, and the nerd was definitely big help when it came to deconstructing his ridiculous nightmares. He was more than anxious the first time they talked about it, Virgil remembered clearly. But Logan had been nothing more than helpful, and understanding. He respected his boundaries, under the condition that neither of them would judge the other for being up until 5 am. Today, though, Specs seemed to have wrapped up his work early, so he wasn’t going to wake him up, even if he insisted it was alright, his thirst for knowledge making recording Virgil’s nightmares therapeutic for the both of them.
Next on the list was Roman. Even if they still fought constantly, now it looked more like playful banter, rather than harmful insult throwing. And they hang around, sometimes. It still felt somewhat awkward, but they would meet in the common room from time to time and silently give each other company, each of them doing their own thing. So when he felt particularly embarrassed of his more darker dreams, he would find the prince conveniently binge watching some new show on Netflix. Virgil could sense his uneasy aura, basically expelling self-hatred and negativity, and he would carefully sit by his side on the floor, steal the remote from him, and switch it around until he found some light headed crap that could distract the both of them. No questions asked, just understanding company, until they both felt tired enough and fell asleep against each other, where they would stay until any of the others woke up.
Deceit was always an option too. Despite the hate they were forced to act out in Thomas’s videos, they were actually good friends, almost brothers. The snake face sure was terrifying when they were kids, but it was very soft, when Virgil finally gathered his courage to touch it. He would usually be the first one to sense Anxiety’s well, anxiety, and would slitter his way into his room to help him out, a book always under his arm so he could read out loud to him. His fondest memories always had Deceit present, a gentle smile on his lips as he cooed him back to sleep, his gloved hands skillfully scratching his scalp. Virgil would always find him all curled up around him in his snake form on a loose embrace, his snake tongue hissing softly every time he breathed. It was a very cute sight to wake up to.
The only nights he didn’t appear was when Remus needed his assistant too, or when the trash man insisted on helping Virgil. He was more of Deceit’s friend than his, but he could tolerate his existence, on most days. Not that he had any bad intentions, that was very clear from the beginning, but he would accidentally spike Virgil’s anxiety when near, after a bad night. They had both found it the hard way when he skipped after Deceit this one time, always a curious child at heart. Remus had popped up in his room, and simply his presence, mixed in with the sheer power of his room, was so much to bare that Virgil immediately passed out, taking Thomas along with him. He did try to apologize, clearly regretting his impulsive behavior, turning into all sorts of zany things whenever he was around, but unfortunately, it didn’t work. Virgil was wary of him of the rest of the week, clearly avoiding him, and in the end, Deceit simply couched the green side to try a more calm approach, resulting in a silly drawing appearing in the dark side’s room. It was a simple thing, a poor attempt with crayons of Remus hugging him, in what appeared to be his corner of the Imagination, from what he could deduce from the tall, gloomy tower on the background and all the lightning. Still, he appreciated his gesture, and after every time Deceit visited, some drawing would pop up in his room, Remus attempt at comforting him. He would always keep them, pining them on a little cork board he kept hanging on the wall by his bed, thanking him afterwards by watching a conspiracy video with him, or some manageable horror movie.
But he had quickly learned he wasn’t the only one with frequent nightmares. It seemed to be something the younger sides shared between themselves, from what he gathered from Roman, Remus and his own feelings. He wasn’t totally sure Roman had shared that information with the rest of the light sides, and he only half understood why. The moment was never good enough to question him on that, so he respected his boundaries for the time being. On the other hand, Remus wasn’t so closed in on himself as his brother. He would ask for help from whoever would give it to him, usually Deceit, since he was somewhat of a protective figure for the dark sides. So one day, the three of them had created some sort of system, to make sure none of them were alone when needed. Virgil had agreed that if Deceit hadn’t shown up by the time his fight or flight instincts had kicked in, then that simply meant he was helping Remus that night. No other icky tricky reasons behind it. The snake side had also made him promise he wouldn’t be alone if that happened, compelling Virgil the best he could to go to one of the light sides for help. He had complained to no end about it, but he hated to break promises, so only did as he was told.
From the very clear lack of his friend’s presence, that meant this must have been a really bad night for Remus too. In the middle of his still fuzzy mind, he hoped beyond hope that Roman’s twin hadn’t tried to hurt himself this time. He would find out for sure in the morning, but it still dried up him mouth from thinking what had happened last time…
He took in deep breaths, grounding himself. Remus was fine, and so would he be. If he decided on who to go to… He really didn’t want to wake any of them up, if they were all resting peacefully. He had already ruled Roman out, hoping he wasn’t suffering like the rest of the young sides, and he also preferred not to find out if he was. He knew for a fact Logan had been working all day and must have been utterly exhausted if he was sleeping at a normal time for once. He assumed Deceit and Remus must have been together in the dark corner of Thomas’s mind, since he couldn’t feel neither of their presences. That only left Patton.
Now, don’t get him wrong! He loved- liked Patton very much! And he did take several naps all throughout the day, so interrupting his sleep would be less bad than waking any of the others, from a logical standpoint. He just… believe me, Virgil flushed every time he remembered last time he had gone to Patton’s room. Despite all the pastel colors and plushies, Morality’s room bugged him to no end. He felt bare, like he was completely naked whenever he tried to go hang out with him. Probably would feel less embarrassed if he actually did that. Because you see, Virgil felt impossibly small when alone with Patton. Everyone knew the cardigan lover was the child of the group, but the strong paternal feeling he acted upon every time Virgil seemed defenseless was almost overwhelming. And like it was something he only did for Virgil. If you asked him, he would ramble on for hours how sweet and kind dad Patton was, how understanding and calm he became when Virgil needed help. It made him feel okay in seconds, and then comfortable, as he wrapped him in the softest blankets. In the privacy of Patton’s room, Virgil had called him Dad more than once, and he meant every single one of them; not joking, not even once. And that scared him to no end. Even if Patton didn’t mind it, actually smiling more when he did it, he shouldn’t do it. It was weird! He felt like a literal child around him when they were all ground ass adults, and he wasn’t totally sure Patton was aware of that. Well, at least until last time…
Virgil buried his face in his hands, his shame muffling down most of the panic. He did silently thank Patton for not bringing up the situation, but he knew he was curious about it. Who wouldn’t if you shapeshifted into a child out of nowhere? No one knew about it, not even Deceit, but his form simply changed into what he was feeling. It had happened before, in the privacy of his room, mostly when they were still mostly afraid of him. But that was during their adolescence years, and that had been a long time ago. He thought he had stopped being weird when they all accepted him. Virgil guessed this was only a reason why they shouldn’t have done that in the first place.
Still, he needed to face Patton. He was starting to feel really guilty over the whole situation, mostly because he had kept his secret, even if he didn’t ask him to do it. Virgil just didn’t know how to do it. Face him. Should he pretend like nothing had happened, or should he explain? He risked losing his Dad if he did go with the second option, but honesty was best here…
“Guess I’ll figure it out on the way there”, he decided, tiptoeing his way up to Patton’s bright blue door. It felt to him like he had taken hours to get there, every squeak and whine of the boards under his feet making him hold his breath, waiting for the angry yells that never came. The eerie quiet of the morning wasn’t helping him when it came to what he should do, but he definitely just didn’t want to be alone right now.
Before he realized it, he had reached his destination. Patton’s door seemed to glow in the dark, and it probably did, knowing the experiences he had with glowing paint. It had been a mess when he innocently brushed a thin layer of his special paint over Logan’s glasses. His sole intention was so that he could find them in the dark after he woke up, but the father figure hadn’t predicted the nerd would be so attached to his frames. He did apologize for overreacting once he found out Patton had been smart enough to create a paint that was safe to use on most things, that wasn’t flammable or scented, only really flickering to life once the owner of the object was aware of his surroundings; a soft, soothing light. Logan found it of great use once tested, and had shown his regrets by doing most of Patton’s chores on the next day. Most of, because Patton still couldn’t handle letting him do it all by himself.
The pressure of his beating heart quickly brought him back to reality. Just nervousness, not yet panic. He would decide what to do by Patton’s reactions, even if he hated to act without thinking all the possible scenarios. Still, he slowly inhaled, focusing on the warm feeling of his Dad’s aura. It should be okay. It will be okay.
And so, he grabbed the handle and opened the door gently.