Archive of Our Own ^beta

There’s three apartments and a coffee shop. Actually, it’s a lot more than just that.

It starts when Luke Skywalker gets hold of a nice apartment freshman year. His father is funding him, sort of, so he could have got the penthouse or a nicer block, but he takes a fancy to the quaint little two-bedroomed place on the fifth floor. Luke lives there for a month before his friend Padmè Amidala finally gets around to visiting him and she, too, takes a liking to the place and moves into the flat across from him, and so they number two. A year passes before Darth Vader finally graduates from high school and moves in with Luke. No one really knows what happened next but it’s like a dam broke, and suddenly there’s a fucking flood of people working their way into Luke’s life.

Padmè is jealous of Luke and therefore Han is discovered, Han who gladly takes up the role of best friend and roommate. Next comes Rather Alcoholic Guy, who arrives home drunk most nights (which is fucking hilarious most of the time and warrants popcorn and four smushed faces against the window) and oh! Rather Alcoholic Guy has a friend, a friend they dub Extremely Buff Male Friend. Luke’s window gives the group a very good view of Rather Alcoholic Guy and Extremely Buff Male Friend’s flat. One day Rather Alcoholic Guy stumbles in drunk and falls over and doesn’t get up, and Extremely Buff Male Friend isn’t there, and Darth Vader gets worried and calls 999 and that’s how Rather Alcoholic Guy and Extremely Buff Male Friend become Chewbacca and Obi-Wan Kenobi. From then on Chewbacca and Obi are friends with Luke and Darth and Han and Padmè.

There’s also R2-D2, who moves in with Chewbacca and Obi later, but no one knows exactly when. Oh, and there’s C3-PO. C3 is considered a friend of the whole group’s because C3 is a squishy puppy and C3 is so cute and C3 spends time with the group but still, no one knows where he actually lives or how old he is (although he’s suspected to be around 21. Darth is 19 and Leia is 24 so he’s around the middle, age-wise). And, honestly, who the fuck knows when Leia showed up? She’s Luke’s Friend From A Long Time Ago and, if everyone’s honest, she could have been there the whole fucking time, and they might not have noticed because Leia spends most of her time in the corner plotting their lives. In fact, Luke’s flat only has two bedrooms so it was left to Darth and Obi to wonder where Leia is sleeping, but they decide that Leia doesn’t really live there so much as just be there about 60% of the time.

And so there’s three apartments (four, if C3 lives in an apartment) between nine creatures, although Chewbacca and Obi’s flat is less lived in than the others because they spend most of their time at Luke’s, cooking the man his meals. Obi is a great cook whereas Luke’s cooking is along the lines of ‘leave the food in the pan for an hour and come back to find it on fire.’ Darth can’t cook much, but the things he can make, he makes well. Chewbacca doesn’t really do anything useful besides be a source of entertainment, intoxicated or not, but that’s Chewy’s talent, and really, it’s the best one of the lot. Padmè, being Arthur’s friend, can’t cook either, and maybe that’s the biggest reason she took in Han, because Han is so good at cooking that he and Obi have cook-offs, but they always tie because the judges (Darth and, surprisingly, Leia) always decide that it’s impossible for the two dishes to beat one another. When Leia isn’t judging these contests (and maybe she only does it for the food) she’s sitting in the corner or she’s not even there. Or is she? It’s hard to tell. R2-D2 has a very attractive body and C3 is just adorable. Everyone likes to cuddle R2 and C3 at the same time because of the mixed feelings – cutesy or sexy?

They have a downstairs neighbour – Jabba - who is very easily angered and entertains the ever popular habit of banging on his ceiling/Arthur’s floor with different items and yelling at them to shut up, which is the behaviour one might expect of an elder person, but Jabba doesn’t appear to be any older than Leia. Jabba’s taken a liking to Leia, maybe because they both have the same psychopathic tendencies, and Chewbacca swears they exchange different methods of killing people, and Leia keeps the list somewhere in Luke's room. Luke doesn’t believe it, although everyone else does, and he doesn’t allow anyone inside his room to check if it’s true.

There’s their coffee shop downstairs, which technically isn’t theirs, but Darth reasons that they spend enough time in there to own at least half of it, and once Han actually took this seriously and told the owner, Yoda, about this, and now he makes him clean up Chewy’s vomit whenever the creature stumbles in there at half-past three in the morning (because Yoda has no schedule – the coffee shop is open when he wants it to be, which is actually fairly often and until very late). Han and Darth both have part-time jobs there which they enjoy most of the time because although Yoda has his faults, he’s a generous being and gives them free food and lets them off work before closing time, but the latter is fair enough because, as mentioned earlier, Yoda entertains weird hours.

As people, they go around their daily lives like this.

Padmè is one of the many college students in the block who has a blog dedicated to her best friends. She’s taking classes in journalism, and actually one of her long-term assignments is to keep a diary or blog, so really, http://darthandlike.tumblr.com/ is educational. Padmè is scary, Padmè takes self defence classes with Obi, and Padmè is sleeping with Han. Padmè is also sleeping with C3, but that kind of sleeping is more along the lines of cutesy cuddling. In fact, everyone has cutesy cuddling moments with C3. Padmè eats chocolate and writes about Darth and Luke. Actually, Padmè is an avid fanfiction writer, and she posts her fanfiction on fanfiction.net, and although it’s got views, it hasn’t got as many views as some fanfictions, because those fanfictions are about angels and demon hunters from television shows falling in love and Padmè’s fanfiction is about real people. Padmè does enjoy the fanfiction about the demon hunters and the angels, though, because she watches the show that the characters are from when she’s not blogging. Also, Padmè hosts Doctor Who marathons in her flat with everyone, because everyone likes Doctor Who.

Luke doesn’t watch as much television as everyone else because Luke is a fit bastard and Luke is going to stay that way. Arthur doesn’t go to the gym because he’d rather run around the city and take lightsabering classes with Han’s friend-with-benefits, R2 (R2 knows about Han and Padmè. God yes, he knows more than he should). Luke is very good at lightsabering, and if he wasn’t such a good soul it’d be worrying. Unfortunately, Luke is too busy pursuing a career in law to follow the path of fencing. Luke is a very social person, and often drags Darth along when he goes to college parties or the nightclub a few blocks away. Usually that particular excursion ends with a very intoxicated Darth and an exhausted Luke, who then has to bring Darth home (not, of course, without difficulty).

Darth plays video games (on any platform – Wii, Xbox, Playstation, DS, Gameboy) and reads and cooks stir-fry and doesn’t go outside until he absolutely has to. It’s not that he doesn’t like social situations, it’s just that he can’t ever be bothered preparing for them. Luke dedicates a few minutes of every day (whenever he’s reminded, which is whenever he looks at Darth) to researching how Darth can be as skinny as he is without doing anything. Darth worships Doctor Who and reads sci-fi/fantasy books and doesn't have a sleep or food schedule, which means everyone but him sleeps in his bed and Luke is always running over and forcing Darth to eat and then forcing him to sleep. Darth is actually taking a gap year to do whatever he wants, because taking a year off school is a very attractive option to him, and his mum doesn’t make him do anything, whereas the Padmè and Luke's parents decided that Luke and Padmè would definitely not be taking a gap year because they may as well get college over and done with. Also, Darth has skinny ankles. Darth’s skinny ankles worry Luke so Darth doesn’t wear skinny jeans. Problem solved – if Luke can’t see the ankles, Luke doesn’t think about the ankles.

Han was once described by Darth in one word, and he obscurely said ‘Lillipup.’ Everyone pretended to know what that meant and when the game was over they all searched it up on Google and found that it was a cute, puppy-like Pokemon. Really, he could have just said ‘puppy.’ Because Han is as much a puppy as C3. She’s emotional and is easily upset and Padmè would protect Han with everything in her power. Han is a dancer and he has a habit of accidentally showing off her mangled feet, which makes everyone’s urge to shield he rise considerably, even if they do look a little disgusting. Han is dating R2 and is best friends with Leia and he is sleeping with the both of them (separately, at the same time, it didn’t matter). Han also has a serious addiction to cocoa.

Chewbacca is fucking hilarious. Chewbacca gets drunk every other night and makes jokes and is the most loyal man you’ll ever meet. Chewbacca has brown hair that’s long but not long enough to tie back, which everyone is thankful for because Chewy would look horrible with his hair tied back. Chew lives with Obj and R2 and probably really wants to be a comedian, but nobody is really sure what class he takes because he never goes. So, yeah, Chew should have a hangover 24 hours a day but he doesn’t appear to. Darth thinks he’s just hiding it while Luke entertains the idea that Chew drinks so much that he’s developed a sort of immunity to it. Neither of them bother to ask.

Obi has a job at the gym – he’s a boxer. Everyone is jealous of Obi’s buffiness but no one can be bothered to try and form some semblance of a gym routine themselves. Leia takes self-defence classes with Obi and he reports that she should be teaching him, which is infinitely worrying, especially to Luke, who’s been threatened by his sister countless times before (granted, he was in the wrong) and didn’t really want her to be able to throw him on the ground with ease. As mentioned before, Obi is a master chef and cooks food most nights.

R2 is a "sexy, sexy robot" according to Han. He was a champion programmer until he suffered from an injury that didn't stop him typing, but it was major enough to stop him playing with the big boys. So now he switches between casual programming and teaching kids. Han sometimes watches R2 teaching and fanboys over how good he is with kids. R2 would love to have kids (with Han, best case scenario) and settle down in a nice house in the country with a white picket fence (after traveling the world and making a difference, of course).

There's not much to say about C3, except that he lives more than a few blocks away and likes to watch animal documentaries.

Leia is Luke's Friend/hidden sister From A Long Time Ago, and that's about the gist of it. Leia disappears for days on end and only reappears when Darth tempts the elusive woman with his stir-fry. Leia loves Darth’s stir-fry, and when she asks for it no one dares deny her because, frankly, Leia is even scarier than Padmè. Leia carried loads of guns and Padmè wants to try that out. Leia might be dating Jabba but whenever someone mentions the slug she narrows her eyes and growls, so they don’t want to ask.

To summarize, there's three apartments, a few strange creatures, a green barista who's not all there, so to speak, and the coffee shop in which they spend more time in than they do in their own flats.