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They have called it by many names.
Some say it was "The Non-Event Event". Most choose to call it the "Armageddon't". It was also called either "Armageddawhat", "Armawhutnow", and "No seriously , nothing? Cause I really wanted to use my pointy sword."
To the Archangel Gabriel, he would simply refer to it with a shrug.
Naturally , he had opted to not talk about it at all. It was a chaotic few weeks, because both the armies of Heaven and Hell had been waiting for this moment and then...
Nothing.
He had conferred once with the Lord Beelzebub as to how they were going to break the news to their respective underlings . Intimidation had been considered , perhaps a calm town hall meeting, allocating a large part for a questions and answers .
(Both of them went for intimidation, and for the first time in about a millennia, Heaven and Hell bore witness to their true forms .)
(Gabriel shared that Sandalphon fainted. It made Beelzebub holler with laughter, because she wagered Sandalphon would have been the first to go . Gabriel lost the second wager when it was Hastur, and not Dagon who squealed upon the reveal of their Master's form .)
Weeks had turned into months - at least if a human were to measure it - and then a couple of years. The uneasy peace became somewhat tolerable, until it was understood by everyone involved that the "Ineffable Plan" could only be best described with a -
"¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
Beelzebub's flyPhone buzzed against their thigh. Discreetly , they went to check for the message the other party had sent.
Their eyes flew up to the ceiling, at least they would like to think it could be considered as a glare directed to the sender .
This meeting was a boring one, yes, and Beelzebub had - oh Satan's Sweaty Balls - prayed - for anything else to be in rather than this .
They should have been specific as to where they would rather be.
Without looking, they typed up a reply, which roughly translated to -
"Im in smrryjng fuck off."
Not that Gabriel waited for the reply, but he was rather glad that the red bubble had showed up, the ellipsis blinking back at him .
After all, the Lord Beelzebub was not known to quickly reply back to the messages he sent.
(He had given them a modified phone, one from the old models they had used not that long ago. Yes, he was aware of the implications of giving the Other Side their hardware. But then again, after the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, who really cared what they were doing? Heaven knows which Angels and Demons were fraternizing anyway.)
Then suddenly , a buzz ( literally , the sound of a fly buzzing), and the text came in.
Gabriel squinted at the reply. They got the first and the last words right, but what the hell was "smrryjng"?
Now, he had two options. One, he could wait for the said meeting to be over, and they would see the reply they sent. Beelzebub would see their mistake, then reply back with a corrected version of their message .
Gabriel being Gabriel - decided on the second option.
"?????????"
Satan's Sweaty Balls, the bird brain could not take a hint.
Another quick glance, and they see the text composed of too many question marks. "Lucifer give me strength," they mutter under their breath. They catch Dagon's curious glance - after all, who looks at their pants and makes a face as if to mean they want to burn the whole room down ?
Beelzebub types up a quick reply, and hopes the dumbass gets it.
"MEETING"
Gabriel reads the reply, and manages to say "Oh," out loud.
Not that he himself didn't have meetings. God knows he attends his fair share of them. But he could have sworn their meetings didn't take up that much time, nor did it involve him wanting to ask everyone in attendance, "This could have been done with a memo, right ?"
Having exhausted option two, he now proceeded with option one, and tried to look through his daily schedule . A couple of meetings (the important, book a meeting room kind), then a few reports he had to verify and...
Heavenly hosts, were their days this boring back then?
He wondered if it would be flagged if he had cancelled all the meetings and missed the deadline for the reports. After all, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ had happened, so... Why bother on continuing on doing all these things?
"For Her glory," he tells himself, as if trying to bring sense back. "For the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory -"
Another buzz, and Gabriel almost drops his phone when he tried to unlock his phone.
He lets the grin escape from the lips - it slipped his mind that it was Beelzebub's turn to designate the meeting place .
It used to be that they had tried to one up the other - they chose places of extreme climes, places of discomfort, places where they would rather be anywhere else but be there .
Gabriel thinks that both of them just didn't want to back down from a worthy challenge. He selects the coordinates and pins it to the map, and the grin is replaced with a confused facial scrunch.
"14°33'24.1 N 121°03'15.5 E"
It was Dagon who ended the meeting, disappointing Hastur who, had taken time to prepare a full deck on his presentation called " No really , when are we punishing the flash bastard ? "
Demons had more sense, only that it takes time for them to actually get to the goddamned point. Dagon was somehow gifted with the ability to understand when a meeting was taking too long, and more often than not, it was her who would wrap things up .
(Yes, they were the ones doing the endless torment. But damn, common sense would dictate that they would not do that to each other.)
Beelzebub headed out quickly , giving a quick thankful shoulder pat to Dagon, then walked to the secured walls of their office . They could admit that they looked forward to this meeting, but then you would not live to tell the rest of it.
They had triple checked if the coordinates would be clear enough for the bird brain to understand . Beelzebub, satisfied on where the pin had landed on the map, sent the coordinates to Gabriel.
There was an unmistakable look of glee in their face, relishing at the different possible reactions Gabriel could have .
It had been raining for a week, as a somewhat natural occurrence in this part of the world, and thus some lightning would have been normal .
Unfortunately, Gabriel could not do his usual shock and awe of arriving by lightning. The coordinates led to a rather crowded place, on top of a building, at night.
So really , all he could do was to have the rains fall down a bit heavier, and he miracles himself to be untouched by the rain while the humans scurried to the other shelters available in the vicinity .
He looks up to where they were supposed to meet, and by God, his eyes lit up.
In golden letters, the place bore his name.
And his rank.
"Saint Gabriel the Archangel Chapel" he whispers.
He thinks it's adorable, really .
Gabriel knew of the human tendency to name places after saints and archangels. Not that he kept count, but he knows his name was often given to places of worship. Not that he went in one of those either, it felt too self indulgent.
But then again, why here? Beelzebub must be around here somewhere - "Ahh!"
He yells, eyes growing wide with wonder, quickly replaced by fear, then eventually ending in worry .
The Archangel Gabriel saw the Prince of Hell, Lord Beelzebub inside the chapel that bore his name, waving enthusiastically at him .
"How?" they see the Archangel mouth the question, and it makes them laugh hard.
How indeed? Beelzebub had a theory, but right now, their main focus for this whole meeting was to see Gabriel's stupid face when he sees them inside, not yelping and dancing in pain .
Gabriel enters the chapel, drenched in rain. He had forgotten to keep himself dry as he scrambled to get in as quickly as possible.
"We have to get out - WHAT ARE YOU THINKING - why here of all the places - ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE -"
He could not quite finish any form of question that was coming out of his mouth.
"Relax," they tell him as he swipes some of his wet hair away from his face. Beelzebub tsks at the transferred wetness to her coat, and quickly waves it dry. Gabriel has somehow regained some sense, and does the same.
He breathes in, tries to calm himself, then asks them, "This is a sacred place - what are you trying to do now?"
Beelzebub breaks into a smile, ready to taunt the Archangel, until they get interrupted .
"You've figured it out!" Gabriel pulls them in for a hug, then places them at arms' length. "You've somehow managed to understand how the traitors did it! I knew you'd be able to break the code!"
They lift a finger up, but Gabriel didn't seem to notice. Beelzebub could not help but notice the uptick on Gabriel's aura, the one they had felt back then in the airfield. "This is the breakthrough we've been waiting for! And this is why you chose this place - so far away from London, may I add. Somehow avoid the detection and what have you. Beelz, you genius - OW!"
Gabriel lets go of the Prince of Hell as he rubbed the cheek that had just been recently slapped. "If you let me get a word in," they tell him, "You're going to hear my reasons as to choosing this place in the first... Place."
Gabriel nods, still quite in awe as Beelzebub was able to sit down on one of the pews.
"Sorry to disappoint you butterfly, but I haven't figured ANYTHING out."
That surely wiped the smile off Gabriel's face. "But you're inside... This chapel. MY chapel, If I may add," a small smile came back.
"That's because it's a part of a mall. With some office buildings. It's surrounded by softer versions of dens of iniquity. You have people who, are not that aware, are practicing some version of the deadly sins on a daily basis."
His smile was quickly replaced with a worried look. Gabriel sits in the pew behind where they were, and leans in to ask, "So, consecrated grounds don't work here?"
"That's what I thought, but there's a church not that far from here. That's still consecrated, can't even enter the blasted thing." Beelzebub huffs at that.
Gabriel tried to remove the worry from his voice, but it's unmistakably stuck. "You tried to go inside a church?"
"Because I had to test the theory. Made the mistake of touching the door handle," they showed their hand, and the still red mark was there.
"Oh," Gabriel whispers, but they hear it. "May I?" he asks, offering his palm.
Now, Beelzebub can heal themself, but the burn came from a consecrated place, so some divine intervention was appreciated .
Gabriel size may not show it, but he's gentle enough when needed. He cradles the rather small hand of the Prince of Hell, then lets the other hand touch the palm.
It's a quick healing, something he may need to write a report about, but then again, after the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, who even cared about why miracles happened ?
"Thanks," Beelzebub mutters, and just as quickly , tells him, "Ask me what the name of the place was."
"The church you tried to enter into?" he asks, and he gives in to that mischievous look in their eyes. "What's the church called?"
"It's the Saint Michael the Archangel parish church."
At that Gabriel's face fell.
"WHAT THE HELL NOW?" he yells, and it makes Beelzebub double over with laughter.
Gabriel tries to shove away feelings of jealousy, however , it did the trick. "Michael gets a whole ass church while I get this... TINY!!! Incredibly tiny chapel???"
Beelzebub could not quite recover, especially with Gabriel visibly fuming at the glaring size difference between the two places of worship .
"It's not funny Beelz," he huffs, as he props his elbow on the pew they sat on.
"Aren't you angels supposed to be higher than such comparisons?" they ask, as soon as they have managed to regain their composure.
"Yeah, but... Come on... Church? Versus this chapel?"
Beelzebub notices the tinge of hurt in his voice. "Does it matter that much to you?"
Gabriel could only shrug. "It shouldn't, but it kind of does. I mean, is this even consecrated ground if you can get inside?"
He stops himself, but it's out there now. He hadn't meant to, but it sure had the same effect to Beelzebub as the slap they had given him earlier.
Oh Satan's Sweaty Balls, it wasn't supposed to go this far. Beelzebub supposed they touched a nerve, the one that has amplified since the ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ happened.
Not that they were keeping score, but in between him being too enthusiastic during the annunciation and armageddon failing to launch, Beelzebub knew Gabriel was feeling quite inadequate .
"You don't suppose this is... Her... Indirectly demoting me?" he asks them, his huge form rather occupying a lot of space in the small spaces between their pews.
At that moment, the phrase "fire in their eyes" wasn't quite applying with Gabriel. They had seen it at the airbase, when the two of them were trying to convince the Antichrist to start the war. That went on during their meetings, but then it had become this quiet, sometimes sad look that made Beelzebub bless to herself .
It occurs to them, that all this time, Gabriel had been finding ways of trying to keep his faith with Her. Why else was he too damned excited when he thought they had figured out how to be immune? Did he too, count the days until the war started again?
Because Beelzebub certainly didn't. At least, that's how they thought of it. After all, the lull that happened since then had allowed for moments to recoup, to strategize to...
Do the same thing over and over again. The only thing that had been different was the occurrence of these meetings with Gabriel, the only opportunity they both had to vent, somehow .
They'd be damned if they ever admit out loud that they looked forward to these.
Perhaps Gabriel felt the same, but considering how he had thought they had achieved the same level of immunity as the traitors, his mind surely was elsewhere . That his mind was dangerously going somewhere else.
Oh for Heaven's sake, they'd be damned thrice over if it was ever found out that they showed compassion for an Archangel .
With all the sincerity they could muster - and it was quite a lot - Beelzebub lets their hand rest on his. A deep sigh, and they tell him, "You have many churches and chapels named after you. It so happens that this one is an exception to that consecrated ground rule."
Their gaze travels past him, to the people outside waiting for the rain to stop. Beelzebub points at them. "Most of the people in this place work all day and night. There must have been points in their lives that they are breaking, and they have so many options on how to temporarily forget everything . Some may choose to drink, some may choose to eat. Most of the time, they will choose to live to blissful abandon. This?" they gesture around them.
"This offers a quiet place of contemplation," their voice barely a whisper, "A few minutes and they can pray, or even close their eyes . It's not as often as you may like it, but it does happen. And this place that shares your name offers that."
Gabriel's slowly breaks into a smile, and without hesitation, gives a small kiss on their knuckles .
"Thanks," he offers a genuine, heartfelt gratitude, and it reflects on his damned violet eyes.
The silence was disturbed by a knock, as a guard starts his admonishment of the two.
"I'm sorry, ma'am sir, you can't stay-"
"CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE PRAYING HERE!?!?!" Beelzebub bellowed, prompting Gabriel to sit up a bit straighter, and the guard to stumbling out to leave them in peace .
Gabriel risked a look at Beelzebub, who had the beginnings of their wings poking out of their back. He took another risk and made the motion of poking them back to where they came from.
"Yeah, I don't think these humans need to see a demon inside a chapel right now," he said. "Don't make us lose a couple of believers."
Beelzebub smiled at that. "Is that so?" Gabriel's eyebrows shot up, as he realized what he had just said.
"That's proprietary information, and I'd really appreciate it if you kept it to yourself."
Beelzebub stretched and rolled their shoulders, snapping the wings back to their place. "Your secret's safe with me butterfly," they reply with a wink. Gabriel stands up, and wordlessly asks if he can take the seat beside them.
Beelzebub nods their approval.
A few moments pass by, and Gabriel risks something yet again, when he quietly asks them, "Do you miss it? You know?" he gestures up to the ceiling, and thus, to the heavens.
Beelzebub was quick to shake their head. "Heaven wasn't that much of a home for some of us. There were only small pockets where we felt safe. Those were taken from us."
Gabriel nods - he knows that feeling far too well.
"But this?" Beelzebub makes a gesture around the chapel. "This is... Nice."
The Archangel smiles. "I'll make a note of that."
The Prince of Hell stands up, walks to the front and looks at the statue. Gabriel notices it, and heaves out another disappointed sigh. "I cannot believe that's how I am depicted." They try not to laugh, but it is rather hard not to when the Archangel Gabriel, the Messenger of God and a rather esteemed Archangel, is represented by a rather small statue with the most neutral expression an angel can ever muster .
"I don't know," Beelzebub says, touching the sculpted cloud beneath the statue's feet. "I'd say there was a likeness."
In an instant, the Archangel stood beside them. "You'd think they'd notice if I tweaked it, just a tiny bit?"
"They'd certainly notice if it suddenly became a bit more handsome." Beelzebub replies, not minding the blush that was starting to form on their cheek.
Gabriel raises an eyebrow at that, only for his side of the repartee to be interrupted by a rather angelic chime. "Oh Satan's Sweaty Balls, I have another meeting." Beelzebub mutters as they see the alert on the phone.
"Another one?" Gabriel crosses his arms, then puts his hands in his pockets. "Are endless meetings supposed to be torture for your lot?"
Beelzebub pockets the phone and straightens themself. They extend a hand, an invitation for a handshake. "This has been productive, don't you agree."
Gabriel accepts, then asks as he lets go of their hand, "Same time, same place next week?"
Beelzebub saunters in the aisle and opens the glass door, taking in the fact that it has not yet stopped raining. "Let me make a rain check." They smile, and walk into the rain, disappearing in the steam into the night.