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“Hyung, can I kiss you?” Jaehyun asked out of the blue as he stopped in his tracks, his feet embedding clear footprints on the warming sand. They were walking by the beach to start off the day, holding and swaying each other’s hands as they did.
It was Jaehyun’s idea, to come to the beach when it was still empty and wait for the sun to rise. After Taeyong had woken up in a cold sweat from a nightmare and had found that he couldn’t go back to sleep even when Jaehyun hummed to him, the younger had suggested they leave the rest house for an early escapade. “You need some peace of mind. This super project has been stressing you out so much. It’ll just be us and silence, hyung,” he had said, and Taeyong had acquiesced.
And after almost half an hour of walking and sky-gazing, the sun was now at a considerable height from the horizon, the sky a pale blue as it mirrored the waves that had almost completely ceased from crashing forcefully against the shore. Even so, the beach was still quiet and bare, as though the surroundings were still stuck in that stage of waking that involves a silent yawning and stretching of the limbs.
“What? No. Someone might see us," Taeyong said as he also stopped as a result of being pulled back by Jaehyun who suddenly stood still, the incredulity in his voice evident. Jaehyun knew they couldn't kiss in public, not even when there seemed to be no people around because if their careers have taught them anything, it was that the outside world was a jungle with eyes that knew how to lurk and hide.
The sound of the waves washing over the shore helped to punctuate the silence that ensued right after Taeyong's reply. "Jae," Taeyong tried, only to sigh as soon as he spotted the nascent pout on the edges of Jaehyun's lips. Pulling on the younger's hand, he tried to lead them back to where they had come from as he said, "We should be heading back, anyway. Manager hyung might worry—"
The easiness with which Jaehyun managed to lift him up until he was left with no choice but to wrap his arms involuntary around the younger's head was, well, nothing short of ridiculous and amazing.
"What— Jaehyun!" Taeyong exclaimed, eyes widening at the younger who only laughed at his surprise. He struggled to free himself of Jaehyun's hold, but to no avail. "What are you doing? Put me down! People might see—"
"So, here's what's going to happen, hyung," Jaehyun started, the dimples on his cheeks spelling mischief as he tightened his hold on Taeyong. "You're going to stop worrying about strangers seeing us or I'm going to take the both of us into the water."
"Are you crazy?" Taeyong blurted, knowing full well that the water must be freezing at this time of the day. "Put me down!" he ordered.
"Your choice, hyung," Jaehyun hummed as he started to move, and before Taeyong could shout another string of objections, Jaehyun had already walked towards the water, the water splashing against their ankles and knees.
Taeyong shrieked as a particularly strong and high wave hits them and splashes water against his side, causing him to tighten his hold around Jaehyun's head and shoulders, his legs coming around to circle Jaehyun's waist. The water was cold as he had thought it would be and, before long, he could feel the start of goosebumps prickling certain areas of his skin. He continued to shriek, the sound easily turning into his main expression of protest.
Jaehyun, on the other hand, only laughed, although softer than the sonorous and chest-heaving laughter that Taeyong knew he was fully capable of. He had stopped when the water reached just a little above his thigh, shoulders tensing at the coldness. "I don't know why you're being so stubborn," he said. Then, he continued, voice suddenly serious, "Look, there's no one around. And, if someone does come, they'll most probably be unaware of who we are."
Taeyong struggled. He couldn't believe that Jaehyun was actually going through lengths just to prove his point today, but he decided he wouldn't budge. "Jaehyunnie, please. Put me down—"
The soft and poorly-disguised crestfallen look on Jaehyun's face—the smile weak and the eyes glassy and despondent—was what cut him off effectively. Aside from worrying about being caught, Taeyong couldn't think of anything else that he had done to cause the change in Jaehyun's face that was, just a moment ago, smiling with glee. He racked his mind for answers while staring at the way Jaehyun tried to smile again. Then, he found himself shuddering, both at the coldness of the sea and of the answer that his mind had come up with: he had been so busy these past few weeks and had just found out yesterday that he was going to be even busier, especially with the new group that he was going to debut in along with a few of his seniors; amidst everything, Jaehyun probably felt abandoned.
"Jae," Taeyong breathed out, the beating in his chest slowing down with the waves, "I'm sorry—"
"I miss you," is what Jaehyun said, perhaps to explain the expression on his face that he had allowed to slip, to burden Taeyong. "And I know it's a big project and that we'll get through it fine but I'm still scared. And I just. I miss you, hyung," he confessed. "Sometimes I think you'll pull off an Ariel and just... poof. Go off in bubbles."
Taeyong snorted, smiling as he reached out to pinch Jaehyun's cheek and said, "It depends on which version of The Little Mermaid you think we are, dummy." Then, as a result of the warmth and ever-growing fondness in his chest, he found himself mumbling, "If you ask me, we're Disney."
Jaehyun's face lit up again at that, eyes warm and genuine despite the obvious smirk on his face. "The one that ends in marriage and a rainbow? Love wins?" he asked.
Taeyong smacked Jaehyun's chest playfully. "I guess," he said, suppressing the grin that threatened to blossom on his face.
Jaehyun laughed, his shoulders shaking as he did. Then, he tightened his hold around Taeyong's waist, pulled the elder impossibly closer, and asked, "So, can I kiss you?"
Taeyong stared at the flush creeping on Jaehyun's ears and cheeks, and at the way the sun cast an aureole that looked as spellbinding as a flower crown over the younger's head. He had missed him too, he realized. For weeks he had been doing his best not to drown in work and in the waves of anxieties that accompanied it. He had felt as though he was stranded in the middle of a vast hopelessness, only to realize now that he had only needed to swim towards the younger to feel better again—to turn his sails and his attention to Jaehyun, the sole beacon of light in the darkness that so often swept him up.
"Okay, you should know I'm not forcing you," Jaehyun interrupted, moving his mouth in the manner that he always did whenever he was uncertain about something, his lips flattening into a thin line that poked his dimples out. "And you're actually right. Somebody might see us. People will start coming here soon—"
Taeyong kissed him then and there, both hands reaching out to pull the younger's face closer to his and keep it there. The kiss was chaste at first, but as with their usual kisses, slowly melted into a breathless synchronization of open mouths and touch-starved tongues. Taeyong's hand found its way to the dip in between Jaehyun's collar bones, where it stayed and fisted at the collar of Jaehyun's shirt. The press of Jaehyun's mouth against his was warm and comforting amidst the cold breeze that blew towards them, and Taeyong couldn't help but want more of what Jaehyun was willing to give when he felt him smile into the kiss, the waves of pleasure wrapping and numbing his senses in that familiar charge through the nerves that he only ever experiences with Jaehyun.
He had missed this, he thought as he gasped when Jaehyun grabbed at his hips. He had really and truly missed this.
They stopped after what seemed to be a long five minutes, forced to separate at the sound of laughter from a distance. They both contemplated jumping away from each other, only to change their minds after finding out that the laughter had come from two children running at the shore. Soon, they found themselves laughing too, partly in relief and for the most part in fondness.
Then, Jaehyun let Taeyong down and they both shivered at the cold, eager to be back on land as soon as possible.
Back on the shore and on their way to the rest house with their hands finding each other again, Jaehyun spoke, "You know, children should be kept from seeing people like us."
Taeyong looked back at the younger, who had a curious look on his face. "What," he asked, "Because it's bad to be like us?" By 'us,' he had meant the usual, the often left unspoken, especially in the industry that they were in: gay.
"No." Jaehyun shook his head. "Cause, when they see us, they'll start wanting to be in love."
Taeyong chuckled, amused, faking a shiver to indicate that he was cringing from Jaehyun's statement even when he really felt the opposite, which was tenderness. "And that's supposed to be bad, how?" He exchanged Jaehyun's hand for the younger's shoulder, even when putting an arm over the other was a bit uncomfortable due to the differences in their heights.
"Cause it can hurt," Jaehyun said simply. There was no sadness in his voice, only a hint of rumination, which meant that he had thought about this before.
Tilting his head, Taeyong gave the younger a questioning look. "Do I hurt you, Jaehyun?" he asked.
Jaehyun put his hand over Taeyong's, which rested on his shoulder, squeezing it as he said, "Sometimes. Like how I hurt you."
"Oh. Yeah... Sometimes," Taeyong said, thinking that he knows exactly what Jaehyun was getting at.
Then, Jaehyun placed his arm around Taeyong's waist, pulling the elder close as he spoke, with a certainty that he used rarely, "But it's worth it," he said, meaning to say, "I wouldn't trade it for anything else. The hurt is always only temporary, anyway."
And Taeyong leaned into his touch, eyes closing as he breathed in Jaehyun's warm scent which smelled like the idea of the sand, the sea, and the sun. "Yeah," he whispered, knowing full well that no words needed to be said anymore, but still he persisted, "I'll call you every day, Jae. That’s a promise."
Jaehyun smiled as he exhaled. "I know. I'll wait for you every day, and that’s a promise, too."
"Thank you," Taeyong said, and they slipped into another silence, holding each other until they reached a point where they had to let go in case anyone sees them. It was okay because it was normal—the letting go and the separation, that is.
Because, unlike what they felt for each other, it was only temporary.