Chapter Text
Candy. Xue Yang remembers the brown wrapper in his palm it is stained with something red and liquid. He knows it’s a candy, he can tell, he can remember the taste in his tongue. It was sweet, it should be…It’s good, it would melt and saturate in his mouth and disappear.
Ah, yes, it’s gone, a voice in his mind tells him. He opens his eyes and he blinks from the onslaught of brightness. He finds himself sitting across a low table, his hands flat against the surface. His fingertips, had they always been this clean? He stares quietly at them before looking up and finding a man sitting across him, a small smile in his lips. He seems familiar.
“Who…who are you?” Xue Yang asks while remaining as composed as he can in the presence of the stranger.
Instead of answering the man pulls something out of the pocket of his jacket, he places it in the middle of the table. Xue Yang stares, a small item wrapped in a brown packet. Something inside him immediately recognizes it but at the same time couldn’t quite name it. He reaches out and takes it in his hand like a hungry street urchin. He cradled it in his palm, possessive and protective, why he doesn’t really know.
“I was told they are yours.” The stranger tells him. “Do you like sweets?”
Xue Yang nods in affirmation. It’s a candy, he thinks and he finds himself smiling. He should be eating it but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to. Something tells him he shouldn’t, he can’t. Instead he presses it against his chest.
“You’ve hurt people…” the man before him tells him, his voice soft almost reminding Xue Yang of someone, but he couldn’t quite tell who.
“Hurt?”
The man nods.
“You wouldn’t remember…of course, that’s how this works after all.” the stranger tells him. “However the lack of recollection does not mean it didn’t happen. You’ve taken lives, innocent people. What others did to you was not an excuse…yet I…I understand.”
Xue Yang blinks, taken lives? He looks down in his eyes and his formerly clean hands are stained with dark stains, dirt and dried blood. His feels his body trembled, he remembers the dusty wind blowing kissing his dry skin, he remembers bodies splayed on the dirt, blood beneath their body, he hears his voice, he is laughing. What did he do? What had he done?
Understand? What does this stranger understand? Who is he?
“H-How could you say you understand?” Xue Yang asks his voice loud and booming, it echoes in the empty room where he and the stranger sat. He stares at him, his lips curling to a smile, no one can understand, a small voice tells him. “None of you, no one will understand!”
The stranger in front of him doesn’t seem fazed by his outburst or his smile despite the sour words. He remains still, he stares at Xue Yang as if studying him, as if he truly knew, as if he could see through him. The man doesn’t speak, he doesn’t tell him he is wrong instead he looks at him with sadness and perhaps sympathy in his eyes.
“I do not think you are right or I do not think that people are obliged to understand why you did what you did, or that you should be forgiven by everyone but you…I know you have a heart.”
Xue Yang pauses his eyes widen as he looks at the man.
He opens his mouth but no words come out, instead he feels a hot trail of tear running down his cheek. He chokes on his words as the bloodied hand that held the candy trembles. He remembers white and a smile. He remembers a soft voice and a gentle hand. He remembers despair, the clawing sensation of possession and madness. He remembers the weight of the cold and rigid fingertips against his hands.
Why, why did he never come back, he hears a distant voice says in his mind.
“W-Why?” Xue Yang finally managed to utter.
“I could only do much.” The stranger says in quiet voice. “To feel this with you, but I couldn’t…I couldn’t justify you, your reasons are beyond me because I am me, and you, you are Xue Yang. You are the only one who truly knows.”
“What are you talking about?”
The man shakes his head.
“Bad child,” he mutters before speaking louder. “I could only hope…wish, next life you would have it. I hope you are born in a better family, blessed with more merciful fate, less pain, less misery and be surrounded by people who loves you. Just another chance to do this right, and maybe…maybe you’d meet him there, in a better circumstance.”
Meet who? Xue Yang opens his mouth to say something but the man points at the candy in his hand.
“You should eat that or it will go to waste.”
Xue Yang frowns, he doesn’t want to but at the same time, the thought of the sweet treat going to waste seems more dreadful. He opens his palm, he unwraps it. He brings it to his lips, he opens his mouth and eats it. He savours the sweetness in his tongue before looking ahead, the man is looking at him and he smiles.
Somehow he realizes the stranger is wearing clothes that he doesn’t recognizes, his hair short though his features seem quite familiar…almost identical to himself.
“What did you say were your name again?”
The man stares at him for a second before nodding.
“Wang Ha---"
.
.
.
.
“Xingchen are you out of your mind?”
Everything feels heavy. His ears are ringing and his leg feels like it’s been crushed under the weight of grand piano. He forces his eyes to open and he finds himself staring at white ceiling. He inhales slowly, it hurts to breathe but he smells the faint scent of the rain and something soft and sweet.
“A-Lan it is more unbecoming if I have left someone to die in the rain.”
A gentle voice speaks. Xue Yang realizes he is not anywhere familiar, the soft cushion pressing against his body is nowhere near as the old, scratchy and mite infested bed he has at home. He’s wrapped in a blanket as well and the scent reminds him of the smell of winter. This isn’t home, this isn’t…safe, his mind supplies and he bolts up only to wince and hiss due to the pain shooting up from his left leg.
He freezes unable to do but uncontrollably shudder from the sensation crawling up under his skin like a high volt of electricity.
“Don’t move too much.” He hears another voice says, he turns his head to the source and he finds a tall slightly built man wearing a dark sweater walking up to him with a frown. “You’ll tear those stitches.”
Xue Yang doesn’t move, he studies the man like he always does. His built tells him that he can certainly put up a fight if the need arises. His stance is guarded and his strides heavy. He’s not in the shape to fight, Xue Yang’s concludes, not like this.
The man looks at him, he studies him too as if looking for signs of aggression or hostility. He is smart, Xue Yang thinks, smart and careful.
“How do you feel?”
Xue Yang’s eyes snap at the voice, for some reason he feels compelled to look. A shorter and much slender figure appears behind the stranger in dark sweater. He has a smile across his lips, small and reserve but there is no malice in them. He’s wearing an ironically contrasting white sleeved button up that seems to be a size larger than him and a dark pants.
Unlike the first, this man doesn’t seem the kind who had been trained to protect himself in any way. However, he does have this grace in his movements, like someone who had a delicate upbringing.
“What am I doing in here?” Xue Yang asks as he pushes himself further back to the couch where he has been lying down at.
“Don’t worry, you are safe here.” the shorter of the two answered. “You were wounded, I found you on my way here and I—“
“He stupidly thought it was a good idea to bring you here and treat your wounds as it would be inhumane to leave you be.”
Xue Yang barks a laugh, ah yes, that’s stupid. Likes of him should have been left in the streets to die.
“Yeah, that was stupid.” He says.
The shorter of the two doesn’t seem happy with his answer, his gentle smile falters.
“I told you, he’s dangerous.” The taller of the two says with a weary sigh. He pulls a phone from his pocket but the other stops him with furrow in his brows.
“What are you doing A-Lan?”
“Calling the police.” He tells his friend. “I told you he’s dangerous, you didn’t believe me. He shouldn’t be here with you.”
Xue Yang smirks, ah see, there’s the cautious and smart guy. Well if he gets picked up by the police, in this condition they’d probably send him first to a hospital or clinic, escaping from there shouldn’t be that hard. He’d done it before.
“No.” the shorter of the two insists which surprises Xue Yang. Ah, yeah, he confirms it, either this man is naïve or he’s just a saint. “He is no shape to be dragged to a police station, and what if the people who did this to him are already expecting him to turn up there?”
“Then the police will handle it.” The other replies. “You are not supposed to interfere like this, what if he’s a suspect, you will get in trouble for helping a criminal.”
A criminal huh, Xue Yang chuckles, well not yet, not until they found out it is him.
“Then you may call the police once he’s well.”
Xue Yang watches with keen interest at the other’s persistence. There is a slight frown in his lips clearly displeased by his companion’s suggestions. Xue Yang couldn’t care less but he couldn’t help but be surprised, he thought people who help wounded strangers were some kind of fairytale, those things only happens in cliché movie just to demonstrate the non-existent goodness within people. But this…is he perhaps still dreaming, or maybe he was shot in the head too and now he’s seeing things?
While the two discuss, Xue Yang tries to recall what happened earlier. He went out for a mission, he was supposed to track Wei WuXian and take him to Wen Ruohan as some kind of hostage to get threaten the infamous Lan family. The said family had been quite a bane for the Qishan-Wen Organization since it had been established. The Lan family has led a covert government organization tasked to either control or eliminate hostile organizations such as Qishan-Wen, they are good at what they do, especially the youngest son of the former head of the family. Lan WangJi or as the underground world calls him, Hanguang-Jun, is impeccable with no obvious weakness.
Xue Yang heard of Lan WangJi before, ah who hasn’t? Everyone raised and born in the dirt of the underground business had heard of him, a prodigy among prodigy, at 16 he began working with his family’s business and he took down several organizations and made them kneel to his mercy single-handedly. There is nothing that could ultimately faze him, they said, nothing until Yiling happened.
Yiling didn’t help Qishan-Wen unlike what others may think, truthfully, it did the opposite of it and of course, Xue Yang’s employer wasn’t happy about that either. With both Yiling and the Lan family breathing down Wen Ruohan’s neck, he decided to take one out of the picture—he chose Lan WangJi. Xue Yang laugh at first, his employer had always been ruthlessly ambitious, but Lan WangJi is a moon, taking him down is the same as shooting the moon down—almost impossible. But Xue Yang hasn’t failed before.
Until today.
He didn’t expect what he found out, he didn’t expect Lan WangiJi to be that close to Wei WuXian. He shot him without thinking twice in order to protect Wei WuXian—Yiling’s leader. There was no hesitation in Lan WangJi’s eyes despite Wei WuXian holding him back, he would have died if he didn’t managed to run, Lan WangJi would have shot him again just to make sure he would no longer be a threat to Wei WuXian.
The next thing he remember he tucked himself in an alley, the bullet in his leg barely missed a major artery. He was bleeding and his vision is beginning to blur. It didn’t take a minute before he passed out only to wake up here.
“Okay, but don’t tell me I didn’t told you so if this explodes right at your face Xingchen.” The taller of the two chides.
Xue Yang observes, the two don’t look alike, the taller of them looks slightly older perhaps by a year or two. They don’t seem blood-related but they are close if the other’s concern is anything to go by, are they…lovers, ah no, he not that close he thinks as he remembers the fury in Lan WangJi’s eyes, friends he determines.
The shorter of the two, Xingchen, merely smiles and nods almost as if he’s sure. They both look at Xue Yang, neither said anything until the taller sighs.
“If you do anything funny, I’d break every bones in your body.” He hears the man tells him. Xue Yang chuckles then smirks at the threat.
“Ah, whatever will I do, I’m scared.” He replies sarcastically.
The said stranger’s frown deepen and his expression darken but before he could say anything further Xingchen stops him with a shake of head.
“A-Lan, now please don’t fight.”
The taller of the two glares at his friend but as soon as he sees his eased expression, his rough expression softens. He sighs again and throws his hand exaggeratedly in the air.
“Whatever.” He says. “This is stupid, but if that’s what you think is best.”
Xingchen nods.
“Thank you for trusting me.”
“It is him, I don’t trust.” A-Lan says with a pointed look at Xue Yang.
The two talks, and Xue Yang ignores them in favour of observing his surrounding, the room is spacious, disgustingly white and clean. The furniture are simple and mostly either made of glass or are white. Everything is in pristine condition with the exception of basin sitting on top of the coffee table, a washcloth neatly folded hung on its side while bloodied water sat still inside. A white box is set beside it with a stainless oval shaped dish containing a bloody bullet and forceps.
Did Xingchen…removed that himself?
A click of the door takes Xue Yang out of his reverie, he looks up again and he sees Xingchen is now alone. He walks up to him again and gives him a curt bow of head.
“Please wait here.” he tells him before walking away to another room.
Xue Yang didn’t expect him to return soon, but he does and this time he is holding a tray. Xue Yang’s stomach grumbles much to his chagrin at the scent of food. Xingchen merely smiles at the sound before gracefully kneeling between the couch and the table as he puts the contents of the tray on the table, Xue Yang spots the food, a steaming cup of instant noodles and…a small cup containing a white pill and a lone piece of a candy wrapped in a bright orange wrapper.
A candy, he exclaims excitedly to himself. Is that for him?
“I’ve removed the bullet to avoid infection and complication but we must ensure you are well. You must take an antibiotic, and you need food in your stomach before taking the pill.” Xingchen tells him. “I am not very knowledgeable or skilful in the kitchen, I am afraid this is the safest food I can offer you.”
Xue Yang blinks, this person…just how much is he willing to provide for him?
The said stranger reaches for the cup carefully before passing him the said food. Xue Yang stares, he hasn’t eaten in three days now except for those two packets of crackers that were left in his bag from a month ago. Those were barely crackers with how soft it had gone but food is food. It had been three days since he ate anything that had flavour.
He accepts it, he relish the warmth of the cup in his hands and the smell of chicken noodles. His stomach grumbles again and he decides if it has poison he’d deal with it later. He blindly accepts the wooden chopsticks offered to him and he begins to eat. He dismisses the burn in his tongue in favour of sating himself.
This is good, very good.
“I’m sorry about my friend.” Xue Yang hears Xingchen says. He sits on the carpeted floor. “His name is Song Lan, and I am Xiao Xingchen.”
Xue Yang pauses from eating as he takes in the name. It sounds…familiar yet he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. He shrugs and takes a sip of the soup from the noodles before turning again to Xiao Xingchen.
“Is this some kind of hobby of yours?” Xue Yang finds himself asking. “Picking up people, operating on them then keeping them?”
“No. You are the first, hopefully the last I would treat for a bullet wound.”
Xue Yang laughs, “What are you even, how did you even know how to do that? Are you a doctor?”
The man shakes his head. He looks back to the closed door for a moment where he remembers Song Lan left to.
“My friend had some accidents back then, we couldn’t really come to hospitals or he would have gathered a record or our family would have known. I just learned it then.”
Xue Yang laughs louder this time. Learned, he made it sound simple. He shakes his head and tries his best to finish the food. When the cup is finally empty he looks at Xingchen who is gazing out at the open window of the living room.
“Don’t you want to ask how I got shot?”
Xiao Xingchen turns to him, his expression between calm and gentle.
“Do you want to tell me?”
Xue Yang doesn’t answer and Xiao Xingchen merely nods in acknowledgement.
“There are things people don’t really want to tell others, that’s fine. We all have secrets.”
“Even you?”
Xiao Xingchen simply smiles before he turns to pick up the cup of pill. He faces Xue Yang and takes the empty cup from his hand in replace of the pill.
“Yes.”
Xue Yang doesn’t seem convinced, Xiao Xingchen looks like a kind of person who lives his life as honest as possible. He and this man are as different as night and day. Whatever force had brought them to meet tonight must thought it would be funny.
“Once you take it, you may rest. It is essential for fast healing.” He tells him before shifting slightly to reach something on the table. Before Xue Yang could utter a protest or a remark he sees Xiao Xingchen putting something beside Xue Yang. “To wash off the taste.”
Xue Yang stares at the object, and his lips pulls to a smile.
Ah, it’s really his, this candy.
“Is this…really mine?”
Xiao Xingchen nods.
“If you want it, of course.”
Xue Yang likes that answer, he pops the pill into his mouth and swallows it. Ah he doesn’t care, he gets his candy, he thinks before taking the candy from his side and unwraps it. He eats it too and closes his eyes to relish the thick sweetness coating the inside of his mouth. There is no aftertaste of poison but just pure saccharinity with a tinge of caramel mixed.
When he opens his mouth he sees Xiao Xingchen smiling delicately at him, he feels his heart stutter. Why does this seem familiar?
“Get some rest now.” Xiao Xingchen tells him.
The man takes the basin and the stainless dish with him. He walks away leaving Xue Yang alone in the living room. He should leave, he can leave but…this is comfortable. Xue Yang dismisses his plan and pulls the blanket over himself as he lies in his side. He stares at his own reflection at the dark screen of the television across him.
He closes his eyes as the candy in his mouth melts leaving only its taste behind. As darkness engulfs him finally, he hears a voice in the far off corners of his dreams, it is gentle, kind, familiar, cold and at the same time warm.
“Once upon a time there was a child who liked sweet things very much but his parents didn’t have money so he could never have such things. So everyday he’d dream, only if someone could give him a candy…everyday…”