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As ridiculous as it sounds now, Kelsi Nielsen wanted to be Sharpay Evans’s friend once upon a time.
When the Evans twins just arrived in town, in all their dazzling glory, Kelsi was excited. She saw two people who were like her. Two people who lived and breathed music like her, who dreamed the same dreams she did, who were the extroverted yins to her introverted yang.
However, her hopes were crushed rather quickly and brutally, as the interest in friendship was decidedly not mutual. Sharpay only cared about herself and about her dreams to become a star, no matter the cost.
So, Kelsi, not yet confident enough to stand up for herself, let Sharpay walk all over her and take away her dignity for years. And still, in the back of her mind, she longed for that friendship. She longed for Sharpay to wake up one day and realize that she was wrong, that Kelsi wasn’t worthless and that she wanted that friendship too. Years upon years, she had idle hope that never came true.
And then Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez happened.
After Troy and Gabriella, things started to change for Kelsi. For the better. She finally got a chance to show the world – or, well, the East High student body – what she’s capable of, she finally started to realize her own worth, and she finally, finally had friends that truly cared about her.
And finally, she let go of that ridiculous notion that Sharpay Evans could be her friend one day.
Yet the longing has never gone away. It’s just directed somewhere else now. At someone else.
Troy Bolton, to be precise.
She has always had a bit of a crush on Troy; she was always curious as he walked down the halls, unaware of her existence, but she hadn’t had the same delusions with him that she had with Sharpay. But after he became her friend, after he showed her what she was worth, she couldn’t help but fall, for his sweet voice, for his lovely eyes, for his kind words.
And, just like with Sharpay, it will never be reciprocated.
After all, he’s already found love with someone else. With Gabriella. Beautiful, smart, kind Gabriella.
She’s genuinely not jealous of Gabriella at all. She wants Troy to be happy and that’s what he is when he’s around Gabriella. So why would she be sad about that? She’s thrilled for them and she’ll gladly keep her own feelings to herself and bring the two of them back together if that what it takes to see that brilliant smile on his face.
That doesn’t mean that she doesn’t feel a hollow ache in her heart when she watches them below from where she’s sitting on the top of the hill. He’s swirling her around and she’s laughing loudly as she presses her lips to his and holds onto him tightly.
They’re so happy. But it still hurts.
“Ugh, they’re disgusting.”
Kelsi is not the only one that has changed because of Troy Bolton and Gabriella Montez. So has Sharpay. Up until a few days ago, Kelsi believed that Sharpay was still the exact same – that getting a taste of her own medicine hadn’t taken her down a notch, that she only cared about her own goals and didn’t care that she had to hurt anybody to get there.
And that may still be partially true, but a few days ago, Kelsi had learned something about Sharpay, something that she had never imagined, something that changed everything.
She had been on the phone with a weeping Gabriella when the bombshell was dropped. It had already been a strange, awful night, knowing that Troy and Gabriella had broken up and that they were so upset. It was such a terrible position for Kelsi to be in too, trying to comfort her friend who had just broken up with the person she was in love with.
But then, Gabriella had confessed what had happened, what Sharpay told her. And Kelsi’s view of Sharpay hasn’t been the same since.
Sharpay didn’t go out of her way to get Troy away from Gabriella and tangled up in her twisted ways because she was interested in a trophy boyfriend or because she thought Troy would help her win the talent show.
She did all of this, because she has fallen in love with Gabriella. And this was the only way she knew how to cope.
So now, as Sharpay sits next to her and they watch the happy couple down there, Kelsi feels a strange feeling of sympathy and melancholy wash over her.
Of all the things to have in common, it would have to be this.
So, as she offers Sharpay a small smile, she shrugs. “I think they’re cute.”
Sharpay quirks an eyebrow. “Cute? You’re not the least bit jealous?”
Feeling her cheeks flush, Kelsi looks down at the ground. Her voice squeaking a little with nerves and embarrassment, she asks, “Why would I be jealous?”
As she looks back up, she sees Sharpay roll her eyes and shake her head incredulously. “You can’t fool me, Kelsi. I see the way you look at him.”
Kelsi feels her cheeks go even redder as she quickly averts her gaze again, smiling wistfully as she watches Troy and Gabriella dance goofily together. “If I like him, I should want him to be happy, right?”
“And what about you? Don’t you deserve to be happy?” Sharpay shoots back.
“Were you happy when you tore them apart?”
The words are out of her mouth before she knows it, and Kelsi’s eyes widen as she looks back at Sharpay, feeling her body tense as she waits for the inevitable outburst that is sure to follow.
It doesn’t come.
Instead, Sharpay scowls down at Troy and Gabriella, as she crosses her arms over her chest. “No. I wasn’t. But at least I didn’t have to see them together.”
Then, she turns to Kelsi and smiles wryly. “I figured one of them would tell you. You’re always the one they confide in.”
Slowly, Kelsi nods, staying quiet as questions burn on her mind as to Sharpay’s feelings for Gabriella. How? When? Why?
Yet she remains quiet, watching as Sharpay glances at Troy and Gabriella again, before looking back at Kelsi with a sudden genuine curiosity in her eyes. “I don’t get it. Why are you so happy for them? Doesn’t it hurt?”
Kelsi shrugs, frowning as she admits, “Of course it does. But it hurts even more to see him hurting.”
Sharpay huffs. “But why should they get to be happy while we don’t? Don’t we deserve to be happy too, Kelsi?”
Kelsi blinks. That’s something she hasn’t even considered. All of her life, she has only been putting other people’s needs before her own. She’s been so keen on taking care of other people, making other people happy, that she’s never stopped to consider that she deserves to be happy too.
She knows she does, especially since Troy and Gabriella convinced her how worthy she is, but she still hasn’t fully learned to take care of herself yet, it seems.
Yet she knows that Sharpay, even if she does have a point, is wrong too.
“Of course we do,” she responds with Sharpay’s question. “But at what cost? Shouldn’t we want the people we love to be happy?”
Now it’s Sharpay’s turn to contemplate the opposing point of view. Kelsi watches her as she purses her lips and glares at Troy and Gabriella intently, but there’s no viciousness in her gaze – instead, there’s just that same loneliness and heartache that Kelsi has become so accustomed to.
“I guess so,” Sharpay answers finally, her voice soft and vulnerable in a way that Kelsi’s never heard it before. Then, she narrows her eyes. “And I suppose it could be worse than Troy Bolton.”
Then, suddenly, she shakes her head and pouts as she turns back to Kelsi. Like a petulant child, she whines, “But it’s just so unfair!”
Kelsi lets out a laugh at that – Sharpay will always be Sharpay – and Sharpay joins in the laughter.
It’s strange, laughing with Sharpay, but Kelsi decides she doesn’t hate it. This moment doesn’t erase all the agony that Sharpay has caused her, but she enjoys it nonetheless.
“You and I are very different people,” Kelsi states with a smile and Sharpay giggles as she nods, before the smile falls off her face again, replaced with a contemplative frown.
“And yet…”
With a sigh, both of them turn back to stare at Troy and Gabriella, who are still lost in their own little world.
“And yet…” Kelsi repeats.
They stay quiet for a while, watching the pair beneath them as they contemplate the situation.
Kelsi is in love with Troy. Sharpay is in love with Gabriella. Troy and Gabriella are in love with each other.
Sharpay is right. It is unfair and tragic and all the sad adjectives that Kelsi can think of. But it’s also reality and there’s nothing she can do about it.
And when she suddenly meets a pair of blue eyes from down the hill and feels a flutter in her chest, followed by a sting of pain, she decides that Sharpay is wrong too.
Because that light in his eyes – she would never want to extinguish it for her own sake. She would yearn forever and ever, and stay lonely and unsatisfied, if it means that she could continue to see even a fragment of that happiness.
She feels the air shift, from slightly unpleasant to downright awkward, as Troy and Gabriella both stare up at the girls sitting on top of the hill. Gabriella leans up to whisper something in Troy’s ear and Kelsi feels her breath hitch slightly, as a brilliant smile forms on his face and he nods at his girlfriend.
Then, they’re suddenly ascending the hill, both of them having a determined look in their eyes as they stop in front of Kelsi and Sharpay.
“What are you girls doing here on your own?” Gabriella asks, not unkindly, but Kelsi can hear the curiosity in her voice and suppresses a smile as she sees Sharpay’s eyes narrow in a glare from the corner of her eyes.
“We just needed a little break,” Kelsi quickly says before Sharpay can erupt and undoubtedly ruin their newfound truce again, and she flushes slightly as she sees Troy’s eyes narrow at her in disbelief.
“So you came up here together?” he asks. He, too, is not judgmental, but there is a suspicion in his voice, borne out of the many times that Kelsi has complained to him about Sharpay.
Now, it’s Sharpay’s turn to jump in. “It’s better to be together than alone, right?”
Kelsi can’t help but smile a little at the layer of bitterness and melancholy in Sharpay’s tone.
Both Troy and Gabriella still appear apprehensive, but it seems like they mutually decide to let it slide, for Gabriella’s curious frown is suddenly replaced with a sweet smile as she outstretches her hand to Sharpay.
“Come on, come dance with us.”
Kelsi watches curiously as Gabriella continues to smile at Sharpay invitingly – considering how upset Gabriella had been that terrible night, Kelsi must admit it’s interesting to see Gabriella extending this olive branch. It speaks of her character, and it once again speaks of how she’s right for Troy.
Sharpay, on the other hand, seems apprehensive, staring at Gabriella’s hand for a moment and biting her lip in contemplation, before nodding curtly and standing up and walking down the hill. As Gabriella pauses to shoot Troy another smile, Sharpay curtly turns around. “Well?!”
Gabriella rolls her eyes playfully, before following Sharpay down, which prompts Troy to turn to Kelsi too, with a wicked smile of his own.
“So, shall we dance too?”
Kelsi’s eyes flicker to Sharpay and Gabriella, who are now dancing together rather awkwardly, and she laughs, before turning back to Troy and nodding. “I’d love to.”
And when he reaches out his arm, she does take the offer and loops hers through his as they walk down the hill too. Then, he grabs her hand and starts spinning her around in circles much the same way he did Gabriella.
Kelsi can’t help her roaring laughter as her heart swells in her chest. This is happiness. It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t return his feelings and that they’re not together romantically. But being his friend, and letting herself go with him, makes her so happy.
Maybe one day her yearning for him will go away. Maybe it won’t. But it doesn’t matter. As long as she still gets to dance with him.
She knows it won’t last, though. She knows she’ll eventually have to dance on her own again, but she finds that it isn’t as bad as it may seem.
Because, as she locks eyes with Sharpay and sees that same powerlessness about that same inevitability in the blonde’s brown eyes, Kelsi doesn’t feel as lonely anymore.
It’s ironic. For years, she wanted to be Sharpay’s friend, despite knowing better. She never expected that they would bond over this.
Yet she’s glad that this is the thing they have bonded over.
Because she’ll have to keep dancing on her own, but she won’t be alone anymore.