Chapter Text
Skilled fingers strummed over recently tuned bass strings, the vibrations echoing through the air around him as the music flowed. This was the melody of life to him, playing on his bass; so dubbed "Susan". He never left without making sure she was either secured in her case or strapped to his back. She was his oldest and most dear possession, and he cared for her more than anything or anyone else in his life, that is, until recently. He knew it was how most crappy fanfiction started, with everything changing when a special person walked into his life, but it wasn't like that. That is, it wasn't all at once, this "crush". He cringed at the thought, pausing his playing for a moment as he lowered Susan. They had always been there it seemed, they just melded in with the group of them so easily. There was never a moment they didn't seem to fit, and they were open to any kind of activity with them. He had tried at first, to find something wrong with them, something to push them out, and he was ashamed to admit to himself that he tried so damn hard to find something that was never there. He just didn't enjoy change, and he tried to stop it, but it didn't work. He looked to the wall, where just last week he had hung up a picture of the four of them. Maybe it was good for him that it didn't work. He felt a smile crawling up his face and he shifted on his bed as he began strumming again, something softer this time, something gentler, something for them, for his thoughts, and for the newest addition to his wall. He lost himself in the music, in the beat that his mind created fluidly, without planning and without reason other than to play for them. When he finished he looked up, and was slightly startled to find them standing in the doorway, an almost dream-like expression on their face.
"That was beautiful." their voice was soft, perhaps surprised, maybe entranced? He wasn't sure.
"Thanks." 'It was for you.' His voice caught in his throat when he almost spoke those words and he set Susan to the side. "Did you need something?" he asked as he stood, pushing his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt as he walked over to the door. They shook their head with a smile.
"You know me, I heard the music and I had to listen." they chuckled, hunching over slightly as they did. The corner of his lips ticked up some as he watched. They never laughed standing straight up, almost as if they preferred to hunch over just a bit. They had always claimed these small movements as defense mechanisms, just as the constant laughter and smile was, he knew, but they never said. "I know Matt said that dinner would be ready soon, but I don't think it's ready just yet." they looked up, their ever-present smile still there. Tom laughed.
"Is he cooking?" he asked, ticking an eyebrow up.
"Yeah, Edd is helping though." they looked over their shoulder to look towards the kitchen.
"And the kitchen isn't on fire? That's progress." he said as he leaned against the wall. _____ laughed at that, more real laughter as their head fell forward, their shoulders shaking.
"Indeed it is." they said after a moment, straightening up some as they turned. "Should we go make sure it stays that way?" they asked. He nodded and followed them out. As they walked the voices of their friends became louder.
"Edd! Let me stir! I'm the one cooking here!"
"You're going to burn it! Just let me turn the temperature down."
"It's almost done! Just let it be!" The two remaining friends appeared to be at a standstill, both trying to push the other out of the way to "correct" what was going on. _____ laughed at the sight of them both and turned to Tom.
"I'd say this is business as usual, huh?" they asked. Tom sighed and nodded. He then looked up to them both.
"Hey!" he raised his voice, looking a little agitated from the noise. The two stopped their fighting and looked over to Tom. "Can you both just behave for two minutes?" he asked as he walked further into the kitchen. "You got this far without ruining the meal, don't fuck it up now."
"Sorry, Tom." both boys said in unison before separating. _____ smiled and shook their head as they walked further into the kitchen to stand next to Tom. The blue-clad male sighed once more, turning to look at them.
"Bloody idiots, am I right?" he asked. _____ smiled slightly.
"I wouldn't go that far, but yeah." they chuckled, leaning against the table some as they watched.
"I'll get the bowls, did you want to get the silverware?" Tom asked as he walked over to the cabinets. _____ nodded in response and went over to the silverware drawer. Matt turned off the heat to the stove and he grinned triumphantly.
"Done!" He called out to the three. Edd winced, as he was still standing right next to him.
"Yes, I can see that." he said. "I'll get us all some drinks." Tom set the bowls down next to the stove and he looked over to _____. They were chatting with their friends, bringing the silverware over to the table, but they just looked lovely, and he couldn't explain why. He found himself lost in his thoughts until Edd snapped in his face and he jolted backward, grabbing the counter as he did so.
"What the hell?!" he snapped, glaring at Edd, who had done the snapping.
"We couldn't get your attention, is everything alright?" he asked. Tom looked up and saw both Matt and _____ looking at him with some level of concern.
"I'm fine," Tom grumbled, shoving his hands in his sweatshirt pocket.
"You're drinking enough water, right?" _____ asked as they walked over. "Don't want you to get dehydrated." they offered a smile to him.
"Yeah, I'm fine, like I said," Tom said looking off to the side. Matt blinked and looked at Tom.
"You're looking a little flustered there, Tom." he said, a bright grin on his face. Tom's head whipped over to Matt, glaring at him. _____ held their hands up and stepped between them.
"Hold on, come on, Tom, let's eat, he didn't say anything wrong." they said. Tom grumbled and nodded, relenting as he went to the fridge, pulling out a Smirnoff before he went to sit at the table. Edd shrugged and dished out the food for everyone.
Dinner was eaten with barely a word from Tom, but there was chatter from the other three at the table. Stupid. He was being stupid. No one said anything wrong, he was just being an arse about it. They were having fun and he was being a jerk about absolutely nothing. He took a gulp from the Smirnoff and set the bottle down after a minute, looking at the bottle before looking back up to everyone, watching them chat about the day. He sighed and stood, having picked at a good percentage of his food.
"I'll be in my room." he said taking the bottle with him to his room before he shut the door. _____ frowned quietly and they looked to the hallway where he vanished.
"I wonder what's up his bum." Matt mused as he continued to eat. "Normally he at least eats everything on his plate." he shrugged. _____ then stood and walked over to his bowl and picked it up, going to put the leftovers in a container for him.
"Maybe he'll want it later." they mumbled to themself as they went to put the container in the fridge.
Tom ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He hated making _____ upset, but sometimes he couldn't control his anger, embarrassment-. He threw his arms out and fell back on his bed. Emotions. He hated them. He could hide emotions when he needed to, at least, he used to be able to do that. Now he felt like he just came off like a fucking jerk. He didn't want them to think of him like that at least. He turned on his side with a sigh, lazily kicking off his socks as he resolved to just lay there. Maybe he could sleep it off and be more presentable tomorrow. Or he could just close his eyes and rest, then he could join the others.
A knock on the door jolted Tom awake and he looked around. It was dark out, and the knock came again, almost softer this time. Tom grumbled and he got up. So much for joining everyone. He walked over to the door and he reached to turn the handle before he heard footsteps walking away. He frowned and opened the door, looking out into the hallway to see the door to _____'s room closing. He frowned in confusion and he pushed the door open further. He stepped out into the hallway and walked over to the bedroom in question. He reached for the doorknob and he frowned. What was he doing? He had no reason to be... well, maybe he could just ask what was wrong. He stood up straighter and he knocked on the door quietly. There was a moment of silence and he almost turned before the door slowly opened up. He pushed the door open the rest of the way and he stepped in. _____ looked up to him but kept their head lowered.
"Hey." they said softly as they stepped aside. He saw the way their fingers trembled on the door, the strain in their smile.
"What's up?" Tom asked, changing his stance as he stepped further into the room and shut the door to one that was more casual, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. They were quiet for another moment, their hands wringing the edge of their shirt.
"It um..." they let out a quiet laugh. "It's stupid, but I had a really um..." Tom raised an eyebrow and he cocked his head to the side.
"A bad dream?" he asked. If it were anyone else, he would tell them to get over it, but... they looked so small, standing in front of him. Their hair was rumpled and messy and stuck out a little bit, and they looked... Tom reached over to them, carefully brushing his thumb across their cheek. It came back wet and his shoulders slumped. "Did you want to talk about it?" he asked. They shook their head quietly, hugging their arms around themself. "Can I help? You came to me for some reason." he said, almost hesitating in his words. They came to him first, not Edd, not Matt, him.
"I um... this is really stu-"
"Can you stop with the stupid stuff?" Tom asked, frowning when they winced. Maybe his voice had gotten a tad loud. "You're putting yourself down a lot, was it that kind of dream?" he asked, a bit gentler this time. They nodded silently, their face low, looking toward the floor. "So how can I help?" Tom asked looking to them, genuine concern lacing his features. His expression was soft, warm, and after a moment, _____ stepped forward and hugged him tightly, burying their face in his sweatshirt. Tom was surprised by the sudden action, but he wrapped his arms around their trembling body. It was hardly ever that they showed this kind of weakness, and he had found that they only showed this around him. He had no time to feel smug that they shared something with him and not the other two, though, this wasn't exactly the right time. He remained silent,
rubbing small circles into their lower back in an effort to soothe them. Talking wouldn't help anything right then, he figured.
They both stayed like that for a minute or two, maybe a few, Tom couldn't tell how much time had passed, but their sniffles had long subsided, and he just listened to them breathe, trying to even his own so maybe it would help them match the speed. They pulled away first, but it was slow, their head down still. "Sorry." they said softly, almost a whisper. Despite himself, Tom grimaced.
"You don't need to apologize." he said simply, there was no need to repremand, that wasn't what they needed. He only watched as they lifted their head to finally look at him, and he almost hugged them again. Their eyes were rimmed with red, their face blotchy from the tears. "It's me, right?" Tom continued, trying to sound casual as he offered them a smile. "You don't need to worry about it." They nodded, offering a smile in return.
"Thank you." they said. It was genuine, he always knew it was no matter how many times they thanked someone, anyone, it was genuine. He shrugged still, not wanting them to worry.
"Really, it's fine." he said simply. "Now, can you get back to sleep?" he asked. They lifted their head a bit further and opened their mouth ever so slightly, but then closed it and nodded.
"Yeah, I think I can. Thank you again, Tom." they said with a smile. Tom was still for a moment, internally debating whether or not to ask what they were about to say, but in the end, decided against it.
"You're welcome, goodnight." he stepped out of the room, giving them one last smile before he shut the door and began heading back to his own room. On the way, he felt conflicted. Were they going to say something? Or was his lizard brain just making it up to confuse him over something completely unnecessary? He would never know. He let his shoulders slump as he reached his room and stepped inside. He walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge of it, buried in his own thoughts.
There were a lot of reasons why he could have stayed, but he didn't want to ruin the trust or the friendship they had, and even though _____ made an effort to let them all know they were comfortable with closeness and affection no matter the reason, he still felt like he was... intruding, if he were to offer to stay with them for the rest of the night. Maybe it was pride? He shook his head. No, all his pride went out the window the moment he realized that he had feelings for them and was able to admit it to himself. He lay back on his bed. Maybe he would feel better in the morning.