Work Text:
Last night I dreamed that
I held you close,
Your blond head
Resting on my chest,
As we lay together
In my bed,
Warm and happy
In each other's arms.
I've been having this dream
Since I saw you on Mount Seleya
And remembered
Who you were.
Now tell me, Jim:
Are these dreams memories?
Or only the fantasies
Of my hungry heart?
You say that we were friends.
But if this is so,
Why do I feel so lonely
At night without you?
Why do you smile
More often at me,
Than at the others
You say are also my friends?
And why am I starting
To feel restless, irritable,
And discontented with this
Strict regime of the healers?
It seems they won't be satisfied
Until they have retrained me
To be A Perfect Vulcan
In my father's image.
But I would rather
Explore my past with you,
To see if it included you
As more than my friend.
So tell me, Jim:
Were we friends?
Or were we
Something more?
Were my feelings mutual?
Or strictly one-sided?
If so, then
On whose side?
I won't be satisfied
Until I know the truth.
You yourself
Have told me
That I valued truth
Above all things.
My heart tells me
That I also valued you
Above all things,
My friend of friends.
Did you value me
The same way?
Or was I merely
"The best first officer
in the fleet" to you,
As McCoy keeps saying I was?
Please tell me, Jim:
Were you--are you my bondmate?
And was I--am I yours?
And can we be again?
Have you--will you let me kiss you?
And did I--can I hold you close?
I see in your eyes
You do not fear me.
Can you see in my eyes
How I feel about you
Beneath this impassive
Vulcan exterior?
You have helped me
To remember so much.
Will you now help me
To remember how I loved you?
If I loved you.
If this love that
I dream about nightly
Is a true memory,
Or just a fantasy.
If it is,
Would you share it
With me?