Chapter Text
Lately, I just hadn’t felt myself.
Which is extremely cliché of me to say, but I just don’t know how else to describe it.
I was sick in the mornings, my head ached more than usual, I was taking far more naps thani should, and I would absolutely kill for a bowl of beef stew which I had never really been a fan of before.
I had done the test myself, and magic hardly ever lied. No, magic never lied thirteen times in a row. Thirteen separate bowls sat in front of me, each clear as a perfectly cut crystal, not a hint of discoloration that would suggest any other options.
I was pregnant.
And by the color of the smoke cloud that puffed from each bowl as I had let a drop of my blood fall into each of them, it was going to be a baby boy. I hadn’t thought to look before, or maybe I was too scared to, but I slowly moved a trembling had to my stomach, closed my eyes, and reached out with my magic.
I felt him.
My son.
Tears started to uncontrollably run down my face. I felt his soul, so young and bright, deeply untwined with mine. I felt his trust in me. This tiny, beautiful soul was trusting me to care for him in this world.
Asra must have heard me, I had been unaware of how loudly I had been sobbing, because he was at the door to my room, a room I hadn’t used much since I started to spend most of my time with Muriel. He rushed to me, but he was always so much more aware of the world. He must have guessed, between all the bowls and my focused attention on my stomach, and he sat with me in silence for a long while, his love and excitement reflecting my own as a few tears trailed down his cheeks.
“How do you plan on telling him?” he asked after a while, voice quite and calming as always. I was focusing most of my attention on trying to breath properly again.
“I have . . . no idea.” I knew how Muriel would, most likely, react. We had talked about children in the past, and although he always seemed to worry that he wouldn’t be very good at it, he couldn’t hide the glimmer in his eyes at the thought of being a father. There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he would be an amazing father, but it wasn’t something I wanted to pressure him into.
“You won’t be able to keep it from him for long,” Asra said, beginning to clean up the mess I had made earlier as I hurried through spell after spell, not really believing when each result came out to be the same. “I think he suspects something is wrong with you, and I’m just worried he thinks it’s some sort of illness.” I stood shakily from where I had been sitting on the floor, helping Asra carry the bowls into the kitchenette.
“What should I do? I don’t want to worry him anymore, but . . . I don’t know if either of us are ready for this.” Maybe I would have been more confident a few years from now, after a few more conversations about being parents, or maybe I would never really be fully prepared for something like this.
“Just be honest,” he said, taking both my hands comfortingly in his. “Tell him. Tell him how you feel about it, and then make sure he knows that Uncle Asra is willing to help out in any way I can.” There it was, that iconic smirk that made me want to both hug and slap him. I settled on not hitting the man who had saved my life.
“Thank you, Asra,” I said, pulling him into a tight hug before packing up my things and heading back home to Muriel. I had promised to only be gone an hour or two, just to make a trip to the shop to grab a few specific herbs and spices for dinner, and I was quickly nearing the end of the second hour.
As usual, Inanna walked me back home. I couldn’t tell if I was imagining things or not, but she seemed to look back to me more often, making sure I was still there, occasionally sniffing at my stomach and huffing in approval.
Muriel wasn’t there when we arrived, so I put away my things and got settled on his bed, a yawn surprising me as I suddenly felt like taking a quick nap. I blamed the long walk, though it had never tired me out before, and fell back onto the soft furs. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep, heavy eyelids quickly falling shut, Inanna cuddling up beside me.
I woke up some time later, warmly snuggled up beneath a blanket I didn't remember falling asleep under with the smell of beef stew filling the air. I practically shot up like a hound dog who finally caught the scent of its prey, eyes darting towards the pot on the fire.
Muriel laughed gently from where he was sitting by the hearth, loozing over to me as he threw a few potatoes into the pot.
“You said you’d been craving it,” he said, smiling softly at me. Inanna had moved to sit by him, Muriel occasionally sneaking her a sliver of meat.
“But we were supposed to have the fish you bought,” I said, but before I even finished my sentence, I was eternally grateful that he had changed his mind. In my rush for answers, and then to get back home to him, I had completely forgotten the spices I had supposedly gone into town to get.
“This is good too. It should be done soon.” He walked over to sit by me, placing his hand lovingly on my cheek, and I closed my eyes and relaxed into his touch. As he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, I began thinking of the different ways I could tell him, but there just weren’t any words to capture everything I wanted to say. Muriel always seemed to find a way to express himself without words, so maybe that was the way to go.
I took the hand not holding me and brought it to my chest, placing it right over my heart.
“I have something that I want to show you,” I whispered, allowing my magic to flow freely around us in invisible spirals of gold and white, connecting his soul to mine. We did that often, it was an easy way for him to show me some memories that weren’t so easy to share out loud, or for me to show him just how much I loved him. I let us sit like that for a moment, comforting and relaxed, but I knew I couldn’t keep this from him for much longer. He must have sensed something, the overwhelming excitement in my heart or my conflicting thoughts, but I quickly moved one of my hands to my abdomen, seeking out the little soul that now resided there.
I knew the instant Muriel felt a change, gasping and instinctively leaning in closer to me, and I even felt a little flickering of joy from the life within me as they connected for the first time. His eyes, wide and full of shock and hope, searched mine frantically. I heard his unasked question, and felt myself nodding slowly. Nothing felt real, nothing except for his hands on my skin and the connection like strings of starlight wrapping around the three of us.
He looked down my hand on my stomach, hesitant and unsure as he brought his hand down from my chest to rest over mine. I saw him putting together the pieces in his mind, my odd behaviors over the past few weeks making a little more sense. His mouth opened and closed a few times, and I could tell he wanted to say something, but like me, he was at a loss for words. It was when his breath started to get shaky, his bottom lip quivering slightly as tears pooled in his eyes, that I brought both of my hands to his face, worried that I was overwhelming him.
“Are you alright?” I whispered, unable to speak much louder. He fell to the floor beside the bed, buried his face in my stomach, and wrapped his arms around me tightly. I ran my fingers through his hair, my other hand falling into his shoulder. “Muriel?” He must have heard the concern in my voice, finally looking up at me with tears eyes and a bright smile.
Oh gods, he looks so happy . . .
Though his eyes were still clouded with tears, I could see the joy in them. He still looked unsure, maybe even a little scared, but I understood and felt the same.
“Its a boy,” I said, letting a few tears roll down my cheeks as I smiled down at him. He let out a breath, looking back to my stomach as if he could see the life inside me. It nearly killed me to see his face fall slightly, knowing what thoughts might be passing through his mind. His head fell, hands starting to drop from my sides as he recoiled into himself. I stopped him, taking his hands in mine and just holding them gently.
“Do you . . .” It hurt to ask, but I had to know. “Do you want this?”
His eyes darted up to mine, wide with shock as if that was the last question he had expected me to ask.
“Of course I do, I just-” he started, biting his lip as his brows pulled together. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” he breathed, worry etched into his every feature, “I . . . I wont be . . .” He trailed off, not quite meeting my eyes anymore. I brought my hands to comfortingly hold his face, and he melted into them, closing his eyes as he tried to take a few deep breaths.
”I don’t know what I’m doing either, my love, but we can figure it out together.” He still looked a little unsure, so I let my magic connect us again, showing him the light I felt emanating from within me. “Can’t you feel him? He trusts us, we just have to follow his lead and trust us too. Okay?” He nodded softly, and I let out a breath, relaxing and letting a smile return to my face. I pulled him back onto the bed with me, holding his head over my heart as he wrapped his big, warm arms around my waist. If not for the absolutely delicious smell of stew filling the air, I could have stayed like that for hours, but Muriel heard my stomach growl loudly and got up with a small chuckle to check on dinner.
I hoped that our boy was right, that we could do this, because gods, just the image of Muriel holding him one day, soft and small and ours, was better than any dream I’d ever had.