Chapter Text
Jungkook stared in the mirror, his face blank. Emotionless. He could slowly feel the manufactured calm that he kept in place every day start to crack and peel like old paint. His eyes were the first to go, always too big, showing too much of himself that he tried to hide away. They filled with tears quickly, annoyingly quick, and he tried his best to not let them roll down his face.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
But it didn't work. Jungkook watched in agony as the tears crawled out of his eyes and threw themselves to the floor, his cheeks dampening in their wake. He could almost laugh at how he looked, the golden boy, everybody's angel, sitting there and crying over what- something he knew would happen? He didn't expect it to last, nor did he feel anything but bitterness at himself for letting it happen.
When Taehyung had brought it up originally, it seemed like a good plan. Just pretend to date for a little while to make Seokjin jealous, no harm. Or at least in theory there was no harm. But soon enough, holding hands sent little bits of electricity through his fingers up his arms and into his chest. The feeling was addicting, but it was nothing compared to the feeling when he would wake up to Taehyung curled up against his chest, snoring softly with his arms wrapped around the others chest.
Being in love with Taehyung was not part of the plan. Not by a long shot.
The two spent every waking moment together, but they had nearly done that before. The only difference was that they were so much closer this time. Literally. Taehyung loved to cuddle no matter the circumstance, this was an even easier time for it to happen. And Jungkook let it happen, let his arms wrap around the others body gently and hold him close. And when Tae would kiss his cheek, even if it was only when Seokjin was in the room, it still felt like fire running through his veins and he lived for every single second.
Taehyung even made it seem like he could feel the same. He brought up Seokjin less and less, and would pull Jungkook close to him even if nobody was around. It was like the arrangement was forgotten for a while, like everything had worked itself out in Jungkook's favor without him actually having to confess. He was just there, in that moment, holding the love of his life's hand, and it was easy.
When they would go on little dates- fake dates- Jungkook would pretend. One day they had gone to this little Italian place a few blocks away from their apartment building and Jungkook tried to pretend again. He tried to think it was real. That was, until, Seokjin walked in. Hand in hand with some girl that Jungkook didn't even bother learning the name of. She would be gone by morning anyways. But when Taehyung noticed, his face paled. His beautiful, beautiful, eyes went wide before seeming to lose all life. The bubble around Jungkook's imagination had been popped very abruptly and he could not pick up the pieces as they fell around him.
Seokjin walked over to them with a wide smile, not knowing what he had just done to the two of them by having that girl latched to his side like "a leech, a parasite", as Taehyung had so sweetly phrased it. He greeted them as he usually would, smiling extra brightly at the two.
"It's so great to see you two happy together," he had said, not knowing that each word was like a needle in Jungkook's already speared heart. "I'm glad you're happy Tae-ah. Especially you, Jungkookie."
Of course, Seokjin knew about how Jungkook felt. The youngest had confided in his brother when he realized the love he felt, only Seokjin didn't realize how terrible it truly was. Of course, he couldn't know.
Which made what happened later so much harder to handle.
Taehyung had sent him a message that morning like usual.
TaeTae <3: come over tonight! movies+cuddles? 6 sharp!!
Jungkook had beamed, absolutely estate with the idea of a date night, and spent hours getting ready. He spent at least half an hour picking out what to wear, which sweatpants were better than the others, which hoodie looked good on him but didn't make him look like he had actually been anxious for a night of hanging out. After getting ready, Jungkook had gone and gotten his and Tae's favorite food.
He was going to do it tonight. This would finally be the night that he confessed, that he explained everything. And he knew it would be okay! Taehyung spent less and less time talking about Seokjin and more time just being with Jungkook in the moment, just being there with him and being happy. And he knew, he could feel it, tonight was the night where everything would be okay and he could finally, finally, be with the person he was supposed to end up with. It would all be okay.
It was supposed to be okay.
Jungkook walked into Taehyung's apartment with a large grin, not bothering to knock this time. He walked into the living room but was greeted not by Taehyung putting on an old anime they had both watched to exhaustion. But by Taehyung whining, moaning as he rocked in Seokjin's lap. Clothes were flung around, the sound of skin on skin and low moaning louder than jet engines in Jungkooks ears.
He said nothing. He watched Taehyung, his Taehyung, kiss Seokjin's lips while whining high in his throat. Watched Seokjin bite along Tae's collar bones. Listened as the two whispered "I love you"'s to each other. He watched until he couldn't anymore, turned on his heel, and walked out of the apartment silently.
And thats how he ended up in his own bathroom mirror, watching tears roll down his face as he cried, cried for the love he didn't even truly lose, cried for the love he thought he could've had. Jungkook's face crumpled up as he broke down completely, his head falling to hang between his shoulders while he sobbed. His chest ached with the force of his cries, his lungs burned with the effort to not scream his pain out into the quiet bathroom.
All he could see was Taehyung holding onto Seokjin's shoulders as he rocked in his lap, moaning out his love for the other quietly into the supposedly empty apartment. They truly were in their own little world.
Jungkook ended up passed out on the floor of his bathroom, dried tears crusting up on his cheeks while he slept.
A few days later at a group breakfast, Seokjin and Taehyung broke the news about everything. Taehyung explained how him and Jungkook had faked the whole thing, how he was stupidly in love with Seokjin, and how they were finally together. Hoseok was the first to cheer for the two, his blinding smile even brighter than usual. Jimin, Yoongi, and Namjoon took a moment to process before joining in, congratulating the two on finally getting it together.
Jungkook sat silently, forcing a smile onto his face while they all talked happily. He couldn't look away from Seokjin's hand on Taehyung's hip, their bright smiles, the ghost of a hickey on Taehyung's throat. Unable to take any more, he stood and quietly left the room. His breathing was harsh, his eyes welling up with tears again as he went and hid in Yoongi's bedroom. He couldn't catch the door behind him before somebody pushed their way in.
"Jungkook-ah?" Seokjin's gentle voice called as he came in, walking towards the boy who was turned away from him. "We need to talk about something..." he said softly and went to put a hand on the younger's shoulder.
Jungkook turned to face him quickly, his eyes bright red and glassy, face close to curling up with the force of crying. "There's nothing to talk about hyung." He forced a smile onto his face, ignoring the heart break in the others own features. "Tae told you himself, it was all an act, right? I'm just too good of an actor." His voice was sweet, but shaking with the effort to keep from breaking down.
"I didn't-" Seokjin started but cut himself off. "When you said you loved him..?" he trailed off in a question, not even able to form the words. The pain in Jungkook's eyes was enough of a tell. "It wasn't an act for you."
The words hung in the air, neither boy saying anything for a while. Jungkook willed the tears to stay back, he couldn't cry now. Not again.
"Don't tell him, hyung." he finally whispered out, staring at the ground. "Please. Never, ever- never tell him." One tear fell down his cheek as Jungkook's voice broke.
Seokjin hesitated before simply nodding, leaving the room without another word, leaving Jungkook alone again. Again.
Again.
Jungkook took in one more shaky breath before falling to his knees and trying his best to not make a sound, to not let the tears fall as it all set in. It really was done. It really was all over.
He wasn't sure how long he was curled up in there, how long he sat, forcing his breath to be absolutely silent as he shook with tears.
Jungkook felt himself being shaken and he looked up, the room almost completely dark except for a faint light coming from the hallway. Yoongi was holding him, looking absolutely terrified as he shook Jungkook roughly.
"Hey- Hey, Jungkook-ah, how long have you been in here? What happened? Are you alright-?" the questions came too quickly for Jungkook to process and he felt his eyes water all over again. A loud sob fell from his lips and he crashed onto the smaller boy, loudly crying his pain into his friends chest. Yoongi's arms wrapped around the younger boy and he held him close, not saying anything anymore. Instead he let the boy cry.
It wasn't long before the younger boy had tuckered himself out and he fell asleep in the others arms. Yoongi sighed, carefully reaching one hand onto his bed and yanking a blanket down over them. Slowly he laid himself back, pulling Jungkook with him as he laid out on the floor.
He watched the sleeping boy for a moment before closing his eyes, sighing deeply.
"I know how you feel, kid."