Work Text:
When in the presence of Todoroki Enji, there were two possible feelings that came with him, either warm, or hot. Hawks learned very quickly that no matter what the weather was like outside, when he was with the number one hero he felt this unwavering sense of warmth surrounding him at all times. Hell, it wasn’t even just a physical feeling, his head would fill with steamed fog and a fire would light in his heart, completely losing control of his emotions like a wildfire.
Sure, he had grown up a fanboy—and still was one at that, just in a different way—but this wasn’t the kind of feeling that a casual fan would get. This was something so much more, something that settled deep inside him, filling his entire being and only making him think of one word, one person, one name. Enji.
It started way back when their relationship first blossomed, when Hawks worked with him for the very first time, the top two heroes formed an unstoppable duo to take down a powerful nomu. Even if that fight was staged as a part of Hawks’ double agent mission, he still felt a connection between the two of them as they worked together both on and off the field.
Enji towered over him like he was nothing, all broad shoulders and incredibly large muscles, a frame that dared anyone to even look at him. And boy did the blond look, he’d sneak glances every now and then trying to make them seem casual enough to not get caught, he couldn’t have those rumors going around just yet. As shameless as he was, Endeavor made his cheeks burn with a warmth that he had never felt before at the time, he’d soon come to know it all too well.
While the older of the two refused to acknowledge their friendship for months, Hawks still made his efforts to be friendly and charming with him. For as big of a crush as he had, he did a pretty good job hiding it, covering it up so even Enji himself would question if anything that came out of the winged hero’s mouth was true. He joked far too often that when he was being serious, nobody could tell the difference, he preferred to live most of his life that way.
“You got a new suit,” Hawks had commented on one afternoon, checking out the new material, design, and more importantly, the body underneath.
The man scoffed, “At least have some decency, don’t stare at me like that, it’s rude.”
“With that ass?” He laughed to himself, a short chuckle as pink tinted his cheeks, “I don’t think I could look away if I wanted to.”
It was intended to come off as a joke, but the legitimacy was still there, he could admire Enji’s body for days if he was allowed to. Even so, the conversation was brushed off, leaving both men with reddened faces and work to do.
When the red haired man finally agreed to seeing each other after work, going to dinner after a long day on the job, or grabbing a drink together, that was when the warmth turned into heat. The way that piercing blue eyes would stare at him with an emotion Hawks could never quite understand, the way Enji’s hands felt like they were burning his skin when they brushed reaching for the salt on the table, the comments that he could never quite decipher in his mind, each small act began to build inside of him and make him feel impossibly hotter whenever they interacted. The heat made its home in his chest, surrounding the area where his heart was always beating incredibly fast, unable to calm itself within the vicinity of this man.
It was then, Hawks realized, the schoolboy crush he had on Endeavor had turned into something much more, and he was not ready to tackle those emotions yet. Letting people get too close always caused him to get hurt, to get burned by those he loved. Friends had left him just as quickly as he made them, foster parents returned him to the system after no more than a couple of months of having him, boyfriends would break up with him and tell him that going out with him had been a dare. Every time he let his walls down and allowed people to come into his life, they left once they knew who he truly was.
He wasn’t sure what part of him decided that none of the past mattered when it came to Enji, was it the fan in him saying that because he was a top ranking hero he would be different? Or was it perhaps his heart chasing straight after what it wanted, refusing to give him? Either way, he vowed to himself that he would break every rule in the book for the red haired man’s attention, affection, love. It always went this way, he convinced himself people would be different and they never were, he could only hope that this would work out.
The idea was ridiculous, their age gap, their past relationships, their families, the struggles that came with those things should have drove him away, but he only got closer. He wanted to keep getting to know the idol he had loved since his childhood, the man that was beneath the flames. They would grow stronger as friends whenever they talked, opening up to each other about their struggles, unmasking their identities, and opening up their hearts whether they realized it or not.
Though each step closer was another degree hotter inside his chest, simmering and boiling at an uncomfortable temperature like a pot of water on the stove, threatening to bubble over at any time and spill his true feelings everywhere by mistake. If he let Enji find out how he felt about him, it would be game over. He was terrified of saying something he shouldn’t have and losing the one thing that he thought he could hold onto this time, Enji was so much more to him than a colleague or a friend, he was a lifeline. If he lost that strong and comforting pillar of hope in his personal life, where would he go from there, both as a hero and a person?
The stress was easy to control at first, keeping it at bay with his jokes that held a serious undertone and flirtatious personality, but as the heat increased, the harder it was to keep dealing with these feeling he was sure weren't returned. It was no help that they were currently working together again on a lead regarding the League of Villains, it meant they saw each other nearly every day and spent a lot of time working but also chatting about whatever came to mind. Hawks usually enjoyed those chats, he didn't anymore in fear that he'd mess up the tiniest bit and the floodgates would open.
Hawks was in too fucking deep. He couldn't fuck up so badly this time that he couldn't control his own feelings and act without free will. All he wanted to do was disappear until the warmth was put out, dialed down until he could manage himself again.
So he hid.
For nearly a week, he cut off any and all contact from the world around him. He threw his phone at the wall so it shattered, locked his doors and windows, not daring to even peak out of his blinds and see the city at night lit up with excitement like he always did. He read every book that he owned to occupy himself, even old and boring literature he had bought back when he was in high school, they were better than trying to fix his crippling mental state.
There would be an occasional knock at the door he wouldn’t answer, hoping whoever had decided to check on him would go away, they always did. He slept through both the day and night, thinking enough to exhaust him of his energy and definitely not eating or drinking enough food and water to restore that lost energy. It was painful, slowing down like this when his life was always so fast paced, he felt like he was going to lose his mind.
But the warmth was gone, the insufferable heat disappeared just like he had and he felt proud. Maybe soon he would be able to go back to work, to see Enji again and not feel like he was going to collapse right in front of him while pouring his heart out like he had not a care in the world about who was watching. Hawks didn’t mind how cold he felt now. He didn’t care how his heart had built a wall of ice around itself, replacing the fire that had once burned so brightly. The newly acquired reinforcement would help his heart to not completely shatter when he returned to work, burdened by an unrequited love.
On the sixth night, a loud knocking came from his apartment’s front door, startling Hawks from his light slumber. He ignored it, they would go away eventually while he continued to sleep. However, the knocking persisted, two, three, then four more times and he began to feel anxious, he wasn’t sure who could possibly want to see him so badly they refused to leave. Then, a rattling of keys could be heard and he panicked, standing up suddenly with his wings spread out defensively as he plucked his longest feather to use as a weapon.
The door opened, revealing exactly who he didn’t want to see right now, he felt his heart drop into his stomach, he felt sick. He was an idiot, there was only one person who had access to a spare key to his home. Complete in his usual civilian clothing of a sweater, leather jacket, and jeans, no flames to be seen lighting up his facial hair, Enji entered the space looking concerned and a bit frightened to find Hawks in such a defensive state.
Everything felt like it was on fire again, the freezing temperatures he had become accustomed to drastically changing to a summer like heat. This was not supposed to be happening.
Immediately, his wings curled around him and he returned the feather, backing away from the door like he was terrified of it, “Endeavor, leave, you-”
“No Hawks.” Enji’s voice was stern, strict as he shut the door behind him. “You’ve been missing for nearly a week and not even your friends or coworkers know if you’re okay, the amount of times I’ve tried to call you and I’ve gotten nothing back is sickening, your sidekicks knew nothing, the agency knew nothing. I knew nothing.”
The blond felt his knees trembling, he couldn’t handle this right now, he couldn’t lose Enji like this. He said nothing.
“I don’t know what’s been going on, I don’t know what compelled you to disappear like this, but I thought you knew you could trust me.” It was an obvious reference to the way the winged man was physically closed off towards him, as if he was a villain or someone that was going to hurt him.
“I…” I do, the words died on Hawks’ tongue, did he really? Was this what he called trust?
He couldn’t take this anymore, he sank to the ground with his knees folded up to his chest and forehead touching the ground, bowing. A shuddering breath shook his whole body to the tips of his wings, whispering, “I can’t lose you.”
It was selfish, so disgustingly selfish but he felt like he couldn’t live a life without Enji by his side. The man had become his best friend over the time they had known each other, he wasn’t ready for this, nothing could prepare him for the moment the number one hero would leave him.
“What do you mean, boy?”
The nickname had his heart clenching in his chest and he was almost sure Enji was now kneeling on the floor with him, he couldn’t muster up the courage to open his eyes and look. His throat was so tight, his wings nearly vibrated as if they were a separate part of his body that was feeling and reacting even more so than he was himself. His worst moment, his lowest of lows, why did the man he loved have to see him like this?
“You’ll leave me,” he responds, as hard as it is to get the words out, he manages to keep voice cracking to a minimum. He can hear the question that’s about to follow his statement, so he follows it up, “You’ll leave me because I love you. I’ve loved you since we first met, the way your eyes watch me when we work together, when you brush my hand my skin feels like it’s burning in the best way possible, and oh god, the fire in my heart hurts so fucking bad because I know I can’t have this, I know I can’t have you, but I want you regardless. There’s so many reasons to run away, to turn around and find someone else but I can’t, I can never get you out of my head.
“When we go out for dinner and you open up in just the little ways that you never tell to anyone else, when you talk about your family or work or your feelings, I can’t help but feel like I’m meant to take on the fucking world with you. You’re twice my age, divorced, a father, and I’m just an orphan kid who got really damn lucky to work with you, and I thought I could get by with that. I was wrong, because I need you in my life like oxygen and I hate that I can’t control it.
“I can’t ask you to stay with me, I can’t bring myself to be anymore of a selfish dick than I’ve already been these past few months. I just want to say goodbye before you leave.”
The silence is painful, and yet he accepts it just as he knew it would happen, but it doesn’t stop his tears from spilling over onto his cheeks and the floor. Silent sobs escape his lips, small and controlled gasps that he tries to keep down, but ends up hiccuping loudly anyways. Then, without much warning at all, he’s dragged up from the floor into the warmest hug of his life, his head cradled against Enji’s chest as he feels fingers thread through his hair, and it takes him a moment to even process what’s happening.
“Hawks, Hawks, Hawks,” Enji says his name like it’s a prayer, holding him closer and cherishing every second he has the younger man in his arms. “I won’t leave you, I can’t turn my back on the man I love.”
His confession is much less dramatic, but Endeavor is known for being a man of few words, and the ones he’s just uttered have more meaning than Hawks could ever hope to hear. He lets himself fall apart finally, wailing into the padded leather jacket the redhead is wearing, comforted by the arms around him, protecting him and encasing him in every way possible. In return, he clings tightly to whatever part of Enji he can reach, arms wrapped around his torso and wings curled around the man’s large frame.
The moment was so intimate and fragile, Hawks felt more at home and comforted than he’d felt in his entire life. He had lived in a lot of homes throughout his childhood and even into his adult life, but right there in Enji’s arms, that’s where he found his real home. His sobs died down eventually, and he tried to move and pull away from the flame hero to give him space, but he pulled him right back in. Hawks was more than happy to stay in the embrace.
“Are you sure?” He asks hoarsely, fear leaking into the tone.
“I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”
“Okay.” It’s enough for now, those words ringing in his mind as he breathes deeply. There was so much left unsaid, but it was obvious there would be plenty of time to discuss everything on their mind later.
They stayed there for a while in each others arms sitting on the floor of Hawks’ apartment, when they did pull away it was to move to his couch and get more comfortable. Neither of them said much then, only short proclamations of their feelings or thoughts as the night went on.
Soon enough, Enji was laying on his back with Hawks on top of him, their fronts pressed together as they both slept peacefully for the first time in months.
Around five months had passed since their initial confession, a rocky start to their relationship that soon smoothed out the more they talked and were honest about their feelings. Really, that was what they should have done in the first place, Hawks specifically, but they were together now and that was all that mattered. The struggles only made them stronger in the end, able to trust each other wholeheartedly with nearly everything on their mind, no matter how dark or absurd it seemed.
Now, he looked back at it all while seated in Enji’s lap, tucked under his chin like a stuffed animal, soft cooing rumbled in the back of his throat as large, warm fingers slid easily through his sensitive feathers. The stimulation to them sent almost dream like images to his mind, their telepathic abilities showing him what vibrations they were picking up and he could imagine his lover’s hand clearly petting his wings.
“Your bird noises are…” Enji mused aloud, searching for the right word to use.
“Cute, adorable?” The blond provided, nestled happily with the other man exactly how he wanted to be, small and safe once again in the arms enveloping him.
There was a hum, and Hawks could feel the sound in his own chest from being pressed so close, “Sure, if you insist. Your quirk continues to impress me each day.”
“It’s not like this is your first time hearin’ them, number one.” His voice was tired, heavy with sleep and he was almost sure he’d end up falling asleep like this. Another one of his self proclaimed cute bird noises caught up in his throat, his wings ruffling as Enji petted the base of them where he was the most sensitive, “Ah, Enji... that’s really nice.”
“Yeah?” He threaded both hands into the surplus of feathers, gentle yet massaging thoroughly enough to work out the muscles that were tense there.
“Mhm,” cooing followed the winged hero’s hum, happy and more than content with the surprise treatment he was getting. His mind controlled most of his wing’s movement, but there were still other muscles involved that often cramped and became tense easily after lots of use. This felt like heaven to him, relaxing into each and every touch. “Thanks babe.”
A hand left his wings and he felt it soon again against his cheek, tilting his head upwards so Enji could pull them together for a kiss. Hawks felt the heat of his lover’s mouth and sighed, allowing him entrance into his own mouth almost instantly. He savored the feeling and taste of their tongues pressing together, sliding past lips and dodging dull teeth, exploring and teasing.
Even as they separated for a moment, Hawks was the one leaning back in for more, chasing after those intoxicating lips he loved so much. His hands pulled on the older man’s neck, urging him to stay close and continue their kissing session, inviting him for a more passionate, yet still lazy kiss.
Enji’s hands were in Hawks’ wings and resting gently on his cheek, keeping him right where he wanted him to be. He sighed, the admiration he had for the young hero was immeasurable, and he wondered how someone like him could ever truly be loved, and by such a kind and beautiful man, nonetheless. Those worries often melted away in moments like this, when soft lips were against his, small hands covering his own much larger ones, they made him feel like he was worthy of something.
They separated again, eyes closed and foreheads leaning against each other, breathing deeply but not heavilyy. Hawks smiled, pulling away to look into bright blue eyes as they blinked open, looking softly at him.
“We’ve come a long way, haven’t we?”
“We have,” Enji agreed with a small nod, “And I’m thankful for that.”
The blond chuckled, “You really are a big softie sometimes, it’s cute. Looks good on you too, maybe you should try it out more often and show the public something other than your stoic anger.”
“I show the public all they need to see, I don’t understand you.” Those blue eyes rolled in both annoyance and affection, clearly showing he cared for man... in his own way.
“Awe, so I’m special?” Hawks always put on a bit of a dramatic show of emotions when Enji gave him the opportunity, it was almost a habit at this point
“Yes, you of all people should know.”
“Oh I do, but it’s nice to hear you say it from time to time.”
Enji captured his lover’s lips once more in a gentle kiss, lasting no more than a couple of seconds, sighing as he said softly, “I love you.”
Hawks smiled again, bright and genuine as a blush spread over his cheeks while he replied, “I love you too, so damn much.”
When in the presence of Todoroki Enji, Hawks could only feel the warmth of love running through his entire body. Through all of the skeletons hidden in his closet to his best qualities and attributes he took pride in, it filled his entire body, mind, and spirit. He wasn’t completely good man, but neither was the flame hero, they were both broken in different ways and yet they didn’t seem to care at all. All that mattered was that they had each other, and nothing was going to change that.