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The throne room was quiet. The fires giving light and warmth to the hall during the day had long been doused for the night, leaving only a single brazier by the steps leading up to the throne. The faint glow around it wasn't enough to really see by but it was enough for him. He leaned against the side of the throne, resting his elbows on his spread knees as he stared into the red glow of the coals. His head felt heavy and dull, as if he had the worst of winter colds. He couldn't think, didn't really want to think.
The coals shifted, the sound a faint echo in the silence. Zachary sighed and reached for a poker, adjusting the pile-up until the brazier burnt quietly again. The terrier at his feet shifted and whined a little in his dreams.
"You're lucky," he told the small dog and reached down to scritch his neck. The fur was warm and soothing beneath his hand, a comfort in the vast emptiness around him. "You may sleep and you may dream. I may do the former but not the latter." He sighed again, deciding he'd earned a moment of self-pity. "The burden of a king."
The side-door behind the throne creaked. Zachary looked up sharply. His servants knew where he was, as did his Weapons, but they also knew that these few hours late at night he was not to be disturbed for less than an emergency. While the realm was far from at peace, an emergency was not likely to happen on this day, at this time.
Steps rounded the platform, coming towards him. Zachary tracked the sound with his eyes, even though the throne lay between him and the intruder. The dog at his feet had risen, ears pointed and eyes tracing the same path as his master. He didn't seem alarmed however. Someone Zachary knew well then, someone that would dare intrude on the one time of solitude he could allow himself.
A boot scraped along the floor and suddenly Zachary knew. He relaxed back and shook his head, throwing off the tension that settled in his body the moment the door opened. As he'd expected, Karigan rounded the throne a mere moment later, eyes on the floor and her coat carelessly thrown over her shoulders. She was dressed in a hastily pulled on tunic and breeches, the tunic unbelted and swirling about her legs. The boots that had betrayed her were firmly pulled on and had a dagger tucked into each.
Zachary wondered why she'd come. She'd been beyond distant since her return from the disastrous errand for the Riders. He'd longed to see her but found that he never had the leasure or the ability. Work seemed to pile up and when it didn't, the matter of Estora lay like a mountain on his shoulders. He had thought he might go through with the marriage, for the Realm and for her sake. Neither had considered the possibility of her falling in love.
Zachary shook off the lingering doubts and moved deliberately, turning towards Karigan. She froze at the movement, snapping towards him in a maneuver that ended with her daggers in her hands. At the sight of him, she fell into a deep bow, the daggers disappearing once again.
"Your Majesty!" she said, keeping her voice low with what seemed an effort. "I...did not expect to find you here."
Zachary couldn't hold back a chuckle, the sight of her putting a warmth in his heart as it ever did in her presence. "I had gathered," he said dryly and admired the way the glow of the coals put color to the loose fall of her hair as she straightened. "I would have thought my Weapons would alert you to my presence."
The look Karigan threw at the shadows, aimed straight at the Weapon she'd found the moment she knew of their presence, was dark. "They have their own ideas of what I should and should not know," she said, a bit more grumpy than she usually allowed herself to be in his presence. He attributed it to the late hour, to the emotional upheaval of the last few months. He knew fairly well they had been hard on her, much as they had been for him.
"I have noticed a tendency towards this myself." Zachary rested a hand on the stone beside him, motioning towards her. "Come, sit."
Karigan looked between him and his hand. For a moment Zachary didn't know whether she would agree with his request, but then she moved, pulling her coat from her shoulders to hide her unsettled state. There was a look of dullness in her eyes, of restraint and hopelessness that he did not like. It was as if she had been driven to roam the halls by the same feeling that he had. He would not wish that upon anyone, least of all the woman that had stolen his heart long ago.
"What brought you to this hall?" Zachary asked and did not give in to the urge to place his arm around her, to seek the solace she could give him. The time where it might have been permissable had long since passed: the words she had spoken to him in the tower had put a distance between them that was not his to bridge.
Karigan let out a deep breath, her shoulders slowly sinking as she leaned against the throne beside him. He did not doubt the lowering of her guard was more from lack of sleep than his presence. Had she been more awake she would not have been at his side. "I keep dreaming," she admitted in a moment of honesty that had not appeared between them for months and years. "It's hard to sleep when visions of what will come hide in your dreams."
Zachary could not say anything to that, knowing far too well the feeling she described. He watched her face, the flickering light that moved over her skin and highlighted the dark shadows under her eyes. She had not had them only a few days ago. For a moment, his eyes rested on her lips and he wished he had the leave to touch them, with his fingers, with his lips. When he raised his eyes to hers again, she was observing him.
"You're always watching me," she whispered and the vulnerability in her voice made his heart ache. Karigan was always strong, the one who could get through any obstacle, that would never fail or betray him. This was not she, but the woman he'd seen only at a handful of moments: in the stables, on the balcony, on those stairs, in the becursed tower. He clenched his hand into a fist, fighting against the instinct to hold her to him as he had before, soothing her worries as best as he ever could. "I can't step away if you will not let me go."
A bitter laugh slipped from Zachary's lips before he could suppress it. He swept his hand over his face, attempting to hide the look he knew must be there. "How can I let you go?" he said rhethorically, staring into the darkness beyond her. Karigan startled and he lifted a hand, stalling her protest. "No, Karigan. I am attempting to give you at least the space to heal. I have made my feelings towards you clear. They have not changed but I will not, cannot force them upon you."
Zachary met her eyes and let her see everything he usually held from her sight. One touch, he thought, one single touch. He might allow himself that. Slowly, he raised his hand and fitted it along the side of her face. She didn't move, didn't breath as he swept his thumb over her lips, along her nose, under her eye. It came away wet as he moved away, her breath shuddery as she involuntarily touched the path his hand had taken with her own.
"I love you," he said, suddenly desperate with the need to tell her. "I can't pretend I do not."
The look on Karigan's face changed subtly, changing into something he did not recognize. Something sure, as if she had thrown away all hesitance. "Estora has told me that your engagement has been broken in favor of someone else." Her eyes searched his. "I...was surprised to hear it."
Zachary stilled, not sure how to answer the question on her face. "I did not want to put any pressure on you." He was unaccustomed to flounder for words, the way syllables fled from his tongue instead of forming into sentences. There was a tension in his chest as if something wanted to explode. Would explode, he acknowledged to himself. This was it, he could feel it. This was the moment he never thought he would be given.
He turned fully towards her and took a deep breath. He let Zachary the man slide away and King Zachary Hillander take his place. He hoped desperately that he had read the look on her face correctly, his heart beating hard enough it felt as if it could shatter his ribcage.
"Rider Sir Karigan G'ladheon," Zachary said formally, the words returning to his tongue with the return of the crown. "If I would seek to make an alliance with the foremost merchant clan in the Realm, asking for the hand of the heir and daughter, would you be inclined to think there might be a favorable response?"
Her face went pale, then red. Her breath hitched and for a moment he thought that he might have read her entirely wrong. His stomach plummeted and he was about to rise to his feet, dismissing the enquiry as a fool's supposition, when Karigan reached out, slowly, to mirror the gesture he had bestowed upon her only moments ago.
"There would be." Her voice didn't hold the surety he would have wished of it, but her eyes spoke of emotions she didn't put words to, her hand trembling against his face. "But can a King marry a merchant daughter when there are alliances that might be made?"
Zachary laughed helplessly, the feeling more a release of tension than a show of mirth. He took the hand on his face, holding it tight. He didn't know if he would ever be able to let it go. "I have spoken to the councillors," he admitted quietly. He had not dared to think of the reason why at the time, only known it was a matter he had to bring before them. Now that the reason was clear, was right in front of him, he could not feel anything other than overwhelming relief. "They believe the match would be a wise one: to tie the Royal House to the largest merchant clan in the realm would be to drastically cut the tension between aristocracy and merchants and at the same time gain a foothold in commerce that we do not otherwise have."
"You would find my father less meek than you might expect," Karigan warned him but there was a burgeoning hope in her eyes, a smile that tried to lift the corners of her mouth in a way he had dearly missed.
King Zachary disappeared in that moment and Zachary the man could only helplessly pull her into his embrace, burrowing his face in her hair as he had never let himself do. "I can't bring myself to mind," he admitted and felt her arms cautiously slip around him and fall to his back, hands sliding as if wanting to touch as much of him as they possibly could. "I will battle the most cunning of merchants if I might be given this." He leaned his forehead against her, feeling their breaths mix. He wanted and it was strange to know that he might have. "Will you agree if I send the missive?" he asked and found himself holding his breath as if there might still be doubt.
"I could not forget you," she admitted and in that moment, Zachary thought he could drown in her eyes. He was going to turn into the most love-besmitten man in the realm, he realized a bit sheepishly, should she agree to this. "I don't think I could say no to you a second time."
"Thank the Gods," Zachary breathed before he could think the words.
Karigan laughed breathlessly and placed her hands on his face, suddenly brazen in a way that he had not ever seen her before. It was as if a passion hidden beneath the surface had suddenly been let loose, as if her shackles had been taken off and she was finally free. "Zachary," she said and the single mention of his name held more emotion than any three words could ever have between them. "Zachary."
He bent his head and captured her lips, cradling her face as her mouth opened under his and she moaned quietly. Her hands clung to his back and for a moment he could not think, could not do other but try to show her with every move, every touch what he felt, the immense feeling that seemed to carry him towards a joy he had not felt since childhood. When he pulled away, she followed him but he put a finger over her lips, forcing himself to stay away.
"Should we continue this, I do believe my suite might be a better place," Zachary said and aimed for dry but found it turned more into breathless want. "I would not share a first time with you with the Weapons."
Karigan turned bright red at his words and quickly came to her feet, eyes flickering towards the shadow. There was still a joy in her eyes however and as he rose beside her, she took his hand with only a trace of hesitance. "I think it might be a good time to leave then."
"Your wish is my command." Zachary bowed to her and took her arm, the feeling wholly different to how he had felt during the nightly wanderings with Estora by his side. This was how it felt to walk beside someone you loved, he realized, and know that you belonged to them. Karigan's hand was warm in his and the smile on her face an affirmation of what had happened.
When they reached the large doors that would cut them off from their watchers, Karigan was the one to open them and step inside. She had decided, Zachary realized and followed. Karigan had made up her mind and it would not change.
As the door closed behind them, he smiled.