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Onoda stares at his phone. The digital clock shows that it’s past 11. It’s too late to make a call right now, isn’t it? They are both athletes, and they need rest… but…
A minute earlier, Onoda was startled awake from his almost-sleep when his phone buzzed with a text message. The message still has his heart racing. There is no way he can sleep right now, and if he doesn’t share it, he will implode on himself. At least, that’s what it feels like.
He’s blushing, all by himself, sitting up against the wall in his bed, wrapped in his Love Hime-themed sheets. The hand holding his cell phone is shaking.
He licks his lips, and presses call. With the phone held against his ear, he stares straight ahead with panic in his eyes, though there is no one yet to be so worried of.
The phone signals got through and went by, one by one, indicating that clearly, the other person is asleep. Onoda’s mind is spinning fast enough for him to feel nauseous, concerning what he’s about to say, what he’s about to confess to someone else, and to himself, for the first time.
He wants to hang up, when suddenly there is an answer.
Cheery, chipper, not asleep in the slightest, he hears Manami say: “Hello, Sakamichi-kun. It’s pretty late huh. I’m glad to hear from you.”
Onoda exhales, to try and stabilize his voice somewhat. It’s most likely a wasted effort, since it never seems to work.
“H-hello, Manami-kun… uhm, good evening,” he says, tone embarrassingly shaky.
“Good evening,” Manami replies happily. “Is everything all right?”
“Ev-everything fine… ahaha…” Onoda swallows. He needs to get it together. “Uhm, I’m sorry for calling so late…”
“It’s fine, it’s fine. I was just stargazing out the window. It’s a pretty clear sky here, so you can see so many stars. I wanted to sneak out and go for a bike ride so I could get a better view, but the hall monitor has been so strict on me lately. It would be bad if I got caught again, I guess.”
Onoda would never do something like sneak out like that, but he smiles as he listens to Manami talk, as if though he can understand him. Manami has a gentle voice, and it makes Onoda happy to listen to it.
“I see,” he comments to keep him going.
Manami chuckles softly. “You ever do that, Sakamichi-kun?” he asks. “How are the stars in Chiba?”
“Ah.” Onoda hurriedly gets up and goes to the window, peering out through the glass. He can’t see too well. “It seems pretty dark here,” he says.
“Is that so…” Manami sighs. “That’s too bad. I wish you could see these stars too, they’re so impressive. Makes you think of how small we are, next to the wonders of nature…”
“Yeah… I guess so…”
“Ah, that’s right. What did you call me for? It’s rare that you call me.”
It’s true, Onoda thinks, slightly ashamed of the fact. He doesn’t often know what to say, and if it’s short, he will just text Manami instead. Sometimes they come off topic, the times when Manami calls him, and they both have no idea what to say. Those awkward pauses make Onoda feel uncomfortable, even though Manami doesn’t seem to mind it. But they’ve gotten better.
“Yeah… actually…” Onoda’s cheeks reheat, as he remembers why he called. He crawls back into bed and wraps the sheets around him tighter. “I wanted to ask you… what you think I should do.”
“Hm? What about?”
“Uhm… y-you see… there is a person… I like.”
He hears a noise from Manami’s side, so he presses the phone closer to his ear, but he can’t make it out. He can practically see Manami’s warm, welcoming smile before him.
“A person you like. That’s wonderful, Sakamichi-kun.”
The enthusiasm makes Onoda flush, and he struggles with his reply.
“Yes, uhm, it’s very… nice. But I… I haven’t told this person yet. And I don’t know if I should because… I don’t know if they feel the same way. And this person, uhm… I don’t watch any BL and I never thought about it before but I…” He swallows. “This person I like is another boy, Manami-kun. What should I do? That sort of thing it’s… it’s weird, right?”
Manami chuckles playfully.
“I dunno if I would call it weird, but even if it is, that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, right? I see, so you like another boy, Sakamichi-kun.” He hums. “So that’s what it is. And you wanted to ask me…”
Onoda is smiling. His face is hot, and he feels like he’s dreaming. Manami doesn’t think it’s wrong. Hearing him say that means the world. He needs that support, and Manami is so kind to him.
“Ah… I wanted to ask… what I should do. I don’t know if this person… if he feels the same way.”
“Hm, well… I’ve never done something like confess, Sakamichi-kun. But I think it seems like a wonderful thing, right? It’s a brave thing to do and it means you’re being honest. I think that sounds like a good idea for anyone.”
Onoda’s smile widens.
“Really, Manami-kun?”
“Really.” Manami shifts position, Onoda can hear sheets rustling on the other side. “Why don’t you tell me about this person? Who it is…”
Onoda swallows. Can he tell him? Can he really tell Manami, right now?
“Uhm… he’s… It’s a bit embarrassing but…”
“So tell me why you worry he might now like you back,” Manami urges him. “That seems unlikely to me. After all, Sakamichi-kun, you’re really cute.”
“Ma-manami-kun!”
“I’m being honest, Sakamichi-kun. Well?”
Onoda takes a deep breath. Get it together, he tells himself again, though he’s still taken aback by the unjustified comment.
“Well… First, thank you but… cute or not, this person, he’s… he’s really handsome. And he’s so cool… He’s strong, and he’s kind, and ever since we met I have been… I’ve been so much happier. He helped me and I feel... Sometimes I feel like he’s too good to be real.” The words well out of him, there is no censoring. He thinks of the text message earlier, and his arteries are about to explode from how quickly his blood is being pumped through his veins. “Manami-kun, I…I really really like him.”
“Sakamichi-kun…” Manami sounds a bit surprised, but not negative in the slightest. “You know… there’s someone I like too.”
“Eh? Manami-kun too?”
“That’s right… and the person I like, he’s a boy too. He’s cute, and he’s honest, and I think he’s the same as me. He impresses me more and more, and I think we have a true connection, unlike with anyone else.”
Onoda thinks about Manami’s words.
“I’m glad,” he says in earnest. “That person sounds amazing.” He pictures Manami with a cute, name and faceless boy from Hakone’s Academy. “Is he in the bike club with you?”
Manami laughs, that pearly, easy laughter of his. It makes Onoda feel silly.
“Not in my bike club, no… Sakamichi-kun, listen. What I’m saying is… me too. We’re the same.”
Onoda nods, though Manami can’t see it.
“Yeah. We both have people we like.”
There is no laughter this time. Manami’s voice is deeper, sounds strangely serious. Sensual.
“Sakamichi-kun, what I’m saying is... The person I like, is you.”
The world stops. Onoda’s mouth falls open, and he can’t feel his heart beating any more. Somehow, he stutters: “Ma-manami-kun!” but it’s too silent for even him to hear.
“Sakamichi-kun? Are you all right? Did you really worry I didn’t like you back? Really, you’re so utterly adorable, Sakamichi-kun. I’m so happy you called, I never thought-“
“W-wait!” Onoda explains. “Manami-kun! I’m sorry, but I’m not-!” He speaks too quickly, but he can’t stop. “I, the person I like is Imaizumi-kun! You are… you are my precious friend but I don’t, uhm, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you think I… I don’t… I don’t think of you like that, I’m sorry, Manami-kun. Imaizumi-kun is my… I’m sorry.”
Manami’s line is silent. Onoda is close to tears, frantic in his self-loathe for having hurt his friend. He mutters apologies silently, but he knows they won’t help.
Soon, he hears shuffling on the other side again. When Manami speaks, he doesn’t sound as happy anymore.
“In that case, I wouldn’t worry if I were you, Sakamichi-kun. I meant what I said. I’m sure your Imaizumi-kun likes you too, I can’t see how he wouldn’t. It’s really late now, so we should probably hang up. And I don’t want to take after Toudou-san’s phone bill quirk. Good night, Sakamichi-kun. Get lots of rest, and we’ll see each other later.”
He hangs up, and Onoda drops his phone. He wants to be overwhelmed by his feelings for Imaizumi again, but the guilt wells up instead, overtaking even his surprise at the confession itself.
Curling up in a ball, he hopes Manami isn’t crying, though he can’t see what Manami would even cry over. Onoda isn’t nearly that impressive, like Manami or Imaizumi is. He isn’t cool or inspiring like them either, and not nearly as admirable… Why would he be upset for… why would he like Onoda?
He lies and thinks of them both and can’t separate them in his mind – thoughts of Imaizumi now bring up his conversation with Manami, and thoughts of Manami bring up his feelings for Imaizumi. There is no escaping the awful feeling of having hurt someone he cares about so much.
The text he received earlier from Imaizumi reads: “good night Sakamichi” and nothing more. Looking at it again brings him only more tears, and even though he wants to, this time, he does not press “Call”.