Chapter Text
Well, it was only a matter of time until Fury found out. The time aforementioned was about 7.2 days. The Avengers + Peter didn’t technically lie to Fury about anything, in fact, they didn’t say anything to Fury at all. Fury, being the superspy director pirate deduced it from his superspy director pirate brain.
Of course, it was hard not to deduce this when one knew about the existence of wizards and saw dishes washing by themselves one fine morning in the Avengers Tower.
Of course, the superspy director pirate only had one reaction to the situation.
“Motherfucker.” Fury’s eye, to the trained eye, was slightly wider than usual, a sign of extreme surprise for him.
All the plates dropped out of the air, landing on the ground with harsh clanks.
“Ah shoot.” Peter took his eye off from Fury (bad decision really) to the shattered plates. “I didn’t mean to do that. Reparo.” With a swish, all the plates pieced themselves together, and with a sharp flick of Peter’s wrist, they returned to the cabinets they belonged to. Peter snuck an uncertain glance at Fury. “JARVIS? Can you call Mr. Stark - maybe Steve too - actually everyone down here?”
“They’re on their way, Peter.”
Peter gestured to the couch. “Uh, do you wanna sit down or something? I have orange juice if you want some?”
Fury waved him off, choosing instead to put his head in his hands. “Motherfucker.”
“Uh, you probably shouldn’t say that around here too much. Steve has a habit of glaring at people who swear.”
Fury ignored him.
Peter sat down. “Okay, cool. I’m just gonna sit here enjoying my orange juice, being silent, wait am I talking right now? Okay, not that silent but still like pretty silent?”
Cutting in Peter’s nervous jabbering, Steve walked into the room. “Peter? Is everything alrigh-” Steve noticed Fury. “Ah.”
Fury finally took his head out of his hands. “Captain, take a seat. We’re going to wait for the whole team to arrive.”
As soon as everyone gathered (with the appropriate reactions to seeing Fury and Peter in one room - collective oh shit captures the feeling well), Fury glared at the team. “I’m assuming you all knew Parker was a wizard?”
A nod from Steve, Natasha, Clint, and Sam. An eye roll from Tony, and silence from Bruce and Bucky.
“And you didn’t think I should have known this?” Fury gestured to Peter. “This is a walking contract violation. Stark, of all the people I thought you would have understood how serious that contract was.”
Tony rolled his eyes yet again. “Chill Fury. We didn’t know Peter was an abomination of science until a week ago either.” He placed a reassuring arm around Peter. “Without him and his beautiful Aunt, Capsicle over there would’ve died.”
Steve smiled. "Thank you again Peter."
“The violation of the contract still stands Stark.”
Peter raised his hand.
Fury pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not a fucking classroom Parker. What do you have to say?”
“Uh. I’m not a contract violation?” As he saw Fury starting to speak, Peter hastily waved his hand. “The delegation knows I’m the Avenger’s intern. Like the second I stepped in that office, they recognized me.”
“Okay.” Fury, less stressed now that MACUSA wasn’t gonna be on his ass, laid a critical eye on Peter. “Then mind explaining why you aren’t in the wizarding school?”
Peter shrugged. “Early graduation?”
“Is that a question or an answer, Parker?”
Peter shuffled a bit and burrowed deeper into the couch. “An answer?” At Fury’s glare, Peter continued. “I did graduate early. I’m the first in a few centuries to do that. I’m just attending normal high school now.”
“How good are you with magic?”
“I mean, I’m average with all the wand stuff.” Peter waved his hand as if he was waving his wand. “I’m more specialized in potions - I'm actually finishing my final test for the mastery.”
“So not a fighter.”
Before Fury could say more, Natasha cut in from behind Peter. “Sir, with all due respect, I don’t think Peter’s the right fit right now.”
Peter turned to look at her. “Right fit for what?”
Natasha's eyes seemed to gleam with.. with... was that mischief? “For being an Avenger of course.”
Peter’s mouth dropped and he flushed. “Uh, yeah, I’m like totally not the hero type.” Peter fiddled with his wand. “It’s not like I can save people. Nope. I’m so not fit - like no muscles at all-”
Steve cut in. “Aside from all that, Sir, Peter is 17. He’s underage-”
“Actually, wizards are considered adults at age 17.” Peter corrected.
Steve ignored him (shocker really. Peter thought he would be all American politeness). “-and he needs to be a child, maybe go to university-”
“What do you mean maybe?” Tony cut in, annoyed. “Peter has had a spot at MIT since the day I met him.”
Steve continued to ignore everyone. “-and have the skills, education, and experience to defend himself in battle before he even considers being an Avenger.”
“And didn’t the contract say they would not provide any wizards for the field?” Bruce said.
Fury waved a hand, shutting up the others that started to talk. “Fine.” Fury looked at Peter. “You’re off the hook for now Parker. I’d better not hear anything from MACUSA about you anytime soon. Or there will be consequences” With that, Fury strode out the room, his long coat billowing behind him.
“Well, Fury did have a flair for dramatic exits,” Tony muttered.
Clint nodded. “And one for having the last word.” Then he turned to grin at Peter. “Well, that’s Fury for you. On the good side, you’re now officially let loose on magic without worry around here. And on the amazing side, we can finally start using some of that magic to prank Fury.”
Peter grinned back. “That, Clint, is some amazing news.”
Sam groaned. “Fury just tried to pull one over Peter and your reaction to this is to prank him? Not to lay low for a while?”
“It be that way sometimes,” Peter said. Clint nodded.
Natasha rolled her eyes. “Just don’t do any lasting damage to the Director’s mentality.” Then, she focused her eyes on Steve. “And I didn’t know you could lie so well. Peter not having the skills, experience, or education? Steve, Peter’s better than some of the newbies I have to train at SHIELD.”
“Yeah Stevie, where did you learn to spout lies like that?” Bucky leaned into Tony, a smirk on his face.
Peter chimed in. “Yeah, and I quote, ‘honesty is the best trait anyone can ever have’. That was from your like PSA #3.”
“Skipping the fact that you have PSAs, where did you learn that?” Tony asked a devious smile on his face (you know, when you looked at Tony and Bucky now, you kinda got why they were dating. they looked like evil reincarnates).
Steve flushed. “Ah, well.” He looked at Bucky. “Buck, you remember that one time when we got caught taking the cookies from Ms. Ponsy and I… um...“
“Had to put on a bloody skirt to get away,” Bucky smirked. “Yeah, I remember.”
“Yeah, um..” Steve looked around in desperation, no one rose to help him. “I told Ms. Ponsy that I was here to see my cousin Steve and apparently Ms. Ponsy liked Rebecca so much that she kept coming to me ask how she was.”
Tony burst into laughter. “Wow captain, I didn’t know you were into cross-dressing.” He winked. “We’ll have to go shopping sometimes - Natasha and I know great places we can go together.”
Steve flushed even farther. Bucky, a little off-balance as he was holding a giggling Tony, spoke. “Why didn’t you tell me that part of the story? That was the best part punk.”
Steve groaned and looked at the Avengers, who were all in various states of disarray. Tony, Peter, and Clint were giggling their asses off, Bruce and Natasha were smiling with their eyes, and Sam and Bucky were grinning like idiots. “This. This is the reason why I never told anyone.”
Peter giggled. “Don’t worry Ms. Captain America. We’ll keep it a secret. Right, Tony?”
“Yep, most definitely. It will never get out into the public.”
Steve sighed. This was not gonna end up well.
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A few hours later, Steve got a message on his phone. It was a picture of Thor, with Jane and Darcy, wearing a dress fit for a wedding. The following text said, “My friend, I heard about your great adventures into what Son of Stark called crossdressing. Darcy was greatly happy about this - we must go to what she called drag shows - it sounds like a great deal of fun!”
Steve sighed. He was never going to live this down.