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The beeping and clicking of the hospital machinery filled the otherwise silent room, mocking Ben, counting down the seconds until Robert was taken from him. Robert lay still, eyes closed like they always were, unaware of the activity around his bed. Ben sat in the armchair next to the bed, staring, unseeing, at the floor. These past few months had ruined him. He had no idea how much longer he could bear to sit by his husband’s side, waiting for him to die. It was so unfair that this had happened to Robert, but wasn’t that always the way it was? Bad things only happen to good people.
‘But,’ he thought, ‘Robert would say that’s only true because the rest of the world thinks the bad things that happen to bad people are what they deserve.’ The world, but not Robert. Robert always saw the mercy and forgiveness in every situation. That’s what Ben loved about him.
The nurse came in to check Robert’s IV and empty his catheter bag. When she had gone, Ben got up and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Bobby?” he said quietly. “You do know I’ll be alright…right? I can’t imagine life without you…but I’ve been living one for months already. Don’t hang around on my account. I can’t bear to see you like this…not after all you’ve been through already…” his voice broke, and his eyes began to water, ashamed at his admission. “I love you Bobby, but I want to see you free of pain. I love you too much to watch you waste away any more.” He fell silent as tears began to fall in earnest. He closed his eyes and cried. He took hold of Robert’s hand, and tried to calm himself.
“Do you remember our song, Bobby?” he asked after a moment. “When we met at that picnic in ’62? They were playing all those Elvis songs, and we sat together to listen?” Ben closed his eyes again, and began to hum softly. He squeezed Robert’s hand and froze when he felt Robert squeeze his back. He opened his eyes to see Robert’s staring back into his.
“B-Bobby?” Ben asked.
“Yeah, Ben?” Robert croaked weakly.
“I love you.”
Robert was silent, and closed his eyes. Ben thought he’d gone back into his coma until he opened his mouth again.
“Wise men say,” Robert sang haltingly. “Only fools rush in. But I can’t help falling in love with you.” He finished weakly. Ben lay down alongside Robert and hugged him tightly.
“Shall I stay?” he began. “Would it be a sin if I can’t help falling in love with you?” Robert smiled, and Ben rested his head on Robert’s chest. They lay there together, entirely connected to each other, as the dawn began to creep over the horizon. Ben lay there, afraid to let go of his love, but knowing that Robert would always be in his heart. He lay there, long after the doctor had come in and turned off the alarms. Long after the sun had come up. Long after the last of the warmth had faded from his limbs. Finally, as his tears began to lighten, he got up slowly and left the room, singing softly to himself.
“Like a river flows surely to the sea, darling so it goes, some things are meant to me. Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you.”