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If I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I would say ‘I love you’ with my last breath.
-Shannon Dermott
The angel comes and hides in the darkness, body draped in long dark robes as melancholic as ebony. Bright, green eyes peer down at the sleeping man on his deathbed. A cardiac monitor beeps weakly into the dead of the night, and the heart it surveils will soon stop beating.
The man’s fate has been sealed by his arrival…
Hoshi does not know anything about this man except his name.
Kim Mingyu.
The mortal dweller’s time is up, and he is here to take the human’s soul away.
His lip trembles, and his eyes water from grief. He hates having to do this. He does not enjoy taking away peoples’ lives, but he has no other choice. His god had created him for this purpose, and it’s his duty to serve his master.
Hoshi was born just a few decades ago, crafted by the hands of a supreme power into something otherworldly and ephemeral. He is an ethereal being gifted with black wings of night…an angel…but not the kind of angel that glides through the clouds and plays a harp all day long. He is something ugly and dark - the bane of all humans good and evil…
An angel of death.
His heart aches more than wonted, more so than another other time he’s had to deliver someone from the mortal world. Hoshi does not understand why, but somehow, he feels like he’s watching himself die. The longer he stares at Kim Mingyu’s handsome face, the more his chest burns in muted misery.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers, even though no one can hear his voice. The man lying on the hospital bed stirs slightly, furrowing his brows before erupting into a coughing fit.
Kim Mingyu wheezes in agony, the last of his disease finally bringing him closer to his denouement, and it hurts Hoshi even more to see him suffering without anyone there to comfort him. Where are his friends? Where are his parents? Why isn’t anyone with him, right now? Why have they all abandoned him and left him to die alone in his hospital bed?
The angel can no longer stand it. He needs to finish this quickly before the human wakes up.
Hoshi does his best to hold back his tears, unshed crystalline liquid welling in the corners of his green eyes. He is the only person who can mourn for the dying man, and hopefully, Kim Mingyu can find peace in Heaven after the angel takes him there. “Please forgive me…but I have to do this…”
He firmly takes hold of the mortal’s wrist, and Mingyu sharply gasps at his touch. The human’s brown eyes shoot wide open. He pants desperately for breath, and his already pale skin drains of every last bit of color.
“I’m so sorry, Mingyu…”
The tears finally leave his eyes. He’s never cried this hard before, but something about the way Mingyu’s skin felt under his touch, so incredibly cold…but so warm at the same time, moves him into sobbing uncontrollably.
He feels like he’s dying with the mortal…feels like he’s killing himself…
Hoshi doesn’t know why he feels this way…why his heart is aching so badly…why his own body is shaking and his bones are crumbling…
“You will be free soon…let me free you…” he says in a rushed mutter.
But before he can pull Kim Mingyu’s soul out of his body, the human meets his gaze and mutters out hoarsely, “Please…ple-please…help…he-help me…”
“W-What?” Hoshi stutters in disbelief. “Y-you…you can see me?”
This is impossible. Mortals cannot see them. Their sight does not allow them to see otherworldly images…but…
But the human before him is looking straight into his eyes.
The angel draws his hand back in horror and spreads his wings, ascending back to heaven in a blinding burst of light.
Mingyu sits up quickly, heart beating fast and wild against his chest. He’s still panting, and he’s still coughing…but he also feels amazingly invigorated. His eyes turn to every corner of the room, desperately searching for the breathtaking person he had just seen.
“Something went wrong!”
The angel runs into an empty, white room, face flushed and black wings haphazardly flailing right behind him.
He disrupts a conversation between two other angels, both sharing the same dark-hued wings as him. Their eyes also glow in the same emerald green, but theirs have seen many more deaths. Joshua and Wonwoo have been angels longer than he has been, have been taking lives and delivering souls to heaven so many centuries before he has.
“Hoshi, what happened?” Joshua asks, face painted with worry. Wonwoo - their leader, on the other hand, only silently glares at him.
“It-It-the…the human…” he utters in panic, and Joshua pulls him into a tight hug, urging him to focus on his words and calm down.
“Yes? What about the human?”
Hoshi winces, as he struggles to control his erratic breathing. “He…he…saw!!!”
“What?!” he hears Wonwoo say. “What do you mean he saw?”
The raven-haired angel is pulled out of Joshua’s embrace. Wonwoo tugs harshly right at the joint, and Hoshi splutters in pain. He’s always made it apparent how he’s never been fond of Hoshi, but now, he’s taking it too far. An angel’s wings are very sensitive, and touching even just the tip of the feathers is extremely invasive.
“Wonwoo, let him go!” Joshua shouts angrily and slaps Wonwoo’s hand away. “Don’t you ever do that again!”
Hoshi is still in distress, cringing as he tucks his wings closer to his back and cowers away from their leader.
Joshua guiltily rubs at Hoshi’s nape, comforting him as best as he can, and Wonwoo can only glower at the two from a distance. He wants to interfere, but Joshua has always been Hoshi’s fiercest protector, and the leader knows better than to vex the gangly blond when he’s already angry.
After one final scowl at Wonwoo, Joshua turns to the younger angel with a balmy expression, caressing his fluffy black hair.
“It’s okay…it’s okay. You just might have been mistaken. You know that humans cannot see us, Hoshi,” the blonde-haired angel gently speaks, his small smile soft and kind.
“But he did see me,” Hoshi answers obstinately. “I know he did. He even begged for me to help him!”
Wonwoo perks up at the sound of chimes echoing in the empty room, narrowing his eyes. “The Creator calls for him…”
“Hoshi didn’t do anything wrong,” Joshua states firmly, face once again hardened.
The leader stalks closer to the pair, glaring down at both of them with in arrogance and hegemony. “Our God will not be kept waiting.”
Joshua releases Hoshi from his grasp and frowns in defeat.
Wonwoo grabs the young angel’s shoulder harshly, making the boy stumbled a bit, before turning to the blond angel once more. “I’ll deal with you later.”
“Hoshi-yah, my beautiful little angel,” Jeonghan, their god, cooes sweetly. He sits on his throne, adorned in immaculate, ivory clothing. His hair is long and silvery like the moon of the earth, and his eyes are bright purple like the rarest of spinels.
His lips curl into a sly and teasing smile. “I see that there has been a problem concerning a certain Kim Mingyu…”
The angel nods anxiously. There is nothing they can hide from their God. He knows everything, sees everything. Nothing ever gets past him and his omniscience.
Hoshi has only ever seen him once, after he had been born, and never again. To be summoned by Jeonghan only meant either two things - he’s about to be bestowed with more gifts, or he’s about to be thrown into hell. And Hoshi highly doubts that it’s the former of the two.
“Y-yes, Your Excellency,” he says softly, looking down at the floor in shame. “He…the mortal saw me…”
“And what happened after he saw you?”
Hoshi winces, hands fiddling with the sides of his long black sleeves. “I…I was surprised a-and really scared…so I-I…I failed to take his soul…”
He expects his God to throw insults at him, to further shame him for being a failure, but what he does not expect is the kindness in his maker’s voice.
“Sit right here beside me.”
It catches Hoshi by surprise, being requested to sit down beside his God. Without question, he plops onto the white-rugged floor beside Jeonghan’s throne. His hair and his clothes are the only dark things in his white surroundings, like an unwanted black spot of sin and corruption. Everything in Heaven is immaculate, and Hoshi wishes he didn’t have to stand out so much, wishes he could also wear the alabaster and cream.
“I’d like to ask you a few things, Hoshi-yah.” Jeonghan’s hand runs through his hair, tenderly brushing the strands and still smiling down at him.
Hoshi looks away shyly but nods fervently anyway.
Jeonghan pats his head. “Do you know what a soulmate is?”
“Yes, Your Majesty.” Hoshi allows his lips to curl at the thought of soulmates. The notion of love and romance between humans has always delighted him. “Soulmates are two people sharing an equal half of one soul.”
The God chuckles menacingly. If Hoshi hadn’t known better, he would have thought Jeonghan was the devil by the way he sounded.
“That’s right! So, do you know why, of all the humans on earth, only Kim Mingyu was able to see you?”
Hoshi shakes his head, peeking meekly at the long-haired sovereign. “No, Sir…”
Jeonghan lifts the angel’s chin up and rubs a thumb on his soft cheek. “It’s because Kim Mingyu is your soulmate.”
The angel’s eyebrows furrow in question. “But…I’m not a human. How…how could I have a soul…and a soulmate?”
“Ahh…you see, Hoshi, you too were once human,” Jeonghan explains, now squishing Hoshi’s cheeks with his fingers. “When you were just a tiny fetus in your mother’s belly, she had you…how shall I say this? Aborted…and Joshua was the angel assigned to take your soul away. Instead of taking you to paradise, I asked him to give me your soul, and I turned you into an angel.”
“But why me?” The angel stands up, finally realizing why he’d never felt like he belonged, why his skin and bones never fit right, and why Wonwoo and the other angels always looked at him in scorn…because he had once been a human - the very being every angel envied. Mortals are blessed with free will and colorful lives. They are their maker’s favorite creations, loved far more than any angel in Heaven. “Why not let me live in paradise? Why make me this ugly and horrid?”
“You are not ugly, and you are not horrid,” the God replies. “You are my angel. You are strong-willed and loyal. You are loving and dedicated to your responsibilities, but most importantly, you are meant for more than one life, Hoshi. I need not explain to you what I created you for but know that you have a purpose as my angel. You’re beautiful, don’t ever think otherwise.”
“Yes, Sir,” Hoshi sighs sadly, pushing away the bitter thoughts that he knows would upset his God. He is God’s faithful servant. He should not be questioning Jeonghan, of all people. “Forgive me, My Lord.”
“You are forgiven,” the God of All states, eyes crinkling in mirth. “Now off you go. Finish what you started…no matter what it takes.”
The angel nods woefully at Jeonghan’s insinuation and quickly vanishes into thin air.
Hoshi is very upset. He does not want to kill his own soulmate. Kim Mingyu is supposed to be someone special to him. Even the humans know that finding your soulmate is a phenomenal occurrence. They’re obsessed with it and understandably so. Soulmates are two halves of a single soul, perfect for each other in every way possible. How can he just kill Mingyu without feeling any sort of remorse?
It’s already difficult enough as it is to deliver another soul to Heaven. How can he do the same to Kim Mingyu?
He knows exactly where to find the human, but to his astonishment, Mingyu is looking well and perfectly healthy.
The mortal is walking out of the hospital, overjoyed and bounding on his feet. His skin is glowing, and his black hair is lustrous and thick. His eyes are dazzlingly clear, and he’s no longer huffing and coughing.
“I’m fine, Seungkwan,” Mingyu says into his phone, grinning merrily as he journeys through the streets of Gangnam-gu. “I know…I know I said I didn’t want anyone to come visit. The nurses told me you tried to. I’m sorry…yeah…but I want to see you now!”
The mortal looks really happy. Happy to be alive, Hoshi guesses. But not for long though, the angel thinks grimly.
Mingyu throws his head back, laughing so loudly that people were starting to stare at him in annoyance. “Yes, Seungkwan! I’m cured!”
Hoshi holds back the urge to smile. Kim Mingyu is very handsome, and the angel wonders if he’s just as beautiful on the inside as well.
“No, it’s fine I can go back home myself. Yeah…okay, see you soon! Bye.”
Mingyu steps into the crosswalk. He doesn’t notice the car coming straight towards him, and Hoshi’s resolution to finish his job disintegrates into nothingness. Everything happens way too fast. His arm grabs hold of the tall mortal, just as Mingyu is about to collide with the vehicle, and pulls him back into the safety of the sidewalk. It’s a split-second reaction that he does not expect himself to do, and he quietly hisses at himself for being so stupid.
The human gasps for air as he falls onto the concrete, staring at the person who’d saved him in absolute shock. Hoshi releases him, curling into himself mortification. He’s guilt-ridden and mollified by what he’d just done. He just saved the mortal’s life, and again, he had just failed his God. The Lord is not going to be happy with him.
Mingyu gets back up on his feet, his breathing slowly evening out once more. The people walking up and down the streets barely pay him any attention, and Mingyu doesn’t pay them any heed either. His large brown eyes are focused solely on Hoshi, glimmering with so much elation.
“It’s you…my angel…” he says, a charming smile forming on his mouth and sharp teeth peeking out between his lips.
“A-Angel???” Hoshi is taken aback and steps away in panic.
Mingyu just laughs, and his cheeks redden. “You’re my angel. You took away my sickness. I got better because of you, and I can’t thank you enough!”
The angel’s expression saddens. The human doesn’t understand. His illness may have been gone, but Hoshi is still there to end his life.
He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. One smile from the human had left him frazzled and unsure of himself. He’s an angel of death. He’s not supposed to be talking to the mortal. He’s not supposed to be indulging himself like this, but he can’t help it. He can’t ignore the pull in his gut. He can’t ignore the repulsion he feels just thinking about hurting Mingyu, about shutting those brown eyes and taking his breath away forever.
“I didn’t heal you, Mingyu…I-”
“Mingyu? Is that you?!”
The human and the angel turn to the voice. A red-haired man, several inches shorter than them both, with a guitar strapped to his back is looking up at Mingyu in confusion.
“Jihoon-hyung!” the mortal starts, grinning even wider than before and dramatically wrapping the smaller male in a warm embrace. “I’m better now! The doctors said so!”
The shorter human sighs deeply with obvious relief. “I can see that…you have no idea how happy I am right now…” He smiles into Mingyu's chest, eyes twinkling from unshed tears, and playfully hits him on the back, chortling as he struggles to free himself from their hug.
“But Mingyu…who were you talking to?” Jihoon asks, pushing away the face trying to nuzzle at his head.
Mingyu beams even as his cheek is getting painfully squished. “Oh, I’m sorry. Hyung, I’d like you to meet my angel,” he says, glancing in Hoshi’s direction with fondness in his orbs.
Jihoon looks around in wonder. It’s only the two of them, and the other people on the sidewalk are all ignoring them. “There’s…no one there, Mingyu.”
“Hyung, come on,” Mingyu chuckles and rolls his eyes lightheartedly. “He’s right in front of you.”
The red-haired human furrows his brows, searching for a person he’s not meant to see. “Mingyu, there's nobody here… Are you…are you sure you’re alright?”
Mingyu’s smile falters, and he looks back and forth between Jihoon and the angel in bewilderment. “What…but he’s here…what are you talking about, hyung?”
Hoshi dolefully glances back at his soulmate. “He can’t see me. No one is supposed to.”
The human’s home is warm and welcoming. There are colorful paintings and pictures covering the white walls, all of them created and captured by Kim Mingyu himself. The rooms are filled with grey and black furniture, neat and organized and just a tad dusty from the prolonged absence of the home’s owner.
Mingyu invites Hoshi in without hesitation and lets him sit on the sofa with extra soft pillows and a micro-plush throw. He doesn’t have any food to offer the angel but promises to cook him something after they get all the facts straight.
“So…you’re not a human?” the mortal begins, eyes wide and curious as he sits on the edge of his armchair.
Hoshi shakes his head. Mingyu is taking this better than the angel thought he would. He’s oddly inquisitive and still calm despite just finding out that a being from another world is in his home. “I’m…well…you’re right. I’m not human. I…I guess I used to be, but now…I’m an angel…”
“My guardian angel?”
“No…” Hoshi answers despondently. How he wishes he became a guardian angel instead. “I’m an angel of death. Surely, you know what that means.”
Neither of them say anything for a few seconds. Mingyu absently nods, quietly taking in that little bit of information, and Hoshi feels his chest tighten from the silence.
The human speaks again after the short pause, his displeased face a reflection of the thoughts he’s pondering on. “So the sudden asthma attack I had on the street…it was because of you?”
The angel feels a sting of tears in his green eyes. “I’m really sorry! I can’t help it. Everything I touch dies. I can’t even pet kittens or pick flowers, because they’re just going to perish in my hands!”
Mingyu moves to sit next to him on the couch, attempting to soothe the angel with his words, even though he’s the one facing impending death. The cushions dip from his weight, and his soft brown eyes are heavy with concern. “Please don’t cry…it’s not your fault that you were born this way.”
“But I hate it…I hate what I am and what I have to do…I hate how I have to take your soul away...”
Mingyu’s lips tighten into a thin line. “So, when are you going to kill me?”
Hoshi sharply turns to look at his soulmate, heart crumbling into tiny little pieces at the human’s words. He stands up and backs away quickly. “I have to go.”
He spreads his wings, ready to disappear, but the human urgently stops him.
“Wait! When will I see you again?”
His heart skips a beat from Mingyu’s words, and his face immediately flushes bright red. He’s not supposed to be blushing, and he’s not supposed to be running away from his assigned task. But Hoshi does both anyway.
“Only when your time is up,” he answers grimly, before flying back home.
Hoshi tells himself that it’s easier to wait for Kim Mingyu to come close to death on his own again. Humans who’ve evaded their demise don’t last long. They were already fated to die, and it was only a matter of time before their end came. Hoshi has already failed to deliver him twice, and he’s decided it would be best to just show up when Mingyu returns to his deathbed.
But seeing Kim Mingyu with his wrists slit and blood all over his bed shocks him out of his resolve. He stops the bleeding with bandages, careful not to touch Mingyu’s bare skin and steal his breath away.
Hoshi knows he’s being an absolute idiot, but who can blame him? Mingyu is his soulmate. Mingyu was supposed to be his had he not died years ago.
When the mortal finally awakens, the angel doesn’t hold back from talking his ear off. “I leave you here for just a few days, and this is what you do? Kim Mingyu, what’s wrong with you?!”
Mingyu flinches and refuses to look at the angel, instead staring straight up at his ceiling. “I wanted to see you again…”
Hoshi feels his face flare up in rage. “That doesn’t give you the excuse to kill yourself! Humans who kill themselves go to Hell! What if I hadn’t…what if I-”
The angel grimaces from the pain in his heart. If he hadn’t successfully saved the human, Hoshi would have needed to bring him to Hell, and sending his soulmate to eternal damnation is much worse than sending him to Heaven.
“I’m sorry…I just felt so empty when you left,” Mingyu states solemnly. “And you said you would only come back when my time was up. I know it was stupid of me to just try to kill myself…but I was desperate. I needed to see you again…I’m sorry. I won’t ever do that again…”
Hoshi turns away, swallowing back the urge to concur, because he had been feeling the exact same way Mingyu had - desolate and bereft of vigor deep in his aching heart. But he couldn't tell the human this truth. It would only hurt the both of them more. “Please…stop saying these things.”
Mingyu gives him a weak smile. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
His pulse quickens, and the angel feels a rush of blood filling his cheeks. “You don’t know what you're saying…”
A hand suddenly brushes the side of his face, and Hoshi’s green eyes snap open in horror. He swiftly maneuvers himself away, staggering to his feet in panic. “Don’t do that! You know what will happen if you do!”
“Sorry, it’s just that…you’re so beautiful. I’ve never seen anyone with eyes like yours before. They’re…so green and so bright…” Mingyu says, mesmerized and amorous - wholly immersed and focused on the heavenly creation before him.
Hoshi ignores his erratic heartbeat and frowns. “All angels have the same eye color. It’s nothing special.”
The human stares back at him with dilated pupils, standing up slowly and daring to inch closer. “You’re the only angel I’ve ever seen. That makes you incredibly special to me.”
A glare from the angel stops Mingyu in his tracks. “Keep you distance, human,” Hoshi snarls in warning.
However, his hostility doesn’t deter the mortal for long. He aggressively backs the angel into a wall and braces his hands right next to the angel’s shoulders, palms against the hard surface. “What’s your name…angel?”
Hoshi feels a bout of fury take hold of his temperament. Just who did Kim Mingyu think he is? How dare the human trap him like this, knowing fully well what would happen if they accidentally touched. “Who are you to ask me such a question? My name does not concern you.”
Mingyu pushes himself forward. The gap between their bodies becomes almost nonexistent, and Hoshi's breath hitches.
“I may not be anyone special, but tell me, angel. Has anyone ever taken your breath away?”
Oh, Lord.
His face becomes a mess of emotions. He’s peering at Kim Mingyu in confusion, wonder, vexation, and yearning.
Why must he suffer this way? Why did things have to be this difficult?
“H-Hoshi…” the ephemeral being stammers breathlessly. “My name is…Hoshi…”
“Hoshi, I know this is absolutely crazy…but I think…” Mingyu hesitates, but Hoshi can see it in his brown eyes. It’s frightening to look at. It’s soothing and tortuous all in one sickeningly saccharine package. “I think I’m in love with you.”
When he hears the mortal say those words, Hoshi feels his body weaken. He’s dizzy, and his chest keeps getting tighter. The words want to leap off his tongue, but he holds everything back. He’s not answering…but Kim Mingyu knows what’s in his heart.
“And you…you feel the same way…don’t you?”
The angel realizes that they are both too far gone to turn back now.
Angels are not capable of dreaming, but as the days go by, Hoshi finds himself continuously immersed in blissful reverie.
He does his work and delivers souls to heaven and hell, but all the while, he thinks of only his soulmate. He imagines the life they could have had together, how they could have met under different circumstances, and how they could have fallen in love and lived to an old age in each other’s company.
Would they have adopted children? Who would have perished first? Would they both have gotten to live forever in Heaven?
Hoshi grows obsessive of these thoughts and pines for answers he will never receive.
Sooner or later, Jeonghan will call for him, and he doesn’t know how he can face his master like this.
All his thoughts and problems weigh heavy on his shoulders, but whenever he gets to see Kim Mingyu’s face, all the burden seems to lift away. There is only happiness and ease in his soulmate’s presence.
Once his duties for the day are over and Mingyu comes back home from work, they meet in the mortal’s small abode - eager smiles adorning their lips. They read together and play games. They watch movies and comedy shows on Mingyu’s computer. They walk across parks and riverbeds. They lay in bed and talk for hours, until the human falls asleep and the angel gets to watch him slumber until dawn. Their befuddled days start and end this way. Hoshi knows that what he’s doing is wrong, but just this once, he wishes to be selfish, even for only a little while.
His soulmate is beyond sublime. The more he learns about Kim Mingyu, the deeper he finds himself falling in love. He finds out that the human’s favorite color is black, his favorite food is hanwoo, and he prefers dogs over cats. Cleaning and drawing are his favorite hobbies, but he also loves cooking for his friends and family. At one point, he cooked a three-course meal for two hundred people after his cousin’s caterer bailed on her the day before her wedding. He wants to become a professor at Yonsei university someday, and teach medical students the importance of ethics in their career fields. He wants to volunteer at understaffed hospitals during his free time and maybe even open a small restaurant when he retires. Most importantly, he wants to adopt children from orphanages and start a movement in South Korea for adoption to become more widely accepted.
If only his mother had not killed him…Hoshi could’ve lived his human life with such an amazing person.
“I’ll make this work,” Mingyu avows, as they watch the sun set radiantly before them. They’re sitting right in front of the ocean, waves licking at their bare feet - just the two of them on a sandy beach.
Hoshi smiles bitterly at the orange, gold, and blue scenery. “How? You can’t even touch me.”
The human shifts closer to his angel. “Then I’d die for you.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” Hoshi scoffs. He takes note of the proximity between them. It’s too close but not close enough. It’s warm and cold. He wants to pull Mingyu in and push him away.
“I would.”
The angel refuses to let Mingyu see his shame and despair. He takes a fistful of sand, clenching his hand in frustration before letting the particles slip through his fingers. “You shouldn’t.”
“But I want to,” the mortal speaks with absolute candor. “There is nothing for me in this world. I want to be with you up there.”
Hoshi suspires heavily and woefully regards his soulmate. “I can’t enter the paradise meant for humans. Kim Mingyu, you have to understand. We can’t be together. Not in your world and not in my world.”
The silence that envelopes them is stifling. The mortal’s lips are pursed together, but there is no acrimony in his brown eyes as he gazes back at his companion.
Hoshi remains sullen, returning his attention to the majestic twilight. He expects Mingyu to continue arguing. It’s difficult to get the human to stop talking at times. Instead, he’s taken completely off-guard. Warm fingers gently caress his cheek, and the angel immediately flinches away. “I told you not to do that!”
He’s taken by surprise again when Mingyu barely reacts to his angry apprise and decides to utter something even more preposterous.
“Let me kiss you.”
The angel stops breathing. He gawks at his soulmate, stunned to complete silence.
Despite his lack of response, Mingyu is persistent. “Just let me have one kiss.”
Sometimes (most of the time), he has no idea what goes on in the mortal’s mind. “Why do you say the most absurd things?”
“Just this once... Please, Hoshi?”
He’s apprehensive for more reasons than one. His human is being either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid right now. “But…you know what will happen if… What if you…”
Die.
He doesn't have to utter the awful word for Mingyu to understand.
“It’s just a kiss. No one’s ever died from a kiss. What’s the worse that can happen?”
He nibbles on his lower lip, contemplating nervously. If they did it quickly enough, could it be possible? Can he really kiss his soulmate? Would Jeonghan be gracious enough to let him know what it would feel like? Just this once…
He wants to know just this once.
“…Okay.”
Mingyu’s expression brightens instantly, and Hoshi desperately hopes he won’t regret agreeing to this.
They both turn toward each other - glowing green and banal brown clashing, two worlds colliding like water and oil splattered on the dreary canvas. But something great is keeping them together - two halves of one soul, both seeking to become one.
The human’s lids are heavy, and his lashes are softly fluttering over the ardency in his orbs. He closes the distance between them, careful and steady.
Hoshi closes his eyes and fears the worst.
Their lips press together wonderfully…
The kiss is short and sweet and lasts only for a second…
…And nothing happens.
The angel opens his eyes and relaxes at the sight of his soulmate’s smile. It’s okay.
Mingyu’s okay, and he’s still here.
“See? Just a kiss.”
Before Hoshi can answer, Mingyu kisses him again. This time, three seconds longer. It’s even sweeter than their first kiss.
And still, nothing happens, and it only encourages the human even more.
He presses their lips together harder this time and places a hand firmly against Hoshi’s cheek.
The angel doesn’t bother fighting it.
Soon, they are both lost in the kiss.
Hoshi tilts his head and parts his lips, nipping at the mortal’s lower lip. Mingyu eagerly mirrors his actions, nibbling and licking and kissing experimentally, and their kisses become much more heated.
Their lips mesh together repeatedly. The tension that had been building between them disperses into their kisses as feelings of hedonistic pleasure and zealous affection.
It’s all too addicting. All the angel can think about is kissing his soulmate back as fiercely as he can. He runs his hands through Mingyu’s dark locks, lustrous and soft between his fingers, and pulls gently at the roots.
The human moans into his mouth and chuckles, before biting down lewdly on the swollen lip between his teeth.
He thanks his Creator for being so magnanimous, for letting him experience such a glorious thing despite his noxious gift.
But the moment Mingyu clamantly releases him to cough and pant for air, guilt and anguish strike him harder than a lightning bolt.
“I’m so sorry!” Hoshi cries, choking on his own sobs as he shuffles to his feet. He starts weeping uncontrollably, backing away with a hand over his mouth.
His soulmate is panting, and it breaks his heart to witness the man reach out to him even after he’d been hurt.
“N-No!” the mortal gasps, still miserably trying to catch his breath. “D-Don’t lea-leave me…”
Hoshi uncovers his lips, and the tears continuously pour down his face. He can’t do that to his soulmate ever again. “Good bye, Mingyu…”
He can never see Kim Mingyu again.
It’s what’s best for the mortal.
He goes down on both knees in their Lord’s throne room and begs for forgiveness.
He begs for mercy. He begs for leniency…and he begs for death.
The angel would rather die than take his own soulmate’s life away. He’s weak and selfish and too much of a coward to fulfill his God’s will any longer.
Their God Almighty, ever omniscient and generous, indulges his tactless request and allows him one final moment with his human.
“Kim Mingyu will live a happy life. He will have children someday. He will have a family and an abundance of love. No disease will take him until he is of old age,” his God had graciously divulged.
Jeonghan’s words echo in his head repeatedly as he lies down next to a sleeping Mingyu. Of course, his soulmate does not know that he is there with him, and it’s better for him to end it this way.
Hoshi had never wanted to become attached to this human, but fate had a different plan for him. He loves Kim Mingyu with all his heart, but they’re just not meant to be.
He doesn’t want to face the pain of that reality any longer.
“If I can’t be with you, I don’t want to live without you,” Hoshi whispers into the night. “I love you, Kim Mingyu.”
He slips away for one final time and vanishes before the mortal can rouse from his slumber.
It’s been three years since he last saw his angel, but Mingyu does not stop waiting for him to come back. He has never fallen so deeply in love with anyone ever before, and no one else will ever measure up to the grandeur and beauty of his angel.
Why would his angel hurt him like this?
His body had grown stronger over the years, but his heart has turned weak and fragile. His soul yearns to seen his angel, and he is turning feebler as the years go by.
He doesn’t dare to take his own life again, because Mingyu knows his angel would get very upset with him. So he waits and waits.
And when he tires of waiting, he cries and pleads to the heavens to reunited with his angel.
He keeps waiting again even though no one answers his prayers.
He is never done waiting and does not ever want to stop, because Hoshi is his one true love, and Mingyu will wait for him for as long as he lives.
One cold and lonely night, an angel with black wings and dark robes appears before him.
But this angel is blond and gangly and so different from his own angel. He’s drunk and hunched over his dining room table, and he thinks that maybe it’s the alcohol messing with his mind. Whether the winged creature is a figment of his imagination or not, Mingyu doesn’t really care because it's not Hoshi.
Of all the angels he could have seen, why couldn’t it have been the angel he’s been longing for?
So he ignores the angelic being from above with a scowl and closes his lips around his fifth bottle of soju.
The blond angel glowers at him and angrily swipes the liquor out of his hands. “I’ve had enough of you and your disregard for your own life! Stop drinking! Hoshi is dead! You’re never going to see him again!”
Mingyu rushes to his feet, eyes burning with shock and anger. “No!”
He tries to charge at the blond angel, but he drunkenly topples to the floor instead.
“No…No…No…No, no, no…” Mingyu trembles in a heap on the ground, tears in his eyes. He glares at the intruder, shaking his head almost violently. “My angel is not dead! Hoshi…Hoshi is not dead!”
The angel somberly kneels next to him. “He’s been dead for years, Kim Mingyu. That is the truth you cannot reject.”
He can’t accept it. He’s been waiting for so long. He’s lived in pain for so long. He doesn’t want to accept those words, but…but now he has an answer. Now he knows why his angel never returned to him.
It stings so badly. His heart can’t take it. It feels as though he’d been stabbed right through the chest.
“Let me die…please just let me die…” the mortal beseeches in between sobs. Without his angel, he’s already dead inside. What difference would it make to be physically dead as well?
“I can’t do that,” the blond replies, gently laying a hand on Mingyu’s head.
Crystalline tears run down his cheeks, and he dares to ask, “What happened to him?”
“He chose to cease his existence. Only our god knows what had happened to his ethereal essence. All that’s left of him is inside of you.”
“In…I-Inside of me?” Mingyu stutters in bewilderment. “What? W-What are you…What are you talking about?”
“He’s your soul mate. You have half of him in you,” the angel explains with a sad smile. “I couldn’t watch you squander your life away any longer, so I came down here to tell you the truth. My God will punish me for this, but I don’t care. I’d rather be flogged than let you kill what’s left of Hoshi with your drunken stupors. Don’t waste your life, human, because you would also be wasting Hoshi’s life. Be happy that you’re alive, and live to the fullest, Kim Mingyu.”
Seventeen years later…
“I think you’re going to like this one, Mingyu,” Hansol says, beaming as they go through a specific application for their university’s medical program. “Already served his two years in the military, and he was under the Flying Tiger division for Special Forces just like you were!”
Mingyu doesn’t bat an eye. He’s been head of the admission committee for almost a decade, and he expects much more from the top 10 candidates they're interview for the fall semester. “He’s going to need a lot more than military experience to get into Yonsei.”
“He wrote an impeccable essay on why he wants to specialize in Pulmonology. Even Minghao was impressed!” Seungkwan, sitting on his left, adds exuberantly.
Mingyu raises a brow. “Sob story about his mother having lung fibrosis?”
“Ha! Not this one,” Seungkwan chortles. “He said he wants to tell patients, ‘No, you’re not dying! You’re just out of shape!’.”
“And that’s supposed to impress me?”
They are interrupted by Mingyu’s secretary knocking on the door. The pink-haired female pops her head in before they can acknowledge her.
“Kwon Soonyoung is here. Should I let him in now?” Ryujin queries.
“Yes, that’s fine,” Mingyu responds, slightly irked but thankful that she’s good at her job or else he’d have to fire her. He certainly didn’t need another complaint from his boss for dismissing yet another secretary.
He leans back into his seat, head tilted back as he watches a tall boy with familiar slanted eyes and chubby cheeks enter the room. When the realization hits him, Mingyu gapes in disbelief.
Time stops and so does his breathing.
He feels his eyes water and his lips curl, as the boy sweetly smiles back at him and dramatically introduces himself.
“Good morning, gentlemen! My name is Kwon Soonyoung, and I’m about to take your breath away!”
THE END