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The night air was cool and the sky was dotted with a million stars. Part of living so far from the rest of the world meant there was no light pollution so it was all up there. Every star, every planet. Everything. Some nights, Sean would lay out by the river and look for all the constellations and shapes he could remember. The Big Dipper, Orion’s Belt… and that was pretty much the extent of his constellation knowledge. Mostly, he just liked watching the clouds move slowly across the sky and listen to the water lap against the shore at his feet. He felt peace there. Peace in a world that had become nothing but pure chaos.
Daniel would join him, sometimes, if he was bored. But, before long, he would get up and find his way back to camp looking for something else to do. Kids, man. They never sit still. And Sean didn’t mind that. After all, it’s hard to find alone time when you’re surrounded by people all day and night. Especially when those people have no understanding of boundaries.
Sean picked up a rock and tossed it into the river. He was never a good skipper so the rock just made a loud thunk sound and disappeared into the water.
“Wow,” came a voice from behind him. “That was terrible!”
Sean turned to find Finn walking up behind him. “What?” Sean asked.
Finn pointed to river. He was carrying what looked like two beer bottles, both opened. “That throw? Just awful, man.” He laughed and sat down next to Sean and handed him one of his beers. “Personal record’s five skips,” he boasted with a wink.
Sean smiled. Over the past few months, he and Finn had become pretty close. Part of him felt like he’d been waiting for Finn to show up. “They should send you to the Olympics!”
Finn clinked his bottle off Sean’s. “Oh, I tried but I failed the drug test.” That made Sean laugh. “Jokes on them! I could’ve brought home so much gold it would’ve been embarrassing!” He took a sip of his beer. “So watcha doin’ out here?”
Sean shrugged. “Just looking at the sky, I guess.”
“At anything in particular?” asked Finn.
“The stars and the clouds. The moon. It’s relaxing.”
Finn’s mouth widened into a big smile. “You’re so cool, Sean Diaz.”
Sean scoffed. “Because I look at clouds?”
“Nah,” Finn said, shaking his head. “Because you’re a dreamer. Here, lay down.” He set his beer down next to him and lowered onto the rocks. Sean followed. “Now,” he began, pointing to one of the clouds drifting above them. “Tell me what you see in that one.”
High above them, Sean found the cloud Finn singled out. It was large with wisps coming off of two sides. “I see a bird. Getting ready to fly away.”
“Interesting interpretation,” Finn replied. “I think I see it!”
“Your turn,” said Sean, pointing at another cloud. “What do you see in that one?”
“That one?” Finn asked. He thought for a moment. “I see a wolf and a cub.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Mmhmm. The wolf is protecting the cub. Doing a good job of it, too. Giving everything he’s got to the cub.”
“You’re getting all of this from a cloud?” Sean interrupted, sitting up.
“Yes. And I’ve got more.” Finn put his hand on Sean’s arm, lowering him back down onto the rocks. “You see, the wolf is really good at acting tough for his cub. But the wolf and his cub? They have friends and they can see through the wolf’s act. See the weight that the wolf is carryin’.”
Sean was silent for a moment and sat back up.
“You don’t have to pretend around me, Sean,” he said gently, rising beside him. “You can talk to me. Unload all your troubles.” There was a softness to Finn. It’s what made him so easy to like. So easy to talk to.
“I know, Finn. Thanks.” Sean took another sip of his beer. “I guess… I guess I don’t know what I’m doing. What we’re doing. Me and Daniel.”
“My advice?” Finn began. “Take it one day at a time. You’ve been through a lot, Sean. You both have. So, nights like this? Bask in them.”
Sean smiled. “Yeah. I’ll try.”
Finn wrapped an arm around Sean’s shoulders. “I know it’s not much but you have a family here and we’ll always support you. And Daniel.”
“I know,” said Sean. “I don’t know what we would’ve done if we hadn’t found you guys.”
Finn made a face. “Perish the thought, man! I can’t imagine life without you, now!”
They laughed. Finn was always good at making Sean laugh. Making him feel… comfortable. Sean looked at Finn. He was close. Really close. As the laughter died, he could feel a stirring in his stomach and a sudden burst of heat start to spread across his face. Finn’s arm was still on around his shoulders. Light, but warm against the cool night air. It felt good. Finn began to lean in, their faces centimeters apart.
“Finn,” Sean said quickly, turning away.
Finn removed his arm. “Sorry! Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
“No, no. It’s okay. It’s just…” It’s just what? Sean didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know why he pulled away. Maybe this was too new. He knew he was feeling something for Finn. Something he’d never felt before. “I’ve never… kissed a… guy before.”
“Have you kissed a girl?” asked Finn.
“Yes.”
Finn smiled. “Then I have good news for you, Sean. It’s exactly the same!”
Sean didn’t know what to say next. His stomach was in knots and every inch of him was tense. He had never been this nervous. Finn must have noticed because he put his arm back around Sean’s shoulders. With his other hand he turned Sean’s face toward him, leaned in, and kissed him. His lips were soft and tasted of the beer they’d been drinking. When Finn began to pull away, Sean reached out and pulled him back for one more kiss and let him go.
“See?” Finn whispered. “Told you.”
“Thank you.” Sean whispered back.
“For what?” Finn asked, confused.
“For being a light in the darkness.” Sean could feel tears start to form and pushed them back as well as he could. “There’s so much fucking uncertainty right now. So much shit I’m not prepared for. That Daniel’s not prepared for. Honestly, I thought I’d never laugh again. Or feel safe.” Sean turned away for this part. “You make me feel safe, Finn. And you make me laugh every day. You make me feel like everything is going to be alright.”
Finn wrapped his other arm around Sean. “Everything will be alright, Sean. I promise. And I promise I’ll always be here for you. I love you, Sean.”
“I… I love you, too, Finn.”
Together, under the moon and stars, they sat. Drinking beers, telling jokes, and being present in each other’s company. And, for the first time in months, Sean had hope in what tomorrow will bring because he knew he wouldn’t face it alone.