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Hiei knows that he has been wrong. In more ways than one, he can pinpoint his errors in judgement and where he might have taken a few missteps in the past that could have led to Kurama being like this. Yet, he also knows that he isn’t the root cause of Kurama’s current state and despite himself, his heart aches for the fox. He tells himself to be strong for Kurama but there is no amount of strength that can protect the fox from the thoughts which keep him just lying there. Although Hiei knows that Kurama is capable of exhaustion, there is something wrong about the fox when he’s like this.
Sullen, quiet, devoid of the natural life and cheer that seemed to come so naturally to him. The person that Hiei had been confused by and undeniably attracted to because of how different they were. But like this, with his scars laid bare, Kurama never seemed more like him and it burned him to admit. The fox hadn’t noticed him when he entered the room, his silence is deafening, not the quiet calm that Hiei had grown accustomed to. There are no lights on, his things are tucked away neatly but there is a disarray. It’s centered in the man lying on his bed motionless, his arm covering his eyes and the only sign that he was alive being the slow rise and fall of his chest.
Even that isn’t enough for Hiei and as he crosses the room, shedding his boots, sword, cloak and his ward, Kurama does not stir until he is close enough to his bedside. There is a silence and Hiei wonders what to do next. His fingers slowly uncurl then curl into fists and he turns on his heel, sitting with his back against the bed and his legs crossed. It wasn’t as close as he wanted to be to Kurama but he knew better than to reach for the fox. He needed his space and loathe as Hiei was to let him suffer, he told himself that he was close enough to help.
And yet that isn’t enough .
Closing his eyes, Hiei took a deep breath but it only stoked the flames in his heart as he exhaled and stared forward resolutely. “I’m not him, Kurama,” he said slowly, his gaze dropped to his hands as they rested in his lap. “But I am still here.”
There is no reply and he doesn’t expect there to be. He doesn’t feel hurt, he doesn’t feel much aside from the pain that he feels his partner must be experiencing. But one of them has to be strong, if they fell apart then they’d fall together but not like this. Kurama needed him and he would be there for him.
“If you ask me to, I will stay.”
The words permeate the air, solidify, and take effect because his ears pick up the subtle rustle of Kurama’s sleeve and his movements on the bed. Warm arms envelop his neck, wrapping around his shoulders and from the corner of his eye, he can see red tresses filling his vision. There are no words and he is content with just this, the flame in his heart smoldering as he reaches up to hold onto the fox’s forearm, ignoring the dampness of his sleeve and shutting his eyes tightly.
“I’m here, Kurama,” he sighs, remaining still.
He knows that Kuronue haunts Kurama’s memories. He recognizes Kuronue’s place in the fox’s heart and the place he held within his past. And distantly, he wished upon a time that he could have met the fox’s former partner. Thanked him for helping Kurama as much as he did, thank him for laying down his life for him so that Hiei had a chance to meet the fox himself. And curse him although Hiei had a feeling that the both of them would have known there was nothing for it. This just was who Kurama was, there was nothing else for it. But it didn’t lessen the hurt.
“Don’t leave,” Kurama said, his voice soft and muffled, rough with disuse.
How long has it been since you said anything?
Hiei shifted slightly, resting his head against Kurama’s and squeezing his forearm again. “Why would I when you’re here? We go together or not at all.”
Talk to me, I am here for you, I will protect you.
From the corner of his eye, Hiei noticed the fox’s fingers curling and his nails digging into the side of his arms. He sighed and reached up to brush his fingers against Kurama’s, tilting his head away to kiss the fox’s knuckles
“You’re going to hurt yourself,” he reminded softly.
The grip loosened and Hiei sat with his head resting against Kurama’s for a moment, letting the silence fill the space between them. Idly, he ran his fingers up and down the fox’s arm, pressing the occasional kiss to the side of his head or his fingers before breaking the silence.
“Do you want me to hold you?”
There’s no immediate answer to his question but he feels the nod and his eyes slip shut with a light tap to Kurama’s arm.
“You have to let me go for a moment,” he says, his voice a soft whisper as he says, “I won’t go far.”
There’s a beat of hesitation before Kurama’s arms slowly ease from his neck and he sits up. Hiei slowly standing up and making sure that he doesn’t move too far, turning to look at him and his heart plummeted into his stomach. Eyes growing wide at the look on his partner’s face, his lips trembled before he frowned and reached out to hold his face in his hands. There’s a dullness to the fox’s eyes, the sclera puffy as is his face. Hiei knew that he smelt the salt, knew that the fox has been crying but he says nothing. Joining him on the bed, he kneels and leans down to press a kiss to his forehead then another to his eyes before wrapping his arms around him.
Kurama presses closer to his touch and wraps his arms around him, returning the hold, and they stay like that for a moment longer before sinking down to lie on their sides. Hiei wrapping his arms around his torso and his forehead pressed against his, content to breathe the same air as him.
“Do you want me to talk?”
Dull green eyes meet his own, half-lidded as Kurama leaned closer to nuzzle him. “...I would prefer it.”
Hiei closed his eyes briefly, muttering softly, “I don’t think less of you.. For crying or being upset.”
“You don’t?”
Hiei sighed. He might value strength, he might not accept vulnerability form himself, but Kurama had no reason to be ashamed. He had every right to feel . And Hiei would never allow the fox to shame himself in his presence.
His hand wandered from Kurama’s back up his side to palm his cheek, quietly wiping away the tear streaks that hadn’t tried.
“I do not,” Hiei said, opening his eyes.
Kurama with his eyes closed, face puffy and miserable , he hated this but willed himself to continue talking.
“You are my rose.”
And he was. Beautiful, dangerous, appealing to the eye but with thorns that could pierce him at any time. There was a mystery and an appealing nature to him and Hiei wanted him thorns an all. While others might’ve been content to only admire the rose and others wanted the power that the thorns held, Hiei wanted Kurama, and with him in his arms --- he wouldn’t let him go. Not if he wanted him to stay.
Kurama’s fingers curled in his tanktop and tugged and Hiei could feel the light scratch of blunt nails against his skin.
“You are…” Kurama breathed, his voice wavering and breaking . “My everything .”
Hiei’s eyes widened and his heart clenched. Every moment, every fight that he’d flung himself into, every half-assed banter where the fox seemed to only be chiding him but might have been worried crossed his mind. Kurama had lost one partner to circumstances out of his control but Hiei knew that he threw himself into fights with abandon. Wanting to prove himself. When the man he loved was —
“I’m sorry,” Hiei said before he could finish the thought. “I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have disregarded how much my life meant to you.”
Kurama swallowed thickly and Hiei felt the regret twist his insides.
“It is…” Kurama hesitated, his lips pressed together and he frowns. “The only regret I have. If it were to be your fate, I would not survive nor would I want to.”
The thought crosses his mind. Kurama being torn away from him and no matter how much he reached. No matter what power he attained. He wouldn’t be able to bring the fox back without a sacrifice insurmountable. One that would shatter the very foundation of who he is.
Opening his mouth, Hiei felt like he understood. Kurama’s plight, the very thing that he mocked him for when under the control of the Sword — his feelings for his human mother. It was the same.
“If it meant saving your life, I would have used Forlorn Hope.”
Kurama’s eyes shot open and Hiei looked on quietly as he pulled away to look at his face, the hands holding him tightening their hold. It was painful but it was worth it for the fox to know that he meant this. He meant that he would go to the end of the line, that he would give his life it meant Kurama would live.
“You can’t mean that.”
For a second, Kurama looked like his old self. Worried for Hiei’s well-being, trying to remind him in subtle displays that he is worth something. Worth caring for. Worth living. It warms him, makes him almost want to smile, but he cannot. Kurama’s fingers ghost across his skin, shivers running down his spine as his fingers brush against his cheek.
“Hiei,” he calls and it’s a siren’s song that almost spurs him to take it back but he can’t.
That would be a lie and he would never lie to him.
“Don’t make me lie to you, Kurama.”
The fox’s palm is warm against his cheek, soft and comforting, he leans into the touch as his thumb runs along his cheek.
“It would be a foolish sacrifice,” Kurama mutters. “Seeing as I’d be right behind you…”
“You wouldn’t abandon Yuusuke and Kuwabara, that isn’t like you.”
Looking at Kurama like this, he could see the seriousness in his eyes as he leant his forehead against his. Knew what the fox would say before he said it and as emerald green eyes were shuttered again, Hiei knew his answer.
“I can’t be without you.”
“You won’t have to be. I will stay if you ask me to.”
“I want you to stay.”
Leaning in, Hiei pressed a kiss to his lips. It’s bitter with the fox’s tears but soft and sweet all at once and he leans into it. Kurama returning the gesture and his hands relax against his back, the hand carressing his cheek grounding him as he ends the kiss. But it’s impossible to move far away, mumbling against his lips, a quiet promise meant for his ears alone.
“Then I’m yours.”
“Together or not at all,” Kurama nudged his head against Hiei’s. “If something happens to you, I won’t be far behind.”
Hiei chuckled and nudged him back, allowing a smile. “I love you too.”
Then like a flower blooming, Kurama smiles and the light returns to his eyes albeit barely, it is a glimmer and that is enough. Hiei pulling back one of his hands to palm his cheek and run his thumb beneath his eyes. “There it is…” He said with barely kept glee, unable to stop himself from smiling wide.
Kurama leaning into his touch is all that he needs and more, but the apology in his voice as he mutters, “I apologize for worrying you.” twists his heart.
“You don’t have to apologize. You were upset,” Hiei insists, shifting to press a kiss to his forehead. “That aside, taking care of you isn’t a burden.”
His lips brush across his cheek and Kurama turns his head to press their lips together, the kiss gentle and distracting. The fox pulling away before Hiei can bring him closer and he smiles, nuzzling him with a smile. “And there it is again…”
“Enjoy having me smile?” Kurama said, the amusement lilting his words and Hiei chuckles.
“I find joy in your happiness..”
That earns him another kiss and black tinges the edges of his sight. He can feel the Dragon’s pull and leans into the kisses.
“We both do…” He sighs.
Kurama doesn’t move far from him, their lips still brushing against one another when he mumbles, “Thank you.. Both of you. This is far more than I ever imagined I deserved.”
There are many things Hiei would have loved to say in rebuttal to that but he can only think of one.
“We will have to agree to disagree..”
The Dragon rises upon him, spurring him to wrap his arms around Kurama and hug him close, their voices overlapping with the Dragon’s deep timbre meshing with his own. “We believe you deserve the world.”
Kurama curls close to him and Hiei shuts his eyes.
“I love you both.”
The mark on his arm feels warm and so does his heart, the answer clear even through his teeth.
“We love you as well, Kurama.”