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The light rain fell gently on the calm water of the lake and droplets formed on the downcast lashes of the man in a trench coat kneeling on the wooden jetty. How fitting that it was raining, the dreary atmosphere gave Castiel the privacy he craved since he’d learned of Dean’s death. Nothing seemed to have changed from Dean’s memory of the place he’d dreamed about the night Castiel had walked into his dream. Only in place of tranquility there was a roaring emptiness, a hollow spot right at the edge of the jetty.
Sam had screamed at him, the ‘all powerful being’ he was had cowered under the Winchester’s onslaught, he’d managed nothing but a whispered apology and fled, diminishing his grace further searching for this spot which had meant something to Dean. Cas forgave Sam, the loss was a brutal blow to the man and the pain in Sam’s eyes flashed in his mind as he’d fallen hard to his knees sobbing.
Within his grace started to rip itself apart, tearing pieces of his true form apart like spiderwebs in a gale, soon it would start to break his vessel. The pain was enough to kill a human instantly and offer sweet release, it was enough make even the strongest angel cry out for mercy, but Castiel remained silent, staring at the lake as the drops became heavier and mingled with his tears. The grief of losing the man he loved numbed him to his very core.
The furious battle clawed at Castiel’s insides, the remaining grace searing though human tissue, bones and muscles starting to crack under the heavenly pressure. Castiel threw his head back completely overwhelmed by the misery which had befallen him, “DEAN!” he hollered out to the open water as his body began to shake and grace began to leak from his mouth.
"You called, Cas."
The beautiful man stood before Castiel, on the very edge of the jetty where a fisherman seeking peace might set up a chair. He clicked his fingers, the pain within Cas stopped instantly and it blew the breath from him. Still kneeling he cocked his head to the side, eyes crinkling in confusion at the dangerous smirk Dean wore on his lips.
"Dean?… how…?"
The smirk turned even more threatening as the green eyes Cas knew so well disappeared behind obsidian.
Cas pounded his fists on the jetty and let out a roar of rage as the demon walked slowly towards him.
The world around Castiel shifted until the rain stopped peppering his face and under his knees he felt cold stone. He let Dean take hold of his wrists and chain them to the wall behind him, the whole time trying not to retch at Dean’s sulphurous reek. The skin on Castiel’s hands and wrists tingled slightly wherever Dean touched him and the dying grace which Dean had suppressed within Castiel pulsed pathetically in the close proximity of a demon. Cas could feel the hold Dean had over the grace like a vice pressing down, holding the explosions at bay, and as it soothed the scarred cavity where his grace had once shone brightly, it felt like Dean was helping ease the pain.
The demon backed away from the chained up angel, admiring his work with a hungry smile, “I think we’re going to have a lot of fun.”
Cas screwed his eyes closed, anticipating the pain, but ready for it, nothing could ever hurt more than the vision of those emerald green eyes sliding into obsidian.
"OPEN YOUR EYES ANGEL."
Dean’s voice rippled with ferocity and power and Castiel’s eyes flew helplessly open.
"That’s better. Now, I have a proposition for you Cas, I want you to join me in taking down this whole god forsaken place and all the others too. I’m talkin’ hell, heaven, purgatory, earth, let’s burn them all to ashes. You and me, what do you say?"
Cas held the demon’s gaze, searching vainly for the spark of life he knew so well. “No.”
Dean’s eyes flashed to black for a second as he lowered his brows in confusion. “What do you mean no? This world hasn’t been fair to either of us, out of everyone we have the right to take all these sons of bitches down. And you get what you want, what you desire most of all. Me.”
A smile crept smoothly across Dean’s lips, full of danger and his eyes filled with heat as he held his arms out to either side, showing off his body, “you want me angel.”
Cas shook his head desperately, trying do drive out the traitorous thoughts of how tempted he actually was. “No. I want Dean. I need Dean. I… I lo-“
The demon rushed towards Cas, gripping it’s crotch obscenely as it leaned in towards the angel and whispered hotly against his face, “oh I’m Dean in all the right places.” The demon licked a burning trail up the side of Cas’s face. Dean was so close that Cas could count the freckles on the man’s face, the green eyes dark, not with obsidian but with painfully human lust traced over Castiel’s face and he felt vulnerable under the stare. But he couldn’t take his eyes off the green ones, as he noticed a flash of something, tiny and almost imperceptible, of Dean, his Dean. It was enough to let hope flare through his body and he had to grip the chains tightly to stop a scream of delight from ripping through him. They could fix this.
The demon took half a step away from Cas, and raised a hand to rest on Castiel’s cheek, the tingles blossoming again as if the demon were stroking a slap, “think about my offer Cas.”
And then he was gone, leaving Cas to slump against the wall, his mind a battle ground for misery and belief. He took a calming breath, cleared his mind and started to strategise a plan, every so often he’d remember that flash of Dean he had seen in the demon’s eyes and he’d smile softly to himself in the darkness.
"Join me."
“No.”
“Join me.”
“No.”
“Join.”
“No.”
“Me.”
“… … no.”
Blood oozed down Castiel’s sweat slicked skin from where Dean’s skilful blade had tenderly cut into the soft flesh. Time no longer held any meaning for Cas, all the angel knew was the sharp cut of the blade and the empty, green eyes which followed every bloody mark. Castiel had not screamed, he would not give the demon that courtesy, but the demon knew every trick that Dean knew from his time in hell and it had smiled in victory the first time Cas let out a terrible howl.
The demon was spurred on by the reaction, and worked even more furiously at its torture, but soon it began to slow down. With every howl of agony, the demon seemed to hesitate more until finally the sound of the knife clattering to the ground assaulted Castiel’s ears.
Cas raised his head weakly, eyes blurred by tears and sweat, and looked into Dean’s face. Dean was staring at Castiel’s ruined body with horror, eyes wide in disbelief and shock.
“Dean…” Castiel breathed.
Dean shivered as if waking from a dream and turned his head towards Castiel’s face, eyes obsidian. The awful grin that the demon hastily plastered on its face was crooked.
“All this torturing, thirsty work. What about I go get us some beers angel, then we can start right back where we left off.”
The demon reached down to pick up the dropped blade and ran its finger around the point, coating its finger in bright red blood.
"I can’t wait to play again, can you Cas?"
“Bite me.”
The demon’s eyes widened in delight as he let out a dark chuckle,
“let’s save that kind of talk for when you’ve agreed to work with me.”
Dean disappeared, then reappeared an instant later holding a case of beers. Cas licked his dry lips as rivulets of cool condensation formed on the glass. The demon opened one and took a long drink from it, then he gently held the bottle to Castiel’s lips and slowly tipped the cold liquid into his mouth. The cold beer washed down the angel’s throat with a soothing relief better than any grace of God and Cas let out a sigh of appreciation.
"Why?" Castiel asked with his eyes closed.
“Why what?”
“Why do you need me?”
Castiel heard the smash of the bottle as Dean’s fingers crushed the glass in fury. The demon’s brows darkened,
“Need you? I don’t need you. You’re nothing, a baby in a trench coat. I’m all powerful.”
Dean spat into Castiel’s face, but he stepped back and brought his fists to his temples with his eyes screwed shut. Dean sank to his knees, almost sobbing and cried,
“because something in my head is screaming that it wants you alive, it wants you unharmed, that it just wants you and it won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
The demon was hitting itself in the head , fighting furiously with itself as Castiel looked on in complete helplessness. It suddenly stopped and set it’s gaze on Castiel, eyes black and cold and deadly,
“I’ll be back angel.”
Dean disappeared once more.
Castiel’s body spasmed as it tried to heal itself with his pathetic reserves of grace. Breathing deeply he stopped the healing process with a sob as the pain intensified without the holy buffer.
The spasms subsided and Cas slumped against the wall at his back, the chains holding him prisoner ate into his skin. The once great strategist of heaven’s armies glared furiously at the bloody floor at his feet as burning tears fell heavily to the ground. The betrayal of his own mind cut him deeper than any demon’s blade ever could, his guilt of failing Dean crushed any semblance of an escape plan. All he had were the flickering flashes of life he’d seen deep in the demon’s eyes and the knowledge that some part of the twisted soul was still his Dean, but he still had faith in the human. He licked his lips, still cool from the bottle, he also still had the faint taste of beer which tasted more hopeful than he could possibly of imagined.
Castiel clung desperately to the memory of soft green eyes as the demon kept it’s eyes obsidian almost permanently, but the extra twists of the knife burned away the memories. Some moments he had to bite down on his tongue to stop himself crying out an acceptance to whatever the demon wanted, but a part of Castiel’s mind still battled on.
"Dean… Dean…"
The word fell awkwardly from Castiel’s lips like a child learning a new language, but the word offered a mysterious relief to his pains. The demon removed the scorching blade from Castiel’s insides and the angel’s wits snapped back into place along with his determination to save his Dean.
"Why do this to yourself angel?"
The demon had taken several steps away from Cas to clean the blade.
"Dean is still in there."
"You keep saying that."
"He is."
The demon thumped the blade down hard onto a blood stained table by his side and glared at Castiel.
'Will it make you feel better knowing that some part of the Dean you knew is in here?”
"I can still save him, I can-"
He rushed towards Cas but stopped about a pace away, face split by a leering grin which turned the handsome features of Dean’s face ugly.
"You’re a fucking fool Cas. Part of me is still that pathetic little human sure, but guess what… he has the best seat in the house for our little show. You think your screams are bad, oh you should hear him every time I cut into you angel, it’s like a fucking symphony in my head."
The demon took another half step closer to Castiel, leaned towards him and said in a low, dangerous tone laced with heat,
"I can feel it you know, feel his consciousness like a half-forgotten song demanding to be remembered. And what a sweet tune he plays, the constant guilt, wow I don’t even need to torture any other souls, I can just feed off the self-loathing going on inside my own twisted soul. The rush I get every time I push that blade into you, it’s… it’s almost overwhelming…"
Dean’s face was flushed and his eyes flashed madly between black and green.
"It’s nothing compared to the rush I get when I do this,"
the demon quickly closed the short distance between him and Castiel and pressed his body forcefully against the angel’s. He took Castiel’s face in his hands and licked a burning trail from Castiel’s jawbone to his temple. Dean brought his lips to Castiel’s ear and whispered hotly,
"oh the worthlessness. It’s like a drug."
The demon took a step back and swung it’s arms out by it’s sides in an easy motion,
"so yes, your precious Dean is in here, but I’d like to see what kind of man he’d turn out to be if you ever do get him back. And another thing angel, you forget, I’m Dean too, just a little…"
The demon grinned down at Castiel with a smirk that was painfully Dean-like and moved his face closer to the angel’s again,
"… more fun."
Castiel glared at the demon and bared his teeth.
"I still won’t give up, that man means everything to me."
The demon seemed stunned for a moment and Castiel reacted instinctively, he pushed himself forwards using the chains holding him to the wall as leverage, and crushed his mouth onto Dean’s. The acrid taste of sulphur swamped his senses but underneath was definitely a sweetness that played with Castiel’s lips. Dean broke away and reached a hand up to softly caress his own lips, the green eyes were bright with wonder as he raised them to stare into Castiel’s eyes.
"Ca-Cas…"
Dean whispered with a sob.
Flying amongst the loftiest clouds had not filled Castiel with the as much exhilaration as seeing those perfect green eyes stare back at him with a glint of life.
"Hello Dean",
Cas said through a warm smile.
The change struck Cas like a whiplash as Dean’s eyes changed from green to obsidian and a terrible laugh broke out of it’s mouth.
"You really… you really thought that cliche… shit was going to work?"
The demon was doubled over, laughing too loudly and wiping non-existent tears from it’s eyes, suddenly it had it’s hand around Castiel’s neck in a vice like grip.
"You are a fool Cas",
the demon said, then fixed Cas with a look that was brimming with contempt and all trace of Castiel’s Dean vanished completely.
The heat was an unbearable force which scorched it’s way through every plain of Castiel’s existence, be it immeasurable celestial waves or weak human cells. The stolen grace once again collapsing in on itself and releasing pulses of energy with increasing ferocity. Castiel could only clench his jaw and pull pathetically at the chains which held his wrists. The immense power contained within him throbbed menacingly with each feeble attempt he made at pulling the chains free from the wall. He started to breath heavily, unable to stifle the panic as the pain increased further than the demon had ever let it before, and still Dean did not show.
The shape of Dean appeared abruptly in front of Castiel accompanied by a loud, wrecked wail. Dean screamed again and kicked at the table which rattled all his torturing tools which covered it, he was breathing heavily. Dean’s shoulders moved up and down quickly with each laboured breath as he slowly raised his tear stained face up to the angel.
"I almost killed Sam."
Dean’s voice was so soft that even angelic ears struggled to hear each word, but Cas did hear him. And he also heard the wretchedness and hopelessness which Dean had laced deep into that sentence.Dean started pacing in front of Cas as the room started to spin in Castiel’s eyes and his skin prickled just beneath the surface.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid, so fucking stupid. What have I done Cas…"
The demon clawed frantically at it’s head, pulling at hair and scraping at it’s scalp. Castiel’s imminent destruction was forgotten for a moment as his mind was consumed by the very human breakdown happening in front of him. Tears spilled from the green eyes as Dean walked closer to Cas and rested his forehead against Castiel’s own forehead.
"I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up Cas, I didn’t think I could ever make things this bad though."
He raised a hand and placed it gently on the chains which held Castiel’s left hand, at Dean’s touch both wrists were freed from the wall. Castiel pressed his forehead more firmly against Dean’s. The demon sighed sadly and took a step back. Castiel rubbed at his raw wrists but kept his eyes on the demon.
"What are you still doing here Cas?"
"you’re going to try to kill yourself."
"And?"
"And I’m not going to let you die, at least not without me."
"You’re a stubborn son of a bitch you know that."
A faint smile played at Castiel’s mouth but Dean glowered at the angel.
"Cas you don’t have to die, go live, look after bees, whatever-"
"and die a week later alone with my bees when my grace finally burns out?"
Dean’s face fell. Castiel took a few small, unstable steps towards Dean and reached his hand out. The grace was burning Castiel away atom by atom but the angel didn’t care as the demon took hold of his offered hand with a cheeky smirk that was all his human. Dean pulled Castiel into a hug and they stood with their heads resting on each others shoulders, delighting in the contact. Castiel felt at complete peace with Dean’s arms around him, clinging to him tightly. The burning grace within him receded rapidly like an elastic band snapping back into place, leaving behind it’s scorched path of destruction. Castiel breathed deeply in relief at the sudden respite from the pain and gripped tighter onto Dean.
The sudden explosion tore through Castiel’s angelic form with the force of a sun, expanding outwards with a wall of fire and ripping him apart with so much speed and ferocity that his human form barely had time to open his mouth and scream.
Castiel wanted to push Dean away from him, protect him from the explosion but Dean balled his fists into the back of Castiel’s jacket and clenched his arms tighter around the man. A sharp blue light started to shine brightly from Castiel’s skin, but as it struck Dean the light flickered and changed to an angry red. Dean screamed and sank to his knees, pulling Cas down with him. The heat and the light enveloped them both and blew apart the room they were kneeling in, flames poured from the two kneeling men and decimated everything surrounding them, still they clung to each other riding the agony together.
Eventually the light flickered and died, around them the room sizzled. Castiel was stunned, he felt completely empty inside, but he also felt remarkably alive. Dean was breathing heavily in Castiel’s ear and the sound made Castiel’s heart skip. But Dean drifted away from Castiel’s arms and fell fully to the blackened ground where he started writhing around, clutching at his lower right arm, mouth open in a silent scream.
"Dean…"
Castiel said, his voice cracking. Dean continued to flail painfully on the ground but steadily he grew stiller and his panting lessened to more regular breathing. Castiel shuffled on his knees closer to Dean who was gazing up at Cas with pain filled eyes. Slowly Dean removed his left hand from his right arm. Where the Mark of Cain had been was an ugly mess of charred skin, the glistening white of bone could be seen though the wrecked tissue.
"Dean",
Cas said again, reaching a hand out to press tenderly against Dean’s sweat soaked forehead as Dean suppressed a whimper by clenching his jaw. Castiel longed to heal the arm but he was completely empty of power, he was human.
"H-how?"
Dean managed to stutter out, Castiel only shrugged down at him and Dean grimaced at him with a bewildered shake of his head.
"How do you feel Dean?"
"Like I just rolled my way across a fire walk".
Castiel stared down at Dean with a steely glare.
"I uh, I feel human Cas, I think I’m human again."
Castiel’s steely eyes softened as he smiled warmly down to Dean.
"Good."
Castiel helped Dean to make their way to one of the several vehicles Dean had stolen for fun when he’d had the mark. Most of the cars and a large truck were wrecked from the blast, but they managed to get one working. All this they did in silence, only sharing small glances. Cas drove as Dean’s arm still hurt,
"where we going Cas?"
"The map says there is a hospital only 5 miles away."
"I don’t need a hospital."
Castiel gave Dean a frown heavy with judgment but Dean didn’t back down.
"Please Cas, I just don’t want a hospital."
Cas sighed but nodded his head,
"I understand Dean, then we’ll go see Sam immediately."
Dean smiled silently at Castiel then leaned back and got himself comfortable in the car seat.
Almost an hour had passed in comfortable silence when Dean perked up.
"Whoa pull into the side Cas. Stop the car."
Castiel did as he was instructed, brimming with curiosity. As soon as the car was stopped Dean got out and inclined his head for Cas to follow him through some trees. The sun was low on the horizon, covering everything in a warm, golden glow and the picture perfect white clouds drifted lazily in the slowly darkening sky. Castiel’s steps quickened to catch up with Dean as he realised where they were. The lake stretched out before them, the golden sunlight reflecting on the calm surface. They made their down to the end of the wooden jetty where days ago, or weeks Castiel was still unclear on time, Cas had picked that spot as the perfect place to die in. The place which had been a source of tranquility for Dean.
The two men’s eyes scanned the calm waters as they stood soaking up the last rays of the sun, they turned to stare at each other. Silently they walked back to the car, hand in hand, both smiling brightly, if a little weary.