Work Text:
You were not ignorant of anything. In the little time you were able to spend with the members of the RFA, you have been given clues about the former mistress who used to run the association. The former mistress who, according to them, died due to suicide. You were not able to meet her in person but you’ve been given photos of her to look at while she was still alive.
They said her name was Rika.
What a beautiful name. What an even more beautiful personality. She made the organization to distribute and bring happiness for everyone. They said she’s engaged to be married to the current acting President, V. You wondered how was he able to cope up with her death?
You knew that Yoosung, Rika’s cousin was still mourning. It’s a given. He said they’ve been close since he was young. Everybody in the association admired and respected her and of course — in return, you did as well. With all the praises and beautiful things about her, you couldn’t help yourself but look up to her. A perfect role model. She did everything by herself, turning the RFA, which was named after her, an organization that would reflect her wishes.
Her pure, untainted hopes.
What a wonderful woman, you mused.
Yet, you found yourself as the replacement of the woman who died and left this earth. All of a sudden, just by accidentally downloading an app, you found yourself slowly become a part of something warmer than the sun — the friendship you gained with each member.
You are not ignorant. Yes, definitely, you weren’t. You are the kind of woman who knew where her boundary lies. You were not the type to go beyond or over something without carefully thinking about it.
But in the hands of love, everyone looses their own reasoning.
When someone comes into your world, suddenly your world has changed forever. This was true. As cliched as it sounds, you’ve proven this first hand. Everything happened so fast — it felt as if you weren’t even able to breathe. Somehow, you found your way to him. Somehow, you found your way to pain itself.
It’s been a month since the successful launch of the last RFA party. It’s been a month since he became your suitor and it’s been a month since he chose to leave his post as C&R International’s Director due to the controversy and scandal that rose on the day of the party itself.
You kept on scolding yourself everyday, wondering what was wrong with you. He chose you. He chose to be with you. He was always by your side. He told you that he loves you, that he was in love with you. Yet, why? Why did you feel like you are competing with something you aren’t even sure of?
You kept on playing dumb. You knew why. You knew the very exact reason why you’ve been feeling insecure and easily replaced. You kept on telling your self that it was not his fault. That what he said was actually true. Yet, your heart constricts in pain every single time you remember it.
You could remember the feeling that very day, as if it only happened yesterday.
ZEN entered the chat room.
ZEN: MC! Hey~ Have you eaten yet?
You: Zen! Hello. Of course, I did. How about you?
Jumin Han entered the chat room.
Jumin: Don’t bother yourself with him, darling. Zen isn’t the one who’d die just by not eating a single meal.
ZEN: Are you picking a fight with me, you jerk?!
Jumin: I don’t fight with people who puts what they eat in their head and not their stomach.
ZEN: Why you little!
[huffing emoticon]
You: Now, now, don’t fight in here, okay~?
ZEN: God! Isn’t there a single day that I’d be taking a break from your asshole-ish attitude?
Jumin: And now you invent words…
You: Darling~ It’s bad to pick on people, okay?
Jumin: [smiling emoticon]
It still astounds me that I’m smiling while talking to you here despite you being by my side.
ZEN: What the heck? You’re together? Then why don’t you two talk in person!?
Seriously, MC? You’re picking up this asshole’s weird disease!
MC: Well, it’s kind of exciting, isn’t it~?
ZEN: [depressed emoticon]
I just don’t understand why you fell for that weirdo…
Jumin: I’m not weird.
I’m limited edition.
[smiling emoticon]
ZEN: [angry emoticon]
I swear to god! You’re not this worst before! Can you please revert back to your less creepy self when Rika was still here?!
MC! Protect yourself from his weird disease!
Jumin: Hmm… I doubt I changed. Rika told me she liked me the way I am. So I don’t find anything wrong with me.
You: Hahaha~
ZEN: Well, then she’s just being nice to you!
Jumin: You’re too old to mistake nice with being truthful. Have you ever studied properly?
ZEN: [angry emoticon]
You: Now, now, guys, relax okay? Zen, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with Jumin. He’s wonderful as he is~
Jumin: See? Rika was right. Even MC agrees with me.
If she was still here, she’d tell us exactly what you said, MC.
[smiling emoticon]
ZEN: …I can’t with you. I’m gonna go jogging.
MC, be careful, alright?
ZEN left the chat room.
Jumin: It’s getting late. Come to the kitchen, love. I’ll be waiting.
Jumin Han left the chat room.
Your eyes traveled to the man who was now making his way towards the huge kitchen of his penthouse. Something tugged your heart at what you read. You couldn’t help yourself but re-read the conversation you just had. You kept on re-reading it until you almost memorized all the words embedded on your phone’s screen.
‘Rika was right.’
Huh. Why does it sting? You blinked back when you felt something wet has formed on each corner of your eyes. Weird. It was just a small compliment towards the deceased woman. You shouldn’t be bothered with it. Jumin was just pointing out how you might have said something similar with her.
You heaved a sigh as you placed your phone on the coffee table. Your eyes blankly staring at the flat screen television on the wall. You couldn’t even comprehend what was playing in it. You outstretched your hand when you felt something hard beside you. You scrunched your forehead when you noticed it was a sleek black mobile phone.
Jumin’s mobile.
You felt your heart beat hard against your chest as you clasped the mobile phone on your hand. Your eyes slowly watched the door to the kitchen and then back at the gadget at your hand. You swallowed as you clicked the power button, your mind screaming at you that it is wrong to snoop on people’s private matters.
But your instinct was telling you to do so.
That you might find something that might answer the hidden troubles you have deep inside your heart.
That maybe, your curiosity with the RFA’s late mistress will finally be quenched.
What was her relationship with Jumin?
Before you even got to love the raven-haired man with blank metallic steel eyes, you knew that he was particularly close to both Rika and V. V, being his childhood friend and Rika being V’s fiancee. You should have just ignored it while it was still fresh. You should have kept your mouth shut and curiosity dead while it was still so early.
But your heart knew otherwise. You were very much aware that you were falling for Jumin. That everyday you spent talking to him, both in the chat room, in messages, in calls, he got to creep inside your system until you weren’t able to shake him off anymore. You completely and utterly fell under his spell.
You asked Jaehee subtly about Jumin’s relationship with Rika one day, 2 days before the party. It was the time when you were still inside his penthouse and you were disturbed in your sleep. Jaehee was online then so you sent her a private message.
And surprisingly, she told you that she thinks Jumin kind of fancied Rika before. Though she didn’t have any proof and she was not sure of it but the fact that there was even a slight consideration that the man had feelings for his friend’s fiancee was enough to surprise you.
You knew this. You knew that this was the very thing that bothered you to bits. Yet, the coward you tried to bury the hurt and dismay deep inside your heart. And now, it grew, finally eating your rational thoughts. And the proof of that fruit of jealousy? The mobile phone on your hand.
You stared softly at the picture on his lock screen — it was a photo of you while cradling Elizabeth the third. You remembered when was this and you kind of felt the butterflies on your stomach do a somersault. You kind of felt happy by the fact that at least, he cherishes you so.
Unconsciously, you swiped the screen to unlock. You expected a pass code and you silently wished you hadn’t. For there was no pass code encrypted. You silently prayed to the gods that this didn’t happen. That you could have stopped to try and snoop on his mobile phone. You wish you didn’t see anything. You wish you didn’t know.
For the price of knowledge was unimaginable pain.
Your eyes were glued on the screen, your hands shaking in anger. Disappointment, hurt and transgression were quick to take over your senses as you felt yourself froze on the spot.
Jumin was staring at a photo earlier. A photo of him and Rika together with Elizabeth the third who still looked like a kitten. His hands were wrapped around the beautiful blonde’s shoulders as she was leaning in, with her slender arms carefully wrapped around Jumin’s waist. Jumin was holding Elizabeth the third on his free hand as Rika was holding the cat with her free hand as well.
Rika was all smiles as she stared into the camera, her emerald eyes glistening with happiness. You could almost hear your heart breaking as you gazed over Jumin. His gaze was not on the camera nor at Elizabeth the third — he was entirely focused on the blonde beauty beside him. He looked like he was in awe.
He looked so damn in love.
How could this be? She was V’s fiancee, right?
It was funny how a single photo confirmed everything you were so afraid of discovering. And it was even funnier that they looked like a happily married couple on the photo. And you know what else you found funny? It was the fact that you felt like a home wrecker all of a sudden.
How could you destroy such a happy family?
You clicked the photo and a small window popped up from it. You clicked ‘see description’ and oh god you wish you just didn’t. Tears swelled up on your eyes as you slowly read the description attached to the photo.
How I wish you were mine
But I know you’re not
That’s why I’ll content myself with your smile
You always looked beautiful with it
I hope you keep it all your life
I wish you endless happiness
Congratulations, Rika
-HJ
With shaking hands, you turned off the phone and briskly returned it to where it was left by its owner. You gently wiped the tears on your eyes and on your cheeks. You swallowed hard and inhaled deep, trying to relax yourself.
“Stop crying …” you chanted these words over and over again, hopelessly believing in its effect. “You’re not going to cry over this,”
You’re not going to cry over this. Like a broken recorder, you kept on repeating these words inside your head, as if it’s some kind of prayer to calm your hurting soul.
You’re not going to cry over this.
You’re not going to cry over this.
You’re not going to cry over this.
It was all part of the past. You shouldn’t be threatened.
Rika is now gone.
You shouldn’t blame a dead woman for what’s happening to your life right now. It was not her fault you’re hurting. You tried to reason out with yourself, trying to make your heart hard from pain. What could it do? You’ve already seen and confirmed enough.
What do you plan to do? You knew you could just live with it. What were you expecting?
Of course, there has to be someone else before you. Jumin was not an ugly man — he was indeed incredibly handsome. Of course, someone like him would have someone he fancied before you.
It’s a good thing that when he returned, your tears have already steeled themselves, now refusing to fall down your eyes. He sat beside you and wrapped his arms around your shoulders as he planted a kiss on the side of your head. “Are you hungry, my love?”
The bitter bitch in you wanted to scoff at him — at this ridiculous set-up. But the one in you who loves him wholly wanted to just ignore the pain and continue on like nothing happened. He loves you. He said it himself. You felt it yourself. But no matter how hard you try to disregard the insecurity growing in you, you always fail.
The bitter jealousy coating your heart with a single thought.
You can never measure up to Rika.
You lightly shook your head, throwing the man beside you a soft smile. You suddenly lost your appetite. No matter how good the food smelled, you just didn’t feel like eating. You watched as how Jumin furrowed his brows, curiously looking at you. His metallic sets flashing concern and confusion with your sudden rejection to eat dinner.
“Darling. Is there something wrong?” He queried as he lifted a hand to touch your forehead. “Hm. You’re not sick, either. Should I be worried?”
You mimicked a healthy laugh and you wanted to slap yourself because it sounded so fake and out of the blue. Still, you didn’t want him to notice that there was indeed, something wrong. “No, silly! I’m fine. I just didn’t feel like eating. Ah, maybe because I’m still full?”
He raked a look on your features and you just flashed him a sweet smile. He heaved a sigh as he pushed himself up and walked in front of you. He stopped and leaned in, planting a soft kiss on your lips. This was stupid. It was incredibly incredulous at how your anger and disappointment slowly started to fade upon the contact. His kisses always felt like he was talking with you soul to soul.
He was just that kind of man.
“I’ll be back,” he whispered, his lips hovering just above your own. He quickly planted another kiss and smiled sexily at you, his metallic hues dancing beautifully against his thick, dark eyelashes. “Stay there.”
You bit your lip as you watched him disappear into the kitchen. Tightly closing your eyes, you leaned on the couch, resting your head on the soft cottony fabric of your headrest. What was happening to you? Was this jealousy? Was jealousy this arrogant and selfish? You needed to get a grip of yourself or else you’ll most likely lose it in front of him. Wouldn’t it be too embarrassing to start a fight just because you snooped on his privacy?
After moments of mental struggle, you heard his footsteps coming closer. You opened your eyes and watched him lay a single round glass on the table and a bucket of ice. He returned to the kitchen again and when he came back, you were surprised to see him holding a bottle of Absinthe.
“Today had been weird,” he mused, smiling as he placed the bottle of liquor on the table. “I got my very first gift of appreciation from a client. He said I should have a taste and that we should go out to drink some time.”
You blinked at him, suddenly surprised that he was sharing with you a part of how his day had been. With all the issues and problems, you knew he was struggling as he built his new company that is entirely independent from C&R. You knew how hard it is to open a new business that’s why you didn’t bother him about anything as he tirelessly worked. Somehow, it made you happy that he was finally standing on his own and was working hard to build his own conglomerate.
You watched him sit beside you, pulling the table closer. He was busy putting ice on the glass and opening the bottle of liquor while you were busy just watching him move. You wanted to scream at yourself for even thinking about the photo while you’re trying to have a moment of fun with the man you love.
Jealousy is such a bitch. It does ruin relationships badly.
Jumin gently rocked the glass on his hand as he watched how the ice slowly melted against the liquor inside.
“It feels weird,” he began, eyes concentrating on the alcohol at hand. “I somehow feel … accomplished,”
You smiled gently at this — you were proud. Of course it would feel different from before. He was operating an already well-known company. He didn’t take part with it on its early stages but he did take part on maintaining its legacy.
“It feels as if you’re growing your own baby, right?” you mused, a playful smile tugging on your lips. You decided to let everything go for tonight. You just wanted to have fun with him, make more memories together and maybe, just maybe you can finally cover Rika’s shadow on his life.
It was a very blissful thought.
You heard his throat let out a breathy chuckle and boy did it sound so sexy. He leaned on against the couch as his free hand rested on your thigh. His touch was warm against your skin. Your eyes darted from his hand and then to his face only to find yourself blushing.
“That is reasonable. And there’s truth to those words. Though, I’m very sure I won’t mind adding one baby to the picture,” Jumin was staring at you, a playful smile on his features with the mouth of glass just inches away from his lips. The moment he sipped and douse the content of glass, his gaze didn’t leave you. It was like he was studying what you looked like, memorizing every details of your face, making sure he never misses one.
His eyes were so intense that you felt small against his stares.
He licked his lips the moment he finished his glass, his deep baritone speaking out of nowhere, “Hmm … it’s very delicious,”
You were not sure if he was still talking about the liquor, though.
“Jumin!” You gasped due to his innuendo. You panicked when you felt hot and bothered all of a sudden. It’s crazy how he can just stare at you like he’s undressing you with his eyes. You suddenly felt uncomfortable under his presence. You snatched the glass on his hand and poured yourself a drink. You immediately downed it in one gulp. God! Instead of getting rid of that feeling, it worsened!
You were about to pour yourself another when he snatched the bottle out of your hands, his eyes narrowing at you.
“A lady shouldn’t drink like a man,” he said, amusement lacing his tone. “Though I must say that it’s fine by me if it’s you. I’m sure I could benefit from it.”
You felt your blood rush to your face, making you blush a bright shade of red. Damn him for making your blood tingle. Damn him for making your being want him more and more. Despite the possible chances of pain and sadness in the future. It’s scary how willing you are to get hurt just for the sake of him.
You couldn’t help yourself but smack him on his arm. Wrong move!
You felt how hard and strong his arms were and it felt good against your palm. His sleeves were up now and you noticed how his skin started to turn pink. He let out a laugh as he doused the alcohol in one go. He was now looking at you with glossed eyes, gaze slowly becoming unfocused.
He shook his head and leaned back on the headrest of the couch, his face now pinkish. You shook your head at this — how can he be so weak at any other liquor except wine? You picked up the bottle from the table and read the ABV content of the drink. Your eyes almost popped out of its sockets upon realizing how high it was. No wonder with just a small amount of it, you were feeling all warm and fuzzy.
Jumin drank three half full glasses of it. No wonder he’s drunk with just three shots. He groaned as you inched closer, feeling his skin against your hand. You lightly caressed his neck as your touch moved up to trace his jawline and his lips. His breathing had become peaceful each minute that passed until you heard him softly snoring. He didn’t snore but if he ever did, you loved how it sounded.
You stood up and planted a small kiss on his lips as you started to clear the table. Upon finishing the task, you briskly walked towards the patio of the penthouse and to the front door. You talked with one of the security guards and asked them to help you situate your lover back to the bedroom. When he was finally resting on the soft covers of dark blue silken sheets, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself.
You shouldn’t let jealousy defeat you. You are the one who’s with him. You should create more happy memories with him. You should slowly yet surely heal whatever wounds he got when he was in love with Rika. You will cure and envelope him with your love.
Slowly, just like baby steps, you knew you could do it.
You gently removed his shoes and then his socks. Your eyes gazed at the aesthetically attractive body of this man before you. Your hands carefully unbuttoned his dress shirt, your thoughts traveling from the most innocent to the extremely naughty ones.
Restrain, self. Restrain.
You let out a bothered sigh as you continued to undress him. You were just going to change his clothes, nothing else. It would make you feel bad if he slept on the clothes he went to work with. You’re with him now and he should be taken care of while you can. Even just the smallest things would suffice.
You were about to put a new pair of clothes of him when he stirred from his sleep. You knitted your brows together when you saw that his lips were moving — as if he’s trying to say something. You leaned in closer, just enough to hear what he was mumbling under his breath.
Ever heard the sound a glass globe makes while falling down the floor to break? Or how a very expensive ceramic cracks when it falls down on the hard surface?
If there was ever a sound of how a heart can break into a million pieces, then those would be it. If the human heart can break like a fragile glass then it would make those tragic sounds. If your heart was made of glass and it broke inside your body, you could’ve died on the spot.
But no. It is very sad that it doesn’t work that way.
It’s extremely devastating that only you, the owner of a heart that’s breaking, can only hear the sound it makes as it shatters into a million pieces.
For there he was, the man you love the most, slapping you with the cold reality of life. His own unconscious self talking for him. He never got over her, huh?
You smiled ruefully at his sleeping figure, fresh batch of tears flowing freely on your face. The lampshade became the only source of light inside this tragically large bedroom which made you feel infinitely alone.
“How could you …” you whispered, your lips quivering. Your shoulders were shaking as you desperately tried to stop the massive flowing of your tears.
You just wished for happiness.
You just wished for his happiness.
You felt your heart break once more when Jumin finally murmured, now very clear, the name of someone whose memories should have died the moment she left this world.
“Rika…”