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There was nothing Seonghwa loved more than watching Hongjoong work on his music. He admired him silently from the other side of their shared room, taking in the younger boy’s face, lit only by the bluish glow of the laptop screen his eyes were currently glued to. Seeing Hongjoong’s brows drawn together in concentration and his little pink tongue slightly poking out of his mouth made the older of the two feel a familiar warmth spread across his chest and face. He suddenly felt thankful for the darkness surrounding them.
After a few long minutes have passed, Seonghwa glanced at the digital alarm clock on his nightstand, immediately wincing because of the way too bright numbers staring back at him. It was already well-past midnight and Seonghwa knew it was time for him to get up, remind Hongjoong about their morning schedule and make him turn off the computer, so that the smaller one could actually get some sleep for once. He let out a heavy sigh and slowly moved into a sitting position. He wished he could just stay up the whole night and think about how much he wanted to kiss Hongjoong’s cherry lips instead.
“...What?”
Seonghwa was immediately brought back to reality by a soft shaky voice tearing through the silence of the room. His head snapped up, the sudden action making his neck hurt and his eyes looked in the direction the sound came from. Just like that, he was met with Hongjoong’s round, wide eyes and slightly parted mouth. Wait—
“What did you say?” Hongjoong repeated his question, his eyebrows raised high. He sounded breathless.
That's when Seonghwa realized his mistake.
Fuck.
Did he really just said it out loud?
Seonghwa felt his whole body tense, anxiety shooting up his spine. His mouth fell open but closed quickly after, repeating the action a few times making him look like a fish.
What the hell was he supposed to do now?
Hongjoong kept staring straight at him, the shock still evident on his face but the expression slowly changing into something different with each passing moment. Seonghwa wasn't sure into what exactly.
The blond had no idea what he should do in a situation like that, after accidentally telling his close friend, roommate and leader that he wanted to kiss him. It had definitely not been the plan for the night. So he did the first thing that popped up in his mind. And probably, the stupidest possible one too.
"Ha… Well, would you look at the time!" Seonghwa somehow managed to let out, feeling his throat closing up and making it hard for him to continue. "You should probably turn off your laptop soon and sleep. T-Today's practice was hell and I can barely keep my eyes open. I'm exhausted," he spoke a little too fast for it to sound natural, but hoped that the big yawn he decided to add at the end made his rambling a bit more believable.
It probably just made it all sound even more fake.
Seonghwa wanted to kick himself.
"Goodnight!" He squeaked out, completely ignoring Hongjoong's previous questions, falling back onto his bed and turning away from Hongjoong's piercing gaze.
He pulled the thick blanket over his head, so fast that something in his arm cracked, and then went completely still. Too afraid to move or even breathe too loudly.
Darkness and silence always felt comfortable to Seonghwa before. He could think about all the stuff he didn't have time or energy to think about during the day and steal glances at Hongjoong's small form on the other side of the room as often as he wanted, unnoticed.
Now, however, he felt himself panicking.
He squeezed his eyes shut, hands closing on a blanket almost painfully and listened carefully.
Maybe Hongjoong actually believed him and simply ignored his little slip up from before? Maybe he didn't even hear what exactly Seonghwa had said—
Thud!
For the second time that night, Seonghwa was abruptly brought back out of his thoughts. This time, with a big fluffy pillow thrown at his head.
Seonghwa jumped a little in his place, not expecting the attack but remained under the blanket, not daring to look in the direction it was aimed at him from.
"Are you serious?" Seonghwa heard Hongjoong whisper angrily, the sound of quick footsteps following shortly after.
Shit. He got up from the bed and is coming my way.
The blond squeezed his eyes tighter, trying to quickly think of some solution to this horribly awkward situation but before he could come up with anything, he felt the blanket being pulled off of him. A bit harshly.
Now, with his blanket shield gone, Seonghwa had no other choice but to look up and face Hongjoong.
The only source of light in the room was Seonghwa's digital clock and Hongjoong's laptop, currently abandoned on the other's bed, but it was enough for Seonghwa to make out the sharp rise and fall of his leader's chest and the thin line his lips were pulled into.
"What the hell, Seonghwa?" He sounded angry and Seonghwa didn't like it one bit. "Do you think this is Harry Potter, or some other fantasy crap where a blanket will make you magically disappear?"
Hongjoong crossed his arms but the anger that previously radiated off of him was gone, replaced by something that looked a lot like nervousness to Seonghwa. Hongjoong bit his lips, visibly struggling how to put his next thought into words, his piercing eyes softer and flickering away from the blond.
"Y-You can't just drop a bomb like at me and then pretend nothing happened."
Seonghwa's breath hitched. "So, you heard it? What I said. And you're not angry at me for it?"
Hongjoong's gaze returned to its original spot, Seonghwa's face.
"Of course, I heard you," he huffed. "You said it so loud, even my headphones didn't manage to block it out."
The redhead shifted his weight from one leg to another. "Or at least I think I heard what you said. Maybe I'm just too tired and it's my own thoughts that are getting out of control."
Seonghwa's ears perked up at that. He momentarily forgot about his own accidental confession and focused on Hongjoong's words instead.
"Your own?"
Hongjoong's eyes widened, realisation slowly setting in.
"I—"
"Do you think about kissing me, too?" Seonghwa whispered, feeling like his whole body was on fire. The burning feeling in his chest made it hard for him to breathe. He hoped he got it right.
Hongjoong fell silent for only a moment before opening his mouth and whispering an answer back.
"Yes."
Seonghwa felt the whole world stop for a second. He couldn't believe his ears. He swallowed thickly and tried to somehow calm all of the thousand different emotions currently dancing inside of him.
He reached his hand slowly in Hongjoong's direction, suddenly feeling shy. The redhead's gaze flickered from Seonghwa's big brown eyes to his slightly shaking hand and after taking an unsteady breath, he squeezed his palm delicately and let himself be pulled onto the bed.
They sat on the mattress facing each other, both of them quiet and not exactly sure what to do next.
They had just both confessed to have been wanting to kiss the other and Seonghwa's heart was not prepared for a turn of events like that at all. He spent so much of his time sulking because of his unrequited feelings… just to find out they weren't so unrequited after all?
No. He was getting ahead of himself. Hongjoong said he thought about wanting to kiss him. He didn't say he liked him. Maybe he was just curious?
Seonghwa shook his head lightly, earning himself a raised eyebrow from Hongjoong in return.
He looked down at their intertwined fingers and gave Hongjoong's hand a squeeze. Now or never.
"Can I kiss you?"
He barely recognised his own voice. It came out breathy and uneven. This was too much for his poor heart. He needed to calm down fast, unless he wanted to freak Hongjoong out with his soon to be really sweaty hands.
His attention switched back to the boy sitting in front of him and he saw Hongjoong give a little nod of his head as an answer.
"Yeah. Yes, you can," he said quietly, his eyes shining in the faint light the digital clock spread around the room. "Please, kiss me."
And it was all Seonghwa needed to hear. He felt his body shift forward, the hand that wasn't currently locked with Hongjoong's found its home on the surface of the redhead's soft cheek.
Seonghwa stopped himself not even a full inch away from Hongjoong's pretty, cherry lips, giving him the last chance to change his mind. He really hoped he wouldn't though.
"Just do it, coward," Hongjoong snorted lightly and the sensation of his breath against Seonghwa's skin made his lips tingle. "Or I'll do it for you," the younger teased but Seonghwa could sense that he was just as nervous as him.
On the count of three. Seonghwa was going to do it.
One. Two. Three.
He wasn't sure if in the end it was him who closed the distance between them or if Hongjoong fulfilled his earlier promise of doing it himself… but the one thing he was sure about, was how much softer Hongjoong's lips felt against his own compared to the times he imagined it happening in his head.
It was real. It was happening. He was kissing Kim Hongjoong.
Hearing Hongjoong's contented sigh made Seonghwa's stomach flip and his cheeks burn. He felt a smaller hand cover his own currently placed on the shorter's cheek. The simple action made his heart squeeze in his chest. The subtlety of it all made the kiss feel more innocent than Seonghwa could ever imagine it would be.
The kiss didn't last long. After a moment, both of them were pulling away from each other slowly, eyes still half closed.
The butterflies in Seonghwa's stomach were once again replaced by anxiety. What if the kiss felt good only to him? What if Hongjoong felt disappointed with it and thought Seonghwa was a bad kisser—
"You're doing it again."
"Huh?" Seonghwa's eyebrows knitted together. He didn't understand what exactly Hongjoong meant by that.
"You think too much," Hongjoong explained in his usual soft tone. He raised one of his hands higher and knocked his knuckles lightly against Seonghwa's forehead. "Silly."
"Ouch," Seonghwa winced, even though the action didn't cause him any real pain.
Hongjoong pushed lightly at his arm, a small giggle escaping his lips in the process. He sounded happy. Cheerful. Satisfied, even?
"Did you like it?" Seonghwa asked and for some reason, got shy immediately after. "The kiss."
"I did. A lot, actually," Hongjoong answered with a smile and hesitated for only a moment before continuing. "But I think I like you even more."
"Y-You do? Like me?"
"Mhm," Hongjoong hummed, a soft smile appearing on his face, visible even in the dim light of the room. "I think it’s pretty easy to figure out since I let you kiss me, like, not even a minute ago," the redhead laughed quietly.
"Well, that's not actually true. You may have wanted to just—" Seonghwa's rambling was cut off by a finger lightly pressing against his mouth.
"Shh."
Seonghwa blinked and stared dumbly at the boy in front of him, falling silent and not letting any of the other insecure thoughts pass his lips.
"What about you? Do you like me?" Hongjoong asked.
Seonghwa nodded his head up and down embarrassingly fast. He took Hongjoong's hand delicately in his and pulled his finger away from his lips. "More than you can imagine," he breathed out.
"In that case, I think you really should kiss me again. In fact, you should already be kissing me—" this time it was Seonghwa who cut the other off, but with his lips instead.
Seonghwa felt giddy with relief. He was allowed to do it. He was allowed to kiss Hongjoong again. Now that he was granted the permission by the other and knew that the feelings he bottled up for so long were mutual… he felt bolder. More confident.
And so was their second kiss.
The surprise attack made Hongjoong's breath hitch. He squeezed Seonghwa's arm tightly, opening his mouth wider, inviting Seonghwa inside. The blond complied immediately.
It was easy to lose track of time like that. With Hongjoong's body pulled close to his own, his soft lips sealed with Seonghwa's. The shaky breaths falling from the redhead's lips made Seonghwa smile into the kiss and challenge himself to pull as many of them out of the other as possible.
When the small hands started pushing at his chest lightly, he detached himself from Hongjoong and looked at the other, confused.
"What's wrong?"
"I-it's late," Hongjoong whispered, trying to calm his breathing. His chest rose and fell quickly and his eyes looked hazy, the evidence of how affected he got by the kiss easily noticeable. "We should probably stop now."
"Aren't you the one who always insist on staying up longer?" Seonghwa snorted.
"And aren't you the one who said he was 'exhausted and couldn't keep his eyes open' not so long ago?" Hongjoong raised one of his eyebrows at Seonghwa, challenging.
Seonghwa actually thought about it for a moment, and as much as he didn't want to part, he knew Hongjoong was right. If they didn't fall asleep soon, they wouldn't be able to get up on time in the morning.
"Okay," he agreed.
"Let me just steal one more kiss before we do," he said with a smile.
Hongjoong shook his head in disbelief. "How come you're suddenly so confident? You hid under a blanket from me not even an hour ago," he teased. "And you don't need to steal anything. My lips are reserved just for you from now on."
The warmth that spread all over Seonghwa's body upon hearing those words was not comparable to anything he felt before. He wanted to sing. He wanted to dance. And he wanted to feel Hongjoong's lips against his own once more, so he pulled the smaller close to his chest again and connected them what easily could've been a hundredth time that night.
And maybe Seonghwa managed to get more than just one kiss before parting for good. And maybe they both fell asleep with their arms wrapped around each other, too tired to move, too.
Even though waking up the next morning, after barely getting any sleep, felt like hell… they didn't regret a thing. The two of them wore the biggest smiles on their faces for the whole day, looking forward to the evening when they would be able to exchange kisses in the darkness of their shared room again. And again.
Seonghwa couldn't be more glad about the fact that he wasn't able to control what came out of his mouth sometimes… because his little slip up from that one night, had started something big. Something bigger than he realised. Something beautiful.