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(Combat, I'm ready for combat
I say I don't want that, but what if I do?
'Cause cruelty wins in the movies
I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you)
The first time Steve kisses Tony, all the latter wanted to do was to melt into the blonde’s embrace and continue tasting the sweetness of Steve’s lips. However, what he does is push Steve away with all his might and hastily retreats from him.
What Tony wanted to say was, “I love you so much”, “Please don’t ever leave me”, “I have dreamt of this moment for so so long”and a million of other unspoken confessions but instead what really comes out of his mouth is “What do you think you’re doing?”, his eyes ablaze with anger. Steve’s reaction was instantaneous. Sadness and hurt welled up in his eyes, resembling that of a wounded animal and Tony almost felt bad for him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me”, Steve apologises earnestly. He then chucks a thumb over his shoulders and vaguely motions to the lift.
“I’m supposed to go meet Nat to spar so uh, bye. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m so sorry for making you uncomfortable”. He apologises again before beating a hasty retreat and all but scrambles to the lift as he disappears slowly from Tony’s sight when the doors slide shut.
Tony slides down the wall Steve backed him into just minutes ago, lost in the throes of passion. Tears prickle at his eyes before spilling down his cheeks. He brings up a sleeve to wipe at them but they won’t stop coming.
“No one gets to break my heart again, not even him” he thinks as he resolutely stands up and throws himself into work, vowing to bury his feelings for Steve six feet under.
(Easy they come, easy they go
I jump from the train, I ride off alone
I never grew up, it's getting so old
Help me hold onto you)
Tony doesn’t know how being loved feels like. He thinks that maybe he does know but he can never be sure. He breaks it off with his former lovers when things gets too serious and intense for him. He’s a futurist, he knows that it’s for the best. They could never stay with him. Tony sticks with one night stands and hook ups with strangers whose faces he won’t remember in the morning when he stumbles out of bed and slips home. It hurts less this way he believes. He doesn’t think he’ll never find true love, it just isn’t in his destiny.
(I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?)
Tony is no stranger to making the headlines. He’s spotted with ladies and gentlemen hanging off his arm countless of times. Rumours spread like wildfire about his sexual conquests. It’s no secret that Tony Stark is a charming and charismatic man, able to sweet-talk anyone into falling into bed with him, but what is less known is the fact that Tony loves to be courted. Sure he has the kind of money to orchestrate and pull off elaborate displays of affection, and while he is known to almost always display the initiative when it comes to wooing someone, he secretly wishes that he was the recipient of such flamboyant acts of passion instead. Everyone falls for Tony Stark but nobody falls for Tony Stark.
(Dark side, I search for your dark side
But what if I'm alright, right, right, right here?
And I cut off my nose just to spite my face
Then I hate my reflection for years and years)
Steve burns brighter than the sun and lights up Tony’s world. He is one of kind, unique and special. Tony wants to love him. He is the paradigm of justice and freedom, the ideal American citizen. Nobody can be that perfect so Tony searches and searches for a flaw, any cracks he could maybe discover in Steve’s character but no matter how hard he scrutinises and lies awake thinking at night, he grasps at straws. Tony doesn’t want to ruin and corrupt him, so he stays away even though it hurts him so much. Even at a distance,Steve burns as brightly as ever and Tony will try his damnest not to extinguish his light.
(I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost
The room is on fire, invisible smoke
And all of my heroes die all alone
Help me hold onto you)
When Steve starts dating Sarah, Tony’s heart positively shatters into smithereens. Tony is a builder and a fixer but he doesn’t think that he could ever repair his heart again. He spends night after night cooped up in his lab, citing a mountain of Stark Industries work as an excuse to escape team movie nights and meals. When he finally has to venture out of his safety zone, he puts on a mask of normalcy and indifference to disguise the pain that envelops him whenever he spots Steve placing his hand on the small of Sarah’s back or when Steve looks at Sarah like she is the most precious jewel in the entire universe. He jokes and bickers with Clint, talks Science with Bruce, but all he is really doing is wondering if anyone can see right through his facade. He doesn’t want to end up all alone and Steve seems to be slipping right through his hands.
(I've been the archer,
I've been the prey
Screaming, who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
I see right through me, I see right through me
'Cause they see right through me
They see right through me
They see right through
Can you see right through me?
They see right through
They see right through me
I see right through me
I see right through me)
“He knows, he knows” is all Tony could repeat to himself as Steve pounds on the door and shouts his name in a futile effort get Tony to talk to him. Now everyone knows how he feels about Steve. He went and made sure of that by storming off angrily upon seeing Sarah snuggling with Steve on the couch during movie night. He tried and tried so hard to hold on to his emotions but they broke like a dam, leaving chaos in their wake. Now Steve knows and he probably hates him. He has gone and ruined it all, now he won’t even have Steve as a friend anymore and it’s all his fault for being so stupid. Everybody sees him now for who he really is and he has never felt more alone than before.
(All the king's horses, all the king's men
Couldn't put me together again
'Cause all of my enemies started out friends
Help me hold onto you)
He dreams of Obie. He dreams of Ty. He dreams of Steve. He’s broken and can’t be mended again. He isn’t the right fit for Steve, not when he is barely being held together by staplers and tape. Steve deserves better, someone whole and untainted. He deserves someone who isn’t Tony.
(I've been the archer
I've been the prey
Who could ever leave me, darling?
But who could stay?
I see right through me, I see right through me
Who could stay?
Who could stay?
Who could stay?
You could stay
You could stay
You
Combat, I'm ready for combat)
Steve thinks that Tony is the bee’s knees. He sees Tony for who he really is, an incredibly misunderstood, selfless and kind soul. He is a ball of constant energy and he burns brighter than the sun. Tony is the epitome of perfection to him. He doesn’t think that he has never loved anyone more than Tony - not Peggy, not Bucky, not Sarah, so when Tony finally relents and lets him in, Steve stays.
He stays for an eternity.