Work Text:
taehyungie-hyung
hey gukkie! i’m so sorry i
couldn’t msg u last night.
schedule’s been hectic,
but i’m free tom. let’s go
out on a date? at the
restaurant we always meet
up at.
jeongguk
OK hyung. at 7PM bcs i
still have to work.
taehyungie-hyung
okay, it’s a date then~
Jeongguk locked his phone and kept it inside his pocket. He sighed heavily and gathered his paraphernalia, standing up from his table as he bows in shame to the waiter who was supposed to serve them and leaving the restaurant in an instant. Taehyung has stood him up again this time, and he can’t already count the number of times the older did this to him. The young man wondered what the other’s excuse this time will be. Will it be another sudden interview? Or another meeting for a drama proposal? Jeongguk just chuckled bitterly and hailed a cab back home.
Throughout the whole ride, Jeongguk’s mind was filled with memories they had back in the past, when Taehyung’s life was still private and when he still felt like a priority for the older. They would often meet up during their free schedules, eating at nearby fast food chains instead of fancy restaurants, laughing without care, without any fans to worry about. Back then, they would spend their vacations mostly in each other’s home, cuddling on the bed or on the couch while watching television. Back then he could still claim Taehyung as his, he could still show him how he loves him so much without worrying about cameras catching them, and he could still feel that the older feels the same way as him, too.
But all of that changed now.
Kim Taehyung became famous gradually, after landing his first major role in a drama. Media started talking about him, people started following him and soon, his name became known all over South Korea and even across the globe. The actor became busy, the weekends and the vacations they used to spend with each other became packed with schedule for the popular male. Each day cameras were focused on him and there almost wasn’t a day where Jeongguk doesn’t see his boyfriend’s face on TV. Whenever they would go out, the other would always have to keep on hiding so that the fans won’t recognize him and the atmosphere between the two of them would always feel so tense and uncomfortable. His life became known to everybody, his time was always full and taken by photoshoots, interviews, shootings and such, and Jeongguk no longer felt like he was still a priority for him.
Having an actor as a boyfriend was hard.
Reaching his flat, he unlocked the door and hung his coat on one of the chairs in the dining. He entered his bedroom and plopped down on the mattress, the exhaustion and exasperation slowly consuming his system. A picture frame sat on the drawers and his eye caught a glimpse of that. He picked it up and stared at the photo where Taehyung and he were happily grinning after the elder had finally graduated college. It was shot when the older was still wasn’t known as he is today. Warm tears pooled at the corner of his eyes and soon enough, they cascaded down his cheeks.
Jeongguk just wanted to feel like he’s still a priority. He just wanted to feel that Taehyung still cares a lot about him. He just wanted to feel that Taehyung still loves him like he did before. All these recent things happening to the both of them were taking its toll on him, and he hated how he needs to seek the elder’s attention before he could even look his way. He doesn’t want to be selfish, but all he wants is to have his boyfriend to himself, even for just one day.
Is it really too much to ask for?
The young man went to sleep that night, tear stains left on his cheeks.
“Yah, what happened? You look so out of yourself.” Park Jimin, his coworker and friend, asks him. The two have met together in the dance club the younger joined back when he was in high school. The two had no idea they would be meeting each other after a few years, but both were overjoyed to see each other again. Now, here he was, sitting on his work desk, eyes all swollen from all the crying he did last night, and here was Park Jimin, asking him what happened.
“Nothing. Don’t mind me and get back to your own work.” He tries to push his hyung away, but the older doesn’t stop. Jeongguk sighed internally. He doesn’t want to burst out there, but he might if Jimin will continue to pester him.
“C’mon Gukkie, something’s going on. Tell me, okay?” the brown-haired male says, and the dongsaeng is grateful for his concern. However, he’s still not ready to tell anything about what happened yesterday because right now, he still feels sore about everything. “I can see it’s getting too much for you. Please tell me so that I could help.”
He just smiled softly at the male hearing that. “Thanks, Jimin-hyung, but not now, please?”
He can feel tears prickling on the back of his eyes.
“Okay, if that’s what you want. But don’t hesitate to tell me if there’s something wrong going on,” Jimin pats his shoulders gently, and Jeongguk was thankful his friend decided not to push through with the topic. “Anyways, to light up the mood, have you watched Taehyungie’s interview yesterday? He said he’s working on their next drama. I can’t wait for that! He’s really so handsome and cool.”
“Yeah.” he mutters, attempting to sound uninterested, because he doesn’t want to be. And he isn’t.
“And that fan meeting! If work’s not only a burden I’ll go meet him right there and then,” the hyung playfully pouts and Jeongguk feels that aching feeling inside his chest. He doesn’t want to get annoyed right now, but all the pent-up frustration was biting back at him. “Hey, do you ever wonder if Taehyung has a girlfriend or what? He has never really talked about that in interviews, but maybe it’s because issues will come? But I just really wonder.”
You’re actually speaking to his boyfriend, he wants to say, but he stops himself.
No one knew about their relationship aside from the people they trusted the matter about, after Taehyung became a full-fledged actor. Jimin was a trustworthy friend but somehow the dongsaeng can’t find himself confiding to him about it. Maybe it’s because of the fact that he’s a fan, maybe it’s because it’s too sensitive and complicated to tell him about it, maybe it’s because of the fact that Tae might get angry if he tells it to someone else without consulting him. He can’t just bring himself to say anything about it. The male doesn’t want to make things more complex than before, and he doesn’t want to feel even less of a priority.
“I don’t know. I haven’t been a really big fan of his, so I have no idea.” he just replies, trying to focus back on his work because honestly, he’s getting tired of the conversation. If Jimin just knew how hard it must be for him right now, he’ll definitely shut up. Jeongguk doesn’t want to be rude, though. The elder had been a really good friend to him all these years; he just doesn’t have any idea of his situation right now.
“But he’ll look good with the female lead he had in his last drama; don’t you think? I mean, the chemistry they had was really something. They really clicked together,” at the statement, his tears stung even more but he wiped it away in an instant, so as not to arise suspicion from his friend. “What do you think, Gukkie?”
“Y-Yeah, right,” he attempts to swallow the lump forming in his throat. He stands up and excuses himself. “Excuse me, I have to use the rest room.”
And before he could even enter the door, nasty tears left his eyes already. The pain in his chest felt so overbearing, and he can’t just contain them anymore. He hated being vulnerable over trifling things like that, but everything seems to remind him how he’s slowly becoming irrelevant in Taehyung’s life. He hated how he’s becoming nothing to him already. He hated how the older is easily forgetting about him already. But most of all, he hated how it seems like he’s the only one still in love already.
His tears fall more as he locks himself inside the restrooms.
A week had passed by since the last talk they had and Taehyung hasn’t called him or messaged him after that. The younger male had sent him tons of messages and calls during the first days but got tired of doing that. Deep down he knew he’ll never get answered because the actor was busy again and has no time in answering calls and text messages, but he still tried in hopes that he’ll be replied since he’s his boyfriend. However, no notification from Taehyung showed up ever since last week and Jeongguk just felt tired to shower him with calls and messages. He just lost hope about getting response from the guy, although he cannot deny that he somehow expected that Taehyung would call him back or even text him back.
But as they say, do not expect too much.
Work was done and it was finally time to go home. Jimin and him parted ways as he took a walk to the nearest train station. While taking a little stroll, he can’t help but to take notice of the billboards and advertisement signs containing Taehyung’s face. The male looked handsome than ever; boxy smile evident as he held a piece of fried chicken in his hand. On the other, he had a smirk n his face, and Guk can’t help but to feel that stupid feeling in his stomach. Despite the pain he feels because of the popular man’s job, he still admires his hard work a lot. There’s no doubt that he deserves all of these, because he went through a lot before he finally reached his dreams. He’s still working hard to remain and get to higher places until now, that he’s starting to forget the person who has been there through the ups and downs of his life.
Stop fucking thinking of it, Jeongguk.
The train ride felt long with all the thoughts lingering in his mind that time. The raven-haired male just wanted to get some rest after an exhausting day, but it seems that these thoughts he had won’t let him sleep well again. He knew he should be happy for all the things his boyfriend was experiencing right now, but he wasn’t. He knew he should be really, really supportive of him, but he can’t give him his one hundred percent support. He knew he shouldn’t be like this, but he can’t. The fame and acknowledgement the elder are getting is becoming the reason why he’s starting to feel lonely and neglected. Jeongguk wants to hold on to that belief that Taehyung still loves him, too, but he’s starting to have doubts in his mind.
The apartment was dark and cold the time he arrived there. He turned on a dim light and hung his coat on the same chair he always hangs it on. He takes a cold glass of water and sits on the chair, a hand under his chin. This apartment was supposed to be lively and cheery as Taehyung was supposed to be frequently visiting him here, but it wasn’t. The actor and him bought this together around two years ago, when the former was still a rising star, and the two of them promised that they’ll be celebrating here once Taehyung receives his first major award. He did, they celebrated like how he promised, but it wasn’t here. It was in a place full of people, a place the younger one never really liked. Since then, the apartment felt lonelier than ever. Instead of having so many happy memories, it held many painful, lonely nights of him crying alone. The supposed-to-be intimate moments they have never felt like one, because the elder would be gone before he even wakes up. Jeongguk sometimes think of leaving the place, but he never did. Until now, he still hopes that this small home they bought will get brighter someday. Until now, he still hopes that Kim Taehyung will remember how special this place is for them.
A ring from his phone snaps him out of his thoughts.
incoming call
taehyungie-hyung
“Hello, hyung?” he tiredly mumbles to the receiver, his energy seemingly all drained. He knew he should be more cheerful than this, but for some reason he can’t bring himself to do it. He’s just tired of faking that he’s just fine.
“Hi, Jeonggukie! How are you?” the male exclaims from the other line, oblivious to the exhausted tone the younger’s voice contains. Jeongguk smiles a small one at the enthusiastic tone his boyfriend has, but he doesn’t know whether it’s from happiness or not.
“Doing fine. How about you, hyung?” Despite knowing the answer to his question, he still dared to ask him about it. There was nothing wrong about that, and maybe Taehyung wants to tell him something or share something to him that he doesn’t know.
“I’m doing great. Been busy these past few weeks since we’re preparing for that fan meeting,” the actor tells him. Guk stands up and walks over to the balcony, sliding the door open and letting the cool night breeze enter the room. There were no stars scattered in the dark skies, and only the moon was glowing. “The week has been so busy and tiring, but I’m excited to hold the fan meet already. I’m really sorry I wasn’t able to call you last week. The schedule’s really tight.”
“It’s fine,” he just mumbles, because he knew that there’s no point with being childish and arguing with the busy man. Taehyung could’ve at least given a single message, but perhaps he’s just too tired from everything. Jeongguk just tries to understand that, but he wasn’t happy. “How did it go?”
“It’s really going well. Many activities were being prepared and I’m really hoping I could interact with them,” and I’m hoping to be able to interact with you, too, Jeongguk says in his mind, but keeps it to himself. His boyfriend continues to speak. “I’ve also invited some of my friends, too, and hopefully they’d be able to join me. By the way Gukkie, I already reserved you some tickets. You’d be on the seat nearest to the stage, and I’m so excited to see you there.”
You don’t even glance my way whenever I attend one of your events, his bitter self thinks again, and he wants to curse himself for that. He takes a deep breath because he can feel his chest throbbing once again. “Y-Yeah, sure. I’d be there.”
“I can’t wait,” then there was someone speaking in the background, followed by what it seemed like a door closing, and Taehyung goes back to speaking to him, only to bid him goodbye. “Hey Guk, I’m sorry to cut the talk here, but I have to go now. The practice is about to start again. Bye…”
“Bye, I love—” his caller hangs up on him, and there, tears fall down from his eyes.
And just like the nights before, the sad male fell asleep with tears on his cheeks again.
“Jeonggukie!” his best friend, Jung Hoseok, rushes towards him and engulfs him in a tight hug. The younger smiles at the gesture and embraces his hyung back. It had been months since they last saw each other, and both were ecstatic about meeting again. “I missed you.”
“Missed you, too, hyung.” he mumbles, as they break away, a small smile found on his face. The other’s heart-shaped lips curve into a small smile as well.
Ever since he was young, Jung Hoseok had been his best friend. The elder acted like his older brother and for Jeongguk, he really has been one. It doesn’t take long for Hoseok to arrive whenever he hears his dongsaeng has a problem. He’ll immediately show up at his place and comfort him the way he knows. The elder knows when he is truly happy and when he’s not. The male can read him like an open book, and sometimes that’s a fact that Jeongguk hates and loves at the same time. He’s happy to know that he’s got a friend who truly understands him, but sometimes he doesn’t like it when Hoseok can just read him and keep asking him about the matter when he’s still isn’t ready to tell it to anyone.
Like right now.
They enter the pastry shop and Hoseok pays for their usual orders, before heading to the spot Jeongguk chose. A gentle smile was painted on his face as he places the tray down, giving the younger his request. Silence hang up in the air as they both dig in, the quieter one looking outside the large windows, watching how people move. His eyes caught another sight of Taehyung’s face on a poster and felt a clenching feeling inside his chest. He tries to keep a straight face when his best friend noticed the sight he’s looking at.
“How are things between you and Tae?” Hoseok asks, his expression soft and gentle. Jeongguk’s chest constricts at that, but he tries to keep his emotions in check. “I heard about the fanmeeting he’s about to hold. He must’ve given you the VIP seat, huh? You’re a lucky guy, Jeon Jeongguk.”
Silence remained as Jeongguk tries holding his tears back. His expression didn’t go unnoticed by the other, and he sensed that there must be something wrong with the boy.
“You don’t seem to be very happy with that fact,” the raven-haired male says, stating the obvious. The younger doesn’t want any drama to happen, but he’s about to reach his limits. The dongsaeng wished his hyung would just drop the topic, but Jung Hoseok is not like that. “Tell me what’s the matter.”
“Can we not push through this, please?”
“You have to let what’s inside that,” the male points to his chest. “Or else it’ll feel heavier if you just keep everything to yourself.”
Jung Hoseok can surely be annoying.
“Why do you have to be like this?” he mumbles, almost a whisper, his tears on the verge of falling once again. He hated how he’s being so vulnerable recently, but everything is just getting too much for him.
“I’m your hyung, remember? And I’ll always do my best to see you happy.” his companion tells him sincerely, eyes all honest and genuine. He almost cried at that.
“I― I just don’t think this is working out,” he starts off, as the wound he’s been trying to ignore stings again. The younger hates so much, how Kim Taehyung greatly affects his life right now. He was supposed to be strong and independent, but he’s crumbling down right now. It felt like he needs the actor to be able to go on, and it’s not supposed to be like that. “Hyung, I support him and I’m proud for what he has achieved already, but I can’t just give it my whole. I—I don’t know. Maybe I can’t give it my all because I’m selfish. I can’t give it my all because I want him to spare some time for me. I just want to be with him, hyung, without all these cameras and fans to worry about. I—I just want us to go back to the way we used to be, when we’re b-both happy just by being with each other. I—I miss those times, b-because back then I still feel significant to him. He—he can give me all the VIP seats out there, but I don’t need that. I—I just need his presence beside m-me.”
He didn’t realize he was full on crying, not until Hoseok goes over to his side and engulfs him in a comforting hug.
“Shh, Jeonggukie. Don’t cry,” the older rubs circles around his back, as the young man leans towards him and quietly sobs on his chest. He feels pathetic for crying over a single person in front of many people, but he had to get it off his chest. Hobi cups his face and asks him to listen to him. “Listen, Gukkie. Taehyungie’s an actor, and his schedule’s not as flexible as before, especially now that he’s getting even more popular here. I know you do love him, and believe me Guk, he does, too. I’ve been a witness to that. Sure, he’s a little bit on the wrong side for making you feel insignificant, but with his career, you have to be a little bit more understanding and patient towards him. He loves you so much, Jeongguk-ah, even if he’s not able to show that recently. You just have to believe in him.”
“I just want to be with h-him,” he sobs, clinging to the other even more. “That’s all I w-want right now.”
“It’s gonna be fine, okay? It’s going to be.” Hoseok reassures him, doing his best to comfort the boy.
And Jeongguk just cries silently on his hyung’s chest, wishing for all the heavy feeling in his chest to be gone at all.
He presses the button on the elevator and waits for him to reach the ground floor. His heart thumped wildly against his chest as he anticipated the ‘ding’ to signal him that he either reached his desired floor or someone’s going inside. Tonight was the party his boyfriend invited him to, and he can’t stop himself from feeling all nervous. He knew that the people he’ll be meeting tonight are all big shots since it was a party for Taehyung’s brother’s success from releasing his new mixtape. He kept on checking himself to see if he just looked fine, because he doesn’t want to go there all underdressed. He took one last deep breath and clutched his purse tightly, leaving the elevator in an instant after he finally arrives at the ground floor.
He saw a shiny black car waiting in front of his apartment complex and walked towards it. The car’s windows rolled and it revealed Kim Taehyung on the driver’s seat, a hand on the steering wheel, his hair slightly slicked back with a bandana on his head. The sight caught his breath, and he was unable to find his breath after seeing him in that. The older male unlocked the car door and Jeongguk sat on the shotgun seat, still a bit fazed and surprised at his boyfriend’s visuals.
“You look a bit surprised,” the older lessened the gap between them, and Jeongguk finds their distance only an inch away. Warmth starts immediately spreading across his cheeks as Taehyung closes the gap and presses his lips against his. “You look beautiful, you know that?”
Jeon Jeongguk hates it. He hates it so much, how Taehyung makes him so submissive to his touch. He hates how he just forgets about the pain he always brings him and just instantly succumbs to what he does to him. The black-haired male asks for entrance, their tongues swirling against each other. Soon, the actor leaves his lips and goes to pepper his jaw with light kisses, before proceeding to his neck to mark it. However, before he could even latch his lips on the submissive boy’s neck, Jeongguk already pushed him away.
“We’re—We’re going to a party, hyung! You can’t leave any marks on me,” he tries to distance himself from the other, although the desire in his heart was burning so much. He knew that if people see him coming with the famous male with hickeys littering all over his neck, they’ll get suspicious of him. “At some time, but not today.”
“I just want to spend more time with you.” Taehyung’s lips were decorated with a pout, and the younger one cannot honestly fathom how someone can easily go from seductive to cute in just a span of a few seconds.
Jeongguk loved and hated the fact at the same time.
Taehyung drives shortly after the intense scenario earlier, and the quieter boy can’t help but to feel all edgy and anxious all of a sudden. Silence remained in between and only the songs from the elder’s playlist are heard. Jeongguk tried to distract himself from his handsome boyfriend by staring outside the nightscapes, but his thoughts kept on drifting back to the scenario earlier in the car. Despite all the pain Taehyung brought him these past few months, the male still finds himself becoming pliant every time the other touches him. It’s as if he just forgets the ache and just willing submits to the other guy, finding the warmth and comfort he needed just by his small gestures. The younger hates that so much, and sometimes he just wants to go against the flow of things between them, but he knew Kim Taehyung was stronger than him. He dominates him so much, and Jeongguk just finds himself wrapped around his finger.
He’s an idiot for loving him so much.
“You’re deep in thoughts,” his boyfriend says, a hand making its way to his thigh. His eyes remained focused on the road while Jeongguk tries hard not to be fazed by his hand. “There’s nothing to worry about. You look just fine the way you are.”
“Y-yeah,” he takes a sharp intake of breath when he felt the hand inching up, and he removed it away, before unexpected things even take place. “Hyung, please. Don’t do this.”
“Sorry. I just missed you a lot.” Taehyung sighs, placing his hand back on the steering wheel. His heart swells at that, but a bitter part in him keeps on questioning his boyfriend at the back of his mind.
Are you sure you really missed me, it says in his mind, or you just missed my body?
Jeongguk badly wants that voice to shut up.
They soon arrived at their destination and the male can see that this party is really held for someone as rich as Taehyung’s brother. Finally finding a parking spot, they both go inside and see the mass of people talking and drinking with each other. Some of them greet the actor and asks him who’s the guy he’s with, and the older tells them that he’s a friend he brought along. Jeongguk knows the drill, knows that they need to deny what they really are in front all of these people, but somehow, it still stings. He knows he should be used to it by now, but the thought that he’s not able to proudly show how much he loves his boyfriend hurts him a bit. He shakes off the thoughts in his head and just sticks closely to the other.
When they finally found his brother, Jeongguk takes a bow as the man just smiles at him, his dimples showing. Kim Namjoon greets them as they both congratulate him for the success of his recent mixtape. They get into a little talk, the youngest mostly just listening to the siblings, admiring the bond they had. Namjoon was a person Taehyung relied on to a lot when he was still struggling in getting their parents’ approval about him being an actor. The blonde-haired man was a kind, supportive brother to the younger, and the popular actor respects and loves him a lot. He reminds him of his very own older brother, and somehow at the thought of it, he realized that he really missed him a lot. He just smiles to himself, when another handsome guy approached them, a smile visible on his plump lips as well.
“Nice seeing you here, Taehyungie,” the man with the coffee-colored locks says, as Namjoon sneaks an arm around his waist and pulls him closer to his side. Jeongguk’s eyes slightly widen at the sight, and there it dawned to him that the guy was definitely the rapper’s boyfriend. He never knew that Tae’s brother had one. “How’s your life going? I saw in the news that you’re about to star in another drama again. Or is it movie this time? Schedule must be pretty hectic to you this time, huh?”
“Yeah, but if you only know how much, Jin-hyung,” the statement ends with a sigh, and he felt the exhaustion his boyfriend must be feeling from all the things he had been doing recently. Well, if Taehyung is stressed out, he felt even more stressed for so many reasons. “Anyways, congratulations on the engagement. I’m happy to see the both of you nearly fulfilling your dreams of getting married to each other.”
“Thanks Tae,” both of them say, as the male in the name of Jin inches even closer to his fiancé. It was then he took notice of his presence and turns his attention to him. “By the way, what’s your name? I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you. Well, my name’s Kim Seokjin, but you can call me Jin-hyung, since you seem younger than me.”
“O-Oh, I’m Jeon Jeongguk,” he introduces himself, shyly accepting the handshake Seokjin offered and bowing before the older. His cheeks were dusted pink and he can literally feel his heart racing in his chest. “I-I’m Taehyung-hyung’s frie—”
“He’s my boyfriend,” Taehyung interjects, intertwining their fingers together. The youngest was a bit floored at that, but the actor’s eyes tells him that it’s just okay and that Seokjin is a trustworthy person. He lets an ‘oh’ at that.
“Nice to meet you then, Jeonggukie,” the smile widens, and the younger feels even shier because the man looked so beautiful with that. “I’m happy to meet the one who makes Taehyungie really happy and motivated.”
“Y-Yeah. Nice to meet you, too, Seokjin-hyung.” His ears were practically burning at this point.
“Anyways,” the second youngest of the four cuts in, removing the hand that was holding his very own earlier. The shy male felt a slight pang at that, as he knew they’re about to wear the façade they have always shown people before. “We’re gonna go around and take some drinks. Let’s all just catch up later, hm?”
“Okay then,” Jin and Joon started walking to the other direction. “See you around.”
After the two were gone, the two of them went on meeting different people. Many of them were his boyfriend’s acquaintances and friends from the show business, and somehow, as their conversations continued, Jeongguk felt even more left out. He knew that this even wasn’t for normal people like him, and he’s honestly getting tired of trying to pretend and pretend and pretend. Soon enough, he found himself all alone in the sea of all these well-known, rich people, and it just made the ache in his chest worse.
So much for wanting to spend time with him.
Feeling all suffocated from the atmosphere inside the place, he went out to the garden where less people stayed. The breeze was cool, and the young man was able to take a breath of silence, walking over to the benches he found outside. Some stars were littered across the sky, illuminating their light along with the moon, and it made him feel a bit comfortable and relaxed. Coming along to this party seemed like a bad idea to him, but he thought that maybe this was his chance to spend a little time with his actor of a boyfriend, so he went with him. He was proven wrong, though, as the elder seemed to rather prefer talking to his fellow actor pals than to be with him. He doesn’t even seem to care about where he is right now. The musings he has hurts him so much, it brings him pain, but at this point he should be used to it already. He can’t already count the number of times his lover hurt him, so this shouldn’t be so painful to him anymore. Yet, it still was.
“What are you thinking about?” Namjoon takes a seat beside him, his dark-colored irises staring at the sky instead of the guy he’s talking with. Jeongguk lets out a sigh before shrugging of the matter as nothing, but the older doesn’t seem so convinced of that. “It sure doesn’t seem nothing to me. What’s up?”
“Life has just been a bit stressful these past few months.” he says as an excuse, but he knows no one would believe such kind of bullshit. However, the hyung seemed to not just push through the topic, and Jeongguk was eternally grateful for that. Or so he thought.
“If you say so then,” the older male just smiles at him like he knows something happening, and he wished he doesn’t. The look on the other’s eyes was something that told him that he did, though, and he lets out a small, inaudible sigh at that. Joon speaks up once again, asking him a question. “How are you and my brother doing right now? He’s been a little busy and I’m quite worried for you two. How is it going?”
The raven-haired male just wanted the whole conversation to end right now. He wants to escape this kind of talks, but somehow, he always finds himself getting inside of it. “We’re fine, though we’re not able to communicate a lot because of the schedule he has.”
“You know Jeongguk-ah, Taehyungie loves you a lot,” his companion tells him, but no matter how genuine Namjoon sounded, the younger still had doubts in the back of his mind. How can he not, when all he felt recently was that he’s slowly becoming a nothing in Taehyung’s world? How can he not, when he feels like he’s just becoming a burden for the actor to tend to? How can he not, when right now, his boyfriend wants to talk to other people than to spend time with him? It hurts to have these thoughts, but he can’t help himself. He really doesn’t know how to believe Namjoon’s words. “He does, he really does. I can see how you changed him. Ever since he met you, he’s been happier and stronger. He became wiser, more mature and more understanding with things. He seemed livelier than I’ve ever seen him.”
“He’s been lively ever since the day we met.” he interrupts, simpering a bit.
“I know, but with you he’s different,” the rapper continues, and he keeps on having mixed feelings about that. He wants to trust his hyung’s words, to believe that Taehyung still feels the same as him, but doubts keep on creeping into the back of his mind. “He talks about you a lot, even now. How he loves your smile, the way you talk, the way your eyes shine over the littlest of things; whenever you’re brought up, or whenever you come across his mind, I can see how much he loves you, how he’s so in love with you. He really thinks you’re the guy for him,” I wish I could actually feel that myself, Jeongguk thinks, but he doesn’t say aloud. “So please, don’t leave him, Jeongguk-ah. Please stay by his side. I know he’s busy with all the things he’s doing right now, but please bear with him. He loves you a lot. All he wants for you is to stay beside him, because you’re the one giving him strength. You’re his inspiration and motivation. Without you, he’ll never be the man he is today. So please, please remain by his side, Guk-ah.”
“I—” he doesn’t know what to say, because he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. After a few moments of silence, he sighs. “Yeah. Yeah.”
“I know you love him so much, and believe me, he does, too,” the other pats him on his shoulder, before standing up and heading to the direction of the house. “You’re the perfect match, I can see it. Just trust each other.”
“Y-Yeah. Thanks, hyung.”
Shortly after Namjoon was gone, he stood up from the bench as well, taking a little stroll around the garden. Namjoon’s words tell him that Taehyung loves him a lot and thinks about him a lot, but why can’t he feel it? Why can’t he see it with his own eyes? Why can’t he feel it with his own senses? Maybe it’s because of the way he views their situation, maybe it’s because he’s pessimistic about this, but can they blame him? Ever since his popularity skyrocketed after he landed his first major role in a drama, Taehyung slowly started losing time for him. He often cancelled their dates, ignored his calls, left his messages unread; he basically neglected him and left him alone. Maybe he was selfish, maybe all he sees was his own misery, but Jeongguk thinks he’s been too understanding about this matter. He never lashed out on his boyfriend for this. He never tried to ruin his image for this, because he loves him too much.
And too much was never ever a good thing.
“So, you’re just staying here, huh?” a familiar pair of arms makes their way around his waist, as Taehyung sneaks on him, sniffing his nape and showering it with light kisses. He tenses up at that, but like always, he melts to his touch, he succumbs to his little actions. “Do you wanna head home now? I think we still have some business to finish.”
The actor looks at him seductively, eyes all dark and hooded with lust. Jeongguk silently gulped at that, but he can feel his desires burning and his pants tightening at his hyung’s words.
They enter the house and bid the host of the party goodbye, saying they have something important to do. As they finally leave the part, and as soon as they reached their supposed-to-be shared apartment, Taehyung attacks his neck with rough kisses, while they lock the doors and make their way to the bed. The older undresses the whimpering male underneath him, before reconnecting their lips once again, and continue the heated make out session they had in the car earlier.
The night was already deep when they fell asleep in each other’s arms, the sheets being the only thing covering their bodies.
The brunet wakes up with a groan leaving his lips, his body feeling all sore from last night’s activity. The sun shone brightly so he turned around to face the other side, only to find it cold and empty. The sight took away the remnants of sleep left in his body. He then nabbed his phone form the side drawers, finding two new messages coming from his boyfriend.
taehyungie-hyung
morning, guk. sorry if i had to
leave you alone there. mana-
ger-nim called me because i
have a meeting to attend to-
day, and i can’t just let it pass.
i’ll make it up to you, okay?
make sure you get lots of rest…
<3
by the way, last night was ama-
zing ;)) thank you baby
Salty tears escaped his eyes at that.
He returned the phone from where he took it and wiped the tears that stained his cheeks. He left the bed and silently arranged it, despite the ache in his lower back region. The male wore his shirt and pants and went to the bathroom to wash his face, a heavy feeling dwelling in his chest as he stared at the mirror, his reflection looking all wrecked and exhausted.
And once again, tears fell down his cheeks.
Last night was supposed to be something intimate for the both. His boyfriend was supposed to spend the morning with him and wait for him to wake up, they were supposed to share their breakfast together, and they were supposed to be cuddled up after, but that wasn’t the case. The case was that Taehyung left him all alone inside their bedroom early because he has some stupid fucking schedule to attend, he had to wake up with no one beside him and to stupid messages from the older apologizing why he had to leave early, and he had to start the day with tears already staining his cheeks. He felt so tired of the same cycle, and it’s starting to feel that the actor was only using him for pleasure. The words Namjoon told him last night appeared to be even more untrue after this, and the doubts he had in the back of his mind just became stronger. The young man didn’t like the feeling his chest contains, but it just worsens as things become even more complicated between the two of them.
He doesn’t know what to do anymore.
Hours after, he leaves their apartment—or should he say, his apartment since his partner rarely even goes there—hoping to get his mind off the saddening thoughts. Walking along the streets helped him feel a bit lighter, but as soon as he came across a billboard with the handsome male’s face on it, all the heavy, angsty feelings came back to him. He momentarily forgot the fact that he’s always going to be greeted by that stupid face anywhere he goes. He forgot that Kim Taehyung is a popular actor for a short while, and that he can’t avoid seeing him wherever he goes. Jeongguk just lets a heavy sigh leave his lips before he continues walking, trying his best not to be fazed by all the posters and advertisements that displayed his boyfriend’s face proudly.
Soon, he found himself entering a familiar place. The smell of chicken being cooked greeted him, along with the waiters and crew moving fast to do their job. He lined up and ordered the usual he had back then when he—they were still a regular here, feeling the nostalgia hit him. the dark-haired boy takes his seat at the farthest corner of the place, as there were only a moderate number of customers staying inside. The interior of the fast food chain had changed over the years, probably from the renovations they had, but it still managed to bring back the happy memories of the past. Back then, Taehyung and he would often frequent this place, talk about things, rant about the stupidest bullshits in life, and just freely spend time with one another. They were really happy, really carefree, really content with having one another by their side. It contrasts everything that they have today, because now, the popular male would not show up to their dates anymore. He’d rather spend his time with his work, or with his celebrity friends, rather than his own boyfriend. The two of them were barely content with what they have, and for Jeongguk, it doesn’t feel happy anymore. His thoughts hurt a lot, but it was the truth.
And truths are what hurt you the most.
He felt a tap on his shoulder as he recognized the familiar figure in front of him. Kim Seokjin places his own tray of food on his table as he greeted the younger with a smile on his face. “Jeongguk? Hey, nice seeing you here.”
“H-Hey Jin-hyung,” the surprised male replied, still processing the thought. He never expected to see Namjoon’s fiancé in a place like this, clad in a plain gray sweatshirt and pants. Seokjin seemed to be a filthy rich guy, especially with the way he looked yesterday. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I could tell,” the man laughs, and Jeongguk could tell why Namjoon wanted to marry him. Kim Seokjin was really beautiful outside, and even inside, as it seems. “I’m just normal like you, you know, and I enjoy eating in places like this as well. It makes me feel more of a person that all those fancy restaurants out there. Not that I don’t enjoy the food—they’re delicious, I tell you—but I just want to keep the simple lifestyle, you know?”
“Y-Yeah, right.” he totally agrees with him. A small glum smile makes its way on his lips realizing how life seemed complicated for him unlike for Seokjin, and the hyung didn’t fail to notice that.
“You don’t seem to be so happy,” the other remarked, and the brunet just remained silent at that. He was tired of trying to show that he’s fine, because he was so tired of trying to deal with all the bullshits happening in his life. It’s not as if he’s good at hiding his feelings, but the exhaustion he felt was reaching the limit. “I noticed that, too, yesterday at the party. I sensed that you weren’t comfortable with those kinds of people, but it appears to me that there’s more to it than that.”
“Y-Yeah,” he smiles a bit awkwardly and looks down on his food, avoiding the eye contact Jin was trying to initiate. “But it’s nothing b-big, though.”
“I know that look. It’s about Taehyung, am I right?” the older queried, and it rendered him silent. They only met last night, but why does it seem like the other knows a lot about him already? Was he really that transparent, that bad at hiding how he feels right now? “Your silence must have meant yes. I’m guessing, it’s because of his career? You can share things to me, okay? I know how you feel, believe me.”
“B-But I don’t really know you that much,” he fumbles over his words, because he doesn’t want to hurt his companion in any way. He handsome guy was kind enough to try help him and listen to his problems, but he’s still not sure whether he could trust him with this matter. He’s Namjoon’s fiancé after all. “A-And, you’re Namjoon-hyung’s boyfriend. Y-You might tell it to him, and he might tell this to Tae.”
“Some things are meant to be kept between certain people, and this is one of them. You can trust me, Jeonggukie. I’ve bene through this as well,” he reassures him, his beautiful, dark brown eyes proving him that he was genuine with his words. The dongsaeng just sighed. “And the way you didn’t deny it just means that it really is about him.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” he just affirmed it, because saying that it’s would not do so much anymore. It already appears to him that Seokjin knows something about it and that he could seemingly read him so easily. “I—I just feel so confused and frustrated. I feel so bad and everything seemed to hurt so much.”
“Why?”
“I feel so neglected. I—I know I sound selfish, but sometimes I just want to have him all by myself. I—I just want him to give me some time. I just want him to remember that he still has me waiting for him every day,” his tears started to fall again, as his voice started to crack. The hyung rubbed his arm and patted his shoulder in attempt to comfort him. “Yes, I’m happy that he’s getting what he’s getting now, I’m happy that his hardwork is finally paying off, but I can’t just give him my whole support. Somehow, I just wanted him to come back to where we are supposed to live together without having to leave early the next day. I just wanted him to come back to me not just for pleasure or what, but because he really wanted to see me. it hurts keeping this all to myself, it hurts so much that until now, I still love him so much. It hurts to think that now, I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one in love, and that this is not gonna work out anymore.”
“Jeongguk-ah…”
“I-I just want him to make me feel that he still loves me back, hyung,” he cries silently, because it felt so overbearing already. Kit felt so heavy in his chest, like somebody stuck a huge stone inside. “Is it—Is it too much to ask for?”
“No, it’s not,” the other goes over to his side and rubs circles on his back. He felt so pathetic for being unable to keep it all to himself, for looking all vulnerable in front of someone he has only known for a day, but he can’t do anything about it now. Seokjin tried to do his best giving him comfort. “It’s not too much, it will never be too much. You deserve to feel his love, to be give his attention, because you are the one he chose to love. You’re his boyfriend, Jeonggukie, and you deserve that from him. However, even if you want that, you can never always have that. Taehyung is a well-known actor here in the country, and it’s expected that he’s going to have his hands full with schedules and such. You can’t expect things to be going the way you want it. You can’t always have his time, Jeongguk, and you have to be prepared for that fact. I know you know how Tae struggled before he reached where he is right now better than me, and by that you should know how he values his career so much. You have to be more open-minded about this matter, or things won’t really work out between the two of you. I know it’s hard for you, but you have to stay strong. You have to be patient, and I believe in you, Jeongguk-ah. I do.”
“I’m about to reach my limits, hyung,” he sniffs, as Seokjin engulfs him in a hug. “A-And I don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Taehyungie loves you, okay? Keep that in mind. He chose you, and I can see that he treasures you so much. You make him so happy, and even though he seemingly can’t do the same right now, I know he wants to do the same for you. You can see in his eyes how he loves you so much,” the older tells him in attempt to ease the feeling in his chest, but it doesn’t look like a truth anymore. “Just trust him, Guk-ah. Trust him.”
I wish I still could, his thoughts say, but it gets harder every day.
“Y-Yeah,” he just mumbles, almost inaudibly, as he tries to drown back the sobs about to escape him. “Yeah.”
“Now let’s eat, hm?” the elder smiles at him, as he took a deep breath, rubbing all the tears away. “Food is not served for us to cry on it.”
He tries to muster up a small smile. “Yeah.”
Weeks have already passed by ever since the talk with Seokjin and things have become busier for him as well. He was loaded with work, but he still tries to find some time to communicate with Taehyung. He would not get replies as usual, due to the schedule and activities the actor has but he still tries. He’s slowly losing hope, but he still does his best not to, because he wants everything to work out. However, everything becomes harder as each day passes.
He comes home from work after a day full of workloads and stuff. It was his birthday today, but despite all the greetings he got from his coworkers earlier (especially from Jimin, the guy has been greeting him nonstop), it didn’t feel like it was. The young man changed into something more comfortable before plopping down on his bed, fishing his phone out from his bag.
no new messages.
He knew he should expect less from the older male, but it was his birthday today. He thought that maybe, Taehyung will take some time off so that he could at least spend some time with him. Jeongguk thought that he would at least receive a message from the actor because the guy never forgot his birthday even once, but he was so wrong on many levels. Now he was here, staring at his phone and waiting for that awaited notification to pop up, but after a few minutes he realized he’s not getting one. His boyfriend was definitely too busy for his upcoming activities to even remember that it was his boyfriend’s birthday today.
“You can’t expect things to be going the way you want it,” Seokjin’s words rang in his head nonstop like a mantra, reminding him that he can’t have things to be always on his side. “You can’t always have his time, Jeongguk-ah.”
Yeah. Seokjin was right.
Jeongguk can not always have things to go in his way. He can not always have Taehyung’s time because it belongs to those people waiting for him to come see them. Even during his birthday, he cannot spend a little time with the elder because it belongs to his career, not him. Taehyung is not his now, he was never his property and he never felt like he belonged to him for how long now, even after all the years they’ve spent together. He belongs up there, where the spotlights are focused on him, where people are chanting his name out loud. He’s not supposed to be with someone like him, and Jeongguk acknowledges that fact. He knows that very well, so he endures.
But it’s my fucking birthday, Taehyung, his heart wants to shout in pain, but he never could. And you never forgot it.
The tears he held cascaded down his cheeks.
The next day went the wrong way. His eyes were still red, and his face was a bit puffy when he went to work. Jimin, being the caring guy that he is, continuously bugged him of what happened, but he knew he could never tell him. Lies helped him solve the predicament, but as the day went by, he just realized that it was a wrong idea to go to his workplace. Jimin kept on talking about the interview Taehyung had last night and how he finally got tickets for the fanmeeting in attempt to cheer him up. It made him want to burst out in tears, but he kept his emotions in check, reminding himself that his shorter friend is just doing that to make him smile and because he was just really happy as the actor’s fanboy.
But the cause of his happiness was the cause of his sadness.
Jimin and him parted ways as they reached the train station. With a pat on his shoulder, the older went to the other side of the city, while he waited for the train to finally arrive. As soon as he got on one, he let out a small, inaudible sigh and took a seat, his eyes staring at the sights before him. He felt so empty and exhausted, so lonely as he glanced at some people before him. He wanted to just simply lay down once he reaches home and go sleep, but with the recent events earlier and mostly yesterday he knew he won’t be able to do that. Jeongguk felt so heavy right now, but all he could do was to sigh.
He soon reached his apartment and hung his coat on its usual position. He removed his shoes and placed it on the shoe rack and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, when he heard a doorbell ring and door knocks. He viewed who was it and it surprised him a little when he saw it was Taehyung. He opened the door, and he was greeted by the guy’s boxy smile.
“Hey Gukkie.” the male’s face looked bright and sunny, but what he feels seeing that is nowhere near how he looks like. He doesn’t feel any bits of happiness even with his boyfriend’s presence in front of him.
“I didn’t expect you to come here today.” he said, his voice sounding a bit colder than how he usually welcomes the other. He walked back to the kitchen to get his glass filled in with water, and upon reaching the counter, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist.
“I missed you, do you know that?” the black-haired male lessened the gap between the two of them, pressing their bodies close to each other. Taehyung attaches his lips to his earlobes, gently nibbling it, before moving to his nape to pepper it with light kisses.
But he wasn’t feeling it. He slightly pushed the older away as he washed the glass on the sink. “I’m not in the mood, Tae. I wanna go sleep.”
“We can just cuddle,” Tae says to him, as he wipes the glass dry, before placing it on the cupboard. He dries his hand and walks to his room, opening his closet to get some clothes while the elder just follows him closely. Jeongguk doesn’t want to give the guy this treatment, but he can’t help himself. Taehyung sensed that there’s something wrong, and Guk cursed himself for being so transparent. “Is there something wrong, Gukkie? You’ve been silent when I came here.”
He keeps quiet. Taehyung continues to pester him after that. “Did I do something? What’s wrong, Guk? Tell me.”
Still no response coming from hm, the elder starts to get frustrated.
“Jeongguk,” his name leaves the man’s lips, his voice going deeper and lower than it should be. The younger stops whatever he was doing but he doesn’t face the other. He knew he was starting to get him annoyed. “Tell me what’s your problem. I’m starting to get upset here.”
“You’re upset?” he fires back sarcastically, the bitterness he felt showing up. Taehyung has the audacity to talk about being upset when he has no idea how Jeongguk was feeling. “Then how about me? Shouldn’t I be more upset than you? You just forgot my birthday, Tae! My fucking birthday. Now tell me how I should feel about that then. Tell me.”
“You’re seriously mad at me just because of a simple birthday?” the actor was questioning him in disbelief, sneering as he sticks his tongue in his cheek. “It’s just a mere birthday! We can always celebrate it some other time. Stop being petty, Jeongguk.”
Petty?
What the fuck?
“Petty? Are you for real?” he can’t believe his boyfriend’s words at him. His own boyfriend. “It’s your fucking boyfriend’s birthday, Taehyung! What the fuck? You just call that petty? Am I really that boring to you? That insignificant? Do you enjoy it more when you spend time with your celebrity friends than me?”
“Stop it, Jeongguk. I didn’t come here for the—”
“No! Answer me, Taehyung. Am I a boring guy for you? Am I really that unimpor—”
“Yes!” the older screams at him in frustration, rendering him silent. The mere word shattered something inside his chest. “Yes. Are you happy now? Did you get the answer you’ve been looking for?”
Taehyung’s face had the look of exasperation written on it, but it changed into something when he noticed Jeongguk’s eyes looking all glassy and broken.
“So this is how it is,” his voice broke the silence between them, the stupid, nasty tears cascading down his cheeks. “I see. I see.”
He flees the place, hearing the older shout his name inside the apartment. His tears did not stop falling as he left the building and walked through the streets alone. As he finally reached the train station, he took his phone out and dialed a particular number.
“H-Hyung, can I stay with you tonight?”
“Are you sure you’re going to Daegu today?” Hoseok asks him, as Jeongguk dresses up with some clothes he borrowed from him. “Are you really sure abut this decision? Don’t you want to talk it out with Taehyung first?”
“I don’t think it will do anything,” he smiles at the older, but the way his eyes held sadness in them tells the other that he wasn’t feeling any bits of what a smile should imply. “Thanks for letting me stay the night, hyung. I’m going now.”
“Take care, Gukkie-ah.”
As he strolled along the streets and as he hailed a cab, his mind kept on drifting to the happenings last night. He knew he went overboard with his questions, but he never anticipated to hear those words from his boyfriend’s lips. Right now, Jeongguk doesn’t even know what they are. It doesn’t just feel like they were still together anymore. There was no communication between them, and Taehyung has no idea of what he has been feeling already. The same goes for him; he doesn’t have any clue of what’s going on inside the other’s mind. The young man doesn’t, or rather, cannot fathom how they even lasted like this, for the past few months, and with the confrontation last night, he’s getting sure of one thing now.
Their relationship won’t last long.
He soon reached the train station and took the train to Daegu. The ride was long, but with all these thoughts scattered in his mind, he never felt like it. Along the way, he still kept on thinking about it. A tear would dare escape his eye, but he was fast to wipe it away. He has no clue on what he should do anymore. He already wants to give up; after all, he wasn’t significant to Taehyung now. Time is up for the both of them. It’s time to let go, to move on, to start anew, but how should he do that? How should he start all over when he is still attached to the actor until now? Jeongguk has had enough already. He waited patiently for his calls, he stayed up later than he should hoping for him to get a single message from the older, but he’s sacrificed too much that it’s slowly breaking him. It’s slowly breaking him, and he knew it has to stop.
The train soon stopped, and he got off.
He called a cab and rode it to the place where he used to go during the hard times. He badly wanted to see his hyung, and the moment the vehicle stopped in front of an apartment complex, his heart started pounding loudly. He felt various kinds of emotions. After paying for the fare and taking the flight of stairs to the designated floor, he knocked on the first door and heard it click open after a few moments.
“Jeongguk-ah?” a surprised sounding voice muttered. Min Yoongi stood in front of him in his pajamas, hair still a bit messy like he had just woken up from sleep. “I didn’t expect you to come here today. What are you doing here in Daegu? You’re supposed to be working today, aren’t you?”
“An absent wouldn’t hurt, I guess. I’m seeing you anyways,” Guk told the older guy, as he embraced him. Yoongi looked even more floored at that, while the younger savored the moment he felt at that moment. “I missed you so much, hyung. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to talk to you that much recently. I’ve been busy.” And lonely.
“It’s okay. My schedule’s been hectic as well,” the blonde tells him. “We should go inside. I know that there are things that we should talk about.”
“You make it sound like I only come here whenever I have problems,” the visitor laughed, while the host went to the kitchen to get them a pitcher of water. The younger looked around his brother’s little home and noticed that nothing much has changed ever since he last came here. “This was still the same from what I remember. It’s funny.”
Yoongi places down glasses and a pitcher, before speaking straightforwardly, unlike him. “Stop beating around the bush and tell me. You came here because something happened. What is it?"
The older male’s question strikes something in his chest. He looks away, before finally breaking the silence wearing a glum smile he had ever since Taehyung started losing time for him.
“I-I don’t know how to start, to be honest,” he takes a deep breath, before he speaks again. “Things has been really, really rough for me. We—we were supposed to be happy, supposed to be staying together, supposed to be just together, but I was wrong. I-I’m insignificant to him now. I’m—I’m not just important to him anymore. All—all I want was a little time, but I guess that was too much to ask for. I-I can’t make him happy anymore, hyung. He’s not happy with me anymore. I’m just not enough. And I want to stop, but I don’t know how. It really hurts, hyung. It—It hurts a lot. I hate this feeling so much. I-I hate being left alone like this. I just don’t understand at all.”
“Let him go, Jeongguk.”
His hyung stares at him, the usual sleepy looking eyes looking all soft and concerned now. Yoongi inched closer to him and held him in his arms, something he doesn’t usually do unless he sees him like this. It causes his tears to spill out, as he felt even more feeble than before.
“He—both of you, it’s not working out. it’s either one of you is hurt, and it’s not healthy. You—you can’t keep on making sacrifices, Guk-ah. You can’t always be giving everything. You have to save some for yourself. If pain is all your relationship can bring, then it’s better to end it soon. You deserve happiness for yourself, too, and you’re not with him for him just to make you feel like this,” Yoongi rubbed circles on his back, comforting him. “So let him go. It’s okay to end things when you don’t feel that it’s still right. It’s for the both of you. You’re doing this for the both of you.”
“Hyung,” sobs escaped his lips as pain overtook his heart. “Hyung, I don’t want it to be like this. I—I don’t want to be hurt anymore.”
“It will be fine. It will be.” Yoongi tries to reassure him, as he pressed himself closer to his hyung.
And the day passes by with the older comforting a heartbroken Jeongguk.
He waited at the fast food chain he and Taehyung liked to go in the past before he became an actor. It had been almost thirty minutes since eleven in the morning but the guy he’s meeting up with still hasn’t arrived. He told himself not to hope much about it, though. The guy might not even go see him, and he doesn’t want to expect so much anymore. Jeongguk was considering the thought of leaving when he heard someone running towards his table, panting.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Kim Taehyung arrives as Jeongguk only smiles at him, used to the guy being like that. There’s definitely a reason why he’s late this time. “I got caught in traffic.”
“It’s fine,” he brushes it off as if it’s nothing. “I’m happy you were able to come.”
Both of them remained quiet as the man takes the seat in front of his own. On their table were their usual orders, and both of them silently ate. Jeongguk had a smile plastered on his face, while Taehyung watched him, a certain expression on his face that the younger rarely saw after how many months.
“Guk,” Taehyung holds his hand, guilt written all over his face. “I—I’m sorry. You know that what I’ve said before isn’t true, and that I didn’t mean to say them to you. I just—”
“It’s okay, I know.” he says meekly. Another period of quietude ensues.
“How are you?” the older asks him after a while, his voiced laced with worry. Jeongguk wanted to chuckle at that, because all these months he never heard that kind of voice from him. He restrains himself, though. “You’ve been gone for days and I couldn’t even contact you. I was so worried; I didn’t know where to find you. You weren’t answering my calls and messages. Where did you go? I really missed you a lot, and I’m sorry for saying those. I really didn’t mean them, Jeongguk. I didn’t intend to say them to you.”
Silence remained again for a while, before the younger speaks up. He maintains an eye contact with the other, despite the corners of his eyes starting to get clouded with tears. “I stayed in Daegu with my brother,” he says. “And he made me realize something.”
“What—What is it?”
“I’m—I’m not the perfect person for you, Tae,” he tells him, as his lips started trembling. There was something stuck inside his chest, but he knew that the time has come. “I’m not the one you deserve. I can’t make you fully happy. I-I can’t give you the full support you need whenever you’re about to start a drama. I-I can’t even be understanding towards you. We don’t understand each other anymore. We don’t even talk so much already, so how can we call this a relationship?”
The surroundings became unusually quiet. Taehyung stares at him, disbelief in his eyes.
“I don’t like the sound of this, Guk,” the actor’s voice was starting to waver, but Jeongguk can see how much he’s trying not to let that show. “Please tell me that my thoughts are wrong. You’re not gonna break up with me, right? Please Guk, tell me.”
“It’s the best time to do this,” he just replies, the smile on his lips slowly fading as the ache he feels inside his chest worsens. But it was the proper thing to do; he can’t keep on hurting himself over and over. “We can’t keep on being like this. We’re—we’re unhappy even if we are together, and it’s not the best for the both of us. We can’t keep on bringing pain to each other. You deserve someone who can support you wholeheartedly in your career, who can be patient and understanding whenever you can’t be there for them. I’m not that person, and I hope you find the right one for you. You deserve happiness, and it’s not with me. It’s not with me, Taehyung.”
“Please don’t do this, Jeonggukie,” Taehyung’s eyes were pleading for him to stay, and for a moment Jeongguk doubts his decision. “We can still fix this. Please give me a chance. I’ll fix this. We’ll fix this. Guk-ah…”
The older male sounded so desperate, but it wasn’t enough to change his mind. However, the next words that left the male’s lips had him questioning his choice.
“I-I can give up my career if you want to. If it makes you unhappy, the I’ll stop being an actor. Just please don’t do this. I love you so much, Gukkie. I love you.” Taehyung was begging, his tears spilling down on his cheeks. He clasped his hands tightly, as if he’s scared of letting him go.
“No, Tae. Don’t say that,” he replies, trying to remove his hand from the others. “Acting has been your passion ever since we met, and I don’t want you to just give it up like that. I’m doing this for the both of us, for you and for myself, because I realized that I’m just not ready to live this kind of life you have, and that I’m not the one you deserve to have. I can’t bear to drag you down just because of that. I’m setting you free because I want you to fulfill your dreams, to reach your goals, and to be really happy with someone who can give you what I can’t. I love you, Taehyung, but we’re not just made for each other.”
“Guk-ah, don’t do this please.” The older held his hand even tighter.
“Goodbye, Taehyungie-hyung,” Jeongguk smiles, as he lets the last tears cascade down his cheeks. “I hope you’ll be successful and happy with everything.”
“Jeongguk, please.” But the younger let go of his hand and gives him a one last smile before walking away.
“I love you, Kim Taehyung. Remember that.”