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2019-08-29
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On the way to Fairbanks

Summary:

Victor and Nelli get a chance to talk about their relationship and some of the latest problems.

Season 3 spoilers until epilogue 2.

Notes:

I still have hope there will be an epilogue for them, but I'm impatient so I wrote this.

I heard a lot of Fire on Fire by Sam Smith and also Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift and Like Real People Do by Hozier thanks to life_unsolved ^-^ so that's what inspired me, I guess.

English is not my first language, so please tell me if I'm doing something wrong. Also, any constructive critics are greatly appreciated!

Work Text:

The SUV pulled over in front of the building, and he sent a quick text to let her know he was at the door. Bailey was on the wheel, but Victor was not on the mood for small talk and just took the downtime to check the news on his phone until the sound of the door opening made him raise his head. It was absolutely impossible not to stare at her beauty for a second, even after so many years, that was something he was never getting used to. 

“Hey. Looking good”, he complimented as Nelli took her seat, and the genuine smile she used to thank him just made her look even better. Her clothing and jewelry were a little simpler than the usual, due to where they were headed, and her shoes seemed appropriate, although they were not at all flat. Bailey said a polite hello to her before looking to his boss through the rearview mirror to ask where he should drive them to. “Hollywood Forever”, Victor said, and the man nodded and started the engine. As the car began to move, Nelli let out a loud dramatic sigh, looking at him through her long eyelashes in what he learned to recognize as the frustrated look she gave when about to do something she didn’t want to. “Come now, my darling, this could actually go well! If it’s really awful, you can even close your eyes for a second…”

He was trying to be optimistic, but she was clearly not buying into that, her mouth opening and closing a few times with indignation. “Close my eyes? As if one second of relief could make it better! It’s gonna be a disaster, completely outrageous…” her pitch went up when she got mad like that, and Victor couldn’t help but laugh. Being forced to watch a Nosferatu fashion show was for sure one of the most sophisticated ways to torture a Toreador, and as much as he empathized with her pain, he had to recognize Golden’s genius. "Stop laughing! It's a tragedy!" her eyes were shooting daggers at him, and Victor knew better than to defy that look. It took a minute, but the laughter died out. 

"This will be fine, you're very strong and I believe in you." he said, a smile still on his face, and Nelli rolled her eyes, averting her gaze. In moments like this, when he's so blatantly making fun of her, she often wonders how on earth she ended up loving this insufferable Ventrue. But she quickly took that away from her mind, not allowing that four letters word to stay too long in her thoughts. "Speaking of… how was your meeting?" the question brought her gaze back to him, and helped her forget for a moment about everything she didn't want to think about. 

"Weird would be a good way to describe it" she said, and his face changed instantly to show a mix of worry and confusion. She then started to explain what happened in the garden, telling about the cryptic messages and the unsettling possession. They pondered for a bit about who could be making Suzanne so afraid, if she was even telling the truth, but they couldn't get to any conclusions. 

"So, one more thing to worry about. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. Well, on the bright side, you didn't have to face her so soon." Nelli wasn't expecting to hear that, and her eyebrows instantly arched up in disbelief. 

"Oh, now you worry about this?" her voice was sharp and the disdain hurt him like a dagger. But he took it, he deserved it.

"I'm sorry." he said, raising his hands in a defensive pose. "I know I shouldn't have put you in that position, not without asking you first. I was desperate and had to make a fast decision, and maybe it wasn't the best one, but it kept us alive."

Her eyes followed all the signature gestures he made with the hands while he spoke, her gaze hard and analytical. "I know, Victor. The thing is, I should've been at your side, making that decision with you, not on the other room listening behind the door like a child." with a small sigh, he nodded. Getting a little closer, he reached slowly to touch her shoulder, giving her time to stop him if she wanted. She didn't, and his fingertips touched the bare skin next to where her shirt begun. 

"You're right. You're my queen, I won't forget that again." he assured, and a small smile crossed her face. Unexpectedly, Nelli reached for his hand on her shoulder and took it from there to bring his fingers to her lips, brushing a soft kiss on his skin, next to the knuckles, before letting him go. A shiver ran down his spine with this unusual show of affection coming from her, but he kept it to himself, just retrieving his hand and smiling while her attention turned to the city outside the window by her side.

Her thoughts wandered while she admired the beautiful buildings under the moon. There was so much going on, so many people they had to take care of, so many problems to worry about… sometimes her mind took her back to when it was just her and Victor, before Jasper, before Annabelle, before this fucking war, just the two of them working together, helping each other with their business, having fun. There was no time for fun anymore, and all these little moments they had with each other now seemed like borrowed time, so precious and so fragile. And yet, lots of things they left unsaid weighted between them, turning this rare moments that were supposed to be nice into ash in her mouth. Right now, she didn't want to argue, all she wanted was to lean into him and be at peace for a little while. But there could be no peace when things between them were so tense, and there was only one way to end the weight of unsaid words: saying them.

"There's another thing that we need to talk about." she said, after a long moment of silence, turning back to look at him. Victor didn't need words to respond, only gesturing for her to go on with his typical mannerisms. "Abrams."

That took him off guard, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "What about him?" the peaceful moment was over, the tension rose between them instantly, so thick that they could almost feel it in their skins, almost hostile. 

"Oh you still wanna do this? Pretending that everything's fine? 'Cause you're terrible at it, darling." she crossed her arms, staring at him with a disapproving and annoyed look. 

"Nothing's fine, Nelli. But you know what? It's like I said to Velvet, your relationship with him is not my business." he tried to sound cool, but his words fired her up.

" Velvet ? You're talking to Velvet now?" again her pitch went higher, but it wasn't funny this time.

"Yeah, at the Maharani-- that's beyond the point! What I mean is: it's not my business, and we've always worked very well by respecting each other's privacy." he gestured with his hand in the space between them, trying to get his point across, and she rolled her eyes again.

"Yes, but that was before… before all of this. Before you threw a tantrum because I borrowed his tactical force." she arched an eyebrow as she said it, her face mirroring the judgmental tone in her voice. He put a hand in this chest, looking offended. 

"A tantrum? Yeah, I threw a tantrum, if that's what you wanna call it." the argument was heating up fast. Victor saw, in the corner of his eyes, that Bailey was worriedly looking at them though the rearview mirror, but he couldn't bring himself to care, or to tone down. "Excuse me if I don't want to be in debt with--"

"Shut up, Victor!" that was so sudden that he immediately stopped talking, taken aback. They've had their share of fights, but she has never been so harsh with him before. "I know all this arguments, I don't need to hear them again!" she took a deep breath and averted her gaze, looking at the window for a second before focusing on her own hands over her lap. A heavy second passed in silence. Victor looked intensely at her, his brow furrowed, hurt and worried at the same time. Nelli felt his gaze burning on her, but kept looking down, trying to calm herself staring at her recently manicured nails. They were perfect again, and that soothered her a little bit, but not as much as she needed. "I'm so tired … to keep fighting all the time" her voice broke when she said that, and she rested her forehead in her fingertips, half burying her face in her hand.

Victor had to resist the urge to reach her, hug her, anything to take that pained look away from her face. Instead, he just let out a deep sigh, letting go of his anger, but still too weary to say or do anything. Unsettled by his unusual quietness, Nelli slowly turned to look at him again, and they held each other's gaze for a moment. Each in an end of the backseat, eyes looked in the other, they looked like two cornered animals, both hurt and hesitant, both needing a confrontation, but wanting so desperately to avoid it. When the silence was broken, surprisingly, it was by Nelli. "I understand that you're mad at him, you have every right to be. But it doesn't change that I care about him." 

Care about , yes, she  also said she cared about Victor, sometimes. Even though he said he loved her in every chance he got, she wouldn't say it back. It didn't matter, because she showed it, in her own subtle way, and he understood. He understood that love was a very complicated matter with her, he knew her trust didn't come easily and that when she said she cared about him, that was huge . Her saying the same about Abrams added more weight in the whole situation, and brought a sour taste in his mouth. She deserved Isaac's love the same way she deserved his, and as much as Victor didn't like the other Baron, he could never take any of those away from her. "I know you do, and I would never ask you to stop seeing him or anything."

"But you don't like that I'm seeing him." it was not a question, and her tone made very clear that she wasn't happy about it. 

Victor sighed, his fingers pressing the bridge of his nose for a second. "Honestly? No, I don't like it. I just… for whatever reason, I expected you would be on my side with this." in this moment, he didn't try to hide how hurt he was. The heated fight had turned into a quiet argument with too many truths being said, and neither of them could tell what hurt more. 

Surprising him once again, Nelli reached for his hand, and their fingers tangled almost automatically. "I'm not not on your side,'' she said, mimicking his almost standard line, and he let out a small laugh in spite of himself, shaking his head. But when he looked into her eyes again, Nelli could see that he was still hurt. She should be used at hurting people by this point, with the amount of jealous lovers she surrounds herself with, but Victor was different. He wasn't a Brad that she would toss around like a toy, he was her partner, in every sense of the word, they respected and protected each other, and the last thing she wanted was to hurt him. She pondered for a second what to do, and then let out a deep, defeated sigh. "You want to know why I've been seeing him more lately?"

The way he arched his eyebrows told that he didn't see that coming. "I don't need to, as I said, it's not my business, and you don't have to share if you don't want. But yes, I'd like to know, if that's ok." he said, as thoughtful and respectful of her boundaries as he always was. 

Their hands were still together, and she broke the eye contact to look at them, entranced by the beautiful contrast they made. "There's some things going on with him," she said at last, hesitant, choosing the right words as she let go of his hand "personal things I've been helping him with, nothing to do with this feud of yours. Nothing you should worry about." It was vague, but it would have to be enough, because she wouldn't tell Victor about the beckoning. He had too much to worry about already, without knowing that one of the Barons might disappear in any given night, and she certainly didn't want him to try to use it somehow against Isaac. The last thing she wanted was to be forced to pick a side between them, or, even worse, to be used by either on this petty fight. Raising her eyes to meet his again, she saw him nodding, resigned. 

"Alright. That's fine, ok, cool." he was saying that too much to be really fine, but he was genuinely relieved that at least they were being honest about this mess. Or as much honest as they could be. 

She stared at his eyes, with the disbelieving look she usually gave when calling his bullshit. "Don't need to be jealous about it" she teased, a small smile playing in her lips, and just like that the heavy mood started to fade.

"I'm not jealous. I know you're into it, my darling, but--" he laughed, raising his hands on a defensive stance, and they were themselves  again, teasing and light like it was supposed to be.

"As if!" she flipped her hair and rolled her eyes, outraged by his insinuation, making him laugh even more.

"Oh, you're not? Isn't that what you want, to have all of us at your feet?" his voice was lower when he said that, and he leaned a little closer to her, provocative. She closed her eyes and raised her fingers to touch her own chin and make herself face away from him, letting out the smallest moan. She did this sometimes, looking like she was trying to fight temptation, but it only made her so much more tempting. In that angle, her neck was completely exposed to him, and he tentatively brushed his fingertips near her collarbone. She didn't stop him, so he started to slowly run his fingers up her neck, barely touching. "Yeah, I can see that you like it, we all begging for you, competing for your heart. No one ever winning…" he whispered, as his fingers reached her jawline and delicately took her chin, turning her head to face him again. She turned without resistance and when her eyes opened to meet his, there was fire in them. The good kind of fire. 

"You think there's no winner?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, her voice merely a whisper. They were even closer now, their faces just a few inches apart.

"Oh, is there?" his fingers were still in her chin, but not holding her, just caressing her skin very lightly. Their eyes never left each other's, and they didn't feel the need to pay attention to anything else.

Her lips only moved, no sound leaving them, but the word she said was as clear as it would be if spoken: "maybe". A sly smile played on her lips, and he leaned even closer, just waiting for her to end the distance. But, before she did, the car stopped, and the sudden change made them break apart. Looking around him, Victor saw that they were parked, and Bailey was on the wheel, looking uncomfortable.

"We're, hum... we arrived, sir." the poor man didn't know what to do with himself, so embarrassed that he was. 

"Thank you, Bailey. I don't know how long this is going to take, so you can go around, grab some Pokemon, and I'll call you when we're ready, alright?" he was his charismatic self, pretending that nothing had happened, and Bailey quickly followed his lead, going back to his serious posture and answering with a very professional "yes, sir". When he turned back to Nelli, she was taking her sunglasses from her purse, and looking extremely irritated. "Are you ready, my darling?" he asked as she put her sunglasses on, and she lowered them to the tip of her nose, so she could look at him over the dark lenses.

"For this shitshow? As ready as I'll ever be: not at all!" he laughed again, and she shot him daggers with her eyes before straightening her glasses. 

"You'll be fine. And remember, respect face." he gestured at his own face, and she answered with an annoyed sight, wrinkling her nose a little bit. 

"C'mon, let's get it over with." she said turning on her poker face. He opened the door, getting out of the car, and then reached out his hand to her. She took it as she left the car, and they walked hand in hand to the cemetery.

People say love is rare among the damned, but Victor didn't agree. Love wasn't rare, but it was dangerous, especially in the middle of a war. And, for better or for worse, the fact that their lives - unlives - were in danger, made their love even more precious. It was something beautiful to look up to in the middle of all the mess. What they had was like a crystal vase hanging on a thread, always on the verge of falling and shattering, always needing a delicate balance to hold. It was hard, especially now that they had so many other precious things hanging in threads, it was easy to lose track of the balance. Sometimes it was maddening to think like this, to know that they could so easily be broken. But it was worth it, all the hard times when they're on the verge of falling are a small price to pay for this beautiful crystal to remain intact. And they were balanced for now, maybe just barely, but it had to be enough.

"And after this…?" he asked, looking expectantly at her as they were crossing the gates.

"After this, Fairbanks." Nelli couldn't help the little smile crossing her face.