Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They're going to get ice cream when it happens. Shouto guesses that they should start to expect villain attacks when they're out; they're famous, after all. Though, he thinks with a bit of derision, he does sometimes miss being able to go out and NOT have some small time thug try to get the jump on the UA students that held their own against the League of Villains for some stupid attempt at momentary glory.

One second Izuku is beside him, laughing and chattering about a hero analysis video that someone made on their class, and the next second he's being dragged into a narrow alley by a petty criminal, his ice cream cone plopping uselessly to the sidewalk. Shouto is immediately pissed off. He'd gotten the chance to spend a day off with Midoriya, and now he was going to have to kick someone's ass for attacking his best friend; That is, if Midoriya doesn't kick their ass first.

He ducks into the alleyway that is FAR too dark for this time of the afternoon, and instead of finding him in a scuffle with a villain, he finds Izuku on the ground, and whoever grabbed him nowhere to be seen. His heart leaps to his throat. He scans the area cautiously for a moment before rushing to his friend's side. He gently turns him over, and cradles him in his arms. Izuku's head lolls to the side. He's out cold.

"Shit," Shouto murmurs, and out of the corner of his eye, he spots a glint of movement. Without even thinking, he shoots ice in that direction. There's a strangled yelp as the ice encases the villain. Shouto looks up then, and finds a grungy looking man attempting feebly to somehow squirm out of the pillar of ice that surrounds him. There are curled horns atop his head, and his matted blonde hair falls into his eyes. Aside from the horns, he looks relatively normal.

Shouto sets Izuku down gently, and then stands. He lets flames light up along his face and left arm, and ice begins to crystalize the ground around his right foot. The villain whimpers.
"What did you do to him?" Shouto has no doubts that he paints an intimidating picture.

"N-n-n-n-no! Nothing! He's just knocked out!" the man cries, teeth chattering from the cold.

"I hope so," Shouto says irritatedly, "for your sake."

He puts out his fire, steps out of the circle of ice, and turns away to call in to the police and report the incident.
He turns back to the thug one last time, "Maybe they'll get here before the frostbite sets in." The villain swears.

Shouto sighs and sets about picking Izuku up, securing him in his arms before heading out of the alleyway and in the direction of the nearest hospital. He'd declined to wait for the police to arrive, noting that it'd be faster if he just took Izuku himself. They happened to be oddly close. He counts himself lucky.

A few blocks into his walk, by some bizarre twist of the universe, Shouto hears a familiar voice frantically shouting his name.

"Todoroki!" he looks to his left to find Kirishima running across the street with absolutely no regard for the cars that he's cutting off, dragging an extremely irritated Bakugou by the wrist behind him. Of all the people to encounter... He's grateful for Kirishima. He's kind, he cares about his classmates. He probably just wants to help. But Bakugou... He's probably the last classmate that Shouto would want to see right now. He wonders, if Kirishima hadn't dragged him over here, if Bakugou would have even broken stride.

"Todoroki! Dude!" he yells again, and Shouto really wishes he wouldn't. He's drawing the attention of the passerby on the street. A car blares its horn at them, and Bakugou lets out a stream of colorful swears, igniting the hand that Kirishima isn't attached to. Kirishima is completely unfazed. The duo finally, blessedly, reaches them.

Kirishima holds his hands out as though he's going to try to take Izuku out of his arms, and Shouto flinches back on reflex, cradling Midoriya closer. "Woah, dude, relax," Kirishima says kindly, waving his hands, "What happened? Is he okay?"

"He's hopefully just be knocked out. Some idiot tried to drag him into an alley." Shouto answers, adjusting his hold on Izuku. He's heavier than he looks. He's rather... dense, in more ways that one. Shouto nearly snorts at the thought. "I'm taking him to the hospital. I don't know if the guy used his quirk, or hit him over the head, or what. He needs to be checked out."

"We'll come with you!" Kirishima exclaims brightly, and Bakugou explodes.

"I'm not going anywhere with that damn loser! He went and got himself knocked out, that's HIS problem! I'm not going to that fucking hospital!" Shouto really wishes he'd stop screaming. He's drawing attention to them again.

"Bakugou!" Kirishima turns to face him, grabbing him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly, "We gotta go! One of our friends is hurt and we gotta be there for him! It wouldn't be manly to just leave him!" For one tense second, Shouto thinks that Bakugou might literally blow Kirishima up. He really, REALLY just wants to get Izuku to the hospital.

Then, by some miracle of God, Bakugou shrugs out of Kirishima's grasp and grumbles irritatedly, "Fucking FINE jesus CHRIST but we're not fucking staying there." Kirishima grins widely, and throws an arm around Bakugou's shoulder.

Shouto takes that as his cue to start walking again. Kirishima and Bakugou trail behind him. They reach the hospital in another handful of minutes, and they're checked in with relative expediency. The police calling ahead for them undoubtedly helps their case. After a wait that is most likely far shorter than it feels, because it feels like an eternity of picking at the dead skin around his fingernails and restlessly jiggling his leg so hard that he can feel Bakugou's annoyed glare, a nurse arrives to show them to Izuku's room. Shouto is surprised at the willingness of the hospital staff to allow non-family to see Izuku but he chalks that up to their class's close relationship and penchant for landing themselves in hospitals with increasingly high frequency. He's grateful either way.

Shouto has seen enough of Izuku in a hospital bed for the rest of his lifetime. Even for something so minor, the sight of his best friend in a hospital gown hooked up to these godforsaken machines makes something hot and fearful blossom in his chest. One of these times, he might not wake up. And Shouto... He had a lot to regret.

"He ends up in here a lot, huh," Kirishima's soft voice interrupts his train of thought. He glances behind himself to find Kirishima looking despondent. The expression doesn't suit him.

"Of course he does, the fuckin' loser," comes Bakugou's rough voice. Shouto is ready to light up his left side, tell him that he's free to leave at any time, when Bakugou continues, "Don't make that face," he knocks Kirishima's shoulder, "He's too stubborn to die or anything stupid like that." Shouto unclenches his fists. He has to suppress the smirk that threatens to crack his face. He's trying to reassure Kirishima. Someone has tamed Bakugou. And from what Midoriya had told him, that was no easy task. He catches Kirishima's grateful smile out of the corner of his eye, and decides not to poke at Bakugou now, if only for Kirishima's sake.

Shouto crosses the room and drops into the seat next to Izuku's bed, sighing heavily. He leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees, and watches Izuku's still form for a moment. "I know it's not even his fault this time," he grumbles, "but I really wish he would stop landing himself in here."

Bakugou tsks loudly, muttering something about how if Todoroki "wasn't so up the dork's ass then he'd care less", and Kirishima slaps him on the arm. Bakugou shoves him in response, and Kirishima snorts.

"You care about him a lot, huh?" There's a hand on his shoulder then, and it's comforting in the way that only Kirishima can be.

Shouto doesn't look up. Instead, he lets his hand find Izuku's where it rests on the hospital bed. He presses his fingertips to the inside of Izuku's wrist, feeling his pulse thrumming there. Of course he cares. Izuku has changed his life. He means more to him than anybody else he's met. More recently, with some prodding from Yaoyorozu, he's been confronted with the idea that his feelings might be something that could be considered a little less than platonic, but he'd panicked at that immediately. He knew she was right, but he doesn't need to spend any more time than strictly necessary wondering what it might feel like for it to be more. "He's my best friend," he decides on quietly.

Bakugou makes a disgusted noise from his place in the doorway. "You're gonna make me fuckin barf," he spits.

"Cut it out, man," Kirishima says wearily, and Shouto misses the look that passes between the two of them, something of an understanding about Todoroki's situation that makes Kirishima's smile bittersweet and Bakugou's mouth twist downward in impatience. He can't meet Kirishima's eye.

"That's not all, is it?" Kirishima asks patiently.

Shouto looks up at him warily, mouth tilting downward. He's ready to deny it, but he realizes abruptly that he's not making a very good case for himself. After all, he's sat next to Izuku's hospital bed, feeling his pulse to reassure himself that he's alive after a minor encounter with a thug that barely posdd a threat. He sighs again. He's not ready to have this conversation at all, let alone in a hospital with Bakugou making snide comments in the background.

There's a soft groan to his right, and then a squeeze to his hand, and Shouto snaps his head around to watch Izuku's eyes flutter open. He's immediately on his feet, still not letting go of Izuku's hand. He perches himself on the edge of the bed, and squeezes Midoriya's fingers.

"Hey!" Kirishima exclaims, and Midoriya's eyes flit to him. His eyebrows knit together in confusion. "There you are! We were worried."

"Izuku," Shouto says more softly, and Izuku's eyes settle on him, then. "How do you feel? Are you alright?"

"Wha- where am I?" Izuku asks hoarsely, looking between Shouto and Kirishima in confusion. So he didn't remember being knocked out.

"In a hospital, obviously," Bakugou scoffs from the doorway, "Idiot."

Izuku is immediately more alert, scooting backwards and looking more panicked that Shouto has seen him in a long time, "K-Kacchan! What are you doing here?"

Shouto frowns. He's seen Izuku afraid of Bakugou before, but he hadn't been this bad since the beginning of their freshman year.

"Cool it, loser," Bakugou says sharply, "Kirishima dragged me here. Like I'd ever choose to come here."

Izuku looks like he doesn't quite believe him. He turns his head back to Shouto and Kirishima, looking between the two of them again.

"Is... Is one of you Kirishima?" he asks in a small voice.

Shouto turns and catches Kirishima's eye. He's caught in an expression of open surprise. Then he catches Bakugou's eye, and for once, even he has nothing to say. He turns back to his best friend.

"Izuku," Shouto asks carefully, "What do you remember from today?"

"I..." Izuku's eyes dart around the three of them, "I don't remember anything," he admits quietly. "Should I?" he asks then.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Bakugou crosses the room then, coming to stand next to Kirishima. Izuku eyes him nervously, fingers twitching against Shouto's own. He doesn't like how nervous Bakugou's presence is making him. It makes Shouto uneasy. He knows things are different between them now, there's no reason for Izuku to be so intensely frightened.

"Being... in school?" Izuku's response comes as more of a question than anything else.

"WHICH school?" Bakugou asks impatiently, tapping his foot against the tiled floor.

Izuku shrinks back a bit, "Our... Middle... School? What other school would we be going to?"

Bakugou swears loudly, and Izuku flinches. "I'm sorry!" he exclaims nervously, "Do I know you two? SHOULD I know you?" he asks frantically, looking at Shouto and Kirishima again. He doesn't remember them. What the absolute FUCK did that villain do to him? Why does he think he's still in MIDDLE SCHOOL?

"I'm... Eijiro Kirishima," their classmate offers up.

"Shouto Todoroki," Izuku looks down at where he and Shouto's hands are still joined. Then he looks back up, squinting at Shouto, mouth quirking downward.

"Why- What is- Are we... together or something?"

Shouto thinks that his heart might have actually stopped, and he chokes on the breath he was taking. He stares at Izuku helplessly. Of course he would think that. He woke up in a hospital bed to a boy that he DOESN'T remember holding his hand, invading his personal space, and calling him by his given name. What else was he supposed to think? He doesn't know that they're best friends who have gotten closer than they have any excuse for, and this is what they do.

Bakugou starts to snort into his hand. "Yeah, that's your boyfriend alright," he says with mirth, "You're fucking obsessed with each other."

Shouto actually feels his soul leave his body. He's going to freeze Bakugou to the ceiling.
"OKAY, that's enough out of you, let's go!" Shouto watches Kirishima shove Bakugou toward the door, the latter still cackling into his palm.

There's a squeeze to his fingers. Shouto whips his head back around, fully intending to correct Bakugou's statement and tell Izuku that they are NOT, in fact, dating, but he's rendered absolutely dumbstruck by the dopey grin that's spread across Izuku's face.

WHY, in the name of everything that is good and holy, is Izuku looking at him like THAT? Even if he does think that they're together, he doesn't remember Shouto either way. He can't possibly be that happy about it.

Then it hits him. Izuku thinks he's still in middle school. He's painfully aware of how incredibly lonely Izuku had been before coming to UA. He hadn't even had anything close to a friend. So the idea of being with someone, of someone caring for him enough to choose to be in a relationship with him, must be overwhelming.

Would Izuku look at him like that if he remembered him? If Shouto confessed his feelings to him?

Absolutely not. He's not going there.

That didn't matter. Because Izuku DOESN'T remember him, and he CAN'T just let him think that they're together. That's just not fair. But how is he supposed to just... Say no to that face?

"IZUKU!" comes a familiar voice from the doorway, "Izuku, honey are you okay?!" Inko Midoriya crosses the room quickly and takes her son's face in her hands, seemingly taking stock and making sure he's still in one piece.

"Mom!" Izuku smiles widely, "I'm okay," he laughs, waving his free hand at her and scooting back out of her grasp.

"What happened?" Inko asks.

"We were attacked by a villain," Shouto explains, "He knocked Izuku out." Inko gasps, but Izuku seems to take it in stride, barely flinching at the new information.

"Do you know Shouto?" he asks, still grinning.

"Of course I do, honey," Inko says warmly, albeit a bit confusedly, patting Shouto on the head. "It's nice to see you again, dear."

"You too," Shouto says dumbly.

"Kacchan told me that Shouto and I are together."

Shouto freezes, staring up at Inko helplessly. He watches her eyes flit to their joined hands. She looks at Shouto quizzically. Her hand settles on his shoulder. The smile never leaves her face, despite the confusion in her eyes.
"Can I talk to you outside, dear?"

Shouto nods, his throat stuck, and he finally extricates his hand from Izuku's. He frowns slightly at the loss of contact, and it tugs at a place behind Shouto's ribs. He follows Inko outside the room, and she gently closes the door behind them.

Inko watches him expectantly for a moment, and he shrinks under her gaze.
"Would you like to tell me what's going on?" she asks, not unkindly.

Shouto presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, and shakes his head. He's met Inko before, of course, but he's never spoken to her at length. She's a sweet woman, but to be honest, he's still intimidated by her. She holds the same fire and determination inside of her that her son does.

"We were just getting ice cream," Shouto groans, "Neither of us even saw him but he dragged Izuku into the alley and knocked him out. I don't know what he did, but Izuku can't remember anything. He thinks he's still in middle school."

"And why does he think that you're his boyfriend?" Inko asks. If Shouto had been paying more attention to it, he might have detected the barest hint of amusement in her voice.

Shouto flinches at the word boyfriend, and groans again, taking his hands away from his eyes. "I... Might have been holding his hand," he suddenly finds his shoes incredibly interesting, "And I might have been calling him Izuku."

Inko cocks her head to the side curiously at that.

"He asked me to!" Shouto supplies quickly. "He told me I was his best friend and that if we were going to be best friends we might as well be on a first name basis so I just..." he trails off, still not meeting Inko's gaze. "And then he asked, and Bakugou said yes before I could stop him, and then you showed up before I could say anything else."

A moment passes in agonizing silence.

"He talks about you a lot, you know," Inko says, and he looks up to find her smiling warmly at him. "Shouto," she asks then, her jaw set in determination, "Do you care for my son?"

"Of course I do," he answers without hesitation, and he feels his cheeks heat up immediately. Flames flit across his fingertips, and he brings his hands together in an effort to stop himself from fully lighting on fire.

Inko sighs then, "Katsuki has a mean streak. That started early, and it hasn't changed since. But he's always been perceptive."

Shouto eyes her curiously.

"Izuku may not remember who you are, but he must remember how he feels about you."

Shouto's cheeks burn again, but before he gets the chance to ask what Inko means, they're interrupted.

"Hello," a woman in a white coat who Shouto can only presume is Izuku's doctor greets them cheerfully. Her head is topped by a shock of short blue hair and her skin is tinged green. When she continues to speak, Shouto sees sharp fangs. "You're Izuku's mother, I presume?"

"I am," Inko nods.

"I'm Dr. Tao. I've been overseeing your son. Is he awake yet?" the doctor asks.

"He is," Shouto confirms.

"Excellent. Let's head in, okay?"

She opens the door to Izuku's room, and Inko and Shouto follow her inside.

"Izuku?" the doctor asks, "Hello, I'm Dr. Tao. We have information on the quirk of the villain who attacked you."

"Okay?" Izuku responds. Shouto takes his seat next to Izuku's bed and Izuku immediately reaches for his hands again. His blush reaches the tips of his ears, but he doesn't pull away.

Dr. Tao begins, "The villain has an amnesia inducing quirk. It affects individuals differently, but typically the memory loss affects short term memory, ranging from a few weeks to a year, and it should resolve anywhere from 24 to 48 hours. He used his quirk to knock you out. I assume you don't remember encountering him?"

Izuku shakes his head.

"His victims typically don't. He's been rendering people unconscious and robbing them."

"Oh goodness..." Inko murmurs.

Dr. Tao turns her attention to Shouto. "You brought him in, correct?"

Shouto nods.

"You were there when the villain attacked?"

Shouto nods again.

Dr. Tao smiles, "You were very lucky this young man was there, Izuku."

Izuku smiles then too, "I am very lucky."

Shouto tears his gaze away from the softness in Izuku's eyes, because if he doesn't now, he might never look away again.

"Mrs. Midoriya, you're free to take your son home. Just keep an eye on that memory, and if it doesn't come back after 48 hours, give us a call, alright?" Dr. Tao looks at Izuku sternly for a moment, "Get some rest. No more villain encounters for a while, you hear me?"

"Yes ma'am!" Izuku nods enthusiastically. His smile is contagious.

They leave him to get dressed, and when he's finished and situated, they check out of the hospital. Izuku sticks close to his side, shoulder bumping against Shouto's. It's going to be a long two days

Chapter Text

It's decided that Izuku should stay at home for the night, especially being that it's a Saturday, and there are no classes the next day. They'll spend Sunday at the Midoriya home, and on Monday they'll get Izuku reacquainted with UA and his classmates. Hopefully by Monday night his memory will have returned.

Shouto climbs into the back of Mrs. Midoriya's car, only to have Izuku follow him, settling in close next to him. Inko pauses for a second at her son's actions, but quickly regains her footing. Shouto wills the blush on his cheeks away with all his might. He tries to discreetly press his cool hand to his cheek. Izuku leans into his side.

Shouto is struck by how incredibly affectionate Izuku is acting. Of course, he's affectionate with his friends normally; he's hugged Shouto more times than he can count; after successful training exercises, or stupid competitions the class has, or tearfully after he sees a particularly small kitten. And that's not to mention the times that Izuku has fallen asleep on his shoulder after late nights in the common room, or hid his face in Shouto's chest when Bakugou predictably chooses a horror flick for the class's movie night. It's not that it DOESN'T make his heart pound and his fingers tingle every time.

But there's something different about Izuku being this affectionate when he thinks they're together that makes Shouto's heart clench painfully. Even more confusingly, Izuku STILL DOESN'T REMEMBER HIM. He's just taking Bakugou's word and Shouto's lack of refusal that they're in a relationship. It's incredibly naive, but somehow ridiculously endearing that Izuku would take to dating him so quickly.

The ride home is quiet. At some point, Izuku curls his fingers around Shouto's, and it's all he can do to keep from letting ice encase their hands. He's having a horrible amount of trouble controlling his quirk, and it's making him uneasy. Before too long, they're home. Izuku squeezes his hand gently before letting go to get out of the car, flashing Shouto a sweet smile over his shoulder. Shouto starts to think that these two days might really end up being the death of him.

Shouto has been to the Midoriya home before. He's spent nights there to avoid going home. Sometimes several at a time. He's endlessly grateful for the kindness of Mrs. Midoriya, and even more grateful for the kindness of her son. He's spent evenings collapsed onto the couch in their living room, Izuku's head in his lap, giggling over some stupid movie that they'd found on TV. He'd always had to dig his fingers into his palms to stop from running them through his best friend's hair.
He's spent nights curled up on a spare futon next to Izuku's bed, wondering what might happen if he crawled into bed behind Izuku and wrapped him in his arms.
He always decided that he was far too lucky to even be there in Izuku's company in the first place, so he'd better not push it.

He can't imagine how much more difficult it's going to be to hold back if Izuku was going to keep being so... sweet. He doesn't have the time to worry about that right now, though.

Once they're inside the Midoriya home, Shouto plops himself on the couch as he's done dozens of times before. Izuku joins him immediately, sitting close enough that they're pressed together from shoulder to knee.

Shouto is positive he's going to die before these two days are up.

Mrs. Midoriya perches herself on the coffee table in front of them, and folds her hands in her lap. "You must have a lot of questions," she says, frowning sympathetically.

"Just a few," Izuku's smile is rueful.

"Well," Mrs. Midoriya sighs, "Where do you want to start?"

Izuku sinks into the couch behind him, leaning a little more heavily onto Shouto's shoulder, "I guess... When is it?" "You're in your first year of high school, sweetie," Inko answers.

"And... Where do I... Go?" Izuku looks apprehensive.

"Honey..." Inko smiles, and Shouto watches her eyes grow brighter. Izuku definitely got his penchant for crying from his mother. "You got into UA."

Izuku goes deathly still next to him for a moment, and he sits back up slowly, "I... I what?"

Inko's laugh is tearful, and she nods enthusiastically, "You got into UA, Izuku!"

Izuku's hands come up to cover his mouth, and a quiet, desperate sound tears its way out of his throat. There are tears rolling down his cheeks, over his hands. Shouto wonders if this is how he'd reacted the first time he found out that he'd been accepted into UA. It tugs at his chest, and he can't help but reach out to brush his fingers over Izuku's arm.

"But," he sobs out, muffled behind his palms "but I'm quirkless."

Shouto hopes that his confusion isn't apparent on his face. Izuku had confided in him that his quirk had manifested extremely late, just before the UA entrance exam, to be exact. Was his memory really so far back that he still believed he'd had no quirk?

"You got your quirk, sweetie. We don't know how it happened. But you have one!" Inko exclaims, swiping at the tears on her cheeks. "Don't you feel different? Take a look at yourself."

Izuku pulls his hands from his face and takes in his crooked fingers and scarred, forearms. "Wha- I don't understand," he's suddenly up on his feet, and then he's disappearing into his room. Moments later, he pops back out of his room, bare chested and holding his shirt in one hand. His eyes are wide, and he's all confusion. "When did this happen?!"

Shouto feels himself go red as Izuku stands in his doorway and looks down at his incredibly toned arms, flexing slightly. He activates his cold side immediately, and ices his palms together until it stings.

"I don't know, honestly," Inko shakes her head.

Izuku makes his way back to the couch, tugging on his shirt as he goes. He takes his seat, and Shouto suddenly has no personal space again. Izuku has gone from shirtless, to basically in his lap in less than 30 seconds, and it is the farthest thing from fair.

"What's my quirk?" Izuku asks, suddenly focused.

Inko looks to Shouto, "I think you might be able to answer this better. You've seen more of it than I have."

Izuku's full attention is on him, and it knocks him off balance no less than usual.

"You've got..." Shouto pauses, trying to find the right words. In all honestly, the way he wants to describe his best friend is nothing less than reverent. There's no way he can sit in front of the two of them and wax poetic about how absolutely astounding it is to watch Izuku fight. Even if he DOES have the tendency to break his bones, the passion with which he throws himself into his battles, and the intensity of facing Izuku himself leaves Shouto awestruck. He becomes suddenly aware that he's been silent for too long. He settles on something honest.

"You're incredibly powerful." It's not a lie, it's just not the adoring praise that had immediately filled his head. "They put your quirk down as 'Super-Power' in the records."

Izuku makes a thoughtful sound, and considers his hands again. "The scars?" he asks.

"You have a tendency to break your bones." Shouto answers dryly.

"Your body isn't used to your quirk," Inko clarifies, "So when you use it..." she frowns, trailing off.

"You're working on it." Shouto adds. "Slowly."

Izuku seems to be at a loss again. He watches his hands, bemused. It must be a lot to take in, Shouto thinks.

"How about you boys go relax for a bit," Inko suggests gently, "I'll start dinner." She stands, and smooths Izuku's hair back, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Go, go" she waves them off.

Shouto has been in Izuku's room dozens of times before, but when Izuku closes the door behind them this time, it sets his heart pounding far too fast for comfort.

He should tell Izuku. He should tell him they're not together. It's not fair to let him think that they are. He opens his mouth; he intends to tell him, he really does.

But then Izuku turns around and fixes him with a smile that is far more gentle than he deserves.

And Shouto is struck by the fear that this will be his only chance. It's his only chance to know what it might be like to have Izuku be his.

It's stupid.

It's selfish.

It's not FAIR.

This isn't ABOUT him.

He HAS to tell him.

"Did we meet at UA?"

His moment is gone. He kicks himself for the twinge of gratefulness that flickers through his chest.

"We did," he nods.

Izuku moves to sit on his bed. He gazes down at his lap, and sadness flashes across his face. "I'm sorry I can't remember you."

"It's not your fault," Shouto sighs, crossing the room to sit next to Izuku on the bed.

"But I wish I could," Izuku insists. He furrows his eyebrows, mouth turning down into a frown. Shouto watches him blink harshly, his eyes growing glossy again.

"You will," Shouto finds himself reaching out, covering Izuku's hand with his own. He's a sucker for those damn tears.

He'd grown accustomed to comforting his best friend through touch. He'd found that Izuku responded best that way. Uraraka had taken to ruffling Izuku's hair whenever he started to tear up, and it never failed to force a giggle out of him. He was a very tactile person. He knew that was why Izuku gravitated toward him so closely. He probably wasn't even thinking about it. But he felt dishonest, comforting him this way, reciprocating that touch.

But what else was he supposed to do? Shove him away? Embarrass him? Shouto wasn't good at these things. He was in too deep to know how to tactfully dig himself out.

Memory or not, feelings or not, Izuku was still his best friend, and he cared about him. And he wanted to take care of him. He needed to get Izuku through this.

Shouto decided he'd do whatever was necessary to make sure Izuku was happy through these next two days. And... if that just HAPPENED to benefit Shouto or his feelings... Well... That was really just an added bonus then, wasn't it?

If he was going to be Izuku's boyfriend, well, damnit, he'd be the boyfriend that Izuku deserved.

Chapter Text

"I want to know more about you," Izuku smiles brightly, and something unclenches in Shouto's chest.

"I'm afraid I'm not very interesting," Shouto mumbles in response. He feels his ears warming. What can he really tell Izuku about himself? He's awkward and antisocial, and he's rife with family issues, and there is no WAY he's unloading all of that onto Izuku right now.

Izuku's hand settles over his own on the bed, "I highly doubt that," he smiles. "I don't see how the son of the number two hero could NOT be interesting!" his smile is wider now.

Shouto feels a roll of revulsion in his stomach, and he tries not to let the hurt lance too hard through his ribs. 'He doesn't remember,' he tells himself, 'Izuku would never,' he swallows. He manages a shaky smile back, huffs out a fake laugh. Izuku's room had become suspiciously devoid of Endeavor merchandise after Shouto had told him about his childhood. His expression turned notably sour any time anyone mentioned Endeavor from that day on.

"You must have learned a lot from him," Izuku sounds almost... wistful, as though he was lamenting that HE couldn't have grown up under Endeavor's tutelage. Shouto swallows hard. He had learned from Endeavor.

How to only speak when spoken to.

How to hide in the darker corners of the house.

How to protect the spots that hurt most.

The only thing worse than growing up under Endeavor's thumb was imagining Izuku in his place. The idea made his heart pound. He was careful enough to keep Izuku away from his father NOW, and he was very aware that his best friend could protect himself.

'He doesn't KNOW,' he snaps at himself again.

He forces himself to nod. "I did," his voice trembles more than he's strictly comfortable with, "I learned... a lot."

"Do you have the same quirk as him?" Izuku asks excitedly, gaze traveling across Shouto's face, eyeing both sides of his hair, taking in his mismatched eyes, "Or is it a combination of both your parents? That would explain your appearance," he trails off into mumbled words, one hand coming up to his mouth, muffling himself.

Shouto finds his mouth turning up despite himself. The muttering had always been a habit, then. It put some of his classmates off, at first, and perplexed some yet, but Shouto couldn't help but find it endearing. Izuku was incredibly perceptive. He showed it every day: In class, during training exercises, in every villain encounter they'd had. He also had a habit of picking up on the smallest changes in his friends' demeanors. If something was wrong, he would sniff it out. Despite all of this, Izuku managed to be frustratingly dense sometimes. When it came to himself and his wellbeing, he might as well have been dealing with rocket science. Shouto waits for the mumbling and theorizing to stop before he lets himself answer.

"My quirk is called Half Hot-Half Cold, officially. Fire and ice." he explains simply.

Then Izuku explodes into a million different questions. About if Shouto would show him, if his quirk use was limited to its respective side, if he could use both at the same time, before he claps his hands over his mouth, looking terribly embarrassed with himself. "I'm so sorry," he squeaks, cheeks flushed red.

"How about one question at a time?" Shouto suggests, not unkindly. He was willing to entertain him. He knew it would absolutely frustrate Izuku to not have his questions answered. And Shouto wasn't exactly opposed to having Izuku's full attention on him. "You want me to show you?" he asks, and Izuku nods enthusiastically.

"Yes, yes please!"

Shouto starts with ice, being much more comfortable with his right side. He lets frost climb up his fingertips, slowly encasing his whole hand. The sting of cold is familiar, grounding. He watches Izuku's eyes widen, a giddy smile stretching across his face. His gaze shifts to Shouto's other hand, outstretched between them. Shouto lights his left hand up in flame, the feel of it prickling across his skin.

Izuku is openly awestruck, green eyes glittering prettily with the light of the flame in Shouto's hand. It wasn't entirely different from the way that Izuku looked at him when he first used his flames during the sports festival. It was, however, a touch more reverent than the way the Izuku typically looked at him.

"It's beautiful," Izuku breathes. He looks as though he wants to reach out, to trail his fingers across the frost coating Shouto's hand.

It makes Shouto flush, the back of his neck prickling at the attention. He was used to praise about his quirk, and being told how strong or powerful he was. But beautiful wasn't something that he remembered ever being called. In any sense of the word. This sort of praise was much more... Sincere. Much more intimate. Izuku wasn't looking at him for the power or destruction that he could bring about with his quirk. He wasn't looking for a USE for Shouto. This was different. He admired Shouto's quirk for what it was.

Shouto puts out his flame, pushes the warmth into his right side to melt the ice on his fingers. Izuku watches him do that in amazement as well. He actually reaches out then, taking Shouto's hands in his own, thumbs pressing into Shouto's palms.

"Does it hurt?" Izuku questions, and Shouto is slightly taken aback. No one has ever bothered to ask before.

"After a while it can," Shouto answers, "but it's the same with anyone's quirk."

Izuku hums thoughtfully, turning Shouto's hands over in his own. He seems to settle into quiet contemplation. "It's amazing, Shouto," he murmurs then, looking him full in the eye, "You're amazing."

Shouto's breath catches, affection for Izuku surging through his chest, and Izuku's eyes flicker back down at the sudden temperature fluctuation in the hands he was currently holding, one suddenly too hot, and one too cold. He looks amused, a corner of his mouth twitching up, but he doesn't comment on it, which Shouto is endlessly grateful for. He isn't exactly eager to explain to Izuku that his quirk tends to act up when he's flustered.

"I um..." Shouto clears his throat, reluctantly pulling his hands from Izuku's, cheeks still warm, "There's something that my mother taught me to do a long time ago. I haven't... tried it in years but..." he trails off, raising his right hand and activating his quirk. He calls the ice forward slowly, holding his breath in concentration. It slowly takes shape in his hand, forming a clumsy sort of heart. He can't find the courage to meet Izuku's eyes.

His mother had shown him how to make little sculptures. It was something fun, just for him. A way to make his quirk his own and pass the time when he was bored. He'd been delighted, watching her form ice crystals into delicate flowers inside her palms. She'd started him with simpler shapes. He was fond of making her hearts. They tended to be jagged and lopsided; he'd tried to fix them with his fire, and he'd nearly always ended up with them half melted and not really looking much like a heart at all, but she just smiled and thanked him, telling him they were beautiful. His father had eventually found him making these small sculptures, and he'd dragged Shouto into the training room for hours afterward, punishing him for using his quirk for something so frivolous. He'd ended up bruised and emotionally broken, vomiting in the corner of the room from the exertion of it all. Shouto hadn't made anything at all after that.

But for Izuku, Shouto was willing to try again. He warms his left hand just so, brushes his fingers over the jagged edges of the ice in his hands, leaving them smooth and glossy. It was still lopsided, and definitely clumsy, but he holds it out to Izuku nonetheless.

Izuku takes the heart from him with shaking fingers, and Shouto finally glances up to find tears welling in his wide eyes. Izuku stares down at the heart that's just beginning to melt in his palm, and then looks back up at Shouto like he'd just plucked a star straight out of the sky and handed it to him.

"I know, it's stupid," rushes out of Shouto's mouth before he can stop himself, reaching out to try to take the ice back, to melt it as though that will melt his embarrassment.

"It's wonderful," Izuku interrupts him fiercely, pulling the ice close to his chest and cradling it there.

Shouto watches him helplessly for a moment, before stretching his hand out again to try to take the heart back. Izuku squints at him defensively. "It's melting," Shouto says gently. Izuku looks unconvinced. "I can make you more, whenever you want," Shouto finds himself promising without his own permission.

Izuku reluctantly holds his hand out, places the heart into Shouto's waiting left palm, but doesn't take his hand away from Shouto's own. He watches Shouto expectantly, and Shouto heats up his left hand carefully, melting the ice between their palms, letting it sizzle into vapor. The admiration hasn't left Izuku's face for a moment. It makes Shouto fidget with discomfort. Not because he hasn't spent months wishing that Izuku would look at him like that, but because he just can't shake the guilt of his dishonesty. It's not fair that he's looking at him like that.

Then Izuku casts his gaze down for a moment, and he looks like the events of the day are finally catching up to him. His shoulders slump, and Shouto squeezes his hand.

"What is it?" he asks gently.

"I'm just... tired." Izuku answers hesitantly. Shouto waits for him to continue, because he knows he will if given the opportunity. He tends to fill silence as a default. "It's been a long day, yaknow?"

Shouto hums in acknowledgement, still waiting.

Izuku sighs heavily then, "I guess I'm overwhelmed. It's... Well, everything, really. It's all kind of hard to believe." He shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut against what Shouto is sure would be a flood of tears. His voice breaks when he speaks next, "I've got a quirk," he chokes out, "I've got a quirk and I got into UA and if someone had told me that was going to happen a year ago I would have thought they were just making fun of me because things aren't fair and things like this don't happen to ME and I just-" he cuts himself off with an unsteady breath, shaking his head, and looks at Shouto then. "And then there's you," he says much more softly, tears finally spilling onto his cheeks, "I never thought that anyone would- someone like you could- with me-" he shakes his head again, biting his lips.

He doesn't have to finish; Shouto already knows, and it hurts just as much as the first time he'd heard Izuku say it. His classmates in middle school, they'd always told him that no one would want to be with quirkless Izuku Midoriya. No one even wanted to be his friend, so how could anyone bring themselves to do something like DATE him? He was plain, and worthless, and no one wanted him. Shouto had held his hands, and told him fiercely that they were wrong. He'd almost let the confession spill out then and there, but he'd choked on the words when Midoriya had told him he was a good friend.

Shouto found himself reaching for Izuku's cheeks. It was something he wasn't brave enough to do then, and something he was selfish enough to let himself do now. He swiped his thumbs at the seemingly endless tears that streamed from his best friend's eyes, and he tried unsuccessfully to keep his voice from trembling when he told him: "You're wonderful. I've thought so since I met you. You were always special," he let his fingertips slide into the hair behind Izuku's ears, palms cradling his face, "and you'd STILL be special if you didn't have a quirk. You'd still be you. That's what matters." He felt his heart pounding in his ears. Izuku was watching him like he'd given him the answers to the universe, eyes impossibly wide, cheeks flushed pink. Shouto had never let himself be so honest, and he wasn't sure that he would have been able to say it under different circumstances, but right now, watching his best friend buckle under the weight of his own insecurity, he can't bear to let his fear get in the way.

A desperate noise tears its way out of Izuku's throat, and then he's in Shouto's lap, arms wrapped around his shoulders, face buried in his neck. Shouto's breath catches, and he wraps his arms around Izuku's waist instinctively. Izuku absolutely melts against him, and Shouto can't help but hold him a little tighter, sliding a hand down his spine and pleading with his own quirk to level his temperature. He can't help the way his chest aches over the way Izuku feels in his arms. He presses his cheek to the side of Izuku's head, letting himself relish in the feeling of how soft Izuku's hair is. He itches to get his hands into it. It's not the time for that.

It takes less time than he expects for Izuku to stop sniffling against his neck. Eventually, he heaves a sigh, and pulls back slightly, arms still looped around Shouto's shoulders. The look he fixes Shouto with is intense and impossibly grateful.

"Thank you," he says earnestly, letting his scarred hands settle around the back of Shouto's neck lightly.

Shouto nods, swallowing thickly. Izuku is in his lap, closer than he's ever been, and his thumbs are swiping over Shouto's skin with a gentleness that no one else has ever bothered to touch him with. It's all he can do to swallow back the frost that threatens to puff out when he breathes. Izuku leans closer, settling his forehead against Shouto's own, and Shouto lets his eyes flutter closed when Izuku's nose brushes his. Every point of contact absolutely burns, and the only reason that he's sure it's not his quirk threatening to tear him apart with the force of his own emotions is that Izuku isn't scrambling away from him in pain. If anything, Izuku is leaning closer.

"You make me feel... safe," he whispers, breath fanning against Shouto's skin. Tears prickle behind Shouto's eyes. It feels like his lungs are in a vice. He wants more, wants to hear more, wants to feel more, wants it so badly that it makes his head swim. He wants to lean closer, wants Izuku's hands to sink into his hair and wants to taste the way he smiles. He's so close, he's right there, it'd be so easy.

"Even though I can't remember you..." everything shatters, and Shouto is slammed back into thinking, "you still make me feel so safe," Izuku murmurs affectionately. "I want..."

Shouto lets his eyes flutter open, and he's struck by how DANGEROUS all of this is. Something within him pleads to just let himself have this. Something else, something much sharper, screams absolutely not. It takes everything he has to bring a hand up and settle his fingertips against Izuku's mouth, stopping him gently. Izuku jerks back, surprised, and the hurt that washes over his face stabs right through his heart.

"What- Did I do something wrong?" he asks, sounding smaller than Shouto has ever heard him.

Shouto shakes his head, "No, no of course not," he insists urgently.

"Then why-"

"I want you to remember me." Shouto cuts him off, "I'm sorry, please understand, it's not your fault." he finds himself begging. The last thing Shouto wants to do right now is hurt him.

Izuku doesn't look at him for a long moment, tense and closed off. "It's okay," he says quietly, "I understand. I think..." he pauses thoughtfully, "If I were you, I'd want you to remember me too."

Relief settles heavily in his stomach, but he's not without regret. He knows it's better this way; he's already taking far too much. It still hurts to give up the chance.

"Tell me how we met?" Izuku suggests lightly.

Shouto will never stop being grateful for him.

"Well," he starts, and he can't help but smile at the memory now, "we're in the same class at UA, obviously, but the first time we REALLY talked was at the Sports Festival."

Izuku cocks his head questioningly, "Why did it take so long?"

"I... Kind of... Thought you were a threat? So I might have... Declared war on you?" Shouto says sheepishly, not meeting Izuku's eyes.

Laughter bubbles out of Izuku suddenly, much to Shouto's delight. He watches the boy on his lap, enchanted with the way he tips his head back, the way his eyes crinkle, the curl of his lips, the scrunch of his nose. He's beautiful; he looks ethereal in the golden light of sunset that filters through the window. It paints his skin a rosy hue, dances on the ends of his curls, and Shouto really does regret not kissing him.

"Me?" he asks through his giggles, "You were threatened by ME?"

"Well... Of course," Shouto answers, "After seeing how powerful your quirk was..." he shrugs, "I was a lot different back then."

Izuku's laughter quiets, "Different how?"

"I..." How does he start? How does he unpack all of the trauma that Izuku has begun to undo? How can he tell Izuku that he's the first friend that Shouto has ever had, and the first person to ever make him feel like he's more than a tool? How can he possibly explain that not even the most severe beatings from his father could make him use his fire, but that all it took was a few words from Izuku to make him feel like his quirk was HIS?

"I was... angrier." It comes out without him really meaning to say it. "I felt like... I had something to prove, and anybody who got in my way was an enemy. I didn't like using my fire side, so I felt like I had to work twice as hard with half of what I had to do it."

"Why?" Izuku questions simply, and Shouto finds that he can't think of an answer that doesn't lead to him spilling a whole lot of baggage onto him that he doesn't think either of them are prepared for at the moment.

"You don't want to talk about it," Izuku says when Shouto lets the silence stretch. It's not a question.

Shouto shakes his head. Izuku hums comfortingly, stroking his fingers over Shouto's shoulders. Shouto flashes him a grateful smile.

"You were the one that changed that, you know." Shouto offers after a moment. He figures Izuku deserves to know. "At the Sports Festival. We were matched in an event and you were frustrated that I wouldn't use my fire. I didn't want to. You... convinced me otherwise. We became friends after that." He chuckles, "You didn't give me much of a choice in the matter."

"And how long have we been... together?" Izuku asks, face flushing despite the fact that he's been in Shouto's lap this entire time.

"Not long." It's not technically a lie. It's not. "It took us a while to get there." He thinks that makes it sound more believable. Izuku accepts the answer easily, nodding and humming quietly.

"Who won?" he asks.

"Hmmh?"

"The Sports Festival, who won?"

"It would have been you, if you'd stopped being so stubborn." Shouto huffs out. "But you decided to save me. They had to stop us, Midnight and Cementoss," he knows Izuku will know who they are, obsessed with heroes as he is, "We were going to destroy the stadium and you were hurt." He reaches to take Izuku's hands from where they rest on his shoulders, turning them over in his own. He runs his thumbs over the scars that marr his best friend's fingers, remembering the way his face twisted in pain every time he moved; the swollen purple of his hands and that despite ALL of it, despite Shouto's miserable anger and despite the incredible pain of having two broken limbs, Izuku didn't stop until he made Shouto realize that his power was his own.

"I'm sorry," Shouto murmurs, "these are my fault."

Izuku's fingers tighten around his, "It was worth it," he says with conviction, and Shouto looks up from their joined hands to find determination blazing in his eyes, "I don't remember how it happened, or why I did it, but I'm SURE it was worth it- that YOU'RE worth it."

Shouto closes his eyes against the sudden sting behind them. He's almost cried far too many times today and it's getting a bit ridiculous. He swallows around the lump in his throat.

"Thank you," he says quietly, and he MEANS it. He really, really means it. He wishes Izuku could understand just how MUCH he means it. He looks at Izuku again once he feels like he won't burst into tears.

Izuku opens his mouth to speak again, and he's interrupted by a soft knock at the door.

Inko's voice follows a moment after, "Boys? Dinner is ready now."

"Alright mom, we'll be out in a second," Izuku answers without taking his eyes from Shouto.

There are so many things he wants to say, so many thank you's he needs to express, so many ways that Izuku has changed his life, so many reasons that Shouto has come to be so deeply and incredibly attached to him...

He won't call it love, not right now. He can't. It hurts too much. This feels too real, too much like what he craves to admit that he's in love. It's not the right time. Izuku won't remember, he won't understand, and the truth of it all weighs heavily on Shouto's shoulders. A bone-deep weariness settles into his chest.

He's not-

It's not love.

Shouto can't afford for it to be love. Especially considering what will happen when this is all over.

He lets Izuku slide off his lap and takes the hand that's offered to him, lets Izuku lead him to the table where his mother waits for the two of them, smiling brightly.

He lets the Midoriyas chatter away during dinner, interjects where he needs to, and answers that questions that are directed toward him.

He lets Izuku lead him back to his room after dinner. They're both exhausted, and decide on sleep without much of an argument for any alternative. It has been a long day. They'll have plenty of time tomorrow for everything.

Shouto lays on the cot on the floor with the same weariness weighing on his lungs, listening to Izuku's steady breathing and wishing for some semblance of peace.

It's love.

Shouto doesn't sleep much that night.

Chapter Text

There are a few brief moments of bliss when Shouto wakes, just before he comes crashing back into himself. He hopes, maybe prays a little, that yesterday had all been some bizarre dream that his subconscious had used to punish him. He knows deep down though, even before he opens his eyes, that he is not in his bed.

Heaving a sigh, Shouto does eventually force himself to really wake up and admit that he is indeed on Izuku's floor. Sunlight streams through the curtains, bathing the room in a golden hue. It's much softer than his room at home. He rolls over on his futon to find a decidedly Izuku shaped lump still in bed, and sits up carefully. His best friend is curled into a pillow, holding it close to his chest. His hair somehow manages to be wilder than in his waking hours. His breathing is soft and even, his face slack and peaceful.

Shouto decides to be selfish. He leans up against the bed, pillows his head on his arm, and watches. He takes in the smattering of freckles across Izuku's nose, the curve of his lips, the fall of his curls across his forehead. He considers, briefly, crawling into bed beside him, and taking the place of the pillow he's cuddling. He imagines cradling him close, carding his fingers through that unruly hair and pressing his lips to Izuku's forehead. It would be easy. They could fall into each other, bathed in the light of morning, and nothing else would exist for a few hours.

He knows Izuku would let him, and that's the hardest part. He'd welcome Shouto with literal open arms, warm and pliant, with a smile that would twist his heart until it broke.

Shouto can't let himself be quite THAT selfish. He had been raised to exhibit only the most staunch self-control, and it had been slipping entirely too much lately. He needs to make this as painless as possible. He's already going to have to pick up the pieces afterward, somehow explain all of this to Izuku when he's in his right mind again. How would he explain away crawling into bed with him?

So he settles for watching for a few long moments, an ache deep in his chest that makes it harder to breathe. He has to spend two more days like this. Longing and pretending. Riding the line of keeping Izuku happy, and breaking his own heart in the process. He'll do what he has to, he decides, but he won't let himself have anything unnecessary.

'This isn't for you,' Shouto reminds himself.

He sighs again, dragging a hand down his face, and turns to pick up his phone and check the time. It's barely past 11. Maybe it'd be a good idea to let Izuku sleep as much as possible. He could take him out for lunch later. They did that as friends all the time. Nothing remiss there. He checks his notifications, and finds nothing particularly interesting.

There's a soft touch to the top of Shouto's head, then. He stiffens, and turns slowly.

Izuku's eyes are cracked open, one hand reaching out from under the blanket to separate the red and white line of his hair where it'd blended during the night. It sets his scalp tingling.

"Hi," Izuku murmurs, voice scratchy from sleep.

Shouto swallows, "Hello," he answers quietly.

Izuku withdraws his hand, and moves to sit up. Shouto watches him stretch and yawn, light framing his hair and dancing over his face, and he already feels his resolve take a hit.

"How did you sleep?" Izuku asks, scooting over and patting the bed next to him.

Shouto takes the invitation after a moment of hesitation, sitting carefully in the newly opened space, "Alright," he lies. He'd really been up for hours turning the whole situation over and over until his eyes burned.

Izuku checks his own phone, brow furrowing at the notifications he finds there. Messages from his friends asking after him fill the screen. Kirishima must have told them about yesterday. Shouto hopes he hadn't told them EVERYTHING. He wasn't sure he could bear the teasing and jabs from all of their classmates.

Izuku frowns at his phone, "I don't think I've ever had this many messages..." he says softly.

Shouto bumps Izuku's shoulder with his own, "They're your friends. I'm sure they just want to make sure you're okay."

Izuku looks lost at that. "I should probably... Answer these?" Izuku sounds unsure, and looks to Shouto for help, "I'm not sure I'd know how to respond though."

Shouto considers. He's never been the best at dealing with the onslaught of friendship that their class provided. He wasn't sure he could puzzle through answering them either. "Maybe ignore them for now. I'm sure Kirishima told them you were alright."

"I don't want them to worry," Izuku says. It's just like him, Shouto thinks, to worry after the well being of people he doesn't even remember meeting.

"They've seen you much worse. I'm sure they'll be alright."

Izuku doesn't look convinced.

"We're going to see them tomorrow, remember?" Shouto offers, "We have to get you back to school anyway since you should be alright for classes by Tuesday."

Izuku sighs, pouts in a way that Shouto finds far too cute for his own good, and then relents, shoulders dropping their tension. "You're sure they'll be alright?"

"Positive." Shouto assures him. "Now, what do you want to do today?"

Izuku looks even more lost at this, "I don't... really know? I've never really had anyone to hang out with, so I'd usually just come home and-" he hesitates for a moment, eyes darting to and away from Shouto's face, "watch hero videos and take notes or... something like that," he finishes lamely, embarrassment written all over his face.

"You still do that a lot, you know," Shouto tells him, unable to stop a smile from curling onto his lips. "It's not a bad thing. Our teachers think that's probably why you're so quick in a fight. Because you spent so much time analyzing other heroes' quirks and their uses. All-Might is particularly impressed." he says fondly.

Izuku's head snaps up at the mention of his idol's name. "I met... All-Might?" His voice is no more than a whisper of disbelief.

"You train with him a lot. He's been helping you with your quirk, I think. You go for runs every morning and sometimes he asks you to eat lunch with him." Shouto huffs out something that's not quite a laugh at the last part.

Izuku looks around his room, covered as it with all of the All-Might merchandise under the sun. His next breath chokes out roughly. "You're..." he looks at Shouto again, eyes watery and burning with hope, "You're serious?"

"Of course I am," Shouto answers earnestly. He watches Izuku's tears spill over as he fights to scrub them away.

Izuku positively BEAMS at Shouto, and laughs a bit hysterically. "Do you think I could see him tomorrow?"

"I think he'd be delighted to see you," Shouto tells him warmly, recalling the incredible soft spot the Number One Hero has for his best friend.

Izuku laughs again, and leans heavily into Shouto's shoulder. "Sorry, sorry," he shakes his head, "It's just... A little hard to believe." He gazes around his room again with something that looks a lot like amazement. "I met All-Might..."

"I thought you were his secret lovechild, you know." Shouto tells him without thinking, recalling the stunned look on his face in that moment.

Izuku snorts loudly, "There's no way I'd be able to keep that a secret," he says, gesturing vaguely to his entire room.

"Don't I know it." Shouto smiles fondly.

There's a brief moment of comfortable silence, and Izuku leans into Shouto's shoulder. Shouto suppresses the urge to wrap an arm around him.

"Why don't you decide what we do today?" Izuku offers. "I don't really know what we do together, you know?"

"I was thinking I could take you out to lunch," Shouto responds, "I don't want to trouble your mother any more than necessary."

Izuku shakes his head against Shouto's arm, "I'm sure she loves you," he says reassuringly. "Do we have somewhere we usually go to eat?"

Shouto takes a second to consider. He could take Izuku anywhere, really. Money isn't a consideration for him. He enjoys maxing his father's credit limits. They could get dressed up, and go somewhere fancy. Shouto could ask for a table in a cozy corner somewhere, lit by soft candlelight. Maybe Izuku would blush at the romantic setting, but he'd smile nonetheless and Shouto would melt. He could treat Izuku to whatever he desired. He'd get to watch his eyes light up at how delicious the food was, and hold his hand across the table. The thought of it settles warm and heavy behind his ribs.

But... He doesn't want to overwhelm Izuku, nor is taking him on a fancy, romantic date one of those things that Shouto can justify doing later. He holds back a sigh.

"There's a burger place near UA that you particularly enjoy," Shouto settles on instead.

"Do you like it too?" Izuku asks, lifting his head from Shouto's shoulder and fixing him with a questioning look.

"I do," Shouto reassures him.

"Alright, then. Let's do it!" Izuku nods excitedly. "Honestly, I'm kind of starving right now."

----------

"I guess I found this place after I started UA," Izuku muses as they make their way over to an empty table in the corner of the restaurant. They take their seats across from one another.

"I don't remember coming here at all," Izuku smiles a bit sadly down at his burger. "It looks really good, I guess I'm just..." he trails off, and Shouto gives him time to find the words. Izuku's brows knit together in frustration, "I guess I'd hoped that maybe doing something like this would jog my memory a bit, you know?"

"I could tell you about it," Shouto suggests kindly. He wants that look off of Izuku's face. He doesn't deserve to look so frustrated with himself. It's not even his fault that this is happening. Maybe hearing the memories would cheer him up.

"I'd like that."

"Well," Shouto thinks for a second, "The first time you came here was with Uraraka and Iida."

Izuku tilts his head at the names, "Our classmates?"

"Iida is our class president, and Uraraka..." Shouto pauses, considering how to classify her, "She was the first friend you made in our class, I guess. You're kind of attached at the hip." He feels a stab of jealousy in his gut. He'd been distressed for a while at the idea of Izuku having a crush on Uraraka. If he was being honest, the thought still nipped at the back of his mind from time to time.

Izuku blushes a little at that, scratching at the back of his head.

"When you came back you didn't stop raving about how good the burgers were here." Shouto pushes the jealousy from his mind. It's not the time for that. "You didn't STOP raving about it until I agreed to come here with you."

"I wouldn't have expected you to be the kind of person to eat at a burger joint." Izuku smiles faintly at him.

"I wasn't," Shouto huffs, "The reason you insisted was because I told you I'd never eaten a burger before."

"You WHAT?! How?" Izuku exclaims, and Shouto can't help the chuckle that slips out of him.

"That's exactly what you said the first time," he shakes his head in amusement. "You should eat your burger before it gets cold."

"R-right!" Izuku looks down at his food as though he'd forgotten it was there. He picks up his burger and takes an enormous bite, and his eyes shine. "These ARE really good!" He says excitedly through a mouthful of food.

Shouto props his cheek on his hand and watches him, unable to keep a grin from curling onto his face. The first time he'd agreed to accompany Izuku here his excitement was palpable. Shouto had let Izuku order for him, telling him to get whatever he thought was best. Then he'd nearly been vibrating with excitement while he waited for Shouto to take his first bite. Izuku's smile had been absolutely blinding when Shouto told him he liked the food.

Now he's here, doing the same thing. He's watching Izuku experience this place for the first time and he's absolutely enchanted. Izuku is working on demolishing his fries and ranting about how good his milkshake is, and Shouto doesn't think that anyone else could possibly make something so mundane seem so endearing.

Izuku stops halfway into his burger, catching Shouto's eye. His cheeks go pink. "What is it?" he asks a little self-consciously.

Shouto realizes abruptly that his own food has gone untouched in favor of watching his best friend with what he imagines is an absolutely lovestruck look on his face. He clears his throat, looking down at his food, "Ah, nothing, sorry. I'm just uh, glad you're happy."

Izuku, if possible, goes even pinker. He fidgets for a second, and then reaches across the table to catch Shouto's fingers with his own. Shouto's head snaps up, and the softness he finds in Izuku's eyes is like a sucker punch to the gut.

"Thank you," he says quietly, "for bringing me here, and for cheering me up. I'm really lucky to have you." He squeezes Shouto's hand briefly before pulling away.

Shouto's own cheeks burn, and he can barely stand to meet Izuku's eyes. Guilt rolls in his stomach, and it's a feeling that's becoming incredibly tiring. He wants all of it to be real so badly. "Of course," he responds, and he hopes that Izuku doesn't hear how weary he sounds.

The rest of their meal passes in companionable silence.

----------

"Well, what should we do now?" Izuku asks later that night, hanging upside down off his bed next to where Shouto sits on the floor.

Shouto turns to face him. They'd spent the afternoon exploring the shopping district around the restaurant they'd gone to, and had come home in time to have dinner with Inko. She'd gone out to meet a friend, and left the two of them to their own devices with a strong warning to not find any trouble or else.

"They made a new documentary on pro heroes a little while back that you really liked. We could watch that?" Shouto offers, shrugging.

Izuku is on the floor next to him in a flash, sounding off questions and hopes about what the documentary may have covered until Shouto waves his hands and pulls him to his feet. "C'mon, let's just put it on. I'm positive you have it on DVD or something," he chuckles.

They move to the living room and find the DVD easily in Izuku's collection. He pops it in and settles back onto the couch next to Shouto. They're close but not quite touching, and the short distance feels like a canyon. Shouto wants, despite himself, and despite his guilt.

He's not left wanting for long. As soon as the movie starts, Izuku settles his head on Shouto's shoulder, pressing closer. It's a relief, and a curse, but Shouto can't help but lean into it.

It's mere minutes before Izuku is interjecting his opinions on what the narrator is saying. He rattles off questions and theories, curling himself around Shouto's arm and tapping his fingers restlessly against the back of Shouto's hand. Shouto listens, and chimes in when Izuku asks for his opinion. He doesn't expect to get through anything even remotely related to heroes without it becoming a full blown discussion. He'd been a little baffled at the beginning, unsure of how exactly Izuku managed to talk so fast and still catch everything that he was listening to. He'd stopped believing Izuku was entirely human when he threw in taking notes at the same time like it was nothing. It's a routine that he's used to, now.

What he's not used to, however, is having his best friend wrapped around his arm, propping his chin on Shouto's shoulder when he wants to ask a question. He's warm from head to toe, and he fights with himself to not light Izuku on fire under any circumstances. But it's nice, he thinks. He enjoys the sound of Izuku's voice.

So when Izuku's mouth snaps shut so fast his teeth click, Shouto is downright startled. He looks over to find Izuku worrying his lip between his teeth, looking extremely guilty.

Shouto's brow furrows, "What's wrong?" he asks, afraid that he might have done something to upset him.

"Sorry," Izuku squeaks, "I- I don't mean to talk so much, I- I'm sure you just want to watch."

Shouto just stares at him for a moment, confused, "What are you talking about?"

Izuku looks up at him then, and Shouto panics a bit at the tears in his eyes, "I've been talking through the whole thing. I'm sorry. I'm sure you don't want to listen to me mutter over the entire documentary."

"Izuku we've seen this at least three times. We always do this with hero stuff," Shouto tells him.

"We... What?"

"Whenever something new comes out we watch it together, and you bounce your theories off me. Sometimes you take notes." Shouto informs him.

"And... you listen?" Izuku asks in a small voice.

"Of course I do," Shouto responds.

"And you- you don't mind?"

"Why would I mind? I like hearing what you have to say." Shouto tells him gently.

Izuku lets out a small whimper against his shoulder, "Sorry I just-" he cuts off sharply, shaking his head, "No one has ever wanted to listen before. I used to watch these kinds of things with my mom but she was always so tired from work that she'd start to fall asleep. So I just... started watching them alone."

Sympathy hits Shouto like a truck. He knows loneliness, growing up the way he had. He knows what it's like to have no one to talk to, no one to share things with. He'd gotten so used to their routine, so used to Izuku being excited to share things with him, that he'd forgotten that Izuku had grown up lonely too. He curls his hand around Izuku's own.

"I'll always listen. No matter what it is, I'll listen," Shouto assures him. He's suddenly got an armful of fluffy, green, teary best friend, and his breath whooshes out with the impact.

"Thank you," Izuku chokes out, shaking his head against Shouto's shoulder, arms wrapped around his neck. Shouto loops his own arms around Izuku's back, squeezing him in what he hopes is a reassuring hug.

He lets Izuku stay there for as long as it takes him to relax, breathing him in and reveling in how warm he feels. He thinks he could stay like this for the rest of the night. Izuku is a comforting weight in his lap. His breaths tickle Shouto's collarbone and his hair brushes against his cheek with every subtle shift. He lets his chin drop to Izuku's shoulder, holding him a little tighter. They've hugged before, of course, but never this close, and never for more than a moment. Before he'd met Izuku, Shouto hadn't thought much about what it might be like to hold someone. Touch had been meant to hurt for as long as he could remember, and it didn't seem worth it to consider otherwise. But... He'd been missing out, more than he could imagine.

Izuku pulls back after a while, and Shouto considers pulling him back in. He doesn't go far though. He keeps his arms around Shouto's neck, fingertips settling against his nape. He searches Shouto's face for a moment, absentmindedly fiddling with his hair. The contact tingles, and Shouto fights the urge to lean into it.

"I really mean it," Izuku whispers, leaning in, "Thank you." His breath flutters across Shouto's cheeks, and it makes his fingers shake where they rest against Izuku's spine. For a terrifying moment, Shouto thinks that Izuku is going to kiss him, and he doesn't have the will to stop him.

Then Izuku's lips are landing on his cheek, just to the left of his mouth. Shouto's face heats up instantly, and he jerks back just in time to avoid singeing Izuku's hair when the left side of his face goes up in flame, bangs lifting up with the force of it. Izuku scrambles off his lap and thumps to the floor. His head pops back up immediately to look at Shouto with wide, concerned eyes. Shouto stares at him horrified, swatting desperately at his face with his right hand to try to put it out.

"Are you okay?! Should I get water?!" Izuku squawks, clambering to his feet. His hands hover uselessly around Shouto's shoulders, seemingly uncaring as to whether or not he gets burned.

Shouto drops his face into his hands miserably, "No, it's fine, I'm fine," he groans. "Just- Give me a second."

"Sure," Izuku nods, sitting gingerly on the couch next to him, "Whatever you need."

Shouto shakes his head. He contemplates burning a hole in the ground outside and sinking into it for the rest of his life. He sighs, and pats at his face to quell the rest of the flames.

"Alright?" Izuku asks carefully.

Shouto drags his hands down his face, "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to do... that."

Izuku giggles a bit, and Shouto whips his head around to look at him, feeling more than a little offended, "Are you laughing at me?" He asks incredulously.

Izuku flaps his hands frantically, "No! No I'm not!" he says, still giggling, "Well I am, but not really AT you."

Shouto cocks an eyebrow at him, "Oh?"

"No, it was just," Izuku scratches at the back of his neck, "I didn't expect that, you know? I didn't think that I'd ever make someone react that way by just giving them a kiss on the cheek. It was kind of cute."

Shouto's hair is on fire again, and Izuku is belly laughing, leaning back against the couch with a hand clapped over his mouth. "I'm sorry!" he chokes out between breaths.

All Shouto can do is watch him, smiling and feeling absolutely infatuated despite himself. He reaches over to prod at Izuku's side and watch him jump.

"Cut it out," Shouto scolds him weakly, "It can't be that funny."

Izuku quiets after a moment, and then he's left just beaming at Shouto. He flops down then, letting his head rest on Shouto's lap. He giggles again, and Shouto flicks his ear in response.

"Sorry, sorry, I'm done I swear," Izuku promises.

Shouto leans back against the couch with a huff. He feigns annoyance to avoid dealing with the way that Izuku's cheek feels pillowed against his thigh. They fall into a comfortable silence, focusing back in on the documentary that still plays on the television.

Izuku lets out a soft snore after a little while, and Shouto blinks down at him. He's fast asleep, breaths deep and even. Shouto shakes his head. Maybe Izuku hadn't slept as well as it seemed the previous night.

For the second time that day, Shouto allows himself to be selfish. Izuku is asleep. There's nothing to explain if he doesn't know about it. He slowly, as gently as he can manage, threads his fingers into Izuku's hair. He rubs Izuku's curls between his fingertips. It's softer than he thought it would be, and he can't bear to take his hands out of it. He brushes the hair back from Izuku's temple, and trails his fingers over the freckles that dot his cheeks. He sighs heavily. It's not fair. There's a burn behind his eyes. Everything about this is soft, and perfect, and he's not ready to give it up after just a few days.

It’s difficult to watch Izuku struggle with the crushing weight of his own self-doubt. The idea that he feels worthless enough to believe that Shouto wouldn’t care to listen to him is… It’s too much. For all his lack of remembrance, Shouto knows that he feels all of that worry, and all of that doubt deeply every single day. His romantic feelings for Shouto may be a fabrication, but Shouto takes comfort in the knowledge that the friendship he provides to Izuku is real, and it’s worth something. If he can give him any sense of companionship, any solace… He cherishes that. Shouto slides his fingertips through Izuku's hair again, and leans down to press a kiss to his temple.

The documentary ends.

Shouto doesn't notice.

Chapter Text

Monday comes too quickly, and somehow not quickly enough. Shouto isn't ready to share Izuku with their classmates again. He isn't ready to let them poke and prod at him. He knows they mean well, but Izuku doesn't know them right now. And maybe... Maybe he wants to keep the fantasy alive for a little while longer. He's not ready for the looks or the questions. He doesn't have a way to explain himself that doesn't make him sound like an idiot.

But he's emotionally exhausted. The touches, the longing looks, the cuddling... Knowing it's not real has been draining him.

Nonetheless, Izuku is excited. Shouto can't really blame him. Izuku is going to his dream school, which he's just been told he attends. He's going to go meet classmates who he's been told are his friends, when he's never had any to speak of before.

Izuku has been bustling around his room all morning, ignoring Shouto's insistence that he's already got everything he could need in his room at the dorms. He's having an incredibly hard time holding back his eagerness.

"When does the train leave, Shouto?" he asks, plopping down on the bed next to Shouto and bouncing his leg restlessly.

Shouto clamps a hand over his knee and holds it still, "You've asked me that three times already," he says, not unkindly, "We're taking the 2pm one. We've got another hour before we have to leave."

Izuku flops backward on his bed, wailing, "That's so loooooong," he whines.

Shouto picks up a pillow and flings it over Izuku's face to muffle his griping, "Do you have ANY patience?" he snorts out a laugh.

Inko knocks on the door and pokes her head in, "I made you boys lunch! Come on, before you have to leave to catch your train," she smiles.

Izuku drags the pillow off his head, "Thanks, mom, we really appreciate it."

They head to the table to eat with Inko. She and Izuku chat amicably while they eat. Shouto feels her gaze on him every time he looks at Izuku, and he can't bring himself to meet her eyes.

When they're finished, she turns to her son. "Dear, why don't you go make sure you have everything you need? Shouto can help me clean up the dishes."

Anxiety zips up Shouto's spine.

Izuku nods, "Sure mom. Thanks for lunch!"

"Of course," she shoos him off.

When Izuku's door closes, Inko turns to Shouto. "Are you alright?" she asks quietly.

"I'm not sure what you mean," he answers impassively.

Inko tuts, "You're worried," she says easily, "About what he'll say when he remembers."

Shouto doesn't respond, and opts to stare at his hands where they rest on the table in front of him.

Inko circles the table and rests her hand on his shoulder. "You're a good boy, Shouto," she says warmly.

There's a long pause in which Inko doesn't offer up anything else, and Shouto can't find the words to respond to her.

"I don't want to hurt him," Shouto finally says.

"Sweetie..." Inko tips his chin up to look at her, "You wouldn't. You know that, and he knows that," she reassures him, "You've been taking care of him, doing whatever you can NOT to hurt him."

Shouto searches her eyes for a moment, and finds nothing but sincerity. Her expression softens, "And you've been hurting." He blinks at her, unable to deny it, but a little stunned that she'd noticed.

"It's in your eyes when you look at him," she explains.

Shouto is surprised by the sudden rush of tears he feels, and he turns away from Inko then.

"If I know my son, and I do, then I don't think you have anything to worry about." She squeezes his shoulder, and then beckons him to stand, "Let's get these cleaned up," she says brightly.

Shouto nods wordlessly, and follows her lead in clearing the table and bringing the dishes to the sink. Once they're there, she catches his elbow and turns him to face her again. "It'll be alright, Shouto. Trust me," she says, and then shoos him away.

A short while later, they have to leave to catch their train, and Inko is showing them out the door. She hugs her son and fusses over his hair for a moment, "Please be CAREFUL Izuku, and don't find any more trouble do you hear me?" she points sternly at him.

Izuku laughs and swats her hands away from his hair, "I know, I know, of course mom!"

She pulls him down to press a kiss to his forehead and then turns to Shouto. She pulls him into a hug as well and rubs his back briskly. "Think about what I said," she murmurs quietly and then pulls back, "And you be careful too!" she warns.

Shouto nods, "I will."

Inko smiles at them both and shoos them out the door.

----------

The train ride to UA from Izuku's house has become familiar to Shouto at this point. He knows the trees, recognizes the buildings and the houses. It's a comfort for him to gaze out at the scenery as it flies by. It is a beautiful ride. This time he watches as Izuku takes in the landscape, transfixed by every detail.

He makes a split second decision, then, and pulls out his phone as discreetly as possible. It takes seconds to send a text to All-Might, asking him to meet them at the entrance to campus. He receives a response in under a minute, an agreement punctuated with far too many exclamation points and an acknowledgement Izuku’s unfortunate situation, and a smile tugs at the corner of his mouth. Word really had traveled quickly. Their class was a bunch of gossips. Or perhaps All-Might had heard from Mrs. Midoriya. He slips his phone back into his pocket, and turns his attention back to his best friend.

"Are you excited?" Shouto asks, pulling Izuku's attention away from where he gazes out the window.

Izuku nods, "I am," he hesitates, fidgeting with the hem of his jacket, "But I'm also kinda nervous. Like... What if they don't like me?"

"They already like you," Shouto is perplexed.

"They like whatever I'm like in the future. They've never met... This me," Izuku gestures vaguely to himself. "I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do around them."

Shouto hums in consideration, "They'll like you anyway."

Izuku looks thankful, but not particularly convinced.

"They will," Shouto insists. "I'm not really the easiest to get along with, and I like you. They'll like you, Izuku."

Izuku's shoulders drop, and he smiles gratefully.

Their stop is called soon after, and they disembark.

UA looms in the distance, and Izuku seems to exude a mixture of fear and excitement that Shouto isn't quite sure how to quell. He settles for taking Izuku's hand to offer a quick squeeze, and is struck when Izuku doesn't let go. He laces their fingers together and they walk hand in hand until they nearly reach the school’s entrance. Izuku stops, dropping his hand and swallowing thickly.

"Well, here we are, huh?" Izuku says, voice shaking with nervous excitement.

Shouto has the brief thought to ask him not to mention that they're together to their friends. He'd have to make up some lie about not having told them yet so he doesn't upset him, but it'd be easier than explaining it to everyone.

“I AM HERE!” comes booming from behind a pillar, followed by an absolute mountain of a man, skidding to a halt in a ridiculous pose in the middle of the entranceway.

Izuku SHRIEKS beside him, loud and wordless, and then he’s immediately bowing. “A-A-A-ALL-MIGHT!”

All-Might, for his part, switches into another pose, flexing his arms about his head, “YES, IT’S ME!”

Shouto rolls his eyes so hard he’s afraid they might slip into the back of his skull. He really did have a flair for the dramatic, and he was really playing it up.

Izuku wrings his hands, gesturing wildly, “Mr. All-Might sir what are you doing here?! I-I-I-I mean it’s really nice to meet you and I’m glad you’re here but what are you doing HERE? That’s a stupid question of course you’re here Shouto told me you might be here but you took the time out of your day to come here specifically and-”

All-Might cuts him off with a bear hug, and Izuku squeals at a higher pitch than Shouto’s ever heard.

“Young Midoriya,” he says gently, then, ruffling Izuku’s hair, “this may be as bad as the first time we met.” He pulls back to look at his student, still grinning widely, “Though, the first time we met, you latched onto my leg when I took off for the roof of a building.”

Izuku only squeaks, large eyes brimming with tears and cheeks bright red with embarrassment.

All-Might pats him on the head with one giant hand again, laugh loud and echoing, “There’s no need for all that, I’m only teasing!”

Izuku scrubs at his eyes fiercely with the sleeve of his jacket, sniffling and trying desperately to stop the shaking of his legs. It makes Shouto want to reach out to him and wrap an arm around him for support. He’s barely seen his best friend speechless, and it’s a little unnerving. It’s not unexpected, though.

All-Might’s voice gets more serious that Shouto thinks he’s ever heard it, “I am glad you’re alright, my boy,” he points sternly at Izuku, “But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t going to have a talk about you finding trouble wherever you go.”

Izuku nods furiously, “Yes All-Might sir! Of course! I’m sorry sir!”

“You’re making me feel old, Midoriya!” All-Might laughs again.

“I’m sorry sir! I mean All-Might!” Izuku wails.

All-Might ruffles Izuku’s hair once more, huffing softly, “Get some rest, young man. Come see me for lunch tomorrow, if you’d like.”

Izuku nods excitedly, eyes absolutely sparkling, “Thank you All-Might, I will! Thank you!”

All-Might turns to Shouto with a particularly knowing look that sets his fists balling anxiously, “Take care of him, young Todoroki. You can come see me any time as well if you’d like to talk.”

Shouto only nods. It seems as if everyone knows some big secret but him.

“Well! I’m off then! See you tomorrow!” All-Might flashes them one last broad and blinding smile before crouching down and taking off in a flash. The resulting wind is nearly enough to take the two of them off their feet.

“Bye All-Might!” Izuku calls, waving after him. He drops his hands after a second, and then turns to Shouto.

“Did you do that?” he asks, beaming.

“Who can say?” Shouto shrugs noncommittally, “Perhaps he just wanted to see you.”

Izuku’s smile grows wider, somehow. He flings his arms around Shouto’s waist, squeezing him tightly for a second. “Thank you, Shouto,” he laughs against his neck.

Shouto pats his back, “Of course.” Izuku hugs him as though he does it every day, and it picks at a cold place in his chest.

‘Anything for you,’ he thinks.

They don’t linger there for long. They have classmates to meet. Izuku seems to remember his nervousness as they approach the dorm building. Shouto had hoped that perhaps meeting the most influential person in his life would have quelled at least some of his anxieties. It seems that potential friends are more intimidating to him, though.

They barely make it ten feet from the building before Uraraka comes positively barreling out the dorm's front door to slam into Izuku in a bone crushing hug. Izuku is nearly knocked off his feet by the force of it.

She pulls back and grabs him by the arms, cheeks puffed out in anger, and the yelling starts.

"Deku! HOW do you do this?! This would only happen to you! You go out to get ice cream and you find the one moron in town with a quirk that gives you AMNESIA?!" She shakes Izuku's shoulders, and he just watches her, mouth agape.

Iida bursts out of the front door moments later, chopping at the air. "URARAKA! It is impolite to shake an injured friend like that!" he booms.

"Omigosh you're right!" Uraraka's hands fly over his arms and around his head, as though she's trying to feel for any lumps of injuries. "Are you okay Deku?"

"D-Deku?" Izuku yelps, looking to Shouto for help.

"Ah, that," Shouto realizes, "She doesn't mean it like that. It's more of a friendly nickname."

Izuku looks back to Uraraka helplessly, face positively beet red. "I'm fine! I'm alright!" he squeaks.

Shouto has the misguided urge to place himself between Uraraka and Izuku, and he stomps it down immediately. There’s no reason to be jealous, not right now. He’s being silly. Uraraka is always like this. He’s gotten his fair share of once-overs and shoulder punches from her.

"Oh!" Uraraka pulls her hands from Izuku's hair suddenly, "Duh! The amnesia! Kiri told us!" She punches Izuku's shoulder good naturedly and he flinches. "Well let's go! You totally have to meet everyone!" She grabs him by the wrist none too gently and drags him into the dorm.

"Uraraka do not punch your classmates! How many times do I have to tell you?!" Iida follows her in, still scolding her.

----------

Izuku had taken the seat next to Shouto on the couch as soon as Uraraka had released his wrists, pressing their legs together and seeming to shrink into himself as far as possible. There are looks, ones that he catches and Izuku doesn’t seem to.

Kirishima catches his eye, and there’s a mixture of curiosity and compassion. He looks at them like they’re somehow kindred spirits. Shouto doesn’t have the mental capacity to untangle what that might mean right now, but he’s willing to bet his left foot it has to do with a certain perpetually scowling blonde.

Shouto excuses himself from the circle of their friends as soon as Izuku stops cowering, and has been watching his best friend interact with their classmates across the room ever since. He's intrigued by his reaction.

He knows the look on his face well. He's smiling. But it's tight, and his eyes are a touch too focused, his eyebrows a hair too furrowed. It's not that he's unhappy; completely on the contrary, really.
But he's out of his depth right now. He's afraid, intimidated, confused. Izuku is extremely stressed out, but he's trying to take it all in stride.
If he looks a little closer, he thinks Izuku's eyes might be a little shinier than usual.
If he's being honest, he's a little proud at how long Izuku has been holding back from crying.
Shouto considers again, for a moment, just how different this must be from Izuku's life experiences prior to coming to UA.

He'd had no one. Classmates that ridiculed him and bullied him relentlessly.
Now he's surrounded by a group of friends who are cheerily reintroducing themselves to him and being incredibly kind. They're showing off their quirks to him in a way that's not "look what I have that you don't". They respect him.

He's overwhelmed.

But Shouto thinks that on some level, it must be nice. He knows that normally, Izuku is extremely appreciative of the friends he's made at UA, and he's not shy about letting them know that, even the classmates he's not as close with. Hell, he's watched Izuku burst into tears when he thinks too hard about his friends. But this is far from a typical day. He thinks that Izuku must feel all that tenfold.

Maybe he's more than a LITTLE proud of how long Izuku has held back the waterworks.

It's a little funny to Shouto, just how thoroughly Izuku had decided to embody All-Might's philosophy of smiling through anything, even before he'd become a hero. Back then, he must have been afraid all the time. Izuku's open vulnerability with him feels even more special, all things considered.

Shouto smiles then, shakes his head a little. When did he learn to read Izuku so well? He supposes his best friend isn't exactly the most closed off person. He's not terribly difficult to get a read on. But he's more complex than Shouto thinks others might give him credit for. Sure, he's cheerful. But there are some deep rooted anxieties settled in that plague him fairly regularly.
He guesses that maybe this just comes with the whole "best friend" territory. Or maybe it comes with the "he's way more than a best friend" territory.
Shouto ponders that for a while.

He catches Yaoyorozu's eyes from across the room and she cocks her head at him. She can tell when he thinks too much. He shakes his head in return. He's not sure how to voice it all, and he's not particularly in the mood to try. To his dismay, however, Momo raises from her seat. She's blessedly unnoticed by most of their friends, save for Bakugou, who shifts his from glaring at where Kirishima's arm is slung around Izuku's shoulders, to staring Shouto dead in the eye. He taps his foot impatiently. Shouto averts his eyes. Bakugou's got things to say, and they're bound to be far less pleasant than Momo's. There's no way that either of them haven't caught the fondness that Shouto can't seem to keep off his face, and there's even less chance that either of them will let go of the fact that Izuku basically plastered himself to Shouto's side the moment they’d sat down.

"So what's that about?" comes Yaoyorozu's voice from his right.

Shouto sighs, letting his shoulders slump momentarily, not looking at her, "I don't-"

"Want to talk about it?" she asks, "Sorry, but you're not getting off that easy. You can't come in here with your crush attached to your hip-"

Shouto hisses a shushing noise at her frantically, and she continues in a more hushed tone, raising an eyebrow at him "and NOT expect me to ask questions," she slaps at his arm, "C'mon, spill."

Shouto presses his fingers into his eyes, and sighs in exasperation. "I don't know what to do, alright?" he says. He's a little more short with her than he means to be, but he's frustrated, and he knows she won't take offense. Then it all comes out in a rush, "I was worried. He's in the damn hospital too much. He woke up and I was holding his hand and I called him Izuku and he asked if we were together. Bakugou said yes, and he believed him, and I never got the chance to tell him otherwise. Then I got in too deep, and I just..."

"You didn't want it to end," Momo supplies softly. She pats his arm sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Shouto."

He shakes his head. "It's my own damn fault. I should have just said something."

"If it were that easy, you would have," Momo says.

"I don't want him to hate me," Shouto mumbles into his palms, "He's my best friend."

"He won't, " Yaoyorozu reassures him solemnly. "You know he won't."

"Everyone keeps telling me that," Shouto mutters miserably.

"Then maybe it's true," Momo bumps her shoulder against his. "Hey," she says more seriously.

Shouto looks up at her, then.

"It really will be alright," she pats his arm again. "He cares about you a lot, you know. You should consider the possibility that maybe it's as much as you care about him."

He follows her gaze to where Izuku stands with Kirishima's arm still slung around his shoulder, only to find Kirishima staring off with his brows knit together. He follows Kirishima's eyes then and lands on Bakugou, who is currently flinging himself out of his chair in the corner of the room. Kirishima's face lights up in a grin and he slides his arm from Izuku's shoulders, setting off to meet Balugou. His sudden absence goes blessedly unnoticed by Izuku.

Bakugou, with Kirishima in tow, begins stalking toward them, a frown set deep on his face. Shouto casts Momo a sidelong glance, and she squeezes his arm one last time.

"On it," she says, winking, "He won't notice a thing."

Yaoyorozu joins the circle of their friends and sets about asking Izuku if he'd like to see her quirk, and if there's anything she can make for him. He's immediately enthralled, spouting off rapid fire questions in seconds.

Bakugou stands in front of him, glaring daggers at the floor to his right. His hands are stuffed in his pockets, foot tapping incessantly. Kirishima still wears the same grin, arms crossed over his chest. He watches Bakugou expectantly.

Shouto stares at Bakugou for a long, uncomfortable moment. Silence stretches between the three of them.

Shouto is the one to break it. "Yes?" he asks Bakugou.

"Fuck you," Bakugou spits.

"He means he's sorry," Kirishima supplies, sharp teeth glinting with his grin.

Bakugou snarls, turning to Kirishima then, "Fuck you too, Shitty Hair," he snaps.

"He's REALLY sorry," Kirishima loops his arm around Bakugou's shoulders, pinching his arm. He is, to Shouto's utmost surprise, not immediately blown up.

"I wouldn't have had to say anything in the first place if you two would get your heads out of your asses and stop fucking pining each other every God damn day," Bakugou snaps, "You make me fucking sick. You won't fucking talk about it so you just make fucking cow eyes at each other and it makes me wanna fucking barf."

Shouto blinks, startled. Was he really that obvious?

"Yeah it's obvious, you fucking idiot. You think there's a single loser in this room that doesn't know how bad you've got it for that shitty nerd?" Bakugou jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the losers in question. "And what? You think they don't know how fucking head over goddamn heels he is for you?"

All Shouto can do is gape at him. He eyes their group of friends. They all know about his feelings for Midoriya? He feels faint.

Kirishima tightens his arm around Bakugou's neck, "Yeah I think he gets your point, Bakugou," he says, quiet and even. He fixes Shouto with a sympathetic look.

"He means that he just wanted you two to get on with it, but he's sorry that it turned out to be THIS way," he kicks Bakugou's shin when he growls, "And he really hopes it turns out okay. Right, Katsuki?"

Bakugou's cheeks are on fire, and he won't meet Shouto's eye. "Yeah, fucking whatever," he mutters, "Don't make me deal with your shit for you again. It won't be so fucking nice next time."

"This was nice?" Shouto asks incredulously.

"Fuck you," Bakugou snaps again, "You're getting what you fucking wanted, aren't you?" he ducks out from under Kirishima's shoulder and saunters out of the room.

Kirishima shakes his head, staring fondly after Katsuki's retreating back. "He really does care," he says softly. "He'd die before he admits it, but he does." Kirishima scratches at the back of his neck. "He wants to make up for all the stuff he did to Midoriya in middle school. He kinda feels guilty, and he hates it."

"When did you become an expert on Bakugou?" Shouto asks.

Kirishima goes red enough to match his hair, "We're not talking about me right now," he answers a little too quickly. "But hey," his voice is serious, and he fixes Shouto with a reassuring smile, "It'll be alright. Bakugou seems pretty sure of that, anyway. And he's known Midoriya the longest, after all."

Why does everyone keep telling him it's going to be alright? They have no idea how absolutely screwed up the whole situation is going to make his friendship with Izuku.

Kirishima flashes him a quick, wide smile. "I'm gonna go catch up with him."

"Sure," Shouto nods, and watches him go.

He presses his fingers against his eyes, shaking his head in an attempt to clear it. He's talked about his feelings far too much today, and it's left him feeling unbalanced and vulnerable.

He's got too many things to think about, more than he's strictly comfortable with, really. So he settles for thinking about none of them, and goes back to watching Izuku laugh with their friends.

----------

Izuku excuses himself from his classmates a little later. They let him go, albeit a little reluctantly.
He crosses the common area to Shouto and he's not terribly surprised to find that Izuku looks exhausted. These two days have taken a pretty hefty emotional toll on him. It's as though he's been thrown into someone else's life. It IS the life he's been dreaming of, sure, but it's still foreign to him, and to so suddenly have everything you've been dreaming about thrust onto you has to be a lot to take in.

"Can we go?" he asks wearily.

Shouto nods, "Of course."

They leave the common room quietly. On the walk up to Izuku's room, Shouto decides to press a bit. "What do you think of our class?"

Izuku smiles faintly. His eyes are glassy when he looks up at Shouto. "They're... Really nice. And their quirks are amazing..."

Shouto waits, and when Izuku doesn't continue, he asks, "But?"

Izuku stops in front of his door.
"But I don't feel like I belong here," comes out quietly.

Shouto steps closer and tips his chin up, watches him quietly for a moment.
It's still perplexing to him, how quickly Izuku had taken to him after waking up. He doesn't feel like a particularly calming or reassuring person. He's not someone that people usually latch onto. Maybe Bakugou's assertion did more to set Izuku on the ground than he thought. After all, he was the only one that Izuku had recognized in that room. And then Mrs. Midoriya had greeted him familiarly... Maybe he was overthinking it. Maybe it had nothing to do with Shouto at all, and he was just taking his mother and childhood friend's word.

But Izuku was still voicing his insecurities to someone who should still, reasonably, be a stranger to him. Maybe it was about him... He shook his head.

This isn't an anxiety that's blossomed since losing his memory. It's something that Izuku has expressed before. He always stopped short, though, and Shouto could never quite figure out why. He became cryptic, and would refuse to explain himself, shaking his head whenever Shouto tried to ask more questions. Thinking back to the other day, maybe that had something to do with Izuku's insistence that he was quirkless. But right now isn't the time to think about that.

So Shouto reassures him the same way he always does:
"If you didn't belong here, you wouldn't be here," he says simply, "You got here on YOUR own merit, and you've held your own since then."

Izuku searches his face desperately for a moment, looking lost.

Then Shouto lets his mouth tilt up, "Besides, you think they let just anyone in here? We're very exclusive, you know."
He knows Izuku will laugh at him later for actually attempting to make a joke.

Izuku huffs out a laugh then too, surprising him, "Believe me, I know." He looks down at the floor, and then back up at Shouto.
"Thank you," his voice is earnest, "You've done so much for me."
His eyes are so impossibly large and green. They shine with unshed tears.

Shouto pulls him against his chest then, because if he doesn't, he might do something he'll regret later. He rests his chin on the top of Izuku's head. "You've done more for me."

----------

They decide to go back to Izuku's room to watch a movie. They're both tired, and they just want to do something to relax and not think about anything.

Shouto takes a seat in Izuku's bed, leaving plenty of room next to him for Izuku to sit down once he's placed his computer at the end of the bed. Izuku, apparently hell bent on surprising him, crawls into Shouto's lap, and situates himself with his back to Shouto's chest.

It’s wordless, and quietly familiar, and Shouto can't help himself. His resolve is broken, shattered into pieces and he needs to do this one thing for himself. He wraps Izuku up in his arms and buries his face in Izuku's hair. He focuses on how warm Izuku is, how hard and fast Izuku's heart beats under his hands. The way that Izuku sinks into him and relaxes completely, trusting him despite still not remembering who he is, it makes him melt.

Being Izuku's best friend changed his life, but nothing has been more fulfilling than being able to care for him in this way.

Izuku leans back and presses his cheek against Shouto's and Shouto can feel him smiling. He doesn’t say anything. Neither of them do. It’s as though they’re under some sort of spell; the kind that could be broken with a single sound.

It's the most whole that Shouto has ever felt. Izuku has to be able to feel Shouto's heart pounding against his back. He thinks that if he just turns, he can press his mouth to Izuku's. He just wants to kiss him once. He wants Izuku to curl his fingers into his hair and let Shouto show him how intensely he feels for him. He'd avoided the question when Izuku asked how they got together. He's been trying to swallow down his feelings and accept that this is all he'll get. He's being selfish as it is, and he shouldn't ask for more.

But right now, with Izuku's fingers lacing through his and his nose nuzzling against his cheek, he knows this will never be enough. He's working up the nerve to turn. To press a kiss just to the corner of Izuku's mouth.

And Izuku goes absolutely stiff in his arms.

Shouto stops breathing.

Izuku scrambles out of his hold and stands.

Shouto sees the horror of realization sliding across his face and all of a sudden he can feel his heart pounding in his ears.

"Shouto?" Izuku asks.

Shouto stands. He can't feel his legs. His hands are shaking violently.

"You remember," he croaks out.

Shouto can't breathe.

The illusion shatters. Their friendship is over. The regret slams into his chest hard. Izuku will hate him. He's taken too much. He let it go too far.

Fire is screaming under his skin. He makes a move for the door and Izuku crackles in green lighting.

He's in front of the door before Shouto makes it halfway across the room.

"Don't you dare run away from me," Izuku says sharply.

Fire breaks out on the left side of Shouto's body.
Izuku's expression is suddenly one of absolute alarm.
Shouto desperately tries to put the fire out with his cold side because Izuku is coming closer with his hands held out like he's approaching a frightened animal and he will NOT burn him.

"Shouto."

He keeps calling him that. Why does he keep using his given name now? They're not friends anymore. Shouto will go back to being alone.

"It's okay."

"It's NOT okay," rips out of Shouto's throat hoarsely "I took advantage of you when you didn't remember."

Izuku drops his hands. "From what I remember of the last three days, I initiated EVERYTHING. You just let me. If anything, I took advantage of your friendship. And you stopped me from kissing you. You stopped me from taking advantage of YOU."

Shouto finally puts out the last of the fire on his fingers, and he clenches his fists to keep it from flaring to life again.

"I just want to know why you let me," Izuku says. "Were you just humoring me? Did you know? You had to know. I'd been so obvious. Kacchan knew. Of course he did, that's why he did this."

"W-what?"

Izuku stops muttering to himself to look up helplessly, "Were you humoring my feelings for you because you felt bad for me?"

"Your... What?"

Izuku goes absolutely pale, "You didn't... You didn't know."

Shouto can't see straight. He backs up until his knees hit Izuku's bed. Izuku has feelings for him? That can't be right.

"I'm so sorry. Oh God I can't believe. You didn't know. It's fine! It doesn't have to mean anything. I'm just happy that you're my best friend! I don't want it to be weird! " Izuku is in front of him, bright red, waving his hands wildly.

But he stops suddenly, breath catching in his throat. He looks almost hopeful. "But if you didn't know. Why... Why did you let this happen? Why didn't you tell me?"

Shouto snaps into focus. He looks at Izuku standing in front of him, wringing his hands nervously and looking absolutely terrified. Izuku has feelings for him. It guts him.

"These were the best three days of my life," tumbles out of Shouto’s mouth before he can stop it.

Izuku claps a hand over his mouth. His eyes are filling with tears.

"Shouto you can't mean," chokes it's way out from behind Izuku's fingers. "There's no way," Izuku hiccups. He curls in on himself, "You can't want ME," he squeaks out.

That's absolutely not right.

Shouto steps closer, holds his hands out but isn't sure if he's allowed to touch. His fingers shake. They ache with the want for Izuku's arms to be under them.

"I do." he says. And he's ashamed of how hard his voice trembles, "I DO want you. You have no idea. I didn't tell you because I thought... I didn't think you'd ever want... I thought this was the only way I'd ever... Get to know... What it was like."

Izuku looks like he's been hit over the head. And then suddenly he's colliding with Shouto's chest and wrapping his arms around his waist, shaking his head against Shouto's collarbone.

And with Izuku in his arms, suddenly it’s easy to let it all spill out. "I meant all those things I said about you changing my life. You've done so much for me. You're the best friend I've ever had. I think I've wanted you since the Sports Festival."

Izuku squeezes him so tightly he thinks he might crack Shouto's ribs. He pulls back suddenly, hands still pressed into Shouto's back to keep him close, and the smile that stretches across his face takes Shouto's breath away.

He can't help but reach up to let his thumbs swipe gently at the tears that seem to endlessly roll down Izuku's cheeks. Izuku leans into his palm and looks at him like he's hung the stars, and Shouto can't find the words to describe the warmth that blossoms in his chest.

"You really mean it? " Izuku asks in the smallest voice Shouto has ever heard, and it almost breaks his heart. His disbelief that anyone could care for him had really settled in deep.

"I almost kissed you," Shouto answers quietly, "Just before you remembered. Because I thought it was the only chance I'd ever get. I'd told you no because I wanted you to remember me. I wanted you to want to. Not just because you thought we were dating and we should. But I wanted... I didn't want to never know what it was like."

Izuku pulls him closer, fingers curling into his shirt, "You know. I couldn't wait to remember you again. Because all I wanted was for you to finally kiss me."

Shouto sucks in a breath. His head is spinning.

"I couldn't believe that someone like you could be with me, I guess. You were so... Beautiful. You amazed me. You made me feel safe, and comfortable. And you made me that heart and the way you looked at me when you gave it to me... I wanted to spend the rest of that night learning everything about you." Izuku's voice is quiet and sincere.

Shouto's heart is in his throat. His stomach flutters. They're chest to chest now, and Shouto can feel the way that Izuku's heart pounds against his own. His fingers shake where they come up to rest lightly against Shouto's wrist. It's horribly endearing.

"Can I kiss you now?" Shouto breathes.

Izuku's curls brush his forehead. He watches him lean into his hand and his eyes flutter closed for barely a second. "Yes," he sighs.

Shouto bumps his forehead against Izuku's affectionately, then leans in until he can press a soft kiss to the freckles that pepper Izuku's cheek. He lets his thumb stroke over Izuku's other cheek. Pulls him impossibly closer, and lets his mouth press to the corner of Izuku's lips. Izuku shakes harshly against him, his breaths shallow.

He lingers there for a few seconds, and then lets his lips just barely brush over Izuku's.
Izuku leans heavily against him.

"Please," he whispers, and Shouto finally presses closer, sliding his mouth over Izuku's.

Izuku sighs against him, and brings a hand up to curl around the back of Shouto's neck. He burns so sweetly, and he can't imagine being anywhere else. The wind is knocked out of him by the sheer force of his feelings. Izuku makes a small contented noise, and it turns Shouto's legs to jelly. He pulls back, just enough to take in the freckled pink glow of Izuku's cheeks, the flutter of his eyelashes against his cheeks, the soft puff of an exhale against his mouth, and he can't stop himself from leaning in again. Shouto kisses him gently, holding him as though he's afraid Izuku might break into pieces. They stay like that for a while, wrapped up in each other in the quiet of Izuku's room, until Izuku starts giggling.

"You're laughing at me again," Shouto murmurs, but he can't bring himself to feel hurt, not when Izuku's quiet laughter is right against his ear. It sends goosebumps down his arms.

"We're so stupid," Izuku shakes his head, hugging him tighter.

"Well, when have we ever been smart?" Shouto huffs.

"Especially when we're together," Izuku chuckles a little harder, and it borders on hysterical.

Shouto pulls back to look at him, and is only a bit surprised to find more tears shining in his eyes.

"We went through all of this," Izuku shakes his head again in disbelief. "We could have just talked to each other."

Shouto's cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "It's hard sometimes, alright? What was I supposed to say?" he gripes, "'Hey I know the only person you know here just told you we're dating and you look REALLY happy but actually, we're totally not together and I definitely DON'T have a massive crush on you'?"

"Aw," Izuku smiles, nuzzling against his cheek, "You had a crush on me. How embarrassing."

Shouto freezes Izuku's mouth shut. "You could have talked to me too, you know," he mumbles petulantly.

Izuku giggles behind his frozen lips, and Shouto sets on unfreezing them with his own.

They don't make it out of Izuku's room again that night.

When they show up to homeroom the next day hand in hand, well, no one is surprised.

Bakugou snorts.

"Morons."