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They had been talking about it for a while, for almost two months now. Hosea and Bessie weren’t getting any younger and they figured it was time to move on. They needed to start a new life, a good and honest life. They couldn’t be thieves forever, not if they wanted a family. So, after much agonizing and arguments, they decided they needed to leave.
It was dark now, their goodbye party had long since been done with. Most of the others had already bid them farewell and gone to bed. They were all ready to go...except they weren’t. There was one more thing that needed to be done. It was probably going to be one of the hardest things Hosea would ever have to do. But, it needed to be done.
With a heavy sigh, Hosea looked over at Dutch’s tent. Dutch was sitting on his bed, reading something by candlelight. As Hosea approached he realized the bed was already occupied...by Arthur. Arthur was curled up in bed, snoring softly as he slept. Of course...of course Dutch would have the boy sleep in his tent tonight...he knew what Hosea was going to ask of him. Hosea knew he’d have to be more careful now. “Dutch?”
Dutch’s face fell into a frown and he glared at his book, but it was clear that he wasn’t really reading it anymore. He probably never was reading it, how long had he been sitting here waiting for Hosea to come over and ask what he knew he would? He must’ve been here for hours, since Arthur fell asleep at noon. He had made it a point to not talk to Bessie or Hosea for the whole day, outright ignoring them for the whole day...the whole week really. Even since they announced they’d be leaving in a few days.
“Dutch,” He tried again, “Can I sit with you?”
Dutch didn’t look up from his book but Hosea saw the way his eyes momentarily flicked over to where he stood. Hosea rolled his eyes at Dutch’s stubbornness and sat across from him anyway. Hosea didn’t miss the way Dutch’s grip on the book loosened, “Come to say goodbye?”
“We both know why I’m here.” Hosea swallowed, “We both know what needs to be done.”
Dutch snorted, “No, actually we both don’t know, Hosea. See, I’m not letting you take him. He belongs here, with his family.”
“He needs an education, more than what we can offer as outlaws. He deserves to have a real home and a good life. This life isn’t a good one, he deserves better.” Hosea tried to smile, but the way Dutch’s glare deepened let him know that his words were having little effect. Dutch was a stubborn man and he wasn’t likely to give up anything, or anyone, very easily.
“If you and Bessie want to take your chances out there, in that wretched and cursed society, than go on ahead. But, you are not dragging him into it. Not out there.” Dutch threw his book to the ground and stood, crossing his arms across his chest. “You can go now, Hosea.”
Hosea sighed and pushed himself up to stand, “Dutch, come on now. We both know...we all know that Arthur is a bright boy. A bright boy who will soon be a man. He can either remain here, remain an outlaw and steal and kill for his living or he can come with us. We’ll take care of him and give him a home and education. He could get a good job, an honest one. He can have a good life.”
Dutch let out a bark of a laugh at that.
Hosea found himself frowning.
“What’s so funny, Dutch? I’m being serious.”
“You , Hosea. You are what’s funny. He can have a good life . You and I both know that ain’t true. Arthur he’s...he can’t live out in that society. None of us can, your fooling yourself if you think you can.” Dutch’s frown was gone now and in its place was an amused grin.
Hosea found his temper flaring at Dutch’s words, “I know how you feel about it, you know I feel the same, but Arthur is coming with us. Whether you like it or not he is getting a chance at a good life and you have no right to take that from him!”
Hosea moved to wake Arthur up, but Dutch side stepped directly into his path. His amused grin had left and his glare had returned. Hosea tipped his head back slightly and took in the look in Dutch’s eyes. His eyes were blown with rage, “Move.”
“No, Hosea, I don’t think I will.”
Hosea knew he and Dutch could fight. They had been together for so many years now and they knew each other so well. Hosea knew Dutch’s weak spots, just like Dutch knew his. Hosea knew that they were evenly matched and the chances of him winning in a physical fight were fifty-fifty. Whoever won would get their way, who ever won would decide whether Arthur left or stayed.
Except Hosea didn’t want to fight Dutch. He didn’t want to hit him, this man who he lived and stole and killed with. No matter their differences, he never wanted to hurt Dutch. Not really. So, instead of squaring his shoulders and raising his fists, he relaxed and raised his hands up.
“Dutch, I won’t fight you anymore on this manner. Arthur is coming with me and Bessie and that’s final.” He took a step forward but without warning found his head jerking to the side. He heard a gasp from behind and he felt a sting on his cheek.
He heard the sound of skin meeting skin in a vicious slap.
Slowly, Hosea turned his head to face Dutch again. Dutch’s eyes were glaring a hole right through him. Dutch’s gaze stung almost as bad as his face did. Hosea was close to snapping at him. He was close to just throwing away the years spent together and just beating the shit out of Dutch right here. But, then he saw the tears in Dutch’s eyes and he heard the shakiness of his voice.
“Don’t you dare take my son away from me, Hosea. Don’t you dare.” Dutch had squared his shoulders and had balled his fist. The next strike wouldn’t be a slap, it would be a punch.
Hosea let out a long breath through his nose, “Dutch.”
“No, we-” For the first time in a long while, Dutch wasn’t sure what to say. “We’re done, Hosea. Go.”
This time the anger left his voice and what was left was something Hosea wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to properly place. Regret maybe? Remorse for what he had done? Hosea wasn’t sure but all he knew was that he didn’t like the sound of it. Truth be told, leaving Dutch’s lips, he wasn’t sure if it was even real. “Please , Hosea, just go.”
Hosea’s arm shot up and gripped Dutch’s shoulder hard, but they never broke eye contact. Hosea offered a single short, jerk of a nod and then shoved Dutch aside as he slowly and quietly approached Arthur. He was a heavy sleeper when he was tired and so, even when they had raised their voices considerably, he hadn’t roused even a bit. Hosea knelt down and got a good look of the boy’s sleeping face.
His boyish features were quickly waning in favour of that of the rugged features of a handsome young man. He was getting taller and stronger every day, one day he’d be able to hunt and fish and... rob all on his own. Hosea was proud, so very proud that he felt his chest constrict in pain when he imagined that this would be the last time he saw his boy...his son . He managed to choke back a cry and he leaned forward and placed a single kiss on the boy’s forehead. “Goodbye, Arthur.”
He stood and turned, Dutch was still standing there, watching with teary and desperate eyes. Hosea found that he didn’t have the heart, or the strength to fight anymore. So, he simply moved forward and caught the man in firm hug. He shoved his face into Dutch’s shoulder, inhaling his rugged scent, and gave the man a chaste kiss on his cheek, “Goodbye, Dutch. Take care of our son.”
Dutch’s shoulders began to shake and out of his chest came a shaky exhale of breath, “I will, Hosea.”
Their hug lasted a few seconds longer, until Dutch’s shoulders finally stopped shaking and his breathing was even once more. Only then did Hosea pull away and push pass him without saying another word. Bessie was standing not too far away, her eyes filled with worry, “Arthur?”
Hosea stopped in his tracks in front of her. He turned to look back at Dutch, who was sitting over Arthur and refusing to face them, and then turned back to Bessie. He shook his head and that was all she needed to know. She gave a slow nod and then ushered him over, they were leaving now. They got onto their horses, already packed with their sparse amount of belongings, and left the quiet and sleeping camp without another word.
*
It had been one month, two weeks and four days when Hosea found himself crying into his wife’s skirt. Once second they were idly chatting and than their thoughts turned to the gang, turned to Arthur. Hosea thought of his son, left behind, and he couldn’t stand the thought of never seeing him again. He crumbled as he stumbled his way to Bessie, who was washing some dishes as he folded laundry, and soon he was falling and burying his face into her lap. She rubbed his back and kissed his head as he sobbed, assuring him that Arthur was okay but her words fell on deaf ears.
He couldn’t stop crying, he couldn’t stop worrying.
“What if he gets hurt?”
“Mr. Strauss and Ms. Grimshaw will take care of him.”
“What if he needs help with his reading?”
“Dutch is there with him.”
“What if has a nightmare?”
“He hasn’t had any in the past year.”
“What if he misses us? What if he thinks we abandoned him? What if he waits for us to come back and we don’t? What if he dies , thinking we didn’t love him anymore?”
Bessie tried her best, she really did, but she just never seemed to be able to fully banish those horrible thoughts from his head. Hosea’s bouts of guilt repeated themselves often, often enough that they were quickly becoming a weekly occurrence. Hosea felt shame settle into his stomach until, one day without much warning, Bessie took his hand and sat him down on their bed.
“Do you want to go back?”
He spoke before he really had the chance to consider the words that left his lips, “Yes.”
And so they did. They packed up their things and quickly tracked the gang down. Hosea kept asking, “Are you sure? We don’t have to. I can do better. We can try again.”
But she just waved him off and kissed his cheek, “I’m sure. We do have to. You did your best. We don’t need to try again.”
As they trotted back into camp, they were quickly greeted with wide smiles and beaming faces. Bessie smiled and was the first to dismount her horse. She went to the other women, hugging them and allowing them to ask their questions. Hosea gaze only skimmed over faces until he saw who he was looking for. Arthur was sitting on a log, glaring at a book. He jumped off his horse and, as casually as he could, ran over to Arthur and pulled him into a hug.
He yelped in surprise, but he tried to stifle it with a cough, “Ah! Hosea, your back!”
Hosea was nearly in tears and didn’t trust himself to speak, so he merely nodded and didn’t let go until Arthur was mumbling and grumbling like he always did. “Okay, old man, you can let go now.”
He relented and stood and as he did so he caught Dutch’s gaze across from camp. Dutch was staring, his eyes narrowed and almost accusatory. Hosea sighed and made his way over.
“Dutch,” Hosea began but Dutch just grinned and pulled him into a hug.
“I knew you’d be back.” Dutch laughed, a loud boisterous laugh that Hosea didn’t realize he missed until he heard it rumble from deep within Dutch’s chest, “I knew you’d come back to me. Outlaws for life, huh?”
Hosea nodded and laughed and patted his back and left him alone to go help Bessie set up their tent. “We can talk more later.”
When later came Hosea found himself awake, Bessie asleep in bed and Arthur curled up next to her. Apparently...Arthur hadn’t really noticed they had been gone, Dutch had been keeping him busy with work and robberies. He thought they were just going out to check out a few leads. He hadn’t realized that they hadn’t meant to actually come back. Hosea preferred it that way, no one else said otherwise. Hosea sighed and slowly got out of the bed and made his way over to Dutch’s tent.
Dutch looked up at him, a smug little grin on his face. He patted the space next to him, on his bed, and Hosea took the offer. As soon as he sat Dutch wrapped an arm around his shoulder and turned Hosea’s head towards him and pulled him into a kiss. “I knew you’d come back to me.”
Hosea’s eyes drifted over to his and Bessie’s tent. Arthur and Bessie were asleep under the covers, Hosea imagined that once he was done with Dutch, he’d go over there with them and they’d all go to sleep together. A little happy family, if only as outlaws than so be it. His gaze focused on Arthur, his boy who was almost a man now. He didn’t look at Dutch when he said, “Of course, I came back for you.”