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People, people, people…
It was all Charlie was able to focus on at the time. There weren’t too many people wandering the dusk city streets at this hour, but the few that were still roaming about were enough to send another jolt of panic through Charlie. A person would go by and Charlie’s heart would pick up, his eyes nervously shooting around in apprehension. He gripped Panda’s paw just a bit tighter, ready to protect him as a college student passed by them. She made no acknowledgement of them as she walked by, but Charlie still felt way too overwhelmed.
“We can go home if you want,” Panda said, suddenly. “We can have dinner at home.”
“I-It’s fine! Y’were lookin’ forward to this,” Charlie forces a smile, Panda frowns in sympathy, and they stop walking. “I’m fine, I promise.”
Panda hesitates. “Whatever you say,” He says, but his voice is full of concern and doubt. Charlie can tell Panda doesn’t believe him, and they start walking again.
Deep down, far from admittable, Charlie wanted to go home. The only thing worse than being around people was being around the threat of people, never knowing when you’ll have to face them. One pair of eyes burns hotter than a thousand, and Charlie knew that better than anyone. He pushed this fear way, way back into the deepest corners of his psyche, though, and focused solely on making Panda happy. If Panda was happy, he was happy.
If Panda was happy, he was happy.
They turned a corner, and Charlie nearly hit the concrete.
“Oh, hey!” A person. They seemed to light up once they saw Panda and Charlie, walking towards the two. Charlie felt like he was going to be sick, and squeezed Panda’s paw harder than he ever had before. He wanted to run. He wanted to run and never go into this stupid city again.
“Do you know where the library is, by any chance?” The person had asked, and Charlie was left stammering, never having felt more vulnerable in his life. Heart beating in his throat, all Charlie could do was work on gathering all the willpower he could to avoid collapsing.
“It’s the fourth building on Birch next to the bank,” Panda interjected, throwing Charlie a lifeline. He had rushed it, and it all came out in one exasperated string of words in a single short breath.
“Hey, thanks, man!” And with that, the person was on their way.
The first thing Panda did when the stranger was reasonably far away enough from them was grab Charlie’s entire body (or what he could reach) and pull it close, apologies pouring out of his mouth into the fabric of Charlie’s iconic trench coat.
“Charlie I’m SO SORRY,” Panda cried, tilting his chin up to look up at Charlie. “I shouldn’t have brought you out here, I’m so sorry!”
Charlie tried to shake off that encounter before pulling his arms around his shorter boyfriend, stroking a hand over his head. He took another moment to sort out his breathing and let his heart get back on track, and took a breath before replying.
“I-It’s not your fault, pumpkin,” Charlie soothed.
“No, Charlie, stop,” Panda pulled away, and Charlie could see tears wetting the outskirts of Panda’s eyes. He blinked them back into his eyes, and put his paws out in front of himself. “I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around.”
Panda held onto the bottom of Charlie’s trench coat with his little grabby paws, casting his gaze downwards. “I’ll take you home.”
“But what about--”
“Charlie, when you’re comfortable, I’m comfortable. Your happiness is mine, and if you won’t be happy out here, neither will I. I’m taking you home.”
Charlie didn’t reply and let Panda take him by the hand, letting a relieved smile spread across his face. He felt guilty about it, and the smile dropped. “I’m real sorry.”
“Don’t feel bad!” Panda chimed, squeezing Charlie’s hand lovingly. He smiled warmly. “It’s a stupid restaurant, I’d rather be alone with you anyways. I can try to cook for us, and we can have a nice date at home.”
Home. That’s where Charlie wanted to be most of all. At home, with his boyfriend, with no scary strangers to disturb them. That seemed like the ideal evening.
Every time they were about to turn a corner Panda would fully scope out the whole area to make sure it was safe for Charlie. Fortunately, the two were never victim to another horrid encounter like the first one, and they made it home safely. Despite this, however, Charlie stayed mostly silent the entire walk back when Panda wasn’t initiating conversation, in which he still said very little. Panda couldn’t say it didn’t pain him seeing Charlie in this state, this was supposed to be a nice evening for them.
That was it, Panda would put his whole everything into this evening. For Charlie.
Grizz and Ice weren’t home, they were spending the night at some stupid conference; Panda thanked goodness for this.
“Let’s go get out of these…” Panda paused, looking himself over. He wasn’t wearing much, even compared to Charlie who was dressed to the nines in his usual public attire. “...Clothes.”
...If he could even call it that, but he just wanted to be in the room with Charlie. They walked into the room together, Charlie as quiet as he had been all evening. Panda took off his bowtie and threw it on his dresser, and he was done.
“Sure am glad to be home,” Charlie commented, the most he’d said all evening, hanging his clothes back up in Panda’s closet.
Panda’s heart ached again when he heard the forced happiness in Charlie’s tone, and he sat on the bed. If there was one thing Panda knew about Charlie, that he knew more than anything other than the fact that he wanted to be with him for the rest of his life, it was that Charlie was touchy. Very very touchy.
“Here, come sit with me.”
Charlie smiled, for real this time, and crawled in next to Panda. Panda wondered if he should pull the covers over them, but already knew he was dangerously close to falling asleep, he knew he couldn’t handle that risk.
The first thing Panda did when Charlie sat next to him was wrap his whole both arms around him; the second thing he did was half-yell that he loved him. Panda was no expert at comforting, but at least he was good at stating the obvious.
“I love you too, Panpan.” Charlie replied, and Panda kept holding him.
“Are you still upset?” Panda asked. He knew the answer.
“I’m just sad I ruined your night,” Charlie explained. “With my own dumb insecurities.”
“You didn’t ruin my night,” Panda reaffirmed. “Charlie, no time I get to spend with you is wasted! I get scared of a lot of things too, it’s not dumb if it makes you feel that way.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! You’re like, the most valid person I’ve ever met,” Panda took Charlie’s hand, toying with it absentmindedly. “Don’t force yourself to be uncomfortable with something just to make me happy.”
“But I want you to be happy,” Charlie contested. “I’m okay with being uncomfortable if it means you’re happy.”
“No, Charlie,” Panda continued playing with Charlie’s hand. “We can come to happy mediums. I want you to be comfortable, always!”
Charlie gave a shy smile, and Panda smiled bashfully in return. “You really mean that?”
“Yeah! If we’re ever doing something that makes you uncomfy, I want you to tell me so we can decide on something just as fun that isn’t stressful. Like this, for instance!” Panda gestured to their current seating/laying arrangement. “If we're out and anyone tries to come up to us and bother us, I’ll beat them up, I promise.”
Charlie laughed at that, simply imagining the idea of his tiny boyfriend hurting anyone was so absurd it was hard not to love. “Thanks, pumpkin.”
Panda giggled too, and the contrast of their mingling laughs made Panda’s heart flitter.
“Ugh, I don’t even know if I want to cook.” Panda groaned. “Let’s just order something.”
It was late, but Panda was pretty sure Denny’s was still open.