Chapter Text
Digging in snow proved to be harder than Trash could have ever imagined. The calico burrowed to her elbows and ignored the ice burning her paws. She had help from her Broken Remains peers, especially Huckleberry, so their progress on the hole was swift. At first she rejected Hucks help, despite him having the largest paws out of them all, but he begged to be included. She hesitantly allowed him to participate across from her, yet avoided his eyes. To her left, Grims' familiar red paws joined hers in digging. Trash focused on them, rather than Adders on her right. She couldn't bare to face him either, for it was Ismets grave they were digging.
Once Lime killed him, they had to act fast, so they allowed Grim to guide them through Outcast land and past the lake to their current spot. They trudged through snow until they found an appropriate burial site at the mountains base. It was more out of the way than Trash would have preferred, but they certainly couldn't bury him in the city or at the forest's edge. Grim swore this was a proper spot, for he claimed that once the snow melted, the grass would grow over with flowers. Ismets closest companions- Huck and Adder- agreed to the placement and they got to digging.
Icy dirt clogged their claws as the group dug into the damp soil. They remained silent through the process and refrained from complaining about the harsh conditions. The deep ditch took awhile to shape, but without breaks, the four cats had completed it to their liking. They then sat back to reflect on it. Grim mewed that it had to be deep enough so birds couldn't get to it in the spring, but not deeper that they'd be digging until then. His comment fell flat among the group, and he shamefully walked back in the city's direction. He never was great at coping. Trash watched her mate leave and dared to follow, but she stole a look back to her grieving peers. Ismets family glared hollowly at Trash, and the sinking feeling of failure set in for her. She cursed and blamed herself for his death before speaking to them at last.
"Is it okay if I.. or would you two rather me.?" The leader stuttered, voice hitching in her throat as she caught sight of Ismets body from behind the two tom's. He laid ghostly in the snow, his black pelt contrasting off the blinding white. Scarlet flecks of blood dotted the space around him, but for the most part, it had dried out. Adders nimble and shaking legs blocked her view.
"We can handle the rest ourselves. Thank you, Trash." The Abyssinian mumbled. Trash shortly nodded and frolicked after Grim.
She caught up to him at the lakes curve and trotted down the bank. Her companion was already on the short bridge in front of her, so she leapt up on the dark wood as well. She met him on the ledge that overhung the water. Trash took a seat next to Grim, flopped her tail over his, and leaned into his shoulder. He didn't acknowledge her past dropping his cheek on her head. The bubbly couples silence spoke volumes and neither of them wanted to speak first. But Trash appreciated the gracious quiet and took the time to admire the breathtaking scenery laid out around them.
From her spot on the bridge, shimmering snow and turquoise water flooded her vision. The mountain ranges ran farther and higher than the eye could see, so she was left curious as to what lay beyond them. Trash squinted upwards to see a peculiar bridge connecting two of the highest points. She pondered its existence and drifted into questioning her own. Dread and regret weighed her down so harshly, she had to lean farther on Grim for support. She surveyed the area without lifting her head, until she noticed Adder and Huck had begin covering the grave. Trash turned away as her view was interrupted by the mourners. She was glad she didn't have to witness his body fall into his final resting place.
Suddenly, Shades lessons about the afterlife sparked her thoughts into ignition. She wondered what this meant for his spirit, since he was murdered and buried with his collar on. Trash itched to rush over and rip it off his body so he could wander freely, but Shades instructions to give Broken Remains cats collars kept her seated. The demon said everything for a reason, and that specific instruction was no different. Trash wondered if Shade was watching her right now. She instead focused on her reflection in the iced over water below.
"Y'know, when I said I wanted to show you the mountains and the lake, I never meant like this." Grim scoffed and pulled away from his wife. He smiled lovingly at her and she tipped her head in return.
"Why do you joke in times like these?" Trash asked impulsively.
Grim appeared stumped at her question. He drew his mouth into a small line and furrowed his brows. He thought for a moment, held their tail tips together, and spoke, "I've had my fill of sorrow for one lifetime. I don't know how else to respond to death, especially not where I had such a strange relationship with the deceased." He blankly looked past Trash to Adder and Huck, who were patting the finishing touches on the grave. When he blinked back to the calico, she was fixated on the funeral with tears prominent in her eyes.
"Well, this is how I respond to it. It's how I always have," Trash sniffed, "but I never want to experience it again." She hunched and shook her head as her tears splashed the ice.
Grim opened his mouth but shut it when Trash sorrowfully looked towards him. While he didn't feel the same towards Ismet as Trash did, seeing her hurt was enough to make him reciprocate grief. He dropped to his belly and dangled his paws over the bridge. "don't make me give you the ' it's apart of life' speech, Trash." He rasped, cocking his head forward.
She closed her eyes and nodded, "spare me from it, because this is different. You promised me that you'd keep us safe. You didn't, I didn't, and I feel that the consequences rest on me as the leader of Broken Remains. I didn't sign up for this, I never wanted to experience someone who trusted me to die-" she jolted, "- I don't even know if he trusted me! He was taken from us so soon as an act of vengeance for something I did! I tried to balance out my responsibility and my own empathy and it didn't work, so now he's dead and I'm left without closure. I killed Ismet, it all comes back to me.. what will I tell Adder and Huckleberry?!" She yelped and sloshed out her words so fast, it left Grims head spinning to process the madness she had spewed.
"Ismets death is not your fault." Grim stated, "besides, remember that I convinced them they forced you to kill Cherry? All this does is further their hate towards the Rebels, and that's the aggression we need." He chimed.
"Regardless, that isn't even the truth! I killed Cherry, Limes best friend, so she killed Ismet! If I hadn't of done that, he would still be alive!" Trash cried and fell to his level. She thumped against the board and laid her chin on the wood.
"I need you to listen to me when I say this; Ismets death is not your fault." He reiterated while sitting up to fix his posture. Trash ignored his comfort and kept venting.
"Why did she pick him? Out of every cat- she should have killed me! Ismet wouldn't even have been involved if it wasn't for my actions! Lime killed a wounded cat who was practically marked as a target from the moment we met him! Grim, Shade told me it would be a waste of time to spend effort on bonding with Ismet. What I did in his life wasn't enough. It wasn't enough!" She wailed and covered her eyes with her paws. Trash braced herself to be lectured about how she did all that she could, but when it didn't come, she looked up at her husband.
"Who's Shade?" Grim curiously asked, his scar extending as he pulled his brow.
"Oh, Grim, I," Trash gasped at how she name dropped her associate. She had gotten too caught up, too comfortable, and too stressed to remember Grim didn't know who Shade was. After all the times she talked to Shade about him and received her blessing to reveal their deal, she never pictured telling him like this. As much as she wanted to backpedal, her alliance with Shade meant a lot to her and she wanted to share. Trash knew she could trust Grim, but that didn't mean their next conversation would be easy.
Grim noted her unease in the way her shoulders rose. He spoke up softly, "it's okay if you don't want to explain," he scoffed and looked out at the water, "we all have our demons." He mewed with a backing of humor.
"Mine may be more literal than you expect." Trash groaned. She knew she had Shades explicit permission to tell him, but there was no proper way to go about this.
"Lay it on me." Grim plopped down beside her. He tucked his paws under his weight and lapped softly behind her notched ear.
Trash hesitated before speaking. She looked behind her, glanced to her side, and checked on her grieving peers. Huck and Adder both paid vigil to their friend by lying next to his grave. From what she could tell, they placed frostbitten flowers atop of it. Snow quickly began to ice over the pile. She stole one final look behind her, then turned to Grim.
"When I was little, I made a deal with a demon. Except, I didn't know she was one.. it's absurd, I know-" she paused to gauge Grims belief. He stared straight faced at her with interest, so she continued. "I may have sold my soul to her without fully understanding what that entailed."
"What do you get out of this?" Grim asked. As he spoke, Trash wondered why Shade wasn't here to guide her through the conversation. She concluded that Shade trusted her word and style, and was instantly filled with a burst of confidence.
"Her assistance and mentor ship. I was so hopeless after the death of Flare, I had no one to turn to, so she swore to help secure my future." Trash bit her lip, "she is also able to possess my body if need be. That's how I killed Cherry, except, it wasn't really me. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you this sooner, I planned to tell you eventually, and I hope you can try to understand." Trash finished.
Grim teetered on his weight and shifted his paws out from under him. "You certainly are something else, Trash. I get it." He lovingly replied.
"She won't interfere with us , I just appreciate the mother I never had. The more I think about it, the more I want to be like her. Shade inspires me in so many ways." Trash cooed. But in her praise of the queen, she sadly watched Huck and Adder stand up from their silence. Trash looked at her tired eyes in the cracked ice below her. She noticed Grim stand up beside her as the duo of toms approached them. Feeling as through the moment would be stolen from her, she spoke powerfully, "I will keep Broken Remains safe at any cost. I need it to be safe for everyone who joins, and for those that are born into it.. I hope kits are in our future, Grim." Trash purred. "I see the way Pandora and Robin blossom around Owl, and I want that for us. I will make the city a secure place for all generations." She smiled til her eyes squinted. Grim immediately paled at her mention of kits.
"I love you so goddamn much, that since you were honest with me, I have to be in return-- but I don't think you'd want me as a father. I'm not the type." Grim mumbled. Trash bumped him playfully before replying.
"Don't be silly. You'd be excellent at it." She chirped. Grim pondered what to say next before he blurted it out.
"I was once a father before, believe it or not. But they slipped away from me. Same for their mother. I grieved in solitude for so long, that I built up endless walls to stop love from happening again.. then I met you." Grim scrunched his face as he remembered what he experienced before being dragged into the city. "I never brought it up, because how do you explain a horrible past relationship to an incredible new one? I was so young and reckless- and I still am." He mumbled.
"I'm sorry," Trash croaked, feeling as if her prompt had been inappropriate. Curiosity clogged her brain and she became swamped with emotions. She felt memories clicking into place with his reveal, yet held her questions in. Did he still love her? Who was she? What happened to their kits?
Was she in for the same fate?
His sudden, chilling voice, froze her deep thoughts.
"Don't be," he took in a lungful of frosty air and exhaled. "I had to tell you eventually. Guess this is just our thing when it comes to clearing the air between us." He laughed.
Trash soured her expression and weakly nodded. "So what does that mean for our future? Would you ever like to try parenthood again? I fully understand if not, just say the word." Trash sat up and leaned in.
"Give me some time to warm up to the idea, but it's not a definite no. I think it'd be good for us." The breeze ruffled his fur and he grinned. "Maybe it's about time I settled down for life."
Trash rubbed his chin with her head and felt purrs rack through him. She joined him to her paws and took a final glimpse at the mountains, the water, and Ismets grave. Trash and Grim turned to walk up the bridge and meet their friends on the crystalized sand. Her eruption of joy quickly flickered out upon facing off with them.
She starkly noticed Adders short cheek fur had been streaked with flatness. His posture hung, and he walked as if the wind could blow him down. Huck appeared to be in the same rugged shape. She couldn't see the tear stains down his fluffy face, but his eyes were puffed and lowered from the weight of sobbing.
"You guys ready to go home?" Trash asked, rather than apologizing more. She instead decided to redeem herself with her actions. She would make it her mission to keep Grinstead safe in any way she could. She owed it to them.
They must have appreciated her straightforward reply, for they both agreed and the four of them all headed up the streamline to the city. They returned in the same way they entered on Outcast land, but to Trashs delight, they never caught sight of the trio. Trash took her time trudging through the various depths of the snow, for she appreciated the rare feeling of grass beneath her paws. She was also the first one on the unfinished city road, and immediately, her paws ached to flop into her nest. They briskly walked back to the alley.
Vixen was quick to greet them with loads of love and concern. She and her companions whisked Adder and Huck into the side building where they had cleaned up the gore and prepared them a new bed. Trash and Grim were thankful to see the tidied up space, yet wondered how and who cleaned up the blood that had been shed on the rubble pile. Even the patch in the alleyway from Mist was gone. They chose not to question it or ask and instead silently appreciated the cleanliness. Despite it being early and her body aching for food, she felt that she needed rest first. Grim entered their cozy box and she excitedly followed.
Warmth surrounded Trash in her bed with Grim. She buried her nose in the thick of his bushy tail and inhaled his scent. He shifted behind her, rubbed his chin on her lower back, and curled himself closer around his wife. Grim had fallen asleep as soon as he hit their blankets, but Trash still had a pep of energy in her veins. Her eyes fell fixed on the entrance to the alleyway. Her mind wandered to think of how she could elaborate on her scheme to better and protect Broken Remains, but Shades comforting voice lulled her eyes shut.
"You did good, now get some rest. I can't wait to see you."
Trash fell asleep with ambitious motivation in her dreams. She would make everyone proud of her leadership, she just needed the right opportunity to assert it. With Shade as her guide, Trash dreamt about how she could shake the city next.
She swore that Grinstead wasn't ready for her. No one was.