Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“That!”

“What?”

“That!”

Anthony J. Crowley narrowed his eyes and turned his head to peer out the window Aziraphale was sitting by. The angel, having sensed he’d moved to look, quickly widened his eyes and pointed his hands a little dramatically at the steering wheel. “Look where you’re going, Crowley!”

Crowley didn’t. He made a face of utter disgust. “You just told me to look out the window!”

“No, I didn’t!” Aziraphale insisted. “I asked what that brown basket was by that tree over there!”

“Well, how in the bloody Heaven am I supposed to know what it is if I don’t look?” He shook his head, and Aziraphale was sure he’d rolled his eyes under those dark glasses, but nevertheless turned to look back at the road.

The angel leaned over slightly and desperately tapped him on the shoulder. “Wait! What are you doing? We must stop!”

“You just told me to look at the road!”

“Yes, well-“

“’Well’ nothing! Make up your mind, angel!”

“Stop the car!”

Crowley stopped the car probably a little more forcefully than needed, causing both men to lurch forward as it did so. As soon as it was stationary, Aziraphale opened the door and jumped out, walking briskly back the way they’d just come. Crowley simply remained in his seat, wondering about the strangeness of angels – or maybe it was just Aziraphale – before shutting his eyes and dipping his head. “Satan give me strength,” he muttered quietly, before opening the door and stepping out. He watched, one dark eyebrow raised, as a blur of tan scuttled off into the trees. He’d probably have disappeared in the enveloping darkness of the evening had it not been for the brightness of his suit and the glow which seemed to naturally encircle angels; otherwise, Crowley would have followed after him to ensure he didn’t wind himself up in any trouble.

As it was, the demon could see him quite perfectly from where he was leaning against his car. He was bent – presumably over the brown basket – and if he strained hard enough, he could hear him talking. Probably to himself, Crowley couldn’t help but muse.

“Well? What is it?” he shouted, narrowing his eyes slightly so he could gain better vision.

Aziraphale didn’t respond, still seemingly bent over whatever he’d found. Pushing himself away from the car, Crowley subconsciously titled his head slightly to the side and blinked several times, awaiting his response. “Oi, Aziraphale!” he shouted. The angel eventually turned his head, simultaneously lifting an arm and beckoning him over.

“Come quick!” he just about heard.

“What is it?” A cold breeze flew past him, and he found himself shivering slightly. He’d never liked the cold, though he supposed living in the fiery pits of Hell had something to do with that. Walking slowly down the empty road, completely dark save for the headlights of his car and the bit of moonlight the canopies of trees above them allowed through their leaves, Crowley attempted to crane his head to allow himself a preview before he came any closer.

He did not need to ask twice. Aziraphale stood up not a second later, and though his back was turned to him he could tell something was in his arms. As he’d said, there was a brown wicker basket on the floor. It was empty. He would have questioned him again if he hadn’t turned around.

“Oh my-“ The demon wasn’t quite sure why he’d taken a step back and his face contorted into one of absolute appalment. Maybe it was to do with the fact that Aziraphale, stood with a half-shocked and half-happy smile on his face, was holding a baby.

“Look, Crowley,” he said, stepping forward, “it’s a baby! A new-born, in fact.”

“I can see that,” Crowley said, amber eyes fixed on the bundle of blankets. “Now, put it down before you catch a disease.”

Aziraphale would have rolled his eyes, but since when did he do such a demon thing? “Don’t be silly.” He turned his head to peer down at the little thing, moving the tattered blanket out of the way so he could look closer. “Oh, how sweet!”

“Sweet? It’s not sweet, Aziraphale. It’s a human child. In the middle of a forest. That’s weird.” He crossed his arms over his chest, possibly attempting to make himself look intimidating, but Aziraphale was too fixated on the baby in his arms to notice. “Check if it’s microchipped or something.”

Crowley couldn’t remember ever seeing the look on Aziraphale’s face as he turned his head up to stare at him. The word he would use to describe it would most likely be ‘done’. Completely, utterly ‘done’… he’d picked that up from a few teenage humans. “Honestly, Crowley,” he said after a little while of looking directly at him, probably trying to figure out if he was being serious or not, “you wouldn’t think you’d been on this earth as long as I have.”

Crowley’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You don’t microchip children.”

Silence enveloped the two for a brief moment before the demon leaned forward a little, questioning look on his face. “You don’t?”

“Of course not!”

“Then what do people do when they lose their kids?”

“Believe it or not, Crowley, people don’t tend to lose their children.” Aziraphale gave his friend an over-exaggerated smile before returning his gaze to the child in his arms. He gave it one of his fingers and seemed delighted when a tiny hand grabbed it. Crowley couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the display.

“What the Heaven is this one doing in the middle of the woods, alone, then?” He was beginning to get irritated, now, if that was the correct word. Why couldn’t Aziraphale just leave the baby where he’d found it so the two could be on their way? It really did not seem much of an issue to him, but, then again, demons were always said to miss important points. Maybe the angel could see something he couldn’t. In any case, he wished he’d just get on with it and tell him.

Aziraphale heaved a sigh. “I know as much as you do,” he told him.

“Right. Well. What is it?”

“You know what a baby is, Crowley.” “No, you feathered idiot! What is it? Girl, boy? Male, female? Man, woman? Chico, chica? Peni-“

“Alright, I understand perfectly what you mean!” Aziraphale held one hand out, a look of faint disgust on his face, and Crowley immediately zipped his mouth shut. Shaking his head and muttering something inaudible, he gently moved the baby’s torn blanket aside before a huge grin adorned his face. He looked back up at Crowley. “She’s a little girl.”

Crowley attempted a smile but didn’t have much luck. “Great. Now that’s sorted, put it back and we can be on our way.” He moved forward and gently pushed the angel towards the basket. Aziraphale looked shocked.

“Crowley!”

“What? We can’t very much take it with us, can we? What if its parents come back or something? I’m sure it was left here for a reason.”

The baby was remarkably staying silent throughout the… ordeal between angel and demon, clinging tightly onto the former’s finger and staring up at him with big blue eyes. Aziraphale covered her back up with the blanket and lifted her slightly to his chest, holding her protectively away from Crowley. “There is never a good reason attached to leaving a baby alone in a basket in the middle of the woods. She could be eaten by wolves, or- or bears!”

Crowley opened his mouth to speak, faltering slightly before he blinked and nodded to himself. “Yeah, I don’t actually think there are bears in these woods.”

“Oh, that is not the point!” It wasn’t often Aziraphale became annoyed – he was typically so calm and collected – but if there was one thing that could aggravate him to the ends of the earth… his name was Crowley. Usually, he was alright, but there were times in which his demon antics could shine out like a flashlight and almost blind Aziraphale completely. This was getting close to one of those times. Pressing his lips together tightly, the angel held his head up high, shifted his hold on the baby, and made to move past Crowley in the direction of the car. “She is coming with us.”

Crowley stayed rooted to the spot for a moment before the angel’s words caught up with him and he spun on his heel. “Aziraphale, you can’t take it!” he insisted, hurrying to walk backwards in front of him.

“She, Crowley, not it.” He gave him a small smile. “If I do not take her, somebody else will.”

“Yeah, somebody better than us. Somebody who can take her back to where she belongs.”

“Oh, please. She was left out in the dark, dangerous woods with nothing but a nappy and a dirty blanket. It doesn’t take a fool to see that she was put here on purpose!”

Crowley stopped, and Aziraphale had to halt before he walked right into him. “What do you mean?” He was doing that strange head tilt again. Aziraphale briefly wondered if he ever actually realised he did it. He looked like a confused pupp- demon.

Sighing, he adopted a very serious face and looked his friend in the eye. “There have been many cases in which families who are unable to care for their children give them up.”

“What, and drop them off in the middle of nowhere?” He looked unconvinced.

“On occasion, yes.”

“Why?”

“Oh, various reasons. Lack of income, for example, and the inability to properly look after a child on top of themselves. Or unwanted pregnancies… a dangerous living area. Anything you can think of.” Aziraphale couldn’t help but think that Crowley’s sudden interest in the possible reasons as to why the baby was cast out could be counted as a good sign.

“But why the woods? Just drop them off at an orphanage.”

“There are no orphanages nearby, Crowley.”

“A hospital, then, or a church.”

The angel glanced down at the baby once again. She was still holding his finger. “If somebody got caught leaving their child in a basket on the front steps to a hospital or church – even an orphanage, at that – they could be fined. It is easier to just… well. Do this.” He nodded behind him where the basket still lay, and the demon craned his head to look. He frowned.

“Do what?”

Aziraphale stared hard at him for a moment, wondering if he really was curious or simply playing dumb. It was odd how the two had been living among the humans for as long as the other, and yet one still seemed oblivious to a lot of human tendencies. Seeing no sign that he wasn’t being serious, he sighed and gently shifted the bundle. “I believe this little baby was left out in the middle of nowhere on purpose, and it was her parents’ hope that some wild animal would come across her and have her as its meal.” Crowley had the decency to look surprised at that, possibly even disgusted. Aziraphale decided to continue. “It is not unheard of. It gets rid of the burden quickly and easily, and as soon as the child is off their hands, they can forget she even existed. I hinted at the idea a little before, but you seemed unaware.”

The demon shrugged. “You could say that. I’m beginning to understand a little more where the idea of humans being selfish came from.” His voice had quietened slightly.

Aziraphale smiled sadly. “Well, not all humans.”

“Thank whoever for that.”

“Yes, indeed.” Again, silence reigned for just a moment, the only sound being the quiet hooting of an owl nearby, and the gentle rustling of leaves above them as the light wind breezed through them. Crowley narrowed his eyes and peered curiously at the baby, watching as she squirmed a little. Aziraphale noticed and took a step forward. “Would you like to hold her?”

“No.”

“Alright, well… can I assume that I have your support in taking her back with us?” He was smiling rather sweetly, attempting to somewhat coerce the demon into saying yes. Of course, having his ‘support’ wasn’t totally necessary, but he wasn’t that optimistic that he could safely say he was entirely capable of caring for a baby by himself. He didn’t know what was going to happen next, only that he intended to take her somewhere safer, and he desperately wanted his friend’s help in it. Thankfully, Crowley rolled his eyes not a second later and uncrossed his arms, holding them out in front of them in surrender.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he said dismissively. “To yours, though, not mine. Can’t afford getting baby vomit on my new carpet, you see.”

Aziraphale didn’t seem bothered by his words. His smile grew into a grin, and he was close to excitedly bouncing on the balls of his feet. Far too close for Crowley’s liking. “Wonderful!” he said, beginning to walk yet again. The baby made a little noise, and the angel’s face was immediately painted with awe yet again. It seemed that everything the child did would be worshipped by him. Really, by nature, it should be the other way around.

Crowley begrudgingly followed after him, hands stuffed back in his pockets. “We’re not keeping it! You know that, right?”

“How would you feel if I went around calling you an it?” Aziraphale asked, looking over his shoulder but not stopping.

Crowley made a face. “We’re not keeping her.”

“I did not say we were. She can stay while we find her a new home with a nice family who will love her and care for her as she deserves. I will not see her off to an orphanage.”

“How very sentimental of you, angel.”

“How very not sentimental of you, demon.”

Aziraphale’s book shop wasn’t exactly equipped for a baby. Of course, there was an amount of living space above the shop, where the angel spent any time he wasn’t downstairs, but there still wasn’t much that could help him. “Hm.” He and Crowley stood in his hallway, glancing between the rooms and wondering where, exactly, the baby in his arms should go.

Crowley wasn’t doing much looking. “I know!” he said suddenly, holding an arm part-way up in the air.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened. “You do?” he asked as he turned to him.

“Yes! Why don’t we all get back in my car, drive to the nearest hospital, say we found a baby in the woods, and then you come back here and I go home?” He was grinning widely, glasses covering his shining eyes. As expected, the angel wasn’t impressed. He huffed and rubbed a thumb over the baby’s cheek – who was still amazingly keeping quiet. Neither supposed they’d ever seen a baby who didn’t scream every time someone looked at it.

“That’s not funny, Crowley,” he said.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny. Just resourceful. The authorities would do a better job at looking after a baby than us, I’m sure.”

“If we bring her to the authorities, they will immediately take her off our hands and the likelihood is we will never see her again! She’ll be dumped in an orphanage and probably spend years finding a family that we could give her in a matter of days!”

“You don’t even know the child, Aziraphale! What’s so wrong with never seeing her again?” Either he was getting very attached to the child, or his angelic instincts were taking over, giving him the need to ensure the baby was cared for properly.

Aziraphale was silent for a moment, and the demon wondered if he was pondering his words. That thought was diminished as soon as he shook his head adamantly. “No, I won’t hear of it. We’re not arguing about this again. She is here, now, and here she shall stay until we can find her a home.” He moved forward and turned left into a room that Crowley didn’t think he’d been in before, but he followed him nonetheless. (Not without dipping his head once again and asking Satan to save him, mind.)

The room was fairly small, filled with mountains of books and yellowed documents that looked ages old. As if the book shop wasn’t enough space to keep them! “Why aren’t all these downstairs?” Crowley asked, crossing his arms over his chest while glancing around the room.

“Ah… because these are special books. I don’t like them to be downstairs where- where humans can see and touch them. They are safe up here.” Crowley rose an eyebrow. One would think he was talking about the child in his arms.

“Right. I’m sure they’re all very exciting.”

“They are!” Aziraphale looked down at the baby, smile immediately widening when he realised she was staring back at him. “Oh! How would you like me to read you one as a bedtime story? Wouldn’t that be lovely? Yes?” He was cooing. Aziraphale was cooing. Crowley frowned and reached down, picking up one of the books. He rose an eyebrow and held it up for the angel to see.

“Yeah, I’m sure she’d love to read one of the first-edition Bibles.” Aziraphale gave him a look and he placed it back on top of the pile. “Why are we in here?”

“I have blankets and pillows and such in here. We can make a little bed for her, and then tomorrow we can go shopping for supplies!”

Crowley couldn’t have looked more aghast at the idea. “Ha! I do not shop, angel. You should know that.”

“But… it’s shopping for the baby.” He looked a little crestfallen.

“Does this-“ Crowley removed his glasses, snake eyes fixated on Aziraphale’s “-look like the face of someone who cares?”

“Apparently not.” He turned around and set about pulling things out of a cupboard, all while holding the child in one arm. Meanwhile, the demon stood behind him with his arms crossed, one eyebrow raised while he watched him. Aziraphale turned, giving him a look. “May I acquire some help?”

“I suppose. What do you need?” He was, quite frankly, appalled when Aziraphale stood up, walked over to him and handed him the baby. Mouth wide open and eyes narrowed, he snapped his head up to glare at the angel. “Take it back!”

“Her, Crowley!”

“Take her back, then!”

“You agreed to help me!”

“Not like this!” Blasted angel, he hissed to himself as Aziraphale smiled warmly before turning back to gathering up more blankets and pillows. Still at a loss really of what to do, Crowley mentally cursed the angel’s back. He turned his head down to the child, who was looking at him curiously. Aziraphale had wrapped her in a cleaner and thicker blanket, her little face peeking out from the top. She had bright blue eyes and rosy cheeks, little tufts of dark hair sticking out from the top of her head. Crowley had never held a baby before.

He would have continued to look at her little face if she hadn’t suddenly burst into tears. Eyes widening, he looked up and over at Aziraphale, who dropped what he was holding on the floor and rushed over to them both. “What happened?” he asked frantically.

Crowley, even more frantic, shook his head. “I didn’t do anything!”

“Are you sure?”

“Certain! Take her away!” He thrust the child away from him and Aziraphale took her, settling her back in his arms. Her cries died down, and both men looked at each other.

“Take her again,” Aziraphale said, handing her back to the demon despite his protests. As he’d expected, the baby’s eyes welled up again, her lip began trembling, and she started crying. Aziraphale took her back and she stopped.

“How offensive!” Crowley said, a most distasteful look on his face, and the angel chuckled.

“It’s rather funny, actually,” he said, and if looks could kill, he’d be ash on the floor. Truthfully, though the fact that the baby only cried when in the demon’s arms was quite hilarious, he couldn’t help but think that she’d just given him another reason as to why he wouldn’t want to help him care for her for a little while. He really did need Crowley’s support, even if his heart wasn’t all in on the cause.

His eyes widened in surprise when a little whimper sounded in his ears, and both angel and demon looked down to see that the child was getting ready to let loose again. Crowley grinned. “A-ha! It’s not just me!”

The baby was squirming in her blanket, little mouth wide open, expelling screams like one would breaths in mere seconds. Her tiny arms and legs were moving about, eyes squeezed shut, and tears were leaking out from under them. Aziraphale was in a frenzy, to say the least. “Oh, Lord!” he said, lifting her higher and holding her against his shoulder. He began to walk around the room, bobbing slightly and rubbing circles on her back.

Crowley rose both eyebrows. “Have you done this before?”

“Merely speculated.”

“Did these… speculations usually end well?”

The angel looked lost for a moment. “I can’t seem to remember.”

Crowley nodded. “Right, well, I don’t think this is working. What do you think’s wrong with her?”

“If I knew, I would fix it, wouldn’t I?”

“Whoa, angel. No need to get nasty!” Despite his words, a smile was still tugging at the corners of his lips. He had to admit that it was fascinating to see a usually reserved and composed angel get riled up by simple questions partnered by a baby crying. He probably would have smiled wider if the screams weren’t currently beginning to irritate him, too.

“I- I’m not getting nasty, Crowley, I just-“

“No, I know. Don’t worry.” Crowley stepped forward to where Aziraphale was still bobbing. “Look, let’s list off what we know about why babies cry, and then we can go from there, yeah?”

Aziraphale nodded. “Alright.”

“Okay. Number one… she could be hurt. Or feeling pain somewhere. That’s possible, right? Who knows how long she was in the woods by herself before we found her.”

The angel shook his head, rubbing the baby’s back a little harder. “I checked her over as soon as I realised she was in the basket,” he assured him, “that’s why it took so long. I scanned her for hypothermia and the like, and since the weather out there would most likely have given it to her eventually, I doubt she was there much longer before we came across her.”

“Okay, that can be crossed off the list, then. Next?” “Um…” The two of them contemplated for a moment. Strange, really, that they didn’t know much to do with children despite how long they’d been walking among humans. Even they would have believed they’d pick up on a few more. “Oh, I’ve got it! She may be hungry!”

Crowley’s mouth widened into a grin, and he pat Aziraphale on the shoulder that wasn’t currently… occupied. “Right! What do babies eat, then? Ice cream? Sandwiches? I can conjure up a little cupcake if she-"

“Baby, Crowley! She’s a baby! She has no teeth.” Here, he turned his back on the demon so he was able to see the screaming child, her open mouth displaying nothing but toothless gums. He turned back. “She doesn’t eat food, yet, she drinks milk. Formulated milk.”

Crowley shrugged. “Oh, right. Well, you could have just said so.”

“I did!”

“Here, mite.” An empty glass cup was coincidentally placed on a small table by the door, and Crowley turned, aiming a flick of his hand towards it and picking it up when it was filled with milk. “Drink this.” He held the glass out for Aziraphale, who sighed in irritation.

“Babies don’t drink out of cups.”

“What’s she going to drink from, then?“

“Dip your finger in it and let her suck from it.”

Crowley stared for a moment. “From my finger?”

“Yes. She’s just a baby, Crowley, it is no big deal.”

“I didn’t say it was.” Lifting his head up high, the demon rolled his sleeve up before dipping his finger in the milk.

“Is it warm?”

The milk rippled slightly. “It is now.” Aziraphale shifted the baby back in his arms, making sure to support her head so she didn’t hurt herself while wildly moving around under her blanket, and Crowley walked forward. He slowly took his finger from the milk and placed the cup on top of a mountain of books before sighing and waving his finger in front of the baby. “Look what I have!” The baby’s screams died down enough for her to see it, and once her mouth had closed slightly, Crowley gently pushed it through her little lips. He grimaced. “This is not overly comfortable.”

Aziraphale looked on with a hopeful gleam in his eyes. “Is she taking it?”

“Testing it, I’d say- oh. Nope. Not hungry.” The residual tears clinging onto the little girl’s long eyelashes fell immediately as she squeezed her eyes shut yet again and opened her mouth to cry. Crowley made a face and wiped his finger on her blanket while Aziraphale bounced her in his arms, a sore attempt to calm her down.

“Oh, darling, don’t cry!”

“Darling?”

“What is number three, Crowley? Quick!”

“Uhhh…” His forehead creased as he immediately began thinking. The baby’s screams weren’t exactly providing the most peaceful and quiet atmosphere he needed to properly think. He suddenly stopped and his mouth formed a little ‘O’ shape. “Ah.”

“What is it?”

“Do you suppose she may need a change of- ahem. Well.”

Thankfully, Aziraphale understood. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“I suppose babies do need frequent changes of their nappies, don’t they?”

“I guess. You’re the kid expert.”

“I am by no means an expert.” Nevertheless, the angel moved the baby’s blanket back with one hand and checked. He grit his teeth. “It would seem you are correct.” Both remained quiet for the shortest moment, looking a little woefully at the baby, who was still crying. Crowley clicked his tongue before suddenly lifting his arm to glance at the non-existent watch on his wrist. “Right, well, if I don’t get back now I’m going to miss tonight’s showing of Doctor Who, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to head home-“ He started to walk backwards, and Aziraphale shook his head desperately, eyes wide.

“No, Crowley, wait! You cannot leave now!”

“Look, angel, I didn’t want to take the kid home, so, technically, it’s not my problem, right?”

“Not right! Not right at all!” He rushed forward and grabbed Crowley’s arm. “Please stay.”

The demon would have shaken his arm free and raced out of the building as though he were being chased by a hellhound, but the look in Aziraphale’s eye told him all he really needed to hear. He had said he’d given his support, hadn’t he?

“Fine,” he finally relented, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’ll stay. But it’s going to take a miracle to get me to change her.”

Both angel and demon turned and stared at each other, each thinking the exact same thing. Almost equal smiles spread across their lips, and Crowley nodded so fast it was possible he could have broken his neck. Aziraphale shifted the child and took one of her tiny hands before shutting his eyes. A moment later he opened them, looking expectantly at her, and, after a couple seconds, she quietened down, the only sound emanating from her being her short little hiccups and whimpers. Crowley briefly muttered a ‘thank you’ to ‘whoever’ as Aziraphale triumphed by cooing yet again to the little baby. “Oh, you are so much sweeter when you aren’t crying,” he said, and Crowley rolled his eyes.

“Isn’t every baby?” The angel wisely ignored him. Instead, he walked back over to where he’d unceremoniously dumped the blankets and pillows and knelt down. “I would say she will sleep quite well after her bout of screaming.”

“Let’s hope so.” Crowley crossed his arms and watched with curiosity as Aziraphale set the blankets and pillows out on the floor, creating some sort of barrier around the makeshift bed – so the child wouldn’t be able to roll out and hurt herself, he presumed. Gently, he lay the baby down and covered her with a couple more blankets, tucking her in neatly. The demon walked forward and peered over the angel’s shoulder, watching as he guided the baby’s thumb into her mouth. He guessed it was a substitute for a dummy. Thankfully, the baby settled quite quickly, sucking on her thumb.

“There.” Aziraphale stepped back as though to admire his work. He stood next to Crowley, hands clasped in front of him, a proud smile on his face. “Isn’t she a wonderful little thing?”

Crowley shrugged. “I won’t disagree. Not the most wonderful, though.”

“What is it with you and babies?”

“Nothing. I’ve just… never had to care for one before.”

Aziraphale looked at him. “Well, you didn’t do a totally bad job at it.”

“Oh, thanks, angel. Not totally bad.” The two turned back to the baby. She was quickly drifting off to sleep, and Crowley didn’t doubt Aziraphale had made it so she’d have beautiful dreams. “She should have a name, don’t you think?”

“What?”

“A name! We should name her.”

“She’s not a dog.”

“No, she’s a child. And a child without a name is worse than a dog without a name.” Crowley didn’t answer that. It was true, he supposed.

“Why can’t her new family name her?”

“Well, uh… we do not know how long it will take to find her a new family, do we? In the meantime, she might prefer it if we call her something other than ‘baby’, ‘child’, or, in your case, ‘it’.”

Crowley glared at him. “I’ve stopped that, now.”

“Yes, I noticed.” The angel smiled at his friend despite the unfaltering glare. “It would be nice to have something of us passed onto her new family, though, wouldn’t it? Considering we found her.”

The demon shrugged. “Whatever. I don’t care.”

“Marvellous!” Aziraphale’s smile widened and he rubbed his hand together, apparently launching into thinking-mode. He narrowed his eyes and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “What about… Azura?”

Crowley gave him a look. “That’s the shortened female version of your name.”

Aziraphale blinked. “So it is,” he said quietly, turning a little awkwardly, “I hadn’t noticed.” He thought again. “Eva?”

“Maybe something less biblical?”

“I thought you said you didn’t care?” He shrugged again and the angel gave him a disapproving look. “Seraphina?”

“Less biblical, I said, not more.”

“Daisy.”

“That’s my worst favourite flower.”

“Edith.”

“Too close to ‘Eden’.”

“Willow.”

“Isn’t that a tree?”

Aziraphale heaved a sigh, probably attempting to calm himself. He turned fully so that he was facing the man next to him and crossed his arms over his chest. Crowley, raising an eyebrow, mirrored his actions. “You pick a name, then,” he said, and Crowley rolled his eyes.

“I already told you I don’t care.”

“Well, you seem to care very strongly for my choices!”

“How can I not when I don’t like them?”

“Oh, for Heaven’s sake. Please, pick a name.”

“No.”

“Please!”

“Don’t want to.”

“Crowley-“

“Angel.”

“I implore you-“

“I implore you.”

“Choose a name!”

“Elodie.”

“Crowley, just- I’m sorry, what?” His face softened, and he gazed at the demon in front of him. His face was still very much expressionless, but he could have sworn he’d said something.

“Elodie. Means ‘foreign riches’.”

“It’s… very beautiful. Elegant. French?”

Crowley nodded. “Met a girl with the same name back in Paris.”

“Ah. I like it.”

“Elodie Crowley. Perfect. Well, I’ll be off, then. See you tomorrow.” He turned towards the door just as Aziraphale furrowed his eyebrows and pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“No, wait just a moment! Why does her last name have to be yours?”

“Uh, because, last I checked, you don’t have a last name.”

“I could… make one up.”

“Then why should she have yours over mine?”

Aziraphale grew flustered. “Last I checked, you didn’t like the child!”

Crowley crossed his arms over his chest once again. “I never said that!”

“You heavily implied it!”

“I did not.” Aziraphale bit his tongue. He was an angel, not a demon, and angels weren’t rude when they didn’t have to be… though he supposed he could count this among one of those rare times when he had to be. Oh well. “I suppose her last name will change with the new home she goes to, anyway,” he said absently, and Crowley nodded.

“There you go, then. If you want, she can have a middle name. Choose that.”

The angel’s face lit up, and he turned to look at the baby once again. “Ah, yes! Will Azura do, then?”

“Elodie Azura Crowley. Fits, I guess. Sure.”

“Perfect.” He turned with a smile to peer over at the sleeping baby, face softening at the sight of her. “A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl.”

Crowley groaned. “Alright, I’m leaving before the sentimentality starts making me discorporate.”

Aziraphale chuckled. He turned around as the demon walked towards the open door to the room. “Can I expect you back here tomorrow?”

“I suppose you’re going to have to.”

A faint smile flit across his lips. “Well, I’ll see you then. Good night.”

“Night, angel.” Crowley gave a little wave before he rounded the corner. “Don’t wake up the baby!”

Chapter Text

Weirdly enough, Aziraphale hadn’t not expected Crowley to turn up. Though a lot failed between them, trust had never been one of those things. If one gave their word, they followed through with it. Therefore, he wasn’t surprised at all when he heard the engine of Crowley’s car outside his book shop at approximately 8:15 the next morning.

“Didn’t think I’d come?” he asked as he strode through the door Aziraphale had just opened.

Aziraphale shook his head as he stepped back to allow him through. “Oh, no, no, not at all. In fact, I knew you’d come.”

“You did, did you? What if I hadn’t?”

“There’s a baby here with your name, Crowley. I didn’t think you’d want to miss coming.”

Crowley didn’t answer, keeping silent as he walked up the stairs, the angel close behind. “How is she, then?”

“Good! Very good. She did not wake up once.” He could hear the happy grin in his voice. “I fed her the same way you did last night and then changed her.”

Crowley paused and turned around. “Physically?”

“Uh- miracle-ly.”

“Ah.” He began walking again.

“Yes, well, my finger didn’t provide her with much milk so we shall have to buy a couple bottles… oh, and clothes, too. Blankets aren’t giving her a lot of warmth. Nappies would be perfect, too. I think I’d quite like to have a go at changing her properly. Oh! I was thinking about the types of toys we should buy her… rattles, maybe, and stuffed toys… ah, and formulated milk. It’s better to give her that than continuously use our powers. Baby powders, and- and creams…”

Crowley couldn’t help but grimace with every word, yet he hadn’t the heart to stop the angel who currently sounded like a new dad. He briefly wondered how he’d deal with her loss. Though they’d only had her less than twelve hours, he truly did seem besotted.

“Well, let’s see her.” He turned the corner and walked into the room, crossing his arms over his chest and stopping once he’d moved a little further in. Elodie was laying in among Aziraphale’s pillows and blankets, gurgling quite contentedly and moving her little arms and legs around. He rose an eyebrow. “Happy little bugger, isn’t she?”

Aziraphale joined him, standing by his side. “And thank Goodness for that! Otherwise, we’d have a very difficult baby on our hands.”

“All babies are difficult,” Crowley told him. He moved forward and peered a little closer. “Did you stay up in here all night?”

Aziraphale hesitated. “Uh, well…”

“I’m guessing that’s a yes.”

“It was difficult not to! She’s such a sweetheart, especially when she’s sleeping!”

“If you continue to watch her sleep when she’s older, that’ll be considered stalking.”

“Well, it’s a good thing she’ll be gone, soon, isn’t it?”

They glanced at each other before turning back to the baby. “Very good, yes…”

Neither angel nor demon had ever had any reason to go shopping, let alone in Costco. Though they’d acquired a large amount of money over their many years, it wasn’t like they could spend it on anything over than house items and the occasional clothes. Of course, Aziraphale’s bill mainly consisted of ludicrously overpriced meals in posh expensive restaurants, and Crowley’s included car maintenance and endless pairs of dark glasses. The two would have the shock of their lives when they glanced at them again a little later and saw how it was filled with baby products.

Aziraphale greatly delighted in placing Elodie in the baby carrier attached to the front of the trolley. The smile on his face was huge as he strapped her in, dodging her kicking legs and arms. He’d placed a blanket under her for padding and another over her writhing body to protect her from the cold until they bought her some new clothes. Meanwhile, Crowley stood to the side, arms crossed, frown evident, leaning against a lamppost.

As soon as they’d entered the shop, Aziraphale rolled straight for the baby aisle and Crowley begrudgingly followed. The great thing about Costco was the fact that it sold anything and everything. There was an aisle especially for baby clothes, which Aziraphale began browsing straight away. “Oh, look!” he said ecstatically, turning around with a white one-piece in his hand. The biggest grin was on his face as Crowley leaned forward to peer at the black writing on the front. Aziraphale told him anyway. “Daddy’s little angel!”

Crowley said nothing. He stood straight, flicked his hand towards the one-piece and then walked past him. Aziraphale frowned after him before turning the item around to look at it. “Daddy’s little demo- Crowley!”

He definitely wasn’t in hearing range anymore.

Despite warring with himself over it, Aziraphale placed the new – not improved – one-piece in the trolley, as well as picking up another of the angel ones. He found a sweet little yellow shirt as well as black leggings and quickly placed them on Elodie, smiling when she seemed happier with her extra warmth. Tiny brown boots made their way onto her dinky feet, and a fluffy jumper with bunny ears on the hood was fit over her head. He kept the price tags so he was able to pay for them later with the rest of the stuff he bought.

“Can we get her this?” Crowley was holding up a stuffed panda, which must have been almost as tall as him, when Aziraphale rounded the corner to walk along the toy aisle.

The angel’s eyes widened. “Do you see the size of that thing?”

“Yeah, that’s why I want her to have it.”

“You want it for yourself, Crowley, not for the baby.” He shook his head and Crowley frowned.

“Not true,” he contended as he walked past, not-so-discretely dropping the bear in the trolley as he did so. Aziraphale didn’t take it out.

Crowley mainly picked out the toys, which largely consisted of stuffed animals, though the angel did toss in the occasional rattle and teething ring. Crowley had reminded him that Elodie wouldn’t be with them when she began teething, but Aziraphale’s excuse was that everything they bought her now would be passed on with her to her new home.

“Right. The pink or purple blanket, Crowley?” The demon turned, eyes widening at the sight of two luminous purple and pink blankets in Aziraphale’s held-up hands.

He shrugged, remembering the mountains of blankets Elodie had slept in the night before. “You don’t think she has enough blankets?”

“Well, I- I’d like for her to have something to remember us by.”

“You keep saying that!” Crowley gestured to the trolley. “Besides, isn’t all the stuff we’re buying today enough to remember us by.”

“I suppose.” He hesitated a little, eyes glancing over to the baby, before holding both blankets up a little higher and raising an eyebrow at his friend. “Pink or purple?”

Crowley stepped forward and took a red one off the hook. He tossed it in the trolley and placed his hands on his hips, walking off. “Neither.”

The two continued to walk around the store. Among the mountains of clothes, the blanket, toys and the colossal panda sitting in the trolley, they’d also managed to acquire a couple boxes of nappies – Aziraphale had insisted they needed more than two boxes, but Crowley had eventually managed to convince him otherwise on the grounds that there wouldn’t be enough space in the trolley and he was not carrying anything – some creams and powders that the angel said was necessary, and a pram that was folded up and stuffed on the part underneath the main trolley. They’d also picked up a bassinet that was small enough to fit beside the pram, of course among many other baby necessities.

“Are we done here?” Crowley asked, stifling a yawn.

Aziraphale shook his head as he turned and pushed the trolley down another aisle. “Bottles, Crowley. Can’t leave without bottles.”

“Oh, yeah. Nobody is ever going to suckle my finger again.”

Aziraphale stopped and placed a finger on his chin, narrowed eyes scanning the shelves. “Hmm,” he mumbled, “bottles, bottles, bottles… which ones should we get?”

“They’re all the damn same, angel.” He stood next to the man and crossed his arms over his chest. “Why does it matter, anyway? A bottle’s a bottle.”

“Well, you see, it needs to be a top quality bottle, as she’ll not be feeding from her mother’s milk. Our next stop will be to grab some boxes of formulated milk, specially made to give the baby all the required nutrients she would be receiving if she were being breastfed. Understand?”

Crowley blinked, clearly processing what he’d been told. His yellow eyes narrowed behind his dark glasses and he cocked his head slightly to the side. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“Oh, look at this little darling!” Both angel and demon turned at the new voice, immediately coming face-to-face with a young-looking woman. She was smiling hugely, looking at Elodie with bright green eyes. She had her hands on her own trolley, a child who seemed to be around one-year old sleeping in a baby carrier. “She is absolutely adorable!”

Aziraphale’s eyes widened slightly and he smiled back. “Why, thank you!” he said.

“What’s her name?” the woman asked. She walked towards their trolley and reached out to stroke the little girl’s tiny hand.

“Elodie,” Aziraphale proudly told her. He clasped his hands in front of him and grinned, briefly glancing over to Crowley. He had his arms crossed and was standing behind him, looking indifferent.

“What a beautiful name!” Her smile widened as Elodie grabbed one of her fingers, wrapping her tiny hand around the digit. “Are you first time dads?”

Both men’s eyes widened, and they snapped their heads around to stare at each other.

“Uh, we’re not-“

“Nope, no. Not.”

“Haha, we, uh…”

“Definitely not.”

The two stammered, rushing to assure the woman that they most definitely were not what they expected she assumed they were. Meanwhile, she stood looking a little surprised next to the trolleys, glancing between the two, mouth slightly open. Aziraphale and Crowley eventually shut up, turning to look back at her, and her eyes widened in eventual realisation.

“Oh!” she said. “I’m so sorry for assuming!”

Aziraphale moved to wave off the apology, but Crowley surprisingly stepped forward instead. He stopped by the trolley. “She’s my niece. Aziraph- um.” He faltered slightly. Humans didn’t often understand how other humans could be named things such as Aziraphale. “Az here is helping me look after her while her parents get a break from baby duty.” He grinned, pearly white teeth showing, and leaned on the trolley.

The woman, as expected, bought it. “Ah, right,” she said with a nod. “New-borns can be trouble – this one here is my third one – but they’re worth it all in the end.”

The angel stepped forward. “She very much is proving to be so,” he said, while the demon muttered an almost inaudible “if you say so.”

“Well, I should get home to my husband – the kids are probably driving him mad – so, I’ll be off.”

Aziraphale shook her hand. “It was lovely meeting you!”

“You, too.” She turned back to Elodie. “And your sweet little angel, here!”

Crowley groaned.

Shopping continued after – if a bored demon following an over-excited angel around Costco could be considered shopping. The trolley was completely full, and Crowley did end up having to carry a bumper box of baby wipes. They picked up a few other things on the way, stuffing them in between crevices and cracks in the trolley. “Are we done here?” Crowley repeated hopefully, and Aziraphale seemed to think for a moment before he gasped and turned the trolley around again.

“Dummy!” he said, and Crowley had the good grace to look offended.

“Don’t call me a dummy!”

“No, Crowley. We need dummies. Pacifiers. Soothers.”

“I knew that.”

“Which one should we get? There’s quite a few.”

“Just get them all.”

“If you say so.”

Crowley wasn’t totally happy when he and Aziraphale had to cram everything into the back of his car, worried it would get ruined in the process. He’d been busy pushing the pram into the boot while Aziraphale was excitedly fitting the baby carrier into the back seat. Honestly, he did feel happier about that part. An unexplainable feeling of butterflies flew in his stomach whenever he was driving with Elodie sat on the angel’s lap. This just seemed safer, he supposed.

Back at the book shop, you’d think Aziraphale had just brought his new daughter home from the hospital. He spent about an hour setting things up around the shop and his upstairs living area while Elodie lay on a (new) mat and he sat drinking, and soon enough it was literal baby haven.

“Doesn’t it look wonderful?” Aziraphale said happily, stepping back and admiring what he supposed was the baby’s new room. He wondered what he’d do with it when she moved.

“Simply dreamy,” he replied. Aziraphale ignored the sarcasm.

“I believe now is feeding time! Could you make the milk for me while I get her ready?” He gave him no time to answer before giving him a bottle and rushing off into the corridor.

“Feeding time?” Crowley muttered inaudibly to himself. “How does he know?” Nevertheless, with a shake of his head, he followed Aziraphale into the corridor and turned off into the small kitchen where he knew the formulated milk was stored in an overhead cupboard. His hand paused on the way up to reach it as he suddenly remembered what Aziraphale had asked of him: “could you make the milk?” Make. Make. How did one make milk? That was the cow’s job.

Sighing, he grasped the box of formulated milk and set it on the counter. There were packets inside, which – he learnt by reading the instructions – each held the usual amount of formulated milk that infants of Elodie’s age needed.

He must have spent too long making the milk, because Aziraphale walked in about ten minutes after he’d started, the baby cradled in his arms. His eyes widened. “The mess, Crowley!” Crowley glanced at his work-space and grimaced. How had powder managed to cover the entirety of the countertop’s surface without him noticing? Though, maybe he had noticed yet hadn’t said anything. Probably that.

“This-“ he motioned to the mess “-wasn’t me.”

Aziraphale looked down at the baby. “Elodie, how dare you crawl into the kitchen and make a mess of your milk formula powder!”

Crowley rolled his eyes and thrust the bottle into his hands. “It’s done.”

“Did you make it the correct way?”

“If the instructions are correct.”

“Heat it up properly?”

“Of course. I did the wrist thing.”

“Did you-“ “Yes, yes, yes, angel. Don’t you trust me to make a simple bottle of milk?” Aziraphale’s mouth opened and he shook his head. “Don’t answer that.”

The two made their way into the living room and sat down on the sofa. It wasn’t the Italian leather Crowley had in his home, but the demon could admit that they were pretty comfy. He seated himself in the corner of the couch, crossed a leg over the other and took his phone out of his trouser pocket. He presumed Aziraphale would ready himself and begin to feed Elodie, so he was quite surprised when he was suddenly tapped on the shoulder. He turned to see Aziraphale sat facing him, the baby in one hand and the bottle in the other. He rose an eyebrow. “What?”

“Would you like to feed her?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely. I’ve only just washed my hands.”

Aziraphale refrained from rolling his eyes, a small smile on his face, before glancing down as the baby let out a little whimper. “Oh, are you hungry, little one? Would you like Crowley to feed you? Yes?” He ignored the glare on the demon’s face as he shifted Elodie, clearly intending to hand her over. Crowley shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest. Aziraphale seemed put off for a second before his eyes widened a fraction and the sound of a phone ringing wafted into the room. He gave a sickeningly sweet smile to his friend. “I must answer the phone, Crowley, so you have no choice in taking Elodie. All you need to do is gently put the teat in her mouth and she will drink it! Have fun! Don’t accidentally kill her!” He handed both her and the bottle to him so fast that he really had no other choice but to uncross his arms and take her.

“Oi!” he said as Aziraphale stood up and rushed out of the room. “You made that phone ring with your damn powers!”

“Did not!”

“Did too, you sneak!”

“Feed the baby, Crowley!”

Crowley stuttered for a response but found that no words could come out. His amber eyes flashed with slight annoyance before Elodie whimpered yet again and fidgeted, her little lips beginning to quiver. He huffed. “Alright, alright,” he grumbled, picking up the warm bottle, “stop your whining.” He gently brought the bottle down and pushed the teat against Elodie’s lips, and she opened them wide to allow it in and immediately began to drink, her bright blue eyes blinking as she stared up at Crowley while he fed her. The sweet little noises emanating from her almost made Crowley’s heart melt the smallest bit. Almost.

He leaned back against his seat and adjusted the baby on his lap. If only the demons in Hell could see him, now.

When Aziraphale returned about twenty-five minutes later, he couldn’t help but stop at the door and clasp his hands together, a huge smile on his face. He didn’t bother to hide it when Crowley glanced up and over at him. “What’ve you been doing for half an hour?” he asked.

Aziraphale walked in. “Taking that phone call.” Crowley rolled his eyes and he smiled sheepishly. “Sat in Elodie’s room,” he corrected himself. Crowley rolled his eyes again.

“I know you’re only asking me to do this stuff so you can make me fall in love with this child.”

Aziraphale adopted an almost hopeful look as he sat down next to his friend. “Is it working?”

Crowley sighed. He looked down at Elodie, whose eyes were closed as she slowly drank the last of her milk. “Angel, we can’t have a baby.”

“We already have her, Crowley… all we need to do now is keep her!”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yes, I do.” He sighed in defeat and the two launched into a silence that was nearly uncomfortable. “Are you really so opposed to the idea?” he asked quieter.

Crowley could have rolled his eyes at the sheer determination of the angel, but he didn’t, despite knowing he wouldn’t have been able to see it from behind his black glasses. “’Course I am,” he said, “and you should be, too. Imagine what our sides would think of the idea. First, an angel and a demon become friends… second, they adopt a baby! I mean, how ridiculous is that? We’d not only be defying the unspoken rule of angels and demons, we’d be laughing in their faces.” He shook his head. “We can’t do that. We’re not doing that. How would we even go about it? Shared custody? She spends one week at mine and the other at yours? Why would we even want a baby? She’d get in the way of our jobs, she’d cause unnecessary distractions… not to mention she’d be caught up in our dangerous lives. No. The idea’s stupid. Ludicrous, even. Shouldn’t be considered at all. Which is why we’re not to get attached.” He ended his little speech with a short nod before averting his gaze from Aziraphale and leaning heavily back against the couch.

Aziraphale decided not to respond to it. If one thing was certain about what had just been said, it was that Crowley’s mind and decision was set. For now, at least. He cleared his throat. “Of course,” he said uneasily. He glanced down at the baby. “Her bottle’s finished. Should I take her to bed?”

Crowley shook his head. “She’s already asleep.”

“I doubt she’ll wake. It has been a long day for her.”

“She’s fine here.”

Aziraphale wasn’t quite sure what to say. There he was, discussing at length what a terrible idea keeping this baby was, and yet, at the same time, he was refusing to give her up. “Which is why we’re not to get attached,” he’d said. The corners of his lips turned upwards as he turned around and leaned back, trying his hardest not to look too pleased. Of course, it was a silly thing to think, especially after what Crowley had just said, but his friend had definitely made progress from the stone-hearted demon that had opted to leave the baby in the basket yesterday night. He doubted anyone would even believe him if he told them that the person there, holding a new-born in his arms, was a fallen angel-turned-demon. He suddenly wished there was a way he was able to sneak a photo, but he knew he’d somehow find a way to burn it later on.

“TV?” he found himself asking, turning his head slightly to look at Crowley.

Crowley nodded once and Aziraphale reached for the remote to turn it on. He barely ever watched the television, but he figured it would be better than sitting in silence for the next however long it took for Crowley to give the baby up and head home.

He figured it would be a while, but somehow, he couldn’t imagine himself minding.

Chapter Text

Crowley hadn’t gone home that night.

In fact, he hadn’t gone home in almost two weeks.

He’d tried, of course, but every time he made to leave, Aziraphale would somehow pull him back. At least, that was what he told himself. He tried not to think about the fact that he was a demon, and therefore entirely capable of saying no and leaving anyway. It would have done him no good at all to think more on it.

Anyway, it wasn’t like there was really much at his own house. Sure, the angel’s cosy and… cheaper lifestyle was taking him a little while to get used to, but there wasn’t much wrong with that. For the moment, both were focusing on Elodie until they were able to find her a suitable home.

“Aziraphale!” Aziraphale had been reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of tea in the living room when his name echoed around the house. Having left the baby with Crowley only ten minutes ago, his thoughts immediately wandered to all possible scenarios which could have happened between them. Had she gotten hurt somehow? Had Crowley accidentally obliterated her? “Oh, Lord,” he couldn’t help but mutter to himself as he all but threw his cup and paper to the kitchen table before leaping up and racing off to the bathroom. He had to stop thinking these things. Just because Crowley was a demon, it didn’t mean he would – intentionally or not – hurt the child… right?

He’d quite possibly never run this fast in his life. He raced down the corridor and turned into the bathroom, expecting to see all kinds of madness but instead being met by the exact sight he’d seen when leaving it ten minutes earlier. Frowning, he looked questioningly at Crowley. “You… called?” he asked.

“Oh, yeah. We’ve run out of baby shampoo.” As if to prove his point, he held up the purple bottle.

Aziraphale heaved a sigh of relief before shaking his head and walking over to where the demon was kneeling. “Crowley, I told you to give her a bath, not a deep clean.” He took the bottle from him and found that it was indeed empty. “We bought this only last week.”

Crowley shrugged. “She was dirty.” His sleeves were rolled up to the elbows, forearms wet and covered with suds, and there was water all over the floor, soaking the towel he was kneeling on. Elodie, thankfully, was still in the tub, laying in a little baby seat they’d bought from Costco for her to sit in while she was bathed. This was her second bath, and, as expected, Crowley’s first… first as in first time bathing someone… it wasn’t his first ever bath…

“Not that dirty, I assure you.” He looked over at Elodie and smiled, relishing in the way she locked eyes with him for a brief moment and gurgled happily. It’d been quite the experience of the last couple weeks, watching her grow, if only a small bit. One of life’s rare beauties.

He quickly helped Crowley rinse of the gallons of shampoo in her wisps of hair and the suds on the rest of her body before picking her up and wrapping her in the fluffy towel the demon was holding up. “There!” he said with a grin, settling the baby in his arms. “Snug as a bug in a rug!”

“I beg your pardon?”

Aziraphale ignored him. He walked out into the hallway and into Elodie’s room, where her night clothes had been set out by Crowley. He realised he’d picked the ‘Daddy’s Little Demon’ shirt, partnered with black pyjama bottoms, but didn’t have much chance to reach over and swap them with the pink ones before Crowley wandered in.

“I found one today,” he said, walking over to where Aziraphale had Elodie on the changing table.

Aziraphale glanced up. “You found what?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“A family. A couple. Trying for a baby.” His voice was lacking the usual sarcastic and hard tone, having softened it simply to make this easier for the angel. It was no secret how attached he’d become to the child over the past two weeks. Everything he seemed to do nowadays revolved around the child. His daily plans were scheduled on account that Elodie’s feeding, changing or nap times didn’t overlap them. Aziraphale lived and breathed baby, now. He even smelled like talcum powder! Actually… taking a quick whiff of himself, so did he.

As expected, Aziraphale’s movements slowed slightly. He continued to stare down at Elodie as she fidgeted on the table, and Crowley noticed how his lips moved every so often as though he was struggling for words. Finally, having dressed the baby nicely, he turned his head to face him. “You… you have?” he asked quietly.

Crowley nodded. “Well, while you’ve been up here on baby duty, I’ve been searching for families. It hasn’t been easy, but the background checks and stuff are good on these two. Lillian and Elias Hayes. Nice names, right? Elodie Azura Hayes. It works.”

Aziraphale blinked, gently picking Elodie up and holding her to his shoulder. “So does Elodie Azura Crowley,” he said absently as he turned to place her in his cot.

Crowley shut his eyes for a brief moment and shook his head. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I know. It- it’s just… so soon.”

“She has to go sooner or later. And at this rate, sooner is a Heaven of a lot better than later. Less time spent with her means it’ll be easier when she has to leave.”

“I… know.”

He didn’t, and both knew it all too well. If Aziraphale wasn’t the good angel he was, he’d probably pack up in the middle of the night, take Elodie and go into hiding, just to avoid Crowley and ensure he didn’t take her away. Crowley didn’t like upsetting him, but he couldn’t think of any other way this could work out. It had to be done, and he’d known that from the start.

“How long have they been trying for a baby?” Aziraphale asked. His hands were gripping the bars of the cot.

Crowley shrugged. “I didn’t look into things that personal, angel. All I know is that they’re not getting very far.”

“IVF?”

“Probably.”

"How did you find them?”

“I’m a demon. I have my ways.” Aziraphale turned his head and Crowley gave him a small smile. It was the least he could do. He mirrored it, though expectedly it was less sincere, and backed away from Elodie, who’d swiftly fallen asleep.

“What is the plan, then?” he asked once the two were out in the hallway and the door was shut. “I suppose I shall pop in and say I’m an angel sent by God to deliver them this child. Are they even religious?”

Crowley shrugged. “If praying every night for a child counts as religious, then yes. Remember to tell them her name.”

“Of course.”

“And we’ll miracle all her stuff over to their house. Shouldn’t be difficult at all.”

Aziraphale forced a small smile and nodded, heaving a sigh. “Shouldn’t be.”

“Great. So… tomorrow, then?”

He’d hoped Crowley would give him a little longer, but he had just said that the longer Elodie stayed with them, the harder it would be to let her go. He should have expected it, really. After all, he could have asked him to wake her up now and go immediately. He wouldn’t go as far as to say he was being considerate… more like logical.

Nodding, he forced a happier expression and stood tall. “Tomorrow.”

That night, Aziraphale praised the countless times Elodie woke crying, eager to spend every minute with her. Crowley sat in the living room, sipping endless glasses of alcohol while the angel dealt with her. He’d attempted to let him sit at least one wake-up call out and rest a bit but, as expected, Aziraphale wouldn’t hear of it. “No, no, it’s fine,” he’d said, “you just sit there and put your feet up. I’ll be right back.” Crowley had had his feet up for twelve hours. Aziraphale, on the other hand, was up and down like a yo-yo.

Crowley had figured that an angel appearing in the middle of the day wouldn’t have ‘the full effect’, as he called it, so he’d – fortunately for Aziraphale – said he could take her that evening. He’d appear in a glowing golden light, angelic smile on his face, cradling the baby, and say something awfully biblical like “I am the angel Aziraphale, and I have been sent here by our Lord to deliver this miracle to you!” Of course in the squeakiest angel voice he could muster, as was customary.

Aziraphale had uncharacteristically slapped him in the back of the head for that. “We do not squeak,” he’d squeaked.

Another slap.

All day, Elodie had been fussed over immensely by Aziraphale. The only time Crowley had gotten the chance to hold her was when the phone rang and he’d quickly passed her over. Truthfully, the demon couldn’t really say he despised the child… he never had… he just hadn’t liked her much. What demon does? It would be abnormal and totally not expected of him. Nevertheless, over the past couple weeks, he’d quickly become accustomed to his daily life revolving around her. Honestly, it hadn’t taken much at all. Aziraphale had been quick to get him on changing and bathing duty, and though one was definitely easier than the other, and Crowley knew the angel’s intentions all too well, he’d never said no.

Winter nights brought along an earlier darkness, something which Aziraphale mentally cursed, and so Crowley had told him to be ready to go by six. He’d just finished appropriately clothing Elodie and wrapping her in a white blanket when Crowley walked in. “Ready to go, angel?” he asked.

Aziraphale turned to face him. “Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Great. Now, you remember what to say?”

"Yes.”

“Right. Off you go, then. I’ll wait here until you get back, but I’ll leave a little after that… I have to head home at some point.” He said the last part a little absently, and Aziraphale nodded in understanding.

“Uh, of course… would you like to say good bye?” He motioned towards Elodie.

“I already-“ He paused at the look on his friend’s face. “Sure. Give her over.” He took her from him and held her the same way in his arms, glancing down at her little face. She still seemed to be sleepy, but her big blue eyes were anything but droopy, staring up at Crowley. “Well, Woody, it’s been… not utterly bad having you here.”

“Woody?”

“We found her in the woods, didn’t we? Anyway, as I was saying… yeah. It’s been great. Bye, now.” And, with that, he thrust Elodie back into Aziraphale’s arms and gently grabbed his wrist to pull him towards the door. “Quick, now. Let’s get this over and done with.” He seemed ready to protest at the fact that Crowley hadn’t given her a proper good bye, but thought better of it after realising that that was probably the best good bye a demon was capable of giving.

With a heavy heart, Aziraphale glanced at Crowley once more, who gave a quick wave before crossing his arms over his chest, and sighed. He shut his eyes, tightened his hold on Elodie, and was gone not a second later.

“Oh my God! Elias! Elias, there’s a man in our bedroom!”

“Very funny, darling.”

“No, seriously! Come out!”

“I’m on the damn toilet, Lilian. Would you wait one more minute?”

“In case you didn’t hear me, darling, there is a man in our bedroom!”

Aziraphale really should have thought about where he was going to do this. Thinking about it, he probably would have been better off knocking on the door instead of teleporting right into their bedroom. But, then again, did devoted Christians who read the bible and prayed every night seriously expect an angel to turn up at their door? In a suit, no less. Oh, Lord… he should have worn his old angel robes.

“ELIAS!”

His eyes went wide at yet another shout, and he quickly shook himself from his slight stupor, eyes focusing on a woman on a bed, holding her blanket up to her face as though for protection. She had dark hair, was quite pale – though he wasn’t sure if that was natural or if she was genuinely that terrified – and looked to be fairly young. The man that came rushing out from the en suite looked to be the same in age, though his skin was darker and he had pale brown hair. As soon as he caught sight of him, he immediately stopped dead in his tracks and raised his fists, looking ready to fight.

Aziraphale put a smile on his face and stood tall. “I am the angel Aziraphale, and I have been sent here by our Lord to deliver this miracle to you!” He rose Elodie slightly, tipping her so the couple were able to see her face.

“A-angel?” Lillian asked, sceptical yet still curious. He had magically appeared out of nowhere, after all. Her eyes were fixed on the baby.

Aziraphale nodded. He glanced over to Elias, who looked no less suspicious than before, and sighed slightly before shutting his eyes and concentrating. Not a moment later, two beautiful white wings emerged from his back. The couple gasped, and Aziraphale could have sworn Lillian turned paler. He stepped forward. “Please, do not be afraid,” he said in a voice that was usually portrayed by angels in those old movies, “our Lord God sent me personally to give you, Lillian and Elias Hayes, this sweet child. Your struggles will now be rewarded with the deliverance of Elodie Azura.” As if by instinct – which, really, it was – the usual angelic glow around him brightened, further proving to the couple that he was indeed what he claimed to be.

Lillian briefly looked over to her husband before moving off the bed and walking ever so slowly towards him and Elodie. He attempted to widen his smile, though really it couldn’t get any bigger. Elias was clearly more doubtful of it all, but he did not try to stop Lillian. “We have prayed every night,” she said, tears shining in her eyes.

Aziraphale nodded. “And God has heard them.”

“She… she’s really our child?” Elias spoke up. “We have tried… so much… but each time we fail. We were about ready to give up.”

“Well, do not give up now. For this is your daughter, and you must care for her.” “Oh, we will!” Lillian turned to her husband and held out her hand, tears openly streaming from her eyes. Elias seemed ready to return the happy look and take hold of his wife’s hand, but a second later he suddenly went rigid, and his eyes fixed on something behind Aziraphale. “What is it?” Lillian asked, turning around. Her own eyes immediately went wide, and she stepped back into the protective arms of Elias.

“Who are you?” he asked, and Aziraphale frowned.

“I have already told-“

“What do you mean? He- he told us he was an angel!” Lillian said, now apparently crying for a completely different reason.

Aziraphale swiftly turned to look behind him, but saw nothing. He looked back at the couple and was utterly confused to find that they were both staring at what seemed to be thin air, listening intently. His eyes widened and blinked rapidly when they gasped, and Elias’s face turned angry. His eyes flickered over to Aziraphale, and he moved in front of Lillian, bringing his fists up yet again to fight. Aziraphale briefly wondered about mentioning to him the small fact that if they truly were to go against each other in a fist fight, he had absolutely nothing on an angel. “Get out of my house, imposter!” he shouted. Aziraphale was quite honestly having difficulty working out whether he was speaking to him or the air behind him. His thoughts were answered when Elias pointed a finger at him. “I said get out, Az- Aza- whatever your name is!” Yes, it was definitely him.

“Um… it’s Aziraphale-“ he politely began to inform them, but found himself quickly snapping his mouth shut when Elias’s face grew redder. That hadn’t seemed possible!

“I don’t care what your name is! Go! We don’t want you and your evil child, demon! Leave us alone! May the power of Christ compel you!”

Aziraphale’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he shook his head. “Demon? I’ll have you know, Sir, that I am in fact the exact opposite!”

“BE GONE!”

“Yes, yes, alright! Good evening to you!” He was about to teleport before he suddenly felt an unexplainable urge to… “No, no! Bad evening!” And with that, he was gone.

Maybe he really was a demon.

He arrived back home in a flustery flutter of feathers, mind still reeling over what he’d just experienced. He couldn’t quite believe it. There he was mere minutes before, believing this to be the last time he’d ever lay eyes on Elodie, and now here was, returning home with her! What ever would Crowley think?

“How’d it go? Were there tears? Did you put on a brave front? Did you-“ Aziraphale turned to face Crowley, and the demon, who was holding a glass of whiskey in his hand, stopped suddenly and stared for a moment. “Did you even go?”

“Oh, of course I went, Crowley!” Aziraphale all but huffed. He shifted the baby in his arms. “The couple you sent me to seemed nice at first and willing to believe that I am an angel, and then suddenly they began talking to the air behind me, and- and tried to exorcise me out of the house!” Crowley wasn’t quite sure he’d ever seen the angel more exasperated in his life. It was almost fun. “I am unable to think of what came over them! Maybe… maybe somebody appeared behind me and made it so I could not see them… yes, yes, that would make more sense than them talking to the very atmosphere, wouldn’t it?” He began pacing. “But it still does not seem comprehendible to me! They called me a demon, for God’s sake! A demon, Crowley! Do I look like a demon? Though I- I suppose they wouldn’t know what a demon looked like… but, still! I clearly told them I was an angel! There is a difference!” He paused and took in a deep breath. Well, that was something he’d never done before.

“Look,” Crowley said, stepping forward, “maybe you’re overreacting.”

Aziraphale turned to him as though he were about to go off an yet another rampage before he suddenly noticed his calm – too calm – demeanour, and the way he was absently swirling his drink. For a situation such as this, he definitely was acting odd. A slight realisation came to him suddenly, and though he wasn’t really sure what to make of it, he decided to chance his luck and ask anyway. Turning fully around, he tilted his quite slightly to the side and looked at Crowley, who seemed all the more oblivious to his thoughts. “Uh, Crowley… you wouldn’t have happened to leave this house at all tonight, would you?”

Crowley glanced up at him and shrugged. “What’s it to you?”

Aziraphale broke out into a grin. “A-ha!” he said, temporarily forgetting he had a baby in his arms and consequently causing her to let loose a small whine as he jostled her. “It was you! You were behind me!” His face fell slightly. “… right?”

Crowley shrugged once again. “If you say so.”

The two stared at each other for a moment, one completely relaxed and the other utterly confused, thoughts whirring inside his brain. “I’m not understanding,” Aziraphale said after a short while. He gave Elodie one of his fingers to play with (her idea of play was mostly putting things inside her mouth, but the angel didn’t mind as much as the demon). “Why would you come to the house? Why- why couldn’t I see you? What did you say?” His mouth opened in slight shock and he pointed a finger at him accusingly. “You told them I was a demon!”

Crowley chuckled. “Actually, I believe my exact words were-“ Here, he cleared his throat and moved into a position that Aziraphale would have called angelic if he didn’t know the truth “-’Greetings! I am the angel Caziraphale, and this here is the demon Azley, sent by the Devil himself as an imposter to give you this Satanic child as a means of turning your family into a Lucifer-worshipping one! I must express how much danger you are in while this foul beast remains inside your home, and ask that you make it leave immediately so that the angels waiting outside are able to capture it and bring it to justice!’” He sniffed and quickly resumed his previous – demony – stance, taking a swig from his glass. Obviously he believed his impression to have been the definition of angelic. Airaphale, who currently looked stunned, figured it wasn’t too far off, though his years as a demon had definitely rubbed off on him on the sarcasm side of things.

“But- but why?” he asked.

“I had to get you out some way,” Crowley told him, “and it wasn’t like they were going to let you go off with the baby that was apparently sent to them by God so easily, was it? I had to think of a way to get them to turn against you.”

Aziraphale stared at him for a moment, completely gob-smacked (for lack of a better word). He shook himself, attempting to make sense of what the demon was telling him. “I was so close, though,” he said. “So close to… to giving Elodie a new home! Is that not what you wanted? What we agreed on?”

He shrugged. “Yeah, well. Maybe I had second thoughts.”

Aziraphale’s eyes could not have widened more if he tried. “About keeping Elodie? Oh, Crowley! Really? Seriously?” At Crowley’s small nod, he grinned and looked down at Elodie, silently revelling in the fact that she was going to be with him a lot longer than he originally thought. Crowley finished off his drink, downing the last of his whiskey before placing his glass on a small table standing in the corridor. He crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Aziraphale to look up at him. There really was no way out of this now, was there? He shook his head and stepped forward. “Okay, listen,” he said. “Centuries on this planet, and never once has anything truly exciting happened to us. In two weeks, I’ve learnt how to change a nappy, how to give a baby a bath without accidentally drowning her, how to deal with endless nights of crying… well. I have to admit, it hasn’t been the worst two weeks. I- we’ve definitely been kept busy.” He was beginning to see the angel’s warm eyes glisten with what could only be tears and kept going so as not to give him time to let them fall. “Now, don’t call me sentimental or anything of the sort - but you clearly like the little mite and I really do not fancy having a grumpy angel on my hands for the rest of our lives.” He allowed himself a small smile at Aziraphale’s short laugh. “So… we can keep the child. There, I said it, okay? We can keep the damn child. But she stays here. And I’m not. I’m going home. But… if you need help with anything, I will come.” He heaved a sigh and silently motioned to the baby. Aziraphale willingly handed her over, smile never wavering, and watched as he settled her in his arms. He glanced up. “Look, a child is a huge responsibility, especially when you’re a demon and an angel with dangerous lives that could cause that child trouble at any moment… but we found her, and finders keepers.”

Aziraphale chuckled. “I’m not quite certain you can say that about a person, Crowley.”

“You want to keep her or what?” He bit his lip as a means to shut his mouth. “The plan is… we try to keep her on the down-low for as long as we can. Keep her off our sides’ radars. There’s nothing really that can stop us from doing this, seeing as we didn’t get given an angel or demon handbook, but it’s still going to be tricky. If we ever get into trouble, she could be used as bait or, well… worse. Neither of us want that.” Elodie gurgled and he looked down at her. “Isn’t that right, Woody, huh?”

“I really hope you’re not planning on keeping that nickname.”

“It’s either that or ‘mite’.”

“’Woody’ it is!”

Crowley absently pinched the girl’s cheek in an affectionate manner before seemingly realising what he was doing and letting go. Satan, he wasn’t holding back, was he? He cleared his throat and gave her back to Aziraphale before sticking his hands in his pockets and stepping back. “That’s all,” he said. “I’ll be off. Have fun. Don’t kill her. Remember to call me if you need me.” He inclined his head a little and turned to walk out.

“Wait, wait!” He glanced over his shoulder as Aziraphale called him. “Thank you, Crowley.”

Crowley waved if off and soon disappeared around the corner. Elodie whimpered a little and Aziraphale looked down at her. He smiled. “It sounds like dinner time. Let us go and get a bottle heated, hm?” He shifted her so he was holding her against his shoulder and cradled the back of her head, walking towards the kitchen.

The smile never left his mouth.

Finally, he had some kind of meaning on this Godforsaken Earth.