Archive of Our Own ^beta

How could the same hair color look so different on a person? In their industry, hair color is absolutely essential in an idol’s look and usually changes with each comeback.

Jun has to actively tear his eyes away from Minghao with his freshly dyed silver hair styled up. Because number one, they are in public, but number two—and most importantly—Minghao could catch him.

Through their five years of friendship, Minghao has grown hotter and more attractive each day to Jun, and he doesn’t know how much more he could take before cracking. Jun thinks back to the last time Minghao had sported silver hair about three years ago, but he had looked cuter and younger…and much less dangerous for Jun’s heart.

Jun ge, what do you think of me? Minghao asked suddenly.

Jun and Minghao were sitting on the rooftop of their dorm, where they went to take a break from practice and the headache of constantly translating what people said to them and what they wanted to say from Korean to Mandarin and back. For a short time, they could be themselves and speak freely about their experiences and feelings, or just bask in each other’s company in comfortable silence. Since they just had a comeback, they had had very little time to themselves and were overwhelmed with the schedules and performing and variety shows and just talking.

Jun thought a minute before answering. He knew Minghao must be asking for a reason but wasn’t exactly sure what it was. Of course, Minghao had low self-esteem right now, not having a good grasp of Korean and having trained for the least amount of time, and Jun understood that feeling very well. He replied cautiously, I think you’re a great dancer, very brave, and stronger than me. Now, what’s this about, Haohao?

At this, Minghao buried his face in his hands before looking up, face red. Do you think I’m cute, Junhui? Jun, confused, gave a small nod. Minghao did look super cute with his big doe eyes, soft jawline, elfish ears, and fluffy silver hair in a bowl-like cut. The fact that this cuteness made his heart do flips, Jun kept to himself.

UGHHH, that’s what everyone says, but I’m NOT cute! Minghao looked up pouting, and Jun smartly did not comment on how adorable that was.

I want a cool image, like you or Mingyu or Wonwoo. How do I do that?

Jun didn’t know the answer to that, but he did know that he hated seeing Minghao so upset and vulnerable.

For now, all Jun could do was wrap an arm around Minghao and reassure him that he would become handsome and cool with time.

They have finally made it to the van where they have more privacy. When Minghao turns to talk to Chan, Jun has the chance to admire his side profile. Over the years, Minghao’s face had grown longer and broader, so that his eyes seem less dominating and his jawline sharper; he had started leaving his hair longer for a mullet and bangs that he always would push back; and he had upgraded his fashion drastically with help from Mingyu and diligently studying magazines to craft a signature oversized but chic look that worked on his slim build. He also developed this confidence and maturity that Jun found himself desiring and hopelessly irresistible.

Not that Jun hasn’t pining over Minghao since before this transformation took place. No, Jun has been torturing himself for years thinking about the one member whose feelings about him he could never quite figure out.

Hot and cold. Unpredictable weather like Korea in the spring.

That’s the best way Jun could describe his and Minghao’s relationship.

At the beginning, Minghao would cling onto him and allow Jun to cling back. But the more he got settled in Korea, the more he distanced himself from Jun. He started spending more time with Mingyu, Seokmin, and Hansol, didn’t try to stand next to Jun, and avoided any skinship with him but not with other members. Confused and hurt, Jun chalked it up to Minghao not needing him anymore for translation or home sickness; he needed space to become his own person and not be known only as the second half of China Line. Jun tried to convince himself that he was happy Minghao seemed happier and growing up fast, that he was happy admiring his crush from afar.

…But even more confusing was when Minghao unexpectedly started clinging onto Jun again.

The van stops at the dorm, causing Jun to quickly snap to attention and scramble out of the car. He’s stopped by a firm grip on his elbow. Hyung, can we meet up on the rooftop after dinner? Minghao asks, pushing his silver hair back in a motion that Jun’s eyes can’t help but follow.

Y-y-yeah, okay, Jun stutters, surprised because of how long it’s been since they did that. Minghao flashes him a smile before running to catch up to Hansol and Mingyu exiting from hip hop unit’s van.

The change started when they joined a Chinese music show last year and had to fly back and forth to film in China and perform in Korea.

At first, Jun thought Minghao must be lonely without the other eleven members for company. Minghao started linking arms with him more, leaning on his shoulder to laugh at their show mates, and staying close to him while off-camera. But Minghao still kept up his actions when they returned to Korea, the playful skinship driving Jun crazy.

Jun should have been ecstatic about getting closer with his long-time crush, but instead he felt like a roller coaster—moments together so high but doubts alone so low. One moment Minghao would be rolling his eyes at Jun’s flirty pick-up lines; the next he would reply to a question on camera, How can I talk about the people I love if you’re here? Though Minghao wanted to partner with other Chinese idols to make music, he would question Jun about his and Yanan’s growing friendship in an almost jealous way that Jun tried not to read too much into. And during interviews, Minghao revealed many observations about Jun he didn’t know the younger had made over the years, leading to sleepless nights worrying that Minghao had picked up on his feelings.

Jun didn’t want to crash his heart on the ground, so he was too terrified to ask Minghao this all meant. And so he pretended to be casual friends and hugged back tighter whenever Minghao hugged him, never knowing when the ride would end.

It’s their first time together on the rooftop of their new dorm—that’s how long they haven’t done this, Jun realizes. His heart is picking up speed the longer they sit in silence, Minghao running his fingers through his long hair nervously.

Jun ge, what do you think of me? Minghao asks suddenly.

It feels like déjà vu, and then it hits him.

He knows.

Jun feels his heart stop beating.

There had been many times when Jun had almost slipped up and confessed to Minghao in the last year.

When Minghao looped his arms loosely over Jun’s shoulders in a back hug, tipping the both of them over and not letting go, giggling so happily that Jun couldn’t even be mad.

When Minghao entered and stayed for his birthday vlive to treat him to dinner afterwards, his arm slung over Jun in front of all their fans, Jun’s hand itching to take the one dangling.

When Minghao gazed at him with half-lidded eyes as they faced each other and sang about walking the path together as they recorded an OST, their voices harmonizing in their native language, Jun’s eyes breaking away to just breathe.

When Minghao would often place his hand on Jun’s neck, patting it in an almost possessive fashion before pulling away too soon to bother another member.

When Minghao was falling asleep on his shoulder on one of their many plane rides between Beijing and Seoul, one of the rare times he would allow Jun to thread his fingers through his silky hair, thigh burning a hole of self-consciousness against Jun’s.

Every time, Jun would bite back the words that could ruin their gradually returning closeness. Because he would rather laugh it off, write and sing angsty lyrics, and cry silently at night than lose Minghao again.

Jun? Jun is fighting back tears when he hears Minghao’s gentle voice, still a safe distance away.

Do you want to hear what I think of you instead? Minghao whispers. Jun nods without looking at him.

Jun can barely focus on Minghao’s words as he rambles on about Jun caring for him and being a good hyung that he almost misses the final murmured 你是我一生的爱.

Even though it’s his native language, he is not expecting to hear those words, so he turns the words over in his mind a few times before his eyes grow wide. Did he just say…you're the love of my life?

Jun whips his head up to meet Minghao’s piercing gaze, immediately searching to see what Jun thought of his words, pleading to hear a response.

Once he came to his senses, Jun quickly closes the distance between them and throws his arms around a startled Minghao, hugging him tightly. ThankgodIloveyoutoo, Jun rushes out shyly, nestling into the crook of Minghao’s neck.

He tries to cling on as Minghao carefully but firmly pulls away to face Jun, who is still shy despite his dream coming true. Come again? I couldn’t hear you, Minghao says with a grin that says he definitely did.

I love you-- Jun is cut off by Minghao’s lips pressing briefly against his. Though brief, he could say with certainty that they are definitely as soft as they looked.

They’re sitting much closer now, Minghao’s palm resting possessively on Jun’s neck. I’m yours, Jun has just gasped out in between fleeting kisses after making out like teenagers. They’re trying to point out stars amongst the light pollution of Seoul. Jun is glad for a moment to still his rapidly beating heart. Minghao is going to be the death of him.

The palm on his neck twitches, and next thing Jun knows, his head is turned to meet Minghao in another searing kiss. He whimpers at the confident manner in which Minghao handles him, allowing Minghao to easily slip his tongue into his mouth.

I’ve wanted this for so long, Minghao mumbles, and Jun tangles his fingers in his new lover’s silver hair and expresses the same feelings with his lips.

Minghao watched Jun hugging Wonwoo, Jisoo, and other members goodbye. Having already done that himself, he lingered near the door with Mingyu and Seokmin.

I’m worried about this, guys. What if it doesn’t work? What if he doesn’t like me back? Minghao whispered while chewing on his bottom lip.

The two exchanged exasperated looks before Mingyu replied, Hao, we’ve told you a million times how Jun stares at you for years now. This is your best chance when you guys are alone in China for a while. You gotta make the most of it, ok? And buy us some cute clothes for being such good friends listening to your endless pining!

Minghao smacked Mingyu hard before hugging him and Seokmin. With a final unsure nod, Minghao called Jun’s name to leave and rolled both their suitcases out the door.