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Chapter Text

''WHY THE FUCK IS MY HAIR BLUE?!''

I exclaimed after looking at myself in the mirror, which, mind you, was in a stranger's bedroom. I turned around trying to see if I could recognize anything when I noticed, it was too damn pink, why is there so much pink? Blegh!

Suddenly, I remembered something...

"I WAS HIT BY A MOTHERFUCKING TRUCK!"

Oh my god, am I dead? Is this my punishment? Am I in hell? Because this sure does not look like heaven!

"Marinette, sweetheart! Breakfast is ready!"

I heard someone... wait, Marinette? What kind of name is that?? Is it Japanese? I heard footsteps aproaching and then a door on the floor (I don't know how it works, hell stuff I guess) opened and then a small asian woman appeared. Yep, this is weird.

"Oh sweety, have you not dressed up yet? You're going to be late for school!"

"School?"

"Yes, today is your first day!"

Yep, this IS hell. I don't like school that much... but the frist day...Hold on, I feel like I've seen this woman before... on... Disney channel? Can I get my intro? Maybe this is heaven, I've always wanted my own disney show!

"-nette, Marinette! Are you not listening to me??"

"Eh? O-oh! Sorry, what were you saying?"

Shit, I spaced out. Wait, why does it feel like I'm narrating a story in first person? Meh! 'S probably nothing too important. Oh yeah! Now I know where I've seen this before!

HOLY MACARONI CHEESE WITH GUACAMOLE! I forgot that my favourite wattpad author KINKYyogurt had published a new story before I died and reincarnated in Miraculous Ladybug as the main character Marinette.

OH MY GOSH. I DIED AND NOW I'LL HAVE TO WEAR SPANDEX! I'M JUST FIFTEEN, THAT'S ILLEGAL!

Oh well, whatever! At least I'm a Mary Sue that gets a reverse harem. That's more boys that the ones I've dated in my previous life, which is none!

OH NO I DIED A VIRGIN!

...

Ok, so... where the fuck is the school? Wait! That old man is going to be run over by a truck like me! I have to do something!

And so I threw myself at the old man and saved the day.

...

Ok now, after getting lost for like ten minutes I'm finally at school. Now that I think about it, wasn't the old man a relevant character? Eh, guess I'll discover it later.

Okay, let's go to school, to get bullied like the Mary Sue I am, yay!

So I am currently entering the classroom, which by the way is too clean and quiet for a public school. Hmm, guess I'll sit here!

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng."

Said a voice with an annoyingly mocking tone with a pinch of irritating brat whose parents are rich and give their stupid goblin enough attetion. I raised my head to see her, OH NO. It's generic bitch one, Mary Sues' worst nightmare!

"Move."

"Why?"

"I'm going to sit here of course!"

"Don't want to. I came here first."

"You dare speak back to me, Dupain-Cheng?!"

"Emmm... Yes?"

"How dare you! You are a nobody!"

"And you are a bitch."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!"

"I said that I don't want to move."

"Do you know who I am? Who my daddy is?"

"Calm down Draco Malfoy's rip-off, no one cares about your stupid family!"

"My daddy is the mayor! He can make the school punish you!"

"Emmm, I'm pretty sure that's illegal, so if you don't want your father's career to go to hell, then you probably should speak to a lawyer before saying such things"

"WHAT?!"

"Listen, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit so I'll just move and pretend not to know you."

I got up from my seat and went to another one far away from cliché bitch number one, which made me question, where on earth is the teacher? Wait... why is everyone staring at me? IS IT THE BLUE HAIR?! I SWEAR I'M NOT AN ANIME PROTAGONIST...oh wait, I AM.

"What? Do I have something in my face?"

As soon as I said that everyone went away to their seats.

...

Okay, I need to stop saying okay. Okay.

All right, so this Alya chick is a super hero nerd and most likely my sidekick slash best friend. Right now we are walking while she's telling me some weeb stuff and something about a masked guy who doesn't like yogurt... Is that blonde guy putting gum in my seat?

"Oi! The fuck are ya' doin'?"

"Eh? W-wait! Its not what you think!"

"Oh really? Ya' think I'd fall for that bullshit?! Ya' cannot lie to an american ya' baguette bitch!"

"B-baguette?"

"Get out of the way!"

"Y-yes! S-sorry!"

Damn, who does that beautiful boy think he is? I mean sure, the guy is hot, I'll give him that, but no one messes with my seat!

Chapter Text

So after the bubblegum incident class started normally... Wait a minute... those maths are from my textbook back when I was 13! Holy shit this body is 13!

HOLY SHIT I KNOW ALL OF THIS! I'M GOING TO GET A 10! FUCKING FINALLY!! I WON'T BE A DISSAPOINMENT ANYMORE!! FUCK YEAH! SUCK IT CRAPPY EDUCATIVE SYSTEM THAT...

"CRASH!!"

What the fuck was that? It sounded like a car being thrown trough the air? Oh my god are there japanese monsters attacking us?! I'm going to look trhough the window...

FUCKING HELL THAT THING IS UGLY!!WHAT IS THAT?!

Shit. Everyone in the class is going out. Why da fuck are you goin' out?! Ya' wanna die or somethin'?! Yeah this is most definetly a kid's TV show, people here are dumb as fuck!

...

So apparently the school decided it was best to send us all home. Great now my studies are gonna go to hell if monsters are gonna be appearing every single fucking day. Fuck my lif-ermh second life, fuck my second life.

"Ughh, now what am I going to do? I don't even remember how this chick's powers worked!"

Wait, when did that box get there? The colour is dark and the design screams plot relevant... Of course! That's where my powers are! 

And so I go and start opening the box.

"Aghh!!OH FUCK!MY EYES!! SHIT IT HUURTS!!"

Goddamit why did a strong red light have to appear?! Does the universe hate me?!

As I recover my sight I start seeing some weird flying... Thing.

"Hi! My name is Tikki! And I'm your kwami!"

"You're my what?"

"Kwami"

"Okaaay... So, emm, ya' gonna give some powers or..."

"Jiji! Let explain things to you first! There are some rules you ought to know first!"

"O-okay"

Wait a minute, why do I fell some deja vu??

OH NO. OH HELL NAH!! 

"Hold one you weird flying thing! I've seen Madoka magica and what tha kyubey bitch did with it's shitty rules! I ain't gonna fall for that! I ain't selling my soul to you so go find another girl!"

This lil' shit thinks she's so smart, but I know her true nature, I may be dumb but I'm not stupid!

"What? Selling your soul?! No! It doesn't work that way!"

"Really?"

"Yes"

"Why should I believe you?!"

"Because right now Paris is in danger and you are the only one who can save it!"

" That is still not a valid reason"

"But this is an emergency!"

"Not really my problem"

"But you LIVE here!"

Okay, she DOES have a point there. Still I don't really want to become a heroine. Heroes are lame, supervillains have better clothes, better weaphones, cooler hideouts, cooler catchprhases and STYLE.

"Ughh. Okay FINE! What do I have to do?"

...

Okay... damn I keep saying okay!

All right, so after what seemed like an eternity of usless rules and blah blah blah and a cliché "great power requieres great responsability" speech I'm finally going to transform!

"So, what do I have to say again?"

"You have to say: Tikki, spots on!"

"Isn't that dangerous? I mean what if someone hears me saying it? It's too obvious, they'll recognize me!"

"That is why you have to be really careful!"

"Yeah, that does not help with the problem at all"

I swear this is way too irritating! Why did it have to be a TV show? Why couldn't I go to hell like normal people? Does God really hate me that much?

"Well, whatever! Tikki, spots on!"

...*AN AKWARD AND RIDICULOUSLY LONG  TRANSFORMATION SCENE LATER*..

Well that was uncomfortable. Why was the transformation so slow? Why did I do all this weird anime posses? Just WHY?

 Anyways, so I guess this yo-yo thing is my weaphone.. a yo-yo. Seriously?THAT'S the best they could come up with? A yo-yo?What? How am I even suposed to fight with this shit? How do I use it? Mmh... Perhaphs if I try throwing it?

"HOLY MACARONI! Wow! Is the yo-yo's rope infinite or something? Wait, how do I unhook it?"

It was in that moment when I knew, I HAD FUCKED UP.

"WAHHHHHH!!!! What the heeelll!! HEEEELP MEEEE! I DON'T WANT TO DIE AGAIN!"

The damn thing retreated when I pulled at it and sent me flying through the air like a fucking ragdoll! 

If anyone is looking this, I'm sorry for whatever I did back in my old life! Please don't let me die! 

Is this what the team rocket feel in every pokemon episode? I have a newfound respect for them.

Chapter Text

Hi! I' m Jessica and I am currently flying through the air to what I hope is not my second death. Yes, you read well, my second death. How I ended up like this?

Apparently I was run over by a truck and got reincarnated as the main character of a TV show called Miraculous Ladybug. The universe was kind enough to give me a second chance. And I HATE it.

Everything in this world is ridiculous! So far my first day has been awful! My retarded ass got lost for ten minutes trying to find the school which is ACROSS THE MOTHERFUCKING STREET. Then I got bullied by the tipical cliché blonde bitch, I swear that is offensive to blonde girls! It's always a blonde girl! Also, some hot guy put gum in my seat, WHAT THE FUCK MAN?! Next, a giant monster attacked and now I have to be the heroine and save Paris even though I am just thirteen and why the fuck do people always throw this kind of shit to kids?? Like, dude, they're kids, they are NOT prepared for this kind of responsability! Why can't they just get someone who is emotionally stable?

So, returning to the fact that I am falling from the sky and probably going to die before being useful...is that a boy with cat ears?

"Wahhhh!!! LOOK OUT!"

I screamed so the cat boy would catch me (I hope). He quickly turned around but before he could do anything I was already crashing into him.

"Uff!"

"Ouch!"

Ughh that hurt, but at least I'm not dead! Suck it universe, I'M ALIVE BITCH! 

"Are you okay miss?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, sorry!"

"It's okay! So I guess you are my super partner?"

"I guess, I mean, who else is wearing spandex and flying trhough the air?"

"Yeah your're right"

As we get up from the floor I get a better look at him, damn the spandex does not leave place for imagination huh? Too bad I'm not into furries. Judging by his height and his still-somewhat-high-pitched-voice he is probably around my age. I don't know why but I feel as if I have seen him before...

"Hey, have I seen you before? I mean, outside the mask?"

"Mmh, I don't think so miss! If I had seen you before I'd definetly remember such a cute face!"

"Oh my, you're quite the prince charming, aren't you?"

Oh my god, what the hell?! Why did he start flirting all of a sudden? Does he not know saying those kind of things is uncomfortable for girls? Dude, I don't even know you! Well maybe I do know you, but still! THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR THAT!! I'll forgive him this time because he is just thirteen and doesn't know better, i just hope he doesn't become a love interest...

"Eh so what is your name? Mine is Chat Noir!"

"Ehh...Ladybug?"

"Well nice to meet you Ladybug!"

"Yeah, nice t' meet ya' too, So... should we follow the monster?"

"Yep! Lets go!"

And just like that he went by himself leaving me alone. Thanks for talking to me and trying to make a plan to defeat the monster, you are such a great partner, I don't know what I would do without you.

...

After managing to control the yo-yo, which is pretty much like spiderman's webs, I arrived at the stadium where the monster was trying to kill some kid from class. I saw cat boy fighting him and noticed that the monster seemed to get bigger with each hit he gets, I should probably use the...what was the name? Oh yeah! The lucky charm! It'll probably help me defeat that ugly rock!

"Lucky Charm!"

As soon as I said the magic words, a bunch of red and pink sparkles appeared and then an object fell into my hands. It's a... A SEX DOLL?! Oh wait, is just a weird inflatable....full body suit? I don't know what this is but, HOW IS IT GOING TO HELP?

"WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO WITH A TOTALLY-NOT-SEX-DOLL?? How on earth do they expect me to fight?!"

"Hey! Miss partner! I could use a little help you know?!"

Oh, is the cat boy, he seems to be struggling with the rock...I should probably go talk to him.

"Hey! Ya' got a plan? 'Cause I ain't making any progress!"

"Mmh, I was thinking on trying out my secret power!"

"Well, the what are ya' waitin' for? An invitation?"

"Cataclysm!"

Cataclysm? Oh dear his power's name is worse than mine, that is an awful pun.

"Awsome! Now lets try it ou!"

"Wait! Don't use it in...!"

Too late, the dumbass had already used his power in a moment of sheer stupidity... This is why you're not the protagonist, Agreste. Yes, I just realized he is the blonde greek god from school. It was too damn obvious, I mean, who else has blonde hair with green eyes in this show? And also the voice is the same. Fucking  DC's superman logic.

"Well, lets see how he likes this!"

"Oi! I told ya' t' wait! Listen to me goddamnit!"

And so cat boy died. Jocking, he only got hit by a rock, guess idiots can't die. 

"Well done Einstein! You just waisted your only-for-one-use-per-transformation-destruccion-power!"

"How was I supposed to know I can only use it one time!"

"Didn't your flying thing tell you the rules?"

"Eh... I may have transformed without listening to him first"

"What the fuck dude! Why would you do that! You could have sold your soul without even knowing it!"

"Sorry"

"Ughh, whatever! Now lets see if I can somehow use this sex- ermm inflatable suit!"

Oh! Lucky me, seems like I have a ladybug supervision! Got it!

"Okay, follow me cat boy!"

"Yes!"

...ONE INCREDIBLY UNREALISTIC PLAN THAT SOMEHOW WORKED OUT LATER...

So I have no idea how this whole thing worked out but I ain't gonna' complain.

"Ya' okay?"

I asked while approaching the boy to check up on him. Poor thing, he seems to be a cinnamon roll. I wonder what made him so upset he turned into a rock golem!

"H-huh? W-wha, where am I? What happened?"

"You were turned into a monster, but it's okay now, you're safe"

"Thanks eh..."

"Ladybug"

"Thanks Ladybug!"

"We do a pretty good team don't you think my lady?"

"Sure, it would have been better without the cataclysm fiasco but, good work cat boy!"

I said teasing him. Before cat boy could reply to me our miraculouses started beeping, alerting us that there wasn't much time left before we detransformed.

"Well, seems like we gotta' go, see ya' cat boy!"

And so, I left the scene without noticing a small purple butterfly getting away, flying freely into the skyies.

...

 "Ahhh! What a day, man!"

I exclaimed as I dropped myself to be. Finally the first day of my new life is over, now I can relax.

"Well done Marinette!"

"Thanks Tikki!"

I got up and went downstairs to check if dinner was ready. Once I entered the living room I noticed Marinette's, ermm my parents watching the TV.

"What the-!"

SHIT. The TV was showing thousands of black butterflyes entering people's bodies and transforming them into rock golems. I have to ask Tikki about this. I ran upstairs as quickly as I could.

"Tikki! Everyone in Paris is transforming into rock golems, what do I do?!"

"Oh dear! Did you not purify the akuma?"

"Purify the what now?"

"The akuma"

"You mean those purple butterflyes?"

"Yes. If you don't purify it it'll multiplicate and akumatiza other civilians!"

"You mean I was supposed to catch it?!"

WELL, FUCK.

Chapter Text

Absofuckinglutely great. Apparently she had to purify the purple butterfly, apparently if you don't purify it the butterfly multiplies and apparently now there are randome citizens getting akumatized and turning into rock monsters that are sleeping until the 'leader'is alumatized again. The best fucking way to start your morning huh? Learning that you totally suck at being a heroine! Yay!

"Ugh, why did I have to get reincarnated? This all Alice's fault, she's the one that liked ladybug, she made me watch it! I hope that otaku trash is suffering..."

Oh well, I guess my morning isn't a complete disaster. After waking up I gained Marinette's childhood memories and all the information about her personal life and this world. Now I know how to cook like thirthy different pastries and I also know how to draw, sew and design clothes. Not bad, I even have good grades! I may start liking this Mary Sue thing...

As I walk to school I notice that... This version of Paris is way cleaner and more pretty than the one back in my world. Seriously there is no trash in the street, no homeless people, no 'protest marches' against the current goverment, Notre Dame is still fine (it didn't burn here) and the most incredible fact, the goverment is actually caring for the people. Wow. Bless this fictional land without corruption. Oh yeah and no global warming. It's as if someone put one of those beauty filters from instagram in the city!

I kind of miss looking at the tipical teenagers who are out doing illegal things like drinking or smoking or doing graffitys though... I mean it was entertaining to see how they ruined their own lif-

"Marinette!"

Oh is the superheroe-obsessed-wee err girl. Ehat was her name again? Oh yeah, Alya. Damn I need to get better at learning names, that used to be a bad habit of mine back when I was alive, I remember this one time where I was asked to say the names of the people that were with me the last year in classroom out loud in my new classroom and I totally forgot the names of two girls! That was SO embarrasing!

"Hey Alya! Good morning!"

"Morning girl! Did you watch the new superheroes yesterday?!"

"Ah! You mean that beautiful and gorgeous and brave and awsome girl in the red suit and the cat-boy? Of course I did! She was so cool right?!"

I definetly didt'n exagerate my already awsome features. Nop, I just said the truth, I'M AWSOME.

 "I know right?! She was so cool!"

 "You sure you don't remember anything?"

"Yeah, you went full crazy on me!"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't myself at that moment!"

Oh it seems like they are talking about yesterday...

"Yeah right! Once a monster, always a monster" 

"Ughh..."

Of fucking course the blonde bitch had to be there, damn poor kid, he must feel terrible about what happened. See this is why I hate kids, especially bratty thirteen year olds, ughh I really don't get why anyone would want to ruin their lifes by having children... Seriously even I am disgusted with myself... 

"Hey! What the fuck is your problem?!"

"Excuse me?"

The blonde bitch turned around looking annoyed at me, good.

"Leave him alone Chloe! He didn't do anything wrong, he was being controlled, it wasn't his fault!"

Oh yeah, did I mention that this bitch has been Marinette's personal bully for like HER WHOLE FUCKIN' LIFE. Ahh... I hate her, at first it was just the tipical I-don't-care-about-your-bulling-bullshit kind of feel, but since obtaining this body's memories... Well now it's personal.

"Well, if recal well he was the one who got controlled by his own pathetic feelings"

"And whose fault do you think it is? If mister I-love-being-an-idiotic-asshole-to-my-classmates hadn't angered him this whole shit would have never happened in the first place! But it looks like you are just too stupid to even get such a simple and obvious thing so, if you excuse me, I have to go make sure our classmate doesn't get fucked up by a villain, again"

With that said I went in the same direction as the boy.  I feel like this is going to be a long LONG day...

"Hey dude! How are you?"

I say as gently as possible when I find him in the locker's room.

"How do you think?"

"Listen, just ignore Chloe, shes just a bratty bitch that loves being a bully. Her words are meaningless unless you decide to believe them"

"But what about the others?"

"Well if they decide to believe her the I don't think they are true friends, after all a real frieng will always believe you no matter what"

"...."

Well, he is not answering. Time to yse the trump card.

"You know, I think you should tell Mylene about your feelings towards her"

"H-how do you know about that?"

Oh you poor cute little child, after seeing Marinette's memories it was just too painfully obvious....

"I've seen the way you look at her and how tou behave around her, it's really sweet"

"Ughh!"

"Hey don't be so negative, I'm sure she likes you too"

No, seriously, this is probably gonna be for the plot's sake so you really have nothing to worry about. It's a kid's show, you are definetly getting the girl.

"Come on! You could try giving her flowers or sometin' "

"Maybe I could try writing her a song?"

"Oh yes! That would be great!"

"Thanks Marinette!"

The boy, Ivan, got ups and headed his way out.

"You're welcome!"

He! I really am a great person! What would they do without me?

***

 CRASH!

Well fuck.

So I'm guessing the confession went wrong and now he is akumatized again. Fuckin' great.

"RUN!"

I scream as I go out of the class as fast as I can. I have to transform and quick!

"Tikki, spots on!"

I fucking hate saying that, seriously why do I have to scream this bullshit everytime I transform, I also hate the fucking sailor moon transformation sequence, like what the hell my identity is supposed to be a secret, HOW AM I GONNA KEEP IT A SECRET WITH ALL THIS GLITTERING AND FLASHY STUFF?!!

"Okay lets go!"

"Hey! Ladybug! Over here!"

Oh it's cat-boy! Good, he's just in time!

"Hey cat-boy! How is the situation?"

"Pretty bad, we're surrounded"

"Shit. Got any ideas?"

"Well I-"

"CAREFUL!"

I pulled Alya out of the way with my yo-yo as a car went flying straigh to were she was standing. Holy shit that girl needs to sort out her priorities, she's too irresponsible! But then again I'm the one who died y getting ran over by a truck... Still I know from experience that death isn't nice so I'm totally sclding her later!

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yes, thank you Ladybug"

"Go home. It isn't save out here."

"Yes!"

"Ladybug, we have to go, I saw the main monster kidnapping a girl"

"Lets go then!"

***

When we arrive at the Eiffel tower I realize that said girl is the blonde bitch. The major seems to be trying to negotiate with stoneheart, pfff! As if that is going to work...

"I demand you give me my daughter back!"

"Daddy!"

"YOU NOW WHAT? WITH GREAT PLEASURE!"

"WUAHHH!!!!"

HAHAHAH!! OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO GOOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST ROASTED HER LIKE THAT! Anyways, judging by the look cat-boy is throwing at me I should propbably save her...

"Ughh do I have to?"

"Ladybug!"

"OKAY, OKAY I'M GOING!"

"PLEASE DON'T LET ME DIE, I'LL BE NICE TO EVERYONE I SWEA-!"

"Really? You better keep your word then."

"But I didn't swear"

This bitch!

"Oh my little princess!"

Aww how cute, father-daughter inconditional love, the only thing I will never know about 'cuz mine went to boy cigarrettes and never came back... Oh wait, I have Marinette's dad now, damn it's gona be hard to accept this whole thing...

"WE CAN START THE ASSAULT!"

"WAIT! If you attack he'll only get stronger!"

"NO! WE DON'T NEED SUPERHEROES!"

Are you fucking kidding me?! You are literally going against a GIANT ROCK GOLEM. Is he braindead or somethin'? I'M THE MOTHERFUCKING SUPERHERO HERE! I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!

"YOU'LL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE! LET US PROFFESIONALS HANDLE THIS! BESIDES YOU ALREADY FAILED ONCE!"

Oh so THATS how you want to play? That was my first day! I'll show you what I am capable of! 

"Listen here old man I-"

"GUAHH, COUGH COUGH BLEGHHH!!"

Stoneheart started coughing and the thousands of black butterlfyes came out of his body... GROSS.

"Ladies and gentlemen. Listen to me carefully. I am Hawkmoth."

"Hawkmoth? Is he the villain?"

"Ladybug. Chat Noir. Give me your miraculous, the ladybug's earrings and the black cat's ring, and everything will go back to normal, the people have suffered enough because of you."

"HUH?! What do you mean they have suffered because of us?? If I recall well you were the one who started this! So listen here and listen well, I AM THE GREAT LADYBUG, GUARDIAN AND SAVIOUR OF PARIS, AND I WILL NEVER SURRENDER TO YOU! MY YO-YO IS THE ONE THAT WILL PIERCE THE HEAVENS, NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS I'LL NEVER GIVE UP! EVEN IF THE CHANCES ARE ZERO I'LL KICK LOGIC TO THE CURVE AND DO THE IMPOSSIBLE! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?!!"

And so, after giving my awsome and totally not copied speech, I go to the Eiffel tower and catch all the akumas inside my yo-yo.

"PEOPLE OF PARIS, I AM YOUR HERO AND I SHALL PROTECT YOU FROM THE FORCES OF EVIL, SO BELIEVE IN ME AND HAVE HOPE! "

After saying that I release all the butterflyes in a white cloud that expans throughout the sky of Paris. HA! Victory for me Hawkmoth! Now I only have to save Ivan and purify the akuma. 

"Chat Noir! Let's go save stoneheart!"

"Yes!"

"Lucky charm!"

"A parachute? Why does this keep giving me weird stuff?"

"Woahh! Are you sure you can control you'r power?!"

"Eh well yes but actually no?"

"No offence, but that doesn't help!"

"Okay, let's do this!"

I throw my yo-yo to stoneheart and pull at it so Mylene gives him a kiss, then stoneheart drops her.

"Chat Noir, NOW!"

Chat Noir jumps from the tower so he can throw me the akumatized object.

"No more evil-doing for you liitle akuma! GOT YOU! Bye-bye little butterfly"

Now let's catch Mylene.

"MIRACULOUS LADUBUG!"

I scream as I throw the parachute to tha air and the thousands of sparkle magically repair the city. That is a pretty good power, I don't have to worry aout destroying the whole city like superman!

"Nice. Hey girl, I think you should read this, I believe that boy over there wanted you tu have it?"

"Oh, Ivan this is so sweet. I just couldn't understand your singing..."

"I'm sorry, I'll try to sing better next tim-"

Ivan couldn't finish his sentence since Mylene rushed to hug him. How cute! He looks like a tomato!

"Well, looks like my work here is done. They are perfect for each other!"

"Just like us-"

BEEP BEEP BEEP

"Too bad, looks like we have to go now. See ya' later Cat-boy!"

***

UFF! What a day I had, I think I'll never see butterflyes the same way again...

"Oh COME ON! WHY DID IT HAVE TO RAIN TODAY?!"

I swear my luck is too shitty for having the ladybug's powers...

"Hi!"

Eh? Ah it's the rich boy.

"I wanted you to now that... Last time, I was trying to remove the gum from your seat. It's true, you know? I never went to school before, I never had any friends. All this, for me, it's... It's a bit new."

He turns around and extends his arm to give me his umbrella, I am speechless... 

"Thanks" 

I say as I smile sweetly at him. He returns my smile and goes as I just stay in my place. That kid... maybe I should apologise tomorrow to him.

***

"Ahh, home sweet home!"

I exclaim as I drop myself in bed, I'm so tired... I close my eyes and think about today's events.

"..."

HOLY FUCK! Blond hair, green eyes and that voice...

"ADRIEN IS CHAT NOIR!"

Chapter Text

"Damn this year has been fucking wild!"

My name is Jessica and it has already been like a year since I died after being hit by a truck and first woke up as Marinette Dupain-Cheng in this messed up world. After everything that has happened so far I can only say that... I FUCKING HATE MY NEW LIFE.

IT'S AWFUL. I can NEVER have a normal day, for god's sake, why can't Hawkmoth just give up already?! Isn't he ashamed of losing every single time to a pair of thirteen year olds? What, did his wife die or somethin' so he wants to resurrect her? I hope not, 'cuz if anime and movies have thaught me anything is that resurrecting people never works unless you live in Dragon Ball. 

So, I guess it hasn't been that bad. I mean, I just get interrupted when I want to go out with my friends, and I also get bullied, and I'm kind of clumsy- well, at least this body is clumsy... Oh who am I kidding this is TERRIBLE.

After the whole thing with stoneheart Hawkmoth's attacks became frequent and repetitive, honestly it kinda started to get boring as fuck. It also got more and more harder not to murder Chloe, that bitch is literally the reason behind the ninety percent of akuma attacks in Paris! Why can't she understand that everyone likes her best when she shuts up? Seriously, how does her ass not get jealous from all the shit that her mouth spits? 

And lets NOT get started with the akumas... Why do they always have such goofy names and powers? What the fuck man? Who gets mad because the police told them it was illegal to feed the pigeons? I mean, if it's against the law you don't really have the right to complain... Besides, why would you even feed pigeons? Those things are basically winged rats! Eww!

Oh yeah, there is also a bad Justin Bieber rip off that sucks just as much as the real one. Damn, it was hard to fight against Jagged Stone. Thanks Mr. Rip off, you are an asshole.

Anyways, thinking about people, there is a lot to say about everyone. 

First Alya, she is my best friend, the girl has guts and I like that. She is the only one, apart of me, that stands up to Chloe. She is also Nino's girlfriend, they make a cute couple and I ship it HARD. The only problem with her: she is a terrible journalist. But I guess that is good since I need to keep my identity a secret.( Thank god she is blind and can't realize my obvious disguise)

Nino is also a good friend. He is also Adrien's best friend. That's good, the poor kid is just so lonely... Nino is probably one of Adrien's most important emotional supports. 

Adrien is Chat Noir. Chat Noir loves Ladybug. I am Ladybug. I don't love Adrien, well, not in a romantic way at least. I like him as a friend, I kind of consider him a little brother. I just get this feeling that screams at me to protect the precious child, he is so kind and sweet but, he is also very inocent and inmature, which is understandable because of his age but not good if he keeps acting like that in the future. People may eventually get advantage of his good heart, well it already happened, actually. He ought to be a little more cynical.

There is also his father, Gabriel Agreste. I hate that bastard, he is a terrible father- he is worst than my father! (the one from my old life) and that is saying a lot because mine went to buy cigarrettes AND NEVER CAME BACK. That man thinks is good to isolate his own son while putting the pathetic excuse of "it's-for-your-own-good". BULLSHIT. That is illegal, I mean, not letting your child have his own life and go out of home is considered abuse. I'm honestly surprised Adrien still defends his father, seriously the kid needs to learn to rebell against his father- just beause they are your parents it doesn't mean they always know what is best for you! I mean usually when a parent is that strict the kid tends to fall under depression or anxyety issues... 

Speaking of parents, Marinette's-err... my- parents are wonderful people. I feel so lucky to have them! Even though I sometimes still miss my mom from my old life, they are so kind I quickly feel better whenever I'm sad. They are always there to back me up even when I'm being bullied- specially when it comes to the blonde bitch and the liar bitch, Lila.

Ughh I hate them both! Chloe is such a spoiled brat, honestly, her father, the major, is a total useless idiot, WHAT THE FUCK WERE PEOPLE THINKING DURING ELECTIONS?! He is literally the worst candidate ever, he ABUSES his power in favour of her daugther, he can't do that! I swear if it happens again, next time I'm recording everything and I'll upload it in the internet so people realize how corrupt he is. I'm going to ruin that man's entire career!

But even if Chloe does get on my nerves, Lila is definetly worse.

She is such a fucking LIAR. I swear she lies so much that I'm actually sure that is a mental illness. What makes it even worse is that her lies are super fake! And my classmates believe them! This is another reason of why I hate young teenagers! Just, WHY DO THEY ALWAYS BELIEVE EVERYTHING WITHOUT JUDGING IT FIRST?! I mean, her lies are so radical they aren't even believable. And why do adults also believe her?? Shouldn't they, as teachers responsible for us minors, be more informed about students? I mean surely they have talked to her parents in the usual reunion with the families. Like what the fuck, how can you not know if your student has a disability or not??

Ughh! She even has one of the most powerful akumatizations of the show! Why do I feel she is gonna be one of the my main problems?

Another thing I hate in my new life: LADYNOIR FANS. Yes, they exist even in fictional worlds. Fans, cringy and crazy and obsesive fans. I know they ship me with Catboy, but I swear they are sometimes just too much... I don't even like Adrien, I mean I'm just not interested in having a relationship yet! But then again maybe they aren't the worst. No, I think the worst ones are the ones who are in love with Ladybug, like there was this man who created the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir and I swear, he was like twenty something and I'm thirteen and it was like, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT SEE I'M CLEARLY TOO YOUNG FOR YOU? I get it, I have a mask on, but come on dude! My height should be an obvious clue about my age, god even my chest is small! How does no one realize I'm a minor?? Or are they just trying to ignore it because they don't want to admit that they are being protected by a child?

Ah! Now that I think about it, there's this new japanese chick in town who is also rich-fucking fictional world, rubbing in my face how lucky other people are- I think her name is Kagami. She seems... I would say nice but then I'd be lying, she seems like a total weirdo, it's as if she has never had any friend-or general contact with people- and, why are rich kids so pitiful in this world? Seriously, the level of child abuse and terrible parenting between the wealthy people here is unbelievable!

Oh, and there is also Juleka's older brother who is super hot, and nice, and mature, and beatiful, and generous, and patient, and kind, and funny, and gentle, and smooth, and... did I mention that he was super hot? So, yeah... I like him. And I think he kind of likes me too? Thank you power of the main character!

There is also master Fu, he is the typical asian old man full of asian wisdom and tricks. He is teaching me everything I need to know about the miraculous and it's magic. He is nice, I like him a lot! He is like your cool old uncle! Oh, and speaking of the miraculous, there are also new heroes who are part of my new team! Alya is Reena Rouge, the holder of the fox miraculous and whose power is illusion! Nino is Carapacce, holder of the turtle miraculous and whose power is shield (I kind of expected him to look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle)! Queen B, holder of the bee miraculous and whose real identity is Chloe because character development! No seriously, Chloe may be a bitch, but she is a loyal bitch, plus she has actually been improving so much that I even feel proud of the little shit.

But, as new heroes have been born, a new villain has also arised, her name is Mayura and she is probably Adrien's father's secretary Natalie. How do I know this? Because Gabriel Agreste is Hawkmoth. How did I get to this conclussion? Because I found out Adrien had taken a book that had all the information about the miraculous that belonged to his father. Obviously he is Hawkmoth 'cuz plot relevance duh! Poor Adrien... Good thing he is too oblivious and didn't realize it! 

I also have a theory about why Gabriel is doing all of this. I think it has something to do with Adrien's mom who disappeared recently. Maybe he wants to use the miraculous to get her back?  I hope not because, as I previously said, that shit never works. It would probably be better if he just moves on, goes to psychologycal help and maybe start a relationship with Natalie 'cuz is too obvious that woman loves him. And if I'm being brutally honest, she has a shitty taste in men, both Natalie and Adrien's mom. Seriously, how can someone ever love THAT THING?? Ughh! I swear there is not a single good thing I can think about him.

Speaking of love... Adrien is really popular, then again, he IS a model so I guess it's normal. What is not normal is Chloe's and Lila's behaviour, they are worst than your typical crazy fangirl, especially Lila. She is dangerous. 

As for my own love life... Well I also have a lot of fans. I think I'm starting my own little harem! There is Adrien/Chat Noir, ehh I think there is also Nathaniel (though I think he actually has something for that boy Mark, so I'm not so sure), and that one creep who made the statue of Ladybug and Chat Noir (Seriously, HOW CAN NO ONE TELL MY TOTALLY OBVIOUS AGE???), and Luka.

All in all, I think that maybe my new life is not so bad after all. Sure, I still have to deal with Hawkmoth's bullshit and Lila's bitching, but I have a good family, great friends and an harem! Oh yeah and my Mary Sue powers kind of made me a little famous so, FUCK YEAH!! 

I still miss my old life, but I also can't wait to see what is going to happen in this one. 

So please, let me start again:

My name is Jessica, I was hit by a truck and then reincarnated in Marinette Dupain-Cheng, this is my new life, and I wouldn't change a thing because I am the superheroine LADYBUG!

Chapter Text

FINALLY! The best time of the year has arrived: CHRISTMAS! It'll be the first time I celebrate this holiday since I was reincarnated in this world, I'm so excited! Right now I'm currently walking to my house along with Alya and Manon.

"Oh Alya, this year's christmas is going to be the best!"

"Jeje, yup I agree with you girl!"

Hmm weird, I don't know if its because I'm too exited or maybe too cold from being outside but I'm kind of starting to hear.... music? Eh, it's probably just my imagination! There is no way people are going to stard just randomly singing to- 

" Merry christmas to aaaall"

"Oh, hey mom, hey dad!"

S**T. They ARE singing. This is a chirstmas musical special episode, isn't it? WELL JOKES ON YOU UNIVERSE 'CUZ I REFUSE TO SING!

"Mom, dad, I'll help in the bakery to hand the christmas logs to all my friends!"

I say as I take one box and then turn to give it to Alya.

"Merry Christmas Alya, and to your family too!"

"Thanks my BFF! The same to you three!"

Oh dear God, are they really gonna be singing the whole day? This is so akward! I'm the only one who isn't singing, how come they're not weirded out?!

...

"Oh, Alix and your dad, Merry christmas to you!"

"Tom, Sabine, Marinette! Happy holidays too!"

And, they are still singing... yay...

...

"Rose, Juleka! Here!"

"Merry Christmas to you!"

"Merry Chirstmas, Marinette!"

Please, KILL ME NOW.

...

"Manon, merry Christmas, and Nadia"

...

"Merry Christmas, Nino and Sabrina"

Why is the music still going on? I'm not singing, please, STOP. 

...

"Merry Christmas Chlo- ehhh..."

Yeeaah, why is SHE here?

"Do you want a photo?"

Tsk! I ain't giving her anything! No way! I don't care if its Christmas! 

"Sure, I'll use it for vodoo"

"Marinette! It's Christmas!"

"Sorry, mom."

Ughh, great! I have to be nice to Chloe now!

"Merry Christmas, Chloe."

Ughh, is this how Squidward felt when he had to apologise to Spongebob? I feel dead inside...

"Could you repeat that? I couldn't hear you."

B****. Could be worse, at least they're not singing anymore...

"Merry Christmas, Chloe!"

I repeat with a forced smile that screams 'go kill yourself '.

"Chloe, it's Christmas"

Ha! Take that goldy locks! You're not the only one who's gonna have to say it!

"Ughh! Merry Christmas, Marinette!"

And we're back at singing... great.

"But I hate your guts, don't you forget!"

"Trust me, the feeling is mutual"

"Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas to all"

Okay, I think that was the end of the song, thank goodness!

"Oh, Adrien's bodyguard... F***! The present! I'll be back!"

...

How could I have forgotten? I was supposed to have prepared something for that child! WHERE IS IT?!!

"It's here Marinette, see?"

"Oh, thank you, Tikki! I don't know what my retarded self would do without you! You are a life saver!"

Quickly I go back to the bakery just in time to see the bodyguard steping out of my parents shop.

"Hey! Emm... excuse me! Wait! Here, this is for Adrien! It's a Christmas present, could you give it to him, please?"

He doesn't say anything nut I guess that's a yes!

"W-well, thanks! And merry Christmas!"

And... he's gone. Man, that guy is weird...

"Ahh, I hope that kid has a good Christmas..."

...

"Check it out, Nathalie. Do you think he'll like all the decorations?"

This is the first Christmas since my mom's disappearance, I hope I can spend it with my father... Oh, looks like the gorilla is back.

"He should be down here already, did you call him?"

I ask Nathalie.

"Perhaphs we should give him, a few more minutes."

Of course, I would love to say it was unexpected, but it wasn't.

"What's the point? He's not coming."

I'll just go to my bedroom...

"Thank you."

I say to the gorilla after he gave a couplee of pats in the back and handed me a gift. Seriously, I don't know why I keep having hope, my father always seems to find the perfect way to shatter them... even in Christmas.

"Merry Christmas, both of you."

...

"He's still only thinking of himself! I hate Christmas! Plagg, claws out!"

My mom is gone and my father is just being mean! To h*ll with Christmas, I'm getting out of here! 

...

Huh, why does it feel like someone is out in the cold singing a song about being alone and sad in Christmas in a super edgy way? Ewww, just thinking about it is cringy...

Ah, now it feels like someone is poking fun at the edgy song by singing a version about having nothing to eat.

"Achoo!"

"Bless you!"

"Oh sweetie, are you okay? Did you get sick?"

"I'm fine dad, I think it's just someone talking about me!"

RING, RING, RING!

"Hello? Oh hi Nathalie, he was what now? Wair- really?"

"What is it sweetie?"

"Adrien has been kidnapped"

"Kidnapped? I'm sure there is another explanation."

Yeah, which is probably him scaping from his house after his father was a total d**k as always...

"Lets take a look around the neighbourhood, just in case. The presents can wait, you want to come, Marinette?"

"Eh, I think I'm not feeling so well papa, I'll just wait here at home and if I hear anything I'll call you right away, okay?"

Wow, he really didn't think this through, did he? I should find him before the situation gets worse, I don't feel like dealing with Gabriel's bulls*** today.

"Tikki, spots on!"

Oh for f***s sake, not the music again! This really isn't the best time to start a musical number...

"Ughh... Okay so it looks like cat boy tried to do something edgy like using his cataclysm to destroy this huge christmas tree, I guess, but then decided to instead not do it 'cus he's a nice kid?"

Oh and this seems to be the card I wrote so I guess he already opened my present... But-

"Where is he??"

Oh my god, can't the stupid music stop already?!! I'M NOT SINGING.

"I just hope no one has been akumatized..."

...

"Thank you for giving me advise, sir."

This man is so nice, I really needed someone to tell me my father loves me. Now I feel better!

"Ho ho ho! You're welcome kid! I hope you have a great Christmas with yout father!"

"How about you sir? How will you be celebraring Christmas?"

"Me? I have all of Paris! The whole world even! Ho ho ho!"

"All by yourself huh? Hey, how about you take me home and we celebrate christmas together?"

I mean, father would agree just this time, right? L-lets have some faith! 

"All right then! But I can't stay for too long. Santa has a lot of work to do, you know?"

"Thank you!"

...

Ding dong!

And we finally arrived to my house, I hope father isn't mad...

"Adrien?Is that you? And, who are you?"

"Ho ho ho! I'm Santa!"

"Yeah right, and that makes me the easter bunny. You're here for money, aren't you? Wait there until I call my body guard!"

And... He's mad. Way to go dad, you're being incredibly rude... And paranoic.

"No! You're wrong father!"

"Oh thank god you're all right!"

"Ladybug?!"

Holy s*** man, I literally abandoned my family just to find you and you are here, in your house?! Stupid teenagers and stupid Gabriel! That sh***y father better not create another akuma!

"So, care to explain what the f*** just happened? Where were you?? Do you have any idea of how many people are looking for you? Do you even know the huge problem you just caused?"

"Eh, well I-"

"You! Wait there, you're going to pay for kidnapping Adrien!"

What is Adrien's secretary talking about? And why does his bodyguard look so menacing?

"Nathalie! No! He didn't-"

"Kidnapping? You're crazy!"

"Huh? Aren't you just jumping into conclusions too fast?"

"Adrien go back inside! We'll take care of that man."

"But!-"

"Oi!, listen lady, I don't know whats happening here but perhaphs we should just sit and talk-"

"I didn't do anything! This accusation is unfair!"

"No buts Adrien! Go inside! Ladybug, please let us handle this matter."

"Santa, run!"

"Wait, WHAT?!"

What the f*** Adrien?! That must be the worst advise ever! 

"Wait!"

"The f***?!"

Well, now we they are chasing him. 

"Why did you say that??"

I ask as I turn to look at Adrien not knowing if I should murder him with an angry gaze or just stare at him with a confused one... Maybe both are fine.

...

"Ah... Without even knowing it, you're giving the best christmas present! Now, fly away my little akuma and evilize Santa!"

...

"Sorry... I panicked..."

Yeah, no s***.

"It's fine, I guess..."

Well, this is quite the uncormfortable silence that has fallen upon us...

"So... Do you want to enter or..."

"Oh! Well, no, I mean! Thanks but no, I'm just waiting..."

"Waiting for what?"

"You'll know in one, two... And three."

"LADYBUG!"

"And there he is"

"An akuma!"

"You should go somewhere safe! I'll rake care of him!"

"You think you can get away with making fun of me?"

"Oh, come on! This is ridiculous!"

"You think you can get away with accusing me?"

"Eww! That stinks, old man!"

He just poured some stinky weird green gas right in front of my beautiful face!

Stupid Hawkmoth, stupid evil rock-santa, stupid musicals, stupid world, stupid, stupid, STUPID!

"I am Santa Claws! I'm a rebel with a cause!"

"Seriously? A pun? Your villain name is a pun? Ughh... No wonder Adrien has a terrible sense of humour..."

"I'll punish you and I'll give you a fright!"

"Why me though? I didn't do anything!"

"Have a horrible Christmas night!"

Oh no! He's scaping!

...

"Hey, my lady!"

"Ah! Cat boy! Just in time!"

"Ready to save Christmas?"

"Heh, ya' bet!

"Who's going to deliver presents to the children now, Santa Claws?"

God that name is so cringy...

"There are no more presents! No more spirit of christmas! You should've been good!"

"Agh! I have been good all yeeeaaaar!"

"Chat Noir!"

That evil Santa just throwed a present to my cat boy and he fell! 

"Hang on!"

Wait! Why did I throw myself too? Oh my god I'm too stupid... I should have though about this better!!

"There! Now we won't fa-aahhh!"

Fu****! Santa Claws is moving too fast in his floating sleigh! I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN CHRISTMAAAAS!!

"How about a little sleigh ride, my little wretched elves? Ho ho ho!"

"Hey! Who are ya' callin' a wretched elf?! Ya' b***!"

"My! What a filthy mouth you have! Hold on! Here we go!"

"Waaaaahh!"

"AHHHHHH!! STOOOP I DON'T EVEN LIKE ROLLER COASTERS!!"

I think I'm 'gonna throw up...

"Don't you need a licence to drive one of this things?!"

"Are you kidding me?!! This isn't the time to be questioning the logic of this world, Cat boy!"

"It's time to open your gifts, kiddies!"

"Ugh! Listen, I'll try and stop the sleigh, you deal with Santa Claws!"

Good, he's fighting with Santa! Huh, never thought I would say something like that.

"Okay, calm down!"

I need to stop those... Deers? Or were they reindeers? Eh, whatever! 

"Ahhh! Ladybuug!"

Adrien is falling again?! Just how strong in that old man?

"Not again... Do I really have to everything?"

CRASH!

"Uhh... My everything hurts..."

I shouldn't have thrown myself from the sleigh again...

"Ladybug? Chat Noir? Now thats a Christmas scoop! Anything you'd want to say to the ladyblog?"

"Not now Alya! Cat boy, wait! Lucky charm!"

Please don't be something weird, please don't be something weird! Dammit! 

"A box?"

"I hope its not trying to tell us to move to another city"

"I mean, its not a bad idea... Anyway, I need packing tape, scissors and supplies! Ya' got 'em?"

"In there!"

"Thanks!"

"Here, go buy this things to the bakery! Then meet at the Eiffel tower, I'll explain everything there!"

It's impressive how I can manage to create such a complex plan in record time and under pressure. Yup, I'm awsome!

...

"Santa your the winner. We stand down and surrender! We fear you have defeated us, so we give you our miraculous! But beforehand, here is a gift for you, 'cause on Christmas even you have a right to that too!"

"A present, for me?"

"Rebel with a cause! You gi ve us so much fright!"

Wow, who knew Cat boy could sing that well.

"We all have the right to a present on Christmas night!"

Well, guess its showtime!

"Surprise, motherf*****! Have a merry Christmas!"

You were expecting a present, but it was me, Ladybug! Who was inside the box waiting to be released! I'm a genious!

"Cataclysm!"

See, Hawkmoth? This is how you make an effective plan to crush your enemies!

"Merry Christmas my lady!"

"Thanks, Cat boy! No more evil doing for you little akuma! Time to de-evilize! Gotcha! Bye bye little butterfly! Miraculous ladybug!"

Finally, everything is back to normal. Now lets go back to my family!

...

"Adrien, you understand I can't have you disappearing like that. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you."

I messed up, I really hurt father... I should apologise later.

DING DONG!

"I think its for you"

For me? Who could it be this late?

"I informed everyone that Adrien was home safe and sound, sir. They were all very worried about their friend."

Nathalie you are the best. I love you! Please be my new mom! Everyone is here out my house's entry!

"Oh, please father! Its Christmas!"

"Of course, come on in."

"Brother!"

"Nino!"

"Merry Christmas, Adrien"

"Thanks, Nathalie!"

...

Well, now this is what I call a Christmas miracle, who knew Gabriel had enough heart to at least be considered to his son in Christmas? Just this time, I won't complain about his parenting methods...

Ah, the music again... Okay, fine! I'll sing, but only once! 

"Merry Christmas to all!"

Chapter Text

"UGHHH! I'M LATE! AGAIN!"

Seriously, this whole 'main character always comes late to school' cliché is just way too tiring! Why does every protagonist must be cursed with this useless ability?! Ughh I was even eating a croissant while running like a fucking Sailor Moon rip-off! This is embarrasing!

"Oh my god! PLEASEDON'TCLOSETHEDOOR!"

Oh god! I arrived just in time! Ahh... I think I'm gonna' faint from running so much... Huh? Why is Alya sitting with Nino?

"Hey Alya! Quick question: am I sitting next to Adrien? If so- thank you so much! You kniw how much I love sitting in front because I can't see from the seats behind-"

"Huh? What are you talking about, girl? Lila is sitting next to Adrien, you're going to seat in the backseat, there"

"Eh? The last one! Bu-but I can't see shit from there! I'm too small! I won't be able to take notes! And I'm going to be forever alone there since were not an even number! NOT FAIR!"

"Sorry girl is just that-"

"Well, Lila has a hearing issue so there is no way she could sit at the back of the class so she needed a place in the front"

"Eh? She does?"

"Yep, so to make it work Ivan moved next to Mylene, Nat sat next to Alex, besides she came up with the idea of Nino sitting next to me so we could soent more time together"

"Yeah, and I should just rott in a corner, right..."

"Hellos students! I'm sure you've already heard by now, but Lila is back from her trip to Achu and niw she is back at school with us again"

"Hi everyone!"

Oh god is HER. Also, Achu? Yeah thats not a real country...

""HI LILA!""

"Oh! A seat in the front, you all remembered my hearing issue! You're such sweethearts, all of you! Muah!"

"You have a hearing problem Lila?"

Yup, lets see how much bullshit she can spit in a row.

"Yes. I suffer from tinnitus. A constant ringing in my left ear, I have it ever since the sound of an airplane engine burst my eardrum on the runway when I was saving Jagged Stone's kitten"

Wow, well that really was a LOT of bullshit!

"Yeah, I ain't buyin' it, sis'! First of all, if you really had happened to be near an airplain's engine, I'm preetty sure you would end up with both of your eardrums blowing up and having a worse issue than just tinnitus since the airplane's engine has up to 120-180 dB's of sound and our eardrums are usually at risk with 90 or 150 dB. Also, there is no way someone would let you go running around the airport's landing track, that would be completely irresponsible of them and stupid of you. Plus Jagged Stone does NOT have a kitten, he has an crocodile"

How ya' gonna' get out of that one, huh bitch?

"Pff! Of course its possible to only end up with tinnitus, not everyone ends up deaf after that. Also they let go near the landing track because it was a private airport! Also Jagged Stone had a kitten before, now he has a crocodile! Anyways, you know the best part? Since you are such an excelent student you'll be able to help catch up with everything! Would you do that for me?"

Ughh! She is good! Also why the fuck is she ignoring me? Stop it bitch! You look ridiculous doing the "I'm-cute-so-I'll-just-blink-repeatedly-as-if-I'm-having-a-seizure-so-I-look-even-cuter" move. Blegh!

"Ughh! Miss Bustier! I don't want to sit in the back! I can't see the board from there!"

"Eh, my hearing and sight are good! I'll sit in the back of the class, and you two, can sit on the front! I don't mind"

Oh Adrien! You precious child! My saviour! Now the only problem will be trying not kill Lila...

"NO!"

"Huh?"

So she only wants to sit with Adrien. Well damn, this chick is worse than Chloe! Got no shame at all...

"M-my return is causing so much trouble, maybe I should've stayed on the other side of the world... If Marinette has an issue too, then I should be the one to go and sit in the back, its okay..."

Were did THAT came from?? Why is she suddenly creating a soap opera?? Why are you victimizing yourself, what the fuck?

""OHHHH! HMNN!!""

Woah! Why is everyone looking at me as if I'm the bad guy? Ughh, those godamned teenagers! I swear one of these day I'm going to murder these ungratefull brats! Well gues what? I AIN'T GOING TO GIVE INTO YOUR STUPID SOCIAL PRESSURE!

"WOAH! I'm gonna' stop ya' right there girl! First of all, you aren't causing any problems at all, didn't you hear Adrien? He has no problem with sitying in the back. Also as you said, we both have an issue with sitting in the back, all the more reason for us to stay in the front! You really don't have to go sit in there... Also could you all please stop looking at me as if I just insulted her whole family? Jeeze! Relax people, I just said I too had a problem... I too have a right to want a front seat!"

"All right then! Marinette and Lila will both seat together in the front! And Adrien you go to the backseats!"

Oi, is the teacher dumb or somethin'? I mean, first of all she should know "Achu" is not a real country. Also, how on earth is she not reacting to the obvious attack to my person and the desire to bully me that comes from my classmates?? Huh, guess teachers are usless when it comes to bullying even in fictional worlds...

"Ughh!"

"Yeah, I also think is nice to share seats with you too."

***

Dear god, today was soo tiring! And school isn't even over yet! At least we didn't kill each other...

"This is for you Lila!"

"Oh thanks! You are so sweet!"

"Here, Lila!"

"Here is your apetizer Lila!"

"I'lm fetch your dessert!"

"Thanks everyone. I'm sorry I can't carry my own lunch... Its almost impossible with the sprained wrist."

What are they doing? Oh dear, is worse than I thought. They have already become her slaves! Besides, a sprained wrist my ass! She doesn't even have a bandage for that one!

"Yo' that girl really likes to make shit up, doesn't she?"

"I don't get it, Marinette. You barely know Lila, why all the hate?"

"First of all, I do not hate her. I'm just pointing out her total lack of honesty! Also I once saw her with Adrien and, honestly, seventy per cent of what she said were all lies."

"You were eavesdroping on her and Adrien? Thats not cool, dude"

"A good reporter always verifyes her sources, can you proof that what she claims is a lie?"

"Alya, just google "Achu" and tell me if it's a real country. Last time I checked, that didn't exist. Also, I saw Ladybug scolding her for lying about knowing her. She isn't friends with Ladybug at all. Besides, did you really forget it was actually ME who got you that first interview with Ladybug?? And if you want proof from first hand, look. HEY LILA! YOU FORGOT YOUR NAPKIN!"

And the little pinochio has perfect reflexes! She caught it inmediately!

"See that? It's obvious she doesn't have a sprained wrist!"

"Ahh! Auch! Once when I was in India I witnessed someone getting their eye gouged out by a corner of napkin. If I hadn't caught it, this napkin could have injured Max. I didn't have a choice. AUUCH!"

"Lila! You saved my eye! You sacrificed yourself for me!"

"Anything for my friends!"

Uhhh.... Whats up with this development? No way they are actually buying it! I can't believe they are that gullible!

"Yeah... Just so you know, it is not possible to get your eye gouged out by a damn napkin. Our reflexes are actually faster, so even if the napking is thrown hard, our eyes would inmediately shut once the napking enters our vision field. Even if we only see a corner of it, our response is faster. Its unlikely that you would get hurt by that. "

"Shut up Marinette! We'll take you to the nurses office, please don't listen to her!"

"Are you proud of yourself? You hurt her!"

"Lila is in even more pain now, all because of you!"

"Please don't get mad at her, she was just trying to give me a napkin, right Marinette?"

Uh, no. I wasn't. My aim was definitely to proof you don't have a sprained wrist, unfortunately you all are a bunch of retarded idiots who just won't listen to reason or think for yourselves. Anyways, I give up! You are too stupid, goodbye!

"Ughh.... Whatever... I'm out of here!"

STUPID TEENAGERS. I swear they are dumber than your average real teenagers. At least the ones from my previous world actually had common sense... (Besides the ones from my previous world only did some dumb stuff like maybe skip classes sometimes or do stunts that could get them a broken arm.. Ya know, small things like that. Those ones are a whole new level of idiocy). Ahhh... I miss my old world so much right now.

*SLAM!*

"Marinette?"

What does she want now? She even followed me to the bathroom.... Is she going to treathen me?

"Oh no! Are you crying?"

"Does it look it? 'Cuz I'm not"

"I can sense that you don't like me. I just can't understand why? We barely know each other. Oh! Don't tell me is because of what happened this morning!"

"Well, it's not that I don't like you..."

"So it is! Of course! You were jealous because I was going to sit next to Adrien! You like him and would do anything to sit with him. You know what? Its not worth it to fight over a boy, you and I can be friends, and who knows! I might even be able to help you with Adrien!"

"All right, first, cut the crap. I know you like Adrien, obviously you wouldn't help me. Second, I am not interested in him, I don't like him, I genuinely have a problem with seeing the board from the backseats. Third, I do not want to be friends with you. I'm sorry, but sometimes, there is going to be people in life who you just won't be able to along with. Fourth, stop lying please."

"Heh! I only tell people what they want to hear"

Oh, so NOW she is going to show her true colours!

"Yeah, it's called lying!"

"There's nothing you can do about it anyway! People can't resist when they hear what they like to hear. If you don't want to be my friend, fine. But soon you won't have any friends left at all and trust me, i'll make sure you'll never get close to Adrien in class or anywhere. You seem to be a little less dumb than the others, so I'll give you one last chance: you're either with me or against me. You don't have to answer me right away, I'll give you till the end of class today."

"...w-wha..."

UGHHHH! THAT BRAT! What the fuck is WRONG with her?!! Fucking psycho! And why does she keep insisting with Adrien? I DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM! Bitch!

"Ughh! I thought Chloe was insufferable, but Lila is way worse! She is like a supervillain in training!"

Wait. OH NO. SHE WILL BE A SUPERVILLAIN, WON'T SHE?!!

"You mustn't let her get to you, Marinette!"

"Ughh... I know Tikki, I was just surprised by her threat, I mean that was really disturbing, specially coming from a thirteen year old..."

Aghh! I HATE HER!!

"Marinette! Look out, an akuma!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

Nop! No no no no no no no no no no no, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

***

Ughh, stupid Marinette! That girl is good, I almost couldn't invent a convincing excuse to mantain my lie! Whatever! I'll just destroy her life if she keeps messing with me!

"Oh, hey Adrien! We have to figure out when you're going to help me catch up with all the schoolwork I missed!"

Well, time to play!

"I also heard you play piano, my uncle is a great pianist, he wanted to teach me when I was little, but I had to stop because of arthritis. But, when my wrist is better I'd love for you to give me some lessons."

Oh dear, here we go again. I just hope for her to stop touching my chest like that, it's unconfortable. Now lets say it in the nicest way possible...

"Oh Lila... I'm perfectly happy being friends with you and I'll gladly help you catch up on schoolwork. But, please, don't lie to me like you did last time with Ladybug"

Huh?! Damn it! I had fogotten about that insident! Ughh! Stupid Ladybug!

"Ladybug is the liar!"

Shit. She got angry! Lets try to fix this....

"I'm not judging you Lila! But instead of making friends you're gonna turn everyone against you. You can tell me if there's something bothering you, I can help, but you need to be honest with me"

Honest with him? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! Why did he have to be such a goody two shoes?! PATHETIC!

"Are you trying to be some kind of superheroe by lecturing me just like Ladybug did? Well thanks but no thanks! Ughh!"

"I'm still here if you need help catching uo with your schoolwork!"

Aaand, there she goes... Well done Adrien you upset her and now she probably hates you. (Still, she didn't need to be so rude...)

***

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! GETAWAYFROMMEYOUFUCKINGSPAWNOFTHEDEVIL! HEEEEEELP!" 

Run Marinette, run! Come on! I can't let myself get akumatized! FUUUUUCK!

"WHY CAN'T I FIND A GUN WHEN I NEED IT?!"

"Marinette! You need to relax! Akumas only affect people who think there is no solution to their problems!"

"Well then! I'M AWSOME! I'M HOT! I'M PERFECT! I'M A QUEEN, AND YOU CAN'T AFFECT ME, BITCH! HAHAHAHA!!"

Yes! The akuma is getting away! Ahhh... FINALLY! I can stop running...

"God I think I'm gonna colapse from all that exercise!"

"Good job Marinette! But we can't let that akuma run lose, you have to transform!"

"Ughh... Just give me a break! Tikki, spots on!"

***

"Ughh! I can't stand those super goody two shoes!- Ah!"

An akuma? Ha! Just what I needed!

"YES! Here's my chance! Come here akuma! Hawkmoth, I am Lila. I know you want to destroy Ladybug and so do I"

"Yes, I remember you"

"Give me some supervillain powers and I'll get you her and Chat Noir's miraculous"

"With pleasure, I have some new powers for you, Chameleon!"

"MUAHAHAHA!"

***

"Now where can that little shit be?"

Maybe I should just way until someone is akumatized, less work for me!

***

"Ah! Hey!"

"Adrien! I just wanted to apologise for what just happened, I've tought about it and you are right! I want us to be friends so I'll never another lie again, will you make peace with me? Muah!"

W-wait! I can forgive you, but please don't kiss me! I-

*PLAFF!*

"Ups! I lied!~"

"Zzzz..."

Now just waint inside here untill I'm done with Ladybug, sweety!

"Adrien?! ADRIEN!"

***

"Where on earth is the akuma? It shoul have akumatized someone already..."

"Nino! I have something to tell you! You don't deserve my friendship"

Huh? Adrien? What the hell?

"Or your girlfriend! Or your hat!"

"Hey!"

"Haha! You should see your faces. Don't miss my performance at the Eiffel tower! You're gonna love it!~"

Alright, that's Lila, ain't she? I'M COMING FOR YOU, BRAT!

***

First, she almost kills a mother and her baby, then she acts like a retarded kid throwing a tantrum and bothering people and now she is faking a suicide attempt at the Eiffel tower? Oh dear, this is too much for me! I want to retire and I just started in the superheroe business! I'm thriteen and I feel like a forty year old single mother taking care of three kids while working tens hours a day in a shitty job that underpays me!

"Ha! This is sooo easy! As soon as someone is in danger stupid Ladybu shows up! Lalalaralalala!"

"Adrien, STOP!"

"Woahhh! Help me! I'm losing my balance, I'm gonna faaaall!"

That was the worse performance I've ever witnessed. Yeah, I ain't catching her.

"Woahhh!!"

Ughh... I have to catch her, don't I?

"Got ya'!"

"Oh! My princess charming! You saved my life!"

"Woah, stop it! You are not Adrien! Don't touch me you freak!"

"You're right! I'm chameleon! You're getting better at this Ladybug! Good, it'll be more interesting this way!"

"Come at me, bitch!"

Okay, so she transforms into other people by kissing them, since she keeps trying to kiss me then I guess that must be it. Now the only problem is finding where tha akuma is... It's probably not in her current form. Damn it, this is going to be a difficult one!

"Shit. She escaped!"

***

"If this is a sleeping curse then what could possibly wake him up?"

OH NO.

"Oh no. Not a kiss! Please I don't want to play prince charming..."

"Mmh... Nobody will ever know..."

You owe me a lot of cheese, kid.

"Mmmm!!"

"Plagg? What happened? And what are you doing?"

"Uh! Me? Nothing! Uhh... Your friend Lila was akumatized, you should go help Ladybug. Come on!"

Thank the universe he woke up before I kissed him...

"Plagg, claws out!"

***

"Ladybug! I saw the supervillain running that way!"

"Thank you!~ IDIOT!"

Jeez, she could at least stop underestimating me! Her name is literally Chameleon. That gives away what her power is! Obviously I'm not going to trust a random kid who told me where the villain is when it's impossible to know who said villain is!

"My kid! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO HIM, LADYBUG! Release him!"

"Wha! Miss I'm sorry, but this one isn't your son! That's-"

"Kiss me, Ladybug!"

"Ladybug! Look out!"

"Cat boy!"

"Zzzzzz...."

"Heh! Now it's only you and me, Ladybug! Cataclysm!"

"I'm going to stop you, Lila!"

"Wait, how did you know who I was?"

Oh no she is going to dicover my secret identity! Jessica, quick think of a convincing excuse!

"Uhh... Internet?"

"WHAT?"

Ah, I panicked.

"Whatever! I'm gonna destroy you!"

"I won't let you, you pervert!"

"DON'T CALL ME PERVERT!"

"Catch if you can, PERVERT!"

"Quick! Get Chat Noir's miraculous!"

"No! I want to get her first!"

How dare she call me a pervert! AGHHH!!

This time I'm going to win Ladybug. I swear I'll make you pay!

"Ha! You have nowhere to go, Ladybug!"

"I wasn't planning to! Lucky charm!"

Please be something usefull, please be something usefull, PLEASE-

"A t-shirt?"

"Hahahaha! Thats your secret weapon, Ladybug? Your going to kill me by dressing me in you tasteless style of fashion?"

"Tasteless? My sense of fashion is PERFECT, you uncultured swine!"

Fuck! She is too strong! I can't punch her!

"AGH!"

She got me!

"Good job, Chameleon. Once you put her to sleep you can just give me her miraculous!"

I need to find a way to defeat her... Ughh... Thats it!

"Give me your hand!"

*CRASH!*

"Waaahh!"

"Aaaahh!"

"Muah!"

"Here!"

I hope scallops aren't your favourite food, 'cuz you're about to experience what it feels to be eaten!

"Ladybug! Woah, is that the supervillain?"

"Yup! Now lets end our job! Waiter, if you wouldn't mind"

"Yes Ladybug, at your service!"

"Huh?"

"Mademoiselle"

"Thank you!~"

"Oh! The akuma is in the pearl! Now we are going to find out who she really is"

"Oh, it's Lila"

"Eh? You knew already?"

"Take this!"

DIE BITCH

*CRACK!*

"No more evil doing for tou little akuma! Time to de-evilize! Bye bye little butterfly! Miraculous ladybug!"

"Lila. Why don't we make peace?"

Please just accept them and leave me alone.

"Thanks, Ladybug. I'll be honoured to call you my friend!"

Like hell I'll accept your friendship! I hate you!

"Yeah, I'm happy to hear that. Let me give you an advice. You don't have to lie and pretend to be something you are not, people will like you just for being yourself."

In reality, they won't, people are just mean sometimes and she knows it. Bet she's just smiling to trick me into believing her... Right now, we both are cursing each other internally.

"You have my word Ladybug!"

Fuck you, Ladybug.

"Well then, se ya'!"

Go kill yourself, Lila.

"Bye, Ladybug and Chat Noir!"

***

"Ah, I sense a talent like no other in this girl. Lila will certainly be usefull in the future. Just wait, Ladybug. I'm going to obtain the miraculous!"

***

"Of course Ladybug saved my life! She never blah blah blah blah blah...."

"Ughhh, I knew she was only faking to be in good terms with Ladybug yesterday... Bitch."

Agh! So anoying! Well, whatever, I won't try to tell those idiots the truth. Sooner or later they will have to learn by themselves to be more critical of what they are told...

"Are you going to tell them?"

"Huh? Oh it's you, sunshine boy. I mean she is-"

"A liar. Yes, I know. But if you humiliate her, won't it be worse?"

"Yeah, I know. I wasn't planning to tell anyone, so rest assured, kid. But, if she ever hurts someone, don't expect me to play nice!"

"Of course. Besides, as long as you and I know the truth everything will be alright!"

"I'm not sure... But I guess that's fine for now"

***

I STILL HAVE TO SIT NEXT TO HER IN CLASS! 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Chapter Text

*She is scared of cats, but powerless withouth her feline*

"Oh my god! I HAVE MY OWN ANIME MOVIE!"

The visuals, the fluid animation, the beautiful character designs... ITS PERFECT. I can feel my inner otaku awakening...

"I'm not scared of cats though... Oh well, creative freedom I guess!"

*The real CatNoir and Ladybug won't be in the premiere, but we hope they like the movie as much as we love them!*

"Ah, such a shame I can't go, it's not everyday that you get your own movie... Oh well, I still haven't seen it but I already like it!"

"You turned down an invitation to the premiere?"

"I'm a superheroe, my job is to protect the city not act like a superstar... Or at least thats what I would like to say, in reality I just have a shit ton of homework."

"You really aren't the most responsable person, are you?"

"Hehe, sorry~"

*The premiere will be attended by Jagged stone, famous designer Gabriel Agreste and his son Adrien, who voiced Chat Noir for the movie*

"ADRIEN?! Is he stupid?! How can he be so irresponsible?! He is Chat Noir, what if people recognize his voice?"

Okay, calmn down Marinette, remeber that you two are the main characters, you have the plot armor in your favour, you are SAFE.

"Ughhh, still.... He is too careless!"

***
"So, he have 600 macarons plus 800 cookies, not to mention the Ladybug and Chat Noir themed cakes"

"We sould have hired someone to serve all of this to the guests at the premiere"

"You need help with the catering? I can go if you want!"

"Are you sure sweetie?"

"Yup! Just leave it to me, papa!"

"And the fact that Adrien is going to be there has nothing to do with your offer?"

"Gasp! Mama you wound me! Of course not! He is just a friend, actually I'm more interested in meeting the director of the movie. I have always looked up to animators!"

"Okay, you are hired!"

"I won't let you down, promise!"

Well, looks like I am going after all. I KNOW I SAID I HAD HOMEWORK BUT IT'S TOO HARD! I'm sorry Tikki, but I really don't want to do it!

"So, I guess I have to wear something nice... Alright, lets see what I can find!"

"So, what about your homework?"

"WAH! Oh, Tikki, hey... Er-w-well you see... I have to help my parents 'cuz... 'Ya know... Gotta earn money to eat right? Hahahaha..."

"Uhuh... Sure."

***

"Now, look straight and stand like this..."

"Got it!"

Cool, my first formal job! I feel so responsable and mature! Is this what adulthood feels like? Awsome!
Fuck, I stumbled!

"Woah!"

Ah shit. I'm going to fall, stupid main character embarrasing events that happen for the sake of the plot! CURSE YOU!

"Ah! Marinette, now she knows how to draw. Just look at this amazing sunglasses she made me!"

"Oh well, that is impressive!"

"Yeah, she even designed my album cover!"

"Ahaha, ah thanks, uh... Macarons?"

HOLY SHIT I'M FUCKING STUPID! WHY WOULD I ASK HIM IF HE WANTS MACARONS?! HE IS THE DIRECTOR OF THE MOVIE AND ALL I COULD SAY WAS THAT?!!

"Oh sure!"

The director extended his hand to take one of the delicious macarons suddenly Jagged Stone took it first. And the another person, and another, and another one, and another until there weren't any macarons left.

"Umm, I-I can bring you more if you want, sir!"

"Oh, thank you..."

"T-then I'll go..."

Ughhh, stupid, stupid, stupid! He probably thinks I'm an idiot!

"Aghh!"

As I go to the table were my parents are controlling the catering to take more macarons I turned around just in time to see catboy -I mean Adrien, entering the place while surrounded by a horde of cameras, flashlights and reporters. That must be tiring... Oh he's greeting me, uhhh right! I should greet him back.

"Hi!"

Know lets go back and try to look normal infront of the movie director...

"You are so lame! How dare you leave Queen Bee out of the trailer?!"

I'd recognize that annoying voice anywhere. Bratty attitude, blonde hair and expensive but tacky clothes? Chloe!

"Oh dear! What were you thinking hiring Dupain-Cheng?!"

"I didn't hire her!"

"You know I can hear you right?"

"Oh well, thats actually great! While I'll be here watching the movie with Adrien, you'll be there washing dishes! Hahahaha!"

BITCH.

"Oh, sir here are the macarons you asked for!"

"Oh thank you!"

Okay Marinette, this time make sure to give him a good impression!

"Eh, sir? I actually wanted to-"

"OH NO!  NOT HER!"

"Oh for the love of...what now?!"

"Huh? Oh, it's you again... well I guess that could work... Do you know her?"

I look in the direction Chloe is pointing and I recognize that one japanese rich girl, seems like Chloe hates her, well I guess its not that surprising since I think the other girl likes Adrien too. Ha! Bet she's been making Chloe miserable by interrupting her time with the kid.

"You mean Kagami? Yeah I know her, why? You got somethin' against her?"

"I DESPISE HER! She is ALWAYS interrupting my time with MY Adrikins!"

See? Told ya'!

"She is so RUDE! AND ANNOYING!!"

"Yeah... I dunno, but something tells me thats because your kind of a brat sometimes..."

I mean, Kagami is also a lil' bit cold towards people, mix that with Chloe being Chloe and you'll have a ticking bomb.

"What did you say?!"

"Nothing! So... what exactly were you referring to when you said 'that could work'?"

"Oh yeah, THAT. Well, we need a plan"

"A plan for what?"

"A plan to separate them of course!"

"Why?"

"WHY?? What dou you mean why?! Are you dumb or something? That girl is a THREATH. She could steal Adrien!"

"You make it sound as if he were a doll or something..."

"Just! UGHH, Listen, if I'm going to lose Adrien to another girl, I at least want that girl to be you, okay? I have no intention on handing Adrien over to that Kagami girl."

"Wow, well- I guess I'm flattered but I don't know if this is a good id-"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT BITCH DOING!"

"Huh?"

So, apparently Kagami saw us and decided to show herself as a 'worthy opponent' and hug Adrien's arm. Somehow her attitude is kind of bothering me, like, WHAT. THE. FUCK? Did she really need to do that? And whats up with that smug look of hers? It's on you little shit.

"You know, I cant believe I'm about to say this but, I can see why you don't like her. She is such an annnoying little shit."

"Totally! So, are you in or not?"

"Hell yeah I'm in! Lets show her whos boss here!"

...

THIS IS A BAD IDEA. I can't believe I actually let myself get carried away by my wounded pride. Bad Marinette, BAD! Chloe better have a good plan...

"So... What exactly are you planing to do?"

"Look, Kagami and Adrien are going to sit together in the theatre, the plan is to change that!"

"Okay, and we are going to do that by...?"

"By getting rid of Kagami before the movie starts! That way there will be an extra sit for you!"

"Wait, I'M the one that will seat next to him? No! No, no, no, no, NO! That is WAY to risky for me! I'm supposed to be helping my parents!"

"Remeber what you told me once Marinette, and I quote: all that takes for the triumph of evil is that good people do nothing!"

"I never said that-"

"Well today, the evil is Kagami. And WE are going to be the heroes that save the day!"

"This is definitely going to end wrong"

"Fine! Then keep being not sure about it and tomorrow Adrien and Kagami will be on an airplane headed to japan!"

"No way! He can't just go so suddenly like that! Your just overreacting!"

"You think? They are already going to the movies together., their parents are signing papers together!"

"Chloe, seriously, calm down! Your talking as if their parents were signing a marriage contract for their kids! They're just fourteen, it's not like any relationship people have at this age last much!"

Honestly, they would probably break up sonn if they ever start dating. I mean, I had some friends whose boyfriends broke up with them because they got 'bored' or some other pathethic excuse. Ughh... now I fell bad for Chloe, she really is just kid after all, isn't she?

"Marinette! SHE IS GOING TO STEAL ADRIEN!"

"Ughh... fine! I'll help you, but you owe me a big one, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever!"

...

"Marinette! Surely you won't really team up with Chloe?"

"Ughh, I know, I know! This is a terrible idea, but what do ya' want me to tell ya'? I guess I kind of have a soft spot for her? Ugh, I feel like throwing up, can't believe I actually said that... Come on, she is just a kid ya' know? And... I don't know.... I guess I feel bad seeing her so... distressed? Besides, I'm not really planing to actually succeed, lets say I'll just play my part and just follow the flow!"

"If you are sure..."

...

"Alright! Garbage bag, ladle and... What are those? I asked you to get some rope!"

"Sorry, I could only find was this cooking string... You're not planning on murdering Kagami, right?"

"What? Of course not! Anyway, lets start!"

Chloe takes my hand and leads me to a table where she proceeds to take a plate full of macarons that she puts inside the bad and then starts to fucking smash it as if the bag had insulted her and her family.

"Chloe! Those macarons were for the guests! Besides, we really shouldn't do this!"

I'm saying this, but I do have to admit that I'm kind of relieved that we aren't going to kidnap Kagami or murder her... Seriously the I was starting to get worried when she asked for the bag and the rope, I mean, that super shady!

"Listen Marinette! Of we don't sacrifice some of those macarons Adrien will be eating sushi for the rest of his live!"

"Okay, first of all sushi is NOT the only thing japanese people eat, what you just said is super insulting to their culture, they have a rich gastronomy with delicious food, and second, it would kind of be better if Adrien were to eat sushi for the rest of his live, jaoanese food is way more healthy than the one we eat!"

"WHATEVER! You better not screw this up Dupain-Cheng!"

"I want two thousand euros and a favour that you can fullfil later whenever I need you to"

"Deal!"

...

Forgive me mom and dad, but miney can be really tempting! I'M SORRY FOR BEING SO WEAK!

Well, here goes nothing...

"Woahh! Oh no, I'm falling! Help!~ uff!"

And, perfect landing! Just in the place we planed! What you gonna do now, bitch?

"Marinette! Are you okay?"

Adrien asks me as his hands reaches for mine.

"Eh, sure! Thank you"

"I didn't know you were here!"

"Oh yeah, I'm helping my parents 'cause they're short in staff..."

Come on Chloe, if you're gonna do it just do it quick!"

"Well, eh I think I should get going, so eh- see ya'!"

Oh god I knew I couldn't do this after all!

"What on earth was that?! Why did you go away?!"

"Sorry Chloe, I panicked."

"You?! Panick? No way! You are Marinette! YOU DON'T PANICK! You get angry and just say things with that sharo tongue of yours and say 'fuck it' even if the situation is hopeless! You are the one that laughs at danger! You don't care!"

"Is that how you see me? Of course I care! I may be straightforward and tell my opinion without sugarcoating but that doesn't mean I don't have my own problems to worry about! Not even I can be that fearless!"

"But-!"

"Kagami are you okay?"

"Huh?"

We both turn around and see Kagami looking at her shoe sole, it seems like she stepped in some of the smashed macarons that fell with me before.

"These shoes belonged to my grand mother!"

"Oh, now THIS is part of the plan"

"Somehow I have a deja vu feeling that tells me this is going to backfire into some specific romantic scene..."

I mutter as Adrien pulls a chair so Kagami can sit.

"Lets go, Dupain-Cheng!"

"Hey! Wait-!"

Chloe grabs my hand completely ignoring me and so, the part two of our plan begins. I seriously can't believe I'm still following her... Though, I'm a little shocked about what Chloe said about me before... Does she really thinks of me like that? Is that how she sees me? I didn't know... does she looks up to me? I'm not as brave as she made me sound... I guess I'm a little flattered... Perhaphs she is not that bad...

Oh, poor Adrien. He still can't find a seat thats clean for Kagami. I gotta admit, that is the perfect dick move Chloe. 

As I approach Jagged Stone with a stolen poster and ask him to autograph it, he places his piece of cake in a chair.

And so in a beatifully made and perfectly timed chain reaction, Adrien takes a chair thats tied with the cooking string and offers it to Kagami so she can sit on it. Then Chloe pulls the string that makes both the chair Kagami is going to sit in and the chair where Jagged Stone's cake is placed change places so Kagami sits on the cake.

And it would have worked if ot wasn't for Kagami's mither calling for her daughter. Goddamnit! We didn't take her as a possibility! 

"Wait! No, no, no, no, NO! Don't sit there!"

And... He sat there. The movie's director sat in the cake and now all of the little kids surrounding him are laughing! What did I do?! Now an akuma is going to come!

"Ughh! Fuck! It didn't work!"

"Yeah, I saw."

"What are we going to do now?!"

"Give up and call it a day? Like I said, it won't be the end of the world if Adrien sits with Kagami"

"Aghhh! Look at them! THEY'RE RECREATING THE SHOE SCENE FROM CINDERELLA!!"

"I knew it! My incstint never fails..."

"NO WAY! I REFUSE TO GIVE UP!"

"Chloe, wait!"

Once again ignoring me Chloe goes to where Adrien and Kagami are. That girl! She is going to make a fool of herself! This fictional world is designed to make her misserable! I hope it's not too bad...

"Adrikins!~ hey-"

"Wahh!"

And she was saved by today's akuma. Lucky her.

"Oh come on now, don't leave! The show is about to get started!"

Exclaimed the akuma as people started screaming and running away from the scene. I too, ran away so I could transform.

What the fuck. He transformed into a two dimentional cartoon godzila rip-off! 

That is probably the weirdest thing I've said in my life.

"I'll have to talk later with Clhoe...Tikki, spots on!"

...

"Ah, Chat! Over here!"

"My lady! How are you?"

"Oh ya' know, the usual: busy with my studies and wanting to commit murder 'cause personal reasons"

"That is... Nice? Oh, look! There is the akuma!"

Said Cat boy as we both landed in a rooftop.

"We would have come to your premier if we had known you'd be so upset!"

"Not gonna lie, I really wanted to come... Hey, just a question, whats up with me being scared of cats?"

"ROAR! You haven't seen the movie and you are already disliking it!"

"He does have a point, you know?"

"Shut up, Cat boy"

"Watch out!"

The akuma- I still don't know his villain name- shoot a laser beam towards us, thanks to Catboy we quickly jumped out of the way.

"Hey! I wasn't saying I dislike it, it was constructive criticism!"

I responded as I threw my yo-yo tying the akuma to the news' skyscraper.

"Oh it's ALWAYS about you, isn't it?!"

"Well, I mean, I AM the heroine of this city and the main character of the movie so..."

"SHUT UP! FROM NOW ON, EVERYONE WILL BE LOOKING ONLY AT ME!"

Suddenly a white, blinding light came from his body, forcing us to close our eyes. When we opened them, the akuma had become...

A GIANT JAPANESE MECHA?!

Oi, whats uo with those sudden anime references?? 

"What the hell?! MEGAMAN?!"

"Oh, you watch anime too, ladybug?"

"Yeah, I do. A friend kind of got me in..."

It was a traumatic experience. My frien Alice from my previous life, she bothered me and begged on her knees for an entire fucking month until I gave up and watched Neon Genesis Evangelion with, the ENTIRE franchise, movies included.

"Lets see how much you enjoy the true power of animation!"

Animaestre- thats just how I'm gonna call him- exclaimed as he sent a... lightning beam thingy or some shit like that. 

I jumped once again dodging his attack.

"Eh? But I already appreciate the power of animation!"

"This isn't fair! Why does HE get the power of anime? HE IS THE VILLIAN!"

Good question Catboy, I thought I was the one with the power of anime and gos on her side!

Animaestre transformed again and this time he took the form of a mickey mouse rip-off version from the 60s.

"Maybe I am the true hero!~"

"Ha! 'Ya wish! In this battle,the only thing I've seen you do is avoide copyright by making cheap rip-offs of popular animated characters! YOU ARE DEFINITELY THE BAD GUY!"

"GET BEHIND MY LADY!"

Screamed Chat Noir as he shielded me from another akuma attack.

"WAAAHHHH!"

Oh my god! THE ALUMA THREW A FLIPPING LITERAL BLACK HOLE! AND CHAT JUST FELL INSIDE IT!

"CHAT!"

Quickly I threw my yo-yo and managed to catch Adrien before he was completely swallowed by the abyss.

"Are you okay Chat Noir?!"

"Watch out!"

Again we dodged the attack, which was this time a couole of giant boxing gloves, similar to the ones you would see in a looney toon's episode. 

"How do you beat a 2D character?!"

"I don't know! Why are 'ya asking me?! I guess that maybe with his mask 'cause is the only thing that doesn't change"

"Okay. That makes sense. Lets go with that. The akuma must be in it."

"FEAR THE POWER OF CARTOONS!"

Screamed the now sexy-superheroine-main-character-looking villain. The style reminds me of Cartoon Network's justice leage series...

Those are way too much references!

"Yeah? Well, how about YOU fear the power of a real life heroe! Lucky charm!"

"A camera?"

I hate this power.

"Of course! Who better to make a movie avout Chat Noir and Ladybug than Chat Noir and Ladybug!"

"Take this!"

The akuma directed her green eye lasers towards us causing the floor below us to fall.

"Uff! He really doesn't take kindly to competition..."

"Ughh... My back..."

Ughh.... A ninja? Seriously?

"Aghh! A smoke bomb! Cough, cough!"

"Cough! I can't see anything!"

"Protect your miraculous! He could be anywhere!"

"MOVE!"

Chat pushed me before Animaestre could touch me.

"Everything okay down there?!"

"Huh?"

"Chat! Over there!"

We threw our weapones at him, unfortunately he transmformed into an angry bird and scaped. THIS FUCKING NERD IS GOING DOWN.

"Damn nerd! He scaped!"

"Weird. Why didn't he attack us when we couldn't see?"

"Lets check the camera!"

The video showed animaestre about to leap at us when suddenly the image seemed to freeze.

"Did you pause the video?"

"No. I didn't. Did you see him freeze?"

"No, I had my eyes closed!"

"Me too. Don't tell me... His weakness is freezing when no one sees him?!"

"What an useless power, I'm kind of dissapointed now. I was hoping Hawkmoth would be a little more competent than that, he truly sucks as a villain"

"Wow. Where did THAT come from? I thought murdering villains with worda was my power here!"

"What can I say, you are a terrible influence."

"Gasp! You were cold towards me! I'm SO proud! You are finally entering the dark side!"

"Hehe, anyway, now that we know how to defeat him we should go kick his ass!"

"Hell yeah!"

...

"Is that... A giant unicorn destroying the city with rainbows?"

"Why is he so weird? Hey, it won't be easy to stop him if people are watching!"

"The news!"

"Of course! You are a genious!"

"Kepl him busy, ok?"

"Sure!"

...

"Eveeyone, stop watching him! Just because he is sginy and colourful doesn't mean he isn't dangerous!"

I hope Ladybug's plan works!

"So? You're jealous of our success, huh?"

"You can play the zmart alley cat but once I have your miraculouz everyone will forget about you zoon enough!"

Well this guy needs to chill out a bit! Damn it! He transformed again!

"Goku? Is that you?"

Oh FUCK. That is a kamehameha he is sending me!

"AAHHHH!"

"Woah!"

Hiw many of those is he going to shoot?!! I look like I'm in one of those sgows were a charcater is tormented by anither throwing pointy stuff to him! I have to run!

"-its the inly way to stop him!"

"Haha! They can turn off theur TVs but there will always be one person watvhing me!"

"Sorry Nadia, but this time cameras are forbidden!"

CRASH! I broke the camera,now no one will be able to watch him!

"What is he doing now?"

"Ah, Catboy. I think he is doing the magical girl transformation sequence"

"Oh yeah,he does look like sailor moon"

"Do we hit him while he is transforming or..."

"Nah, lets wait for him. I like the transformation"

"Okay."

"OH MY GOD ITS GOING TO EXPLODE!"

"RU-WAAHHH!"

"Cataclism!"

"Everybody must watch animation!"

"I agree but you can't force people!"

"Please don't force them, its really traumatic"

"Give up! We are the only ones! Once we shut our eyes it'll be your loss!"

"NOOO!"

"Shut your eyes Chat!"

"And... Done! Your turn, my lady!"

"No more evil doing for you, little akuma! Time to de-evilize! Gotcha! Bye bye little butterfly!~"

"Miraculous ladybug!"

And so once again the day was saved by me and my partner and everything went back to normal.

"Huh? What am I doing here?"

Asked the director confused after being de-akumatized. I went to him picking up his identity card from the floor.

"Here."

"Ladybug and Chat Noir?"

"Yup! Thats us!~"

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

"Ladybug your going to detransform"

"Bugout then! Bye!"

...

"Clhoe! Wait! Please, DON'T DO anything stupid!"

"Stupid? Excuse me?! What does that mean!"

"It means that you shouldn't bother Kagami!"

"Then are you saying I should just let her take Adrien away?! I already told you, I won't give up! I refuse to be humiliated by HER! Now step aside you coward! The only stupid thing I did was to think we could be a team!"

Clhoe said while turning red of anger. She is truly concerned about this,tears are starting to form in her eyes. And the last she said, somehow it stings, it hurts my heart for some reason.

"You thought we could be a team?"

"Ughh, forget it!"

She said as she starts to enter the proyection room.

"Clhoe, wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel as if I don't care about your feelings... But trust me, trying to pick a fight with Kagami won't somve anything! I know Adrien is an important person for you,and I honestly want to help you... So please, lets think about all of this calmly okay?"

I said softly to her while smiling gently. Ah, I think I want to be her friend. She is so vulnerable... I feel as if she is going to break, I don't want this child keep being like this, I want ti helo her improve.

"Ughh! Fine! You better have a good plan by tomorrow at school, Dupain-Cheng! But don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm your friend or want to be your friend. You just haooened to offer help so it's a one-time-partnership, okay?!"

That

was

So

CUTE!

Oh my god she is such a tsundere!* 

"Hehe,sure thing Clhoe!~"

"G-great! Then, goodbye!"

"Bye!~"

Yup, I'm definitely starting to like her. 

"Umm, excuse me young lady."

Someone poked my shoulder.

"Eh, yes?"

Oh, it's the director.

"Here. Take my pass, its okay, I've seen the movie like ten times by now!"

"Eh? R-really?! Thank you so much! Ah, can you olease give me an autograph! I've been dying to ask you all day!"

"You know who I am?"

"Of course I do! How could I not know one of the best directors of the country! I love your works!"

"Why thank you! Here!"

"Thank you! It'll be a family treasure!"

...

"Awsome you could come here, Marinette"

"Hey, Adrien!"

This must be my main charcter luck in action. I got a seat beside Catboy! 

"Marinette? Why are you here?"

"Ah, Clhoe! The director gave me his pass! Now I too can se the movie!"

"That was nice of him... I mean, good! At least now Adrien won't be alone with Kagami. You're not so useless after all, Marinette."

"Aww!~ That was the closest thing to a compliment you've ever said to me!"

"S-shut up!"

Chapter Text

*The mayor of Paris will be unveiling the star train right here at the train station. This ultra-modern train will travel between France and the UK at record speeds! Faster than...*

"I don't understand, how is the train going to cross the sea between both countries, Marinette?"

I heard Tikki ask me as she turns to look at me with her big, curious eyes.

"Oh, there is a tunnel under the English Channel, Tikki. I think they call it the eurotunel!"

"It's underwater? Did a superhero do that?!"

She exclaims with amazement.

"Nah, just regular guys with big machines and smart brains"

"Huh, I can't believe everything humankind has done since I last had an owner!"

I wonder how much time has it been? Maybe I should ask her later...

"Yeah, we are like, supergood at creating and innovating technology, though some people are still dumb as hell sometimes..."

I am NOT kidding, last week I was hungry and decided to do some popcorn in the microwave and discovered that there are instructions that tell you not to open the package when its hot because some dumbass somehow managed to hurt his eye with a popcorn that exploded and hit him. Seriously, just HOW ON EARTH DO YOU MANAGE TO HURT YOURSELF IN SUCH A DUMB WAY?!

"Oh, by the way, that is going to be such a wonderful sweater!"

Says Tikki pointing at my current knitting work. I recently discovered knitting is surprisingly calming... who knew I of all people would find this activity enjoyable?

"Thank you! It's like a tradition, I always make a sweater for my dad on his birthday!"

There are so many things I've been remembering about this current identity, honestly this girl's life- my life- is just so wonderful! I really am liking this new life... Those new memories are also the reason why I discovered my new passion for knitting!

"I do want to make something special this year, ya' know? I want to surprise him!"

"I'm sure you'll come up with something amazing!"

"I still have a week, so I gues it'll be fine!"

...

"Oh come on! It really is a shame, Roland. It's your son's 40th birthday! And I know how much he would- ah"

I can hear my mom answer to the phone as I go down to the kitchen, I wonder if she is still talking with my granfather...

"Who was that, mom? Was it the old man again?"

"Yes..."

"So... I guess he rejected the invitation again?"

"I did everything I could, it would have made your dad so happy! I know he doesn't talk much about his feelings, but he is obviously sad that he doesn't see his own father anymore! It's a shame..."

"Tsk! Seriously, how come that old man is such a pain in the ass when dad is such a sweetheart! I bet dad resembles grandmother more..."

So, apparently my grandfather is a hotheaded asshole who refuses to talk to his own and only son for some unknown- and probably, very much likely dumb, definetely stupid- reason. Oh yeah, and he has never even met me. His granddaughter, the only one. He probably doesn't even know I exist. 

"Ugh, I would normally tell you to be more respectful towards your grandfather but, he hasn't come out from his home or seen a single person for over twenty years!"

"Hey, you sure we don't need to call a psychiatrist. Because thats not normal. Actually, I'm pretty sure there is a mental disease that prevents people from coming out of their home... scratch that, he is an elder man living alone. I don't want the police to call only to tell us that he died alone in his house. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED A PSYCHIATRIST YET?"

"Calm down Marinette, you're rambling again. Your grandfather is FINE."

No he is not, he hasn't come out of his house in twenty years! TWENTY YEARS, MOM! 

"Ahhh, weel if you say so... Anyway, why hasn't he come out from his home?"

I ask trying to calm down a little by talking about this in a rational and civilized way. After all, the best way to solve a problem is knowing the root of said issue first!

"Ah, ehh... he is... a little... old fashioned. In his own way... He is not exactly what you would call modern"

"What on earth does that even mean? Just what exactly happened twenty years ago?"

"Well its... complicated. If you really want to know more about it you should probably ask your dad"

"Ughh, fine"

Seriously, WHAT HAPPENED? Why is it so difficult for her to just tell me? Did he get mad at her? Did he not approve of mom? I wonder if dad will tell me...

...

"Hey dad! Why hasn't granpa left his house in twenty years?"

I don't need subtlety, I need ANSWERS!

"OH, well... ehh... because he's very fond of tradition and uhh... if you really want to know you should probably ask granma!"

OH COME ON! JUST TELL ME!! 

"Fine."

...

"Hmmm... he has... always lived in the past... well its complicated. If you really-"

No. NO! DON'T FUCKING END THAT DAMN SENTENCE! I SWEAR I'M GOIN TO-

"want to know about it, you should probably ask your dad or your mom"

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

"Thanks grandma..."

I reply as I hang up the call and turn off the tablet.

"AGHH! Seriously, why won't anyone just answer me!"

I feel betrayed and cheated on! I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TWENTY YEARS AGO! What should I do? Please, if there is a god out there, please help! Give me a signal so the path is revealed to me!

*Beep!*

Huh? I look down at my tablet and see the notification that has appeared on the screen. Oh, Alya just sent me a mail... OF COURSE! 

"YES!"

THANK YOU DIVINE FORCES FROM ABOVE! 

"I just have to google the old man and then I can go to his house and ask him in person! I LOVE THE INTERNET!"

I exclaim out loud as I take my tablet and open google.

"So, I guess you already know what to get your dad for his birthday?"

Asks Tikki while observing me with clear amusement at my antics.

"Yup! I'll smack some sense into the old man so he stops being such an idiot and finally gets out of his house!"

Bingo! I found his address!

"Okay lets go!"

"Marinette wait!"

"Huh? Is somethig wrong, Tikki?"

"It's already ten o'clock"

"Wait, really? Shit, I spent the whole day trying to figure out what happened to grandpa... Oh well, I guess we'll have to go tomorrow then..."

*CRASH!!*

"What was that?"

I stand up from my bed and look out of my bedroom's window only to see a... GIANT BABY?! What the- Since when has Hawkmoth fallen so low... I need to transform now!

"Tikki! Spots on!"

...

"No! Da-er, Mister Dupain! Move aside!"

Apparently, while I was spending like five minutes on the annoying magical-girl-transformation-coreography-bullshit, megababy- yes, that is how I'm going to call him- managed to reach my house and my father, being the brave, strong, kind man that he is, decided to defend our bakery, even if the enemy is as tall as a building. I love you dad, but please don't put yourself in danger.

"Take this!!"

I scream as I take my yo-yo and throw it to megababy's arm in order to stop him from destroying the building I live in. 

"Wow. My heart is just like that yo-yo wrapped baby's wrist. Taken prisoner by my lady forever!"

Says the idiotic cat as he closes his eyes waiting for a kiss while I'm struggling to stop the akuma from DESTROYING MY HOME. Seriously, what the fuck Adrien? Nows not the time for your trashy pick-up lines!

"Ughh-WAAAHHHHH!!!"

DAMN IT, ADRIEN! Thanks to his fooling around I got distracted for a second and the baby managed to throw me like a whole kilometer until I crashed into a cardboard like a looneytoon! Even worse, it just HAD to be a cardboard with Adrien's oh so beautiful and irritating face!

"Ughh, this kid! I swear I'll punch him next time! I'm goin to- waahh!"

"Admit it, for a second you almost fall for my poetic verse!"

Catboy says as he catches me after I fell from the cardboard with that annoyingly stunning smug grin of his. Not going to lie, he is hot. I mean, he IS a model. Still, that does NOT mean I'm in the mood to keep hearing his lame attempt of flirting.

"Oi, you wanna' die?"

"Sorry. I'll stop know."

"Good."

He puts me down and I summon my lucky charm. 

"HONEY SUGAR ICE TEA!"

What my magic created turns out to be a GIANT FAKE DONNUT! AND ITS FALLING OVER ME!!

"OH MY GOD! Ughhh!"

I caught it. I somehow managed to catch the giant donut and wHy AM i KeePiNg It OvER My HeAd?!

"O-Oi! Are you okay?!"

""Suure! Never betteer!"

Just as my legs are about to give up, the baby quickly takes the donnut and starts chewing on it. Finally, now we only need to-

*CRASH!!*

NO! WHY?!! HE JUST THREW IT AWAY AND IT SMASHED MY BEDROOM! WHY DOES THE UNIVERSE HATE ME? WHAT DID I DO??!! WHYYY?!!

"Your plastic donnut doesn't stand a chance against the best macarons in Paris! That baby has taste!"

Taste? What taste?!! MY BEDROOM JUST GOT DESTROYED AND THATS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY?! I know that my powers will fix it but still!

I think I'll just kill the butterfly this time. 

...

"Miraculous Ladybug!"

"Well, we finally finished!"

I say as my Lady's wonderfull power repairs the city once the battle is over and the akuma is purified.

"Yeah, hey, I don't have much time. Mind if you take him home? Okay great, bye!"

"Ah, wait! And... she is gone"

I mutter out loud as Ladybug leaps over the buildings and disappears in the distance. Somehow, I feel like maybe I overdid it with the flirting today, she seemed angry...

"Hey, whats wrong little guy?"

I ask looking at the baby who seems to be searching for something.

"WAah, uuhh, gah guh!"

Hm? Seems like he wants Ladybug to come judging by how he is stretching out his small arm... no, thats not it, is it? Hmmm...

"Of course! The pacifier!"

"Guh!"

Very well, lets go find it! I take my staff and extend it so I can reach the balcony of the bulding in front of us.

"Huh? Marinette?"

"AH! Chat Noir! H-hi!"

She exclaims surprised at the sight of me landing on her balcony.

"Hmm... this isn't the first time I bump into you right after Ladybug has transformed back..."

Somehow, I feel like that is a supicious and important fact...

"Ah! Could you be?"

Are my Lady and her perhaphs...

"I live here"

Oh yeah, I guess that makes sense then. Of course she isn't Ladybug, silly me. However! Why is she out here in her balcony so late? Specially when an akuma attack just happened?

"Don't tell me... Are you a fan?!"

"Yeah suure! I'm a suuper fan of yours, I love you!"

Ouch. That, that felt like she was mocking me. It kind of hurt. Heh, alright, if this is how you want to play then lets do it! Be ready for payback, princess!

"Well then, I guess I could give you a... special treatment this time. It's not all days that I get to meet such a lovely fan, don't you think, princess?"

I say as I put my free hand around her waist bringin her closer to me, while my eyes are locked on her blue ones. Oh, she is blushing! I knew she wouldn't resist my smile, it never fails with the female fans! 

"Ah-ah! Eh, w-well, t-thats...er- a-aren't you a little too close?"

Huh, who knew Marinette of all people could make such a cute expression when flustered? Ehh, she is getting really red, maybe I'm being too bold? Oh well, I guess this is what she gets for teasing me...

"Marinette!"

"Huh?"

"Guh?"

"Dad?!"

I look down and see Marinette's father looking at us just as surprised as we are. He looks a little scared, seems like he was worried about his daughter due to the akuma attack... 

"Well I never... WOAH!"

He suddenly exclaims as his expression turns from a worried one to an exited one. It takes me a few seconds until I realize the position Marinette and I are in. We are too close!

"EH!"

"Ahh..."

"IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"

"WE CAN EXPLAIN!"

Oh great, I think we just made it worse by saying the two most cliché and lame excuses from any romantic comedy movie ever made.

*beep beep beep*

Perfect timing!

"Oh, look at that! Seems like I have to go! Gotta take this 'lil guy back to his mother! Haha, bye!"

"WAIT!"

Ughh... Just when I was about to go and pretend none of this happened, Marinette's dad stopped me. Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

"Why don't you come to have lunch with us tomorrow?"

"Eeehhh..."

What am I even supposed to answer now?? I look back at Marinette nervously and... She is shaking her head and telling me to say no. Well, guess I should refu-

"I'll make macaroons!~"

"SEE YOU TOMORROW THEN!"

Oh please Marinette, don't look at me with that "fuck you" expression, you know I can't say no to your father's macaroons!

"Bye!"

Yup, even if she kills me, it'll be worth it! I HAVE NO REGRETS!

***

FUCK YOU, ADRIEN!

What is he even thinking?!! Does he even realize how dangerous that is?? MY FAMILY COULD BE PUT IN DANGER! Well, I mean thinking about it carefully, Hawkmoth is not exactly the best villain ever... but I still should not take that risk!

Ughh, also whats up with him? What was all that stunt he pulled at the balcony about? Ughh why do I even feel so embarrassed?

"Tikki, kill me please."

"Sorry honey, but I can only create, not destroy"

Ughh, you sassy little fairy!  

"Then create a gun so I can shoot myself, 'cuz I'm so done with this shit!"

"Ehh, but I still need you to work as ladybug!~ Maybe when you defeat Hawkmoth..."

"I hate you"

"I love you too~!"

"Ughh..."

Flopping into my bed, I decide that I'll figure this out tomorrow, right now I need to sleep. 

***

"Can you believe it? Our daughter's boyfriend is coming tomorrow! Do you realize? OUR DAUGHTER HAS A BOYFRIEND! And he is a superhero! She'll be super-safe!"

"Aren't you jumping the gun a little, tom?"

"You are absolutetely right! I can't be baking the dessert when I haven't prepared the first course! I'll make an extra-romantic dinner!"

"What I meant was that Chat Noir still hasn't expressed his feelings..."

"Oh please! Of course he likes her! Who wouldn't like our dear daughter? Everyone loves her!"

"Oh dear..."  

This will not end well. I just hope my husband doesn't end up getting hurt...

***

"Congratulations kid, you finally got yourself a girlfriend! About time you stopped obsessing over Ladybug! I'm so proud of you!"

Exclaims Plagg once I detransform in my bedroom.

"Oh shut up, Plagg! She's not my girlfriend, she is not even interested in Chat Noir! In fact, if looks could kill, I'd be dead already for accepting the invitation to lunch..."

Seriously, she's so scary sometimes! 

"Yeah, yeah, thats what you all say, but before you realize it we'll be eating some warm and crispy bread to go with every piece of cheese!~"

"So, you are just interested in the food huh? Why am I not surprised... Well, too bad, I'm still in love with Ladybug!"

"So? I don't see the problem in keeping two pots simmering on the stove... (Specially when there is actually only one...)"

"Thats an awfull thing to say, what the hell Plagg?! Besides, like I said, I doubt she's interested, but IF she really does like Chat Noir, then I'll tell her the truth and carefully reject her."

I mean, that's the right thing to do after all.

"Wha- at least wait until the cheese platter is served!"

Hah, I swear he can be such a pain sometimes...

***

"If he comes I'll kill him!"

"Now come on, don't be so harsh on him! I'm sure nothing bad will happen! Anyway, have you already decided what you are going to tell your grandfather?"

You are way too positive sometimes, Tikki.

"Yeah, more or less. I plan to visit him tomorrow. I hope I can manage to convince him to come... Seriously, why is he so stubborn? I wonder if what happened between him and dad was really that bad..."

Ughh I have way too many problems to solve right now, please Adrien, I beg you, do not come!

"I'm sure you'll find a way to make them reconciliate, don't worry!"

Ahh, well at least I have my dear Tikki for moral support.

"Thanks, Tikki!"

She is so sweet and cute! Her positivity is really something I never knew I needed so much in my sarcastic, cynical life!

***

"Adrien, you have twenty minutes to finish your lunch before it's time to review your Chinese lesson"

Ughh, what is this? Military school? Scratch that, they probably have more freedom in a military school than in my own house...

"Umm... Is my father too busy to have lunch with me again?"

Notice me senpai! And please, put special attention to the 'again' part, Nathalie.

"Yes, indeed. Your next meal with your father is scheduled next Thursday between 7:30 a.m. and 7:45 a.m."

Who on earth has time to eat a full meal in just 15 minutes? Seriously dad, am I your son or your employee?

"In that case, I think I'll have lunch in my room while studying chinese, at least talking while I eat will feel like I have some company..."

Hows that one? Feel bad already, Nathalie? Because I sure do! I hate my life so much sometimes... Yup, I will go to Marinette's house! At least she actually notices me even if its to murder me...

"Delicious bread, here we come!"

Exclaims Plagg cheerfully as I enter my room.

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should bring her a flower?"

I wonder out loud while looking at a pink rose inside a base on my piano.

"Oh sure! Because breaking her heart with flowers will be much more romantic!"

This guy! 

"I told you- you know what? Whatever! Plagg, claws out!"

***

"Thank God! He isn't coming!"

Now I can go and finally have some alone time for myself and rela-

"Not so sure about that, Marinette!"

Says Tikki pointing to Chat Noir talking to my father outside.

Fuck.

"Damn it Chat!"

I underestimated his stupidity. I can't believe he is actually willing to risk everything just for some macaroons! Wait! What if... The thing in the balcony... Is that why? Does he...?

"You-you don't think he likes me, do you?"

"Well... He likes Ladybug"

Not helping Tikki.

"Y-yeah I know, but he doesn't know I'm Ladybug... You don't think he... Shit. I have to reject him"

I'm sorry Adrien you are such a sweet boy, but I'm just not interested in having a boyfriend right now! I know my charm can be irresistible, so much you fell for me not once but TWICE! But I simply cannot accept your affections! The poor boy... Ahh, I really don't want to break his heart...

***

*Ding-dong*

"Oh dear, here we go..."

I mutter looking utterly miserable.

"Come on, sweetie. Let him in."

Says my father watching me expectantly.

I open the door and find Catboy smiling nervously while carrying a pink rose in his hands, paws?

"Uhh... Hello, Marinette"

"S'up, Chat!"

Judging his expression, my father must be giggling like a fangirl behing me right now. Ughh... This is so embarrasing!

"Welcome to our home!"

Exclaims my father as he gives Catboy a bear hug. Hehe, he looks like a tiny stick compared to my dad.

"Tom! Let him come up for air, huh?"

"Oh, sorry"

My father lets go of Adrien and we both turn around until we end up facing each other. It's uncomfortable. We are just looking at each other in complete silence while trying to figure just whatever the fuck normal people say to start a conversation.

"Uhhh... How are you?"

Not bad, keep doing a good job, brain!

"Fine, you?"

"Great!"

I'd be better if you hadn't come though... Oh for goodness sake! Stop shipping us dad! It won't happen! This is so embarrasing! Wait- what is he doing? Why is Adrien approaching my personal space?! I SWEAR IF HE KISSES ME IN THE LIPS WITHOUT MY PERMISSION-!

O-oh, he was just kissing me in the cheeks... I-I forgot europeans do that...

"Oh, he brought a pink rose for Marinette! You already know each other so well!"

"Well... It's cute I guess, but I doubt it means anything..."

I reply nervously to my dad's statement.

"A-actually, we don't know each other that well..."

Oh, so NOW you want to cooperate?

"Y-yeah! He's right! It all happened so fast!"

"Oh! Love at first sight! Even better!"

No! DAD, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO THINK THAT!

"Now, have a seat kids! I'll bring out the first course!"

'Kids', how does he know Chat's age? Do people realize we are teens? Do they think we are adults? Has anyone even wondered how wrong it is for kids to fight evil? I have so much questions now... What do people even think about us? Seriously dad, he could be an adult harrasing a minor! (I mean, he obviously is not, but I still wonder how old people think we are...)

Well, thats not the important thing right now!

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Waiting to eat a meal?"

"Why did you even accept? How could you?"

"Hey! It's free food!"

So he only wanted food in the end... Well, good to know I don't have to reject him but-

"You, listen-"

*SLAM*

"Voila! Special snaks for sweeathearts! Only for two, of course!"

I take a quick glance at Marinette and the proceed to take of those snacks and eat it. Sorry Mari, but if you keep sending me murderous gazes I'll only want to tease you more! Though, I should probably explain this missunderstanding, we really aren't in love with each other mister...

"So tell me Chat Noir, is being a superheroe a steady profession?"

"Ack! Cough, cough!"

Wha-what?! Wait, I'm only fourteen! I'm too young for this talk!

"Tom!"

"What?"

"You are absolutely right dad! It must be hard dating a superheroe! Just thinking about keeping a secret identity while being at work... You could get fired at any time! Maybe I sould rethink this!"

"Hey!"

Wah, don't be so cold Marinette!

"Of course not sweetie!"

"Huh?!"

Wait, for real? He's taking my side?

"Chat Noir won't be a superheroe all his life! Once he has defeated Hawkmoth he won't need to run on the rooftops with a stick saving people!"

Well yeah, I too hope we don't keep this up for our entire life, I still like running on the rooftops though...

"I now! He could bake at the bakery with me! I could train you, young man"

"Uhhh..."

But I want to study physics...

"B-but what if he doesn't want to be a baker!"

"See he'd love to! Everyone loves bakers!"

IN WHAT PART DID I EVEN AGREE??? I litterally just said no with my head! This is going too fast!!

"Umm"

"The Dupain-Chat Noir bakery! Doesn't that sound perfect?"

Holly wacamole I can't talk at all! And here I thought it was dificult to talk while my father gave me the 'cold and cruel silence of deception', this is a whole new level!

"Ah, Tom!"

"I can already see the little kittens running around the house and pet hamsters! Do you like hamsters?-"

Whoa, whoa, whoa! KITTENS??! But we are still teenagers! I don't even know what to do with my life! WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN TO MARINETTE AND SAID NO?! Oh yeah, because I'm stupid... And lonely...

"Because my daughter LOVES them! What did you want to name your future hamster again, sweetie?"

"Lord explosion murder"

What? Really? Pfff! Thats an... original name I guess...  Ah, she looks dead inside. I'm sorry, please help!

"Thats such a funny name! Isn't it? I'm bringing a souffle!"

Two seconds later and he comes with a heart shaped souffle. I want to die. This is really getting out of hand.

"Tom, how about we let Chat Noir tell us himself what he wants?"

Your mother is an angel, Marinette. An ANGEL.

"Good idea! 'Cuz he seems like the boy who changes his mind rather quickly."

Alright, she's mad. I get it, but you didn't have to be so harsh... Alright, here goes nothing...

"Well... Mr. And Mrs. Dupain-Cheng, Marinette. Here is the thing, you are really nice people and this meal was delicious and Marinette you are an awsome girl and I get you have feeling for me! After all, I'm cool in sooo many ways! Even I could fall in love with myself!"

Don't give that look Marinette, you started it this time.

"Anyway, my heart belongs to someone else! Even if she keeps rejecting me, I love Ladybug, I'm really sorry, Marinette."

"So you are rejecting me for someone who already rejected you?! How could you?! I won't ever forgive you! I HATE YOU! Ughh! I WON'T EVER BE LOVED!

Wow, not gonna lie, she's good at acting. She even shed some fake tears lwith ease! I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't caught her tiny smile while she went running to her room... Well at least she's not sad.

"Umm, well I think I should be going... Thank for having me and sorry, again."

I apologize one last time and the I walk out.

***

"I don't get it! How could he NOT love my princess?!"

"Its okay, I'm sure one day she will find another boy..."

"But then he'll break her heart too! I WON'T LET ANYONE HURT HER ANYMORE!"

***

Why do I hear boss music? 

"What is this?! Tikki!"

Thorns! BIG, ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC AND SHARP THORNS suddenly spread everywhere and trap me inside my bedroom!

"Marinette!"

***

Ahhh, I messed up... I didn't think it would end up like this...

*CRASH!*

"What!?"

As I turn to look towards Marinette's house and see that giant thorns have surrounded it making it look like a mix between the sleeping beauty's castle and the plant from jack and the magic beans fairytail.

"I REALLLY MESSED UP! MARINETTE!!"

I run to the house and enter, then I see Marinette's mom.

"I'm so sorry! This is all my fault! If only I hadn't come, I didn't think about the consecuences, I'm so stupid, sorry! And now Marinette is akumatized and-"

"Please don't apologize Chat Noir, it's not your fault but Tom's! No matter how many times I tell him he always takes things too far!"

Wait, so Mr. Dupain is the one akumatized? Thank the universe, for a moment I thought Marinette really did like me in THAT way! With all I said I would have hated if I had actually rejected her in such a rude manner! I was so scared thinking she wouldn't talk to me again...

"Don't worry. I'll bring your husband back to his senses and get Marinette out of this! I promise!"

"Shouldn't you wait for Ladybug?"

"It's okay. She'll come, I trust her."

"You really love her huh?"

"Yes"

Wait, you idiot! Her mom thinks you just broke her heart! SAY SOMETHING ELSE!

"B-but Marinette seems like an awsome girl too, you know?"

"Never apologize for your feelings, now go save them!"

"Thanks, Mrs. Dupain-Cheng!"

And so I started to climb the giant plant, err... rose? I don't reaaly know what kind of plant it is honestly... Wait that's not important right now! Focus, Adrien!

***

Wow, this is reaaaally tall, huh?

"Marinette!"

It seems like Marinete might be inside the giant bud. Don't worry Marinette, I'm coming to save you! Though she doesn't seem like the kind of girl who gets easily scared...

***

Ughh where am I? Just what is this place? Rapunzel's tower or somethin'?

"Tikki! Were are you?!"

I need to find her quickly.

"Marinette!"

"Ah! Tikki! I'm here!"

Great, so she's near... Now lets reunite and get outta here!

"AGHHHH! HOW DARE YOU COME HERE AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!!"

"I will always be here to save Marinette!"

"SHE IS SAVE FROM YOU, AND ALL THE BOYS THAT WANT TO BREAK HER HEART! ARGHH!!"

Was that my father fighting Chat? Wow, I did not expect dad to be that angry over a boy turning me down... I probably shouldn't have acted dramatically... I- I guess him being that angry is kind of sweet but... It's embarrasing! Seriously dad I'm not going to die if a boy rejects me, I'm not that desperate! Ahhh... I should find Tikki before dad hurts Adrien. Ughh I feel guilty...

...

Woah! Marinette's dad really is overprotective, huh? I really messed up this time... I should have listened to Marinette when she told me to go home, but NOO, my stupid ass just HAD to go and tease her! Curse those godly macaroons!

"I didn't mean to break her heart sir, I swear!"

I tell him while dodging his punches.

"THEN I SWEAR THAT I'M ABOUT TO CRUSH YOU!!"

"AHH!!"

SHIT.

Okay, clamn down Adrien, you're just hanging off a cliff, no big deal! I've dealt with worse before... Oh who am I kidding, I'm paNIcKiNg rIgHT nOw!

"Ladybug, where are you?!!"

Ugh! What's taking her so long- 

"Woah!"

Just when I was about to go up again Mr. Dupain took me from the neck of my suit.

"Waah, I'm sorry but I can't let you do this!"

I say while strugling to break free from his grip.

"WHY NOT?!"

"AAAAHHHH!!!"

Marinette's dad is SCARY. He just threw me like a ragdoll!

"Oof! Because I have- woah! A damsel in distress to rescue!"

(Even though she's more like a gorilla -lioness when she gets mad.)

To the left and then to the right, climb the thorns so you can get out of his reach in the height! DAMN IT! I slipped! I can't get up!

"I WONT LET YOU! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO SAVE HER!!"

Oh no! He caught me! Stupid tail! Why do I even have it?! IT ONLY GETS ME IN TROUBLE!

The akuma starts spinning around while holding me from my tail and then smashes me onto the floor!

"FROM NOW ON, NO ONE ELSE BUT I WILL PROTECT HER!"

THAT HURT.

"Aghh! And you plan to protect her ALL her life?"

"EXACTLY! I'LL KEEP HER SAVE FROM SADNESS, HARDSHIPS AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT COULD HARM HER!"

"You can't protect her from what hurts the most! Do you even know what hurts the most?!"

"MY GREAT BIG PUNCHES!!"

A frontal attack, how predictable! Naturally, I dodge his punch and put myself behind him and with my staff I trap him from behind by putting in against his neck.

"No! What hurts the most is solitude! What hurts is having a father that doesn't trust, a father who never lets you do anything! What hurts is being in isolation, having to sit in front of a cold meal... Is that want you want for your daughter?! A lifetime of cold meals in her prison of roses?"

Ah. Ummm... Maybe I projected a little too much...

"SHE WILL NEVER BE ALONE!"

As he screamed that enraged, the akuma manages to scape from my grasp.

"SOMEDAY, A PRINCE WILL COME! A PRINCE WORTHY ENOUGH TO FACE ME! WHO WILL FACE THE MANY DANGERS AND WIN THE MAGIC ROSE FOR HER! HE WILL BE WORTHY OF TAKING HER FROM MY GUARD!"

Now, while I consider myself a romantic person who might have some problems with idealizing relationships and sometimes has unrealistic expectations, even I know that waiting for a prince charming is just never going to happen. Besides, I'm pretty sure Marinette is more than capable of protecting herself, in fact I'll bet my whole fortune that the one doing the saving will be her. Despite me calling her a damsel in distress, she just doesn't fit that description.

"Sir, I think your hoping for too much! You should lower your expectations! BESIDES, YOU HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN IF SHE'S BISEXUAL!"

...

"Tikki! Where are you?!"

JUST HOW BIG IS THIS THING?! AGHH! I'VE BEEN RUNNING FOR AGES!

"I don't know Marinette! It seems like a magic prison that is trying to keep me from finding you!"

Oh great! What a pain! This is why I've never liked imagining a live inside a fairytail, whenever my friends would comment about how they wanted to be a princess so they could find their prince charming all I ever thought was: 'what a pain'. Being trapped by an evil witch/beast and living under the constant threat of a curse sounds like too much effort! Prince charming, even if he is hot and rich and nice and perfect, is just not worth that much energy, I'd rather die single while relaxing on my sofa and watching TV... yeah, that sounds more comfortable. I'm too lazy to be a protagonist. 

And I already have too much trouble being the main character in this world.

"There must be a way to get out of here..."

Now, if this is supposed to be like a fairytail, what would be the magical object I need to destroy? 

I look around to see anything that screams 'magical thingy' and bingo! A rose! 

"Well, that was easy."

I thought it would be a bit more complicated...

Now lets go-

*CLACK!*

What the-

"EEEEK!"

A hanging, giant axe suddenly falls and passes in front of me. Had I been one centimeter closer I would be dead.

WHAT THE HECK?! THERE ARE TRAPS IN HERE?! I thought it was supposed to be like a fairytail, not Tomb Raider!

"Yeah? WELL JOKES ON YOU! I'VE PASSED ALL THE GAMES OF TOMB RAIDER! And on hard level!"

...

Ladybug, seriously, WHERE ON EARTH ARE YOU?! I'm getting tired- oh no! He got me! Great! Now I'm stuck tied against a stem.

"I may not be your prince, but I'm charming enough to free her!"

"I FORBID YOU TO DO SO!"

He throws his fist back and then at me, quickly I take my staff and use it as a shield. The force of the akuma breaks it in two. 

"Not being in love with her, losing my staff... that won't keep me from saving her!"

It would be easier with Ladybug's help though...

"I'll never give up. Never!"

Marinette is my precious friend, thats why I will rescue her no matter what!

"YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY DAUGHTER!"

He says as he picks me up from the ground and then holds me over the cliff. Ladybug, please come quickly!

"I don't even have to be worthy, she's the one that will decide who to date!"

Just hen Mr. Dupain is about to grab my ring, the entire plant starts crumbling and the akuma loses it's power. 

"What? What's going on?"

And... now we're falling.

"AAAAH!!"

"Bye, bye little butterfly!"

She's here! FINALLY!

"My lady!"

Where have you been?!

"I'm coming for you!"

"No! Take Marinette, she's here somewhere!"

"Don't worry! I already took her to safety!"

Oooh, so THATS what she was doing!

"She's just as perfect as always! Who wouldn't be in love with Ladybug?!"

"Humpf!"

"Ah! Er- she eh... also has some flaws, you know?"

I should probably keep my mouth shut before I officially dig my own grave.

"Hey! Don't worry, I'll save us! Lucky charm!"

A boat? Was it really that hard to just create a parachute? Her power is so strange sometimes...

"Ehh... do your thing Cat boy!"

"Okay! Cataclysm!"

And just like that, we improvised a triangular parachute, I don't remember how those were called...

...

"Tom!"

"Honey!"

Once we land Marinette's mom hugs her husband and I turn towards Ladybug to do our gesture of celebration.

"Pound it, my Lady!"

I feel like I'm going to die, please just make it quick so I can go home.

"Pound it, Cat boy! Miraculous ladybug!"

...

"""MARINETTE!"""

"Dad!"

Looks like I detransformed just in time! 

"You're squishing me, I can't breath!"

"I'm sorry! I was so scared! You were so heartbroken because of that! Grrr!!"

"Eeeek!"

Sorry Adrien, but serves you right! After all you were the one who decided to play with fire. However, I'm not a monster, so I'll save you this time out of pity! Besides this whole mess is also my fault...

"Dad, please, stop. Chat Noir has all the right to be in love with Ladybug"

(Even if he's way too pushy sometimes...)

"She's very lucky to have you. Don't worry, I don't hate you, so maybe we can just be friends?"

I offer while smiling softly at him.

"Really? You don't hate me? Your such a cool person! Hehe!"

Oh my, no need to praise that much kid, you'll make blush! But judging by your expression it looks like you've already realized I wont let you get out of this that easily...

"Yup! So, if you ever have a problem you can talk to me and I'll try to help! Because thats what friends do, right Chat Noir?"

You get it, right? I'm saying you owe me a favour.

"Yeah-yeah! T-then you can also come talk to me, Marinette!"

"See, honey? Marinette is strong enough to manage her own disappointments, and even if hes not in love with Marinette, he just proved himself by saving her today."

"Thats right! Today your courage matched that of professional pastry chefs! You sure you don't want to learn the trade? If you bring fresh croissants to Ladybug she'll surely fall in love with you!"

Haha, no. That won't happen dad. I'm not interested for now.

"Daaad!"

"Hehe! Sorry!"

"Well, anyways, I have to go. Thank you so much for the food, and I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused. Marinette, here. It's my superhero phone number. If you ever have trouble or need help, call me."

Wait, we have phone numbers in our weapones? How did he find it? I've been trying but kept failing to find it! 

"Thanks!"

"Very well then, I'll leave now. Bye!"

"Bye!"

I'm totally using this for petty requests. Maybe he can help me with the old man...

Chapter Text

So... What’s the plan?"

A certain blond-haired boy in a cat suit asked. It was Saturday morning and Marinette had called Chat Noir earlier that day (as in like, 3 in the morning or something) to ask him to help her "get her stubborn grandfather out of his stupid self-lockdown and bring him back to the real world" or something like that, honestly he didn't put much attention because he was still half asleep. And since Adrien still owed her a favour after the whole "Weredad" fiasco, he agreed to meet her later.

"Well, the main plan is for me to go in there and talk to my grandfather and then bring him to dad's birthday party, but just in case it ends up being too difficult I prepared a plan B"

"That sounds surprisingly normal. So, what’s plan B?" 

"We kidnap him."

She said as if talking about the weather. Somehow that didn't surprise him at all.

"Of course, that’s plan B..."

Chat felt that today was going to be a very, VERY long day. Hopefully Hawkmoth wouldn't attack today, I mean even villains must have a day to rest right? 

"Haah... Alright, let’s just get this over with."

"Hey, are you okay? You're usually way more enthusiastic than this. I mean you haven't even said a pun yet!"

Now don't get her wrong, while Marinette appreciated the comfortable silence, she was starting to get a bit worried about the lack of reaction from Chat. Like seriously, the kid almost hit and fell into a trashcan while walking.

"Huh? Oh yeah. Sorry I guess I just have a lot in my mind lately..."

Like his daddy issues, his next plan to make Ladybug fall in love with him or maybe finally getting a decent, reasonable amount of sleep-

"Oh. Well, if you need someone to talk to I'm always here to listen"

Snaping out of his 'deep' thinking Chat turned aroung to look at Marinette and softly smiled:

"Thanks, Marinette. Now, should we go get your grandfather?"

"Yup!"

Finding her grandfather's house was easier than she thought, but then again it was hard to miss his house when it was litterally the only one that looked like it came out of one of those boring documentaries they whatch in school. Why can't anyone be normal in this family? And yes, she is aware that includes her (not like she had a choice in being the protagonist).

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

Oh dear, he had a literal bell instead of a doorbell. Her grandfather is nuts, what was she even thinking when she came? She was already starting to regret this...

"What do you want?"

A voice coming from a small pipe hole bluntly asked.

"Uhh, I'm a, uh, friend?"

"I don't have any friends"

And so, the conversation was over. The end. 

"Well that was kind of sad, also, a friend? Why didn't you just tell him you are his grandaughter?"

Asked Chat Noir who seemed to finally be fully awake. About time.

"S-shut up! I got nervous..."

"Uh huh, so... Are we going with plan B?"

He sure hopes not, it's too early to be kidnaping people. Not like he wants to kidnap anyone, thats wrong and illegal, but if he must then he prefers to do it in the evening and not in the morning when he actually has the energy to run from the police. 

"Not yet."

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

"What do you want?"

"Hello sir, its the mail lady!"

"Do what you usually do, throw the mail in the trash!"

Another failed attempt, thought Marinette bitterly as she watched the old mailbox full with forgotten mail.

"Uhhh, are those bills? Is he even paying them?"

Asked Chat while eyeing some of the envelopes.

"Probably not. Ughh, this won't be easy..."

"You don't say"

***

Several failed attempts later both Marinette and Chat Noir were now preparing for plan B.

"Okay, so we break into the house through the window and then I'll distract him while you-"

*Ding, Ding, Ding*

A man carrying a sack of flour made the bell sound.

"What do you want"

"Your flour is here Mr. Dupain"

"Oh come in, come in!"

Both teenagers looked at each other with mischievous grins.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Of course, princess!"

Marinette rushed towards the man and opened the door for him.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Dupain's grandaughter, Marinette! I was just about to go in myself. You can leave me the sack and I'll give it to him, it'll be a nice surprise!"

"He has a grandaughter?"

Of fucking course, why did she even expect her grandfather to know about her existence? The man probably never knew anything about her family aside for the fact that her parents married each other.

"He sure does!"

She said while smiling and winking at the delivery guy like the weird dumbass she was. Fortunately the world seemed to take pity on her and granted her wishes of breaking into the house by faking to be a delivery girl, and so, the man gave her the sack.

"Ooof!"

"I should probably help you with that"

"Oh no! It's fine, oh! Can I grab your cap? I want to play a prank on grandpa!"

"Sure! Say hi to Rolland for me, I'll grab my cap next time I come by"

May the universe bless that man. What a nice guy!

"Uh well that was easy. Do I wait for you here?"

Asked Chat.

"Yeah. This shouldn't take too long"

"Good luck then!"

Seeing how... unique her grandfather was, she was definetely going to need it.

***

Upon entering her grandfather's house Marinette felt as if she had traveled through time. The house was filled with antiquities: from oil paintings, black and white photographies to an old analog radio.

"Put the sack down in the usual place, Guillaume"

A voice spoke from the kitchen, snapping Marinette from her sightseeing.

"Oh, uh, where is the usual place?"

"Huh?! You're not Guillaume!"

Exclaimed granpa Dupain as he turned around to look at her.

"Uh, no! I'm, er... Jermaine! His cousing!"

She really needed to work on her speech skills when talking to her grandfather, this was the second time during the morning she said something stupid that complicated her plan even more. It'll be a miracle if she doesn't end up being kicked out of the house.

"Hmm... aren't you a bit young to be delivering flour?"

"I'm an intern, hehe! I'm doing a flour delivery internshio because someday I want to own my own flour shop!"

God that was terrible, what kind of idiot would even believe such a blatant lie-

"Hm! It's good to be ambitious!"

It worked. IT WORKED. This must be the so called plot armor every main character has... or at least it must be the luck she gets from the ladybug miraculous. 

"You can put the sack down, now have a nice day!"

Oh, not so fast, she still had a mission to fulfill and she wasn't going to back down that easily, not when she had already come this far. Putting a confident front Marinette started a conversation:

"So... you're a baker?"

"Are you a flour delivery girl or a nosy detective? Go on! Put the bag down and be on your way!"

Ouch! So cold... well at least now she nows where her sharp tongue comes from...  

"Oh! You have a 72 le panyol! And it's a rare woodfire model! So cool! They only made a few hundred of them!"

Exclaimed Marinette, hopefully this would the old man's interest.

"How did you know that?"

Asked the old man in amazement at the Marinette's knowledge.

"Uh, my bread hy¡istory teacher told us that!"

And once again her mouth had betrayed her, thought Marinette while resisting the urge to slap herself multiple times. Just why can't she simpy tell his grandfather the truth? This must be a curse of some sorts... maybe she'll ask Tikki about it later.

"Well thats new, you need bread hystory classes to become a flour delivery person now?!"

Abort mission, abort mission he was starting to get suspicious. She needed to clam down and think about something smart to reply to him!

"Y-you bet! You need to study for ten years to be a delivery person these days."

Damnit! She did it again! There was something wrong with her today and she's going to blame it on Hawkmoth and don't ask her why.

"Well, good luck with your intership, Jermaine, now put the sack down and have a good day!"

Her grandfather dismissively told her as he returned to working on his bread. This was though, talking to her grandfather was so hard that she could tell you without a doubt that fighting Hawkmoth would be better.

"Uhh, does that TV work? It's hard to find those types of old model nowadays..."

"Nah, turned it on one day and poof! Stoped working"

"Oh, it probably doesn't meet cable standars anymore... most signals are digital now, like wifi!"

"Ugh! The internet is just as crazy as cordless telephones! That's not how it's done! How can somebody's picture go through if there aren't any wirse!"

"But there have never been wires? As far as I'm aware TV signals used to be analog but they were still... electromagnetical phenomena? And the digital signal is also a waveform connected to an antenna, the only difference is that the digital signal is more complex than an analog signal and it offers the possibility of having more channels as well as a better quality in the image and sound. Similar thing with the phones..."

"Yeah well thats still how it was done! Now put the sack down and leave me alone! I've got work to do"

Marinette was seriously starting to consider just knocking out her grandfather and execute plan B, the man was stubborn and apparently,  didn't have that much knowledge regarding technology...

"Ugh..."

Marinette went to leave the bag where she had been told and saw a set of photos on a table, one of the had been turned dow and when she lifted it she saw it was an old photo of the day her parents got married, only her grandmother appeared.

"Do you live alone? Do you have any family?"

Asked Marinette sadly at her grandfather, it pained her that he had such a bad relationship with her family.

"You reaaly are a nosy detective!"

He exclaimed as he took the photograph out of Marinette's hands.

"Don't touch a thing, put the sack down and leave!"

"Oh, uh, let me help you with the bread!"

She suddenly said as she dropped the heavy bag into her grandfather's arms.

"Wait, no! Don't touch that!"

"Don't worry! I know how it's done!"

And so Marinette proceeded to repeat the steps her father had taught her to prepare bread, this was her family's recipe and surely her grandfather would be able to connect the dots, right?

"You take the dough and fold it in half rhythmically, pressing it flat..."

"snapping it slightly"

"Yup! It gices it elasticity and develops the glutten in the dough so that it holds together when it's baked!"

"Tsk! Whatever, you're just a schoolgirl repeating what she heard in class! You don't have any idea of how it's actually done!"

"Yes I do! I bet I can do it even better than you, old man!"

"Oh really? You think you can do better than me?! Ha! You heard that Charlotte, Margaret, Louis? She thinks she can do better than ME! Hahaha! We'll see about that!"

So her grandfather failed to connect the dots and somehow she ended up in a competition to see who is the best baker betwen both of them, and honestly? Screw it! Her grandfather was proving to be really irritating and she was not going to let this opportunity to prove her worth go away.

"Oh yeah? You're on, old man!"

***

It's been almost an hour and Marinette still has yet to come out. Chat doesn't know whether this is a good sign or a bad one, he suppoeses it's fine since he still hasn't heard any screams so that must mean that at least they haven't killed each other, still he can't help but feel Marinette has somehow managed to complicate things in a very unexpected way. And since it looked like he was going to be waiting for a long time he jumped to the roof of the bulding next to the old house and started playing a game in his staff, phone, staff's phone? 

Meanwhile, as Chat waited, Marinette was finishing baking her bread after listening to an endless speech from her grandfather about family tradition, a two thousand years old yeast, romans and his hatred for pizza. Whether the man had always been like that or if his attitude was like that due to old age, she did not know, but it was clear he had some issues.

"or making bread with rise flour! Thats not how it's done!"

"I won't even bother to explain why that mindset is so wrong... So, your son is a baker?"

"I don't have a son anymore, not since he betrayed me"

"Because he put rice in the bread dough?"

A stupid reason, really, but she guessed it could have been worse. He could have not approved of her parent's marriage...

"THATS. NOT. HOW. IT'S. DONE"

"Say old man, if I win, would you agree to do me a favour?"

"Why? What do you want from me?"

"Are you a baker or a nosy detective?"

"Ha! Well sure, you'll lose anyway!"

He confidently answered as he extended his hand to her. Smiling, Marinette shaked his hand.

"Sure!"

"Lalalalalala"

Marinette started singing an old tune her father taught her, hopefully this time her granfather woukd realize who she is. She just hopes he doesn't get a heart attack.

"That melody, it's the one my son and I used to sign when we were cooking, but how can you know... unless you are-! Impossible!"

Here goes nothing, she thought.

"Uhm, I'm your granddaughter, Marinette"

"My... granddaughter?"

"Yeah... I wanted to meet you... sorry for lying at first..."

"..."

"Uhh, grandfather? Are you okay?"

Oh please tell her she didn't kill him.

"LIAR! I don't have a granddaughter! BETRAYAL! It's like adding new ingredients! THATS NOT HOW IT'S DONE!"

"Woah! H-hey! Wait!"

"Shoo, shoo, get out! Get out!"

"Hey! I'm not going away! Not until I solve this stupid grudge you have toward dad! Whether you like it or not I'm your granddaughter and I'm staying!"

"You want to stay? THE STAY HERE!"

Her grandfather shouted as he slamed the door and leaving her locked inside the living room. That... was not how she was expecting things to turn out.

"HEY! Come old man! Today is your only son's birthday! Don't you want to see him again?"

"..."

No responce came out from the kitchen an Marinette had a feeling none would be coming any time soon. She let out a tired sight, her grandfather sure was hard to deal with, guess it was time to execute plan B. She turned around and started walking to the door so she could tell Chat to come help her kidnap her grandfather when suddenly an akumatized version of him bursted out from the kitchen.

"Granpa?!"

"There is no grandpa, only Bakerix! An if people don't do the things the way they are meant to be done will face my wrath! Soon Paris will look how it used to be before technology took over!"

"No! I can't live without internet!"

The akuma took a tiny container and drank a strange green liquid from it, suddenly it became bigger and stronger and then it jumped through the house's roof leaving Marinette behind with the all the rubble.

"Marinette!"

She looked up and saw Chat going her way.

"Chat!"

"Are you okay? Did he hurts you?"

"Don't worry, I'm okay. But you should go after him! I think my graandpa wants to turn the city back to how it was during the 1950's!"

"Were you abke to see the akuma?"

"No, but I think it might be in a small yeast container. It's round and when he drinks from it he grows bigger!"

"Okay, thank Marinette! And don't worry, I'll bring back your grandpa safely!"

"I'm sure you will, now go! Ladybug must be waiting for you!"

With that, Chat jumped through the air and started following the akuma. Once he was out of sight, Marinette returned inside the now partially destroyed house and transformed.

***

 An hour and a half later Ladybug and Chat Noir had once again saved the day.

“Well, looks like that’s all for today. Are you okay, sir?”

Asked Chat at the now neutralized villain.

“Oh no! I left some bread baking in the oven! And my granddaughter is there! Its dangerous! It could get fire!”

For a moment Marinette was both surprised and offended that her crazy grandad was worried she might burn the kitchen.

“I’m sure your grandaughter has it under control, don’t worry.”

She assured while giving him back his, candy container? Or was it filled with yeast? Well, she just gave him back his container thingy.

“I have to go back!”

Fortunately, before she could respond her earrings started beeping so Chat just smiled and told that he would bring him back home.

***

“Marinette! Are you alright?”

“Oh, hey gramps! Don’t worry, everything is just fine”.

After detransforming she had checked the bread and made sure to act as if she had everything under control (which she obviously did, but she just wanted to give a more professional air to her image, just to brag a bit).

Pulling the bread out of the oven and settling it at the table she turned to the old man and invited him to come near and check them out.

“Hmm, it looks alright”.

“Told ya’ I knew how to do it!”

Her shit-eating grin couldn’t have been bigger, surely this would prove to her stubborn grandpa that innovation wasn’t all that bad. The old man, however, did not look amused. Sensing incoming tension Chat decided this was the perfect moment to get away from the crazy duo.

“So… if that’s all then I’ll be going!”

“Not yet! We need a judge; you need to decide which one of those loafs is the best!”

Why did Marinette’s grandpa have to be that stubborn? Why couldn’t he just accept defeat? If only he hadn’t opened his big mouth and accepted the dinner offered by Marinette´s dad… but nooo, he just had to say yes and be blinded by gluttony and now he is stuck helping her with her crazy family and about to detransform!

“B-but I’m about to detransform…! Oh, okay guess you’ll just ignore me, never mind my secret identity just keep pushing me towards the table, totally not bothering me…”

 “Here. Now, eat.”

“Okay…”

Resigned to his fate, the boy carefully took a bite of both loafs and gave his verdict.

“Hey, they are both so tasty! Do you guys by change have any jam?”

“THAT’S NOT HOW YOU TASTE BREAD!”

Screamed both grandfather and granddaughter as if he had just kicked their favourite puppy in the face.

“Sheesh, okay sorry about that…” whispered the surprised boy while bitterly thinking that, judging by their smiling faces, at least they had found some sort of camaraderie in their apparent hatred towards jam.

“Anyways, I really have to go now, thanks for the tasty snack!”

Once the boy was gone, the old man turned once again to the bread and this time, he took a bite out of the one made by his granddaughter.

“Not bad, its pretty good! But, how?”

“I just used my dad’s original recipe! He puts some rice to his dough to make it even tastier!”

“I see… Well, I must give it to you kid, you do know how to bake some good bread”

“Thanks! So… now that its settled, will you come to dad’s birthday party? I’m sure he’ll be very happy to see you!”

The man’s face turned to a more serious one as he walked towards the forgotten frame photo at the corner of the table. Picking it up he turned to look at Marinette.

“You are not a traditional granddaughter, Marinette. And you know what?” A pause, the serious tone in her grandfather’s voice creating a tension that seemed to stop time for what felt like ages. And just when the girls thought she might have a heart attack slowly but surely a smile made its way to the old man’s expression.

“I like it.”

The girl couldn’t be happier.

***

“Did it go well?”

Marinette stared at the message on her phone. How did this work? Was Adrien transformed right now just so he could write to her? He couldn’t possibly be messaging her from his actual phone, otherwise his real name would pop out on her contacts… Magic, she supposes, for all its greatness is not always as practical as people make it out to be, sometimes it requires you to transform just so you can use the magical phone number it grants you with your super suit.

“It went great! The old man gave me his approval and even came out of his cave to party with the family!”

“That’s nice to hear!”

“Thanks for the help, btw. I couldn’t have done it without you”

“You’re welcome, princess!”

 “Hey, shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“How do you know I’m not?”

“You are literally writing to me as Chat Noir…”

“Oh yeah”

“Well, I guess I should let you sleep, you must have school tomorrow.”

“Don’t you also have school?”

“…”

“Why do you think that?”

“Come on, you don’t look that old”

“Figured you were around my age or at least still in high school”

Lies, she knows his secret identity, but that’s not something she’ll admit.

“Plus it would have been creepy for you to fake being interested in me if you are an adult”

“right”

“Maybe you should become a detective”

“lol its not that deep”

“no, seriously. I think you are the first person to figure this much out”

“usually the magic makes people misremember or doubt my identity”

“its pretty cool that you were able to come close to figuring out my age”

“although I might have to start being more careful”

“ladybug will kill me if you end up figuring out more about me”

Nah, she wouldn’t kill him. Death would be too much of a merciful destiny. If he ever reveals his identity on accident to someone that is not her she’ll do more than just kill him.

“don’t worry, I won’t pry”.

“not much at least, and even if I discover more my lips are sealed”

“I’ll take the secret to my grave if I have to”

“yeah lets not do that for safety”

“Anyways, as you said tomorrow is a school day and I’d rather not be sleepy”

“History is already bad enough”

“Honestly? Same”

“Good night Chat”

“Good night!”