Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It hits them like thunder striking a mountain into half with the sheer force of it. 

Rain pours heavily onto the rocky cliffs surrounding the Cloud Recesses, and its deafening roar is the only sound heard in all of its premises. 

Lan Xichen, Gusu Lan's respected Sect Leader, has passed away. 

How cruel were the whims of fate, robbing the older Twin Jade from them soon after Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji, with their combined effort, had taken care of the grieving wounds inside Zewu-Jun's heart and helped them scar with their constant support and company; enough for the latter to finally be able to step out of his long-prolonged seclusion. The ever quiet air surrounding the Cloud Recesses had livened up a notch with the re-allocated presence of their beloved Sect Leader, who despite still looking worn down after years of lack of sun exposure and proper exercise, looked content and peaceful as he strode around the sect’s vast gardens. Even Lan Qiren had allowed a day fully dedicated to meditation and rest, disguising the joy of having his nephew back as a reward for the juniors’s good results in the last year's competition.  

Soon enough, many invitations had come from numerous, smaller sects that wished to host a private celebration for the recovery of Sect Leader Lan. Reunions like these weren't uncommon, and as per usual, Wei Wuxian abstained from participating in the touring that conformed in both Twin Jades and a couple of trusted disciples, under the pretext of not wishing to participate in these ‘stuffy reunions’ despite claiming how much he’d miss his ‘beloved Er-gege’. 

Of course, the people that knew him the best were aware of it being nothing more than an excuse: none other than Wei Wuxian knew best how his presence was still unwelcome for most sects. Despite the bad rumors surrounding the Yiling Patriarch were slowly, but surely, dying down as others about his happy marriage to the respected Hanguang-jun overtopped them, there was still wariness, distrust and fear in the eyes of some people who saw him pass by in the distance. Lan Xichen had only come out from his seclusion recently, and Wei Wuxian hadn't wished to subject him into possible uncomfortable situations due to his unruly character and his inability to keep quiet. At least, he’d allow both Twin Jades enjoy the first couple of official reunions peacefully without having to worry about his mischiefs for a while.

Who would have possibly thought that a beast of calamity would fall upon them right on one of these gatherings, in such a small and distant town on top of that. The beast's lethal paws and ferocious fangs had wiped out almost half of the whole town, including its unsuspecting visitors. While it was thanks to the Twin Jades that many lives were saved that night, the fallen outnumbered the living by much. And amongst the lives lost that tragic night, the barely re-established Sect Leader's was far the most grieved. The man had valiantly jumped in and saved the life of an injured Lan Wangji for the cost of his own life; a show of true fraternal love, and one that resulted in the younger sibling’s victory against the beast albeit not without a sacrifice. 

It was reasonable that the younger Jade hadn’t come out unscathed against a beast of calamity, no matter how talented nor vast his spiritual power was. Without even being able to attend his brother's funeral due to his heavy injuries, Lan Wangji remained in quarantine in the sect’s medical ward in the hands of the most skilled doctors they could find, still unconscious and fighting for his life. Neither Wei Wuxian nor the still mourning Lan Qiren had been allowed in, warned by the healers that the slightest spiritual disruption in the air could lead the remaining heir of the Gusu Lan sect into qi deviation. Or worse, towards his death.

After full weeks filled with uncertainty and anguish, Wei Wuxian was finally allowed to see his husband. Lan Qiren’s devastated expression should have been enough of a warning to what awaited him inside the room Lan Wangji was in, but alas, the Yiling Patriarch felt his knees almost gave in at the mere sight of what his beloved had become, and tears filled his eyes as the healer’s words echoed solemnly within the room’s walls.

Aside from the numerous fractures that hateful beast had provoked in Lan Wangji, its sharp claws had also reached the beautiful face of his husband, disfiguring it and robbing him of his sight forever. And if that wasn't enough, the overall damage seemed to have spread to his throat, rendering him unable to utter a single sound other than the one of his breathing for the rest of his life. 

“Lan Zhan. My beloved Lan Zhan. Don’t you worry. Don’t you fear.”  Wei Wuxian had whispered between sobs, cadling one of his husbands bandaged hands between his. “Not matter what, I’ll love you. I’ll be your sight. I’ll be your voice. You’ll always be the most beautiful and perfect husband in my eyes, Er-gege. This time, I’ll be the one taking care of you”

The first few weeks after Lan Wangji’s wake had been the hardest for Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji would not even dare to turn towards him at his call, laying motionlessly on his bed in the Jingshi like a broken doll. That didn’t deter Wei Wuxian in the slightest though, no matter how much it hurt him seeing the love of his fade away like that. He could understand somehow, after all, the pain of losing someone that, in Lan Wangji’s case, had been the person he had trusted the most and with whom he shared the same blood running inside his veins. And the heavy guilt he must be feeling, knowing that his only remaining and direct family had sacrificed himself right before his eyes for him to live on, just like his shijie had done for him in the past. 

So, both in honor to Zewu-jun’s sacrifice and the lifetime vow he made towards his ancestors, the heavens and towards his husband, Wei Wuxian does his best to comfort and take care of Lan Wangji every single day, at every single hour. 

He made sure to fill in the silences between them like he had used to numerous times throughout their lives, no matter the lack of an answer in each try.

He washed his husband’s hair and body with the gentlest touch he could muster; he dressed and reapplied the bandages that covered his grotesque wounds, promising that he loved every single one of them because they were part of Lan Wangji. 

He spoon fed the younger and now lonely Jade, making sure that his congee was always the right temperature for him to not choke on, never allowing himself to falter when Lan Wangji would not even open his mouth at the first couple of days. 

He played Wangxian at morning and at night; a version that was softer and calmer than the original, but in which he still poured in all the love he felt towards Lan Wangji nonetheless. 

The juniors also helped him with all his tasks. Lan Sizhui, now much older than the time Wei Wuxian had been brought back into the living, took care of their obligations as teachers with lecturing the younger generations and grading their tests. On the other hand, Lan Jingy took care of the more practical part, having followed Wei Wuxian’s steps more closely, leading the youngins’s night hunts with the expertise that’d make his senior proud. Wen Ning supported the latter during said hunts, making sure that all the disciplines stayed safe while their most reliable teachers weren't around. 

It took a long time, but their combined efforts finally seemed to show as, little by little, Lan Wangji started to incorporate back into his obligations and regained his will to strive forward. Slowly, he began to sit up on his own and fed himself without the help of anyone. Thanks to his high cultivation, his wounds healed quickly and it wasn't hard for him to eventually be able to walk without Wei Wuxian’s constant presence and steady hands, ready to reach out in case his husband tumbled over or met an obstacle. 

He’d never be able to grade papers or give lectures anymore, but as he grew accustomed to his blindness, Lan Wangji was soon able to participate in night hunts again as well, first under Wei Wuxian, Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi’s worried watch. But it became evident to them that no matter what ailment dared to hinder their Hanguang-jun, the later was talented and experienced enough to not allow them dull his movements and the sharpness of Bichen as he slashed into the fierce corpses. Sometimes, though, he’d still act disoriented, fumbling on his step when a junior addressed him or whenever Wei Wuxian leaned onto his side, wrapping his fingers around his, but it was to be expected. After all, he must be all the more sensitive to sounds than he used to with all of his senses still intact. 

There was a detail that saddened Wei Wuxian, and it was how scarce their touching and overall intimate interactions had become even after his husband’s physical recovery. If he knew any better, he’d guess it was either the mourning that still preoccupied Lan Wangji’s mind that didn’t allow any space for lust, or the fact that, just maybe, he was worried that Wei Wuxian wouldn’t love him anymore with the scars that remained on his body after the tragedy. The former Yiling Patriarch cursed himself and his insufferable mouth, having proclaimed his admiration at Lan Wangji’s beautiful and jade-like face out loud so many times that, maybe, he had made his husband self-conscious about it.

Regardless, it was only a matter of time until his restrained loneliness exploded, many nights after. The insecurity and anxiety that resulted from the lack of any sort of show of affection from Lan Wangji had admittedly made Wei Wuxian’s patience run thin, and he had reached a point where he just couldn’t keep smiling and think everything would be alright if he waited more. Worse, he feared that Lan Wangji resented him from not accompanying him and his older brother in that fateful night, as his presence might have resulted in a victory without the heavy loses the original events that transcurred had ended up with. If he had been more shameless or insistent, maybe… maybe they’d have saved themselves from all this suffering and pain.

“Lan Zhan. Er-gege. Do you hate me? Don’t you love me anymore? Has this husband failed you in any way?” 

Wei Wuxian hates himself for how his voice trembles as he asks; for showing this kind of weakness when Lan Wangji surely is suffering more than him. But it’s because it’s Lan Wangji that he can show him this vulnerable, pathetic side of him. The trust and love he felt for the man was so vast as the ocean and the open skies, rendering his heart bare and yearning for a single, reassuring touch from him. 

“Please. Please. I miss you, Lan Zhan. I miss your eyes. I miss your voice. Don’t make me miss your touch as well.”

And as if the heavens had answered his prayers, he feels a warm palm reach for his cheeks. The movement seems unsure at first, but as Wei Wuxian leans into it and more hot tears fall from his lashes, it becomes firm and determined. Wei Wuxian can’t help but to seek for his husband’s lips, savoring the sensation as he surrounds his neck and pulls him closer to never let go. He won’t be ever able to read Lan Wangji’s emotions again through the golden orbs he had loved and still does despite their eternal absence, but Lan Wangji’s body.. It never lied. 

They made love that night; and it felt that it was their first time all over again with Lan Wangji’s blind fumbling and rigid movements. But Wei Wuxian never tired from peppering kisses to his forehead and brows, holding the white ribbon with the cloud motif he pulled from around the other’s head close to his heart as he whispered encouraging words and proclamations of love. 

And so they did the next night; and the next. By taking baby steps, Wei Wuxian’s husband slowly returned to what he used to be prior to the death of Lan Xichen, seeming finally able to move on from the loss that had weighed his heart so heavily. Wei Wuxian and the juniors including Jin Ling, and even Lan Qiren, seemed to be content and relieved to see the more familiar semblance of their husband, role model and nephew, respectively. 

Thus, months pass and their lives settle into tranquility and fulfillment, with the company of their loved ones and the peace that now reigns in the cultivation world. The old wounds might never fade, but they will strive towards the future and happiness, together. That’s what Wei Wuxian believes, as he cuddles against his sleeping husband’s embrace, playing with his long, elegants hands after another round of intense love making while humming their song contently. 

Then, something makes Wei Wuxian’s breath come to a stop. His eyes scan the hand between his fingers one more time. Then two; and three. And so on, until his eyes are widened so much that nothing could hide the look of utter horror that’s reflected in them as he comes into a realization.

Ever since his match against that calamity beast, Lan Wangji hadn’t grabbed his guqin once, even after it was restored from being destroyed into pieces during the fight. No one, including Wei Wuxian no matter how much he missed dueting with his husband, had questioned themselves about this; in the first place, Lan Wangji was perfectly capable of fighting with Bichen alone, never having the necessity of playing Inquiry when the juniors could take over the job while he overseed the task.

Wei Wuxian’s trembling fingers reach forward to touch the perfect, smooth surface of all those fingertips. He had grown so accustomed to the scent of medicinal herbs surrounding the man that, somehow, he had forgotten about Lan Wangji's distinct sandalwood aroma he'd become fixated with was no longer there.

The hand Wei Wuxian holds is completely void of any calluses.

Chapter Text

“Lan Zhan, could.. Could we have a talk?”

From his seat at his desk, Lan Wangji tilts his head towards the source of the voice, nodding wordlessly as he gathered blank scrolls and prepared his brush to Wei Wuxian’s inquiry without the slightest hesitation.

Wei Wuxian stares at the man, feeling numbness spread between all of his extremities as he took in the sight. Was he being overly paranoid? How could this man, with a posture so serene and elegant despite the bandages that now only covered his eyes, and so ready to fulfill any request he had no matter how small, be any other than his beloved husband? The other had practiced for whole days and nights under Lan Qiren’s tutelage until his brush strokes looked perfect and clear even though he couldn’t look at the result himself; all in order to communicate with Wei Wuxian as sign language was harder to adopt unless everyone around them learned.

He sits in front of the Lan heir, wordlessly at first, eyes searching anywhere for any sign that could tell him that he was not missing a screw in his head. There was nothing, and another tilt coming from Lan Wangji had him chuckle shakily as he adopted his usual tone that hopefully betrayed nothing.

“These days, I've been reminiscing, you know. About the past, and about everything that happened ever since Mo Xuanyu summoned me into this body.”

Wei Wuxian studies at Lan Wangji again with slightly narrowed eyes, fists tightened into tight rocks as the other gave a small nod, and continued. “They sure were good times. Weren’t they, Er-gege? Do you remember our little date at Yunmeng, right after that second siege on Burial Mounds?”

There’s another nod again, and he watches the brush in Lan Wangji’s hand move. “I would never forget.”

Wei Wuxian purses his lips slightly. “Ahaha, neither would I! But maybe, who knows, my husband is just as forgetful as me. Do you even remember what we ate that night?”

The air stills slightly between them after he drops the question. Fear and nervousness prick Wei Wuxian’s neck at the silence, dread already forming when, suddenly, the brush moves again.

“Yes. You ate three pies, and I myself ate one. They were good.”  

Wei Wuxian feels a sudden weight lifted from his shoulders, but he tries to keep his composure. “Sure they were! Even though I paid for them, Er-gege wouldn’t relent that I bought more for him!”

With his heartbeats pounding loudly in his ears, Wei Wuxian closes his eyes for a second, breathing in deeply before he opened them again and read the fine row of calligraphy coming from Lan Wangji’s strokes.

“If Wei Ying had truly paid himself, I wouldn’t have denied the invitation.” 

Relief washes in instantly inside Wei Wuxian at the words, while also feeling incredibly stupid as well. 

“As expected as Hanguang-jun! You sure have an impeccable memory, unlike your poor husband!”

Just what was he thinking? That someone, something had replaced his beloved husband? So what if he didn’t smell exactly as he remembered. Lan Wangji didn’t carry that scent in his younger days, after all. It might be that it’s been a while since they burned the rich incense, having been more focused in his husband’s complete recovery and such. And about the calluses? Of course they could fade after not playing for so long. Indeed the ones Wei Wuxian remembered felt rough and permanent, but it might have been only due to Lan Wangji’s constant practicing and use of his guqin.

 But.. but just to make sure…

“I thought you’d forget, really. You don’t even play me our song nowadays. Have you gotten tired of your Xianxian, already?”

A soft sigh escapes Lan Wangji, who writes something again before he stands up. “My apologies. I was simply afraid I’d play it wrong in this state. Wait here.”

Wei Wuxian looks at him with wide eyes, guilt swimming in his eyes as he realized how cruel his question might have been and, even more so, how despicable he was for suspecting his husband the slightest bit. 

Hadn’t he promised to never cause pain to this man? How could he dare suspect him, when he did his best to be the closest to what he used to be just to make Wei Wuxian happy?

Despite Lan Wangji’s earlier claim, the clear sounds that come from the guqin at the first few plucks its subjected into from the elegants hands on top of them, there’s no doubt in Wei Wuxian’s heart. 

The love; the longing. It was still exactly the same as he remembered, if not even gentler and more careful. None other than his husband would know how to play it fully like this. No evil spirit possessing nor doppelganger would be able to emulate the distinct yearning he felt coming from each note. 

Wei Wuxian joins in joyfully with Chenqing eventually, their song enveloping the Jingshi with a melody that it had grown accustomed to for years. 

More than one disciple stops in their tracks as they hear the melody at the distance, smiling to themselves and feeling glad that everything is finally back to normal. 

It’s a few hours before dawn when Lan Wanji wakes up, feeling the comfortable weight of Wei Wuxian’s head lying on top of his chest. He reaches towards his husband’s face with practiced ease despite his blindness, stroking his forehead gently.

“Hm.. lemme’ sleep a lil’ longer, er-gege..”

His fingers stop their caressing and, carefully, he untangles Wei Wuxian’s warm limbs from him, earning a small protest but ultimately succeeding at his task. Lan Wangji reaches for their blanket and pulls it upwards to tuck his husband in snuggly, brushing his bangs one last time before he got up and slid his robes on at a calm pace.

The day is still quiet of the birds’s chirping as Lan Wangji strides along the numerous corridors that connected his Jingshi with the sect’s main and empty halls. His robes billow behind him, discreet and elegant, as he makes a turn and walks into the Ancestors hall. Then, he pulls a couple of talismans from his sleeve, sending each one to each corner in the hall and thus rendering the hall unbreachable to anyone but him.

Having that job done, he steps forward until he reaches the altar that still looks fairly recent, kneeling on top of the pillows solemnly before he ignites three incense sticks and pays respects to the deceased properly.

“..It’s been a year, brother. I apologize for waiting until your anniversary. The first few months were harsher than I expected. I really couldn't bring myself to wrap the idea of you being gone for good around my head. Not until recently.”

His voice is raspy from misuse, causing him a small coughing fit that leaves his throat burning and hoarse. 

“You must be wondering how everyone is faring. Uncle is still sad, but he’s moved forward. The juniors are growing well, the rabbits are still safe and being taken care of in the hill. And..”

Lan Wangji tilts his head upwards, opening his eyes to reveal a pair of dull, golden colored eyes. 

“Young master Wei is also doing well, "

"Wanji.”

The temible beast roars vociferously, its thirst of blood having not been queenched yet despite the pool of fresh blood forming from the drippings that clung to its maws. 

Both Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji are panting heavily from over-exertion, sweat dripping from their skin and their clothes far from their usual pristine white and instead matted with blood and mud. They separate from time to time, one distracting the beast while the other rescues the few survivors who are unable to move due to their injuries or their traumatized minds that still couldn’t catch on the fact their family and friends were all gone in the blink of a second.

 “He’s really bright and sharp; young master Wei, that is. I assure you I’ve done my best to not let anything amiss, yet he still managed to catch onto something it seems. I wonder if you ever told him that you’ve told me everything regarding him in detail, including all the moments you have shared together, while I was still in seclusion. I’m glad you didn’t. Ah, he also requested me to play your song. How lucky I am that you played it everyday at night for thirdteen years for me to memorize.”

His long-term seclusion had done its job in dulling his senses and spiritual power all together. It was clear that he was reaching his limit, no longer able to hold Shuoyue steadily in his hand as he grasped for the air that his lungs screamed at him for. 

It’s only him and his little brother there, having provided enough time for the survivors to seek shelter in the forest while they kept the ferocious beast attention on them.

“Wangji, you must go.” He had said, ignoring the shock in the eyes he could read so well unlike others. Really, they did not know how much his little brother was capable of feeling outside his usual impassive expression. “I’m ashamed to say I’ve ran out of spiritual energy, and I’m sure you’re also reaching your limit. At this rate, we’ll both perish.”

“No!” 

“It’s an order from your Sect Leader, Lan Wangji.”

“...!”

The pained look that the other gives him is comforting, at the very least. Lan Wangji was the perfect disciple their Uncle had raised, after all, if not just a little more lenient now after living a happy married life for a couple of years.

“You have people waiting for you. He’s waiting for you, Wangji. ” Lan Xichen smiles at the hesitation in his brother’s equally golden eyes at his words. He wishes he could say more, how much Wanji means to him as his precious, little brother, but there’s no time for more sentimentalism, seeing the attack stance the beast was adopting at that moment, and Lan Xichen gives him one last look full of fondness. “Thank you for everything, Wangji. And, please, send my thanks to young master Wei as well.” 

Lan Xichen had bought Liebing to his mouth then, dashing forward as he played a shrill tune that had the beast cry in fury as it attacked his sensitive hearing. He sees the beast close in faster than he’s able to run, and believing that Lan Wangji would listen to his last advice as his older brother and sect leader. 

“I never realised until after everything happened. He loves you so much, Wangji. Maybe just as much as you loved him. Maybe even more.”

He had been such a fool to think that Lan Wangji would listen to him.

“Oh no, oh no, please. Wanji, what have you done!”

Lan Xichen’s eyes burned with hot tears cascading down his cheeks, hands holding desperately to the limp body in his arms. 

His foolish little brother. So unreasonable that he wouldn’t respect Lan Xichen’s dying wish to protect the only person besides his Uncle that were left in his life to care for.

Lan Xichen had already closed his eyes to resign to the fate that awaited him after all his sins he had committed, blindly trusting a man that he had trusted and treated like a brother that had ruined thousands of lives for his schemes; not to mention the person most important to his only direct family.

He hadn’t expected to hear a pained screech coming from the beast too far away for his liking, opening his eyes to see it succumb to its death with Bichen deeply impaled into its throat, though not without dragging the man it had managed to drill a hole into with its teeth down with it.

“Wangji, don’t you worry. It’s going to be alright.” Lan Xichen poured what little spiritual power he had left into his brother’s meridian desperately, fully knowing that it was all for naught. The beat’s fang had perforated his left lung, barely missing his heart yet equally fatal. “It’s going to be alright! Just hang on a bit, help will come! Please, Wangji!”

The Gusu Lan’s sect leader leaned his forehead to rest on top of his brother’s with uncontrolled sobs. How many times he had held his little brother’s body when he was still a baby, amazed with how warm and light he was. He had never once imagined having to hold him after so many years while said warmth was leaving his body at a fatal rate. 

He knew it. The help wouldn’t come in time. And surely, Lan Wangji knew that as well.

“..B-..bro..ther..” Lan Xichen nods to his little brother’s call, holding his hand as tightly as he could as if hoping it would force his soul to stay as well. “N-..not..your fault…”

“Don’t talk, Wanji. Don’t force yourself.”  Lan Xichen pleads, his tears wetting Lan Wangji’s pale face with crystalline streaks.

More blood dribbles from the younger Jade’s lips, but it doesn’t deter him from continuing. “..W-..Wei...Ying.. …...T-..take care of..him, b-..brother..”

“No. No, Wangji. You take care of him yourself. You have to! Didn’t you finally reach the end you wanted? Didn’t you work hard for his affections, Wanji?!”

“P-..promise m-...me, b-..brother.. …. Plea..se,….d-...da-gege..”    

Lan Xichen feels himself freeze at the pronoun, looking directly into the half lidded orbs that looked back at him expectantly. Lan Wangji had long stopped calling him like that, ever since he had realized that their mother would never open the door to her cottage from them again for all eternity.

He bites down hard on his lips, eyebrows furrowed so deeply that probably the marks would never fade away. “I promise, didi. I will take good care of young master Wei, Lan Yuan and all of your dear rabbits. So.. don’t worry.” Lan Xichen inhales shakily, nuzzling his forehead against the other’s. “--Rest assured. Your gege will keep you company until you fall asleep.”

“...” The corners of Lan Wangji’s lips curl upwards ever so slightly as he mouths a few silent words, eyelids falling slowly until his heartbeats come to a stop and the golden of his irises are forever hidden for the rest of the world.  

Lan Xichen keeps holding Lan Wangji’s lifeless body in the gentlest hold, rocking his body lightly like he used to when it was his turn to watch over his baby brother’s sleep. 

And regardless of how the broken sobs that shook his shoulders are nothing short of loud, Lan Xichen knows that he’ll never see his brother awake ever again.

“You were so loved. You should have seen it, Wanji, how arduously they worked just so they could see you back into health. There’s so many people that you loved and loved you in return that you left behind for my sake, Wanji. How could you ever think it was worth it, didi?”

It’s not until several minutes have passed that Lan Xichen finally lets go of the strong clutch he still had on the corpse in his arms. He engraves the details of his brother’s features into his memories one last time before he pulled their sect’s sacred band from the other’s forehead and replaced it with his own, as well as their destroyed c lothes. 

Countless of whispers of reassurance and apologies are whispered for only them to hear as he finishes his job, placing both Liebing and Shuoyue on both of his little brother’s sides as he smiles brokenly at the sight.

“Please protect him on his way so that he can find the correct path easily, Shuoyue. Liebing.” 

Their weapons seem to shake in response, and Lan Xichen brushes the stray strands that come off the unusual hairstyle that he had set on Lan Wangji. It was shocking that, despite their age difference, only a change of clothes and hairstyles were enough for them to look identical to each other. Truly now, the name “Twin Jades” had always been a fitting name in that regards. 

“I swear on my life that you sacrificed yours for, that regardless of how many people I’ve made unhappy with this existence of mine, I will make sure young master Wei is never included in those. Or, at the very least, I’ll make it so that he will never feel the loss of his loved one. Mark my words, Wanji.”

He breathes in and grabs one of the claws that he had cut from the murderer of his brother, pointing the sharp end directly towards his own face.

“I have done my best, Wanji. Please believe that I truly have.”

Yet.

The tears that he hadn’t shed since the day he threw his own identity away in order to replace his brother prickle the corners of his blind eyes. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry.”

It hadn’t been his intention to overstep his boundaries with this farce. It hadn’t been his intention to relish in Wei Wuxian’s love despite it wasn’t even directed at him but at the person he was playing at. 

It hadn’t been his intention to have these sinful feelings inside his chest towards his dead brother’s lover, having been nurtured to the point of no return as each one of Wei Wuxian’s kind words and caring touches throughout the months that followed his little brother’s death so full of love had bought solace to the loneliness and hurt in Lan Xichen’s heart even if none of them were his to accept. It was too late when those soft lips had brushed against his, desperate for the comfort that Lan Xichen could offer even if it was all a delusion; the most horrible lie he's ever told.

He had feared, the moment his fingers touched the brand-new guqin's strings, if him being an impostor would be revealed the moment he plucked the strings. But he's a hopeless Lan just as his little brother had been, having the same blood running in their veins at the end of the day, and surely his yearning towards Wei Wuxian as someone that was forever uttainable for him mirrored the feelings for which Lan Wangji had initially composed this song.

In the end, this was also part of his penance; a situation a thousand times more hateful, pitiable and cruel than those years he spent in seclusion: 

Forced to live the existence of his little brother until the end of his days, knowing fully that Wei Wuxian would always and only belong to Lan Wangji, Lan Xichen would never, ever allow it otherwise. 

After a long silence, Lan Xichen glances towards the window. The light outside warns him that his time is up, and so the only hour in which he’s selfishly allowed to be ‘Lan Xichen’ comes to an end.

He bows towards the altar one more last time, then his posture shifts and his shoulders straighten up, the expression in his face turning as cold and impassive as marble combined with jade with practiced ease.

‘Lan Wangji’ stands up, lips pursed indifinitely, not looking back once as he closes the door behind him and the silence befalls upon the Ancestral hall.

'Until next year'.