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Welcome to Sam’s Kitchen! ;)
In honor of National Salad Month, we’re going to be making – you guessed it – salad!
Today we’re going to be cooking for a family of seven!
Ingredients:
- Romaine Lettuce (5 pounds)
- Cheese (1 pound) – use a variety of cheeses such as Parmesan, feta, Gorgonzola, and cheddar!
- 5 tomatoes
- ½ pound of bacon
- 10 carrots
- 5 cucumbers
- Spinach (2 pounds)
- Diced chicken or turkey (1 pound)
- 1 onion
- ½ pound croutons
- ¼ mushrooms
- 4 red bell peppers
- 4 green bell peppers
- 3 avocados
- ½ pound red olives
- ¼ pound green olives
- ½ pound nuts – again, use a variety!
- ½ pound sunflower seeds
- 2 apples
- ½ pound grilled steak
- 1 jar of artichoke hearts
- 3-5 radishes
- 2 pounds of kale
Because we’re cooking for such a large family, it’s a good idea to have a variety of dressings available to suit everyone’s asinine varied tastes.
Dressing ideas:
- Classic Balsamic
- Ranch
- Italian
- French
- Russian
- Blue Cheese
- Thousand Island
Pro Tips:
- It’s always a good idea to inform the Head of Household of your intents so they can enforce your month-long salad holiday. (Thank... Would it be inappropriate or strangely fitting to thank God for Michael?)
- If you have a stupid lover who only wants to eat candy, remember that bribery exists for a reason.
- If you have a stupid brother who refuses to eat anything but trans fats, disguise the green under a healthy dose of bacon dressing.
- If your stupid brother has an equally stupid lover, promise to let him watch you have sex later on.
That’s it for today’s edition of Sam’s Kitchen. Remember to eat healthy, everyone!
***
“So basically it’s a bowl of a little lettuce and a lot of everything else that you’re calling ‘salad’?” Lucifer asks as he pokes the rainbow of foods on his plate.
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“...”
“Shut up.”