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”Now tell me what to do with it.”
“Help me.”
McCoy pulled away from the Vulcan, sitting back on the chair by the bed. He was so lost without Spock, without his guidance. It was hard for him to admit it, but he really needed Spock. He needed him more than he had realized… His tired eyes turned to look down as he gave a soft sigh. Bones turned his face towards Spock, rolling words in his mind for a moment.
“I am going to tell you something, that I… never thought I’d ever hear myself say.”
McCoy took a breath and started again: “But it seems I’ve missed you.” He didn’t hear when the captain stepped in the room, keeping his voice down as he listened to what Bones had to say. He stopped about 2 meters away from the pair, taking a hold of his hand and bringing his arms in front of him.
“And I don’t know if I could…” Bones continued, but stopped. Kirk was able to hear a muffled sob. McCoy lifted a hand on his mouth and closed his eyes for a moment. Jim would’ve wanted to walk behind him and wrap his arms around the man, but he couldn’t bear himself to do it when McCoy was having such a moment. This was one of the very rare moments Bones showed his soft side and let his emotions take over. In that way, he was a bit like Spock.
Bones took a deep breath and let out a shivering sigh. He continued then, silently and with a small sob in his tone: “-If I could… stand to lose you again…” Bones spoke with a bit silent and maybe hesitating words. It was odd to hear himself say those words. He wasn’t sure if he heard right what he had just said.
McCoy looked at the Vulcan, who slept very peacefully. Bones bit his lip and swallowed the sob, he wouldn’t cry in front of Spock, even if the Vulcan didn’t know what was happening around him. McCoy stood up, and when Kirk was about to approach him, he stopped when he realized what was happening. McCoy leaned down above Spock and locked his lips softly and briefly with the Vulcan’s own.
Kirk let out a soft sigh, a small, sad smile appearing on his lips. McCoy pulled his lips from Spock’s, but he kept close. He was able to feel the Vulcan’s breath on his face, and it gave him some hope. Kirk approached him then, placing his other hand on Bones’ outer shoulder and the other on Spock’s hand. Bones pulled slightly further from Spock and turned to look at Jim.
“I am worried as well”, spoke Jim with a warm, soft voice of his. Bones felt his eyes gather tears, but he did his best to stop them from dropping. He looked into Kirk’s eyes, the captain giving a small stroke on the medical officer’s shoulder.
“Jim… I…” Bones started silently, lowering his eyes for a moment. He didn’t know what to say so he just returned his eyes back to look into Kirk’s.
“I’m here for you”, Kirk said, and that was it. McCoy lowered his head down on Spock’s chest and cried, silently, but he cried. He held Spock’s clothing tightly, and Kirk felt how McCoy’s shoulders twitched as he cried. The Captain moved closer to Bones and wrapped his arm better around him, leaning to place a kiss on his head and next to his ear. McCoy moved his arm around Kirk’s back and took a tight hold of his jacket.
“You’ll never tell Spock I cried like this or you’ll wish you didn’t love me”, was heard Bones’ miserable and rasping voice. Kirk couldn’t help a small smile.
“He’ll never know”, Kirk answered him and snuggled into his hair softly.
“… He loves you too, Bones. We both do.”