Work Text:
An old man in a nice suit was throne up against the door of an elevator. Gunshots rung out behind him and as he painfully lifted himself to his feet and fought against the rope around him someone grabbed him from behind “Oh no you don’t buddy”
The hand then thrusted him roughly back into the same door and holding him there. The man attached to the hand pulled a gun from his belt and fired down the hallway from where he’d come from making sure not to hit his partner who was lagging behind. “Barton, and I totally mean to rush you when I say this, hurry up!”
A few feet behind him Clint Barton ran towards the same elevator. The gunfire continued and Clint continued to sprint down the hallway while moving from side to side, his partners shooting wasn’t helping the situation much though. “Going as fast as I can Wade, call the damn elevator!”
Wade rolled his eyes and tapped the bottom of his gun against the call button, then turned to see that he had missed it “That’s embarrassing.”
Clint had now reached into the quiver on his back and pulled an arrow, turning on his heels to face the five well dressed Japanese men with blades and guns. He let it loose aiming for the floor in front of them; the arrow embedded itself in the floor and immediately exploded letting loose and thick cloud of smoke. Clint gave himself a moment to breath and admire his work then quickly turned back towards Wade at the end of the hall. By now he and their captive were waiting in the open elevator, Clint stepped in and hit the button for the car park. The small display on the wall read ‘100’ and dinged.
As the doors closed Clint leaned against the wall and slid too the floor next to the well-dressed man “Uh, is he okay?”
Wade looked down at the man for half a second then back up at the little display counting down “He’s being dramatic, wake up dummy” he said kicking the man slightly. The man’s eyes slowly fluttered open to see he was in a small room with his captors, he began to scream through the gag over his mouth “Terrific, now he’s doing that.”
“It’s better than him being dead.”
“At this point I don’t care.”
“That’s a bit harsh.”
“You wanna tell that to the back of my suit?!” Wade lifted himself off the wall he was leaning against leaving a few speckles of blood and turned away from Barton, still slouched on the ground. The back of his red and black suit was full of cuts and holes from gunshots and blades. Clint stared for a bit then shrugged his shoulders “Could be worse.”
“That’s not the point, now I have to go home and spend three hours fixing it; me, not you and certainly not chucklefuck over here.”
“I’m surprised you’re not used to fixing up your suits.”
“I mean I am, but this wasn’t part of the plan tonight.”
Clint laughed a little “There was supposed to be a plan tonight?”
“Yeah, this whole night has been like, two weeks in the making.”
Wade began to pace around the elevator moving his hands around frantically “I got the job to track this putz and his boys around the city, find out what they were up to; I corner them here in the office building after dark, I kidnap the boss and bring him down to my car in the parking garage then I deliver him and get paid.”
“Seems like it’s going well so far.”
“Except for the part where they stab me, this isn’t my stabby suit.” Wade then stopped and turned to the man in rope and began to kick him in frustration “Would it kill you to invest in brass knuckles or something.” With a large exhale Wade slammed himself back up against the wall then slid down to where Clint and their hostage were. He glanced up at the sign only to see they were halfway to the car park.
For a second the three sat in silence until Clint turned to Wade “You have a suit specifically for knife attacks?”
“Yeah, different material, only it’s heavier so I don’t wear it by default.”
“That seems unnecessary.”
“So does that Spencer's gifts store on your back.”
“Are you really going to dig on the arrows, everyone has taken a dig on the arrows already.”
“Well they were probably right; I mean what’s wrong with a regular arrow?”
“This is more useful, it’s situational.”
“You fire it, it hurts the guy, if you’re not feeling like a pussy maybe it even kills him.”
“But what happens when you don’t need to just hurt someone?”
“Clint, when do we not need to hurt someone?”
“What about the guy sitting right between us tied up in one of my rope arrows.”
“I could have brought rope!”
“Really, was rope part of the plan?!”
Wade crossed his arms and turned away from Clint “You don’t even label them or anything.”
“I don’t need to; I know what’s in my own quiver.”
“So, you don’t pack it depending on a mission or something?”
“Do you know how much god damn time it would take to figure out what arrows I need for every situation?”
“Well what if Ultron shows up on the front lawn of the mansion or something and he’s got new tricks?”
“Ultron doesn’t usually just show up.”
“Fine Taskmaster, Stilt-man, fucking Paste Pot Pete, whoever!”
“I’d just adapt.”
“Bullshit, you’d get cornered and your friends would pick up the slack for you.”
“The point of a team is that you work together, so yeah they’re my adaptation.”
“Then why don’t you have a cellphone arrow to call someone to save your dumbass?”
For the rest of the ride the three of them sat on the floor in silence till a ding signaled their arrival. Before the doors had even opened the captive tried to scurry to his feet only for Clint to force him back down while he and Wade stood up and stretched a bit “So, does your plan account for there being guys outside that door?”
“Shut up, this elevator is the only way down here. All we have to do is get to my perfectly placed black SUV, it’s all tricked out with bullet proof windows and everything.”
Before Clint could respond Wade stepped forward tossing something over his shoulder “Here, I’ll even let you drive.”
The doors dinged open and Wade looked out at a sea of identical black SUVs Clint stepped forward and placed an arm on his shoulder and sighed “So what do you think all the guys upstairs drove here Wade?”
Clint gave his shoulder two solid pats and lifted the keys “Cheer up, at least your plan involved car keys.” He gave a button on the keys and click and immediately one of the SUVs exploded into flames launching it into the air onto its side. Clint’s arm slumped off Wade’s shoulder and his other hand dropped the keys. Wade scratched the little dewlap on the back of his mask “Yeah I may have also had an ignition bomb installed in the car.”
“Why the hell did you give me the keys then?’
“For you to drive, not fuck our escape!”
Before both of them could start up another argument the tied-up man ran past them screaming through his gag. Clint took his bow and reached for an arrow tipped with a small taser. He fired and hit the man square in the back sending him face first into the concrete “Oh wow look, I used my arrows to stop him without killing him or something.”
Wade immediately took one of the guns off his belt and fired four shots into the unconscious man “Looks like you shocked him a bit too hard there Barton.”
Both men then turned and began walking towards one of the SUVs, both got in without a word and began to drive out of the car park. Clint perked up as they left and turned to Wade in the driver’s seat “So now what?”
“Now I send a sincere letter of apology to my employer and go home and cry.”
“You wanna stop for a pizza first?”
“Sure.”