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“Carlos, are you awake?” Lando whispered, cuddling a little closer to where his teammate was sprawled next to him on the bed. Carlos’s breathing hitched slightly, but he did not wake up. Lando hummed and pursed his lips a little, but settled for running his fingers over Carlos’s beautiful face.
Compared to Lando himself, Carlos was almost a god. Handsome, kind, confident and just pure perfection.
Yet somehow, Carlos had chosen him, a small English boy with freckles, who hid his insecurities under a mask of giggling innocence, to be his boyfriend.
From the lingering touches whenever Carlos saw him, to the first time they kissed to the first time they fought, every single moment had been etched into Lando’s memory, and into his heart.
Carlos had been kind to him, patient as Lando struggled slightly to adjust to being in a relationship. It was all so new to Lando, and he wanted desperately to do it right. Carlos deserved it.
Yet despite the newness of it all, Lando still found it easy to love Carlos. He had never been more comfortable around someone, had never been able to sleep as soundly as he had slept in Carlos’s arms. Carlos was probably the most perfect boyfriend in the world, and he proved that to Lando every day they were together.
But Lando was also scared.
Scared that one day the excitement and novelty of it all would wear off and Carlos would realise what Lando truly was. A young, insecure boy who will curl up on anyone’s lap after enough approval and coaxing. Dependant, awkward, and nothing interesting to someone as perfect as Carlos.
Carlos was way out of Lando’s league and Lando knew it. He just chose to enjoy it while it lasted.
Carlos let out a deep breath and rolled away from Lando, curling onto his other side with one arm hanging off the bed. Lando sighed, reaching out to press his palm against Carlos’s back and feel the warm, bare skin under his hand.
He felt like an idiot for letting himself fall in love with this beautiful man, mentally slapped himself for holding on the slightest sliver of hope of Carlos truly caring as strongly about him as he did about the Spaniard. But it was no use. He was head over heels for Carlos, and those feelings weren’t going to lessen anytime soon. And it would be sooner, rather than later, that Carlos would get sick of him and find someone bettter. He was sure of it.
Lando removed his palm from Carlos’s back and quietly got up. He shrugged one of Carlos’s hoodies over his lithe frame before heading out onto the balcony to look out over Monza. After all the excitement off the weekend, the city had quieted down again, although Lando could still see some light in the distance, signalling he wasn’t the only one awake at this hour.
Lando was unsure how long he stood outside. Normally, watching a city below him was calming, and would render him comfortably sleepy in minutes, but this time the anxiousness in his chest only curled tighter around his heart.
“Lando…” a soft voice called, combined with a gentle patter of feet against the cool stones. Lando sighed as he felt Carlos press up against his back, two strong arms encircling his waist to pull him back into Carlos’s chest. Lando closed his eyes and stayed silent.
“You were gone why I woke up.” Carlos muttered. “I missed you.” Lando told himself not to care about the gentle words but his heart still leaped. Again he didn’t speak, but he settled for placing his hand over Carlos to link their fingers together.
“Why can’t you sleep, mi vida? Did I snore again?” Carlos tried, clearly hoping Lando would either come back to bed or tell him what,was wrong. Lando still refused to do either. He silently continued to look at the city, mindlessly running his fingers over Carlos’s arm. Carlos took a deep breath and leaned in to press a kiss just below Lando’s ear.
“It’s okay if you want to be alone for a while, I’ll be in bed if you want to talk.” He whispered gently. Lando shuddered and gripped Carlos’s wrist tightly.
“Don’t leave me.” He blurted out, his voice hoarse. He felt Carlos exhale sharply against his cheek, before the Spaniard gently wrestled him around in his arms so they stood chest to chest.
“Lando…” Carlos muttered softly. Lando made an embarrassed noise and hid his face in the crook of Carlos’s neck, his heartbeat quickening in anxiousness. Carlos’s arms were around him once more as Carlos stroked his hair, lips brushing against Lando’s temple.
“What is bothering you so much?” Carlos whispered, nuzzling Lando’s cheek. Lando lifted his head a little,struggling to bring his eyes up to meet Carlos’s.
“You are going to get sick of me.” He whispered brokenly. Carlos’s brow furrowed and his mouth opened and closed a few times in confusion.
“Get sick of you? Why?” he asked. Lando tried to push out of Carlos’s hold but Carlos only held him tighter. Lando bit his lip strongly to keep it from trembling and averted his eyes again. He huffed as Carlos’s lips pressed over his quite forcefully, but quickly found himself lost in the kiss.
“Te amo.” Carlos whispered strongly as he pulled away. Lando’s Spanish vocabulary might be practically non existent, be he knew what those two words meant.
“Do you really?” He found himself asking in a small voice. Carlos chuckled ever so softly, fingers dragging through Lando’s hair.
“With all my heart.” He whispered, before taking a step back and taking Lando’s hand in his, slowly leading him to the door.. “Now, come back to bed, it’s freezing out here and I need you in my arms.”
Lando didn’t realise how cold he had gotten until Carlos closed the balcony door behind them. With a soft kiss to Lando’s forehead, Carlos unzipped the hoode from around Lando’s frame and pushed it off.
Lando meekly let the Spaniard push him in direction of the bed, and only truly relaxed when Carlos got in under the covers as well and pulled him close. They fit well together, Lando’s head tucked just below Carlos’s chin so he could press his face against Carlos’s collarbone as Carlos’s strong arms wrapped around his back and shoulders.
“Are you still awake?” Lando whispered after a long moment. Carlos let out a sleepy sound but nodded.
“Si.” He mumbled this time around. Lando brushed his fingers over the light dusting of hair of Carlos’s chest until he could press his hand right over the man’s heart.
“Did you really mean it?” Lando whispered. He couldn’t help but distrust Carlos’s words. Carlos sighed ever so softly, his warm breath brushing over Lando’s face.
“Yes.” He answered simply, but his eyes were honest and open and full of emotion. Lando quickly brought up a corner of the blanket to hide his own teary eyes, but Carlos stopped him.
“You can cry, I won’t ever judge you for crying.” The Spaniard whispered, his lips pressing over the lone tear that ran down Lando’s cheek. Lando let out a muffled sob, before urgently leaning in to kiss Carlos, his Carlos.
“I love you too.” He whispered against his teammate’s soft lips. He felt Carlos smile.
“I know.” He answered softly, gathering the still sniffling Brit against his chest. Lando sighed and closed his eyes, feeling himself relax as Carlos’s fingers rubbed small circles on the back of his shoulder.
“Sleep, mi corazón “ Carlos whispered, pressing a lingering kiss to Lando’s forehead. Lando smiled and held the Spaniard a little tighter, before drifting off into a dreamless sleep.