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He had to do it. It was now or never. Things were getting intense and Keith was starting to worry that he was going to lose Shiro all over again and if he didn’t tell him then he would regret it for the rest of his life.
“I… I really like you, Shiro… Like… A lot.” Keith said, while avoiding eye contact by directing his gaze towards the floor.
Shiro’s eyes widened at the confession then softened as he smiled. “I like you too, Keith, it’s just that…” He hesitated as Keith raised his head to look at him. “I just don’t think it’s a very good idea to start a relationship with everything that’s been going on. I mean, with the war and the tension between everyone, I’m afraid that it would put too much stress on a new relationship and I-“
Keith cut him off, "You’re right, I’m-I understand. Sorry, I brought it up. Please pretend as if I didn’t say anything.” He babbled as his eyes returned to the floor.
"Keith I-“ Shiro wanted to reach out to the boy, but when his hand came close, Keith stepped back and Shiro felt a lump get caught in his throat. Keith had never liked being touched before, but he always seemed to be comfortable enough around Shiro to let him place a hand on his shoulder. That is until now.
"I-I’ll be in the training room if you need me.” Keith stuttered as he walked around Shiro, being careful not to bump shoulders with him as he headed down the hallway.
Shiro watched his retreating back with a guilty feeling in his stomach and a pang of regret in his heart.
~
That night Keith dreamt that someone was lying in bed with him and holding him in their arms. His back was pressed against their chest and not only could he feel their body heat, but he could also feel a steady heartbeat, comforting him as their chest rose and fell with each breath. He felt it was odd that someone was in bed with him, but for some reason he wasn’t scared. He also wasn’t sure if they were awake or not, so he slowly turned around to face them, careful not to disturb them if they were sleeping. Then he gasped as Shiro’s face greeted him in the darkness and he tried to move further away, only for Shiro to tighten his hold around Keith, pulling him even closer. Their noses bumped against each other and Keith inhaled the scent of Shiro’s cologne, it was faint and musky.
“Shiro…?” Keith said quietly.
“Hmm?” Keith felt the hum of Shiro’s voice vibrate deep in his chest and his heart sped up. He gripped Shiro’s shirt, possibly out of fear that he wasn’t real.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked.
“No, I’ve been awake for awhile.” Shiro opened his eyes and stared at Keith intently, as if there was something there that Keith couldn’t see. “What about you? Couldn’t sleep?”
“No, I… I just… Are you really here?” Keith whispered, he hated how desperate his own voice sounded in the silence. “Is this… Real?” He asked.
Shiro chuckled and Keith looked at him confused as his chest bounced with hearty laughter. “Does this feel real to you?” Shiro asked as he leaned in and kissed Keith.
Keith inhaled sharply as he felt the collision, but his brain wasn’t working fast enough to figure out what was going on. There was no way that this was really happening, he told himself. But it felt so real, from Shiro’s breath tickling his face to the brush of skin against skin; as one hand dragged his shirt upwards, exposing his back to the cool night air and the other was holding his face. Warm fingers ran themselves over his cheeks and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. He pulled away first, gasping for air.
“You’re not really here. You can’t be real. This can’t be happening…” Keith tried looking away, but Shiro’s eyes pulled at him like a magnet.
“Why?” Shiro whispered and Keith couldn’t find the words to respond. “Why can’t this be happening? Me, being here with you? Why can’t it be real?”
Shiro was smiling and Keith sighed, knowing the answer in his heart, but didn’t want to say the words out loud and make them true.
“Because…” He said quietly as he sat up, “You don’t love me, the way I love you.”
Shiro stared at him the same way that the real Shiro had stared at him when he had confessed. He looked dumbfounded, a bit confused, and stupid. Keith just wanted to punch him for being so stupid. He wanted to hit him for making him feel this way, but most of all, he wanted to kiss him and hold his hand and really feel his breath tickle his neck as they held each other in bed. This wasn’t real.
“How do you know that?” Shiro asked.
“What?” Keith looked back at him, now it was his turn to look confused.
“How do you know that Shiro doesn’t feel the same way?”
Keith rubbed his arms, hesitating to answer. “Because I see the way that he looks at me and I see the way that he looks at Allura and it’s… It’s just not the same.”
Shiro gripped Keith’s hand tightly and brought it up to his mouth. Keith’s heart rate began to speed up again as Shiro kissed each finger. “Forget about Allura for a moment,” he said in between kisses, “and just be.” Keith found himself crying out of happiness.
Then he awoke. Realization that it was just a dream hit him slowly as he looked around the room. A cold hand reached out to an empty half of the bed and then he found himself crying out of sadness, out of loneliness and out of self-hatred. He could still feel the ghost of Shiro’s presence and his lingering touches burning on his skin.