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This boy could easily charm the pants off of any woman.
She‘s old enough to be his mum (and maybe he likes her for that), but that‘s not the thought that strikes her when she first met him. It should‘ve been, though. He knocked at her door in search of his sister. Max, she recalls. And she was struck dumb by the way he casually stood there like a guy straight out of one of her steamy romance novels she reads during bathtime.
Messy dirty-blond curls, tight blue denim jeans and the brightest smile on his face, so charming, which left her completely defenseless.
You‘re a real lifesaver, you know that?
She‘d smiled and pretended she didn‘t hear the sad note carrying in his voice and showing through his eyes as he quickly blinked under long lashes. He was scared of something, she could tell.
But she simply deferred to playing along with his game of hit, flirt and run.
After she divorced Ted and he, surprisingly enough, moved out and left the house empty, she very nearly begged him to come back if only to hear him snore one last time when he fell asleep reading Holly bedtime stories.
Any sound to reassure her somehow that she wasn‘t actually that lonely.
It took a long time ’til she was finally over her severe crush on Billy and a lot longer not thinking about ways he could seduce her. But she sobered up pretty well when Nancy caught her staring into space, bottom lip sucked between her teeth, while her thumb caressed the drawing of the man on her book cover that looked so much like Billy.
Too much, she decided and finally dumped it in the trash can.
.
When she opened the door one year later, all she saw was a broken kid in need of help. How could she see anything else? He wore a big white bandage right across his torso from where the monster tore a whole through his chest.
„Hi.“
He flashed her his signature Billy Hargrove smile she remembers well from first meeting him. Only this time it seemed less strained and more smoothed out around the edges. His eyes were kinder and the look in them not so piercing anymore yet she could see that what he saw was enough to last a lifetime.
„Oh. Welcome back, Billy. Didn‘t excpect you so soon“, she laughs nervously, „Come on in.“
She stepped aside. Mike sat at the kitchen table reading some magazine, but he made a face as soon as he saw who it was and excused himself from the room (you got to be kidding me).
The coffee machine made odd sounds as she brought it to life and she gave it a hearty slap to keep it working. Don‘t quit on me. Soon after, she heard the chair at the table screech across the kitchen tiles and the distinct click of a lighter flicked open.
„Coffee?“ She briefly turned her head to see him dragging on his cigarette, exhaling white smoke, as she made a quick grab for two cups in the kitchen cabinet.
„No, I don‘t drink coffee.“
„But you smoke?“ Her brows furrowed in confusion as she looked at him and tried to read anything into his strange behavior.
„Bad habit.“
He shrugged his shoulders and carried on puffing on his cig with no care in the world – except he barely escaped the clutches of death not so long ago. Nobody really knew how he survived exactly, but he was gossip around town as soon as he could walk again. Kids pointed their fingers at him when he walked by and women happend to give him very strange looks as if they didn‘t quite know how to behave around him anymore. She could only imagine how exhausting that would be.
Karen joined Billy at the table, a minute after the machine sputtered its last drop of coffee, with a hot, steamy mug and a cup of water for him.
„Another thing like that and the shit is going to hit the fan soon.“
His sudden words bursting their bubble of silence startled her and she nearly choked on her stimulant beverage. God, she wasn‘t nearly as freaked out when she last entertained the thought of going out with him and, quite frankly, doing a lot more than that.
„Excuse me?“, she blinked, completely flabbergasted.
„I mean, look at this shit town. Another apocalypse has it down on its knees sooner… than you can slobber over my sun-kissed chest. Mrs Wheeler, what did we talk about? No cheating on this husband of yours. Not even eyes as beautiful as yours.“
He slyly smiled at her as he caught her lingering gaze on his bared chest not completely covered in white bandages, purposefully misreading her stare. It doesn‘t quite have the effect he‘s hoping to create. The sexual innuendo is not very convincing when he sits roughend up in her kitchen, fixing his glazed eyes on her. Red around the edges from crying too much alone in his bedroom, suffering another anxiety attack.
„Ex-husband“, she emphasized while she returned his gaze levelly, lifting the steaming mug from the table and taking a tentative sip.
Before he could open his mouth again Nancy chose exactly this moment to make an entrance, emerging from the front door literally out of nowhere, door falling shut behind her. As she took off her shoes she opened her mouth to greet her mother, but when she caught sight of Billy she quickly shut it.
„Seriously? You hanging out together again? Gross.“ Nancy sniffed and opted instead to walk up the stairs to her bedroom.
Karens mouth was slightly agape with shock upon Nancys crude comment by the time her steps faded into the background and she only shut it when Billy coughed and gave her a meaningful look. He could pretend all he wanted but Karen noticed the strange looks the kids were giving her every time Billy was around. Silently accusing her of atrocities she only committed in her fantasies. About the nothing-but-a-flirt affair with Billy.
Suddenly very self-conscious she shook herself out of her troubling thoughts and threw him a quick glance. Noticing his amused stare.
„I‘m sorry. I don‘t … normally gape like a … a fish ashore, but it‘s just–“
„That you can‘t help but ogle over handsome young men like me. Isn‘t that right?“ He grinned like the devil himself, disturbingly amused by her discomfort. Bastard.
„Would you please stop making fun of me? I‘m trying to be serious here.“
Billy threw his hands up in faux surrender with the most innocent expression.
„Look, I‘m no psychologist, but I‘m starting to think this“, she gestured between the two of them, „is getting to your head. And I know boys like you. Don‘t even try to argue with me, Billy. I don‘t want to relive my heyday high school days. I really don‘t.“
She pinned him with an intense, knowing look only a mother could muster without blinking once.
„Is that why you never went out with me? To keep my ego down? Mrs Wheeler, I‘m deeply offended.“ Billy dramatically placed a hand over his heart.
She visibly winced at his comment and put her mug down before the content could spill over anytime Billy tried another dig at her. She was sure if he wasn‘t already injured she would slap him silly. Like right now.
„Billy, we talked about this“, she explained in a what she hoped would be a calm and collected voice. „If you want my help we keep this purely professional or I‘m out.“
He sighed and nervously scratched his head. She‘d noticed that he does that whenever she managed to drive him into a corner. And she‘s not proud of that, really, but she has to draw boundaries if she wants to help him, because he won‘t let go of his attraction to her. She would lie to herself if she‘d deny the fact that he was a handsome young man, but that‘s that about it. Nothing less and certainly nothing more. No matter how much he tried to flirt with her to bring her off course.
„Alright. Deal. Go ahead. Squeeze me dry like a fuckin‘ orange“, he deadpanned.
Frustrated, she buried her face in her hands with a sigh, elbows on the table, and interlocked her hands behind her head to collect her thoughts. How could this ever work out?
Billy shifted uneasy in his seat.
„Come on. Don‘t quit on me now. I know there‘s still some fire left in you“, he said huskily, winked, and made a scene about drinking his cup of water.
She kept her head down. Didn‘t move a single muscle. Just kept very still and hoped he‘d go away when she pretended he wasn‘t there. Billy arched an eyebrow at that and gulped the rest of the water down in one go as if it were a bottle of alcohol. Speaking of the devil – only one way to survive a situation like this.
Without taking further notice of him she entangled herself from her cowering position on the chair and stood up to walk over to the cupboard under the kitchen sink and pulled out a bottle of scotch she always kept there for bad times.
She felt him staring daggers at her.
Once more taking her place across Billy she poured a large shot of it in her coffee. Meeting his gaze she dared him to say anything. One day he would turn her into an alcoholic.
„So, why don‘t you move out at home? I can only imagine what it would be like to live in an abusive household, but it doesn‘t have to be this way forever, you know. I mean, Maxine moved in with Lucas, so–“
„Max. Her name is Max“, he muttered under his breath. Uncharacteristically quiet. She just looked him straight in the eyes. Blinked. Then continued without further ado.
„Right. Max. Look, why don‘t you talk to me about this? It only gets more painful the harder you try to avoid it.“
Billy snorted and looked down at the table, fiddling with the ring on his finger. Shutting down was one of his favorite methods when she broached the sensitive subject of his father, but still she kept pushing. Won‘t let him hide in his self-dug hole he likes to crawl into whenever the pain gets too much to bear.
She knows for a fact that Neil didn‘t hurt Billy since he got out of the hospital (she checks for new bruises everytime he visits, much to Billys chagrin), but she‘s not so sure how long it‘s going to last. Men like Neil were easy to vex and unable to break their habit.
Tentatively she slid her hand across the table towards him, but he flinched away and lowered his head in shame. Karen bit down on her bottom lip hard.
„You don‘t have to play the tough guy routine with me. I know who you can be. Maybe it‘s not such a bad idea to finally draw a line for your own good“, she tried to reason with him and regarded him with a look of kind understanding in her eyes.
He kept his head down staring at something invisible on the table. That way he didn‘t have to see the way she looked at him now. As if she knew exactly what was going on in his head. He doesn‘t like it. Doesn‘t like the way she can push his buttons. It makes him feel vulnerable. Like somebody was looking into his head against his will, rummaging through his mind until something useful would surface to use him against.
This must be a complete waste of time for her.
Maybe he was.
„I see we‘re stuck here and it wouldn‘t have any benefit to pressure you any longer. I‘m sorry, Billy. Maybe we should try again next time, okay?“
She gave him a long, hopeful look, then downed her coffee and stood up in time with Billy, placing a hand at his back to slowly guide him to the door. When she offered him his jacket she could bet he whispered something along the lines of Thanks, but wasn‘t entirely sure because soon after he gifted her with another dazzling smile.
When he leaned in she could smell the alluring trademark cologne Billy only put on around her (flattering, really) before he pressed a soft, lingering kiss on the corner of her mouth.
„See you around, Karen.“ He winked.
She slammed the door shut right after he turned his back to her, sliding down the door into a squat and tried to calm her suddenly erratic heartbeat. Why was she still this nervous? Didn‘t she do everything in her power to get over Billy? And why was he like this?
Maybe she was the one in need of some serious therapy.
.
When the clock in the living room chimed midnight Nancy found her mother blacked out on the couch, hair tousled and an almost empty scotch bottle dangling loosely in her hand brushing over the carpet in time with her rhythmic breathing.
Her mother didn‘t see it herself, but she was messed up since Ted left without previous announcements. Nancy knew her parents never loved each other, sometimes even prayed for a divorce because it was hard watching her mother doing all the parenting by herself, but she never wanted her to suffer. She was used to someone being there, but not someone who cared.
„Mum. Mum, wake up. You need go to bed. It‘s past midnight.“
She knelt down on the floor beside her and gently roused her from her alcohol-induced sleep. Karen mumbled something inaudible before she lazily cracked one eye open and groaned with pain while Nancy helped her sit up.
„I‘m completely plastered.“
Even though she‘d heard her mother curse before she would‘ve never thought she‘d do it again. It simply wasn‘t a mum-thing to do. Especially not her mum‘s. Nancy smiled a tight-lipped smile.
„How‘s it going with Billy? Any progress?“, she asked, sidling up to where her mother was sprawled on the couch.
„Son of a bitch“, she hiccupped.
„Yeah, he is. Don‘t know why you even bother with him.“
„Have you seen him? He‘s hot. Not too hot to touch, but still...“
„Mum! I definitely don‘t want to hear this.“
Nancy scrunched up her face in disgust. Karen sighed in defeat.
„I‘m lonely, Nancy. Nobodys ever home for me, you know. You‘re all… avoiding me or some shit. I mean, I understand. I would avoid me too, if I were you. God, I‘m old and pathetic“, she concluded, raised the bottle to her lips and sipped.
Feeling guilty she slid closer to her and placed her head on Karens‘ shoulder.
„I‘ve got it from you, mum. Only you.“
„What?“
„Being a fighter.“