Chapter Text
Taehyung is dumbfounded.
Or maybe just dumb.
His brain isn't working. The cells must have taken some kind of vacation. Or maybe his ears have just failed. Yeah, that's right.
He probably didn't hear Yoongi right.
Probably heard him wrong. Brains mistranslate things all the time.
“You? A leader of a mafia? Like, a crime syndicate?”Taehyung asks slowly. He then shakes his head and scoffs, “Yeah right hyung. I mean, I would have known. We've been dating for five years.”
Yoongi winces at that, frowning as he seems to visibly flinch at Taehyung’s word.“Right...about that…” He mumbles, trailing off likes he's embarrassed or something.
Now isn’t the time to get embarrassed though. It’s not the time to leave sentences hanging. Now is the time for clear, proper explanations.
Taehyung says as such and Yoongi flinches again.
“I was selling petty weed when we met in college. It was just to get money in my pocket. College isn't cheap you know... But it was nothing big, but then my little...business grew until I was selling heavier things on campus. I had a couple people who...helped me to sell but otherwise it was still a small operation…”
Taehyung ignores Yoongi’s implication that he had not only been selling weed on campus, but had delved into selling worse things on campus and that his so called“business” had gotten so big that he actually had employees.
He ignores it, pushing forward with the subject.
“Until?”Taehyung asks because he just knows that it’s coming. That the word was on the tip of Yoongi’s tongue.
Yoongi bites at his bottom lip, not wanting to say anything but knowing that he has to. “Until my mom called me up one day. Asked me to come home and everything. That day she sat me down and told me that I was either going to have to stop selling on her territory, or I was going to have to join her operation.”
What?
Is…
Is Yoongi trying to imply that his mother, his sweet, caring mother, is some kind of crime boss? The woman who bakes Taehyung's favorite sweets every time they visit? Her ?
“Hyung…”Taehyung says, his tone expressing his disbelief.
Yoongi's frown deepens a little more.
“...So anyway, I joined her operation. I know it's hard to believe but my mother really was a crime boss. Until three years ago when my dad got sick. As you know, my older brother is trying to start a family so he couldn't take on the role and I was already in it so…”
Taehyung is listening.
Really, he is.
But this just doesn't sound right.
“So you took over your mom's crime syndicate three years ago? I mean...in the movies they make it seem like it takes a lifetime of grooming.”Taehyung says, “You were just a petty drug dealer...no offense.”
And again Yoongi wears a guilty look on his face. Not that he hadn't ever stopped feeling or looking guilty, but this time he looks really guilty. Like he's scared that what he's about to say will really upset Taehyung.
“I knew.”Yoongi says at first.
He leaves it at that for a few seconds.
It's apparent that he knows that he'll need to elaborate but it's obvious that he's having a hard time with this. Taehyung reaches out and grabs hold of Yoongi's hand in an effort to comfort his boyfriend.
To his surprise, Yoongi flinches and withdraws his hand.
Taehyung and Yoongi don't argue often, which comes as a surprise to everyone they meet seeing as they appear to be polar opposites. So when they do argue it leaves them both uncomfortable. That's why they began to hold hands.
They hold hands to show each other that while they may be upset, they still love each other. That despite arguing they're still there for one another.
Taehyung doesn't think this counts as an argument. Not really at least, but Yoongi's rejection stings like it is. It stings because they are, at the very least, disagreeing right now and he has never once refused to hold his hand.
Taehyung retracts his hand like it's been burned and the guilt on Yoongi's face deepens.
They sit in silence like that, Taehyung burning from rejection and Yoongi stewing in his guilt.
That is until Taehyung clears his throat and lets out a choked, “Continue please.”
And Yoongi hears him. Taehyung is sure that he does, but he doesn't continue. Doesn't try to finish his explanation. He truly seems choked up on his words, appearing unable to say them without wanting to vomit or run. Taehyung knows. Five years with the man before him has taught him all of his expressions and mannerisms.
Yoongi finally looks away from Taehyung, finally turns away from him. That hurts almost as much as the rejected hand holding but at least he begins speaking again.
“I meant what I had said. I knew. I knew my parents dealt in shady business. No, I don't think that quite covers its entirety. I knew they killed people. I knew they sold drugs and I knew that they dealt in extortion and prostitution. I knew that my mom hadn't come from some kind of conventional generational wealth...what I’m trying to say is that I knew. I knew about what my family did. I hadn’t exactly turned blind eye to it either, I just didn’t actively participate until recently.”
Oh.
Taehyung…
Taehyung doesn’t know how to respond to that.
Truth be told, Taehyung hadn’t been exactly buying any of this. Before this, he never believed Yoongi to be a liar. At least, not one to him. But then he began his explanation and Taehyung felt like his lover was telling a story. Like he was fabricating one huge tall tale.
But this…
No, this is the truth. Yoongi isn’t lying.
The look in his eyes, the illicit mixture of fear and guilt that brims in his eyes, that’s how Taehyung can tell.
“I…”He trails off, not knowing where he had been going to in the first place.
Yoongi reaches for his hand this time and it is Taehyung who draws away. This time Yoongi is the one recoiling from rejection and Taehyung is the one kicking himself with guilt.
He loves Yoongi. Loves him with all of his heart and soul. But this…? This is a lot.
And he says as such.
“I love you so much. So much it physically pains me sometimes while other times making me the happiest person on earth,”Taehyung starts off. He draws in a deep breath before continuing, “But...this is a lot to take in hyung. This is a lot.”
Yoongi nods his head though he can’t hide his frown and the wetness of his eyes. “I know. I know and I love you so much Tae. So much.”
There is a silence between them. A heavy one. Taehyung is wrapped up in his thoughts. He knows what he wants to say though, has it on the tip of his tongue. He just has to let it settle in his mouth. Has to be sure about what he’s about to say and make sure it comes out right.
Has to make sure that Yoongi doesn’t take it the wrong way.
“I think I need some space.”Taehyung announces resolutely after some time.
Yoongi freezes.
His eyes widen and his teeth dig into his bottom lip, trying desperately to keep the tears from spilling from his eyes.
Taehyung grabs hold of his hand and is both thankful that he hasn’t been rejected and saddened by the way Yoongi’s hands shake terribly.
“I love you.”He tells Yoongi.
“I love you.”He says again.
“I love you so much,”He repeats, “I am not breaking up with you. I just need time to process all of this. Okay?”
Yoongi doesn’t say anything, he just nods his head.
“Min Yoongi,”Taehyung says and waits until Yoongi is looking at him with his full attention. Taehyung frowns when the tears spill over, quickly brushing them away. “I am coming back to you. I promise.”And then he’s kissing Yoongi’s face.
First his eyes, the tip of his nose, then his lips.
The kiss is wet. Wet from Yoongi’s tears, but Taehyung doesn’t mind. He is barely keeping himself together as it is.
Taehyung deepens the kiss, seeking the warmth of Yoongi’s mouth after facing the coldness of their conversation.
It’s almost desperate, the way their mouths devour each other’s. The kiss is hungry. Hungry for what, Taehyung isn’t sure but he doesn’t want it to end and with the way Yoongi grips him it is obvious that he doesn’t want it to either.
But it does.
The kiss comes to an end and they’re both panting for air.
“I love you.”Taehyung tells him once again.
And then he’s standing up from his seat and making his way to their bedroom.
He doesn’t know for how long he’ll be gone so he packs heavily. He feels guilty though, especially when he looks back into their closet and sees that it looks bare without his clothes spilling out onto the floor and onto Yoongi’s side.
It looks like he is leaving for a long time, if not forever.
Taehyung shoves other necessities, like his toothbrush and face wash, into his bag before he’s lugging the bag out of their bedroom.
Yoongi stands by the door, staring at the floor.
Despite being taller than Yoongi by a handful of inches, Taehyung has never seen him look so small.
Yoongi, in his mind, has always been tall. His personality—his caring, dependable, thoughtful, and trustworthy nature—creating a being of great stature in Taehyung’s mind.
And now he looks so tiny and Taehyung can only blame himself.
“I love you.”
Yoongi looks at Taehyung and nods his head. He doesn’t say anything, though the way he visibly swallows thickly tells Taehyung that his silence isn’t vindictive or full of malice.
“I’m coming back, I promise.”Taehyung tells him.
Yoongi nods his head again.
Taehyung figures he’s dragged out his departure long enough but he doesn’t want to go yet.
He’s going to Jimin’s place, they both know that. They both know that his best friend’s apartment isn’t far away, not by a long shot. It’s the principle of the thing though. It’s not the fact that he’s staying with Jimin, he’s done that many times before.
The issue comes with the terms they’re departing on.
Though there is a lot of love between them, there is a lot of pain as well. A lot of confusion.
It’s the first time that Taehyung will be leaving Yoongi in such a way.
“I love you.”He says one last time, opening the door as he does so.
Yoongi bites at his lip again. His eyes are pooling with tears but he doesn’t let them spill. Instead he draws in a deep breath and lets a shaky one out in its place.
“I love you so much,”He finally says back to Taehyung. “I love you so, so much and I’m sorry that I kept this from you. I love you .”
Taehyung smiles a sad smile, reaching over to kiss Yoongi one last time.
The kiss is unlike the previous one as it stays simple. They stay like that, lips together as they embrace each other.
Taehyung wants more contact. Wants more of everything but knows that he can’t be greedy—can’t be selfish. He’s the one leaving Yoongi, that should be enough.
“I love you.”He says against Yoongi’s lips.
Yoongi sighs against his lips, “I love you.”He replies back.
And then Taehyung is out the door.
He tells himself to not look back, to keep going but it’s impossible. He’s never been one to have great self restraint anyway.
He looks back, back at Yoongi and the home they’ve made together. It looks different from this angle—smaller than it ever looked before.
Yoongi stares at him. He’s not crying, but he doesn’t have to be for Taehyung to see his despair.
'I’ll be back’ Taehyung mouths.
Yoongi nods his head, but his frown is still there and Taehyung knows that nothing he says or does will make it go away. He doesn’t blame him much for it anyway.
Soon though, Taehyung looks away. He stares straight ahead and walks, carrying his bag with him though it feels like it’s being weighed down by more than just clothes.
The walk to Jimin’s place seems to drag on for much longer than it should. It doesn’t take long to get there and yet Taehyung has already spent an hour walking.
He feels heavy. Feels tired. He regrets leaving Yoongi but knows that he made the right choice.
It was all too much and as much as he loves Yoongi, what he told him was a lot. A lot to take in. A lot to deal with. And Taehyung is not sure that he would be able to deal with it properly if he stayed beside Yoongi.
When he finally reaches Jimin’s door it is a quarter past eight, nearly an hour and a half since he left Yoongi in their apartment.
He knocks on his best friend’s door and then takes a step back, waiting for him to open the door.
Only a small handful of seconds pass by before Jimin is opening the door.
He’s got on sweats and a t shirt with his hair unkempt. He clearly wasn’t expecting any visitors and Taehyung kicks himself for not verifying with Jimin that it would be okay for him to stay with him.
“TaeTae?”Jimin asks, “What are you doing here?”
Taehyung lifts up the bag and smiles a weary smile. “Can I come in?”
Jimin nods his head. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. Come in.”
Taehyung steps inside the warm apartment and feels his legs shake and his bottom lip tremble. The weight of the situation hits him in full force and he has to keep himself from tipping over. His best friend must see the way he's hastily taking his bag. He puts it into the spare bedroom before coming back with a blanket and some fuzzy socks for Taehyung to put on.
“I—“Taehyung starts. His voice cracks and he would be burning with embarrassment if he weren’t on the brink of tears.
Jimin shakes his head, “It’s okay. You don’t need to say anything just yet. Just take off your shoes and then join me on the couch, yeah?”
Taehyung nods, toeing off his shoes and socks before putting the fuzzy socks on and trudging over to Jimin who waits for him underneath the blanket.
He doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t ask Taehyung to explain anything. Just welcomes him under the blanket and into his arms.
It’s as Jimin circles his arms around him that Taehyung finally breaks down. He finally caves from the weight on his shoulders. It absolutely crushes him, taking all the air from his lungs and all the strength from his muscles.
The tears begin flowing and they don’t stop. His shoulders shake and god is it hard to breathe.
Everything hurts. Everything aches.
Jimin hugs him tighter, petting his hair. “It’s okay TaeTae. It’s okay.”
But it’s not.
It’s not because Taehyung is here instead of beside Yoongi. It was his choice to leave to give himself time to think and he knows that was the smartest decision to make. The things Yoongi confessed to...they're unthinkable. And Taehyung needed space, but now that he's here on Jimin's couch he realizes that he didn't really need to think about anything.
He knows that he loves Yoongi. Loves him with all of his heart.
“I love him,”Taehyung sobs. “I love him.”