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“Tell me I've been lied to
Crying isn't like you”
You had never meant to for it to happen this way.
For years, the line between the two of you had been firmly drawn into the sand. You were family friends and nothing more. There was no other connection, no string that tied the two of you together besides the one thread that was labeled as “circumstance.”
As children, you played heroes and villains with him on the playground. You’d watch with awe and excitement as the tiny firecrackers sparkled from his palm. You knew he’d be an amazing hero, and despite those blatant character flaws he exhibited in his interactions with the other students from class, you knew he had a golden heart. No matter how many times a boy from the class would tease you about your quirk being useless and push you down into the sand, Katsuki Bakugou was the one who would scare them away and wait while you pushed yourself up from off of the ground.
Family dinners at the Bakugou household were exciting and rambunctious, much to your delight. Mitsuki and Masaru were gracious hosts despite the bickering that occurred at the table, and after the meal was finished and the adults would converse among themselves over a glass of wine each, you and Katsuki would go up to his room and he’d show you his collection of video games and All Might memorabilia. He’d tell you his grand plan to become the number one hero, and you’d cheer him on with a smile on your face. Nothing could stop him.
When Katsuki got into U.A. high’s hero course, you told him that you knew he’d get in. With a confident smirk, he had replied with a, “Damn right, I would.” After he got the acceptance, you didn’t see Katsuki for a while. You knew he was busy with training to prepare for the rigorous demands of the hero program, so you occupied yourself with being a silent cheerleader from a distance while you buried your nose into your own study material for the general education courses at U.A.
“What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to
Let someone see right through”
While you had been family friends, you and Katsuki knew little about one another’s personal lives. You only knew what you could gather from visits to the Bakugou household and overhearing your parents talking, but otherwise, the boy would never reveal a detail of his inner thoughts or feelings. To be quite frank, you didn’t either. The two of you were closed books, only choosing to show one another the front covers of your life stories.
Things changed when Katsuki got kidnapped.
You felt helpless. You collapsed in on yourself as you drowned in worry and worst-case scenario thoughts. You sobbed into your pillow as you berated yourself for not being able to help him. You knew he was strong, but to be put up against the League of Villains was a daunting task. When he returned and had made it home, you sprinted to his house, the shape of your eyes still outlined in red and tears.
You stood there, panting at his doorstep while he looked at you with furrowed brows.
“I’m glad you’re okay,” you had breathed out.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” he replied.
“I know, but I was still worried.” You finally looked up to bore those crimson eyes into memory. If he disappeared again, you’d want to remember every detail.
“You shouldn’t have been. I’m the best, remember?”
You laughed, though it almost sounded like a sob.
“Right.”
You walked home after that, the cold night air blowing against your wet cheeks as you realized your heart felt full again.
“Maybe won't you take it back
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today”
It was rare that you spoke to Katsuki at school. He kept his distance, far too focused on his road to becoming number one hero to seek out the companionship of a general studies student like yourself. Again, you found yourself in the role of silent cheerleader. You didn’t mind. You knew that your support was an encouragement to the stubborn blonde, even if he didn’t admit it.
You got your own friends, anyways. A silent type with purple hair became your friend, someone who had initially refused your friendship much like Katsuki had. However, your persistence to accept him as he was (a hero) pushed him into accepting your encouragement in his goals in life. You took on a more vocal role of cheerleader for Shinsou. He allowed it, and often times he’d buy you a chocolate bread from the cafeteria as a thanks for your continuous efforts. He’d return the smile you gave him with a smaller one of his own.
When you had been tasked with delivering something to Katsuki on behalf of your parents to deliver to Mitsuki and Masaru, you searched for the explosive boy near his classroom. You heard him shouting within the room and so you entered the room with the neatly packaged delivery of some cloth samples Mitsuki had asked for while your mother was on a trip.
The room fell silent at your arrival, despite it being lunchtime. Katsuki’s eyes found you and he narrowed them as though annoyed by your presence. Just as quickly as the room had fallen silent, the noise became an uproar as several of the students (particularly the male student population in the room) began to bombard you with questions.
“What are you doing here, cutie? You here looking for someone?” a blonde with a dark streak asked, a sly smirk on his lips.
“Are you trying to ask for someone to confess to, hm? You’ve got a present for them?” a man with flat black hair and odd elbows asked as he eyed the package in your hands.
“Ah, I’m actually looking for Katsuki.”
“Huh?! Him?!”
“And you called him by his first name?!”
The class erupted into mindless gossip about the implications of your words. Irritated by both the noise and you being in the room, Katsuki stood up from his desk and made his way over to you.
“What the hell are you doing here, shitty girl?”
“My mom told me to give this to you, so you can give it to your mom.” You held out the package to him, trying your best to calm yourself down. You blamed your anxiety on the noise and not on the fact that he was staring you down in such an intimidating way. Never before had he directed such anger at you.
“Tell her to deliver it herself. I’m not a fucking delivery boy, especially not for some shitty general studies student. Get lost, and don’t come back here, got it?” He shoved your shoulder, causing you to stumble back a couple of steps. With surprise clearly etched on your face, you looked up at Katsuki with confusion.
“I--”
“Go!” Katsuki yelled, not even bothering to let you speak. “And don’t come near me! I don’t need some extra with a shitty quirk coming and dragging me down or embarrassing me! Get the fuck out!”
You bit the inside of your cheek and you tightened your hold on the package. You knew what he was doing. He was making sure you wouldn’t get in the way of his grand plan. Somehow, you had always imagined you being there along the sidelines as he made his way to the top, but you had never imagined that he’d prefer for you to be out of sight completely. The silent cheerleader was meant to only be a silent girl in the crowd, and only that. With a firm nod, you hurried out of the classroom and back to your own.
You went back to the dorms only after dropping off the package at the Bakugou household. By the time you returned, it was evening and you went up the stairs to go to your room, only to cross paths with the blonde you had been hoping to avoid, as per his direction. The two of you stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say to one another. Finally, you broke the silence.
“I won’t hold you back. Don’t mind me.”
With a slight bow of your head, you left to go to your room, leaving Katsuki to stare after you, the words he was going to say still burning in his throat.
“Maybe we should just try
To tell ourselves a good lie
I didn't mean to make you cry”
You kept to yourself for the next couple of years in school. Shinsou transferred to the hero course and you continued to cheer him on from the sidelines. You kept your distance from the hero students, hoping to abide by the words you’d spoken to Katsuki. As much as it pained you to watch both he and Shinsou succeed from so far away, you knew that it was necessary. You’d weigh them down, hold them back, and keep them from their dreams.
You began to lie to yourself regularly to make it easier.
“I’m doing just fine on my own.”
“They’re doing great without me.”
“I’d only hold them back.”
“I’m useless, anyways. They don’t need me.”
You holed yourself up in your dorm room, busied yourself with your studies. You kept your grades high in exchange for your sleep and sanity. If you kept your nose buried in your books, you’d be able to keep from thinking about how much you missed eating dinner from across the table with Katsuki on the other side.
“The smile that you gave me
Even when you felt like dying”
“Are you doing alright?”
The question from Shinsou had startled you out of your own daydreaming. He’d been able to take a break from his hero course and provisional license work to have lunch with you in the common room of the dorms. You both sat on the floor with a small table between the two of you. Your meal was, for the most part, untouched.
“Yeah, I’m doing great.” You smiled and rested your elbow on the table so that you could place your chin in your hand as your attention was placed on your friend. “How are you doing? That hero stuff looks like tough work.”
“It is, but I’m not talking about me right now.” Shinsou’s tired eyes narrowed at you. “Are you… eating enough? Sleeping enough?”
“What? Yeah, of course!” You smiled even brighter, hoping to will away any evidence on your features that betrayed your words. You tried to shine brighter than the dull look in your eyes and the feeling of your ribs against your skin underneath your sweatshirt. “Not everyone can look like they’re buff all the time, like you heroes.”
“Hmm.” It was the only answer you got after that. The topic was dropped and you could hide your inner self for a little while longer.
In the doorway, Katsuki and Kirishima passed by. Though Kirishima maintained the conversation well enough, Katsuki couldn’t pay attention to it when he spotted you sitting there smiling at Shinsou. He furrowed his brows, but continued walking as his friend continued talking.
There was something missing, and he finally realized what it was.
“We fall apart as it gets dark
I'm in your arms in Central Park
There's nothing you could do or say”
Things changed again.
Graduation came and went and the heroes all went to their agencies. You, having come from the general studies course, worked at an agency as a secretary. You maintained the paperwork and did the behind-the-scenes work that kept hero agencies running smoothly. It was a living, and it allowed you to live peacefully in a small apartment. You kept in touch with your friends from U.A., and you made some new ones at work. You kept your eyes on the hero billboard, always and forever searching and tracking Katsuki’s hero name.
When he broke top ten, you had a beer at the local bar to celebrate on his behalf. You couldn’t help but be a silent cheerleader once again, the only sound of encouragement coming from the gulps you took of the bitter carbonation. Cheeks flushed pink from alcohol, you made your way home as the light of the moon and the city lit the way for you.
You walked through the park, your apartment building just on the other side. You heels clicked along the sidewalk’s pavement as you meandered along the path and enjoyed the spring night air. You took a deep breath in, and then a deep breath out.
In an instant, your world was upside down. When you came to again, you awoke to find yourself lying on the grass with a harsh ringing in your right ear. Everything felt hot and your entire body felt numb from shock. When you reached up to touch your cheek, the hand you pulled back was painted red. You slowly pushed yourself off of the ground into a sitting position, the pain in the back of your skull growing deeper and meaner.
You blinked as you tried to take in the scene before you. The trees, bushes, and grass were all ablaze in several places around the park. Debris littered the area. Sirens could be heard in the distance, but you could hardly discern them from the ringing in your ear and the throb of pain in your brain. In the distance, you could see a figure emerging from the fire, a sinister expression on their villainous face. Just before he was properly in front of you, the evil figure was blown out of sight by another explosion. Again, your ears rang and you shut your eyes tightly to shield yourself from the brightness that accompanied the boom.
When you opened your eyes, you gasped as crimson eyes widened when they met yours.
Suddenly, all of the shock left you and you let out a half-groan, a half-scream of pain. Your hand immediately went to your abdomen and you only then realized you had been impaled by debris. The jagged piece of metal from the park bench was buried in your side and when you looked back up, Katsuki was right there in front of you with an expression you’d never seen on his face.
You couldn’t hear him, but he kept on talking to himself as he assessed your injury. His large gauntlets got in the way as he tried to apply pressure to your wound. In a frustrated hurry, he took them off and tossed them to the side. Once his hands were on you, you let out a sharp cry and the tears began to fall from your eyes and run down your dirt and blood-stained cheeks. The ringing in your ears never ceased as Katsuki finally cursed and lifted you up, trying his best to ignore your shout as the pain shot through your every nerve.
He carried you away from the park and it was only once the flames were in the distance that the ringing stopped. You could finally hear him.
“Don’t you fucking die on me, you hear me? You shouldn’t have even been there! It’s so fucking late out! You should have just gone home after work! What the hell were you even doing out?!”
“I was celebrating,” you managed to cough out. You could taste iron on your tongue.
“Celebrating what?!”
“You.” You raised your hand to touch his cheek, blood loss finally giving you the chance to be bold. “You’re almost there.”
Katsuki squeezed his eyes shut at your touch. After a minute, he finally scoffed and tsked and cursed under his breath as he began to walk again, then he began to run in the direction of the hospital. He jumped, using his quirk to propel him faster faster. He needed to get you there faster. The landing at the emergency room entrance was a skidding halt as he landed with you in his arms. The emergency team took you away and he didn’t see you as you disappeared behind the doors.
“I can't escape the way, I love you
I don't want to, but I love you”
When you awoke in the hospital, you were greeted first by pain and sore muscles. Your eyes squeezed tightly shut, not even having opened just yet. You could smell antiseptic and… was that caramel? Burnt sugar? You peeled your eyelids back enough to get a glimpse around the room and, much to your surprise, you spotted Katsuki asleep with his head resting on the side of your hospital bed.
The heart monitor beeped just a bit faster, an immediate betrayal for your desire to mask your surprise. You reached your hand out to gently touch your pinkie finger to the top of Katsuki’s hand that was sprawled out near his head. He first crinkled his nose, then opened his eyes and looked at your pinkie finger on top of his hand. Once he realized what was going on, he shot up in his seat and looked at you.
A flurry of emotions crossed his face: surprise, relief, irritation, embarrassment.
“You sure took your fucking time waking up.”
“Did I?” Your voice felt scratched up, like a worn quilt.
“Yeah. Three days.”
“Hm, that is pretty long.” You smiled softly at him. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Saving me.”
“Well, who else is going to help an idiot like you?” he grumbled as he crossed his arms over his chest and sat back in his seat, his pink cheeks giving away his embarrassment.
“Hm, true.” You chuckled, though the sound of it was nowhere near what it sounded like long ago. It was nothing like your laughter when the two of you played heroes and villains at the playground. “I think… this is the first time since our first year at U.A. that we’ve talked, you know.”
“Yeah, I know…”
Silence followed that. It was a long silence, one that weighed heavy in the air as it suffocated you both. It was Katsuki who spoke up.
“I shouldn’t have said what I did to you back then.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were just trying to support me. We’ve known each other for years, and I treated you like shit. After you stopped talking to me, I realized what a shithead I’d been, but I was too stubborn to say anything. I saw that you were doing fine, since you were doing well in your classes, so I left you be. I didn’t want to admit…” His words trailed off as he struggled to find a way to continue.
“It’s okay, I forgive you.” Again, you smiled at him. “You didn’t mean it, and I cheered you on anyways.”
Katsuki looked at you, an unreadable expression on his face. Finally, he leaned forward and took your hand into both of his own.
“I didn’t want to admit… that I needed you there with me.” He sighed and held your hand in his own, pressing it to his forehead so that he could avoid your gaze and instead look down at the cot. “I missed having you there. I… I didn’t want to admit that I… That I loved you. That I still do love you. Fuck, this is so stupid…”
“Katsuki.” He looked up when you called his name. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay! I treated you so horribly, and now here I am like some jackass telling you that I’ve been too stubborn to admit that I loved you!”
“Katsuki!”
“How can you even think to tell me that that’s okay?! I’m an asshole! I didn’t even want to love you, and yet I never stopped thinking about you and about how much I fucking missed you!”
“Katsuki! Would you shut up?!”
He paused, his mouth slightly open as he was about to continue. Instead, he clamped his mouth shut so that he could listen to what you had to say.
“You don’t have to apologize. It took me a long time to realize how I really felt.” You sighed, tightening your hand in his. “I could have said something back then, or been more persistent to stay by your side, but I didn’t. I’m at fault, too. I didn’t want to love you because I didn’t want to hold you back. But…” You looked at him with fresh tears in your eyes and a soft smile on your lips. “I couldn’t escape it. I couldn’t help loving you, even now.”
Without another word, your own last sentence being the only confirmation he needed, Katsuki rushed forward to capture your lips with his own, his hands coming to cradle each side of your face. When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to yours.
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Katsuki. I always have.”