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Something was off. Nothing he produced looked right and it was starting to make his plating twitch. His neck was crimping from stress and the stupid hunched position he'd forced himself into. His brush strokes were wobbly, his color choice was off, and for whatever primus forsaken reason he couldn't block out whatever the fuck Sideswipe was doing in the other room. His temper was primed to snap at any moment, and were it not for Bob suddenly scuttling over to him chirping worriedly, he might've snapped his paint brush as well.
Sunstreaker in-vented and ex-vented, long and slow, before setting the brush down and standing up. But moving on to a different activity was wholly unappealing, and for whatever reason his legs started to restlessly jitter when he tried to sit down to read or work on something else. Sideswipe was supposed to be the fidgety one, not him.
"I heard that!" Sideswipe's voice startled him as it rebounded off the walls of their hab.
Startled him.
One did not get startled by their split spark twin doing anything. Sunstreaker distantly noted the sounds of Sideswipe shutting off the game console they'd rigged up and walking to berthroom, before his twin's concerned face appeared in the doorway.
"Hey." Sideswipe paused, but Sunstreaker only frowned at him.
Words had never been Sunstreaker's forte, and it felt like they escaped him even more so now. His processor felt like it had been capped and then shaken like a...a...
"Snow globe?" Sideswipe offered with a wry smirk, the bond portrayed his worry at the very least, But Sunstreaker still glowered at him.
-not helping- he shoved into the bond, watching with some degree of satisfaction as Sideswipe flinched.
It was unusual for him to be so present in their bond as well, normally at least a small modicum of his thoughts he managed to keep to himself. Apparently he wasn't doing very well with that either.
Why was everything so difficult all of a sudden? When did his head get so cluttered that he couldn't even keep it to himself? What was wrong with him?
Sideswipe's hands were suddenly on his face and Sunstreaker refocused on his external reality, acutely aware now that Bob was still making a racket down at his feet. He growled his engine in frustration but leant his forehelm against Sideswipe's. The touch did offer some comfort, but he noted that it stirred up some of the fog, like it was close to what he needed, but not quite it.
"Nothing is wrong with you." Sideswipe insisted stubbornly, before rubbing noses with Sunstreaker.
Sunstreaker crinkled his face at the gesture and batted Sideswipe upside the helm, but his twin merely laughed.
"Aww c'mon, you let Valor do it!" Sideswipe mock pouted, long since over the tiny bit of jealousy he'd developed when Sunstreaker had first befriended the former Decepticon.
Sunstreaker flushed and something in him both warmed and wilted at the mention of his friend. He'd been away with Jazz on some secret mission for several earth weeks, which of course included radio silence.
He tried to glare at Sideswipe, but his spark wasn't really there, and then he bent to pick Bob up and move to the berth to sit down, "That's different."
The small Insecticon happily settled onto Sunstreaker's lap, purring his tiny engine at a soothing note that even Sideswipe could agree was weirdly relaxing.
Sideswipe sat beside them and scratched under Bob's chin idly, "He'll be back."
"I know that." Sunstreaker bit out, before squeezing his optics shut and huffing.
This wasn't Sideswipe's fault, and he didn't deserve being snapped at; more than anything really Sunstreaker was agitated with himself. Sure, the two of them had had their attachments in the past, and Sideswipe has had a fair amount of forays into the world of romance, which they learned quickly Sunstreaker had no interest in; but Sunstreaker had never met anyone who had this affect on him. Where their absence would noticeably affect his ability to function. Well, other than Sideswipe of course, but even that was different from this.
It was new and decidedly uncomfortable and made him wonder if continuing to spend time with Valor was really a good idea. But then he thought about not having someone else creatively inclined to talk to. About not having that unconditional no-strings-attached affection that Valor was always so eager to give. Someone who would touch him without intent or expectation, help him with his paint job and finish without any flare of desire. Valor was easy to be around, to be friends with; accommodating, level headed, non judgmental. And Sunstreaker didn't feel like he'd had to do anything particularly special to maintain their friendship, Valor still hung around him because...because he just liked Sunstreaker. And Valor liked that Sunstreaker didn't expect anything from him in return, didn't try to force him to fit some unrealistic paradigm. It was that simple. And primus above, if Sunstreaker started building walls between them Valor would let him; because Valor was the rare kind of mech who believed very strongly in Autonomy, and letting mecha lead their own lives. He wouldn't chase Sunstreaker, wouldn't try to pin him down, wouldn't try to lay any sort of claim; if Sunstreaker walked away from their friendship, Valor would let him go.
Valor would let him go because to Valor, Sunstreaker's happiness was more important than whatever he got out of their relationship.
Sunstreaker realized Sideswipe was smirking at him and squinted at his twin, "So what are we gonna do when he gets back?"
Sunstreaker blinked and snorted, "We?"
"Yeah, we! I miss him too y'know, you're not the only one who enjoys his company." Sideswipe huffed dramatically and flopped back onto the berth.
"You enjoy that he's more cuddly than me." Sunstreaker rebutted.
Sideswipe grinned mischievously, "I enjoy that you get more cuddly when he's here."
Sunstreaker sputtered indignantly, "I absolutely do not."
Sideswipe gave his twin an incredulous look from where he lay, but left that argument there, "So, What are we gonna do?"
"Sit on me and never let Jazz take me anywhere ever again." a familiar voice called from beyond the berthroom, accompanied by the swish of the outer habsuite door closing.
Sideswipe flung himself from their berth with the same level of excitement as Bob, leaving Sunstreaker alone, blinking owlishly at the door. Shaking himself from the minor stupor he rose and walked calmly into the main living area where Valor had Sideswipe in what the humans called a 'bear hug', his twin's pedes weren't even touching the floor. Bob had even already seated himself on the larger mech's back kibble, as was often his want.
Sideswipe laughed as he was placed back down on the ground, "When did you get back?! Where the slag did you guys even go?"
Valor smiled, but Sunstreaker could see the tight edges of it that Sideswipe always missed, "Been back for several hours, Prowl had us all holed up in Prime's office though. Debriefing and all that. And you know I can't answer that."
Sunstreaker felt the bubble of curiosity expanding in Sideswipe and decided to smother it before he pushed their already exhausted companion, "Still wanna be sat on?"
Entire present company looked at Sunstreaker like he'd grown a second head and he flushed bright pink and pointed at the stack of movies. Valor's optics sparkled when he connected the dots and the smile that followed was smoother, less stressed, and his voice had dropped to a softer octave.
"You didn't have to wait for me."
Sunstreaker reset his vocalizer and went to grab his preferred throw blanket, "Yeah, well, we did. Besides if you don't watch them with us you never will. When I come back both your afts better be on the couch."
Valor laughed, like a release of tension mixed with pure joy, "Yessir!"
Sunstreaker couldn't help the small smirk that curled his lips as he came back and indeed found them both already settled, movie already in the player. Sideswipe was curled into Valor's left side, Bob had moved to Sideswipe's lap, and Valor had placed an arm around Side's shoulders. Sunstreaker eased himself down into Valor's lap, draping the throw across both their legs, feeling the way tension immediately began to bleed out of Valor's frame. The large mech took a deep in-vent and sighed it out contently, slouching further back as Sunstreaker settled against his front.
"New polish?" he intoned quietly.
Sunstreaker hummed an affirmative while Sideswipe gave their friend a startled glance.
-how the slag can he tell? they all smell the same to me... and when the frag did you get new polish?-
Sunstreaker chose to resolutely ignore both of those questions, and grabbed the remote from his twin and hit play.
"I like it." Valor rumbled softly, focus drifting back toward the movie.
"You'll have to let me do your finish later, I think this one would suit you better than me." Sunstreaker mumbled, and turned his head slightly to watch Valor's expression.
Valor made a wistful noise, pressing his lips into a small smile, engine purring, "That sounds nice."
Sunstreaker nudged his nose against Valor's cheek and the big mech turned his head, little thought happened between the silent request and fulfilling it. The wide tip of Valor's nose brushed over Sunstreaker's nasal arch in a slow, particular pattern, before moving past his face and allowing their cheeks to brush and press together. The arm that had been resting on the couch now curled around Sunstreaker's shoulders, squeezing lightly.
"Missed you too." Valor mumbled.
Sunstreaker had a good angle on Sideswipe's mildly disgruntled face.
"He still won't let me do that." he grumbled dejectedly.
"That's because you do it wrong." Sunstreaker supplied, knowing that was unhelpful, and not caring all that much.
Valor righted himself though, grin suggesting repressed laughter, and they all properly settled in at last. The turmoil and clutter Sunstreaker had been struggling with was not gone, but it ebbed slowly, and eventually he stopped thinking about it. It was easy to get lost in the banter, or in making fun of the movie and picking apart the flaws; simply enjoying the warm affection and camaraderie that flowed between them.
He didn't even have to think before falling back into comfortable patterns; reaching up to trace his digits along the edges of Valor's face to bring him that final notch down into being fully relaxed.
None of them managed to stay awake for the entire film.