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The air in your rental home is soupy, full of the heat and humidity seeping in from the early-June night in Central Texas. The ancient AC unit in your bedroom window is chugging along, doing its best to keep the temperature somewhat tolerable. Above your bed, a ceiling fan circulates the cool air and whips around both your hair and the sheets.
Next to you, Jesse Faden lies on her back, red hair splayed out on the pillow her head is resting on. It's late, but you're busy staring at the ceiling. The air is heavy, not just because of the summertime heat.
You have something you want to talk to her about. She has that look in her eye, the one you've grown familiar with. The look that says she's found what she's looking for. You do realize that nothing you say will get that look out of her eyes.
Out in the kitchen, sitting in the pocket of the worn-out leather jacket she wears everywhere, is a single plane ticket. One way, to New York City.
For most, this would be a mystery. One that would be the cause for some rather grave concern. But, you know why. She's told you already. A while ago. But, now you're certain she's going to go through with it.
You have a feeling this will be the last night you see her for a long time.
You met her two years ago. You both showed up for your first night at work as janitors in a Downtown Dallas high-rise. The suits that inhabited the place had left, leaving behind their spilled lattes and balled up pieces of paper. It was you, her, and the other janitors that had to make sure it was all cleaned up for the next round the following morning.
At first, you thought Jesse was quiet. That's fine, but maybe she was a bit… too quiet. Reserved. A bit snarky. Not interested in talking about what she did over the weekend, or if she had any plans for her day off.
That was with most everyone else, though. With you? She hit it off. Something about the other person drew both of you to each other. You were the only one she would joke with, the only one she would laugh with. For whatever reason, Jesse chose to let you into her life. The both of you worked well together- maybe it was because spending the night mopping floors with Jesse just seemed to go so fast.
You even remember the first time you hit on her. You had been grappling with your growing attraction to her for what seemed like months on end. Your friends told you to go for it. What's the worst that could happen? Well, besides her complaining to HR, of course.
One night, as you mopped up the reception corridor leading to the VP's office, you hit her with the comment that you were ashamed to admit you had been spending weeks perfecting. You're not even sure what the context was. You just knew you were waiting for the right moment to drop it and this was the moment.
You know, you started as you attempted to nonchalantly swab one side of the linoleum across from her, you're a lot cuter than most janitors I know.
Your back was to her. What you noticed first was the squeaking of her mop coming to an abrupt stop. You made a sheepish turn toward her. Jesse was standing in the middle of the hall, having stopped in the midst of swabbing the floor. You just had to take a moment to admire how a few strands of hair from her ponytail had broken free and dangled around her face.
She sure put the "hot" in "hot mess."
For a moment, you felt like your heart was going to beat out of your chest. You also felt like Jesse was about to smack you upside the head with her mop.
Instead, she did the most unexpected thing. She smirked.
I could say the same about you, she said with an oh-so-flirtatious smile.
You talked a while that night. And the next night. And the night after that. On Saturday night, she joined you for some drinks at your favorite spot. Nowadays, you and Jesse spend as much time at each other's places as you do at your respective homes.
She's not your girlfriend, per se. You'd love to put a label on it, but for reasons that become apparent soon enough, it just can't work that way. But, you and her are quite happy with this arrangement and find it doesn't need labels. Jesse tells you that you're more than free to see other people. But you have no desire to whatsoever.
Sometimes, when you're laying in bed late at night, tangled up in each other, you think to yourself, give it a few years and we'll probably just say "fuck it" and get married.
But, alas, it seems that such dreams are not to be.
Why?
Because of the thing she trusted you with.
A year or so into your "dating," and you were both no longer wiping floors. You had both managed to move onto some things that were a little bit "bigger" and a little bit "better." You worked on a horse farm outside of Dallas. She worked as a night security guard at a local college.
One day, Jesse sat you down on her couch. Something was on her mind, something that wore on her quite heavily. Jesse promised it wasn't about you. It was, instead, about her past, the past she never, ever wanted to elaborate on.
You knew this meant she trusted you- and that meant more than anything.
So, she told you.
She told you about Ordinary. The mysterious object she and her younger brother Dylan encountered in the town junkyard. The events that followed.
And that's when it got weird.
Jesse talked about Them.
The Bureau of Altered World Events. Or maybe they were the Department for Paranatural Resources? Or were they the Anomalous Defense Initiative? Even the name of these people was elusive. But Jesse would figure it out eventually.
The Federal Bureau of Control. The Men in Black who kept up the lie that the world was this normal, orderly place that made sense. Jesse opened your eyes to the truth of it all. Gave you a peek behind the veil.
You would have been forgiven for thinking she was out of her mind at first. It sounded like she spent too much time reading that SCP website on her breaks. You started to laugh, make some cracks at her expense.
She was serious. It didn't take much to convince you of that. Then, she started pulling out the evidence. Blurry, grainy shots gleaned from internet forums. First-hand accounts of strange events posted on online communities that just so happened to be hit with massive cyberattacks shortly after these things were posted.
Jesse had spent much of her life tracking the Bureau down. She found a secret history of the world, one where the truth was a lot more complicated than what you had been led to believe. Since she obviously trusted you so much, you accepted it, thinking maybe this was not indeed the way things were. Maybe Jesse was wrong. Her obsession with finding this shadowy Bureau, proving that they had kidnapped Dylan, would pass.
It did not. As she grew closer to the trail, the evidence in favor of the secret world of monsters, magic, and weird science seemed more and more solid. To most, they would regard Jesse as a wide-eyed conspiracy theorist that has watched one too many episodes of Ancient Aliens and reads too many online posts made by people who support her delusions. Maybe back in the 90s, people would have labeled Jesse as someone who spends the early mornings listening to Coast to Coast AM and calling in about black helicopters chasing her.
But, you know Jesse is not delusional, not insane. She's actually the sanest person you know. Because she understands that the world is not the neat and hum-drum place everyone wants it to be. You've always suspected that there were things in this world that crept about in the darkness just outside the light of civilization. And Jesse presented some pretty convincing evidence of this fact.
A week ago, Jesse told you that she tracked down the location of the Bureau's headquarters. She said it was in the middle of Midtown Manhattan.
Not exactly where you imagined the headquarters of a shadowy organization that went to great lengths to cover up their existence.
What you did not expect was her to say I'm going.
Going? You had asked.
Yeah. Going. Going to find Dylan.
That was the start of your first real argument. Of course, you said that this course of action was not the best idea. These people… if what Jesse said about them was true, then walking straight into their HQ and demanding they spill their secrets was most likely a very poor course of action. You had a rather sinking feeling this would result in Jesse disappearing and never being seen again
Of course, she didn't feel this was what would happen. She said she would be able to handle herself. You did not doubt this, but no amount of "handling myself" would protect her if her requests to see Dylan would be met by a bullet to the face followed by being tossed into an incinerator.
It got ugly. You thought she'd just give up and leave you there while she went off to New York ready to raise hell at the Bureau. But, since you are both functioning adults with some life experience, you were able to talk it out.
You understood where she was coming from. But you were just so damn scared.
You hovered around using the L-word when talking to her. You wanted to drop that on her, but you weren't sure if it was the right time. Jesse was the most amazing woman in the world. Of course you didn't want to see her get hurt.
But, you knew she wouldn't change her course. When Jesse got an idea in her head or made a plan, she went and carried it out regardless of what stood in her way. This was also something especially close to her heart. It was about Dylan, who was on her mind constantly. At the end of the day, she just had to be the big sister and be there for her brother. You understood. And you knew you wouldn't be able to stop her.
The only promise you made her make to you was to find you one day and let you know what went down.
"You want to say something," Jesse suddenly says.
You roll over to face her.
"How'd you know?" you ask.
She gives a smirk.
"I can feel it."
"You know me so well."
Jesse holds up her hand to invite you to speak.
"Well," you begin, "how do I put this?"
"Use your words."
You chuckle.
"Alright. I'll just get to it then."
You take a deep breath before continuing.
"I saw the tickets."
Jesse looks off into the distance. She tries to keep her face neutral.
"You're leaving tomorrow," you add.
"Yeah," Jesse says, guilty.
The silence between you two hangs much longer than you'd like.
"I'm not mad," you say quietly, "I was just wondering if you were going to say goodbye to me."
Jesse reaches over and tentatively takes your hand. Her thumb rubs the back of your hand for a while.
"I was," she says softly. Jesse doesn't raise her voice, try to argue with you, or try to justify her actions. She knows.
"Okay," you respond. It feels like that should be the end of it, maybe.
"I'm sorry you had to find out like that," she goes on.
"No, it's okay… you gotta do your thing."
Jesse sighs, in a way that states anger at herself.
"No, it's not okay. You're the only one who I dragged into my fucked up life that actually stuck around. And now, here I am about to go running off to Manhattan to chase down the goddamn Men in Black."
Jesse clenches her jaw and rubs the bridge of her nose. She scoffs and shakes her head.
"You deserve more than waking up in the morning and seeing me packing my shit, followed by some half-hearted apologies as I run out to my Uber."
"I stayed around because I knew what I was getting into," you say, "okay- I can't say I really expected all the… other stuff that came with it. But I knew from the start you were someone who was a lot different than the other people I've known. And that's probably why you just couldn't keep me away!"
"And I appreciate that."
You let go of her hand and reach over to brush away a lock of hair from out of her face before gently sliding it down to cup her cheek. Jesse smiles, closing her eyes as she melts into your hand.
"Look, Jesse… I like you. A lot. You let me into your life- you trusted me. And I'll always remember that. I don't know why me, of all people, you chose to let you into your world. But, I'll always remember the fact that you let me in."
"It was you because you're different. I'm different. I admit it freely."
"You're different… I'm different… guess it just works, right?"
She giggles.
"Yeah. Right."
"Hey- here's an idea," you begin.
"Mhmm?" Jesse mumbles as she reaches over and alternates between stroking your hair and playing with your ear.
"Why don't you hold off for a bit? We can get some of the guys and girls together… get some guns, storm the Bureau. They can't stop all of us!"
Jesse lightly slaps you and laughs.
"That's a horrible idea."
"You're probably right."
She continues to chuckle, probably at the mental imagery your suggestion conjured.
"Well, here's a slightly less awful idea."
"Go for it!"
"Why don't you bring me?" you ask, without a hint of jest.
Jesse opens her eyes and searches yours. You blink. She looks away.
"Hey," you continue, "listen, I'm serious. We can go together, find these Bureau guys. If they're as bad a news as everyone says they are, you might need some back-up."
"Not implying you couldn't totally tear down the Bureau's HQ with your bare hands, of course. I'll be, uh, moral support!" you add.
Jesse laughs once and smiles.
"You know what I'm gonna say, right?"
"Probably," you say with a sigh.
"I can't let you do that," she finishes.
"I figured. But you know, I would follow you to the Bureau if you wanted me to."
Jesse takes your cheeks into both hands and brings your lips to her own.
"I know you would, that's why I need to say no."
"What's the worst that could happen?"
"I don't know," Jesse says with a shake of her head, "I don't. Which is why I need to do this myself. For my whole life, I've been tracking these people. I've made it my mission. If it all fucks up, I don't want someone else paying for it. After Ordinary, I had a chance to just give up and forget it. I'm sure the Bureau just hoped I would. But, I haven't. I chose to keep up the chase. And I'm ready for the consequences- whatever they may be."
You see the look in her eyes. A fire that flickers back and forth in the low light of your bedroom.
"Okay," you finally say.
You can't bare the thought. The one of her going alone to whatever that place was the Bureau called home. You'd much rather be by her side, facing down whatever it was those people throw at you two.
But, you know Jesse. You know her pretty well and you know she would never let you get hurt, even if you begged, pleaded, and yelled at her to let it happen.
Which is why you just gave a single nod.
"Okay," you repeat, "I just don't want you to get hurt."
"Oh, I'll be fine. They didn't kill me back then, they won't do it now."
"Just be careful when you get there."
"You know me."
Jesse exhales deeply and snuggles into you. You reach an arm around her waist to pull her into your frame. She fits against you just right.
"Am I gonna see you again?" you ask after a while.
That's the question you've been dreading the answer to. You know what the likely answer will be.
"You will," Jesse softly responds after a few long moments.
It's not the response you were expecting.
"I promise," she says.
Jesse doesn't make promises she can't keep.
You're not sure how to respond for a while.
But you decide to nod and kiss the top of her head.
"I'll look forward to it."
You wake up the next morning to the Sun's rays on your face. It's your natural alarm clock.
Your first instinct is to reach out and grope around for Jesse's body next to you. In your mind, you're forming a promise to make coffee and call a cab for her.
Instead, you feel emptiness where her warm body should be.
You sit up. Jesse's gone. The sheets have been kicked off. Her boots are missing.
There's a piece of paper where she should be. You tentatively pick it up.
Your name is on the top of the page.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't wake you.
I just couldn't go and have to leave and have to watch you stay while I left to go do whatever the hell I need to. I just couldn't. I hope you forgive me.
Regardless of what happens, I want you to know that the time I shared with you is time I enjoyed every second of. You gave me stability, something to hold me down as I tried to navigate the insane rabbit hole I fell down. Not everyone can do that. But, you did.
I'm going to keep my promise to you, no matter what. I'll see you again. Maybe not tomorrow, but I will. I hope you wait around for me. Because when this is all done, I'll be coming back to you.
God, I'm terrible at these.
I hope when the time comes, you can forgive me for this. I would understand if you didn't want to. But I hope you can. That's all I hope.
Keep the light on. I'm coming back.
Love,
Jesse
You fold her note and bring it close to your chest. As you close your eyes and exhale, you hope that Jesse is okay, that she's finding what she's looking for.
It takes a moment to forgive her. All that's left is for her to keep her promise.
A year later and things aren't much different. You haven't heard from Jesse. You don't know what happened at the Bureau, if she made it, if she found Dylan. You don't know what went down. Every single day, you hope for a text message. A knock on the door. Something.
There are more pressing matters at hand, though. The horse farm closed yesterday. They handed you your last check as you walked out. That check is going to have to hold you over until you can get something else.
You sit at your kitchen table, mulling your options. That's when you hear three quick knocks at the front door.
You weren't even thinking about Jesse in the moment. You get up, mumbling questions about who would possibly be coming for you.
The door is swiftly opened. Standing there is Jesse Faden.
Your eyes don't believe it at first.
They don't until she smiles.
"Jesse?" you ask.
Jesse laughs.
"Jesse?!" you repeat, a smile spreading across your face as you feel your legs might give out.
"I-" you begin, "what, what happened?"
She's wearing a formal black and white suit. Jesse was never a business suit kind of girl. But, she looks good in it. As if that suit was made for her.
Your questions are silenced as she throws her arms around your shoulders and pulls you into a kiss. You're more than eager to let her know how much you've missed her. It seems like she's ready to do the same.
"You need to tell me," you begin breathlessly, "you need to tell me- what happened?"
"It's a long story," she replies as she releases you.
"I got some beer in the fridge…"
Jesse grabs both of your hands and puts them into her own.
"That does sound good. But first, I need to make you an offer."
"Oh yeah?" you ask, now intrigued.
"Yeah. See, I heard the farm closed."
You blink, taken aback. That wasn't exactly national news.
"Wait, how did you-"
Jesse smiles. You stop your questioning. It's a smile you know, one that says wait until you hear this.
"Here's the thing. I've been told that the Bureau needs some jobs filled."
You're too stunned to react. Your mind begins to form the millions of questions you're about to hurl at Jesse.
Jesse looks up, locking eyes with you. She grins, a knowing look in her eyes.
"And I think you're the person I'm looking for."