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Simon
First kisses…
I never expected to end up here, leaning towards Baz, his lips inches away from mine, about to kiss him. I didn’t think that this was even in the realm of possibilities. I mean, who would have thought that I would want to kiss Baz? Or that I would be the one to initiate it, my hand sliding from his cheek and into his hair, whispering kiss me?
I didn’t think that this was something that I would ever want with him. He’s been my rival for years, someone I fought with constantly. I’m not supposed to want to do anything but fight with him.
As I lean closer, though, there is no mistaking this feeling. I want this first kiss with Baz, and I want so many more afterwards.
The first person I ever kissed was Agatha. And she’s also the only person I’ve ever kissed.
Kissing her was not like I thought it would be. I used to think that a first kiss with someone would have fireworks and feel like it was finding another way to fit together with someone special, but it wasn’t like that at all.
I’m not even really sure that I kissed her for the right reasons. I wanted to - or thought I did anyway - but still, it felt like I did it to prove something to myself.
Penny was asking about me and Agatha and how we were doing, and then she started talking about her and Micah and how he had kissed here right before he left She’d told me about this several times, even though I had been there to witness it.
They’d been dating for a year at the point that she brought up me and Agatha, and even though they didn’t see each other much, she was still head over heels for the guy. I’ve never understood why I never felt that strongly about Agatha.
You’d think that I would have talked about her as much as Penny talked about Micah, but a lot of the time, it’s kind of like out of sight, out of mind. Looking back now, I feel guilty. I was a terrible boyfriend, and I don’t blame her for breaking up with me. I’m surprised that she didn’t do it sooner.
Anyway, when Penny asked about what my first kiss with Agatha was like, I had to admit to her that we hadn’t actually kissed yet, even though we had been dating for several months.
Penny said that that was fine, that people move at their own pace, but I knew that it was weird that Agatha and I hadn’t kissed yet. There isn’t a timeline for these things as far as I know, but I’m pretty sure that I was supposed to have at least tried to kiss her by that point. I was supposed to want to, but I didn’t.
A few days after having that talk with Penny, I couldn’t get the thought out of my head that I was doing something wrong with Agatha, that she would break up with me if I didn’t make some kind of move, so I did, and now, I feel like I kissed her out of obligation rather than out of want, and I feel bad.
What’s worse is that I’m pretty sure that it was the shortest kisses in the history of kisses. It was one of those kisses where your lips just barely brush before you pull back for a moment and then lean back in and kiss for real, longer and with more feeling the second time.
There was no leaning back in with Agatha. We both felt kind of awkward, and we went back to whatever it was we had been doing, acting like nothing happened. It was basically as unromantic as it could get.
After that every one of our kisses felt forced and like they were simply for show.
That right there should have been a sign that we weren’t good together, but we loved each other and being together was better than ending up alone. Now, I’m thinking that maybe I was wrong.
I let my eyes fall shut as Baz and I lean closer, a smile tugging at my lips.
Maybe this first kiss will be different.
Baz
First kisses...
Even though I’ve never kissed anyone, I’ve imagined kissing several different guys before. Some were celebrities who I found attractive, and some were boys in my classes.
But there was only one person who I’ve wanted to kiss so badly that I thought it would kill me. There’s only one person who could make my face warm just by smiling and make my heart skip a beat when they acted friendly with me, even after all the things that I had done to them. Only one person has had the effect on me that Simon has.
I never actually expected to end up here, sitting on the floor of our room as he leans closer and closer to me.
When I thought about kissing someone before this, I kept wondering if I would do something to accidentally Turn them. I would never intentionally do that, and I didn’t want to risk it just to see what it was like to kiss someone.
I’ve thought about, kissing someone I knew I didn’t have feelings for, but when I finally kissed someone, I wanted it to be special.
I wanted it to feel like we were drawn together, like we couldn’t seem to stay away. I didn’t want it to be something that felt forced and that neither of us really wanted.
When I’ve imagined a kiss where sparks fly and I melt into someone’s touch, Simon was always the person kissing me. I knew that it would never be a possibility (he hates me after all) but I couldn’t stop thinking about being with him.
As Simon tilts his head and closes his eyes, I know that I won’t Turn him. I’ll be careful. All I want to do is kiss him.
I let my eyes fall shut and let him close the final bit of distance, hoping that this first kiss will be everything that I hoped it would.
Simon
The perfect first kiss…
Our lips finally meet, and I realize that this is what a first kiss should feel like.
It should be butterflies in your stomach and your heart racing out of your chest. It should be nervousness but also excitement. It should be a little awkward as you get used to it, but it’s okay because of who it’s with.
Mine and Baz’s lips barely brush before we pull back again, meeting each other’s eyes, like we’re making sure that this is real. And then we’re leaning in again, pulling each other closer, and kissing more firmly this time, our lips fitting together perfectly.
I lean against him, and he softens, one hand wrapping around my waist to hold me close to him.
Behind my eyes, I see fireworks, just the way that I always imagined, and as I press more firmly against him, it’s like we fit just right. It’s like two puzzle pieces locking together. We were meant to be like this.
When we have to pull away, I know that that was the perfect first kiss. It was with someone unexpected, but it really wasn’t all that surprising.
I’ve always been consumed with thoughts of Baz, so it makes sense the fireworks would come from being with him, and I’m happy about it. I wouldn’t have wanted this magical first kiss to be with anybody else.