Archive of Our Own

The leaves had begun to change, the temperatures dropped, and sweaters were pulled out of the storage bins they had been stuffed in for the summer. As autumn approached the whole town seemed to feel it, not just in how they began to put up their decorations, dress a little warmer to protect against the breeze. But in the way they felt change, with each new gust of wind it brought with it a new hope, and carried away the negativity from the season prior. And as Louis Tomlinson sat looking out his window he thought that was exactly what he needed, a fresh start.
It wasn’t that his life had fallen apart, all his friends abandoned him, or anything really, it was more that nothing was happening. He just felt sort of stuck; stuck in the same routine, the same group of friends, the same patterns he’d been in his whole life, and his parents had been in before him. Maybe it was more of a frustration for the way of life than his life particularly, a general disdain for the lack of change in small town life and less to do with the decisions he made. He liked his friends, liked his school, liked some of the girls there enough, but none of it made his heart race or his eyes leak or his stomach fill with butterflies. It was just all too mundane for him. He felt it under his skin, like an itch he couldn’t scratch, that need for adventure and excitement.
As the new breeze blew in he hoped it brought with it a tragedy, a romance, a change. He wanted nothing more than to feel like he had no idea where his life was going to take him, to escape the cycle he had been born into. Go to school, grow up, get a job, get married, have kids, die, repeat. He just wanted something more, a job he actually liked, a spouse he actually loved, a life he actually participated in, instead of just floating through. He sighed out at the sight of his small street from the window after catching a glance at the clock, he knew it was late enough, he had to start his homework in order to be able to get it done for tomorrow. But as he sat down at his desk and the sun began to set outside, sky lighting itself up orange like the falling leaves, he didn’t really know why he was doing it.
Louis had always liked autumn, he hadn’t always hoped it would uproot every part of his life, but he had always liked it. He liked the way he felt sitting outside in a sweater nuzzling a cup of hot cocoa, just cold enough that he felt his cheeks getting rosy but not cold enough that he couldn’t bear to be outside. He liked the colors of it all, the warmth and the beauty of the falling leaves, of the many decorations set around the neighborhood. He like pumpkin pies and thanksgiving and horror movies. But more than any of it, he always liked Halloween. It was the rare sense of excitement he felt getting to put on a costume, becoming somebody else for a night. Someone who was more exciting, who had an unpredictable life full of love, action, and adventure. Ever since he was a little kid he had planned his costumes weeks in advance, enlisting his mothers help sewing the outfits or helping him find all the pieces to put it together.
As much as he normally looked forward to Halloween he wasn’t so sure this year would be one he looked forward to quite as much. He was too old to trick-or-treat now, he had stopped that two years ago, staying in with his friends last year to watch horror movies and eat candy until they passed out, but they still dressed up to answer the door for trick-or-treater’s and take his sisters around for a bit. Although he felt fine about it last year, he wasn’t as keen on just staying in this year, still quite bummed he couldn’t go out to get candy anymore, and definitely lacking motivation on this year’s costume. Everything felt more exhausting now, even the things he liked before didn’t really capture his attention, he just couldn’t see the point in it all.
He had all but decided to forego a costume for that year completely when his friends decided to bring the topic up at lunch. They all seemed more enthusiastic than he felt about dressing up this year. “I don’t know guys,” Louis started, looked around his group of friends, feeling like as big of an asshole as he probably sounded right now, “it's not really the same now than we can’t trick-or-treat anymore don’t you think?”
Liam scoffed at the older boy “oh come off it, we’re dressing up. You forced us for years, now if you need a little nudge I’m sure we would all be more than happy.” There was a silent agreement among the table as the other two boys nodded in agreement. Louis groaned, he loved his friends but sometimes he wished he hadn’t driven them crazy for so many years, so they didn’t have an excuse to do it back.
“Yeah you’re not getting out of this one that easy Tomlinson. Why don’t we do a group costume?” Zayn drawled out in his thick Bradford accent before looking around the small table, silently asking for suggestions.
“Harry Potter?” Liam suggested, his voice hopeful.
“Nah, not enough male parts. What about Peter Pan, we could be lost boys?” Niall proposed.
Louis snorted “You will not be catching my ass in tights anytime soon, no sir.”
“Ah but what a fine ass it would have been. But I’m coming up blank. I think Liam’s idea was good, some of us just put on wigs and we could make Harry Potter work.” Zayn responded. Everyone thought about it for a moment, seeming to agree with Zayn’s plan. “And Liam should be Hermione.” He added with a smirk.
“I second that! And I call dibs on Hagrid.” Niall practically shouted at the group.
Liam looked slightly upset but agreed nonetheless “Fine, fine. But what will you guys be?”
“Zayn could be Ron? I don’t really think I fit anywhere.” Louis said, his first contribution to this group plan since they started discussing it.
“Ah yeah, he’s sick, I like that. And as for Mr. Louis Tomlinson, I say slap on a blonde wig and call you Draco Malfoy.”
“Oh my god, are you serious? None of this would even make sense, no one will get the costume without a Harry anyways.” Louis retorted, hoping that seeing this error would make them rethink this decision.
“Oh, I have a friend who would be a perfect Harry, I’m sure he’d be happy to join us. And I don’t know what you all were planning to do for Halloween but Alyssa’s throwing a party that we could all go to.” Niall said, because of course he did. Of course Niall would know all the right people to make this horrible Halloween nightmare his friends were forcing him into a reality.
“Perfect Ni, it’s all settled then.” Liam responded with a smirk before returning to his hamburger and watching Louis slip dramatically from his chair onto the floor with a series of loud groans, which all the group purposefully ignored. This Halloween was going to be his worse yet.
The next few days at least his friends didn’t bother him too much about the costumes again. They were able to return more of their normal lunch time topics; football, girls, the disgusting slop that was the cafeteria food. Louis appreciated having the distractions from the rest of his life when he was able to just fall into easy conversation with friends, not worrying about his future, or why he really never felt quite right anymore. But it became increasingly difficult for him to ignore his own feelings, he began to feel like his negativity was weighing him down constantly. It was harder and harder for him to feel really happy, even with things he absolutely loved before. He felt bad about being in such a poor mood around his friends and family but also helpless at the same time. He didn’t want to play with his sisters, or just hang out with the lads, or do anything really. Most days once he got home from school he had just enough energy to do most of his homework in between watching the TV and taking his usual nap.
He was content enough with this way of life for the next few days, feeling sluggish but continuing on with his daily routine nonetheless. He was hoping that his friends would just forget about the whole idea of costumes but of course, he had no such luck. He let out an audible groan when Zayn brought it up again the following week. “So how are everyone’s costumes coming along? I’m still trying to find the right hair for mine.”
“How hard could it be to find a ginger wig? If you can’t do it we could always ask Ed to step in, no costume required” Liam chimed in.
“Oi, you would abandon me for Ed that fast, that hurts Payno.”
Louis interrupted their banter, sounding slightly annoyed and feeling like a massive prick, “I still don’t see how any of this will work, you still haven’t even told us who you’re going to get to be Harry.”
“Oh never you mind Louis, I already asked him.” Niall pointed to the other end of the cafeteria, “He’s all for it too, it’ll be brilliant.”
Louis heart dropped to his stomach when he saw the boy Niall was gesturing towards, sitting with his back to the wall behind him and staring straight ahead with the most ridiculous doe eyes he had ever seen on a real person. He looked more like a Disney princess than harry potter, with a halo of curls surrounding his giant head, which for whatever reason made him more adorable. As soon as he set eyes on him, he instantly regretted agreeing to any of this ridiculous plan. As much as he wished for something to make his heart race, now that it was staring at him from across the room he wished he could just hide alone in his bedroom forever.
Being unhelpful as always Zayn piped up again “Oh yeah he’ll do fine, when do we get to meet him then Nialler?” Without hesitation Niall stood up from his seat and started walking towards the other end of the cafeteria. Louis couldn’t help but peek over to see that the other boys face lit up with a massive grin when he saw Niall approaching. Louis then proceeded to shove his face into his crossed arms as he was mentally screaming a string of curse words that would make a pirate blush when he heard footsteps approaching.
“Lads this is Harry, Zayn, Liam, and the bloke taking a nap on the lunch table over there is Louis.”
Zayn responded first, “nice to meet you Harry. You do know that the main requirement to be harry potter isn’t sharing the first name though, don’t you Ni?”
“Well then what would it be Zayn, please, do tell.”
He loved his friends but right now their playful joking was entirely too much for Louis and without even looking up at the scene his senses were overloaded. When the conversation lulled and he no longer heard the unfamiliar deep voice of the apparent teenage demigod beside him, he realized he couldn’t bury his face in the table forever and decided to face his friends again.
Expecting to be be greeted by nothing but familiar, albeit currently annoying faces, he was extremely displeased to see that in fact it was much, much worse. Harry had now decided to sit down, and along with the rest of his friends proceeded to stare at Louis in completely silence. His eyes darted along each pair of eyes, lingering just a beat too long over Harry’s crystal clear green ones. No one said anything and Louis sat there running through everything he should be saying right now but the words never left his mouth. For every second the words stayed in the awkwardness grew. He knew that he could easily make it all go away with a simple joke but he felt panic rise up his throat and nothing came out. He tried to open his mouth but only a small gasp came out and before he knew what he was doing he grabbed his book bag and ran towards the back doors. As he ran further it felt like the walls were closing in on him and the air was being sucked out of the room. His head was swimming and he felt dizzy as he grabbed for the door handle. He didn’t know what he was doing but he knew that he needed some fresh air.
Knowing his friends might run after him, he continued on away from the school until he turned the corner and the school was out of sight, but he didn’t stop running until he felt his heart rate slow and breathing return to normal. Thanking his lucky stars that no one had tried to stop him, Louis sat down on the sidewalk and tried to collect his thoughts. He realized immediately that he had just had a panic attack. It wasn’t the first time it had happened to him but it was the first time it crept up on him out of nowhere like that. It wasn’t like before when he felt an impending sense of doom from a major test, or a big decision or something like that. It made him feel like a complete fool for just freaking out like that in front of everyone for no reason. Well, he knew there was a reason but seeing a fit guy was no reasonable excuse to have a breakdown. He hoped that no one else had realized that was why he freaked and just thought he was stressed or something.
He thought about everything until it all became too much again and he remembered his breathing exercises. After a few minutes of deep breaths, he was calmed down enough to walk home. In the silence he thought about the excuses he was inevitably going to have to make when his friends called to grill him later. Once the deep blush of embarrassment and fear subsided he actually felt kind of exhilarated. Like the adrenaline rush after you do something terrifying. Although his brain was saying he needed to stay as far away from Harry as humanly possible, part of him, a less rational part, hoped that he would see him again. His head was still spinning in circles when he walked through his door and went straight to the bathroom. He was thankful that no one else was home and he could enjoy his bath in peace.
After a moment he began to sink into the warmth around him, allowing it to relax his muscles. He sat in silence until the water grew cold and the small bathroom was filled with steam. By the time he was done he could hear his little sisters running around and laughing downstairs as he crept across the creaky hardwood floors towards his bedroom down the hall. He couldn’t tell if they hadn’t heard him or just didn’t care enough to bother him at the moment but either way he was thankful. When he checked his phone that had been discarded in the back pocket of his jeans he was greeted by an abundance of missed calls, messages and voicemails. Knowing that if he just called back one of the boys they would relay what he said to the rest, Louis opted for who he thought would make the least fuss and hit dial next to Niall’s number as he pulled on his pajamas. He picked up on the second ring and had an undeniable tone of concern in his voice when he answered.
“Lou, are you okay? What happened?” Louis wasn’t able to get a word in before he started the questions.
“All good mate. Sorry about lunch I was just feeling the pressure with all my schoolwork and this being the last year to get my grades up you know. Just nerves was all.”
“I’ve seen you when it's just nerves, that was full blown panic. I mean when you saw Harry you just up and ran away.” Niall proved yet again that he knew Louis far too well to be fooled.
“Harry? Nothing to do with him at all. Just everything with my classes, honest.” Niall wasn’t convinced but he also didn’t seem keen to push Louis much farther so he dropped it. But when Niall tried to continue the conversation about something else Louis interrupted him, “sorry mate, can’t really talk right now. I’ve got loads of biology I’m behind on, see you at lunch tomorrow.”
Although he felt guilty about it he knew he had to cut the conversation short, if he had to hear anything about Harry again right now he was pretty sure that he would explode. He didn’t even really know why he freaked out, so there was no hope in trying to explain the truth to someone else. He knew that Harry’s appearance certainly played a part in why he was so overwhelmed. Buy why would that matter? He had thought some guys were attractive before but he knew he liked girls and was pretty sure those were different kinds of feelings. And he had always been calm with girls he was attracted to, he never really freaked out like that around anybody before. Maybe he was just so tired the sight of a new, mildly attractive person, was too much for his puny brain and it just went haywire. Yeah that made sense, sort of.
It didn’t really matter anyway, he probably only had to see Harry a few more times and he had time to get his emotions in check before then. And really he didn’t know anything about Harry, beyond his appearance, for all he knew he could be a total dick. Just one of the most beautiful men alive, with a smile that could make the sun green with envy, and an absolute total arsehole. At least that was what Louis was going with. If he just pictured him kicking puppies and stealing candy from babies, then he felt fine. So yeah, he could just be a gorgeous douchebag, no chance of any feelings with that one then.
Louis was trying to come up with more nefarious scenarios to envision Harry in and was picturing him making the elderly cry when he decided he needed to look through the rest of his phone messages. He saw five missed calls, two voice mails, and three texts from Liam, one call and a text from Zayn, three calls, one voice mail, and a text from Niall when he stopped scrolling to see that there were two more texts from an unknown number. Being momentarily distracted he forgot he was supposed to be imagining Harry as a criminal as he read the messages. His breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat momentarily once his brain started to understand what he was reading.
“Hey this is Harry, I nicked your number off Niall but he didn’t know so don’t be mad at him. Are you okay?” The first message must have been sent only minutes after Louis left the lunchroom. As if that wasn't bad enough there was more, because of course there was. “I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you. I’m also sorry if it has nothing to do with me and I’m just being a dick by assuming it does. You don’t have to answer I just want you to know that I’m sorry if it was my fault.”
Fuck. Some fucking shit that is. Here he is content in his world where Harry is a disgustingly hot delinquent and he has to go and send some shit like that. Of course with Louis’ luck he not only has an angelic face but he’s a fucking saint too. An actual goddamn Disney princess. He is so fucked.
Louis tried to put all thoughts of the message and Harry’s ridiculously attractive face out of his mind for the night and focus on actually getting some of the homework he told Niall about done. He got about halfway through before giving up and calling it a night. Louis tried to save whatever part of his sanity was left and just ignore the text but it stayed in the back of his mind. It felt like an itch that he just couldn’t scratch, he wanted to answer but had no idea where to even start.
By the time lunch rolled around the urgency of the text had dulled and he had all but agreed to ignore it for the sake of his own dignity, sure that he would turn into a blundering fool the moment he tried to respond.
But as was now becoming a pattern, he wasn’t off the hook that easily. When he walked in the lunchroom and once again saw an extra face among what is usually only his three friends he immediately panicked and started back out towards the hall. He was halfway out when he thought better of it. He had already been extremely weird around Harry and literally everyone had noticed, if he left now, he would only make things worse. So instead he had to put on a brave face, take a deep breath and try to focus on looking as normal as possible as he approached the lunch table. At least this would give him an opportunity to show the other lads he was okay so they’d stop worrying. Luckily everyone seemed to have the good sense not to mention yesterday's events when he sat down as far away from the new boy as he could get. It wasn’t until after he had settled in that he realized the flaw in that plan when he looked up and was staring straight into his eyes.
The conversation around them continued as normal but to Louis it was nothing but background noise. It all faded away when he looked into Harry’s eyes. Although Louis was still worried about not having answered him earlier, when he saw the kind reassurance in his warm smile and slight nod of the head that faded away. Despite the three other boys at the table for a few moments they were the only two people in the room. At least that was how it felt it him. But he was snapped back to reality when Niall nudged him from the side, pulling his gaze away for the first time since he had sat down. “Hey Lou, what do you reckon?” Not having any idea what they had been talking about he began to silently panic, “Err, I don’t know, hard to say really.”
The other boy looked back at him confused but before he had a chance to question the answer another voice piped up, “Oh come on Louis, we all know that it’d be Manchester, no question.”
Louis was surprised that Harry had picked up on his panic and offered him a way out of the pestering from his friends he would have faced. “Eh, probably, but can’t count the others out you know.” The response seemed to satisfy his friends as they went back into passionate conversation with each other. Although Harry turned back towards the group, when Louis caught his gaze he held it, a small smile on his pink lips until Louis silently mouthed the words “thank you” hoping Harry understood that he didn’t just mean for a moment ago. The boy looked at him and broke into a full grin, two large front teeth and dimples on full display. Actual fucking dimples, he looked like a cherub for fucks sake. Although Louis felt better about missing the text and appeasing his friends for now, there was a whole new kind of uneasiness resting in stomach. He pretended like he was just hungry as he shoveled cold cafeteria food into his mouth and avoided the gaze of the beautiful boy sitting across from him.
Over the next few days, Louis realized that Harry was becoming a permanent fixture at the lunch table and although it still made his heart beat a bit too fast, he was starting to get used to it. As much as it drove him nuts he really did fit well in the group, like he could have been there all along. They kept conversation between them to a minimum but the awkwardness faded over time and with the help of the other three boys supplying constant, loud conversation. No uncomfortable silences were allowed.
Louis still felt a little off as he had since the beginning of the school year but he was slightly more interested than he thought he would be at the idea of another year at the same school, with the same friends, doing the same things. If he’s honest with himself, he knows that it’s because of Harry. He tried to pretend that he wasn’t affected by his presence, but the one day Harry wasn’t at school as soon as he noticed his absence at the lunch table his heart sunk. It was nice to have a new face in with the mix, everything else being painfully familiar. And if that face happened to be more attractive than most, that didn’t hurt either. He allowed himself to indulge in Harry related thinking at lunch time only, when he could afford to sneak a few glances or get caught up in a bit of a daydream about those goddamn hands. Apart from that time he tried to put him out of his mind, deciding that this would be the year he would finally get his act together and fix his grades. As such he spent most of his afterschool hours doing homework and revising. As the days crept further into autumn he began to get more worried about getting into university and passing his exams and a whole new kind of dread set in.
For the next month or so his life followed a pretty steady rhythm and although Louis felt like it was driving him mad, he was partially grateful because his grades were the best they’ve ever been. Given that all the other lads had plenty schoolwork of their own they didn’t see each other too often outside of shared classes and the usual lunchtime banter. That was of course until Niall, being Niall, decided that was unacceptable.
Everyone stopped their side conversations as he addressed the table, “we haven’t all hung out together in ages. We need ta’ get together this weekend.” The others nodded their heads in silent agreement while Louis mentally groaned at the idea.
“Yeah, and Halloween’s like two weeks away now. We should make sure the costumes are all ready.” Liam’s reminder of the day Louis had been trying to ignore made him dread the idea even more. Just when he thought that this idea couldn’t get any worse, Liam continued, “we could all probably use a bit of a Harry Potter refresher anyway, what about a movie marathon?”
At this mention Louis finally piped up “oi, are you kidding me? That’ll take all weekend, I have an English paper due Monday!”
“Actually it only takes twenty hours to watch them all, if we pull an all nighter it could be done in one day.” Louis heard him before he saw who answered him but he didn’t need to look up to recognize the voice. He turned to Harry, who looked at him with a small smile before adding “and I could help you with your paper, too, if you wanted.” He didn’t keep eye contact as he said it, looking down at the table.
“Perfect, we’re all settled then. What about you Malik, up for it?” Niall questioned. Without looking up from his phone Zayn agreed and Louis just couldn’t believe that he had made such poor choices in friends. Not only were they forcing him to spend practically his entire weekend watching movies he didn’t care about, he was going to have to be close to Harry for an entire fucking day. And given that no one asked if he was actually going to be coming, he didn’t seem to have any choice in the matter. After all the years that Louis had spent with them, he knew it was no point arguing with his friends anyway. He would just have to resign to the fact that he’d have to start working now so he could afford a whole day of no schoolwork over the weekend and work on mentally preparing himself to spend that much time with Harry. As the bell rang for the end of the lunch period, Louis wondered when he became such a loser.
A few days later when Louis pulled up at Liam’s house it was darker and gloomier than it had been earlier in the week, the clouds hung low and there was a light drizzle from the pale grey sky. Although as Niall exclaimed, it was also “the perfect weather for a movie marathon.” Louis couldn’t help but scoff at that, even on such a dreary day Niall had still managed to be in a good mood, because when wasn’t he. If Louis is honest with himself, he was more than a little jealous of his enduring optimism. By the time he got there the rest of the boys had already arrived, Niall was messing with the DVD player and explained that Liam and Zayn were getting snacks in the kitchen. Louis was actually proud that he maintained his dignity upon realizing that this left only him and Harry, and went to join him on the couch. They held each other's eyes for a moment, Louis felt like he needed to greet him but also like the other boy already understood far more than what a simple hello could convey he looked at Harry. Like his piercing green eyes could actually stare straight into his soul and read his thoughts without him needing to vocalize anything. He considered letting the long stare speak for himself, but instead after several beats too long offered a simple “hey mate, how’s it going?” The formality felt foreign leaving his mouth. The small talk pointless when he thought about all the things he wanted to be able to tell Harry. How often he thought about his lips, the fantasies where they have a white picket fence and two dogs, how fucking thankful he was for the multiple times he’s saved him when he zones out in front of his friends.
On some level he was pretty certain that Harry knew too. There was no way he couldn’t feel the same tension, didn’t see that Louis’ attention always wandered when he was looking at him. But at the same time they had never spoken about it, or much of anything really, so it left Louis to constantly wonder how much of it was him projecting his own hopes onto him. Harry seemed to think carefully about his response, taking far longer than any normal person would to answer such a simple question. He turned to face Louis directly when he answered “I’m good, you?” For all that Louis had assumed Harry knew how to do, he was not proving to be an excellent conversationalist. Which in all fairness was probably a good thing, Louis knew that if he was going to have regularly converse with Harry he wouldn’t make it.
So he replied with his standard “I’ve been alright yeah” and they settled into the thick silence of the room. Louis tried to fidget with his phone to avoid any awkwardness or unnecessary conversation but Harry didn’t seem to get the memo, he never said anything but he kept his eyes trained on Louis practically the entire time. Louis pretended he couldn’t feel his gaze and ignored how much he wanted to stare right back.
When the other boys filtered back in the air seemed to get lighter, Louis felt like he could breathe better as they all flowed into easy conversation. Liam and Zayn came back with arms full of snacks they placed on the coffee table in front of them, and both settled in to the end of the couch. Niall took the arm chair off to the side and Louis didn’t realize until it was too late that this meant he and Harry had to sit next to each other, the entire time. When Zayn had squeezed in by Liam’s side, Harry had been forced to scooch further down until his arm was touching Louis’. He was forced into him even more as the first movie began and Zayn cuddled deeper into Liam’s chest, forgetting that other people existed in the world and kicking his feet out. He wanted nothing more than to be able to sit with Harry like that, but instead he sat awkwardly still with his arms glued to his side. And despite his best efforts, the couch was small enough that their skin frequently brushed against each other. It felt like his flesh was burning wherever he could feel him.
The film seemed to drag on for eternity, like someone had put in on half speed just to make sure Louis really suffered as much as possible. Halfway through his arm started to cramp from how straight he was trying to hold it, so he switched to a sensible arms crossed position and leaned into the armrest on his side as much as possible. This limited their contact to just the touching of their thighs and the occasional graze of the ankle from the others foot. After what seemed like an eternity, the end credits started to roll and Niall bounced up from his chair, declaring a bathroom break and darting out of the room.
Taking any excuse to relieve himself from the hell that was sitting next to Harry, he took the excuse to get up and stretch. His hope was that his friends would take this opportunity to shift their seats, or at the very least move enough that he could force his way in between them. But as he looked over, he wasn’t sure that he had ever seen two people as content as they were at that moment. God. Since that plan was a bust, he had to reconsider his options. He could sit back down and subject himself to god knows how many more hours of agony, try to force his friends apart and almost certainly offend Harry in the process, or walk away and delay the decision for however long it takes for him to go to the bathroom and wander back. Not feeling particularly enthused at any of his options, he noticed another that he hadn’t considered, the armchair previously occupied by Niall sat empty and was several whole feet away from the far too small couch. Louis knew if he hesitated he would miss his chance so he just went for it. Harry looked at him with questioning eyes and pursed lips as Louis wrapped himself in the warm blanket that had been abandoned and cuddled into the soft cushion of the headrest.
The next thing Louis remembered seeing was the end credit scene on the fourth movie. He looked around to see that Liam and Zayn had fallen asleep tangled up together, and Niall had dozed off on the other end of the couch, wrapped up so tightly in himself he looked half his usual size. Harry seemed to be the only one had managed to keep his eyes open and he stared back at Louis. He must have had a confused look on his face because when Harry turned to him he said “You fell asleep just before we started the second film. Just in time to miss Niall’s hissy fit I reckon. I uh, I put the blanket over you after.” Louis looked and saw Harry had indeed given him another blanket, and that he seemed to be only one on the tiny sofa that didn’t have a cover. Louis had been more than warm enough with just the small one that Niall had left behind, but thinking about Harry sacrificing his own blanket to give Louis extra warmth made his heart melt. It also made Louis feel like crap when he thought about how he had clearly snuck away so he didn’t have to sit by Harry, only for him to go out of his way to make Louis more comfortable. Just kill him now honestly. He couldn’t help but think about how Harry must feel, if Louis was obvious enough that he could tell it was because he liked him, or, even worse, if Harry thought that he had done something wrong to make Louis dislike him. The thought made Louis throat clench. He couldn’t stand the idea that he might be causing Harry pain.
He chose instead to focus on the soft dopey grin Harry now had, just wide enough that a small dimple was poking out of his cheek. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that y’know.” Louis looked around as he was talking, not quite daring to look Harry in the eye, “what time is it?” The sun had clearly gone down and everyone else fallen asleep at some point, but there didn’t seem to be any clocks to let him know more precisely.
Harry dug into his back pocket and pulled out his phone before answering, “Just turned one.”
Despite the fact that it was clearly late enough that everyone else realized it was time to call it a night, Harry remained bright and chipper, seemingly unaffected although he was only one who made it through the past ten or so hours of films. “Jesus Christ Harry, what are you doing still up?”
He offered a shrug in response, “I’m fine, took a nap earlier today. Do you think you’re up for good?”
Louis considered this, he didn’t really believe Harry’s story but also thought he’d end up staying up no matter what he said anyway, so he left it alone. He was also conflicted on if he wanted him to be there with him. He was thankful for the company but worried about what alone time with Harry might do to him. He nodded anyway.
Harry beamed back at him. “Perfect” he said as he stood up from his spot on the couch. Louis didn’t know where he was going but got up and followed him out of the room anyways. He looked at his back as he led the way up the stairs to Liam’s room. Watching the flex of his muscles as he climbed each step. When they arrived at Liam’s bedroom he stopped and bent down to a bag on the floor. They had all dropped their things off in here when they arrived and he knew Liam well enough that Louis didn’t hesitate to plop down on his bed as he saw what Harry had been digging around for. He joined him on the bed and opened up the laptop that was balanced on his lap. “So what class is the paper for?” He sat nearly dangling off the side of the bed despite there being more than enough room for the two of them, tucking his left foot under his right thigh.
The question surprised him, homework was probably the last thing on Louis’ mind right now and he had all but accepted when he came over that he would have to pull an all-nighter the next day to finish his paper before school tomorrow. He found himself shocked yet again at Harry’s kindness, that it wasn’t just an empty promise to help him. “It’s for English, supposed to be on The Great Gatsby.” As the words left his mouth, Louis became suddenly aware of the fact that Harry was going to ask him about the book and he would have to reveal that he’s barely through with the first half. He was planning on struggling alone with a hot cup of tea and sparknotes.
But Harry lit up at this, “Oh great, that’s one of my favorites.” Because of course Harry would be the kind of person to find the dull books assigned to you in English class interesting. He could just picture him curled up in bed reading classic literature under soft lamplight. He wondered if Harry thought Gatsby seemed like an arse as much as Louis did. He thought he probably didn’t. “Did you like it?” Harry spoke so softly to Louis, like he was a small child he was afraid would run away if he raised his voice. Louis was sure he didn’t deserve him.
“Haven’t actually made it all the way through yet. It’s a bit boring so far.” Louis was self conscious about saying something negative about the book when Harry had already said he enjoyed it, but something kept Louis from lying to him.
Harry let out a small chuckle but seemed unbothered by his comment. “Yeah, I didn’t love it the first time around either. There’s a lot of different ways to read it, you know some people even think that Nick was really in love with Gatsby. It’s a much better book if you keep an open mind. It’s tragically beautiful really, in a way.” This comment shocked Louis, he definitely hadn’t thought that when reading it, but now that he did the pieces started to click into place. He told Harry this and he just smiled back at him and started opening a document on his computer. He couldn't help but notice the way Harry said it either, like changing Nick’s sexuality made the book infinitely more interesting to him. He considered this for a moment but decided instead to push it as far back into his mind as it would go, needing instead to focus his mind on the task at hand. Harry’s long fingers took their time typing on the keyboard, pausing regularly to look down at the keys, tapping each one to spell out “Great Gatsby Paper”. It seemed like everything was happening at half speed.
Time passed around them after that but the air felt charged differently. Like they went from two magnets repelling each other to sitting comfortably stuck together as they spoke softly and worked side by side. Harry typed and Louis spoke, with Harry adding things and expanding on his ideas until Louis ran out of things to say, then Harry typed some more. They spoke more that night than they had over the past several weeks of seeing each other every day at lunch and the awkwardness that had hung over them subsided. They fell into easy conversation and Louis nearly forgot why he was scared until Harry rested his hand on his leg briefly and it felt like it called each cell in his body to attention, every hair standing straight up. He wore what he was sure looked like a pained expression as he tried to ignore the feeling of warmth coming from having his body so close. Eventually he moved his hand several moments later, apparently unaware of how it was affecting Louis, and after a minute his breathing was able to steady and the rest of the night was able to pass without incident.
Louis felt momentarily disoriented when he woke up to sunlight filtering through the blinds that weren’t his and looked down to see an unfamiliar bed. He was confused until he turned his gaze and saw a brunette boy tangled up in a knit blanket lying on the floor and he remembered where he was. He wished that he could have woken up with Harry in the same bed, tangled up in his limbs the same way he had wrapped himself around that blanket. He wanted to feel the warmth of his body pressed up against his and see the look on his sleeping face that was currently hidden. But then he remembered who he was. And who he was looking at and thinking about and sighed, already having accepted long ago that he couldn’t have everything he desired. And most especially not the person.
He could hear commotion downstairs so he made to get up but as he stepped out of bed it squeaked and Harry stirred below him. He turned over enough that his face was now visible, he was still puffy from sleep and his eyes dark as they hadn’t gotten more than a few hours’ rest once they had finally completed the paper together. Despite this as he slowly opened his eyes and they landed on the boy standing up across from him he smiled almost immediately. Always the one in the chipper mood. Why wouldn’t this boy made of sugar and spice and promises to help with homework and thoughtful texts not also be a morning person? Why, with his perfect halo of chestnut curls and soft sugar plum lips, would he not awaken with the sun each morning to sit up and listen to the bird’s chirp as the morning dew slowly melted off the grass? Because god was out there, and he saw Louis, and he must have done something absolutely horrible before he was old enough to remember, or in a life before his current one, because he was being punished. Taunted. God made the most perfect boy possible and then dangled him in front of Louis’ face like taunting a dog with a steak only to pull it away at the last second. Showing him all the delights that existed in the world and then relishing in the way Louis broke because knew he could not have them. Louis didn’t care for mornings, but of course a cruel god would make Harry like nothing more. It somehow made him even more appealing still to think that even a short night’s rest and an all too early start couldn’t dampen his persistently good mood.
Though all these thoughts ran through his head simultaneously he also knew he couldn’t afford to linger staring at his face for too long so he hurried up towards the door. He heard Harry getting to his feet behind him so he didn’t bother closing it as he left but rushed down the stairs without looking back anyways. Harry must have been going twice as fast as he was because by the time he reached the bottom they both walked in to the kitchen at the same time despite his head start. Louis added this to his mental list of things he couldn’t stand about Harry, he walked too goddamn fast.
When they entered the kitchen the rest of the boys were already there, sitting around the small table with plates of scrambled eggs laid out before them. They all turned their heads at once to look at Harry and Louis and the older boy felt a blush creep up his neck, which was not at all helped by the low whistle and “hello lovebirds, sleep all right?” from Niall. Not having the energy to think up a response that wouldn’t incriminate him and already being thoroughly embarrassed, Louis simply flipped him the bird as he walked to take a spot beside Liam around the table.
Harry on the other hand remained gleeful, obviously, and made a beeline for the fridge. “Actually we slept like the dead once we got away from you lot, you all snore like pigs.” A playful smile remained on his lips as he reached for the eggs and a pan from the cabinet with practiced ease. When they all started talking together for the first time in a long time Louis found he was able to fall into easy conversation with the lads, when he felt like he was drifting away Harry pulled him back in like he was the anchor and Louis was a ship drifting on the waves, almost breaking out to sea but not quite able to pull away. He was grateful that his presence was able to become something more than an infuriatingly beautiful distraction. With the exception of having to watch how much he stared, Louis found that having him there actually started to make him feel less anxious instead of more. It was nice to know there was someone there who cared enough to notice when he was struggling in a conversation and guide him back the way Harry had started doing. Not that the other lads didn’t care about him, he knew they loved him loads, but they certainly hadn’t picked up on those kinds of things the way Harry had.
Although he thought he would feel relieved, he actually found himself sad when it was time to part, everyone being too busy to finish the rest of the films that day but promising to reunite and finish the marathon before Halloween. But he knew when he was leaving that things were better than they had been when arrived the day prior, he could sense the change in the air between them, the change in himself.
When they all saw each other the next Monday things weren’t quite as easy flowing as they had been on the weekend, the change in location to the school cafeteria being a slight mood dampener, but the conversation was noticeably more fluid and anyone could have seen that Louis looked more comfortable with the group. Closer to how he was before but with something a little different about him. It wasn’t enough to get to that itch that still burned beneath his skin but he was grateful for the small change to his routine now. In no time at all it became all but commonplace to see Harry each day at lunch, to look at his perfectly structured face for the ten second maximum he allowed himself, make easy conversation with him and the other boys. This fact alone made Louis on edge when he realized that Harry wasn’t sitting at their normal table when he got to the lunchroom one day, his eyes immediately scanning the room in a panic until they found the boy his brain desperately sought. He relaxed at first but just when he took his seat and thought the crisis was averted he felt his stomach drop.
Harry was standing by a table on the opposite side of the lunchroom, with his back turned to Louis so he could only see the broad expanse of his shoulders and the smallest sliver of his profile. But he could tell as his shoulders rounded and turned inwards on himself he was laughing and smiling that ridiculously big smile. He was talking to a girl, one of the most popular girls in the school as a matter of a fact, and for every time he let out a belly laugh she giggled slightly and put her hand on his shoulder. Louis felt the reflexive tightening of his stomach as he looked on, bile threatening to rise up his throat. His face flushed and his palms began to sweat and he couldn’t bear to look away. He kept his eyes fixed on his back for longer than he had ever allowed himself to look before. He couldn’t tear his eyes away until Harry eventually turned around and with a friendly wave goodbye started to walk back towards his usual lunch table. Then Louis kept his eyes glued to the table and all he saw was his hands lying on the table directly across from him. None of the other boys seemed notice, or care, so they all fell into conversation as soon as he returned.
No one said anything to Louis but after several minutes of pretending to eat his lunch he could no longer ignore the scalding heat of Harry’s stare. When he looked up they made immediate eye contact, like he had his gaze fixed in just the right place the whole time, watching and waiting. Louis knew it was stupid to even let this bother him, it wasn’t like Harry did anything wrong, and it wasn’t exactly a surprise to see him flirting with a beautiful girl. If anything it was weird it took him this long to see it, he knew the way that girls looked at Harry, he was sure they were all over him all the time. And he thought Harry deserved that, he really did, but his gut didn’t quite agree and he felt like someone was wringing his insides clean like a dirty dish cloth to see it right in front of him. Harry didn’t quite seem upset but there was a silent knowing in the burning of his gaze. When he looked at Louis he was almost sure he could see straight into him, his filthy secrets like the decade old dirt on the cracked, stained glass of an appearance he failed to pass off as someone who was doing okay. He never said anything but they felt it, the silent acknowledgment that only they had noticed the difference present throughout the lunch period.
When they left the cafeteria after Louis waved a quick goodbye to his friends he turned away from them, beginning to walk towards his history class on the other end of the school. He expected to walk there alone like he had every day before that but he didn’t get more than fifty feet down the hallway before Harry appeared at his side, using his long legs at only half speed to keep up with Louis’ powerwalk. Louis was startled as he started speaking, softly but sure of himself, “Hey Lou, if you’re up for it I was wondering if you wanted to come around to mine this weekend? Watch a film or something?”
This request left him a little dumbstruck. Harry. Asking him to go to his house. Alone. Oh my god. Or was it alone? Oh god he didn’t know which would be worse. “Are the other lads gonna be around?” He tried to sound like this it wasn’t taking 99% of his brain power to process this right now but he was almost sure his voice gave him away.
“Nah, I was thinking maybe we could just hang out, maybe study too or something?” Harry spoke slow and deliberate, like he thought about every word before he spoke it and then took his time forming them. Louis watching the way his lips moved to avoid making direct eye contact, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts but somewhere in them the image of his perfectly pink lips swirled, his sharp cupid’s bow invading his mind.
He forced himself to tear his gaze away and looked into his clear emerald eyes when he answered, “oh, yeah, that sounds cool. Just text me.” He pushed each of the words out as fast as they would go, leaving no room for consideration or doubt. Harry nodded in agreement and with a quick goodbye he walked back in the direction he came. Louis was late to his next class as he stood in the middle of the hallway dumbfounded, watching the beautiful boy walk away, painfully slowly.
The rest of the week passed in a blur of pointless homework assignments and too short lunch hours. Harry hadn’t gone back to the girl he talked with earlier, but every time Louis sat down he couldn’t help but scan the cafeteria if the other boy wasn’t yet in his usual seat. Louis had done enough to keep up with anything urgent but found himself saving his bigger English project so Harry could help him with it over the weekend and felt pathetic. He thought a lot about Harry that week. In most ways they had been the same this week as before but there was an added layer of excitement and anxiety for Louis now, thinking of the time they were going to be spending alone. He was actually glad now that the boys had forced him to go along with movie night before, as there was no way he would survive hanging out with Harry alone if he hadn’t first been forced to spend that time when they were still there. But then again, if he hadn’t been forced to go along with that plan Harry likely wouldn’t have asked him around in the first place, and he didn’t really know if that was a good thing or not. Slowly but surely he was being desensitized to the experience of being close to him, little by little until he could handle things like sitting beside him at lunch or chatting casually over the table.
When Friday rolled around, he felt the electric pinpricks of excitement and nerves under his skin but managed to keep his cool throughout the school day, sitting quiet for the most part in his classes but making easy conversation at lunch. Neither he nor Harry mentioned to the other boys their plans for the weekend but he could tell from the conversation that the rest of them had already made plans themselves so he felt less guilty about spending time alone with Harry. A few hours after he returned home and settled onto his bed, scrolling mindlessly through his phone, he felt it vibrate in his hand and the notification bar at the top of the screen light up. He saw it was from Harry and felt his palms start to sweat and his heart pick up pace before he even read it. But he took a deep breath and clicked on his messages.

Harry: “we still on for this weekend???”

He felt stupid about how worked he up he was over those five words, feeling his heart flutter in his chest that he remembered, that he cared. Louis waited precisely five minutes to text back, not wanting to seem too desperate and of course feeling a hundred times more pathetic because of it. When his self imposed waiting time was up he realized that he didn’t actually know what he wanted to say however, so it took him another two minutes to actually respond.

Louis: “yeah! when were you thinking?”

It was a simple enough answer but as soon as he hit send he regretted it, chastising himself for word choice, or use of punctuation, or lack of emoji’s. Why is it that he couldn’t stop himself from putting a single “!” when texting people he wasn’t close with? He stared down at the messages, waiting for a response until his phone screen turned itself off when he hadn’t touched it for more than a minute. So then he sat on his bed and waited a few more minutes, looking down often to see if the black screen would light up. He tried to get up and flip through some school work after checking once more for a message and making sure his sound was turned all the way up. He didn’t make it through more a page before he gave up. Realizing he couldn’t stand to be in his room any longer he scooped up his phone and rushed down the stairs, stopping only for a moment to tell his mum he was going for a walk.
He felt better as soon as the cold rush of the autumn air hit his face. It was a chilly October day and he was only wearing a thin sweater but he liked the way the cold felt against his skin. He could feel his cheeks turning pink and see his hands going a little purple as he shoved them into his pockets. When he walked he heard the leaves crunch beneath his feet, their maroon and orange littering the sidewalk beautifully. Louis felt the cool air cleanse his mind, and as he walked he felt more and more peaceful, enjoying this rare moment worrying about nothing and soaking in everything. He walked a couple blocks down the sidewalk before he heard the distinctive chime of a text message from his back pocket. He reached for the phone immediately but before he read it he paused, wanting to savor the moment now that it had finally come. He looked ahead and saw a large oak tree just off the sidewalk, the little patch of grass beneath just barely having gone yellow looked like the perfect haven. He waited until he had walked over and situated himself underneath its canopy before he pulled his phone up again and allowed himself to navigate back to the message thread. He fought to contain his excitement but felt a slight smile creep on to his face as he watched his phone light up.

Harry: “Tmmrw night??? I’ll bring the popcorn and hot chocolate”

He felt the smile stretch across his face and his fingers start typing back on instinct.

Louis: “And what should I bring?”

He felt anxious as soon as he sent it, expecting to have to wait eagerly for a response, but one came back almost immediately.

Harry: “Just your cute self :)”

At that Louis face reddened immediately. He thought it was just Harry being cheeky but couldn’t shake the idea that he sounded genuinely flirty. It made him a little woozy to think about how he would react to Harry being like that in person, but he couldn’t help but be endeared at the thought. It was so like Harry to be flirty with someone he barely knew, going out of his way to invite him over. He was still nervous about being alone with him, but seeing that Harry was genuinely excited to see him made him eager for tomorrow. He walked back home that day with a smile on his face that he couldn’t shake until he fell asleep that night.
Although they didn’t have plans until later that night, Louis woke up bright and early on Saturday morning. He paced around in his room for a while until he could hear his little sisters shuffling around downstairs and figured they would serve as a better distraction. He found it hard to focus on anything that wasn’t Harry, Harry, Harry, but after more than thirty minutes with his family it would be impossible for anyone to not come away laughing and smiling. He felt much better once he had a smile on his face and pancakes and eggs in his belly, content to lounge on the couch and watch a disney movie with his sisters for the next few hours. When he finally peeled himself off the sofa, he immediately went for the bathroom and spent way too long showering and fixing his hair. After that he felt thoroughly ready for the coming night, and saw that his phone had two new texts.

Harry: “I’m boreddddd please save me”

The following text simply had his address and a little winky face. Louis shook his head, no matter how hard he tried to regulate his own excitement, he couldn’t escape Harry and his over enthusiasm. Nevertheless, he was glad he had texted. Now he didn’t have to awkwardly sit around for the rest of the day, and he actually had a reason to go over early. It was a win-win. As long as more time with Harry didn’t mean more time to make a fool of himself. But if he wasn’t able to make it through a couple more hours without losing his shit, then it would likely be a lost cause anyway.

Louis: “oh no, on my way :)”

Harry: “my knight in shining armor <3”

He shook his head at Harry’s continued cheekiness, pocketed his phone, yelled a quick goodbye to his mum, and he was out the door. He realized that he hadn’t been this excited to do something in a long time and it felt good to have something to look forward to. Harry actually didn’t live too far, so after a short drive he pulled up to the quaint, suburban home. There was a minivan parked in the driveway and a neat looking flower bed in front of the porch. He knocked on the bright red front door and immediately heard footsteps that sounded like they were racing down stairs. After a few seconds the door swung open and Harry stood there in a band tee and jeans, with a towel twisted around his hair on top. He had a goofy looking grin on his face that left Louis hopelessly endeared.
“Hey, come on in. Sorry I realized as soon as I texted you that I forgot to shower first.” Harry spoke as he led Louis until they reached a back staircase and went down into the basement, where Harry removed his towel and proceeded to shake his head like a wet dog. He must not have realized how wet he was because when he got water all over Louis he apologized for five minutes after. Harry showed Louis around the small basement and then the two settled on the couch.
“So what do you want to watch? I’ve got a ton of old DVDs but we could also find something on Netflix if you want.” Harry got up and opened a cabinet to prove that he did, in fact have a ton of DVD’s. Louis got up to look and saw that some of them were classics or childhood films like Disney, but there were quite a few that looked extremely obscure and that Louis had never heard of.
“Erm, I don’t know. I’m not really too picky about movies really, why don’t we watch one of your favorites.”
Harry had a devilish grin upon hearing that. “Oh man, are you sure you want to do that? I’ll pick but I would like it noted that I gave you the option to decide first.”
“Noted.” Louis smiled as Harry knocked his shoulder to move past him to get to the movie cabinet.
“All right. I’ll turn it off if you really hate it but my one rule is to give everything a fair chance. Really try to like it.” Louis nodded. He seriously doubted that he could hate anything that Harry picked. Or that he would really care all that much about what movie was on when he was getting to lay with Harry, alone, in his house. A movie would have to be a real stinker to put Louis in a bad mood under those circumstances.
Once he got the DVD in he came back over to the couch and settled in. Harry laid on the opposite end but it was a smaller sofa so they still ended up touching. Although it had freaked Louis out so bad before, he found himself being a lot more comfortable with this now that they had interacted more. His skin didn’t feel like it was burning where it touched Harry’s anymore, but he was still acutely aware of where they brushed together. Harry had turned all the lights off so that the only thing illuminating his face was the faint glow of light from the TV. Louis didn’t think that he had ever looked so beautiful. He had to tear his eyes from Harry to watch the screen and realized that Harry had put in Love Actually. Of course he had. As Louis realized what film it was he could feel Harry’s eyes on him, watching his reaction.
“Give it a fair chance, right?” For the first time since Louis had met him, Harry actually seemed kind of nervous as he said it.
“Of course. I’ve actually been meaning to get around to finishing it, watched it ages ago.” Louis tried to reassure him. At this Harry’s eyes seemed to light up.
“You’ve seen it before?”
“Watched a bit of it with my mum and sister’s before. They’re wild for it.” Louis had fallen asleep before he got halfway through, but he didn’t mention that. Harry smiled and seemed reassured after that. Throughout the movie he shifted around a lot and pointed out all his favorite parts to Louis, laughing and smiling along so much you’d think it was his first time watching it. Louis actually found himself enjoying the film a lot more than he ever had before. By halfway through, Harry had shifted so that his feet were dangling off the end of the sofa, with this head laying on the top of it so that he was hovering almost right above Louis. He felt the proximity and stayed aware of how close Harry remained above him until a few moments later when Harry apparently decided that wasn’t comfortable enough for him. He dropped his head so that it laid directly in Louis’ lap and scrunched his legs up so that his whole body was on the small sofa. At that Louis tensed immediately, suddenly becoming extremely aware of himself and doing all he could not to freak out and push Harry off of him. Of all the places on his body that was not where he would have chosen to have Harry lay. But apparently he enjoyed it because after that Harry didn’t move for the rest of the movie, but still made his little side comments from his new place below Louis. Eventually Louis eased up a bit and was able to focus more on the movie. When Harry finally raised his head up at the end of the movie and asked Louis if he liked it, he was surprised to realize that he was being honest when he said he enjoyed it. It might have had something to do with the beautiful boy that was cuddled up on his lap the whole time, but still. It was doubtful that anything could have made Harry happier than to hear Louis say that.
They sat in silence for a moment after, watching the credits together and enjoying each other’s presence. Suddenly Louis turned to face Harry, “Thanks for inviting me over.” Louis was unsure as he said it then realized how he must sound after he already said it. “Not in like a goodbye way or anything, I just, I wanted to say I really appreciate it.” He felt awkward trying to say anything vaguely resembling a discussion of feelings to Harry but he also felt better once he said it.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m really glad I invited you too.” Louis began to wonder if Harry could say anything without a beaming smile to accompany it. But hearing him say he appreciated spending time with Louis too made him feel instantly warm and happy. Louis probably could’ve sat on that couch for hours but after a few minutes he knew it was time to say their goodbyes and get home while he could still make dinnertime. When he left Harry’s house that night, he actually felt lighter. He had a persistent smile on his lips and he felt better than he did in a long time. For the first time in a while, he actually felt different.
Seeing him also seemed to brighten Louis’ weekend overall. He had a bit more of a bounce in his step and he was glad to see that Harry kept the text conversation going after they had already hung out. He only realized after that they had never quite gotten around to studying together, but even in his last minute cram session to finish the rest of his homework he was happier than before. When he arrived back at school on Monday it was only a few days until Halloween so that occupied the majority of the lunchtime discussion. Everyone went over the costume parts they had already had and Niall announced that he already got Louis everything he would need. He made a plan for Louis to meet at his house before they left for the party, but much to his disappointment Harry was going to be driving separately. Still, Louis knew that he had the actual party to look forward to, and he was sure he’d be able to see Harry there. Although he hadn’t been thrilled with the idea of dressing up at all this year, he felt himself starting to get excited the more he thought about the party.
The next few days flew by and before he knew it, Louis was knocking on Niall’s front door and being greeted by the overly excited Irishman pretending to be a giant english groundskeeper. Niall had a full beard and wig to match it, with massively oversized boots and coat to complete the Hagrid ensemble.
“Oh wow mate, you really committed to this huh?” It really did seem like Niall was somehow much larger with his costume on.
“Oh you know it Tommo, but don’t you worry, I’ve got something great for you too.” Niall seemed a bit too excited to show him the costume he had gotten him.
Louis followed him to his room, where he had already laid the costume out on the bed. He had a full platinum blonde wig, green tie and button up shirt, and actual slytherin wizard robes, complete with a wand. “You have absolutely got to be kidding me.” Louis couldn’t believe he would have to wear that.
“I know! Sick, right. Now come on, go and get changed.” Louis wanted to disagree and make a sassy comment about how not sick this was right now, but then he realized all the trouble Niall must have gone through to do this for him, and he thought better of it. He took the clothes and outlandish accessories to the bathroom and got changed, thinking all the while about how he could escape this party, mentally listing excuses to get him out early. Once he had the full thing on, it was even worse. The platinum blonde hair looked ridiculous on him, the shirt was too tight, and the robes too big. But when Niall came to see he put on a smile nevertheless, “Oh fuck yeah mate, it’s perfect.” Louis didn’t argue with him.
After Niall made Louis take approximately a million selfies with him, they eventually loaded up into Niall’s (mom’s) car and started for the party. This wasn’t exactly his usual crowd, so Louis didn’t know what to expect from this party. When Niall pulled up to the house however, he soon discovered that it was a whole lot more than he ever would have thought. The street was covered in cars parked all the way down, and the huge house was bursting at the seams. He reckoned that at least half their school must have been there and even before they went inside it felt crowded. Louis felt his anxiety start to creep up and was suddenly even more conscious of himself and his ridiculous appearance. He suddenly started to wonder if he would be able to handle going into this party at all. Before, it probably would have been no problem for him, but as he got older his anxiety got worse and he thought this might be just enough to push him past his limit.
Thankfully, Niall didn’t make him go inside straight away. “Zayn and Liam are still on their way, think Harry’s already here but ‘m not sure.” Niall said as he pulled his phone out and stuck it to his ear, presumably calling Harry. “Hey, get your arse outside, we just got here and I’ll be damned if we don’t get a group picture first.” It seemed Niall had no interest in waiting for a reply before he hung up and pocketed his cell phone. He could be quite short when he got really into something. After a minute, Louis saw a lanky figure with a bouncing halo of curls and a dopey looking grin jogging towards them. As he got closer he could make out his costume, if you could call it that. He was wearing a simple white button up and black skinny jeans, although he did have a lighting bolt drawn in the middle of his forehead and a pair of cheap looking round glasses. His slightly sweaty curls stuck to his face and were pushed to the side just enough for his scar to be visible, his shirt clearly had been tucked in originally but was now halfway out in the front and his jeans hung a little too low on his hips. He took Louis’ breath away.
“Hey guys!” Harry seemed genuinely excited as he greeted them, more excited than Louis thought he had been about anything in years. Harry took a second to scan over their costumes, his eyes lingering on Louis, “love the costumes, especially you Louis. Blonde looks good on you.” Louis most certainly did not believe him but the comment, and the slight smirk he wore as he said it, gave him butterflies regardless.
Before Harry had time to say anything else cheeky and unfairly charming, Niall caught sight of Zayn and Liam making their way across the street. As soon as Louis saw them, he instantly felt a bit better about how he looked in his costume. At least he hadn’t got stuck with anything like that. They were both in full gryffindor robes, wigs, and carrying wands in their hands. Zayn had on a bright orange wig and Liam a bushy, long, mousy brown wig with bangs that had been cut too short and were now sticking nearly straight out from the top. They were clearly taking the piss out of each other before the rest of them had a chance to, knocking their shoulders together and arguing loudly on the way over. They both looked extremely, undeniably happy.
Niall quickly herded everyone together and found a passerby to take their picture. Everyone pressed in close together to fit in the frame and Louis felt the familiar warmth of Harry’s shoulder pressing up against his. They took a couple pictures and although Niall tried to get even more shots, he was no match for Liam and Zayn, who apparently just wanted to get inside. They all split up then and Louis expected Harry to go his separate way as well and leave Louis to fend for himself, but he stayed by his side. “You really do look great. The costume is sick.” Harry said it a lot softer this time, like it wasn’t for anyone but Louis to hear. He always seemed a lot quieter when they were alone. Not exactly shy, but more reserved than when he was in big crowds or with anyone else that Louis had seen him talk to.
“Thanks, it was all Niall really. You look great too. I mean, your costume, it’s great.” Louis fumbled his way through the sentence and heard Harry chuckle softly at him. It wasn’t a mean laugh though, it was a genuine, friendly laugh. They fell into easy conversation as they both wandered back towards the house to join the party. Several people shouted to Harry as he walked through the foyer, but he simply shouted hellos back and continued walking beside Louis. Eventually they reached the kitchen, which was just as crowded as every other place in the house, but they stopped there anyways. They were both offered alcohol immediately upon entering the room. Harry took a beer from whoever handed it to him, but Louis declined, feeling like being like this close to Harry was intoxicating enough.
“Do you do this a lot?” Louis asked, “like drink, and come to parties?” He didn’t mean it to be rude or nosey but he didn’t think Harry would take it that way either.
He just shrugged in response. Louis thought that was all the answer he was going to get until several seconds later when he actually answered. “I mean, sometimes. Depends on what it’s for, I guess. And if I have anything better to do.” Louis was pretty sure that meant that Harry had been to more parties than he would ever attend. He was sure he wasn’t partying every weekend, but seeing as Louis had only come to a house party like this a handful of times, he definitely still had him beat by a mile. But he didn’t mind really. He liked the thought of Harry at a party like this. Drinking cold beer and surrounded by people shouting out his name, floating from person to person like the social butterfly he was. It was nice to think of him like that. To think that he could do something like that so easily.
“I have to admit you know, I haven’t done this many times. It’s kind of a lot to just be in here for me right now.” Louis tried to play it off a bit with a laugh that he was sure didn’t sound convincing.
Harry frowned immediately. It made Louis heart sink to see the way his smile dropped and his eyebrows scrunched together, but he couldn’t help thinking it also made him look incredibly adorable. “Well, come on. Let’s go somewhere more quiet then.” Harry jumped off the counter he had been sitting on and grabbed Louis’ hand, leading him silently towards the back of the house. Louis felt bad that he had made Harry worried enough that he was going away from the party, but also extremely happy to be away from the crowd and loud noise. And more than a little bit happy that Harry was so concerned about him.
He led them out to the backyard, which was the first place that Louis had seen the whole time that wasn’t absolutely packed with people. There were a couple of people standing out by the lawn but they didn’t seem to care much who else was out here. Harry sat down in a lawn chair away from their view and Louis took the seat next to him. “Thanks. This is … a lot better actually.” Harry just smiled in response, then moved his hand so that is rested on Louis’ knee, and began rubbing small circles. It made him feel like he was on fire at first, but then he settled into the feeling and comfortable silence, and the action started to be soothing.
“I just want you to feel comfortable is all. A party’s no fun if you’re stressed the whole time.” He kept rubbing his knee as he spoke, but looked up to gaze into Louis’ eyes as he said it. Every word Harry said felt like it came from the depths of his soul. Like he spent hours mentally sorting through every word and deciding how to phrase it so that the weight of what he said hit Louis like a ton of bricks. Maybe it was the look in his eyes, or the feeling of his hands on Louis’ body, or how trustworthy he seemed; but Louis was struck every time by how genuinely kind and caring he sounded.
“You don’t have to worry about me you know, I’m okay.” Louis wasn’t sure he could find the right words to tell Harry how much that meant to him. “But thank you for it anyways, you’re too nice to me.”
Harry stared so intensely into Louis’ eyes he probably could have seen straight into his soul. “I want to worry about you. I care about you.” As he said it he moved his other hand so that it rested on Louis’ shoulder. Louis felt himself involuntarily shift into his touch, moving so that his chair shifted closer, the armrests touching. There was a palpable tension in the air. Louis knew that he wasn’t the only one who could feel it now. They both felt the electricity around them shift, Harry continued to stare at Louis, his gaze shifting down to his mouth. Louis felt frozen as he watched him move as if in slow motion. Harry kept one hand on his shoulder but moved the other so it rested on his waist, then looked back into Louis’ eyes, silently asking if this was okay. Louis wanted to scream then but he felt his breath catch in his throat, he was stuck, transfixed, and Harry leaned in further. His heart rate rose until it was beating so fast in his chest he thought Harry could probably hear it. Louis parted his lips instinctually but remained still and Harry dove further in, slowly moving closer and closer to his lips. He was an inch away when he closed his eyes and pushed himself forward, pressing his lips to meet Louis’. Louis saw him coming and felt the panic rise all the way up his body until he was a second away from contact, when his body took over for his brain that was clearly not working. He leapt up at the last second, leaving Harry to lean into the empty armchair until he realized the boy he was searching for wasn’t there. Harry jolted and opened his eyes suddenly, he opened his mouth to speak but Louis rushed out and through the sliding glass door before he had a chance.
His blood felt like it was boiling and his head was spinning as he ran through the crowded house. He went into full fight or flight mode as he sprinted out of the party. He paid no attention to the looks people gave him as he rushed by, or the faint sound of someone screaming his name behind him. He ran as fast as his body could take him, the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the anxiety bubbling up in his head. As he ran out of the house and onto the street he felt the cold air hit him, but he still felt like he was on fire. Burning from the inside out even as his skin turned purple from the October chill and he ran, ran, ran. He went all the way down the street and out of the small neighborhood before he could stop himself. Finally, his mind made his body slow down enough that he could think again. All he kept seeing was the confused, hurt look on Harry’s face as he ran away from him. It played over and over in his head and he couldn’t get it out. He didn’t want anybody catching up with him so he forced his exhausted body to keep going, walking further and further away from the beautiful boy he couldn’t stop thinking about.
Eventually he knew his legs wouldn’t last all the way home in this cold so he pulled out his phone to see if he could get a ride. As soon as he unlocked the screen he saw several missed calls and messages from Harry, and he almost closed it up and forgot about calling for help. But he felt the aching of his tired legs and thought better of it, ignoring the notifications on his screen, going straight to his contacts and pressing dial on Niall’s number. He felt like absolute shit asking Niall to leave the party that he had so badly wanted to go to just because he was an arsehole who fucked his own night up, but he didn’t know who else to call and he was going to freeze if he stayed outside much longer. Niall answered quickly and asked no questions, promising to be there as soon as he could. Louis didn’t deserve him either.
He couldn’t believe how badly he had fucked things up. Harry had tried to kiss him and he absolutely ruined it. He had met the most beautiful, kindest, and most caring boy that he ever had the pleasure of knowing, and he ruined whatever shred of a relationship they had. Now, not only was he not going to get to kiss Harry, he wouldn’t be able to be his friend either. He’d never get to have another late night talk on the back porch during a party, he’d never get another chance to go over to his and watch a dumb romantic comedy on his stupid sofa. He had gone and ruined whatever chance he had. He couldn’t help but curse himself, and as much as he hated how he felt right now, it made him feel even worse to think about how upset Harry must be. He had been nothing but kind to Louis, went out of his way on every opportunity to treat him well, and Louis repaid him by leaving him hanging, his lips still pursed and his eyes searching for him as he ran away from his kiss. He knew that Harry would blame himself for making Louis freak out, and nothing made him feel worse than Harry thinking that absolutely any of it was his fault. In reality he had done everything right, it was more perfect than any fantasy Louis had ever dreamed of and he absolutely could not have asked for it to have been any better. He was slow and patient and kind and Louis did nothing but make him think they were on the same page, only to pull away at the last second.
It also hurt to think that this whole time Louis had been daydreaming about Harry, he must have been thinking about Louis too. Maybe not since day one, but somewhere along the way Harry must have started to think of them as more than friends. His decision to try and kiss Louis didn’t seem impulsive, it seemed careful and methodical, like everything else Harry did. And Louis knew that the signs were there the whole time. He had just been too blind to admit it, or to let himself believe it. He thought about all this and a million more things as he sat there, but when Niall pulled up and he went wordlessly into the passenger seat, he found his mind drifting back to the same image: that look of pure desperation and disappointment on Harry’s face as he ran away from him.
After Niall dropped him off that night, Louis didn’t talk to anyone else for the rest of the week. He feigned sickness and skipped school the next couple of days, not being able to bear the idea of facing Harry and the rest of his friends at lunch after what he did. He mostly sat alone in his room, overthinking and binging on junk food. The lads came to check on him and drop off all his missed schoolwork on Friday. He gave them all bogus excuses about being ill and thanked them for bringing his work, but he knew they didn’t buy it. They tried to get more out of him but after a while they could tell it was a lost cause. They left after about an hour and Louis went back to wallowing in his own self pity, now with the added anxiety of having to get all his missed work done over the weekend.
Things felt colder after Halloween. The temperature had dropped dramatically now that they were into November, and it seemed like all the happiness and hope had gone from the world. The world outside looked the way Louis felt; lifeless, gray and lonely. The one thing that was exciting him through this autumn was now gone, and it was his fault. Sometimes he took long walks in the winter cold at night, feeling the cool air whip around him and letting it chill his bones as he thought about how much he had ruined everything. He was no longer upset just about what happened that night either. Now that he had opened the dam all of the unhappy feelings started pouring out. He felt sad, and angry and frustrated and hopeless. He thought about how he had recked his relationship with Harry and probably alienated the rest of his friends, about how his grades were going to fall because of the school he was missing, about how his grades probably weren’t good enough to get into a decent university anyway, and even if he did he’d likely have to take a year off just to save up enough to go off, he thought about how terribly mundane and uninteresting it all seemed. Harry and his bright eyes and his cute dimples had been distracting him from it before, but now all those old thoughts crept back up on him and greeted him like an old friend. He settled back into the loneliness and despair, submitting to the fact that it was just his life now. He had thought when he saw the bright colors of leaves littering the streets there was a hope for a bright future buried within them, but instead all that came was the gray of winter. No matter where he tried to run, the cold truth always found its way back to him.
As much as he wanted to, Louis knew he couldn’t stay holed up in his house forever. There was still another month or so left in the semester and his mum wouldn’t let him keep skipping school for much longer. So on Sunday night he made the decision that he would go back to school on Monday. He didn’t know what that would mean or how he would get through the day, but he knew he had to. It wasn’t the first time he had to force himself to get up in the morning, and it most certainly wouldn’t be his last.
He had become so numb by then that it was easier than he would have thought to make it through his first couple periods. He had no life in his eyes and he never smiled, but nobody noticed anyway. It probably didn’t seem much different than normal to most people. When he saw Liam in one of his classes, he knew that he noticed the change though, and probably knew why. When he took his seat beside him, he said hello and tried to make a little small talk before class began but ultimately Louis was surprised that Liam didn’t try to ask too many questions. He must have known Louis wouldn’t be very responsive right now, he just gave him a sort of sad smile but otherwise acted like nothing happened.
He didn’t think he would be so lucky at lunchtime. Will all the lads together things tended to be a lot more rambunctious, and as a rule Niall was a lot more nosy than Liam. He was pleasantly surprised however when he walked in and saw the three boys sitting relatively quietly together, and no sign of Harry anywhere. Normally he would be concerned but today he was just thankful that he didn’t have to face him, he didn’t know what he would do when he did have to. The boys spoke to Louis but didn’t force him to talk, they were quieter than usual and absolutely nobody mentioned Harry. All in all, the day wasn’t half as bad as he had expected. But he still felt that bone deep numbness, like every hope he had for the world to ever be happy had gone away forever.
Every day for the next month went on almost exactly like this. After a couple of days he started getting really worried that it didn’t seem like Harry was going to school at all, but a little while later he saw him in the hallway and realized he must have just switched his lunch period. The realization made him feel both relieved and terrible. He was thankful that Harry had made it so they didn’t have to awkwardly glance over at each other every day, but Louis felt guilty that once again Harry had to go out of his way to accommodate him. Gradually the other lads returned back to normal and were as loud and playful and ever. Louis learned better how to put on a smile and joke along until they all started to believe he was okay again. In a way it was comforting to fall back into that old routine, back to painting on a fake smile each day instead of having a real one light up when he sat down every day. It was the one thing he actually knew how to do, it was what he was good at.
He didn’t know if he was thankful or terrified when school finally let out for winter break. On one hand he didn’t have to keep pretending to have fun with his friends, he wouldn’t have to sit through mind numbing class lectures and risk seeing Harry in the halls. But he would have to deal with overly interested family members asking about girlfriends and his mum forcing him out of bed each afternoon and trying not to fall into too deep of a depression. The cold air no longer felt refreshing when it hit his face, now it felt bone chilling. The biting wind would whip around him so fiercely he feared he’d fall down if he didn’t keep moving. So he tried to keep moving. The first few days he stayed in his room, but eventually his sisters forced him out and he relocated to the living room, where he sat on the couch and moved movies, mostly. It really wasn’t a whole lot more active than sitting in his room and doing the same thing, but his sisters and his mum were happier this way, so he did it anyway. Each day went as quickly as it came, passing in a blur the way winter days do, where each one looks the same and there is nothing to distinguish between them.
Louis didn’t know how many days had passed before he began to hear his family talking about his birthday and realized it was nearly Christmas. Which meant presents, and days full of helping his mum in the kitchen and visits to relatives house’s and having to hear happy birthday approximately a million times. When Louis was little, he loved all the attention he would get on his birthday. Because it fell on Christmas Eve, his family always made a point to make it special for him so it wouldn’t feel like he was forgotten in all the other festivities. But he actually liked having it fall on a holiday, he liked that he got double presents and had all his family there and everything smelled like delicious baked treats. Christmas was always his favorite holiday.
After how mundane everyday up until that point had seemed, you would have assumed that Louis would be eager for his birthday and Christmas to come around, but you would have been wrong. He absolutely dreaded every part of this holiday season, and worst of all he knew he would have to put on his best fake smile because everyone would expect him to be twice as happy as usual. On Christmas Eve, his sister’s woke him up, jumping up and down on his bed until he got up and then running out of the room before he was awake enough to catch them. His mum served up special birthday pancakes for breakfast that he ate with a forced grin and an occasional fake laugh at his sister’s comments. They were all buzzing for Christmas and the big party tonight at his grandparents. All of his extended family would be coming and they would receive all the presents except those from their mum and stepdad. Louis internally groaned at the idea but was glad that his sister’s were still young enough to be excited by it.
The middle of the day passed in the same way the rest of them had, with Louis lounging on the couch and watching films, one or two of his sister’s always coming in periodically to join him. His routine wasn’t disrupted until later, when his mum made him get up and go get ready to leave for his grandparents. He hated the idea of going to his grandparents. It was an old house full of outdated wallpaper and creepy doll statues. He wished more than anything that he didn’t have to go. Like every year before, he had to put on his best clothes and comb his hair neater than he normally would ever bother.
The night went about as well as could be expected. Louis put on a happy face and hugged all his aunts and pretended to like all his presents. They got home late and his little sisters woke everyone up early the next morning. As usual, once they were done opening the presents everyone’s excitement died down considerably, so he finally got a break. But he felt even worse after Christmas than he had before. There was something that felt horrible about being unhappy on a holiday where everyone else seemed to be ecstatic. He felt even lower then, like his body was sinking further and further into the pit of his own despair and he didn’t have the strength to pull himself out.
The next time he talked to one of his friends, he knew they could tell. Niall had a worried tone and an endless line of questions when they spoke over the phone, and Louis just barely convinced him not to come over, telling him his family had plans already. But he knew he couldn’t avoid talking to them forever. Eventually he would have to confront and just hope that they wouldn’t push him too far into talking about it. But still, there was no long term scenario Louis could picture where any of this worked out well, and so he had nothing to do but prevent the inevitable.
The days all passed in that same, indescribable blur, and before he knew it, it was the second to last day of break. He had been dodging calls and text messages from his friends for days, Niall being the most persistent of all. He kept insisting on coming over before break was done, and no doubt wanting to get Louis to talk about what was wrong with him. He only managed to get him off his back after he promised they would talk when school started back up.
That night, like many of the ones that had come before it, he was laying awake in his bed, unable to force his overactive mind to go to sleep. In his silent room the air felt stiff and heavy around him, until suddenly he heard a noise that made him jolt upright. There had been a small bang, like a knock coming from somewhere behind him. Louis looked around but couldn’t decide where it had come from until he heard it again. This time he was sure it was coming from his window. He knew it was probably or bird or something but his heart leapt up into his throat regardless. His mind raced with terrifying possibilities of burglars and axe murders and ravens coming to tell him of his impending death as he forced himself to pull the blinds up. What he saw outside his window terrified him more than any of the possibilities he had previously considered; with his hands stuffed into pockets and curls covered in snow flurries, Harry stood outside his window.
They stared wordlessly at each other. Louis didn’t know what to do with himself, first standing in front of the window and then moving to the opposite side of the room, then finally coming back around and undoing the latch on the small window. Without a word, Harry hoisted himself up and climbed through the window, closing it behind him and removing his coat before sitting down on the bed. Without thinking, Louis moved to sit beside him and looked into his face, lovely petal soft skin as always with his cheeks gone rosy pink from the cold. He didn’t question him but could feel his face contorting itself into that puzzled look. He just wanted Harry to say something, to say anything.
“I’m sorry. For coming in like this, and for Halloween. I know you probably don’t want to see me, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.” Harry stared into his eyes as he said it, taking even longer to get each word out then he normally would, considering each syllable carefully.
Louis searched for words to say back but his mind came up blank. He opened his mouth to speak, hoping words would follow, but instead he broke into laughter. Nervous, uncontrollable laughter. He tried to stop himself but every time he thought he got a hold of it, it came back until he was out of breath. “You… you’re sorry? What the hell Harry… I’m the one who’s sorry!” He said it through his choked laughter, in disbelief yet again of the boy who sat in front of him. He saw Harry open his mouth, getting ready to respond but he couldn’t stop himself now. He knew this opportunity and this boy was too good to be true and his luck would run out someday. He had to get this off his chest while he still had the chance. “Godamn it Harry, I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry I’m oblivious and and I’m sorry I’m so fucking scared that I would run away from the one thing that I’ve been dreaming of since I first met you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t just get over myself and call you all break when I knew you were blaming yourself. I’m sorry I always made you chase me, and even now, when I’m the one who ran away, you had to come after me. I’m sorry that I let you down, I’m sorry that you’re too fucking good for me.” He started out loud and passionate, but by the end it was barely more than a whisper. But he knew that Harry, looking and listening to him intently, had heard every word.
“God Lou, is that what you think? You think that anything is your fault? I knew you probably weren’t ready, I wasn’t mad when you left. I just thought you weren’t interested, and I was okay with that. God, I was just worried you hated me for trying anything. I was never mad at you, no matter what the reason, it’s okay if you weren’t ready.” Harry stayed soft and reassuring the whole time he said it, but he spoke faster than Louis had ever heard him. This time the words weren’t all carefully selected in his mind, they all came from his heart.
“But I.. I still shouldn’t have left you. I’m sorry.” He paused, not knowing how to continue. “I can’t believe you thought I wasn’t into you, I thought I was hopelessly obvious.” He laughed again, but this time it was a small chuckle.
“Well it wasn’t obvious, at least not to me. I couldn’t tell if you liked me at all really.” Harry looked almost sad as he said it.
Louis shook his head in disbelief. If there was one thing he was always sure of, it was that he liked Harry. He saw the younger boy staring up at him with hopeful eyes and realized that there was nothing he wanted in that moment more than to kiss him. He wanted to have a do-over of that horrible night when he ran away, and could feel the tension building in the air the same way it had before as he stared at Harry’s lips. Both boys knew what he was contemplating but they sat motionless side by side, each waiting. Louis felt the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and anxiety begin to rise up inside him. He wondered for a moment if he would ever be able to convince himself to move at all but then he reminded himself of how he felt the past couple weeks living in regret and he pushed forward. He went slow, slightly scared and wanting to savor the moment. His heart went from beating impossibly fast to not feeling like it was beating at all, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he looked at the boy in front of him and tears welled up in his eyes. He was a ball of nerves and raw emotion as he moved closer to Harry’s body, pushing them together just slightly and placing an unsure hand on his waist. He licked his lips and stole one more look at his emerald green eyes before taking the final plunge and pressing their lips together. Harry had sat still, waiting for Louis the entire time but as soon as their lips were locked he began to move in time with the older boy, pressing deeper and getting as close as he could. Harry moved so close that he was basically straddling Louis and the other boy was pressed against the wall as their bodies moved in sync. It was like a sweet symphony the moment their lips had met, their bodies magnets drawn together and puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together all at the same time.
When they came up for air, they both had huge grins on their faces and looks of pure disbelief. They laughed at how ridiculous they had been before, or maybe how incredibly happy they were now, or maybe both. Harry leaned back in and they kissed lazily for a while longer, moving slowly and sloppily. Louis didn’t think he ever wanted to stop, these past few minutes had felt better than anything in the past several years of his life. Not for the first time, he felt like was on fire, but in the best way possible. Like the warm sun was beating down pleasantly on him specifically and all of winter had faded away around him. For the first time in far too long, he felt warmth and brightness in what had been a devastatingly cold and dreary winter. But eventually they pulled apart, sweaty and out of breath. Louis missed the feeling as soon as it was gone but his heart swelled when Harry turned, still sitting in his lap, and plopped his head down on Louis’ shoulder. They rested like that for a while, both completely blissed out and speechless for what seemed like hours. Louis had hardly realized they hadn’t said anything out loud in so long, it felt like they had said so much to each other in such a short amount of time, until Harry spoke. “Thank you. This has been the best night of my life.” He didn’t look up from his place on Louis shoulder as he said it but the other boy could tell there would be a look of pure conviction on his face. He knew that he meant it.
“Mine too.” Louis hoped that Harry knew how much he meant it too. He had never felt as happy as he did then, with the warm weight of the younger boy lying on top of him. “I wish I could hold you forever.” As he said it, he felt Harry wiggle a little deeper, trying to get even closer together, and Louis pulled him in tighter.
Eventually, of course, he had to let him go. Harry had to sneak back out the window before Louis’ mom would notice and he slipped back into bed as Harry began the long walk home. He might not have still had him in his arms, but the smile he gave him never left his face.
The grass was covered in early morning dew as the snow melted away and the sun began to shine again. It seemed like spring was coming early this year, the flowers would be blooming soon and the weather had warmed up considerably. The sun shined down favorably on their little town. After that day, Louis’ world had changed. He no longer stuck to his former routine, no more moping around and watching tv while eating junk food for him. His days were full of more color, he started to see real happiness in his life instead of just fake smiles and forced interactions. Although Louis had promised a serious talk with Niall before, as soon as he saw him next he knew there was no need for one. Immediately his friend grabbed him and pulled him into a big hug, spinning him around and yelling congratulations at him. It was no better when he saw Harry at lunch for the first time since the break. They couldn’t bear to be apart so for the first time they sat side by side, not so secretly holding hands under the table. Their friends hooped and hollered for them and teased them both endlessly for being such idiots before, and for being so disgustingly cute together now. Neither of them minded one bit.
Although now the days were brighter, warmer and full of the smell of the fresh floral blooms, as they moved into springtime, the days still seemed to rush by. Far too short for their liking when they wanted every day together to be endless. They held hands in the park and talked loudly at the lunch table and watched tons of terrible movies down in Harry’s basement, cuddled together on the too small couch. They made the most of each day together but it still seemed like they were gone too soon when wanted every moment to last forever, but before they knew it spring faded into summer.
Then school was out and there was nothing left to occupy their time but each other. They spent each day together, sometimes going on mini adventures or picnics, but getting lazier as the sun got hotter, content to just spend the time tangled up together, wherever they were. Soon Louis would be starting uni and Harry would be going into his senior year, forcing them to disentangle for long enough to get an education each day. But neither boy was worried, they both knew that what they had would last. They would never let another communication issue get in their way again, now choosing to talk about every issue immediately, not letting anything fester by failing to talk about how they felt. They had learned their lesson. They were strong enough now to make it through anything and better friends than ever before. Through every season of their love they remained infatuated. Even as they got older and things got more complicated, they always knew to look for the bright spots, even in the coldest winter landscapes. They were that bright patch for each other, and they always would be.