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“Quickly, this way, Your Highness!”
Lan SiZhui was peacefully studying his history like he was supposed to when out of nowhere, his distant cousin burst into his room and panted out, “You have to stop your mother!”
He didn’t even get a word in edgewise before he was hustled out with the urgency of the room being on fire. Not that he didn’t understand if his mother was on the loose but a little explanation would be nice!
A sense of exasperated dread coalesced in his stomach when the direction Lan JingYi led him to was the warrior training ground.
They quickly went past the gates, ignoring the Empress’s contingent of servants and guards dawdling at the entrance bowing as Lan SiZhui entered. They skidded to a stop,
“Muhou!” Lan SiZhui gasped in horror.
Indeed, it was his mother who stood in the middle of the grounds tapping his sheathed sword against his shoulder as he stared down the remaining guards almost huddled together in fear, discipline or not.
Behind him was a hastily erected rack where several guards stripped of their armor (and one in his underwear) hung upside down. All of them bore expressions of grief of varying shades. Mostly red. How long have they been there?
“Come, come, come! Isn’t there even a half-decent soldier around here? Aiya, how are you all trained? At this rate, you wouldn’t even be able to defeat my personal servant, let alone an enemy!” his mother tsked. Behind him, Wen Ning shrunk further against the wall like he wished he was the wall. “Come on! I’ll whip you all into shape YunMeng style!”
“Muhou,” Lan SiZhui moaned in despair. He turned to Lan JingYi and hissed, “Why did you bring me?”
Lan JingYi gestured between them furiously.
“Who else was I supposed to bring?”
“Fuhuang! At this point, who else can stop him?”
“No way!” Lan JingYi’s head dipped slightly as he mumbled, “He’s scary…”
Lan SiZhui let out an aggravated sigh and then with his best smile, approached the dangerous creature known as his mother at the height of his boredom. He hoped and prayed he wouldn’t be the next victim by drawing attention to himself.
“Erchen greets Muhou,” Lan SiZhui said serenely with a salute and bow.
Wei WuXian beamed the moment he caught sight of Lan SiZhui.
“SiZhui! Good timing!” With a hand on his shoulder, he directed Lan SiZhui’s gaze towards the soldiers, who all had wide eyes pleading from the depths of their desperation for escape. “Look! What do you see?”
“Um…”
Lan SiZhui searched his mind for answers, but no matter what he thought up, it’d all end the same way: the continued torment of these poor soldiers.
“Muhou, I think maybe you’re being unfair. These soldiers wouldn’t dare raise their sword against the Empress they’re sworn to protect. Perhaps it’d be best to divest your attention elsewhere?” Lan SiZhui attempted to detract instead.
“Like what?” Wei WuXian pouted. He waved towards the general area of Cloud Recesses. “There’s nothing to do around here! Every day is the same! The only thing that changes is how much hair Official Wu loses.” He paced a frustrated circle around the grounds. “There’s nothing to see, the Wens are nicely settled, there’s no festival or event to organize, and it’s always the same drama with this administrator and that wife or this and that noble.” He stomped his foot and waved his sword. “There isn’t even a royal harem to overlook!”
“Would you like a royal harem to overlook?” asked a mild voice.
Lan SiZhui immediately dropped to the ground to greet the Emperor but Wei WuXian, ever irreverent since day one, didn't so much as bow.
“Rise.”
“Lan Zhan!” Wei WuXian cried brightly. Then, as the words caught up to him, he said petulantly, “Are you really going to take on another wife? Are you tired of me already? Then maybe I should go back to YunMeng. I’m sure Jiang Cheng would welcome me with—Wha—! Lan Zhan?!”
With no effort at all, Lan WangJi lifted Wei WuXian in his arms and carried him out.
“Wait, I’m not done playing!” Wei WuXian attempted to squirm away, but Lan WangJi’s hold was too tight. He beat halfheartedly at his husband’s chest. “Lan Zhan! Put me down!”
Lan WangJi nodded gravely to the old general in charge of training, somehow still managing to look authoritative and dignified even with his Empress throwing a tantrum in his arms.
“Continue.”
The general bowed and saluted.
“Yes, Your Majesty!”
Lan SiZhui hastily jogged after his parents, passing by Lan JingYi who mouthed, “Good luck,” at him as he passed. Without looking, he knew Wen Ning was silently shadowing their footsteps as well.
“Lan Zhaaan, I’m so, so very bored,” Wei WuXian whined before leaning closer to Lan WangJi’s ear, his tone taking on a slyer edge that made Lan SiZhui feel the heat in his cheeks as he cooed, “Entertain me.”
Lan WangJi inhaled sharply.
“Wei Ying.”
“Lan Zhan~” Wei WuXian sang back, curling some of Lan WangJi’s hair around his finger the way he had the Emperor wrapped around it.
Lan SiZhui had no desire to watch his parents flirt with no regard to the presence of their train of servants and guards, so he cleared his throat to remind them he was still there and said, “Muhou, if you’re bored, Erchen would be happy to accompany you.”
Wei WuXian grinned at him over his father’s shoulder and gushed, “Aww, SiZhui, you’re such a good boy! But it’s not like you can accompany me every day. As boring as your studies are, even I have to admit they’re important for your future,” he sighed.
“Why don’t you just teach me then?” Lan SiZhui blurted.
It’d invite trouble, of course, but the thought of his mother being bored and lonely every day made his heart ache. If it’d make his mother happy, then it was worth it.
Sure enough, Wei WuXian’s face positively glowed at the prospect. He gasped as he turned to Lan WangJi, arms encircling the Emperor’s neck in his excitement.
“Can I? Lan Zhan, can I?”
“Will talk to the tutors,” Lan WangJi agreed without a moment of thought, not that he ever denied his Empress anything.
“I love you, Lan Zhan! You’re so good to me! You deserve a kiss!”
With an obnoxious sound, Wei WuXian kissed his husband on the cheek.
Lan WangJi turned his head to stare expectantly at Wei WuXian, who giggled coyly.
“Oh my, Lan Zhan, are you so eager for more that you couldn’t wait for tonight? I—”
Lan SiZhui didn’t stick around to listen to or watch the rest. He veered off the nearest passageway with his hands cupped over his ears. He could only spare a moment of pity for poor, poor Wen Ning and the rest of the royal contingent who must stay by the Emperor and Empress’s side as their duty demanded.
At least his lessons would never be drab again.